So may 9 is when the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album comes out. I am soooo looking forward to it, except I looked at it on wikipedia, and unfortunately it sounds like it will hearken back to their earlier work, which I was never a fan of.

I did have to laugh at this description though:

Kiedis later spoke to MTV News about the album, saying that it has "retardedly painful funk" and some songs that are just "straightout dirty funk"

So there you have it. Retardedly painful funk. *facepalm*

Phoemeister: you got quiet
Sui: sorry bleeding
Sui: hard to type with one hand
Phoemeister: ouch
Phoemeister: why?
Sui: stupid nose
Sui: maybe it's a tumor
Phoemeister: if you have a tumor I bet it is very cute and furry
Sui: haha
Sui: are tumors allowed to be cute and furry?
Phoemeister: who makes the tumor rules?
Phoemeister: they're sick of you bossing them around
Phoemeister: they can be cute and furry if they want to
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: maybe they'd stop making you bleed if you would just stop being so damn controlling
Sui: haha they're rebelling!
Phoemeister: aww they always do that in this stage
Phoemeister: how cute
Sui: well they better stop
Sui: or they'll get the business end of a screwdriver
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: wouldn't sticking a screwdriver up there make you bleed anyomre?
Sui: probably but maybe it would stop eventually
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I think you should see a real doctor
Phoemeister: I bet they know exactly how to use the screwdriver
Sui: hey, I only have so much blood
Sui: it would stop eventually
Phoemeister: LOL
Sui: you mean like.. with a hammer?
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: if you bled really slowly it would replenish itself
Sui: hmm
Sui: Would you consider that a perpetual motion machine?
Sui: like.. what if I found a way to consume my blood as nutrition and continued to make more
Sui: I could just attach a tube from my nose to my mouth
Sui: and live forever

Phoemeister: so I frightened one of my managers by knowing the names of all the monkees the other day
Sui: haha nice
Sui: you are old school
Phoemeister: I am
Phoemeister: well the thing is I have been saying "son of a monkey's uncle" around work lately, because I want to say son of a bitch but I can't curse around work
Phoemeister: And my manager was like, "Do you know what the son of a monkeys uncle is?" and I'm like, "Peter Tork's cousin?"
Phoemeister: and when he shakes his head in disgust, I'm like, "Mickey Dolenz's cousin?"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "Davey Jones' cousin?"
Sui: brilliant
Phoemeister: And then when he's like no I'm like, "I guess it has to be Mike Nesmith's cousin then."
Phoemeister: but his thing was apes are evolutionary cousins to monkeys
Phoemeister: I think mine was funnier
Phoemeister: he did not think so
Sui: I would have to agree
Sui: primate jokes are no where near as funny as old parody sitcom rock band jokes
Phoemeister: yes! That's what I'm saying

I forgot to mention, awhile ago I added more comics, "retales." They are awesome. Of course I will never have to ask anyone if they want coupons again, we're onto a rewards program now.

Also, for a long time Ryan and I have thought he was Slither and I'm Boy On a Stick, and I think we're right, because this one is so me, and this one is so him.

So today I read! And liked it! I went a couple weeks without reading at all and then read some pulpy fantasy, and I'm back, baby! Pulpy fantasy is like crappy emo for the fatigued book reader's soul.

In other news, I kind of agreed to be on a softball team yesterday. What was I thinking? I suck at sports and don't particularly like them. On the other hand, I thought it might be fun or something.

But now I'm having second thoughts but I've already asked for the work off and I don't know if I'll even know if I have work off by the time they want to know by....

So I guess the moral of the story is if you want me to give you a large sum of money, have sex with you, or help you bury a body, you'll want to ask me while I'm busy and tell me you need the answer right away, because apparently then I'll just be like, "Yes," without thinking about it and then feel too bad to go back on my word later.

Work was slightly less insane today. I looked at how many transactions I had at registers yesterday, and it was about 225. The closest person only even had about 190, and most people only ran 120 or 130. Plus, we sold 120% more than we expected yesterday. So I feel pretty much justified in feeling all bitter and angry and overworked at the end of yesterday, now.

Today I had the early shift, so for the first glorious half of the day I didn't even have to deal with customers, which was nice. The second half, the customers were fairly decent and it was a little slower than yesterday.

Also, Optpri and I carpooled again, which was awesome both ecologically speaking and in terms of interesting conversation on the way to and from work. I also bought a zanimal keychain (the frog). Zanimal! Zanimal, I tell you! Zanimal zanimal zanimal!









Zanimal!

Lately I've been loving the string quartet tribute to Coheed & Cambria album. I love it in general, but also for the very specific reason that I can really picture it as the soundtrack to a chase scene in a period film. I think that the firsth half of this thought started the other day when I had it in for after close at work and Jersey was like, "I love this! I feel like I'm in the 19th century." And then when I was driving with it on I was like, "This would make good car chase music!" so yeah, I can't escape that thought when I listen to it. Though of course it would be a horse chase or it would happen on foot or something thanks to the shortage of car chases in the 19th century.

Otherwise, I've been a little down. The thing is, Mulva's hit some hard times financially, and has been making noises about just being like, "screw it!" and moving to Japan. I don't know if it's something he really wants to do or if he's being melodramatic, but I was thinking that I'd miss him (and all the cheese he buys for me). And it got me to thinking: nearly everyone I'm friends with right now either has specific plans to move soon or has been generally indicating that they might. Sista wants to go back to Springfield, Jersey wants to go back to Jersey, Optpri wants to go back to Chicago, Mouse is going to grad school.... it sucks. I hate when people leave. First off: I don't know if it's because most people have more friends than me, and thus don't value their friendship with me as highly as I do with them, or else they're just lazy: but no one bothers to keep in touch. And I miss them. I really miss them. Not like I'm crying myself to sleep at night, but a dull ache that won't go away for ages. Also: I hate breaking in new people. Hate, hate, hate. They might be perfectly good people or whatever, but I want nothing to do with them! I want the old ones that I'm comfortable with already, dammit!

Also: if I keep up with this job, which I guess is my plan right now since all my dreams and hopes are dead, I will be going through this process constantly with the crazy high turnover rate at the store. What will it be like when I'm all old and all the new people are young and it's creepy if I try to make friends with them? And I want to move out of my parents house. I was thinking of getting a second job the other day (which how do I even do that? I don't know what availability I could give them. I won't have any day or time of day available unless I actually fill out a thing at the store that says I can't work then, and I won't know what availability the second job would want, so I couldn't fill out the thing at the store beforehand..... blah blah blah). But how sad is it if I get a place on my own and then have no friends? I can picture myself alone every day watching bad TV and eating spaghetios or mac and cheese or whatever crap food I eat all day. As annoying as my parents are, as depressing as it is to live with your parents, I don't know if I could handle all that aloneness constantly.

A roommate would probably help, both financially and the being alone all the time part, but I don't know anyone I could or would move in with.

And today in particular sucked because it was REALLY busy. Like, I was having christmas season flashbacks. I was even having 'nam flashbacks. It was crazy. I wanted to die. I spent the first 2/3 of my day at registers, and there was not enough backup. Also, we just started this rewards program they're making us push. And the thing is: it's a good program. So at least I don't feel horrible like I'm trying to sell crap. And it's free too. There is no possible down side. But the customers are suspicious and get hostile, and then there are the ones that want you to explain every detail, and it IS kind of a complicated program. Anyway, I got pretty sick of explaining that and/or trying to convince the hostile ones that we are for real and not going to be having hidden charges later on or whatever insane thing they think we're going to do. Then the last 1/3, I wasn't at registers, but I was register backup, and it was busy enough that we needed all the backup possible. By the end I just wanted to punch people in the face*.

