Wednesday, October 31, 2001

English class was interesting today. Oh, well, it was boring as usual, but there were a couple of interesting things that happened.

1) This totally made me have a flashback to what I posted earlier today: the teacher was talking about this indian guy in the westerns, and at one point he was like, "He can't be all bad, he likes children"

I don't really like children......am I evil somehow?
so that made me feel annoyed

2) The other thing was funny. Someone asked him if many trick or treaters came to his house, and he was like, "Well....I get a lot of Buzz Lightyears....and uh....what's the other one?"

Some student was like "Woody"


And he was like, "Oh yes, I get a lot of Woodies!"
I hurt myself trying to suppress my laughter. It was so hilarious, because he's like a million years old, and he had no idea why we were laughing. He didn't even ask us why every single preson was laughing or suppressing laughter and not succeeding very well. He just went on with what he was saying. So it was sort of sad...but I laughed SO hard :P
Why does everyone, heck society automatically presume that all women want to and will have children at some time in their life?
What is the deal with that?
Is that supposed to be our sole purpose or something?

Why can't people understand that not all women get broody... that not all of us want children, or even like them particularly?
Is that so wrong?

I do not want to have children. Whenever any of my family (or anyone really) hears this they all say "Ooh, you like them really." or "Just you wait 'till your older, you'll have loads of kids." or various other pearls of bullshit.


I do not want children. I have never wanted children in the slightest degree. I seriously doubt that I will ever have children.


Get over it.


Damn straight!

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

Well....what can I say?

Oh, I got my flu shot today. (It's not cos of the anthrax scare, my mom always used to make me get one, and for awhile now she's not made me but I've done it anyway) I was muchly proud of me--I'm terrified of needles but I acted grown up about it for once. Yay...although I don't think it helped that last year I ended up with a pediatric nurse who manhandled me, which does nothing to lessen anxiety. Plus there was no line. Waiting's the hardest part.

Hmm.....isn't that from a song or something?

Oh, and here's a rant from yesterday:

I was in my english class, being the only one speaking up as always, and my stupid english teacher kept saying that Lous L'Amour is better selling than the bible--which I don't doubt--but the bible is one book. L'Amour wrote 80 or 90 books. If there were 80 bibles, (not just different translations), the bible would kick L'Amour's ass. No contest. I mean, the bible's been around forever practically. Hell, if Stephen King or John Grisham wrote 80 books they could probably do even better than L'Amour--especially if they had as many years since L'Amour's books came out to accumulate sales. I would have let this slide, but he kept saying it over and over, and it was bugging me. Plus, I like to take all the crap in my life out on my English teacher, because he doesn't seem to mind overly much, and it's good therapy. Plus, it means at least SOMEONE is saying something in that damned class. Anyhoo, I'm pretty used to a couple of people on the other side of the class giggle or snicker at me when I start arguing with him, because they think I'm some weird psycho dork bitch that's funny or something. I don't really mind this overly much, because screw them! I'm the only one who gives a half a damn about that class! At least I'm contributing, making discussion, so it's the slightest bit less dry! Anyhoo, yesterday one of the snickerers ended up next to me. And when I made the bible arguement, she giggled. And she was sitting right next to me for heaven's sake! I'd like to bitch out whoever the hell taught her manners! I gave her the evil eye, though, and she was quiet after that.

Heh, I doubt she'll ever sit next to me after that. And I'm glad!

Monday, October 29, 2001

News: I have 3 new links up!

Sinfest--funny comic strip, go there!
Comment board--my joint comment board with
Finger Lickin' Good--an interesting blog by a dear friend
Music is one of the most important things in my life right now.

It's my prozac. It's my shelter from the storm. It's the one thing that keeps me from spiraling into a whirling maelstrom of madness! Heh....okay, that last one isn't really true. But the first two are.

For some reason, this makes music a part of my identity. A part that I largely deny. Around people who listen to pop, I act more into pop. Around people who are into hard core, I act more like that. Around my Christian friends, I severely downplay the fact that most of what i listen to has curse words, or other unsavory types of things in it. Most people I know haven't even heard of half the bands I like.

Like....it's so sad. I was making a tape for my friend Wanda a few weeks ago--I get the impression that Wanda listens to slightly different things than I, and I was going nuts trying to put what I thought she'd like. Harder songs. Or more "funky" songs :P Awhile ago I visited my sister's house, and I was listening to the radio and a few CD's--and I was worried that it was too hard, that she'd think I was some social miscreant because she listens to softer stuff than I do.

Anyhoo, I'm going to define for myself what I like to listen to.

1) Hooks
A "hook" is the "catchy" part of the song, the part where you can get it in your head, or sing along, or hum along easily. For me, a song has to have a good hook. It might not be the strongest in the world, but it has to be there. I can't stand music that's disjointed, or you have no idea where it's going. It's why I don't like jazz, and it's why I don't like really really heavy songs that just have screaming and random guitar riffs.

But it can't be too hooky either. Songs that you know exactly where they're going the minute you hear them are boring. Songs that have strong hooks can be really repetative and can get on my nerves. Plus, songs with a strong hook are rigid, it's hard to fit the formula without your lyrics suffering. Songs that have a weaker hook can be more creative with their lyrics. Speaking of lyrics.....

2) Meaningful Lyrics
My favorite songs have a deep, personal meaning. They might describe where I was in my life when I first heard the song, or where I am now, or where I seem to always be. They might not even have anything to do with me, but a small verse or something will really mean something to me. I like music that makes me feel something, that makes me sadder, or happier, or funny songs that make me laugh. I'm alright with music I can't understand the lyrics, and lyrics that are kind of dumb sometimes, as long as the other elements are right, but I can't stand lyrics that are REALLY dumb, or obnoxious, or go against my beliefs. I prefer music to mean something, and not just be about some break up and how the guy wants the woman back or thinks she's hot or something. I want songs to MEAN something, even if they aren't about me. Such as Fred Jones, on the new Ben Folds CD--it's about this guy getting canned after working there 20 years. I'm only 20. I'm not going into forced retirement. But it means something.

