So the pancreas.... doin' alright. I've spent yesterday and the day before doped up on pain pills, which is always fun, and today I'm doing okay without them. I actually got Friday and today off from work at the station, which is kind of a plus. Honestly... I dread going there. And then once I'm there it's usually not that bad. But when I'm at home thinking about it, I'm just like, "dontwannagodontwannagodontwannago." I guess it's the unpredictablity of the job that worries me, which is stupid because that's why I wanted to go into this biz in the first place, I didn't want to get all bored doing the same thing every day. Anyway, due to my mom's overprotectfulness, I'm probably not going to work tomorrow, though I think I could if I wanted to.

Phoemeister: wouldn't it be ironic if green lantern really didn't like green
Phoemeister: but was..... you know, stuck with it because of that stupid ring?
Sui: haha
Sui: "god I hate this stupid color"
Phoemeister: he'd beg and beg for it to make something blue
Phoemeister: but all he could get was green
Sui: I long to be the fuschia lantern
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: you would be a KICK ASS fuschia lantern

Like the new template? Well... I admit the coding's kind of ghetto, I basically took the old one and JAMMED a picture into it. But I really wanted to show it off, it's actually a drawing of a character I used to RP called "Phoenix Trafalagar" (and Phoemeister itself is kind of a bastardization of that name). Anyway, my AWESOME friend Tina/Talia commissioned it from this guy who calls himself Youma. I actually think it captures the essence of Phoenix a little better than I could've described it. I liked it so much I decided to make it part of the blog.

The title "Welcome to the Monkey House" is actually kind of coincidental, I just got REALLY tired of "Angry White Girl," and changed it on a whim a few days ago. It's the name of a Kurt Vonnegut short story. The story itself, while not bad, is not one of my favorites by him, but I felt the title lent itself well to being the title of a blog as well.

You've had bad luck
you've had bad luck
you've had bad luck
and I know what it feels like
to have bad luck

--"Mistake Pageant," Idlewild

You know.... I hate having bad things wrong with me, but I am perversely happy when a doctor solidly backs me up on it. It makes me look less like the boy who cried wolf, in my opinion. So when they diagnosed the colitis, I was like, "ha! proof! there IS something wrong!" and I was much the same when they found I had gallstones.

So today I was vindicated in finding out some abdominal pain I've been having for awhile (and got a LOT worse this morning) was pancreatitis. No.... don't worry, gentle reader, it's something that is going to clear up a lot easier than either the colitis (which has never cleared up) and the gallstones (for which I had to have surgery). Basically what caused it was some medication I'd been taking for the colitis, and now that I'm off it it should get better as long as I don't eat any very fatty foods for a week or so. And they gave me some lovely, lovely painkillers in the mean time.

Anyway, I've hit the itis trifecta (I hope I don't hit a quadfecta or anything higher). Colitis, pancreatitis, and I know I had some crazy word with itis on it for my gallbladder (itis, if you didn't know, just means whatever the word is before the itis is swollen). Appendicitis, tendonitis, arthritis, hepatitis, other itises: stay away, I've had enough of your ilk.

I was a pilot for united airlines
then I got fired for reading high times
my license expired in almost no time
now I'm retired and I think that's fine

--"Mexican Wine," Fountains of Wayne

Today I left the house (and my crack books) long enough to see a movie and direct the show at TV-10.

The movie was Constantine. And I do have to say: I DID hear a Bush song on the radio on the way home, it made me laugh. Though it was neither of the ones my friend and I mentioned in the conver about it. The movie itself: okay. Not terribly bad or good, really.

The show was a lot more fun to work on tonight. I still have to watch the finished product sometime, I never have. But this time we had another fairly experienced production person for me to lean on. And also, I found her guest for tonight a lot more interesting than a lot of times. Though I may be biased. I think I have one of those mini-crushes where you meet someone once, and you're pretty sure you'll probably never see them again, but you're SO into them. Anyway, he was there to talk about his opinions on video games (which just goes to show how hot for nerds I am) and he was so dorkily cute and funny about it. I've been having a lot of crushing on people lately, actually, after having not had a lot of problems with it in a long time. But while it's nice to be reminded that I'm not entirely bloodless, it's still frustrating, and reminds me that I'm socially crippled and won't get a boyfriend until I'm 80 and then it'll be because I'm the only old lady with all my teeth, because of all the dental work my parents paid for. Except even that's wrong, because I think it was crappy dental work, my teeth are totally going back to the way they were and I'm getting a gap between the front too.

