I thought this was really funny:

All day, my town has been on a virtual lockdown because there was actually a tiger on the loose. It escaped at a truckstop on the west end.

I only found out all of this until after the tiger had been shot and killed. Then I was sad.

Well, I've been feeling better since that last post. I was gratified at the comments and the e-mail I got from people who read this trying to cheer me up. *sniff* I didn't know so many people cared. :D Anyway, I didn't have too much to blog about but I thought I'd post a song that also cheers me up. (ugh, I know, I'm so cliche)

"Jane" Ben Folds Five

jane be jane
you're better that way
not when you're trying
imitating something you think you saw

jane be jane
and if sometimes that might
drive them away
let them stay there
you don't need them anyway

you're worried there might not be
anything at all inside
but that you're worried
should tell you that's not right
don't try to see yourself
the way that others do
it's no use

you're worried there might not be
anything at all inside
but that you're worried
should tell you that's not right
you've had it harder than anyone could know
so hard to let it go

but it's your life
and you can decorate it
as you like
beneath the paint and armour
in your eyes the truth still shines
jane be jane
jane be jane

Today I had my first ever physical where they did a pap test. I already knew I wouldn't like it.
1) It's degrading to just have everything out there, with some stranger (we switch doctors so often I consider them strangers) touching it
2) I was forced to. I'm stubborn enough that I hate anything I'm forced to do: and make no mistake, I was forced to do this. They won't let me have my birth control pills unless I do. This means I have to do their damn test, or have a day of pain so bad all I can do is lay around all day once a month. Its no gun to my head, but it definately qualifies as extortion. They want to make sure you don't have cancer or something but I'm 20, have no family history of cancer, and if I want to be reckless and not watch for cancer it should be my own damn decision.

But there was a third reason I didn't know about: if you're a virgin, the speculum(sp?) (the thing they use to jack the hole open) hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. So I'm being forced to have this thing jammed up there when I don't even like to use tampons, crying and hyperventalating the whole time. I think that qualifies as a traumatic experience. (One that I have to have once a year if I want to still take my pills)

My mom's no help either. Afterwards I told her about it, and she felt bad for me, but it killed me, killed me when this happened.

Her: I didn't know it was supposed to hurt that much
Me: Well, the doctor said if I were sexually active it wouldn't, but of course I'm not.
Her: ...Thank God

Please. I don't think I could handle it if you were any more sensitive, mother. I know you're glad I'm not a whore, but saying that also says "I'd rather have you come back to me every year sobbing and in pain and traumatized than you dare have sex before getting married. And hell, the mental anguish you go through every day because you don't have anyone around who'd even dream of having sex with you is worth it, for my sense of security in that you're not out there being sinful."

I'm not going to go and find some guy to get it on with just so my pap test next year doesn't hurt. If I (by some bizarre miracle) find someone I really like who likes me back, I'm not just going to go and have sex with him just because I can. But it hurts to be 20 years old and never been asked out on a date, and it hurts to have it rubbed in like that while you're getting something rammed up there by a stranger, and it hurts to have it rubbed in like that again afterwards when you're talking to your mother. Which: by the way--even if you only count the mean things my mom and I have done to each other--we're both carrying around enough sin to send 80 people to hell, I doubt having sex with someone would especially damn me. Notwithstanding the fact that I'm not even Christian, and that though my mom claims to be one, she hardly acts like one.

Add all this crap to the fact that I'm never going to get a job and that my life is meaningless: I'm so, so depressed right now.

You are Wile E. Coyote!

Poor you. No matter how hard you try or how brilliant your schemes are, you can never gain what you truly desire. Sometimes, it seems like even the forces of physics are conspiring against you. Take the What Looney Tunes Character are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

I feel sorry for Mumbler sometimes, but he gets me so annoyed, and he's so dumb, I can't help but play with his head sometimes. This time, I corrupted Kin into helping me. Here's the conversation he and I were having when I got the idea to mess with Mumbler's head. The blue parts are the conver I was having with Mumbler that I pasted into the other conver, or ones that Kin did:

Kin: *GASP* Aw naw you di'ent!
Phoe: aww yes I diiid. Yo mama!
K: Psh...YO Mama.
P: Yea. My mama. But at least I don't *reveals your most down deep dirty secret*!
P: ugh, I couldn't resist:

Mumbler: do you spend a lot on entertainment
P: na
P: Except for all those strippers the other night
K: Oh NO! I swear I only did it once!! And-and...I put those weasles back, honest!
K: lol...You're so bad. =P
P: That's not what the weasels said! Well, the ones still living after that!

yea, I am
K: It was just plain old, good humored weasel fun!
P: ROFLMAO.
P: That's what eveyrone says until someone loses an eye
K: That weasel didn't use that eye anyway!...I guess.
P: I am very, very evil, I purposely pasted this into the other conversation:

P: K: It was just plain old, good humored weasel fun!
P: oops, you weren't supposed to get that
M: just out of curiousity what is weasel fun
P: You should probably ask K, he's better at explaining it than I am
K: LOL...You are bad. =P
Phoemeister: M: you guys are talking about a wild adventure
K: LOL!
P: he's so weird
K: Oh god...Whew...A wild adventure.
K: Yep.
P: IM him and tell him I wanted you to tell him about our wild weasel adventure
P:P: A wild adventure involving weasels, yes.
P: and those strippers from the other night
M: you love your strippers
P: He's so creepy
P: not as much as I love my weasels
M: I'm getting the story now
K: Yes he is.
P: P: You are? Pray tell, what is the story?
M: I don't know yet
P: But you just said you did know
Pr: Give me a straight answer, man!
M: I'm twisting his arm so he'll tell me
M: In the process of finding out
P: ah
P: Hear that? He's twisting your arm, lil' buddy
K: lol...Yep. He's twisting hard! It's taking all I've got to restrain myself. =P
K: I'll send you the whole conversation after we're done, don't worry. =P
P: be strong
P: awesome, thanks
P: M: I don't think there is a story
P: Oh, there's always a story with weasel-boi
P: you should make a new AIM SN: WeaselBoi
K: LOL...Jeeze he's snapping on me over here.
P: oh....?
K: Yeah.
K: M: what the fuck have I been asking you for the last five minetes, lets hear the god damn story
P: oh my god..... He's never cursed around me, ever.
P: just say we bought a weasel at a pet shop once and got it really drunk, and it peed on things, and then died, and we felt bad about it.
P: That's uh.... kind of innocoous
P: if I could spell inocuous
K: I said it all started with a friendly stoll through the woods. =P
P: AWESOME, lol
P:P: what did he say?
M: a lot of nothing
P: aw, that's annoying
P: dude, did you register OneEyedWeasel? Because I just tried to register it, and its totally already taken :P
K: LOL...No, I didn't take it.
P: There's a lot of people who're into OneEyedWeasels, I guess :P How lame would it be if you decided to be OneEyedWeasel11. That would be hilarious
K: lol
K: "I just REALLY like 11. And there were like, 10 other people who wanted to be a one eyed weasel"
P: I'm glad I snagged Phoemeister. That's MINE. Ain't nobody gonna take it away from me, yo
P: I'm still disapointed I didn't get OneEyedWeasel though
K: Yeah, that would've been nice.
P: who DOESN'T want to get a message from someone named OneEyedWeasel
P: I think i'm going to add it to my buddy list and yell at whoever has it if they ever get online. Studies show this doesn't work verywell though, because I once tried to register (my school id) and someone took it and I was lik e"who the hell took that?" and i had it on my buddylist for a year, and no one ever got on
P: DUDE. "WeaselFun" is already in use
K: Yeah, that never works. I tried to catch Kin on, and he/she never got on.
K: LOL...That's...Really sad.
P: LOL M: I'm going to bed, hopefully I will get to see your pornographic weasel pictures another time
Pr: EWWWWWWWWW
P: You perv!
P: Pornographic weasel pictures?
P: That's so gross, why did you think of that?
M: your friend said something about being naked next to a weasel
M: talk to him
K: LOL
P: now I HAVE to see that conver

Addendum: I find it really sad that WeaselSlut, WeaselGrrl, WeaselGrrrl, WeaselGrrrrl were also taken.

Now: Kin's conver. The hilarious things Mumbler says aren’t jokes. In a weird way, he actually means them. He’ll say anything when he’s confused. Again: sad. Even more: funny:

K: Hey.
M: hey
K: Phoe said I should explain weasel fun to yo.
K: To you.
M: you had an adventure with some weasels huh
M: I was curious
K: Oooh buddy, did we.
K: And rightly so. I mean, you just haven't lived until you have had some weasel fun.
M: what happened
M: I'm sure I've had some weasel fun, I just don't know exactly what it is.
K: Are you sure you want to know? It's rather intense stuff.
M: I can handle it
K: It's the stuff dreams are made of, my friend...The stuff dreams are made of.
M: only something you and Phoe can experinece I'm sure
K: Well, it was a pretty special experience.
M: lets here hear it then
K: Well...It's a hard story to tell, you know. I just get so...Full of emotion whenever I think about me...Phoe...and those weasels.
M: forget it then
K: No no, it's okay.
K: I mean, if you want to know I can relay the story.
M: what the fuck have I been asking you for the last five minetes, lets hear the god damn story
K: Okay, keep cool man. Just think of the weasels.
M: I'm thinking of weasels
K: It all started with a friendly stroll though the woods.
K: Just kidding.
M: figures
K: You see, we thought it would be cool to have a weasel you know? I mean, who doesn't love a good weasel? So we went from pet shop to pet shop looking for weasels.
K: We didn't think we'd ever find one. But finally this old guy, he had some weasels.
K: So we bought this weasel. And we thought it'd be fun to get it drunk, becuase we'd never seen a drunk weasel.
K: So, now we had a wasted weasel on our hands. And if you've never had to deal with a wasted weasel, let me tell you, it's not an easy thing to do.
K: It just started running and running and running around, like a constapated weiner-dog. Then it pissed all over the furnature and then it died. We felt bad for the poor thing.
K: And that, my friend, wraps up the Great Weasel Adventure.
M: that was a good story
M: you should publish it
K: Thank you. I'm glad you think so.
M: wish you had pictures of it so people could believe you
K: Ha! You want pictures? We took pleanty, my man.
K: Phoe's got them all. I think she keeps them in her sock drawer.
K: I'm sure if you asked her very nicely she'd show them to you.
K: We're gonna get doubles made, I think.
M: that would be cool
M: maybe I will get lucky enough to see them sometime
K: Maybe. But Phoe might be a little shy about them.
K: I mean, I am too. Have you ever seen a grown man naked with a weasel?
M: only a few times
K: Ah. Find it invigorating? Becuase being naked with a weasel is, let me tell you.
M: what did you two do with the weasel exactly
K: Geeze, did she try and deny it again?
M: she got grossed out
M: talk to you later
K: Psh...So typical.
K: Cya.