3) Pop v. Rock
I like some pop, I like some rock, I really like pop rock. Music can't be too poppy--I get bored with it easily. Like, my Sister Hazel CD--I still like it, but I never listen to it. I lost interest. If music is too hard, I lose interest just the same. Many times, if music is too poppy or hard, I'm not even interested in the first place. Straight down the middle, that's me. Maybe that's why I like poppy punk bands such as Blink 182 and New Found Glory--They have the good guitar, the good beat, but they're not that hard.

4) Instruments
Which reminds me..... It HAS to have a guitar or piano. No manufactured crap with no instruments like *cough* N'Suck *cough*

5) Beat
A good beat can sometimes make up for sucky other elements. Like.....I finally confess, I have a small soft spot for those 80's europop dance tunes, like by C and C music factory, or that song they bump heads to in A Night at the Roxbury. Hell no, I've never bought any, but I don't usually change the station when the come on.

Again, with punk....I hear anything punky on the radio, and I immediately want to go out and buy it, even if it sucks. That beat and guitar riff thing instantly gets my foot tapping, and makes me happy. Pop punk rock is definately the most upbeat music I listen to.

6) Uniqueness
Although I will go out and buy a million carbon copy blink 182 wannabes, or generic rock bands, I DO prefer my my music to stand out in some way. I think that's why Everclear and Ben Folds Five are two of my absolute favorites. Art Alexakis--the lead singer of Everclear--has the most unique voice I've ever heard. I could be locked in a jail for 20 years in solitary confinement, and they could play a song with him on it--not even everclear music, it could be lounge style or hip hop or anything-and I'd recognize Art. Their actual instrument melodys are also pretty distinctive. Ben Folds rocks (along with many other reasons) because he uses piano. There isn't that much piano used in modern rock or pop today, unless it's some sappy love ballad--which Ben Folds/Ben Folds Five does not write sappy love ballads.

It also makes me happy to see some diversity in pop today. The fact that Nelly Furtado, Macy Gray, and Michelle Branch, Five For Fighting, people with actual talent *gasp* and a slightly different flavor for their music are on air makes me slightly less disapointed in pop radio today. Now, if only they wouldn't overplay them.

7) A Little Bit Country, a Little Bit Rock an' Roll
I don't like actual country too much, but I have a huge thing for bands with a country edge. Such as the Gin Blossoms and The Refreshments, straight out of Tempe, AZ, where apparently the music scene does that a good deal. I'm also into Old 97's--classified as an "alt-country" band. Old 97's are country-y, but they have so many other influences. Punk, the beatles, rock, pop--pretty diverse. And you can actually hear them in the music.

8) Fast v. Slow
I like fast a bit better, but slow can be nice. Depends on my mood

9) Anger
I like angry music I can sing along with when I'M angry. I use Everclear and Incubus for this purpose, mainly.

10) Long Notes
I like long notes that I can sing along with when I'm upset. There's something viscerally comforting at a primal level about taking in a lungful of air and then pushing it all out in one, soaring, long note. Yet another reason I love incubus, they seem to do it a lot.


There's probably more. But I can't think of it :P

Sunday, October 28, 2001

I'm aimless. Adrift.

And not just because I can't choose a major, though that is terrifying in and of itself.

It's because I skate through life making the minimum possible effort.

My grades are pretty good--but I might be almost straight A material if I tried hard.
I complain about not having any friends--but I don't try very hard to make new ones (Although I try to fiercely maintain the relationships I do have)
I complain about guys not likeing me--but I am too embarassed to flirt.
I complain about gaining weight since I've gotten to college--but I'm too lazy to excercise and have too poor willpower to fix my eating habits.

In fact, the last one embodies almost everything that's wrong with me. Lack of motivation.

With excercise, even if I can find something relatively easy (such as treadmill walking) I still get bored, no matter how hard I try to entertain myself while doing it. The first week, I'm like hell yea! I'm going to be healthier, and lighter, and so on! I'm so excited. And then gradually....I lose interest. I do that with a lot of things. I have an incredibally short attention span. I'd like to blame my ADD....but I do that for a lot of things. And even if it IS ADD, that's still part of who I am and I have to deal with it.

I act this way also when it comes to:
-schoolwork
-crochet
-writing
-diary (blogging must be easier is why I've stuck with it--whoohoo, at least I have one thing!)

And many other things. The only thing I've ever stayed with was Scholastic Bowl (it's like a competative trivia game between schools and such). Wierd, huh? That something that stupid is the only thing I've ever really been dedicated to. I mean, I actually went to great lengths to memorize TONS of completely useless information for it. Too bad it's not something I could base a career on. There's no "Professional Game Show Contestant" job description in the papers, last I looked. And too bad it's not something I can really apply to anything else very easily.

And lack of willpower. I can't stop myself from doing things. I eat what I shouldn't, do fun things when I'm supposed to be doing my homework, etc. I just can't stop myself. I'm a weak willed woman.

What can I do about all of this? Resolve to change! Here, and now!
(Watch me slip back into apathy in less than a week--hell, I'm there now. Screw it.)
And what's up with those rocks at the top?
Whoa! New template. And this one kind of sucks too, only more because it doesn't have my alterations. Oh well. At least I have the old one on file if I want it. I just picked this because it's wider. The other one was way narrow. Only this is still more narrow than I'd like.