But really, I'm not bitter. It WAS a good time tonight. And my neck is getting slightly less sore, though from the absence from my books while I went to the movie and TV-10 or because I pulled something earlier and it's just gradually getting better on it's own, I couldn't say.

Gold teeth and a curse for this town
were all in my mouth
only I don't know how
they got out dear

--"New Slang," The Shins

I've not been on much because 1) I've been busy with the books I got for my birthday and 2) this weird intense neckache (which in turn is giving me headaches) I've had for a couple days. My mom has suggested maybe the two are related (because except for work I HAVE been reading nonstop), but I don't think so, because I've gone on "bookbinges" before and not had this problem. I blame Robin Hobb. Her books are like CRACK. Don't start reading any of her trilogies unless you know you're going to have plenty 'o time to finish it.

The only worthwhile story I missed recording is probably the fact that I got to come back up to Bloomington-Normal (the station's in Peoria) for work yesterday. (I'm thinking maybe all the driving helped with the headache...? Those vans have a lot of inertia and every time I brake it feels like whiplash). Anyway, I had a brief break where I actually got to come home and show the newsvan off to the 'rents, who were quite impressed. I even got a home cooked dinner.

But I was late to the thing I was supposed to do after that, which makes me feel bad. I thought I'd estimated the time better. Oh well.... live and learn, I guess. No one yelled at me (though it was a thing I was supposed to shoot for the mellow sports guy, not plastic hair or anyone else particularly scary), but I still felt bad for indulging 2 of the 7 deadly sins (gluttony, vanity) while I should've been doing my job. I mean... I had permission to go home and eat, the reporter I was previously with said so, but I guess I should've been at it faster.

I laugh at your conversational skills (or a lack of)

--"I See Shapes," Idlewild

So, I have a bright idea: leet and cockney. I think they should be combined.

"0w M3 N!46r45" means, "Ow, my balls!"

Think about it. You know the world would be better off with (0(k|\|3`/. It shall be my lasting contribution to the world.

In other news, though it's really tomorrow, we celebrated the 23rd anniversery of me coming into the world, since I work today and the day after. I got ice cream cake! Which touched me, as I've not had a proper birthday dessert in awhile. I also got steak. I've said it before: but somehow, having steak in me makes me feel as if everything's right in the world.

I got:

The Shins -- Oh Inverted World
Idlewild -- Hope is Important
Fountains of Wayne -- Welcome, Interstate Managers
No Doubt -- Greatest Hits
Gavin Degraw -- Chariot

Kurt Vonnegut -- Timequake
Robin Hobb -- the tawny man trilogy.

School of Rock (which I've had the song from in my head all day since watching it)

Bug out your eyes like there's something wrong!

--Dewey Finn, School of Rock

So, two days before my 23rd birthday, I find myself contemplating this:

nobody likes you when you're twenty three
and you still act like you're in freshman year
what the hell is wrong wiht me
my friends say I should act my age
what's my age again?
what's my age again?

--"What's My Age Again?" Blink 182

and

a decade ago
I never thought I would be
at twenty three
on the verge of spontaneous combustion
woe is me
but I guess that it comes with the territory
anonymous landscape of
never ending calamity
I need you to hear
and I need you to see
that I have had
all that I can take
and exploding seems like a definate possibility
to me

"Pardon Me," Incubus

And I wonder which one I'm more like. Though I probably have both going on. A couple years ago, when I was all bitter, I listened to that Incubus song constantly. A few years before that, when I thought most people were way more mature than me, I was all about the Blink 182 song. Now I hope I'm more balanced than I was at either time. Though I'm probably not. Nowadays, I spend all my time at work crying in the bathroom and avoiding eyecontact with other people. Which means there must be a third, angstier song about my situation out there that I just don't know about.

I was talking about birthdays with a freind, and ended up looking up blog entries I've made on birthdays, and I have to say this conversation I posted on my 21st birthday is the funniest EVER:

Phoemeister: He was about to draw a guy on the board, because it was illustrating something, and someone's like "give him muscles!" so I was like, "Give him a fedora!" and the prof made me draw him. So I gave him blue shorts and a red fedora and bowtie, and a slick pimp cane
Phoemeister: True story
Phoemeister: That was the best H&S class for some time :P
Phoemeister: Ever, even
Talia: because it involved pimps?
Phoemeister: Of course.