Life.....is good

Well...at least not too sucky. I do have an ACS exam at 8:00 p.m. (cuts right into my evening, those poopheads) tomorrow. But today was sweet.

1) I will now legitmately have my room to myself, and will no longer fear the next stranger they will feel like forcing onto me. At least this semester.
2) We got to see a Smashing Pumpkins video in Mass Com today. "Tonight, Tonight"'s video is actually based on a short film from the early silent film era. It was pretty cool. Props to the Smashing Pumpkins for making good music, and in turn making intelligent videos so that professors show them in class.

How I spent my summer vacation

Ugh, I'm tired of being Angry White Girl. I am, according to archives, the first AWG, but I'm pretty sure I'm not half as clever as my doppleganger.

I'm thinking of changing to:

Straining To Void

Anyway: I'm up for opinions on that. I thought of changing my name long ago, but I thought I'd get tired of that one too eventually, and isn't continuity provided by a single unchangeable name for my journal provide an anchor and a sense of continuity in the ever chaotic crapfest that is my life?

I'm a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

Addicted to Music

My headphones broke this afternoon when I got them out of my backpack to listen to on the way home. The speaker had broken off, but it was still connected by a wire, so they still worked, the one just hung there. I put them on anyway, and the left speaker hung there, I couldn't hear it and it looked dumb, and in walking it would whack me in the ear every so often. So I walked home wearing the broken headphones with my hand nestled under my chin with my pointer finger reaching up to hold the speaker against my ear.

I looked like a dork, but I'd rather do that than walk home without my headphones. And it kept my hand warm.

Does it make you wierd if you're a 20 year old heathen college student listening to songs from a line of Christian Children's Videos?

Right now the song I'm on is: God Is Bigger Than the Boogeyman

Ha, take THAT Spongebob Squarepants and your Spongey Sea Songs!

We're the pirates that don't do anything
we just stay home and lie around
and if you ask us to do anything
we'll just tell you
....we don't do anything

C++ is no fun.

I have to say, based on the dumb questions people ask in class, I understand more than about 50% of the people in there, but I'm still not having a good time.

Aaaanyhoos, the numero uno reason I hate it is its so technical I can't whine about it very easily. No one else I know programs, so the phrase: "they're trying to fuck me up on the test by not making the function call's arguments and the function header's parameter list match up" requires 20 minutes of explanation that no one wants to hear.

I think I agree with the guy who burst out saying, "But that's crappy!" in the middle of class. He didn't clean it up to crummy, he didn't bring it down to shitty, the man thinks ACS is crappy, and I'm 100% behind him.

Bah

My blog, as a poem:

body font:
12px arial, verdana, helvetica, ; } .bold; }
a { : comment
Because you have about 3 above
me
8 05 PM | Board Comments by:
loads
more I forgot, the trip to know anything about 3 above me
and karaoking to people looking for
an infinite amount of a function. He said it
needs
to Anyway, he
had
actually code a none; font: 15px arial,
verdana, helvetica, ; } header { font: 15px
arial, verdana, helvetica, ; : date {
font: 20px arial, verdana, helvetica, ; } .
header { font: 20px arial, verdana, helvetica, ; :
bold; } div { font: 12px arial, verdana, helvetica, ; }
p { : MC Phoe was really worth
capitalizing? Or something. like the platform.

or

body font: 12px
arial, verdana, helvetica, ; : bold; } a { :
Foo Fighters
in Canada.Then calling
it if he had to all my
head and now going
in a
crush on my minor. MC Phoe was going
in the fact that loaded
and
stuff on me
I think
it does take pride in thought Eventually by loads more
focusing on the flower
girl Blog Quotes Archives: Email Me
when I forgot, the same blog.
Here are
You really big butt Yes, this
is a
foo Fighters in ther ass#
shows up. #tooling around
in Ireland, including what with a crush
on the page
looking for pictures 7 on So she
come on! the Cycle Alternatune Alternachick Funny
looking up weird hits.

My sister came back from her honeymoon, and brought us all pens. Classy pens.

The one she got for me is my favorite, because it has the word "snout" printed on it. Twice.

How Are You Smart?

Eh, I don't know. I more like to listen to music, the more I learn about it the more I learn that I don't know anything about it at all. Speak of the devil, a conver I had right before I took this quiz:

Moi: That's cool. I wish I knew more so I could appreciate some of the technical stuff on a higher level sometiems
Kin: Yeah. I wish I knew more from a music theory standpoint. Sounds dorky, I know but I want to be able to name chords I hear and stuff like that. One of the first days of school, they were testing the fire alarms and after they went off my band director was like, "Mm, that was about an F#."