Anyway, for awhile I couldn't figure out why it was so friggin' busy, but then I realized we have been giving out this really good coupon for two weeks that is only good for like three days, and of course today is Saturday, the day that the most people are available.

Goodness about today: my parents finally took me out for my birthday. I had steak. And was less offended that everything was all about the 'phew since I'd basically had most of my real celebrations earlier in the week.

_____
* Especially this one woman and her two children. First off, she wanted three different transactions so that each of her kids could buy their things separately. The first kid: I am NOT exaggerating when I say paid me the 12.75 owed in quarters and dimes. 12.75! Do you have ANY idea how many quarters and dimes that is? Do you? DO YOU??? Then, in all the madness with the change, I forgot there was a coupon. So I had to go back and do a refund and then give the woman a dollar. THEN she went nuts because in all that the coupon that prints out from the register for next week got lost. She tried to blame me, but then realized her kid must've lost it. By the way, during ALL of this her kids are going insane, irritating each other, putting their hands all over everything, annoying other customers. And WE'RE STILL ON THE FIRST TRANSACTION! Of THREE! The other two go better, mainly because I was paid with real money in one case and credit card in the other, as opposed to TWELVE SEVENTY FIVE IN QUARTERS AND DIMES. Then she has a children's punch card. She has three books but the card only has two punches left, and I can't give her a new card because we're discontinuing them. So I explain to her, and she starts getting all mad about that. And she's still mad she can't find the stupid coupon even though she's getting two more thanks to the fact that she has insisted on THREE FUCKING TRANSACTIONS. Anyway, I finally got through it and there was no one behind her, so I left as soon as possible. I knew to bring up the rewards program would plunge us into a downward spiral that could only lead to madness or perdition, so I kind of didn't mention it to her, and was sure at any time she'd notice the other cashiers promoting it and get mad at me, but she didn't so I was free to escape. Anyway, I left but then get called back to the registers almost immediately, and she's still at my register so I totally was like, "screw it" and went and helped people at another register. This woman was the last straw, man. If I'd gotten one more like her I think I would've gone insane and made her eat all of our rewards cards or something.

Today I hung out with my high school friend. We partied hard. If by partying hard I mean going to that chinese place I like.

Sui: time for me to go in ignoring mode :D
Phoemeister: daaaaaaaamn you
Phoemeister: maybe I'll just get of the damn computer and live my life
Phoemeister: jsut to spite you
Sui: haha
Sui: no you won't :|
Phoemeister: ........
Phoemeister: okay, maybe I'll get off the computer and watch one of the many DVD's I got for my birthday
Phoemeister: no actual living will happen
Sui: haha
Sui: I can believe that

So today was awesome, in that I saw Ryan online the first time in ages.

It was not awesome that the reason I hadn't been seeing him is that awhile ago I got in a snit and blocked him and then forgot I did it. I swear, I'd be all annoyed and like, why is he never on? And now I know: he was, only I'm stupid.

The 'phew was over, but he was very crabby. He didn't want to be around anyone but Dad. Also, if I ever have a kid (which I won't, but I still have to say this) I will shoot myself in the face before I buy any of that Baby Einstein stuff. Or else I will buy it, and having to watch it over and over will make me shoot myself in the face.

I've watched a couple of my movies and am now listening to muuuusic.

So first off, I want to mention: The Man Who Saved Christmas stopped in the other day. I can't believe I forgot to mention it. I've wondered before if he has been in since then, but the problem is I don't remember faces very well since I see so many people every day, especially during the holiday season. And I was all, "The Man Who Saved Christmas could be in here once a week and I would never even know it was him!" and it was kind of sad.

Anyway, he actually kind of came up to my register yesterday and I greeted him or whatever and he said, "You don't remember me do you?" and of course I didn't, and then he added, "I had a couple things wrapped around Christmas time..." and then of course I totally remembered. I told him how I call him The Man Who Saved Christmas etc. etc. I think I might've freaked him out a little. BUT: the fact that he brought it up to me when he could've just anonymously shopped despite the fact that I acted like an insane woman the night we met means that he does not mind freakiness from me, I think.

Phoemeister: speaking of guys I am meant to be with
Phoemeister: The Man Who Saved Christmas totally stopped in yesterday
Sista: did you make out with him?
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: no
Phoemeister: He's actually kind of old, I hadn't remembered that
Phoemeister: plus I think if he were in love with me he might've stopped in more in the last two months
Sista: i like older guys
Phoemeister: BUT, he did actually go up to me and mention the incident, so now I know what he looks like
Phoemeister: I don't really
Sista: i like most guys
Phoemeister: maybe you should hook up with the man who saved christmas
Sista: is he attractive?
Sista: he is obviously hillarious
Phoemeister: Well... okay. I can't be picky. I can't be 100% sure that if The Man Who Saved Christmas asked me to make out with him, I would say no. I'm just saying, seeing him did not really make me warm for his form.
Phoemeister: Average looks, I guess.
Sista: did you say warm for his form?
Phoemeister: I said warm for his form!
Sista: dear god
Sista: Phoe, this might be the reason you've never been active with men... "i am very warm for your form" actually that would probably work.. it sounds overly sexual...... i take back what i said use that line
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: okay

In other news, I opened my gift from my sister: and whoa. EVERYTHING I asked for that my parents didn't get. That is hella generous. Especially since I don't have that much money and always get her something cheap that I get a discount on from the store. And also now I know why my parents had to resort to padding, because my sister is also hella efficient and I KNOW she went out and got this stuff like the day after I gave it to her, leaving my parents with not as great of a selection to pick from.

I also got a free dessert from the store. I'm signed up for this savings card, so I got a coupon for a free dessert. I thought of just getting a cookie, but instead I went ahead and got the most expensive thing I could for the hell of it. That was cheesecake, which I don't normally like, but we have this white chocolate raspberry cheesecake that actually turned out to be quite awesome.

I also feel a little bad about everything I've gotten between Christmas and my birthday. With the giant pile of CD's and DVD's I have and/or will have once I cash out all the giftcards: I'm sure I could feed a third world country or something. And then whining about having too much makes me even more of a jerk. I really need to start volunteering at a shelter or something to feel less bad about myself. I have no idea how to go about this, or find volunteer work I would not be even more of a jerk about and quit right away. Which boils down to "I'm too lazy, I guess I'll just feel bad about myself and my burgeois family who loves me and buys me things."

Film night was tonight, it was a less crowded one with only a couple work people (Mouse & Optpri, plus obviously Mulva and me) but the movie, Schizopolis was still hella good. I tell you, I want Steven Soderbergh to have my babies. Judging by his character in this, though (he acts as well as directs! is there nothing he can't do?) he might be too busy masturbating. Anyway, as the title suggests, it's pretty random, so um... if you ever find yourself in the position of watching it, don't expect anything like his more commercial movies (Erin Brockivich, Ocean's 11). I'm told it all ties together and has all these "secret" messages, but as Steven says in the speech at the beginning of the film, I'm too stupid to get them. And as Mulva says, you have to watch it about 50 times before you get them. And I really did like it... but I can see how it would get old for me on repeated viewing. Some of the funny bits are most amusing because of novelty.