Phoemeister: dude
Phoemeister: Gavin Rossdale is totally in Constantine
Phoemeister: I think he's a demon
Sui: whoa
Sui: really?
Phoemeister: yeah
Sui: does he sing?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I don't think so
Phoemeister: which is a shame
Phoemeister: I'd love to see a demon singing Bush songs while beating up Keanu Reeves
Sui: haha
Sui: "I've got a machine head! raaaaar!"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: "It's better than the rest! *kung fu move*"
Phoemeister: "don't let the daaaays go by"
Phoemeister: *ass kicking*
Sui: haha
Sui: raar! *smash* *flame*

New comic: Adware

I think this is a very special valentine's comic that all of you should send to your significant others.

OR

not.

Phoemeister: I bet you've had a better day than I did
Phoemeister: I was totally mooned by teenage boys today.
Kin: Well, my day's really not been that bad.
Kin: And why is that?
Phoemeister: I guess newsvan just screams "moon me"
Phoemeister: eh, that wasn't really the worst part of my day
Phoemeister: but I thought it was funny
Phoemeister: the other stuff I won't really go into
Phoemeister: because it involves an intricate web of office politics
Phoemeister: whearas "naked teenage boy ass" sort of speaks for itself
Kin: Okay.


Yeah, these punk teenagers drove up alongside me, and mooned me while I was driving the newsvan. And I'm like, hey, wouldn't you want to avoid mooning a television van? Aren't you afraid I'd catch it on tape, and in flagrant violation of FCC regulations, broadcast your naked ass across the nation? Don't fuck with the media, my friend!

Except they probably would think it'd be cool to be on TV. And I was too busy driving to stop and get a good shot of the teenager mooning me. So.... yeah.

So, a TON of new comics in the "disturbing search request" section. And they're pretty damn good for being drawn with the nipple instead of a mouse, if I do say so myself.

So, I watched a couple of movies today, and that was about it. Really, I need to start doing stuff.

Anyway, I watched Anchorman & Cellular. I've wanted to see Anchorman forever, but then never seemed to get around to it until now. Given my profession (or hoped-for profession) the reason I wanted to see it is kind of obvious. Anyway, I have to say, not the hilarity I was hoping for. There were a few good lines now and again, and I enjoyed Steve Carrell's character, but it wasn't a constant laughfest or anything. The only scene I REALLY loved that hadn't already been in the trailers was where the rival news teams come to violence. To amuse myself, I sometimes tried to imagine anchors I actually know doing some of the weirder stuff, but it didn't really take.

Cellular was about as good as I expected, which was that it would be okay, but not hugely inventive or anything. My dad's all "I can't suspend my disbelief on that premise" but it irritates me (his reluctance to watch it in the first place is the whole reason we hadn't seen this movie yet though we've seen about every B-level action movie made in the last few years because of him) because he enjoys a lot of movies that depend on far more ludicrous concepts. I also like the fact that Kim Basinger (the woman being rescued) got to kick some major ass at times, so it wasn't straight up "oh, the guy rescues the helpless woman."

So that's what I did today, for the most part.

So I shot hockey today.

Yes, HOCKEY. And if you don't know why I'm putting this in caps, it's because if you think about it, hockey is about the hardest thing ever to follow through a viewfinder. So it's the hardest sport. When I'm not even very good at the easy sports.

This is because there's another hockey game on Sunday and I'll be the only one available for it, apparently. So they had me shoot this one, while someone else came along to get some stuff, so they didn't have to depend soley on my skillz. (which is good.... I gots poor hockey shooting skillz)

Pros and Cons of the experience:

Cons:
1) The guy who took like, 45 minutes this afternoon to skool me on hockey is TOTALLY the guy who's hair I modeled my anchorman comics on. Seriously... I think it's made of plastic or something. You could pop it off his head like a Mr. Potato Head attachement. So anyway, I kept staring at his hair and cracking up and trying not to show it, because bits from my comics like, "scientists have found that the area beneath the anchor desk is a pants-free zone!" kept running through my head.
2) plastic hair is MEAN. After I came back, as well as constructive criticism (which I didn't mind), he also had this to offer, "it's like you're deliberately trying to make it bad!" (which I did mind)
3) if that wasn't enough proof of plastic hair's meanness, maybe this little narrative will sway you to my side: I needed a cutaway, which is basically shooting something happening at the game other than the game, like rowdy fans or some display they have in between periods. So I got these couples who actually got married on the ice in between periods. And one of the women was fat. Oh.... I can't even tell you how many fat jokes plastic hair and other guy made about that poor woman. And they seemed to think all of them were fucking hilarious, though they were pretty standard unimaginative fat jokes. And the other guy is pretty fat himself! Where does he get off?
4) You know how I whine about how I'm sore after basketball? That's like half an hour (if that) of having the camera on my shoulder. Having the camera on my shoulder for a whole hockey game.....? Yeah.