Sorry, just started ranting. =P
Moi: lol

no, that IS cool. Besides, you're cooler than me--have you read the blog entry yet where I actually code a piece of a foo fighter's song into a C++ function? THAT'S dorky.

Except he said he'd do it if he knew C++, and greyduck says it's cool, so I'm feeling sliightly less dorky about it :P

Because I'm too obsessed with Google

Here's the oddest search requests I've been found by since the last time I listed them. Holy crap a whole lot of people must be disappointed when they find this page looking for such things as:

# 7 Yahoo: pictures of mokeys
The fact that I'm referred by search engines for so many mis-spellings of words makes me think I should check my spelling more often. The most hilarious part is that the next blurb down on this search spells "Monkees" Mokeys.

#4 on google for: Toenail Fungus Vicks
I've mentioned this before, but in the short space of about 3 days, I've gotten no less than 14 hits for this, especially weird since it looks like the 3 above me on google are actually about using Vicks on toenail fungus.

#7 on like, portugese google for: crack minerva impression 2.0
Wow. Canada. Then Portugal. Look out, world!

#2 on google for : saw tupac at mcdonald's
I thought this was really bizarre that I keep getting this (I have 4 or 5 hits for it by now) but I finally looked at #1, and "I Saw Tupac at McDonalds" is really a song by a band called Matt's Dad's Basement. The reason people'd been clicking on me is because the page won't load anymore, but I'm smart enough to click on google's "cached" option so nyah nyah. Matt's Dad's Basement is part of the St. Louis music scene, and according to #1 "While the intuitive songwriting is often intense, lyrics like "I Saw Tupac at McDonalds" offer poetic hysterics that righteously displays the bands genuine agenda -- fun with their fans" I'm so nice, giving the world what it needs to see.

Google #2: monkey genitalia pictures
Oh, when will I ever be number one? I think they're classy pervs, saying genitalia and all. And they spelled it right, too!

google 9 for monkeys masterbate
Now I begin to wish I didn't mention monkeys and somewhat unclean language on the same blog. The weird searches were funny at first, but now I'm beginning to seriously be weirded out by the sheer numbers of people looking up weird sex-related monkey things

google #7 for optimus prime death monologue
I didn't know that this existed, but now that I know about it, I'm searching too. Go transformers!

#9 on google for BOOTYLICIOUS PANTS
They capitalized it. Are bootylicious pants really worth capitalizing? Or even searching for in the first place? I take pride in the fact that I'm thwarting someone from getting those awful pants with Bootylicious written on the ass. Bootylicous pants, bootylicous pants, bootylicous pants!

google 5 for looking for a funny punk girl
I think they got me because I'm a funny looking punk girl. Possibly with "poser" instead of punk.

It really hits me when I'm hanging with other monkeys, thinking of shit to say

Oh: and why I'm annoyed at functions: I didn't read the book like I should, and I'm too stupid to get them from just the lecture.

Functions have caused me to perfect what I call, "The Monkey School of Programming."

It's based on the theory that if you put 1,000 (or any number, really) monkeys in a room with 1,000 typewriters for an infinite amount of time, that one of them would eventually, by chance, come up with a completey accurate copy of Hamlet (or at least some of these).

So basically when i'm typing in function parameters, I'm using that school of thought: Eventually I'll get it if I keep changing things and seeing if it comes any closer to correct. So, I've actually finished two programs without understanding the functions used in them any more than a monkey understands hamlet. And it does take damn near infinity, too.

I also hate the >> and <<'s that go with cin and cout, because I forget which is which, and put in the wrong one, and it takes me about an hour to realize the error that comes up (ostream blah %^&*( blahdy blah &*)*&%F% &&&&&& @@@@ or something similar) means "you put >> when you really meant <<."

And yes, this is my minor.

It's been too long

I have to be the dorkiest person in the history of dorkdom. In ACS 168 (Applied Computer Science--168 being particularly loathed by most right-thinking people) we're basically learning the C++ language. Right now we're doing functions, these little bits of the program that don't go in the main program. (I'll get onto how much I hate
functions later) Well, to make that function start you have to call it. You have to do a "function call."

For a week now, I've had "This is a Call" by the Foo Fighters in my head because of this. (My brain just works like that. In England, on the underground, I'd get Ben Folds Five's "Underground" in my head. I'd get BFF's "Philosophy" in philosophy class. Now that it's spread to non-BFF songs, I'm a little worried) The chorus goes:

This is a call to all my past resignations
this is a call to all
this is a call to all my past resignations
it's been too long

And on the walk home: I start actively thinking of how to code that chorus into a function. (Do I get the dorkdom prize yet?)

void all_my_past_resignations()
{
cout >> "It's been too long";
}

would be the function, and then calling it would pretty much be the same as the first line of the code I just typed out, and the function would pretty much print "It's been too long" onto the screen. Yea, I'm a humongous loser.

Sadly, I was SO immersed in thought over EXACTLY how I would C++ code part of a Foo Fighters song, that when Ed (from the trip to England, I PROMISE I'm getting the account up soon) saw me and tried to get my attention, he had to practically hit me with a giant novelty mallet to do so.