Also, we decided that one of our coworkers is secretly the guy in the movie who was, I guess, an exterminator, who took naked photos of himself and had sex with a lot of women and then finally just started randomly beating up mattress salesmen and shooting people. Also he had some pretty sweet goggles, not to mention his bitchin' ride.

So... I'm a huge music whore. I got so much today. But... I've barely scraped the surface of my giftcard funds. I should probably do this on Karaoke, but I don't really feel like it. So.. yeah. Maybe a more in detail post there later.

So I got Cake's Fashion Nugget (finally! I can toss the tape I recorded of my sister's copy now) and Gorillaz's Demon Days with the gift card I got at Best Buy today for the Coheed & Cambria DVD. I kind of took a flyer on Gorillaz even though I suspect it's not my normal type of music because it was cheap, I had a gift card, and I like Feel Good Inc.

Then at the store, I got String Quartet Tribute to Coheed & Cambria. It is AWESOME, man. I normally don't go in for classical. There's no hook to grab me, really, so I'm defeated before I can begin. But since I already am into all these songs, I can totally enjoy them this way, and it's really cool. Plus, I'm thinking it might be "bring into work"-able as people's main objection to Co & Ca is usually the high pitched voice and crazy-ass lyrics which obviously this album is not hampered by.

I got Kevin's CD. Everyone keeps asking me why I want to pay, since Kevin apparently gives them out like candy. But it's only 7.99 at the store, and with my bitchin' discount, it's 5 bucks. I am not so cheap that I won't spend five bucks (gift card money, even) to support a local artist whose music I really do like enough to regularly listen to.

Lastly I got Better Than Ezra's Friction, Baby, which I'd never bought for the same reasons I never got the Cake CD. I had to order it in because they never sell it anywhere anymore, but it was only 10.00. In my opinion: albums they have had since then may be more mature and artistic, but this one is still the best. I love every single song on that CD (okay, all but one. still life with cooley is just not very good) which is something I can not say for most cds I have.

I also got headphones and a book that I accidently did not realize was the third in a series, not the first.

So I went to my eye doctor and he popped the contact right out and I felt stupid. I asked him if it was the new brand of contacts, and he said no, it just happens to people sometimes, but I think he's full of it because I've worn contacts like 8 years now and that's never happened to me before.

I also went and did my exchanges at Best Buy. I got the proper Franz Ferdinand, but got a gift card in lieu of the proper Coheed & Cambria DVD. First off, we couldn't find the Co & Ca DVD, but secondly: after watching Ben Folds & WASO live in perth yesterday, I am now re-invigorated in my belief that I do not like concert DVD's.

Also: I've decided Fall Out Boy is just what I needed, no matter how crappy it is. I was explaining it to people last night, how to me a crappy emo CD is like, junk food or a stupid movie. I realize it's not Creme Brulee or Citizen Kane, but sometimes my brain needs to rest. Which, I think mine does. I think with music I've been having the same problem I have had with not wanting to read lately, because I've been listening to all this great complex stuff that takes me forever to fully get into, and it's a lot of work. Whereas Fall Out Boy: it's pretty much all there right up front, and sure you get tired of it quickly, but it's something fun to cleanse your palate with. So I suspect I will be writing Fall Out Boy a fan letter that goes something like, "Thank you for sucking so much. If you weren't so homogenous, you would be of no use to me. Keep up the crappy work!"

My birthday started out pretty crappy. I woke up at 8:00, which I always hate when I wake up that early for no reason. Also: had a face full of allergy gunk and my left ear was killing me. It still hurts a little, so I'm afraid of an ear infection.

Then on top of it I was freaking out about my contacts. I switched eye doctors not that long ago so that I could be covered by my new insurance. He switched my contacts. Anyway, last night was the first time I tried to take them out (I wear those ones you wear a week, take out and wash, then wear another week, then throw away) and one of them won't come out! And... like, usually if I'm having troubles getting a contact out, it'll at least move around in my eye when I touch it. But this contact... I can't do anything with it that will move it a millimeter, it's like it's glued on. And I tried again this morning, and I still can't get them out. Basically what I did was put the other one back in my other eye and be like, "Screw it, I'm going to deal with this another day, this is my birthday!"

Then I opened up my presents from my parents. They are crazy generous. I got a giftcard for the store, plus gift cards for various eating establishments (Panera, Taco Bell, McDonalds). I was slightly irritated (I know I'm a jerk for critizising) but I specifically told them what I really wanted off my list and what I just added as padding in case they couldn't find the other stuff (and I told them which was which), and all except for one thing (Home Movies Season III) came from the padding. So I might put back some of the stuff I have on hold right now, and get some of the stuff I originally asked for with the gift card from the store. Said padding consisted of: Ben Folds & WASO, Coheed & Cambria Live at Starland Ballroom, Fall Out Boy, and Franz Ferdinand. I think we might end up at Best Buy sometime this week to do some exchanging, as they accidently got the wrong Franz Ferdinand (I wanted the old one, they got the new one) and the coheed & cambria DVD because they accidently got it in PSP format.

But as for shopping for any of the other things, I have to wait till I've seen what my sister got me. She seems to have a disregard for any indicators of "this is padding, this is not" similar to my parents, but since all padding has already been bought, she pretty much has to have gotten me one of the things I especially wanted (she doesn't really go in for surprise gifts).

Then I spent the bulk of my day watching Home Movies and listening to Fall Out Boy. Then I went over to Sista's and hung out for a little while before my birthday dinner and we caught up, which was nice. We haven't been able to hang out that much lately, and of course if you stand around talking at work too much its not good.

Then I went to my birthday dinner. All first time Noodle eaters were impressed by the deliciousness of Noodle cuisine, which is pretty much what I expected. Someday all will bow to the awesomeness that is Noodles.

It was also AWESOME. It was a big enough group to make me feel loved and a small enough group that I didn't start freaking out. We had a lot of fun.

Then, my parents and I agreed on Saturday for the family dinner, at Lonestar. AND my mom hinted that maybe my parents and I could go to Jim's Steakhouse in the near future (one of the places I'd been thinking of choosing for the family dinner, but would be a bad idea if the phew is in tow, as it takes awhile to be served there) since I was nice and picked Lonestar. So that means I have at least two delicious Steaks in my near future. PLUS, my one high school friend I still hang out with totally called me tonight (which, it's funny, she didn't even know it was my birthday) and we are going to go and eat at Manderin Garden, the best chinese place EVER (and the only chinese place I like, actually) on Friday. So, counting Noodles, that's like four birthday dinners at four of my favorite places, people. I am very, very happy. And on Wednesday, I shall make my way to Mulva's to enjoy yet another fine cinema night. So I have another week full of awesomeness ahead of me (especially if you count the buying binge I'm going to go on with gift cards and that I have yet to open what my sister got me and Mouse is bringing me a Rogue Wave CD tomorrow and Mulva already brought me the Strokes, The Boy Least Likely to, and Camera Obscura).