Pros:
1) Media get like 8 bucks worth of free food at the concession stands!
2) I did get a highlight on tv tonight. Other guy says that's phenominal for my first time shooting hockey. Which.... I admit, it was kind of luck. But I'm still proud.
3) Other guy also said that my basketball is WAY better than it used to be, and if I improve on my hockey by that much, I'll be sensational!
4) I want to start calling Hockey "Honkey" and then tell people I'm going out to shoot some Honkey.

Vincent: and it was Phoe she ate the glue.. after I dared her.. she's a bad girl.. and she forced me to eat the crayons!!
Vincent: *sniffles and blubbers*
Phoemeister: Everyone at my gradeschool ate glue. And I mean, I'm serious about this. It was like, the "cool" thing. So I did try it from peer pressure. But I totally knew this girl who was still eating glue by the 6th grade when all of the rest of us had grown out of thinking it was cool.
Phoemeister: but, if I had known you in gradeschool, I SO would've made you eat crayons. Because that strikes me as the type of relationship we have
Vincent: Oh really?
Vincent: I wouldnt have taken your crap woman.. I would looked at you looked at the crayon and been like...
Vincent: "sure!"
Vincent: no no wait!
Vincent: Hell no!
Vincent: thats better
Phoemeister: ha
Phoemeister: I bet you love eating crayons
Phoemeister: I bet you're like, "mmm, burnt sienna!"
Vincent: Hahaha
Vincent: glue eater!
Vincent: I bet you woulda eaten the crayons but you were to busy with you mouth glued shut
Phoemeister: psh
Phoemeister: if you knew anything about eating glue, you would know it doesn't start gluing until it hits your intestine, and they get glued together
Phoemeister: not your mouth
Vincent: LOL
Vincent: like that is any better babe
Phoemeister: hey
Phoemeister: I would still be able to eat crayons if I chose
Phoemeister: I just wouldn't be able to poop them out
Vincent: *hands you a crayon from hsi half eaten box of crayons* prove it glue eater!!
Phoemeister: which is a shame, because I bet crayon poo is very colorful and pretty
Phoemeister: dude
Phoemeister: I don't want to eat crayons right now
Phoemeister: I'm full
Phoemeister: I just had like, a whole bottle of elmer's school glue

Run quick, they're behind us
Didn't think we'd ever make it
This close to safety in one piece
Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe
Save us from sleep and what we are

--"A Favor House Atlantic," Coheed & Cambria

Phoemeister: You never told me you thought of me as a younger you
Phoemeister: I feel honored
Talia: :: laughs:: well it's not something you can just stick in a convo
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: "you are coming along well, young apprentice"
Talia: ok, scary quote to use :-P I don't want to be Palpatine
Phoemeister: LOL

Well, I forgot to mention it on the blog, but I'm directing at TV-10 again. Somewhat. Not the actual news, but a friend of mine put together a show called "After the News" and needed someone to direct, and apparently no one was available. So she called me up and bam!

I jumped at the chance because I've sort of been depressed lately. The station I work at is not very warm and fuzzy. I mean, no one's been mean to me, but they all talk shit about each other behind everyone's back, and there are certain people who hate certain other people, and you can't be friends with certain people unless you want to risk other people being pissed off.... I constantly feel incompetant like I don't know what I'm doing, because, in my opinion, I wasn't as well prepared as I should've been in some areas. I'm just waiting to REALLY screw up on something and all hell to break loose. And I'm nervous around most of the people anyway, because I am like that around new people. The only person there that doesn't freak me out is this guy who used to work at TV-10 back in the day, so we were already aquaintances.

So anyway, I came in to do it. It was a little disappointing in that most of the show was going to be put together in post production, so there was not a lot of work for me as the "director." But it was still something. And I got to see some of my old friends. It's always a little sad to go back to places where half of the people have moved on, but it was still nice to see the people who hadn't.

The show itself should be pretty good. The part of it I helped with, the interview, was with someone whose family was in the area affected by the Tsunami. There was also supposed to be a fashion segment, which didn't really happen because the one chick who was supposed to do it pretty much bailed, which I suspected she would because I knew her last semester and she always seems to be bailing on things. Another bit is going to be a conglomeration of some of the better material from TV-10 News over the week. The best bit (I am surmizing, it wasn't finished when I was over there yet, so I haven't seen the first installment), though, I think is going to be the food segment. This guy (and I know him too, and it especially makes me laugh because this is exactly the type of thing he would do) is going to go to someone random woman's house every week, with a photographer, and ask her out to dinner then critique the food.