I apologized, without saying the reason I was so deep in thought, more focusing on the fact that nobody on earth could get my attention when I'm walking along. And this is true. Naked Matt Damon could be screaming my name at the top of his lungs and I'd walk right past, thinking, "Would I make all_my_past_resignations an int function or a void function?"
He said it was alright because I had headphones on.
I neglected to mention that I don't notice people even when I'm not wearing headphones.

At this point, I have to mention, I have a little bit of a crush on Ed. I knew we were never going to end up hooking up (he told me his life story in Ireland, including what he's looking for in a girlfriend, which were obviously not-me traits, and that he's too busy for a girlfriend anyway. I don't think he had picked up that I had a crush on him, I think it was just something to talk about, but anyway: pretty sure it's not going to happen. And I'm okay with that--in a small way, I fall in love with nearly every guy who says more than two words to me, so I'm used to it.), but I still thought we could be friends after the trip. I didn't think we were, though, because he blew me off when I was trying to talk to him on AIM after that, and we'd not had any contact since.

So the fact that he had actually put the effort in to get my attention made me muchly gratified. Being oblivious is cool sometimes, because you definately know who actually wants to get your attention, as opposed to people who say hi because they think they ought to.

Anyway, he was going in the same direction for a little while, and we talked and he put his umbrella over me. Nice: because I'm too oblivious to the rain to remember my own umbrellla.

Speaking of forgetting things: I forgot the printed out code to the last program I had to write. I'm so annoyed, I thought of it a million times while I was still writing code, and now I'm going to get graded off for it, even though they have not one, but two electronic versions of the code, my algorithm, my desk check, my IPO chart.... Grr...

In honor of our canadian brethren:


you are deryk whibley.






you are deryk whibley of sum 41. you're small and some people might say you look like a troll. i say, short guys kick ass. you're punky but not, since 12 year-old girls keep your picture next to their pinups of justin timberlake, and i'm pretty sure that's.. like antipunk, or something. anyway, you put on a good show and you get the crowd going. if you're ever down because hardcore punks think you're a pussy, just remember that you're loaded and can by loads more skateboard gear than they can. unless their dads are rich.



which charismatic canadian musician are you?

Regular people don't think about their future and end up lying down in the fetal position hugging a pair of corduroy pants for a half hour while listening to Semisonic, do they?

Oh wait.... I forgot, I'm not regular.

Errr..... uhm..... I meant that strictly hypothetically.... yea.... hypothetical... *ahem*

*runs away*

I've decided I'm really big in Canada.

Proof:

1) I have about 5 (or less) people that seem to regularly read my blog. 2 are canadian
3) I got a hit from yahoo! canada once.

Conclusion: Germans love David Hasslehof, French people love Jerry Lewis, but they can kiss my ass because Canada is way bigger than either of those countries and it can't get enough of that Angry White Girl stuff.

Addendum: To please the canadian demographic, all instances of "dirty canuck," "filthy canuck," "Go back to Canadia," and "Go back to Canadia, you dirty filthy Canuck!" will be changed to slurs against Swedish people.

I'm trying to make a new template for this blog. Here are two rudimentary attempts.

Template 1

Template 2

And if you have any ideas to help me out, how I can make any of the style better, please tell me in the comments, don't keep it to yourself :P

Template

Which is the best template? Template 1 Template 2 Both are ugly, stick with this one Both are ugly, as is the old one: you just suck at this. Current Results

Well, I still don't have a roommate. Or even any indication of whether or not I'm going to get one anytime soon. I think either ISU screwed up, or my hamster-smuggling roommate never officially signed out. Either way: for once other people's stupidity is working FOR me.

I keep thinking about asking someone what's going on, but I know that that's a pretty good way to screw up the sweet deal I've got going on.

So today, I broke down and put half my crap on the other side. Maybe they'll forget so long that I can have it legit. Schwing!

Also: I'm #5 on google for: nude girl with Chimpanzee

Especially amusing: the searcher mis-spelled chimpanzee chimpazee.

#1 on yahoo for: not blocked ponr

I defy the kind of society that would block ponr.

#8 on german google for: mc donalds "time after time"

I just keep cranking out the weird mcdonald's hits.

ungh, I really don't mean to make my blog all about search requests, but I've got a flood of REALLY weird ones today, and if I don't blog them I'll forget them.

Google #4 for: saw tupac at mcdonalds YOU TOO??? I thought I was just halucinating, dawg.

Yahoo #2 for: Chimpanzee Butt. Yes, I'm happy to be the worlds' number two supplier of Chimpanzee butts and chimpanzee butt related paraphanalia (sp?).

Google ONLY for another search for that song in the honda ad. Yep.

I'm tired.

These searches don't even need a witty comment to make them funny. I'm just frightened that I have an anal fixation, what with how many times butt or ass shows up.

I'm #5 on google for: baboon butt pictures

#7 on yahoo for: pictures of things women put in ther ass

#1 on yahoo for: photo funny man nude jerk

Still only #10 on google for another vicks toenail fungus request.

#10 on google for: bootylicious+pants

>20, 3rd page or better, showing how desperate the searcher is: big butt white girl

My Sister's Wedding: The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly

Bad: It wasn't just a wedding, it was a 13 hour long extravaganza.

Good: For being 13 hours long, it was good.

Good: The wedding itself was pretty short.