Mulva: lo-fi that's not got bad sound quality, since i learned that irks you after the moldy peaches fiasco
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I love how you call it a fiasco
Mulva: the dance was ruined
Phoemeister: like I got really pissed and was like, "WE CAN"T BE FRIENDS ANYMORE IF YOU SEND ME SONGS WITH BAD SOUND QUALITY"
Mulva: It came on and you broke up with me and left the dance floor and everyone gasped
Phoemeister: and then the floor opened up and you fell in the pool
Mulva: shit, i remember that
Phoemeister: and you almost killed yourself
Phoemeister: but an angel showed you what effect your life had on others
Mulva: And I sang...look at me I'm Mulva, lousy without Phoe
Phoemeister: and I pointed and laughed
Phoemeister: and you were like, "HEY, AT LEAST I DON'T LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY"
Mulva: And then the dinosaurs came......
Phoemeister: they enslaved the human race
Phoemeister: so that we could cobble dinosaur shoes for them
Mulva: and they played fall out boy as we slaved in their quarries
Mulva: because a misguided dinosaur studied the wrong specimen (you) and determined we must like them

Sista: heh i need quote for my myspace page
Phoemeister: cool

you can try ____ summer home, some are home some are not if you want to go with another gem from my family
Phoemeister: or You're talkin' like a sausage
Phoemeister: I can also supply you with Fall Out Boy quotes
Sista: go forward please
Phoemeister: lol, okay. Well starting off with song titles, there's "Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends" "I slept with someone in fall out boy, and all I got was this stupid song written about me"
Phoemeister: I shall leaf through the actual lyrics for you too
Phoemeister: because that's just the kind of friend I am

*pause*

Phoemeister: man, i can't find any good ones
Phoemeister: fall out boy sucks
Sista: hahha

Phoemeister: I know you usually talk about them when you want to blow off steam, and that they're not actually that horrible, but I seriously hate your inlaws
Phoemeister: If I ever saw them in person I would punch them in the face
Tina: they are very quirky people, yes
Phoemeister: I'm quirky. I'm a picky eater! I don't want to punch me in the face!
Tina: I hope not, that sorta thing can get you committed

later

Tina: I need to go to bed... people have been real jackasses lately about when I get up
Phoemeister: I WILL PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE FOR YOU ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK

Oh, I've been wanting to post a story I told people at work a couple days ago for a couple days now, because it totally cracks me up.

Anyway, apparently Garry Moore, a newscaster from the TV station I used to work at, stopped by the store not that long ago. I was talking to a coworker that I don't really have a fancy nickname for, and he brought it up.

Coworker: Yeah, Garry Moore stopped into the store, and this one lady thought we were related or something because we were having an animated conversation.
Me: Garry Moore from WEEK?
Coworker: Yeah.
Me: I worked with him! Well... I sat at his desk all the time and read online comics. We worked different shifts. I also would stare at the pictures on his desk. One of them was really gay. He was like, hugging this dude and they were both wearing tuxedos and it was a studio portrait so it wasn't like, an impulsive hug, it's a posed hug. Also he has this photo of him in african tribal dress doing a splits in mid-air.
Coworker: Phoe, you crack me up.

Anyway, it was a funnier story in real life, probably. But man, I just can't get over how gay that picture was, and I wanted to share a description of it with you all. And let you know: I had a LOT of time on my hands at that job, so I spent a lot of time at that guy's desk looking at his pictures and back archives of Sluggy Freelance.

I'm tired today. I stayed up slightly later than I should've, rocking out to the musical stylings of Kevin, and then I was worrying about getting enough sleep, said worrying depriving me of yet more sleep.

Kevin is GOOD, by the way. I was kind of surprised the first time I heard any of his stuff, because I was like, "Oh geez, I'm going to have to pretend to like it, and I will never have any respect for Kevin ever again if it's bad." But it wasn't bad. Last night he played a lot of new songs that weren't on his CD and they were all good too! And I think he's got very good stage-patter. Maybe I'll be able to say I knew him before he made it big. I think with my gift card purchases I'm going to go ahead and actually buy his CD (the copy I have right now I actually borrowed from Carmax forever ago, and I feel kind of bad I haven't been able to give it back, we keep accidently not hanging out when we mean to. But she's going to my birthday dinner tomorrow, so I should be able to give it back finally).

I was also glad I got to go with Mouse. Before Kevin went on, we sat in the back and made fun of the performer before him. Seriously, the guy's songs sucked, his patter was even worse, and he had hair like a brillo pad. I suspect a perm gone terribly wrong (though how many perms actually go right?) except that I can't imagine anyone doing that to their hair on purpose. Also, he had a song called "What have I done?" and Mouse and I came up with horrible things to plug into the song as what the guy did, such as, "Look at these dead babies/what have I done?" "I shouldn't have gone on that killing rampage/what have I done?" "I wish I hadn't mauled those girl scouts/what have I done?" Then we got so bored waiting for Kevin's turn that we went over to Best Buy and looked around. Mouse totally said to some random Best Buy employee, "it's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth!" Then we went back to watch Kevin.

I suspect Mouse was also glad to have me along, as I jumped his car for him. We used my Dad's jumper cables and Mouse stood out in the subzero windchill while I tried to figure out where my hood release is. A cop came by to hassle me for parking illegally in order to be in jumping position, but we made it through unscathed. This incident, by the way, inspired my dad to buy me my own jumper cables. So now in addition to the 10,000 other roadside survival things I have in the trunk of my car thanks to him, I also have jumper cables. They were billed as "an early birthday gift," but I had to laugh at that. They are jumper cables, you just got the urge to buy them, they don't count.

Interesting things that happened today:

1) I badgered Optpri into performing the french version of Little Bunny Foo Foo for some customers that actually turned out to be related to Jaws. I also learned, and had performed for me, that she knows the spanish version of head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Sista joined in and performed some spanish song about beef steak. I felt left out so I started singing Aloutte and got it in Sista's head for the whole rest of the day.

2) TII had to look up when the Battle of Agincourt(sp?) happened for me, because yesterday someone's purchase rang up 1428 and I told them that's when it happened and I asked him when it really was just to see if he knew, and of course since he didn't know he had to look it up. I guess I'm lucky I didn't get a lecture on the significance of the battle. Especially since I already know! All my history facts are things I actually know about, just not the real date.

3) I made an ass out of myself to some customer. The guy was leaning over trying to look at some of the stuff we have behind reg (so I saw his back, mostly) and he was right in the way if anyone was trying to get behind reg. I thought it was Lister, since Lister was due to come in about then and what customer would be back there? So as a joke I said something about getting to the register quickly and then loudly, "IF THERE WEREN'T SOME RANDOM DUDE BLOCKING OUR PATH!" And then it turned out it WAS some random dude, so it sounded horribly mean. Fortuneately the customer was a good sport and thought it was pretty funny. When Lister ACTUALLY got there I told him about it and the customer was around and was like, "I WAS THE RANDOM DUDE!"

4) FIFTY DOLLA GIFT CARD! For January we beat our sales plan by however much, so I am rolling in the store credit. Things I already have on hold: (what this won't cover, I'm sure the gift card for the store I think my parents are going to get me for my birthday will) String Quartet tribute to Coheed & Cambria, earphones (I broke mine recently), and Grosse Pointe Blank. Things I am ordering or waiting to come in: Better Than Ezra's Friction, Baby, and Clue. Things I am considering getting: this boxed set thing with music videos from Spike Jonze, Chris Cunningham, and Michael Gondry I've been wavering back and forth on for several years now, and the original Star Wars boxed set.

Aww, fuck it! I'm gonna have a party!

FACT: Antz is the third best Woody Allen film of all time.

So:

1) Phoe from Elsewhere can read the blog again!