Perhaps it looks different on a regular computer. *shrugs*

Heh...and right now, the colors are too happy to be "The Angry White Girl Blog"

Saturday, October 27, 2001

Okay...I know how stupid it is to keep listing out the reasons I'm a geek, but these two are good:

1) My black fake leather computer chair has white deoderant stains on it
2) When a friend said they were tired from carrying around frames in an art store, I was confused because I immediately thought of HTML frames, and was thinking "how do you carry those?"
D'oh! My archives are still missing. Crappola! I will have to try n' fix it when I get back to school. Bleh.

Along with other things, such as.....oh.....i don't know........fixing this pathetic excuse for a template!

Anyhoo, if I had one of those imood thingys, it'd say RELIEF! Or at least Rolaids.

Why?

Because I've finally came home! And my mom's being nice! Yaaaaay!

And, i'm happy to be here, my friends. Why? I shall tell you!

1) Access to my cold weather gear--yes, I will be no longer cold!
2) Access to a free laundry machine--yes, I'm no longer stinky!
3) Access to my toenail clippers--yes, I'm no longer freaky!
4) Access to my razor--yes, I'm no longer hairy!
5) Access to my family--yes, I will be no longer estranged! Though I probably will still be strange

Yay for me.

Friday, October 26, 2001

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Damn it all to bloody hell!!!!!! My archives are missing! I think I'm going to weep like a little girl!

An angry little white girl, that is :P
Oh, and for the geek list, I'd like to add "Intense interest in shadow puppetry" and "sings on answering machine"

Hmm...that could be my indian name, Sings on Answering Machine
read!
Okay...here's the geek one. And I do have to be a bit unoriginal about this because:

1) My conjoined twin thought of it in the first place
2) She used some that apply to both of us
3) I'm not that original anyway.

So....bottoms up!

Err....I mean, here goes:

I'm a groovy geek 'cause.....

(Here are all the ones I stole....)

... having a best bug.

... INTRODUCING your best bug to sites like The Brunching Shuttlecocks. (spamming her with articles from there, more like it)
... having theories that you and your best bug were actually born as conjoined twins, but you were separated at birth, because Stephen King didn't want anyone to have a bigger Stephen King lobe than him (our Stephen King lobes combined were way bigger than his).
... having a conversation with your best bug on MSN, AIM, ICQ and in emails... all at the same time


Okay, here are mine....

1) Having a Yoda T shirt, having another Star Wars T shirt, having the entire collection of star wars pez dispensers
2) Making your star wars pez dispensers act out star wars
3) Knowing what the T in James T. Kirk stands for (Tiberius), knowing what the J in Homer J. Simpson stands for (Jay), knowing McGyver's first name (Angus)
4) When you can list out long sections of dialogue from any one of the above mentioned, and/or Independence Day, Austin Powers, The Matrix. Being able to act out moves from the Matrix.
5) When you throw crab apples at people and call them "Phasers" and "Photon Torpedos"
6) If you've ever had a pet hamster and called it "Chewbacca Jr."
7) Listening to music in which there are references to Captain Picard
8) When you have any idea whatsoever what "Space: Above and Beyond" is.
9) When no one has heard of 90% of your favorite bands
10) When no one has heard of 90% of your favorite books
11) When you listen to oldies, punk rock, emo, and alt-country
12) When you read Sci-fi, Fantasy, and childrens books
13) When you quote Zaphod Beeblebrox
14) Most of your close friends are people you met on the net and have never actually met in real life
15) You rub against brick buildings with your jacket collar up 80's style
16) You have argued the fine points of "Hondo" and "Shane" with your english teacher
17) You can't wait to tell people what you learned in your East Aisian history course that day
18) You have like 80 old Far Sides lying around on your computer desk
19) You've played Kings Quest and Quest for Glory so much you can list out the plot
20) You can quote long passages of dialogue from a computer game
21) You own a computer game where Captain Picard is the voice for the King
22) The computer game that you can quote long passages of dialogue from is the game where Captain Picard is the voice for the King.
23) You use words like Swanky, Snazzy, and Spiffy
24) You make your stuffed animals talk. And what you make them say is generally something insulting toward you.
25) You make other inanimate objects insult you (Fan, bottle of windex, you name it)
26) Your keychain is an oversized novelty penny
27) You sleep with a stuffed animal
28) You dream of being on Jeopardy! someday.
29) You know there's supposed to be that "!" on the end when you type out Jeopardy!
30) You know what a laptop nipple is.
31) You have a laptop nipple
32) You make jokes about your laptop nipple
33) Writing a blog on how geeky you are
Well, I feel a blog coming on. Actually, I felt this coming on yesterday, but never got around to it. Oh well :P

Oh, and I also need to do one about being a cool geek, because my conjoined twin told me to, and her word is law, but I'll get to that in a sec.

For now....

Tips on Keeping Warm on Campus
If you read my blog, then you know I do not have adequate cold weather gear right now. And if you don't read it, WHY THE HELL NOT?? :P

Anyhoo, here's some tips on keeping warm if you don't have adequate cold weather gear. (I actually do these, sadly enough)

1) One word, my friend: Layers. If I could tell you anything about staying warm, it would be wear layers. The rest is just the random stuff I've thought up over the years. (actually not. I just wanted to immitate that sunscreen song. But it didn't go too well, did it?) I wear like 5 shirts + jacket every time I go out. They may be thin, but together, it's like a winter coat! Boo-ya!
2) Pull your jacket collar up. Not only will it keep your neck marginally more warm, but you'll look like the definition of cool! (circa 1985)
3) When you're walking next to brick buildings, walk as close to them as possible. Rub up on them like a cat, even. They radiate heat!
4) Wear a hat. Most of the heat escapes from your head, you know. Even if you don't have a hat and have to borrow your roommate's Harry Potter hat to keep warm....*ahem* I've said too much already
5) Keep your hands in your pockets. Even if you have a portable CD player you'd rather hold.....(except I do the CD player thing anyway :P)
6) Don't wear sandals, dumbass! Wear shoes. (Guilty of the sandal's offense)
7) Uhm....since this is turning into advice that I don't really use, maybe I'll stop here :P


(I honestly thought of this blog yesterday when I was rubbing up against McCormick Hall yesterday with my collar up 80's style)

Thursday, October 25, 2001

I found this quote. It spoke to me, somehow...