So that's what I did tonight. I'll probably visit again sometime during the day, when more people around. I need to anyway, there's some stuff I shot back in the day that I never put on my VHS resume tape that I'd like to.

Okay, for my Veggie Tales/Bohemian Rhapsody comic (see previous post), I was looking up Veggie Tales on the net so I would have a good picture to draw off of, and I found this article that is all like, "Larry the Cucumber is a dancing penis!" and it's so funny that at first I thought it was a parody of angry baptists or something, but I kind of think it's real. Anyway, despite the scaryness, it's really hilarious what these people came up with. You should read it if you want a good laugh about how dirty their minds are to come up with this stuff just to claim a line of Christian children's videos is not really Christian, but really "yet another attempt by liberals to force their evil "tolerance" into True Christian homes."

Addendum: Okay. It WAS a parody. I found this when I went to their bumper stickers for sale page that has such gems as: "my catholic priest molested your honor student," "I heart Satan," and "sodomite."

Now that I know it's a parody, I'm less scared. Though it is still kind of mean-spirited, just from the other side.

So, more comics

Under the "comics where I illustrate a search request" category, I have one new one called Veggie Tales and Bohemian Rhapsody. I don't know if it's particularly funny, but it cracks me up, which is the important thing, right?

Under the regular category, I have a whopping 4 new ones that basically I'd done but hadn't uploaded yet:

Anchorman Note the lifelike anchorman hair.
Anchorman part Deux
Anchorman III
Feminine Hygiene (which, I warn you is kind of disgusting, but again, it made ME laugh, so I put it up anyway)

So a guy at work and I were discussing the Jimmy Eat World song, "Work." It kind of seems like it's about the prom to me, (and he agrees) but he told me that in the video, they kind of go with the title, "work," with all these high school kids saying what they want to be when they grow up. Anyway, he told me he thinks it might end up being the "high school graduation song" this year.

I was like, "Wha?" and he's like, "Well, you know how every year there's this sentimental song that's about leaving, or good advice for the future or something?" And it clicked: there WAS a graduation song the year I graduated. The cleverly titled, "Graduation Song," by Vitamin C. I'd never really thought of it as being a multiple year trend, because most graduation songs don't come right out and call themselves "Graduation Song." But he's like, "No, the year I graduated, it was totally "Everyone's Free To Wear Sunscreen. And the year before that, it was "Good Riddance" by Greenday, and I was totally disappointed to get stupid lame Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen, when the year previous got the cool Greenday song." And I totally agreed. Hell, I think Graduation Song's worse than Sunscreen, because you can just TELL whoever wrote Graduation Song made it SOLEY to cash in on this trend and people's feelings of sentimentality. Whereas Baz Luhrman (the person who put Sunscreen, originally a commencement speech by some lady, to music), obviously does fine without releasing music, and made it sheerly because he wanted to, as far as I can tell. But yeah, I admit I get a little misty whenever anyone resurrects Graduation Song, despite myself.

So apparently he does a lot of thinking about this, because he told me that the year preceeding the Greenday song was Bittersweet Symphony, by the Verve. Which we both agreed is an awesome song, that we also wished we'd had instead of Graduation Song/Sunscreen. And he said he thought the one after Graduation Song was "Heres to the Night" by Eve 6. Which, honestly, I love Eve 6 in general, but despise the song. I don't know his thoughts on it, as our conversation was disrupted just then. But anyway, now I'm really curious about this trend. How long has it been happening? Does it still happen? What've the other songs been? So I'm asking for people to comment, or correct, the timeline I've made just now in my spare dorky time:

1997 -- Bittersweet Symphony -- The Verve
1998 -- Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) -- Greenday
1999 -- Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen -- Baz Luhrman
2000 -- Graduation Song -- Vitamin C
2001 -- Here's To the Night -- Eve 6

As we go on
we remember
all the times we
shared together *sniff* *sniff*

--"Graduation Song," Vitamin C

Sui: boop beep is way more beep boop than beep boop ever was
Phoemeister: No, really boop beep is more boop beep than beep boop, but never more beep boop than beep boop.
Sui: that sentence was a total onomatopoeia orgy
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I want a band called Onomatopoeia Orgy

It's the moment of truth
you're giving it all
standing alone
willing to fall

--"The Moment of Truth," Survivor

I had a dream last night where I was in Star Trek. And I had a fake eyeball. And Data sprayed Lilac perfume in my face, and it busted the fake eyeball. Then, the rest of the dream was pretty much concerned with Data and I trying to find scientific ways to fix my ruined fake eyeball.