2) I have Carmax, Mouse, Jersey, Mulva, and Sista all confirmed for birthday dinner Monday night.

3) Mouse is coming to Kevin's concert with me tomorrow.

Isn't life grand when the sort of problems you have are this easily solved?

Also: I've decided that I love how my quote randomizer now looks like a caption for the Grosse Point Blank picture. I like to imagine Martin Blank frequently thinks, "the midget passed out from all the madness," "it hurts to be so good", or, perhaps most appropriately, given the gun and his occupation, "first person that comes out this fucking door gets a LEAD SALAD, you understand?"

1) I recognize the irony of this statement, but: if you still can't read this, please let me know. Since the template showed up properly for me anyway, I have no way of knowing if the changes I just made fixed it or not.

2) Film night: awesome. We watched The Purple Rose of Cairo. It actually kind of reminded me of Pleasantville, which is about the highest praise I can really offer, considering that's my all time favorite. Anyway, the ploot is kind of backwards from Pleasantville, a character coming out of a movie instead of going in. And not in a horrible Last Action Hero way. Also strangely enough: Jeff Daniels is in both movies (in Pleasantville and Purple Rose of Cairo, I mean. He might also be in Last Action Hero, though, I've never seen it. If he was, he totally must be the king of people getting sucked in and out of movies movies.)

3) Birthday dinner: getting more and more out of hand. The schedule was really late coming out and now I have to decide which day I want it, since certain people can't come to one day, and certain other people can't come to the other day, and then there's this unknown segment of people that I have no idea what their preference is.... ad nauseum. Right now it's Optpri can come Sunday but not Monday, and Mulva & Sista in the opposite camp. So I guess I'm waiting for Mouse, Hootie, and Jersey to weigh in. Not to mention Carmax who has not gotten back to me on it to begin with, not to mention something we may or may not be doing together Saturday!

Sista has been saying I should invite as many people as possible, but I think I have social anxiety or whatever it's called. I hate large groups. PLUS, a lot of the people in the group are people I'm always meaning to do things with but never get around to asking, so I kind of want this to be my, "Hey! Hanging out with you is awesome!" to them rather than, "Oh well, any old person at work is invited." But at the same time, I don't want other people to hear and feel left out or anything. Because I do like if not love 99% of my coworkers. I dunno. It's weird.

4) I dunno if I'm going to Kevin's show on Saturday or not, if I can't get Carmax to go with me. I don't know him that well, and I don't want to be like the only person from work to show up and have it look like I'm stalking him or something.

5) I LOVE NOODLES.

If you can read this, I am actually whining for nothing

NYC: what are you doing with yourself?
Phoemeister: I'm trying to mess with my blog some. I finally got a template I like + a picture people seem to like, but then it turns out the text isn't showing up for some people
NYC: odd
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I blame the world
NYC: the whole fuckin world is against you
Phoemeister: it IS
Phoemeister: blogger won't even let me in to fix it
Phoemeister: and I'm dying to
Phoemeister: so I keep trying over and over
Phoemeister: for naught
NYCs: the words on your blog mesh with the backround
Phoemeister: but they shouldn't
Phoemeister: if the damn template worked right
Phoemeister: there would be a background of kind of cream color
Phoemeister: on top of the back background
Phoemeister: so it'd be like cream box with brown stuff around
Phoemeister: instead of just the brown
Phoemeister: and I would fix it except blogger won't let me log in
NYC: why is that?
Phoemeister: because it's down
Phoemeister: blogger is down, i mean
Phoemeister: or else the whole fuckin world is just against me.
NYC: i would bet against that
Phoemeister: which? blogger being down or the whole fuckin world being against me?
Phoemeister: either way it won't let me edit my blog and I'm pissed
NYC: stupid blog
NYC: and world
Phoemeister: ah
Phoemeister: yesss
Phoemeister: I'm finally logged in
Phoemeister: let's see if it actually works
Phoemeister: apparently not
Phoemeister: unless you count moving as slowly as my dead grandma working
NYCl: haha
Phoemeister: I mean, I told you when I logged in like ten minutes ago
Phoemeister: and I still have not gotten to the point where I can enter anything
NYC: christ
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: it gave me hope only to dash it away
Phoemeister: now it's down totally again
Phoemeister: I hate it when blogger won't work
Phoemeister: I feel like I will have no recourse but to talk to actual people

So, changing the photos led to changing the colors. Changing the colors led to changing the entire color scheme. Changing the entire color scheme led to dealing with the layout issues that come with picking a premade template. Dealing with layout changes took hours.

I hope you people appreciate what I do for you! And all because you're scared of a little bunny rabbit. Harumph.

It has been brought to my attention that I should give Charango options as well as movie options for what picture I should have on the blog. Here they are:

it is now my life's ambition to see the film this picture is advertising

I feel nostalgic about this one as it is one of the photos I was showing people to prove that the instrument does indeed exist the other night.

I just like her hat

I love this one, and not in a "I'm making fun of it way," either. I truly sincerely love this woman and wish she were my real grandma.

claymation charango.

And... claymation charango close up

hahaha ha ha ah aha hahahahahhahahah ha ha ha hahahahahah

arty

a boy who is clearly resentful about having to play the charango

Today I bought candy for a diabetic. What've you done today to make the world a better place?

In other news, I had the best Valentine's Day conversation ever:

TII: I feel old.
Me: Do you know what would cheer you up?
TII: What?
Me: A good cry.
TII: Umm, no. Maybe a soak in the tub.
Jersey: a tub filled with your own tears?

So far Grosse Point Blank has taken a commanding 2-nil lead over the other pictures, including the Napoleon Dynamite one that no one will ever be able to see.

So... I've been told by no less than two people that the bunny freaks them out.

So I've went around looking for other pictures, and I want to know if anyone has any preference among these: (there will be resizing, of course)

About a Boy
Grosse Point Blank
Garden State
Napoleon Dynamite

Phoemeister: Man, I wish I could call myself a charango enthusiast
Mulva: actually, i think this is about as enthusiastic as anyone gets, charango-wise.

FACT: I just got a email from "The Oldest Ladies in Porn."

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I LOVE the interweb. Where else can I not only find the oldest ladies in porn, but they actively seek me out?

In other news, I'm in love with George from Grey's Anatomy. He is so dreamy!

I'm also in love with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I hear the new album will be out in not too long. Unfortunately, I hear they have a lot of extra material and instead of making it a double disc they're going to put a different bonus track on several different CD's. I HATE it when bands do that. Because then you either miss out on the other tracks, or are goaded into buying all of them. OR you buy the album, because you're really excited about it, and then a year later they reissue it with all the other tracks.

Okay, maybe I'm less in love with the Red Hot Chili Peppers than originally stated. I'm more in love when I'm actually listening to them, less in love when I hear of their nefarious plans to pump me for as much cash as they can get.

George: still dreamy.

So I keep thinking I should do something for my birthday this year. Usually I hang out with my parents (and I'm sure I'll get the parent part of the birthday at some point no matter what else I end up doing), but that gets less and less thrilling since I've gotten older. And it's not so much the "Oh, I'm lame I'm hanging out with my parents" thing, it's the fact that we spend it with my whole family (i.e. my sister and her family as well) and even on my birthday I get less attention than the 'phew, or even my sister's dog some years. And for some reason they always talk about the most boring possible things (gas prices, State Farm office politics, obscure relatives of my brother in law that none of us but him have even ever met) when they're all together.