"And the wind shall say: Here were decent godless people. Their only monument the asphalt road. And a thousand lost golf balls."
- T.S. Elliot
I'm going to pep myself up here? Why?

Because it's my damn blog and I can do whatever the hell I want! Screw you!

Okay, that was the "getting out pent up anger" part of the cheering up process. Now I'm going to list reasons why I'm great.

Yes. Shameless self ego pandering.

That's what I'm best at. (Besides my Darth Vader impression)

Which brings me to point #1

1. I have a great Darth Vader impression
2. I eat in the elevator, though no one else does
3. I take surprise sneak photos of my english class
4. I sass back to my evil/senile english teacher
5. I like to sing loudly in public for no real reason
6. I frequently wear velour
7. I drink grapefruit juice
8. I make stuffed animals talk
9. I have some good friends
10. I have a best bug
11. I have blue suede sneakers
12. I have red velvet nikes
13. I have psychotic rage right now due to my neighbors. Hmm....mebbe it's time to stop typing. Psychotic rage isn't one of the things that make me great :P

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

Today, I am perky...rare mood for me. Why?

1) Headache gone. Plus, I napped last night, so I'm uber refreshed today. Yay.
2) Tummy feeling better
3) Good grade on history test. And it was a hard test too. I'm so proud. God I wish I could be a history major w/o being a teacher.
4) Neighbors are being quiet for once
5) Radio's playing good music for once
6) Weather's supremely nice, for once

What is up with me and numbered lists?

Monday, October 22, 2001

What started out as a promising morning has turned out to be yet another depressing page in the weighty tome that is my life.

Okay, now that I have the angst out of the way, I can tell you why my morning sucked.

1) Headache. Blindingly painful. Why'm I on the computer then? I'm stupid.
2) Tummy Ache. Ow.
3) My english teacher is this senile old guy that lives in his own little world. Well. I knew this already. But fortunately, it hadn't really affected my grade.

(Pipe organ: dum dum DUM) Until now.

I got back my last paper. It's exactly the same as the paper I wrote for him before, except it uses different books as examples and has less passive voice. (he's insanely fixated on not using passive voice)

And my paper is a letter grade lower (dum dum DUM)

Why? Because he basically gives the papers whatever the hell grade he feels like any given time he's grading it. He even admitted it. He's like "Grading's subjective. If a paper impresses me, I'll give it a higher grade" This annoyed me, but what annoyed me most was when he was like "It depends on my mood. If the Bears had lost last night, the grades might've been worse."

Has he ever heard of grading the papers according to how good they are, instead of his mood? Gah, and everyone was screwed, not just me. But it still pisses me off. If I get a bad grade at the end of the year, I'm going to be like "I was the only one who talked in your class the entire semester. I didn't use passive voice after the first paper, GIVE ME AN A OR ELSE!!

Else will depend on MY mood at the time.
Well, I just spent the weekend at my sis's house. I had a great time! At first, I thought my mom was going to make a big stink about it (she wants me to come home) but she only made a medium stink out of it, so I got off relatively scott free. There were two nights of Star Trek the next generation marathons I watched whoohoo! And the second night was all Q episodes, which were always my favorite. I caught the veeeery end of the Robin Hood Q episode (I was sad I didn't see the whole thing, it's one of my favorites), the one where he's training a young Q, and the one where Picard gets shot in the heart and it stops his artificial heart and Q gives him the chance to go back and stop the event that gave him an artificial heart in the first place.

Yea, I'm a dork. Deal with it.

I also got to make myself scrambled eggs. My mom won't let me at home because she's afraid I'll make a mess. But I didn't make a mess. So it was like a secret victory for me. Sort of. (She wouldn't even let me make Kraft mac and cheese till a couple of years ago, and kool aid a year before that).

I watched some movies my sis had. I went with one I hadn't seen before (American Pie) and one I'd only seen once (The Phantom Menace). Bad idea, I should've just gone with some of my favorites. American Pie, though lots of people have told me it's really good, did not impress me. And the kid they got to play Anakin in Ep 1 is soooo annoying. Not to mention Jar Jar. At least Ewan's eye candy, though.

I goofed around a lot. I played with their new puppy, he's really cute.

Unfortunately, I'm his favorite humping object. I'd just be laying around on the floor and he'd come over and hump my arm. Or I'd have him on my lap and he'd start going at it. He's humped me way more than anyone else in the family, I'm a little worried. And he bites quite a bit too, which is rather irritating.

Hopefully after being fixed and going thru obedience school he'll be a nice doggy.

Well, time for class.

Friday, October 19, 2001

The stupid buttholes kept me up late last night. Aaaaand, the night before, I had to stay up late to do my laundry. Aaaaand, my poor roommate had to get up at 6:00 this morning for this thing they're making her do for class. And I woke up too. So...running a bit empty on sleep.

So, I will channel my rage into another colorful expression:

To get away from these people, I'd swim buck naked across the English Channel in the dead of winter with 3 Rhesus Monkeys, 2 Flying Squirrels, and a flatulent Chimpanzee (that part with the animals can be sung to the 12 days of Christmas, if you're willing to tweak it a bit) on my back armed only with my rapier wit to fend off the predatory marine life.