Good times.

So.... this was two different conversations with two different people where I started pasting what they said to each other: (I can't help posting so many convers! It's a disease!)

Talia: that Sui you talk to all the time is a guy?
Phoemeister: yeah
Talia: I totally thought that person was a girl... from the way they talked
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: I'm going to have to tell him that
Talia: go right ahead
Phoemeister: he actually has about as dirty a mind as you
Talia: believeable... even males preists have dirty mines
Phoemeister: .....he's not a priest
Phoemeister: where did you get that??
Talia: I meant that all men, even priests, have dirty mind

So I told him, adding:

Phoemeister: That's probably a compliment, though, considering for the last ten minutes we were discussing several really losery guys :P
Sui: hahah
Suibrom: I'm not really sure what to say to that :-)

Sui: hahah
Sui: Father Si
Sui: I like the sound of that
Phoemeister: ha, loser! You can't spell your own name
Sui: yeah I'm so drunk
Sui: off that communion wine

Phoemeister: I dunno. I just thought it was funny as hell.
Phoemeister: Considering 90% of our convers are sexual innuendo.
Phoemeister: You secret girl, you
Sui: haha
Sui: maybe your friend is trying to insinuate she thinks you're a lesbian

Talia: no, I just thought HE was [a lesbian]

Phoemeister: You're a lesbian priest!
Sui: hahah
Sui: nice
Sui: my dream come true!
Sui: you never see lesbians being accused of child molestation

Talia: he's never been to Florida then
Sui: haha
Sui: that's right.. I was never there
Sui: and if anyone asks.. you tell them the same

How do I get into these sorts of convers? Though I admit contributing a certain amount to the creepiness in the second one :P

Dragon: what're you doing, then
Phoemeister: eating nachos!
Dragon: awesome!
Dragon: nachos goooood
Phoemeister: you're tellin' me!
Dragon: *nestles to your side and lays my head on your shoulder*
Phoemeister: wow, nachos must really turn you on, eh?


Phoemeister: the old people are supposed to be who the young people were or something

*long lag, at least half an hour*

Phoemeister: She said to the ignorrer, who then ignored her :P
Sui: baaah
Sui: i'm gonna go take a bath
Phoemeister: Who then growled at her and went back to ignoring :P
Sui: i'm not growling or ignoring
Phoemeister: Except he was growling and ignoring, no matter how much he tried to deny it.
Sui: :P
Phoemeister: Then he used the tongue smiley, because he knew in his heart he had no good argument because he really had been ignoring her.
Sui: nooo.. the tongue is because my head hurts and I think I'm gonna go take a bath
Sui: and Phoe is speaking in a 3rd person point of view that is scary
Phoemeister: She cried herself to sleep, that night, and resolved not to tell him the baby was his.

*another pause*

Phoemeister: Then..... he ignored her :P
Sui: my head hurts something fierce
Sui: and the crazy talk doesn't help
Phoemeister: LOL, sorry, I thought it was funny
Sui: hehe normally yes : )
Phoemeister: I thought the baby bit would at least crack you up
Sui: but my brain is having difficulty parsing normal talk.. let alone that
Phoemeister: my bad
Sui: haha
Sui: yeah it did
Phoemeister: lol
Sui: i was gonna say something about "my baby mommy"
Phoemeister: why didn't you? :P
Sui: you ain't my baby mommy!
Sui: oh no you di'int!
Phoemeister: Psh
Phoemeister: you WISH you were my baby daddy
Sui: It can't be mine! we only did anal
Phoemeister: my baby daddy is Coolio
Phoemeister: remember gangsta's paradise? ooooh. Yeah, it was hot.

I'm on the run
I'm chasin' guys for fun
her baby daddy, it's not his only one
I know you wanna hit that, I know you wanna hit that hit that!