I also think this is probably the first year since high school I've even had enough friends to do anything. But all my friends except for one are from work, and she'd probably feel left out in a party full of my coworkers, so she probably wouldn't come. Then, obviously, it's retail and except for in the dead of the night, there is no point when we are all not working. And also, it would be kind of weird to invite everyone as I'm closer to some people than others. But it would be kind of weird to be like, "I will invite you, I won't invite you other person." ALSO: we would have no place to go, as it is too weird to have them all come and my parents being around (no doubt watching Law & Order at top volume in the other room). And I hate bars. And where else is there, really?

So... yeah.

I need to hang out with more people anyway.

So that meme thing, I guess, will not pan out. Every time I try to visit it says the site is overloaded, which I don't doubt it also says to anyone visiting it to even do it for me. Irritating. I got all excited about it for whatever goofy reason.

Today went pretty well. I heart the early shift. I actually wish they gave it to me more. True story.

If anyone has any ideas on new quotes to put in my randomizer at the top, let me know! I am getting tired of some of the ones I have in there now.

Also: I LOVE the picture Tina commissioned for me, but after a year, I felt like a little change, so now I have Frank from Donnie Darko for the time being.

So.... I must scroll a lot.

The up key on my laptop broke off a long time ago, and now the down key as well. And no other keys are broken. What else could the cause be but excessive scrolling?

I am not looking forward to the time when all of the keys fall off. The laptop and I have a love-hate relationship. I love having a computer. I love that it's small. I do not love that it never works and now has bits breaking off of it. I might even say that that's the hate part of the relationship.

So first off: a meme. Click the link and pick a few of the words that you think describe me. It's sort of an excercise to see how one's own image of self compares and contrasts from what other people percieve. It takes little time, is really easy, and I'm really curious, so if you don't do it, I'll be irritated. So you better do it! (um, good thing "bossy" isn't on the list)

Secondly: I meant to mention it before, because this actually happened a couple days ago, but I was shelving some stuff, and out of nowhere, Lister was like, "Have you ever considered joining the Army?"

And the weird thing is: I have. I totally wanted to when I was a senior in high school. I did not have the slightest idea of what the hell I wanted to do with my life, and I figured I wouldn't have to think about this scary predicament if I was surrounded with people telling me what to do all the time and didn't have to think for myself.

Also: when I was a freshman in college (both of these times, by the way, are pre 9/11) I totally thought of becoming an army translator because this army recruiter dude came in to my French class and made it sound like the awesomest job ever.

Both times I decided not to, because I do not think I would get through Basic Training. I have bad asthma, am a sedentary person (though, I found out during my stint as a photographer, I actually do kind of like physical activity) poor coordination, and I hate running more than anything on this earth. Also, I am a picky eater and when my Dad mentions his Army days, it sounds as if you do not get much say as to what you eat.

I asked him why he said that, and he said I had the attitude for it. But the thing is: I actually think I would suck at being in the Army precisely because of my attitude. I hate taking orders from people. AND I always want a reason. When I was little and my parents told me to do something, I would not do it until I badgered them into telling me why. I don't know if it's because my mom's so autocratic or what, but I have a real problem with authority. My respect is earned, not automatically given, which probably would make me a trouble maker as far as the Army is concerned. Also: I love to talk whenever I want. I'm a slob. Et cetera.

I think why he said that (and I asked him if it was a compliment and he said yes, he apparently was in the army a long time) is because whenever they ask me to do anything, I'm like, "Okay." The whole difference though, is they ask, not tell. I mean, technically I couldn't say no, it's my job I'd get fired if I didn't do what they say, but that thin veneer of "well maybe its your choice" makes me swallow it a lot easier than just being ordered around. Especially without being told why.

Anyway, I got to thinking about that.

FACT: Whenever possible, I bring up buddy cops.

Sui: look.. my white trash dinner is getting cold
Phoemeister: what're you having?
Sui: guess!
Phoemeister: velveeta?
Phoemeister: and..... crackers?
Sui: haha velveeta is a good guess
Sui: but no
Phoemeister: well what is it?
Sui: hamburger helper of course
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I like to imagine the little anthromorphic hand walking around talking to you
Sui: haha
Sui: oh he is
Phoemeister: "Gee, hamburger helper sure is good, Ryan!"
Sui: I should try to make it sound high class
Sui: I Just made a delicious beef pasta with a three cheese sauce
Phoemeister: MMMMMN :P
Phoemeister: you should be in a buddy cop movie with the hamburger helper hand
Sui: haha
Sui: we would fight crime
Sui: and eat hamburger helper
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: he could be the sane Danny Glover one
Phoemeister: and you could be the crazy mel gibson one
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: He'd be all, "I'm too old for this shit"
Sui: I need to eat some hamburger helper and SAVE MY WIFE
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Sui: strange.. that his name is danny glover.. and that guy is kind of like a GLOVE
Phoemeister: it's a CONSPIRACY
Sui: I can totally picture the hamburger helper oven mitt guy smoking a crumpled up cigarette.. 5'clock shadow.. saying "i'm too old for this shit"
Phoemeister: me too
Phoemeister: and I can totally see you living in a trailer on the beach with a rottweiler
Sui: haha
Sui: it probably make me more white trash.. but I like louisana hot sauce on my hamburger helper
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: I read the first half of that sentence
Phoemeister: and I thought you were going to say "but I would totally live in a trailer with a rottweiler"
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: the louisiana hot sauce part was a let down after that

Me: Why is the dog coughing?
Mom: I dunno, he's been doing it ever since we had his teeth cleaned.
Me: I guess he must've inhaled all the loose teeth plaque into his lungs.
Dad: Maybe!

Today was pretty good, despite accidently waking up WAY too early.

I had lunch with Mulva at the Coffeehouse. I wonder if we'll ever be allowed back in, though, after the very, very, very loud fight we had about whether or not Harry Potter sucks. My position, "yes it does" vs Mulva's position, "no it doesn't," pretty much culminated in some screaming of "Harry Potter is horrible. It's horrible! You could drive a mack truck through the plot holes in Harry Potter! What is your problem" and "No it's not! No it's not! Can't you suspend your disbelief at all? What is your problem?"

I DO have a scientifically formulated anti-Harry Potter argument, by the way, but it pretty much went by the wayside when we started screaming and interupting each other. Then we laughed very hard when we realized how embarassing it is to be having a heated argument over Harry Potter at the top of your lungs in a public place.

We also discussed whether or not Mulva's first love, Gambit, could be beaten by a version of Gambit with a beard. Also: whether or not Ben Folds, my first love, could win in a fight with Gambit. My argument is that Gambit is really lame and sucks, but I still think he would win as a crappy superpower is probably tougher than knowing how to write really awesome songs and play a lot of instruments well.]

Work was... work. I had a delicious pretzel and Jersey "friended" me and came up with a film idea he wants to pitch to Mulva about "Bambo," a mix of Bambi and Rambo.