Ooh! Fun! Let's do another!

To get away from these people, I'd scale Mount Everest in a ballet tutu while turning a flaming baton and singing the national anthem, with only my morning breath to fend off the yeti.

Hmm...that last one wasn't that good. But what can you expect? I'm sleep deprived.

Thursday, October 18, 2001

Ugh. I hate our neighbors soooo much. They get the huuuuuuuuuuuge end of the stick when it comes to the noise agreement, but they STILL won't keep their music at a decent level during quiet hours. I hate them. I feel rage toward them. I am not exaggerating when I say I've never hated another human being this much.

Heh, it's ironic, isn't it? My mom thinks moving is all my roommate's fault. That I couldn't possibly dislike the noisy room enough to move my crap into a dorm bulding right across the way.

At this point, I'd move all my crap, my roommate's crap, and several large harp seals across the sahara desert armed with nothing more than a stick to fend off the lions, to get away from these people.

Bleh....
Oh, good note: there was a write up in our school's paper about those stupid abortion people. Everybody hates them. Even our school's Pro-life organization hated them. They were annoyed that those idiots were twisting their message. Also, a few local churches were pissed at the people--again, for using God as an excuse to act like jackasses, which makes good churchfolk look bad. I find this refreshing! :) Here are some excerpts from the our paper:

"I'm a minister of the gospel," said a minister at City of Refugee of God in Christ, "and I hear him preaching hate and I know taht's not the kind of God I serve, so I had to say something."--on why he spoke out against the anti-abortion people.

"I think he's wrong about everything," said a student, "You don't force your views on somebody else."

Here's a question a student actually asked the head anti-abortion guy, "When you get to judgement and God asks you why you told his people that he was a hateful God, what will you say?"

ISU's Pro Life group says, "They never contacted us about coming here and we are completely opposed to their antagonistic approach."

And there are even more goodo quotes from other students that I just love :) (but I won't bore you with them)

Oh, and also, the abortion rant caught some notice--if only from a friend. It inspired her to quote me, and write her own post about not forcing your views on people. Go and look at it! It's muchly interesting and educational.
Yay! I've finally gotten my horroscope doll up. My friend Talia colored it for me, but I kept not getting it on my computer or something when she sent it to me. So...third time's a charm, here it is :)
Vandalism and Abortion

Hmm......this is a blog I should've typed out yesterday. But I was too lazy. So.... since I'm on aim and bloggerbot's on for once, I might as well.

Well, I've finally snapped. I've become a petty vandal. See, the evil neighbors think that everyone has to know where they are every single moment of the day. (My roommate's in a psychology class, and she says they're the textbook definition of egocentric :P) So, on their dry erase board they always have their names, and then write an arrow to it, with whatever they're doing/where they are at during any particular time. One of the often used labels is "class."

Can you imagine the temptation? These people make my life a living hell. I despise them.

Yep. I erased the CL yesterday. I've wanted to for weeks, and I did it. It makes me a petty, petty, little girl. But it was worth it. Plus, it's pretty impossible to trace.

Especially since, for bonus creepout value, even though they both had "Class" up there, I only did it to one of them. That way, I figure Sara will take it as a more personal attack, instead of just some random jerk going by and erasing both of them. Plus, it makes it harder for them to suspect me or my roommate, because we have developed a festering resentment toward both of them, not just one of them.

Buahahaha! I am evil.

On a less jubilant note, there were Pro-Life jerks on our campus yesterday. Note: I have nothing against Pro Lifers, just Pro Lifers who are jerks about it. (i.e. blow up things, or do what the jerks yesterday did). I'm the same way about obnoxious Pro Choicers, although they don't blow things up as often.

They had big signs. With some pretty disgusting stuff on them. And they handed out pamphlets. With some pretty disgusting stuff on them. And, the pamphlets had quotes from planned parenthood that were 1) OLD. So there was some crap about how Planned Parenthood was racist. IN THE TWENTIES. God, almost everyone was racist in the twenties. That doesn't excuse being racist, but they certainly aren't racist now. and 2) taken out of context. And about the disgusting stuff: if you need to resort to that, you obviously don't want to discuss the rational reasons why someone should be pro life. You want to shock people into believing what YOU believe. Oh, and one of the signs had a bible quote that didn't even have anything to do with abortion. And, I'm also wondering if God's going to explain to your kid that he was the product of a rape. If God is going to have your morning sickness for you. If God is going to carry it, and then go thru labor for you. If God is going to die for you if you would die if you had this baby. Not that religious views are to be dismissed--just....you shouldn't impose your religion on someone else. If YOU'RE Christian, YOU don't have an abortion. Don't force your views on others. And if you do think it's UNIVERSALLY immoral, not just immoral according to YOUR religion, use logic to persuade everyone that you're right, get them to agree, and then make a law about it.

Don't come to MY campus, using shock tactics and illogical or religious crap to convince me. In the end, you get a lot more flies with honey than with pictures of aborted fetuses.

Wednesday, October 17, 2001

Okay. Here's a positive post. I neeeeeeeed to have a positive post. So here's a joke I thought of yesterday when I was looking at the Cranberry Juice in the dining center yesterday:

"Cranberry Juice: It's good for the soul. And the urinary tract."

Anyhoo, that was my joke.

And I'm listening to Beck and STP right now, so at least I'm in a fairly good mood despite my present difficulties.

Tuesday, October 16, 2001

I

am

depressed.

Why? Still cold. I'm still ill-equiped for cold weather.

And my mom still won't stop. Nguaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh, and my roommate's off, and for some inexplicable reason, that makes me depressed.

Yes, I realize this is like the whiniest blog ever. Deal with it.
And it makes me mad
because I wanna be happy so bad

~Some Lit song, I'm too depressed, lazy, and under a general malaise to go and look it up.