--"Hit That," Offspring

Phoemeister: OH, this is awesome. I was at a high school basketball game tonight, and guess what the band was playing! Smells like teen spirit! I'm not even kidding! And they rocked it! It was awesome! But I mean..... Kurt Cobain must be spinning in his grave. The cheerleaders weren't even tipsy.
Sui: haah nice that's smooth
Phoemeister: it did rock, though. I loved it.
Phoemeister: but in the back of my head, I was hoping the cheerleaders would get all high and the smiling, middle aged white people, would also turn stoned. And they'd all try and reenact the video.
Sui: hahah
Sui: did the janitor dance too?
Phoemeister: no janitor!
Sui: laaaame
Sui: that would have made the show
Phoemeister: I know. I have to say, though, I have a rather hazy recollection of that video, I didn't even remember there was a janitor. All I know was everyone was high, and there were cheerleaders!
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: I am right, right? There were cheerleaders and high people, right?
Sui: haha yup
Phoemeister: and they're all dark and depressed with their meaningless lives
Sui: the darkness!
Sui: the blackness!
Phoemeister: just like these loser middle aged people who try to relive their glory days by going to frickkin' high school baskeball games
Sui: haha exactly
Sui: freaking old people
Phoemeister: so I think it was bubbling under the surface. If there WAS a janitor, I'm sure it'd all fall into place.
Phoemeister: I mean seriously: who gives a crap about high school basketball? I mean... I'm glad people are losers and care, because half of my job is covering those games so people exactly like that only too lazy to get up off their ass and go there can watch on their TV.
Sui: haha

Okay, this e-mail seriously illustrates why this guy is the only Prof I keep in touch with: (yes, I do call him Scurvy. yes, he does call me Monkeypox. The dog reference stems from a mutal friend naming her dog after him, his real name, and in reaction I said I'd get a dog and name him Scurvey and give him an eypatch and pegleg and he'd be a badass pirate dog. The Belize bit is he's always traveling, and I asked him how he affords it.)

MP,

I would never insult you by spelling your name, "Monkeypox," wrong -- so you'd better get it right on "Scurvy" (no "e" in it), especially if you are going to append it to an innocent canine. That's "SCURVY." Got it? Didn't they ever teach you the ditty in grade school: "E" before "Y" except after "V," as in "SCURVY"? I'd hate to see it in the newspaper spelled wrong. About being able to afford trips like Belize . . . there's not much dough in professoring but lots in drug pushing and arms smuggling. Why do you suppose I retired early?

SCURVY

My reply:

The E is so I can tell you and the dog apart! Oh snap! I got you good with that one! Seriously, though, you've got to get me in on the drug dealing and arms smuggling. I think I would be awesome at that. I'd be all, "Give me the money!" and they'd give me the money, because they'd see in my eyes that I mean business. Also, I invented a gun that shoots crack, which I think would revolutionize both businesses. Let me know.

--Monkeypox

Wow. Today. Where do I begin?

So today I got paired off with a crew consisting of the reporter I shadowed the day I "visited," and this photog everyone has kept telling me was awesome, and great to learn from, only totally mean.

He didn't seem all that mean, though. Other than making me sing along with him and the reporter in the car. Yeah. I was forced to sing today. But it wasn't too horrible. And I did learn some stuff.

The worst part: when there was a riot we had to go and cover. I actually wasn't that worried, going into it, because I figured the cops were there and had probably calmed things down by then. Only, there were scary people lurking around everywhere, and the photographer told me he could tell as soon as the cops left, someone was probably going to get shot. So when the cops started leaving.... we left too.

Also, I didn't get to eat, and I felt sick and headachey after about 8 hours in the car.

So not the best day. But I did learn some stuff. Which is what I'm there for.

Quotes from the Desk of Ryan:

"I'm all about the obscure ass"

"my love is like a fine wine, it goes with anything. Like a delicious tube-steak."

Here's a music meme:

This is a list of the 50 Worst Songs of All Time, as put together by the hip magazine Blender. Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to bold the items that you actually like. This might be more embarrassing than you think.

Let me preface this, though, with the fact that I think this list is BULL. Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sounds Of Silence" is one of the best songs EVER. And it's not like, it's just me that thinks it, Simon & Garfunkel are beloved by everyone! That song was on Rolling Stone's geatest 500 songs list! Who are these people? If they HAD to put on a S & G song, why on earth why wouldn't they put on Feeling Groovy? Everyone knows that song is lame. But The Sound of Silence? That song's awesome, man.

And the rest of the list..... I dunno. I admit some of the songs, like Two Princes or Breakfast at Tiffany's are kinda mediocre, but do they deserve to be one of the 50 worst of all time? Over Mambo #5 and Who Let the Dogs Out? No way.