I finally remembered what I wanted to post about. But I ended up talking to Ryan about it, so I'm just going to go ahead and post the conver rather than going through it again:

Phoemeister: in other news we went over my finances and I think I'm going to be stuck living with them for another whole year ,which I had not anticipated :/
Phoemeister: yeah
Sui: blah that sucks
Sui: why?
Phoemeister: well I told you I make like 800 bucks a month, right?
Sui: yeah
Phoemeister: well we actually broke it down what it costs to live in this town
Phoemeister: and what I'd have to pay if I got health insurance (right now I only have vision and dental from work, because I'm still covered under my parents health insurance)
Phoemeister: and what stupid apartements and condos cost around here
Phoemeister: and what I'd probably want to pay into my 401K
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: and all that
Sui: I'm not sure what health insurance and 401k's have to do with moving into your own place
Phoemeister: and I could not afford it by a mile
Phoemeister: well it all boils down to the fact that I'd only have like $250 dollars to spend on rent in a month
Sui: you're not doing that now, why would you start doing it when you moved out?
Phoemeister: I'm not doing what now?
Sui: paying for health insurance and putting away money for a 401k
Sui: that's the kind of stuff you do when you have a better paying job
Sui: not something you do when you're barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck
Phoemeister: well the health insurance I'm not doing because I'm covered by my parents because I'm their dependant. If I moved out I would no longer be their dependant and not entitled to their insurance. Plus, once I turn 25 I'm not entitled to it even if I do live with them. Then, the 401K I would be doing now, except you have to be there 6 months before you can enroll.
Phoemeister: Yes. But if I think that way I'll be like, eating dogfood when I retire
Sui: I'm not sure that your physical location determines whether you are a dependent or not
Suibrom: and if you continue this way.. you'll still be living with your parents when you retire ; P
Phoemeister: :/
Phoemeister: I know
Phoemeister: I suck
Phoemeister: I just don't know what to do
Sui: did your parents even offer to help out?
Phoemeister: offer to help pay for a place?
Phoemeister: no
Sui: yeah
Sui: That sucks
Sui: they could have at least suggested helping a little with food each month or something
Sui: since they're doing that now
Phoemeister: *shrugs*
Phoemeister: I don't know what my dad's thoughts on the issue are, but you KNOW my mom is all controlly and smothery. The closer she can keep me the better, as far as she's concerned.
Phoemeister: so the benefit to her of paying for food and stuff for me now is that I'm right there to boss around :P
Sui: and honestly.. this is my opinion
Sui: your mom refuses to help because she doesnt' want you to go anywhere else
Sui: she wants to be able to just smother you
Sui: so they point out all the ways that it's impossible for you to do it on your own
Phoemeister: yeah
Sui: and refuse to offer ways that they could help
Sui: and that really sucks
Phoemeister: well I don't know what else to do, really. I mean, if I end up finding a way to move out this year, I'll do it, and fuck the insurance, we can still pretend like I live with them if we have to. But I don't know what to do. Even with a roommate, which I don't even know how to find, I can't really afford anything.
Sui: I hear the ghetto is nice this time of year ; )
Phoemeister: its worse than you realize
Phoemeister: there is no ghetto in bloomington normal
Sui: damn
Sui: where do you go for your crack?

I had some stuff I wanted to post last night, but Blogger was down. And apparently I have such a short attention span that I cannot remember what it was in the slightest.

In the mean time, I would like to record for posterity a hilarious joke Hootie made the other day. Warning: it has a somewhat long lead-up, and is only hilarious to me.

So, I've been carrying around an ad for this Gretchen Wilson DVD in my name tag. For those who don't know, she is a country singer, her big song was "Redneck Woman," and her new CD is called "All Jacked Up." Mouse calls her the Redneck Hooker, because she's kind of skanky.

This came about because Mouse was putting up posters on the info desk. We get some pretty random things. This time we got a whole lot of Il Divo, Elvis, Gretchen Wilson, and Bela Fleck. But the weird thing about a lot of these posters is they are divided into sections you can tear off. Which is annoying, because after a long time on the info desk they start to fall apart. Anyway, somone of the sections are really tiny, and Mouse was complaining about it and how useless the little parts are. He was like, "What are these bits even for? Are we supposed to put them in our nametag?" And I was like, "DUDE! Give me the one for Gretchen Wilson! I'll totally do it!" I thought I'd get in trouble, because the piece was big enough that it covered up my name and the store's name, the whole reason we even wear the nametags. But I eventually hit upon the technique of cutting it so that it fit in there without obscuring any of the important info. Then I bullied Mouse into being Il Divo. Then Optpri decided to be Elvis. I am a trendsetter, my friends.

Anyway, the other day I was being kind of hyper (I think I was telling them my cigar afficianado story, in the process saying cigar afficianado so many times that Optpri claimed the phrase no longer had meaning). And boss-boss was like, "Someone tell Phoemeister she can't have caffiene." And usually I'm not on caffiene, and I was about to tell her that, but then I had to admit that I did happen to be caffinated. And Hootie was like, "Of course she's all jacked up! She's Gretchen Wilson!"

We laughed. True story.

Also, I've been babbling more and more at Karaoke Supernova, I don't know if I've mentioned it.

I'm so, so tired. I got zero sleep the last few nights, and then last night I did get to sleep pretty well, but I had to get up at 5 a.m. and.... yeah, that makes me tired. I think I could sleep three days in a row and then if the last day I had to get up at 5 a.m. I would still be tired.

One thing I am tired of: bitchy customers who get mad at one aspect of our discounts or another.

And I'm sure I'm going to get a million stupid questions about the card we're going to start offering soon. What I especially love is customers who interupt you while you're explaining something to ask you a question that you're obviously about to answer anyway.

"Would you like our free coupons?"
"Are they free?"
"Yes. All you have to do is--"
"What do I have to do?"
"All you have to do is give us your email and we don't give--"
"Do you give out my e-mail?"
"No. We don't give it out to anyone else."

That was not an exaggeration! I have had that exact conversation before. Multiple times. And the card has so many damn ins and outs to explain that it'll be like that only annoyingness times ten.

On the other hand: employees can use the card too, and it's a pretty sweet deal for us.

I also had fun at our little meeting we had where we had to learn about it. Probably too much fun, I think a couple of the managers were annoyed. One joke I enjoyed that was probably annoying to them was we have to re-get these people's email, and explain to them that they're not going to get twice the e-mail. They were telling us the best way to go about that, but the way I wanted to use was, "A terrible fire burnt all our records."

Also, our test customer account is under the name Wellington, and so Hootie was like, "Known affectionately as "Beef" to his friends," and we started up all sorts of jokes about Beef. When I pretended to be a customer, I was claiming common-law marriage to Beef to use his account. And when we got into ways to prevent fraud using the account, I was like, "Beef! Do not SCREW WITH THE ____ CORPORATION. We KNOW what you're UP TO, Beef. We do NOT take kindly to this sort of thing, Beef." By the end, Hootie and I were in tears of laughter. But I didn't feel like I was being too bad of a slacker with my Beef jokes because we'd pretty much learned everything by then but were just practicing it.

A good thing about today is I actually made reccomendations I could be proud of. Usually when they make us reccomend things, I either don't bother or reccomend something that I don't personally know anything about, I just hear whatever it is is popular.

Anyway, this one guy got Coheed & Cambria's new album, and I totally went on and on about their other two albums for him, which is probably more than he wanted to know.