Suffice it to say....I replyed to the long one, and got another long one.

Why won't she just let it go????

Monday, October 15, 2001

OH DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, GIVE ME STRENGTH

Mom just sent me another e-mail.

And it's long.
Okay..here we go....time to earn the title "Angry White Girl."

Why? Because I am about to post the rant to end all rants.

1. The weather outside...it's frightful. (cold and rainy. And I don't have any appropriate cold weather clothes, thanks to the fact that I'm avoiding going home to avoid my mother, which is where my warm clothes are)
2. I hate my neighbors. They're loud. They're always loud. They make me want to scream.
3. I have to go to the library. Why? To avoid my neighbors. Why does this piss me off? Because it's far away, and the weather outside is frightful.
4. Before I schlep to the library in the cold and rain, I have to type an e-mail to my mom. Why? Because she thinks I'm being hostile if I don't, never mind the fact we hardly communicate at all even when we're not at odds. (if you don't get this, read the previous mom rants) Why am I dreading this?

Well.....read the reply she sent to my (nice) e-mail:

Yes, my feelings are hurt......worse than they have ever been before. I was just trying to help you resolve the noise problem so yoiu wouldn't have to
live with it until December. If you could get someone to have them turn down the base and move the stereo to the other side of the room it would
help a lot
(btw, they don't know how to turn off the bass, and their stereo isn't on our side of their room anyway, and I've told her this before). Forgive me for trying to help you. I was not trying to control you......and I think it is really mean to accuse me of that. I don't know what else to say......I feel so bad.
Mom


I'm not even asking her to say sorry! Just to forgive me! (we both said some terrible things to each other) So I can get on with my life! So that my poor dad, who has to live with her can get a rest. So that I can go home and get my cold weather clothes and not freeze to death every time I go to the library because of my asshole neighbors.

But she's milking it for all the guilt that it is worth, prolonging it even more..... I want to yank my hair out and scream.

And do you know what pisses me off the most? That I have to be the big one about this. No....wait...that kind of annoys me. Having my sis and dad practically steamroll me to be nice to her, when they don't bother to do the same to her (because she'd yell at them). What pisses me the hell off is that I am being the big one, and she won't accept it and let me move the hell on in my life.

I have no idea what to say to her. I don't want to beg for her forgiveness, but yet, I want this to be over......
...and the bolding. Though I think I can fix that....
Well....I do have some important things to say today, but I think I'll wait till later. And I'll probably post them conventionally. Although this works very nicely, except for the weird thing with hyperlinks.
Geez...sorry about all the :P's it's just a natural reaction for me on aim or something.

I'm like those Mary Worth comics where everything has an !. Except for me they all have a :P
Oh....now I know why it posts bold. I have my text bolded in AIM as a matter of course....heh Can't believe it took me so long to realize :P
Ooh! It works. Although it seems to post out stuff in bold. But it's still cool. Heh...I use AIM too much anyway, I might as well do something semi-useful while I'm on here. If you've not heard of blogerbot.. go here and find out! :P
Testing out bloggerbot!

Sunday, October 14, 2001

Did I cave?

Here's an e-mail I finally wrote to my mother:

I'm sorry I didn't reply to your last e-mail. I just figured I'd end up overreacting and saying something mean, and then you'd overreact and say something mean, and then I'd be mean, and then you'd be mean, and it would never end. I figured not saying anything at all was nicer. I hear from lori, though, that you take my incommunication as hostile. So, I just thought I'd tell you why I haven't sent you anything. She said to send you anything, even if it wasn't "lovey dovey." I did send you the e-mail about where I was going this weekend, instead of just telling dad. But, it sounds like you are still even more upset (yes, this fight has really hurt my feelings too) than I am. So...I thought I'd send you this e-mail, to remind you that even though I don't agree with you, I still love you.

The sad thing is.... (and I bet this sounds like I'm a horrible daughter) I don't even know if I love her anymore. I had to say I love her, though. Or she'll never forgive me, and life will be a living hell.

My roommate says I probably do still lover her, though. She says that I have a big heart. I thought that was a really nice thing to say. I always thought I was a jerk. But hopefully, she's right.
Hellooooooo blog. I went away this weekend, so that's why no bloggy posty the last couple days.

I had a pretty good weekend, though. Hap, hap, happily, I went to my roommate's mom's house. Her mom is so nice. I wish my mom were that nice. And they had cable. I got to see VH1. And MTV2. They had a Travis video on MTV2. I looooove Travis. And they had some other sort of music channel that was good too. And they had the sci-fi channel. I got to see old quantum leap! Yay! And, I got to see old golden girls episodes.

Yes, I realize watching golden girls makes me a dork.

Anyhoo, I had a lot of fun. Despite the dog laying on me last night when I was trying to sleep.

But it was cute. He was a cute dog.

I had a gooood weekend. Go me.

Thursday, October 11, 2001

How many people wanna kick some ass? I do! I do!
How many people sick of holding it back? I am! I am!

~Kick Some Ass
Stroke 9

I am THIS *holds up her hand with the thumb and forfinger a nanometer apart* close to kicking the neighbors' asses, my mom's ass, and whoever is head of ISU's history dept. (they won't call me back)'s ass. My life sucks enough w/o people actively working to make it worse.

On the bright side, no major rants for today. Just a general malaise.

Hmm... I hope I used "malaise" right. I use way too many big words that I don't necessarily know their meaning.

Why'm I posting? I dunno. I guess I'm just bored.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

Today's not been too bad so far. Since I've pretty much stopped talking to my mom, she's pretty much stopped talking to me, and that means no yelling, which is nice.