Bad: I tripped on my dress on the step up to the platform.

Good: no other accidents.

Good: The wedding was so short that afterwards the wedding party ended up tooling around in our big-ass rented lincoln towncar half an hour in order not to show up early for the reception. That's where the LOTR conversation happened, and we also contemplated skipping the reception all together and just getting drunk in the walgreen's parking lot.

Bad: The ushers showed up late. And they were bad at ushing.

Bad: Photographer took a long time. The photographs were outside, and I think I have the West Nile Virus now, because some mosquito bit me 8 times in the same place on my arm and now I have the biggest rash looking bugbite thing ever.

Good: The flower girl shared her Scooby Snacks with me before the ceremony.

Ugly: The DJ started playing country and karaoking to it himself for several songs.

Good: Six year olds think I'm AWESOME now. I was kept busy dancing with them for quite some time.

Bad: I'm pretty sure my gut holder inner damaged some internal organs.

Ugly: Our cousin showed up with a shaved head and a four inch long goatee.

Good: The food was great.

Bad: Our grandma was sick, so she couldn't come to the wedding.

Good: Everything went pretty smoothly

Best. Wedding. Conversation. EVER.

Groom: I'm really annoyed that my ring won't fit today.
Bride: Well, maybe your finger was just small when we got it, for some reason.
Groom: That's not it. It fit againa month ago, and again last night when we were watching Lord of the Rings, and I had to take it out to play with it. Ahahahahaha! My ring is the one ring to control them all! It controls her (bride's ring). I control her! Muahahahaha!
Bride: No, mine controls yours. I have all the diamonds on mine.
Maid of Honor (me): Come on! The One Ring doesn't have diamonds!
Best Man: (to groom) Yours doesn't have the writing on it from the fire, though.
Groom: Do you know this? Have you tested it out? Have you chucked my ring into a fire lately? There's no way for you to know!
Best Man: Was it forged in the fires of Orodruin?
Groom: How'm I supposed to know that?
MOH: You'd think Jack Lewis (jewelry store) would tell you something like that.

More (wedding musings) later......

you're girl, interrupted. you're fun and friendly, and just a little bit crazy.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the slinkstercool community.

google #2: big butt white girl

I'm *sniff* a little misty.


My grandma has started cursing a lot more lately. I don't know if I just didn't notice it, or she's increased.

Anyway, it's funny when old people curse. Uttered by grandma tonight:

"Like hell he can!"
"Well I'll be a son of a bitch!"
"We beat the shit out of them!"

Ah, grandma. This almost excuses you of accusing me of being a drug user when I was in junior high.

The other day, I was talking to my Mom, and she's all worried about my sister's wedding (tomorrow). I said, "what's to worry about? I'm actually going to be up there and I'm not worried. You don't even have to do anything."

"Well. I have to walk up there and take my seat before everyone comes in."

Well la dee da. She's also worried that Sis's fiancee will turn out to be a jerk, but I figure after like, 4 years of dating (2 of living together), she'd know that by now.

But today, I started worrying. (Not about my sister, she's so smart and together, I think she can handle whatever life has to offer her) About standing up there while they take their vows. See... the air is full of pollen. I've been sneezing quite a bit lately.

"To have, to hold, and to ch-"
"ACHOOOO!!!"
"Err.... bless you. To cherish as long as you both shall live?"

Not pretty. Or, infinitely worse, IBS would strike and I'd get the runs. Anything but that....

Now I've added the links I wanted to the sidebar, and they're kind of just randomly in there instead of on my drop down menu like I wanted.

I still have a couple more I want to add, but give me a break: I'm lazy. AND, I should be actually studying for a test right now. Watch me not do that, k?

Pablo told me:

Okay, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is that you're number 1 on Google for: punk girl eating spaghetti. The bad news is that you're also number 1 on Google for: punk girl eating dead puppies. Oh Phoe, I would not be proud of that one if I were you!

I'm not proud of that. I am, however, proud of the fact that I know someone who would actively search those just to tell me what I rate on them.

ugh, i'm trying to add people to "other crap" and it just won't show up. Bleeeeeeh. I've C++ed all day, I don't want to deal with html now too.

Awesome: On yahoo, I'm number one for: punk girl blog.

it kind of took the wind out of my sails when I noticed #2 was a blog on knitting.

#2 on AT & T search (apparently they have their own search engine): sex reminds her of eating spaghetti weezer

Actually, Ben Kweller performs "Wasted and Ready," containing those lyrics. Not Weezer. I'm so helpful.

google #1 for: sex reminds her of meat and spaghetti

I can only assume it was a mis-heard version of the above, but I'm still slightly disturbed

Yahoo # 1 for: dead puppies arent much fun

I hope that refers to the Dr. Demento song. Otherwise I'm disturbed again.

ONLY google hit for: music "without you" "days go by, but still i think of yo

*sniff* I still think of yo, too, sometimes.

:-/ #2 on yahoo for: sex girl vagina white

I'm right above the BBC vagina FactFile^(TM) The rest is porn. I enjoy thwarting people looking for porn. Especially the porn lovers who can't spell. I think you should at least have to work for your porn.