The other, this chick got Invader Zim on DVD. Which, I had forgotten, but I really love Invader Zim. It's this hilarious cartoon. I probably have seen 6 or so episodes, because I was at this person's house once who had a lot of them on DVD and we watched a ton of them all in a row, and I haven't seen it since then, but I remember it fondly. Anyway, I suggested Home Movies, which you all know I'm obsessed with. It was an AWESOME suggestion, because it's another cartoon series, and it's not so blindingly popular and obvious a suggestion as say, the Simpsons. Anyway, the chick said she did like Home Movies, and she didn't know we had it on DVD until I mentioned it, so maybe some day she will come back for it. And be like, "Yeah, this awesome employee of yours suggested it to me!" and I will look great.

I can dream.

Fact: Kiefer Sutherland is a cigar afficiando.

Today did not start well. In fact, the "fact" I envisioned starting this post with was going to be "all people suck and I hate them. Yes, I envision blog posts during the day.

One of the cranky people from yesterday actually called our corporate office to complain about me. Honestly. He like, had a ton of our punch cards, and I consolodated them onto one, and we're not supposed to give people the discount you get at the end until the next time they come in. And he got really pissed and called corporate and they called boss boss who yelled at me.

I hate this. We got really crappy training. They have never told us which discount rules we can bend or not, so EVERY time something like this comes up (which is ALL THE TIME with all our sales and coupons) I have to decide whether or not I want to piss off a customer, who might complain, and get my employers pissed off at me, or go for the direct route, which is giving them a discount I can't give, and getting my employers pissed off at me. Either way, I usually get someone mad at me.

But I had lunch with Optpri, which cheered me up. She is awesome. I don't know why we don't hang out together more. The one excuse I kind of had to hang out with her never panned out, and I couldn't think of anything else.

Then, I don't know if it was the caffiene or the sugar in the pop I had at lunch or what, but the rest of the day flew by, and I regained the energy that had been lacking. I had the most fun discussing the magazine cigar afficianado with a cigar afficiando customer. And I myself am not even a cigar afficianado, nor remotely interested in cigars noramly.

Customers were cranky today. I'm sorry, random homeless looking dude, it's not my fault they changed the computers and they're all slow now. And no, I have no say in changing it back. So when I told you that, and said sorry, you really shouldn't have said, "Don't be sorry, just fix it!" so imperiously.

Also: coupon related drama that is sadly a fact of life and nothing new for me.

In happier news: I made it my mission today to tell as many coworkers as possible that Mulva busted his DVD player watching R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet," and what he fears a repairman would think of him if said repairman fixed his DVD player and found out that the DVD stuck in his DVD player is R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet."

Also, I don't know if anyone will ever read this, because I've been trying to read my blog and I keep getting a 403: Forbidden error. Silly internet, didn't you know I will try doubly hard if you label it "forbidden?" It makes it feel much more like a game of cat and mouse where souls hang in the balance. I can't resist that shit.

So, I have noticed some annoying things I do that I have to stop.

1) Stop randomly mentioning people when I'm with other people. I think I used to do it because I had few to none friends, so if I was doing something with someone, I felt defensive about it and would mention people left and right to make them think I really do have friends. Now that I actually have friends: I think it gets old.

2) Stop randomly shouting things when I am not the center of attention in order to become the center of attention. It is O.K. to not be the center of attention.

In other news, I finalized my birthday list:

You and Me and Everyone We Know. Reason: It is just too awesome.

Home Movies Season 3. Reason: It is the most underrated show ever. AND too awesome.

Moonlight Mile & The Good Girl. Reason: I love Jake Gylenhaal so much. So, so, so much. Okay, not enough to buy The Day After Tomorrow, and not enough to ever, ever, watch Bubble Boy. But definately enough to get these two. Plus: they are pretty awesome.

Ben Folds & WASO Live at Perth. Reason: I love Ben Folds so much. More than Jake, actually. There is no CD of his I don't own, and I would so own his stuff from Itunes if I could get Itunes. And I hate live things, but Ben IS pretty good live. AND, there will be an orchestra. Because the O in WASO stands for orchestra. Who doesn't love them some Ben Folds + orchestra? Yes, I'm totally rationalizing.

Coheed & Cambria Live at The Starland Ballroom. Reason: I dunno. This one and the Ben Folds one, I'm kind of reaching, because I'm actually pretty content. I got everything I wanted at Christmas this year. I like music videos (which this includes) but I really don't like live CD's and DVD's, as I mentioned. BUT, it DOES come with the videos, which I've never seen, but have to be interesting, considering how weird Coheed & Cambria are, and how everything they do goes to be part of this crazy rock opera concept story thing. I keep wishing I could get my hands on one of the graphic novels that go along with their stuff, but I've heard they don't enlighten that much either.

Then, I asked for a couple CD's, again padding out the list a little. Franz Ferdinand's first album because I've been debating whether or not to get it forever and I figure what the hell. Fall Out Boy's CD because I can't resist them anymore, but at least I can make my parents pay for them instead of me.

Also, a quick summary of my evening:

Sui: what is up
Phoemeister: not much
Phoemeister: just came back from one of the film party things
Sui: cool what'd you watch?
Phoemeister: Being There
Phoemeister: it was a Peter Sellers thing
Phoemeister: I wasn't in love with it
Phoemeister: but it wasn't too horrible
Sui: hmm don't think I'ev seen it
Phoemeister: It's like Big but more subtle and Peter Sellers is more stupid
Sui: haha
Sui: it sounds.. okay
Phoemeister: we also watched part of R Kelly's In the Closet
Phoemeister: it was pretty funny
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: there's this midget with an inhaler
Phoemeister: he's her baby's daddy
Sui: haha brilliant

"It all comes back to a song with her."


So Brokeback Mountain was pretty good, except I had to pee really bad for a lot of it. I had went to my sister's for dinner right before that, and I had a ginormous glass of lemonade with it without really thinking about it until I was done and was like, "Yeah. That's a lot of lemonade. I'm gonna be peeing." I think I'm going to start calling this the Lord of the Rings Phenomenon, since that was probably the worst incidence of that I ever had, because I kept thinking it was about over.

Other than the peeing drama, like I said, it was very good.

In other news, Ryan and I talk about masturbation a hell of a lot.

Phoemeister: I slept like 10 hours last night
Phoemeister: so I feel awesome today
Sui: nice
Phoemeister: I think I like sleep more than anything I do while concious
Sui: masturbation included?
Phoemeister: yes
Phoemeister: sleep is awesome
Phoemeister: I can't wait till I die and that's all I do
Sui: haha
Sui: masturbate or sleep?
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: you know I meant sleep (initially)
Phoemeister: but now my goal IS to become the zombie masturbateur
Sui: hahah
Sui: brilliant
Sui: because I dunno anything scarier than a zombie..
Sui: except a zombie that masturbates
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I really want to post that on my blog
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: but then people will know all we do is talk about masturbation
Sui: well we do
Sui: it's about time the truth came out
Phoemeister: lol, true
Sui: you know I'm really dirty-minded
Sui: this teacher sent out an email that says
Sui: "My treasure box will be opened tomorrow from 2pm - 3 pm in room 13. Kinder and 1st can come"
Sui: and all I can think is how dirty that sounds
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: you are a freak
Phoemeister: IBPW

So, at one point Mulva and I were joking around about maybe dressing up as Jedi to go to Brokeback Mountain.

Phoemeister: part of me still wants to dress up as a jedi
Phoemeister: maybe smuggle out the display lightsaber replica from borders
Phoemeister: get arrested
Phoemeister: have "stole replica lightsaber for use at gay cowboy movie" on the police report
Mulva: hahaha
Mulva: I think that would be awesome so much