Yesterday though, I was uber depressed. I think it was partly one of my friends was all psycho analyzing herself, which made me start doing it, and let me tell you, my insides ain't pretty. Also, my dad gave me a guilt trip about how I've been treating my mother. And my roommate was gone last night. I thought I'd like it, because I always loved it when my old roomate left, but I guess I feel lonely when my nice roommate I have now leaves (she is a wonderful person, despite the random complaint about her on here), cos I moped around a lot after she left.

I got to talk to one of my internet friends on the phone though, yesterday, due to my roomie's absence. That was nice. (This relates to my roommate's absence, because I would never do this when she is around, because she'd wonder who I was talking to, and think "I can't believe Phoe gave our phone # to some internet psycho" even though I've known the friend for years and years, longer than I've known my roommate).

Enough about yesterday, though. I'm focusing on today. Today is good. I'm drinking pop, eating animal crackers, listening to A New Found Glory, and blogging. Yeah!

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

Hello dear blog. I realize I've been neglecting you. But that is because my life is going to hell in a handbasket. I hope you don't mind....

Actually, what I've really been neglecting is my other blog. I guess I can always find time to whine about me, but attempting to foster tolerance and love in the world can always wait. *sigh*

And, despite me berating myself for this, I'm going to continue to whine, rather than going over there.


Anyhow, the Mom thing: still going on. I feel unwelcome in my own home. I spose I'm going to stay at school or visit my roommate's home every weekend from now on. Otherwise I get to come home and get the same lecture the 100th time, about how I am horrible and don't respect her. Well, maybe if she gave me the respect that any adult human being would deserve, I'd return that. *sigh*

Boy, am I looking forward to Christmas break.

Good news: the "deciding my life" thing (yea, I really needed the aforementioned crap to happen when I'm trying to decide the rest of my frikken' life) has been resolved.

For now.

I chose my classes for next semester, but I've not decided on a major. Still. Which especially sucked when picking classes, because the overwhelming majority of classes available, you have to have declared your major in that subject to get into. Or have to have had a pre req or something. I was so desperate, I was actually considering Puppetry 183, a FIVE HOUR LONG puppetry class. Puppetry seems interesting, but I don't know if anyone could stand it that long.

So now I'm in:

Explaining Human Behavior (Intro psychology class) -- my roommate thinks I'd make a good psychologist
Intro to ACS (Applied computer science) -- grown ups think I'd make a good computer person
Some Philosophy course -- The last Gen Ed I have to take. Actually, I was gunning for a mythology class instead, but of course they don't teach that course anymore.
The Making of Europe -- some history class about Europe, that I could take w/o being a history major
Some English History course -- ditto, except substitute England for Europe

Why, you ask, am I taking so much history, and yet am not a history major? Well, I say, the only job available in that is teaching, which, I also have to say, I reeeeeeally don't want to do. I hate speaking in front of people. I hate kids. *sigh*

I guess that's all for now. I have a rant all thought up about how I always end up with the left handed desk in the history course I'm in now, but I'm too lazy to type it out. 'Specially since I have a rant about how horrible my life is up already (even though there are starving children everywhere, and the Afghans are getting bombed and etc. ets. I guess I'm a selfish bastard)

Monday, October 08, 2001

Well....things with my mom have gotten more worse bleh...... I wish she'd just get over whatever's stuck up her butt and stop bothering me. I have been under mondo stress ever since.....

I did get away this weekend, to my roommate's house. It was relaxing. Yay.

And I tried a "hot pocket" and a "Taquito" for the first time. I highly reccomend them.

Friday, October 05, 2001

Hmm...the arguement has escalated. I'm too tired and stressed out to write about it. Let me just leave you with this quote, to reflect my mental state right now:

So pardon me, while I burst into flames,
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
so pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flames.

~Pardon Me
Incubus

Thursday, October 04, 2001

And mom's gotten all psycho too. I'm screening my phone calls so I don't have to talk to her and hear what a horrible person I am, so she's called up our answering machine like 7 times w/o leaving a message. So, my roommate got irritated and finally answered it. And my mom gave her a big lecture on how we hadn't explored all the possiblities and we were just running away from our problems. Whatever. It's not like we didn't try. bleeeeh

As my roommate says, "after awhile, you just have to cut your losses."
Okay, I would also like to explain the previous post. Why do I have to move? Well, specific reasons. We do know the general reason is that my neighbors are jackasses...

8) Bass gives me a headache. I have a headache every day thanks to them
7) They keep me awake at night
6) when I'm tired, or have a headache, I can't pay attention to classes
5) I paid for this computer, I paid for the hardline connection, but I can't stay here to use it
4) I spend ALLL my time at the library, tho I SHOULD have a perfectly good room to do it in
3) The library's pretty far away, it's going to be a pain to go there all the time when it gets cold
2) I am geting maniacally angry about it. I make all these jokes about how I'm going to pee in front of their door all the time, and how I'm going to turn the arrow pointing to their names on their dry erase boards that says "class" to "ass." I've even thought of things to change their things pointing to their names that are even less obvious. Like "APO" to "ALPO." What the hell kind of an insult is Alpo? You have to be reaching to think up crap like that. I don't want to stay around till the point where I do go down to those guy's level and start doing horrible crap to them.
1) My roommate's equally miserable, (not to mention she's been harassed by these people) and will move out even if I don't, and I don't want to live with someone else, my roommate's my best friend.