#2 on yahoo: "how to make" butplug

I'm thinking of selling kits. And again: learn to spell. That extra T makes all the difference.
I realize I'm creepy for having any form of it on there in the first place. I SWEAR it's the pornolizer's fault. Honest.

16 on yahoo for: mistress shiva free

Ha. The majority of these are about cats. Helpful hint porn seekers: Put PORN in your search. Then you'll actually find porn. Instead of ponr, free cats, and the BBC Vagina FactFile

I'm #25 on google for: "cameron mcewan"

He's either doing a search on himself, or has a stalker. Now I'm pretty much putting anything up, that wasn't even funny. I'll stop now.

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

***if you don't like bestiality jokes or do not want to know what chimpanzee balls weigh, do not read the following conversation***

This guy was harrassing my friend on AIM and asking her the oldest guy she's ever shagged, or whether or not she sleeps in the nude etc. etc., so I IMed him.

me: I sleep nude.
Ukyid: ok
me too
me: My pet monkeys keep me warm.
me: Do you like monkeys?
Ukyid: yes
me: are you into monkeys?
Ukyid: no
me: too bad
Ukyid: oh well
u have a pic?
me: yea. I have lots of pictures of my monkeys
Ukyid: and of u?
me: Pictures of me WITH my mokeys
me: monkeys, even
Ukyid: ok
me: Don't monkeys smell so good?
me: Just thinking of monkeys gets me hot
Ukyid: ok
byeeee
me: What?
me: what did I say?
Ukyid: that monkeys get u hot
Ukyid: send me yr pic
me: Do you know that gorilla testes weigh 1 ounce, while chimpanzee testes are an enormous four ounce weight? (I SWEAR I learned this in anthro yesterday, the prof took an entire half-hour to tell us about monkey genitalia. Male monkey genitalia :-/)
Ukyid: no
thanks for the info
me: Yea. I hope to own a chimpanzee someday.
Ukyid: r u a virgin
me: .....with humans
Ukyid: ?????????
me: Well, it depends on your definition of sex. Is it the Clinton definition?
Ukyid: yes
me: Does it count with certain primates?
Ukyid: no
me: then yes, I am
Ukyid: u have had oral sex
me: Does oral sex with certain primates count?
me: What about armadillos?
me: I guess I'd have to say I've had about 12 oral sex encounters with lemurs, 1 with this gibbon (it didn't turn out well though), 1 with an armadillo but the shell chafed, and I gave this pity blow job to this dude from El Paso once.

Then he blocked me. Most of the times when I put up conversations like this, I change the name so that anyone who reads this page can't IM them and screw with their head as well, but if you feel inclined to IM this guy saying that dolphins get you off, or that you're so hairy you need to sleep in the nude because all that hair makes you too hot for clothes, be my guest, because I left his SN exactly as is on there.

P.S. if you do mess with his head, post the log in my comments so I can have a good laugh.

there were so many choices I liked, I took it again:

Which Animaniacs Character are You?

Talkative, huh? Perhaps sing-ative would be more appropriate, actually. When people don't understand something, it usually drives you to cutting, sarcastic remarks. Your other extreme is bursting into song with almost no prompting, often to explain complex ideas. No one knows quite what you are, exactly. You have made many "special" friends, and there's baloney in your slacks.
Click here to see my Livejournal.

Is it sadder that 1) i've taken it more than one time or 2) that the little descriptions both describe me somewhat accurately? I really, really hope I don't actually have baloney in my slacks, that would be one freaky similarity too many.

Which Animaniacs Character are You?

You are...unique to say the least. Though the events around you often seem complex,
even convoluted, you tend to drift off into your own world. It's nicer there. People
tend to think you're joking, even when you think you're being serious. Though, seriousness
is taxing for you. You'd rather play all the time than do boring work of any type,
and perhaps that's why inane dribble tends to issue forth from your mouth.

ZORT!

Click here to see my Livejournal.

Creepily accurate.

Do you know what annoys me? People who wear pants or shorts with things written on the ass.

It's like, "Hey! Look at my butt!" Have they ever considered that I don't want to look at their butt? What right do they have to inflict their butt on me? But, as a bee is drawn by nectar, my eyes inexorably drop down to the writing, and my brain's like, "You idiot! You're reading her butt. Did you really think someone's butt had something worthwhile written on it? Honestly." And in addition, I'm sure I look like I'm checking out some girl's butt.

Most of the shorts/pants say "ISU" (the S all but lost in most people's cracks), which makes me hold ISU in less esteem than ever, for making these abominations. I think my night was capped, though, by the girl I saw last night with "Bootylicious" on there. How confident do you have to be to wear Bootylicious on your ass? How do you know it is, in fact, bootylicious? Is there a committee out there that decided what is and what isn't Bootylicious one day? Did she survey friends? "Check this box if you think my ass is bootylicious." Did she go up to strangers, "Will you look at my butt and tell me if it's bootylicious? You're allowed one squeeze to help with the decision."

Oh and don't get me started on the song bootylicious. Or Destiny's Child. Or....anything.

Well, I've been experimenting with makeup lately. I've actually worn it some last week, and this week. I've decided I like it, despite my initial dislike. Before, I felt like I was wearing it for others, now I feel like I'm wearing it for myself. And I am quite vain. I'll look at myself in the mirror constantly now.

