I've been dreaming a lot lately. Last night I had a dream where I tried to explain to Wanda why I have five cases (less now, I actually bought all of this some time ago) of Fanta but don't want to drink it. The reason is that I fell in love with Fanta when I was in England, so when there was this sale on it, where you had to buy five cases to get the discount, I authorized my mom to go and get it. Unfortunately, when I opened my first can, prepared to be taken into a fizzy orange paradise, I discovered American Fanta tastes like every other crappy orange soda I've ever tasted (day glo orange, too sugary) as opposed to British Fanta which is as removed from regular orange soda as grape soda is from sparkling grape juice. For some reason, Wanda couldn't understand this, and I kept having to explain. I have no idea why I dreamed about this, the whole Fanta-buying disappointment happened in August or September.

Anyway, the main reason I got on just now is to bitch about my mother, as usual. I mean, yesterday was great. My family always seems to pull it together for holidays. I just wonder why we can't always behave. Anyway, she's all upset today because she feels that my sister snubbed her by returning the calendar mom got her, and keeping the calendar her mother-in-law got her. Mom especially feels snubbed because it is a tradition that she gets us each a calendar every year. My sis's excuse for returning hers and not her mother-in-law's (which is probably true) is that she got that calendar a day earlier than Mom's, and started writing in it. Mom feels that this is a dumb excuse because my sister knows that Mom gets her a calendar every year. This situation is further inflamed by the fact that mom hates my sis's mother-in-law with the fire from a thousand suns. The hate is pretty much caused by jealousy ("she's trying to steal her from me!"), and a few other "snubs" that the mother-in-law supposedly gave Mom, that are pretty much dumb.

See, it all boils down to this: every time anyone does anything stupid, mom views it not as stupid, but as a malicious effort to make her feel bad. The mother-in-law didn't offer to send any cake home with us after some dumb party they both helped at, she must have done it on purpose. My sister returns her calendar, she must have done it on purpose because she likes her mother in law better than mom. etc. so on.

Anyway, mom's being unbearable about the whole thing. And I hate it when she does stuff like that to my sister, because I know how it feels to have her doing stuff like that to me. So I sort of took up my sister's side (which I shouldn't, because no one in the damn family ever takes my side, they're too concerned about mom getting mad at them), and now she's all guilting me out. Sometimes I just want to smack the woman.

Also: Note to self: If and when you ever find a boyfriend, never give the slightest indication of liking his mom around mom.

Second note to self: Hold off on boyfriend meeting mom until you have him firmly in the bag. If he meets mom too soon, he'll be likely to realize that 1) if he marries me, he'll automatically get the mother in law from hell 2) I might turn into her some day, and run.

Third note to self: get a boyfriend who faithfully promises to bitch-slap me every time I say something mom-esque, as a measure to prevent my turning into mom.