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

Oh my gosh, my mom is so psycho! Okay, here's an actual AIM message:

Me: Yea. In fact, my jerk neighbors were playing their music really loud, so I left for genetics an hour early, and laid around under a tree near where I have class
Her: That sounds like a good thing to do on a day like today......too bad tomorrow will only be about 66 degrees
Me: indeed
Me: :-( Yea. Today, jess and I looked around at some of the other buildings on campus. We really want to move next semester, the neighbors are driving us nuts. And they're being kind of mean about the whole thing, too
Her: I sure wish there was something you could do about that music. I know it gives you headaches. That's not a fun way to live
Me: Indeed. And more than that, it's distracting, when I want to try and do anything that requires concentration
Me: heck, it's annoying even when I'm not concentrating on anything
Her: You may want to move, but I would think a lot about moving to a different building.......I don't think that would be a good idea. If your honors floor isn't quiet...what would a regular dorm be like.
Her: I really think you should stay in the same dorm


This would be motherly concern if she didn't regularly attempt to control me, and also, it wouldn't have anything to do with her, so why's she upset about it?

Me: We looked at others, actually going in them to hear them. Hewitt manchester is awful, but walker and ham whit are pretty good. Plus, there ARE floors with quiet lifestyles.
Her: It's an easy one to move into and out of....you can do it a little early etc. And I do not have any intention of movintg all of your stuff home for Xmas break and then having to move you in somewhere else at the start of the second semester
Me: 1) You don't have to live next to them. You'd go insane. You're even worse about bass than I am.
2) Rather than move all my crap you think I should just live in misery for another semester?
Me: 3) Dad moves my crap, you never have anything to do with it
Me: 4) you can get early move in in ham whit too
Me: 5) I might just end up on another --dorm I live in-- floor
Her: You could try to move to a different room on the same floor or at least in the same dorm........or maybe they will move. And that's a mean thing to say about me not helping......Grandma and Grandpa were here this year......I helped with it las6t year


Me: You just sit in the car. How taxing is that, really?

And no, they won't move.

Really. She doesn't help. And if she did, it wouldn't matter, we only really do need a third person to sit in the car

Me: We can do it without you.
Her: I did not just sit in the car. And I know Dad will not want to move your stuff home over christmas and then back to the dorm.
Me: Look, don't put words in dad's mouth. When he says he doesn't want to do it, I'll believe him, but I won't believe you about it. If I have to, I'll get my roommate to help me. And my sister, because I'm sure she's willing. You won't have to lift a finger.
Mom signed off at 10:52:05 PM.



Do I really need this crap? Gaaaaaaah
Geez I'm pathetic. I've sat here, for like 10 minutes listening to Travis's version of hit me baby one more time, just to avoid doing homework. Aaaaand, deciding my future, of course. And, it's hard to concentrate on homeowork anyway, THANKS TO YOU, ASSHOLE NEIGHBORS!

I can't wait to get out of this hell hole, me an' my roommate are looking at other dorms this afternoon.

Which will prolly take another chunk out of my homework/deciding my major time :(

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

heh, I did mispell "posted" as "posed" in the aim thing anyway. But don't tell her :P
I don't neeed your damn pity!

Well, actually I do. I'm hurtin', honest.

where was I before the deluge of self pity? Oh, now I remember:

You darn well know (even though you're really stupid :PPPPPPP) that :PPPPP means "raspberry."
:PPPPPPPP to You I'm tired too. And my stomach hurts. Aaaaaand, well, I'm not dumb, my mommy says I'm speeeeeeeeecial.
She says I'm dumb, but I'm not the one with the AIM spelling errors.


*sniff* I'm not dumb, i'm just tired. I got up at seven this morning. (cos of my roommate) I'm sleeeeepy
geez, i've posted many a spelling error tonight.


Muahaha, but all the mispellings in the AIM convo are spork's!
wait, that made no sense. Ignore it. I did copy her. But she entreated me to anyway.
damn her! She says she quoted the convo I quoted below and I coppied her. But she's a liar! A damn liar!

(we're very abusive to each other)

Plus, the convo clearly shows that I was going to post the convo anyway, she's such a dumbass to ignore that :P
Actual AIM convo:

Me: posted
Spork: Gooooooood!! :-)
Spork: Tht's my sole purpose for living.
Spork: Yay, you said git!!! ~n_n~
Spork: And what's more is that you said it with " around it, thus attracting more attentiont o the word!! Way to go to spead the word, duuuuuude!! :-):-D
Me: I posed again! looky
Me: thanks :D
Spork: Before I even look at it, I bet you've quoted me!! ;oP
Me: heh, I should do that
Dammit, it's not letting me re edit my thing!!!!!!!!! I accidently didn't type out the quotes at the end of the hyperlink tag. Basically I said I stole calling her my parnter in crime from her.

And yes, I'm aware I misspelled partner
Yea, and I stole calling her my
My Partner in crime keeps posting stuff about me, so I thought I'd say hi to her? Why? I'm bored, and also she's a nag.

Plus, I need something to distract me from the pain of my "git" of a stomach.
yay, I finally managed to link my board to the end of my posts, so that anyone who wants to comment can. It only does it on the archives, not the new posts so far, but...

Oh, and my board's a joint one with a friend, and it's pretty weird so far, but don't let that daunt you!
:( My tummy hurts especially much today

:( And my neighbors have been especially loud today

I guess this just isn't my day :(
Gah, sorry for being so vague yesterday. The "I hurt" thing, I'll probably explain in time, but what I'd really like to explain is the 7 days thing. Tho it's 6 days, now.

I am an undecided major.

I have run out of gen ed courses to take.

Now I have to decide my major before registering for next semester--in 6 days :( And I'm deathly afraid and unguided.

Call out my name
speak to me
and say that it's alright to be on the wrong track


~Stroke 9

Monday, October 01, 2001

I have 7 days to decide the rest of my life.

Everybody knows
it hurts to grow up
and everybody does


~Fighting It
Ben Folds

Rollerskate skinny and the terrible twos,
two years in and it's time to choose


~Rollerskate Skinny
Old 97's
I hurt.