Today's not so good, though. I experimented with this navy blue eyeliner. I don't think I'm up to that yet. My left eye looks alright, if a bit slutty, but my right eye looks like a little kid experimented with their grown up slutty sister's eyeliner. And I tried to add mascara to fix my mistakes, but it kinda only made it look worse.

I don't think I'm going to the Sept. 11 remembrance thing on the quad today. I'd rather reflect and come to terms with it on my own than go to some dumb mass rally where we "show the world how we're banding together." It's so fake.

And I know I look like a jerk, "Oh, and here's how my makeup is today. I think it's a bit slutty. Blah blah blah. Oh, by the way, Sept 11......" but I debated long and hard about whether or not I was even going to include anything about it today. I'm so sick of hearing about it from other people. I mean, I like hearing about it from Dubya, and other people in charge, or people who have information about the contexts of the situation, but I'm sick of every damn reporter talking about it just so that they can look sensitive and make people like them because they care. I'm sick of people like me talking about it, too. Sure, it affects me and the other regular people, but it somehow degrades the actual victims'/families of victims pain, in my opinion, to say, "well here, this is how I feel about it." It's my diary to do what I please with, but I feel so show offy saying how I feel about the attacks. That's why, though I started this blog pretty soon after it last year, I didn't say anything about it originally. Because again, everyone was saying how they feel, and I figured, "who needs one more dumb 'this is how I feel about it' post?"

So I find myself here on the anniversary talking about 9/11, and how people shouldn't talk about 9/11 like the stupid hypocrite that I am.

me: I'm depressed
wanda: :-(
What's the matter??
me: Intro to Mass Com. "Yes, there's only about 700 new jobs in print media created every year. That's substantially below the increase in population." There's probably more than 700 mass com majors in ISU alone. "And as for broadcast, the number of jobs are actually decreasing. Not even relative to the population, actively decreasing." "Oh, and here's a sample question for your first test next week:

Papyrus was invented in ___, a substantial improvement over clay tablets.
A. 2500 BC
B. 3500 BC
C. 100 BC
D. 200 AD
me: What the fuck?
me: Why do I need to know when they invented papyrus?
me: I mean, he mentioned it, but I didnt' think he was serious.
me: And the whole stupid class is made up of stupid facts like that that we have to memorize by rote that we'll never ever use again
wanda: What'a twat.
me: Oh, and don't get me started on ACS
wanda: BTW, I think it was wither 3500 or 2500 BC - can't remember off the top of my head.
wanda: Ok... I won't!!
me: yea, it is one of those two
me: lol
me: poor kev--he asked me how I was and I totally listed, line item, every horrible thing that's happened to me lately :P
me: If it's any consolation when people start their degrees over here they find they're learning crap stuff they don't really need to know... the intro part ofthe course is always a load of bollocks.
me: yea...
me: Well, I knew it would be crap like "this is what the printing press did,' but I swear they give us the most useless facts. I thought I'd get useless concepts, at least
wanda: lol
wanda: Awww
wanda: Well I start my course on Monday, so we'll both be able to bitch about what crap we're being taught then!
me: AWESOME. You're an art major, right?

Yea, I think that'll be dumb too. I mean, who can tell you what art is?
wanda: Yep.
wanda: Lol, exactly. Hopefully they won't try to ;o)
wanda: Otherwise you'd hear me shouting fromthere
me: LOL. "Why, what is that noise?"

"I think it's Wanda, In England. They must be trying to teach her art."
me: Mass com sucks. We're all in it because it's our last-ditch effort not to become corporate automatons, to find something that we love but that can be applicable, something that we can make and be proud of, but we're all going to end up working at McDonalds, or going back to school and then becoming corporate automatons
wanda: You won't.


Oh, and let me tell you: I'll beg, cheat, steal, or borrow before I come back here again, so it's McDonald's for me. I appreciate Wanda's optimism, though.

Igraine and I talked about it too:
I: So, what do you think you'll end up doing?
Me: Working for McDonalds or something.
I: What about Mumbler? He's a mass com major too, right?
M: Yea. He'll probably end up flipping burgers with me. "So...are you going to take a nap after your shift?" It'd be the salt in my wound.
I: No, the salt in your wound would be if you ended up flipping burgers and he DID get a Mass Com job.
M: *laughs* D'oh. That would. That, or being the manager at my McDonald's. I'd have to quit and go over to Burger King.

I may not be soup.
I may not come from a store.
But I do love you.

Word.

What's with these homies dissing my girl, why do they gotta front?

Ahahaha, I got my stereo in today. Now I'm doing my best to convince people I'm a weirdo by blasting out Ben Kweller belting out "Sex reminds her! Sex reminds her!" King Adora shrieking "I got fire, loins on fire!" and Weezer going, "I got dungeon master's guide, I got 12 sided die." Later--Everclear's "You Make Me Feel Like A Whore," and "I Hope You Die" by the Bloodhound Gang (provided by Wanda). If anyone gets annoyed, I'm turning it off--I know what it's like to have horrible loud neighbors. But until then I'm partying it up with my most bizarre tunes.

Update: I played I hope you die, but I think the more freaky one is blasting out "A New Vagina" also on that tape, where at the end the guy's just saying vagina over and over in an extreme falsetto.

I love music.