So anyway, here goes:

1. We Built This City ... Starship
2. Achy Breaky Heart ... Billy Ray Cyrus
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight ... Wang Chung
4. Rollin' ... Limp Bizkit
5. Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll ... Huey Lewis and the News
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy ... Bobby McFerrins
8. Party All the Time ... Eddie Murphy
9. American Life ... Madonna
10. Ebony and Ivory ... Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
11. Invisible ... Clay Aiken
12. Kokomo ... The Beach Boys
13. Illegal Alien ... Genesis
14. From a Distance ... Bette Midler
15. I'll Be There for You ... The Rembrandts
16. What's Up? ... 4 Non Blondes
17. Pumps and a Bump ... Hammer
18. You're the Inspiration ... Chicago
19. Broken Wings ... Mr. Mister
20. Dancing on the Ceiling ... Lionel Richie
21. Two Princes ... Spin Doctors
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) ... Toby Keith
23. Sunglasses at Night ... Corey Hart
24. Superman ... Five for Fighting
25. I'll Be Missing You ... Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112
26. The End ... The Doors
27. The Final Countdown ... Europe (This one was voted the worst metal song of all time on VH1)
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland ... John Mayer
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's ... Deep Blue Something
30. Greatest Love of All ... Whitney Houston
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm ... Crash Test Dummies
32. Will 2K ... Will Smith
33. Barbie Girl ... Aqua
34. Longer ... Dan Fogelberg
35. Shiny Happy People ... R.E.M.
36. Make Em Say Uhh! ... Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal
37. Rico Suave ... Gerardo
38. Cotton Eyed Joe ... Rednex
39. She Bangs ... Ricky Martin
40. I Wanna Sex You Up ... Color Me Badd
41. We Didn't Start the Fire ... Billy Joel
42. The Sound of Silence ... Simon & Garfunkel
43. Follow Me ... Uncle Kracker
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) ... Meat Loaf
45. Mesmerize ... Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
46. Hangin' Tough ... New Kids on the Block
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You ... Bryan Adams
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da ... The Beatles
49. I'm Too Sexy ... Right Said Fred
50. My Heart Will Go On ... Celine Dion


Oh, also: we all know Limp Bizkit is incredibly annoying. But Rollin'? Those bastards should put Nookie on there. That's a thousand times more annoying than Rollin'.

So this is another link, a spoof on Ep III called "Episode III: The Lost Hope." Let me tell you, it takes for-friggin-ever to load, but is worth it.

Data Angel linked to this really cute site where this guy puts up pictures of dogs he sees around and then puts silly captions underneath. Anyway: it was, as she reccomended, quite amusing.

Now I want to segue into the fact that the guy who makes it also has a page of homemade postcards he's scanned in before sending to people, though, and I have to label it the most hilarious thing I've seen in a long time. It makes me want to totally rip off his idea and make my own and send them to someone. Only all my irl friends are all proper and stuff and would be frightened, and I don't want the hassle that comes with sending any to my internet friends and trying to keep it secret from the parents at the same time. But dammit, I really WANT to.

Anyway, my personal favorites are these three:

Ants!

The Fight of the Century

and last, but not least, Iggy

So, our house is about 30 years old, and so is most of the plumbing in it. And apparently that's about when metal pipes get corroded and start doing unpleasant things like leaking on everything in sight. A few months ago, the pipes under our kitchen sink started doing that, and now the pipes under one of our bathroom sinks started. And we looked at the pipes under the other bathroom sink, and it looks like it was going to start leaking soon too.

So, we got a plumber to fix it, and as you probably realize, he turned off the water so that he could get his plumb on. So of course, after about four hours of no water, my colitis decides it's a really good idea to flare up. And I tell my mom about it, and she's like, "No, you can't do it!"

And I'm thinking, "Come on! What did you think was going to happen? Is there ever a day I DON'T have the runs? And I'm not like a regular person that can just keep it in, this is torture, and you know it!" And I say, "Mom, it's not like I just want to go for the hell of it. You know it's the colitis!"

And she's like, "I'd really prefer it if you didn't. We can't flush after!"

And in my head, I'm like, "Well I'd really prefer not to crap my pants!" But getting mom angry is, of course, the surest way to make her not let me use the toilet. Anyway, she asked dad and they let me go in the one downstairs. But I can't believe she was such a jerk about it! She knows how I'm like. Telling someone with my problems to hold it is like making someone with a bullet wound stand in line after someone with a sprained elbow at the Emergency Room.

"We stopped in every passing place
to watch the world move faster than we do
watch it pass with our eyes closed
the way we usually choose to

--"Remote Part," Idlewild

Sui: You need to rebel against the oppresive regime that holds you down!
Sui: you'll never blossom into to wonder flower of true independent woman hood until you do!
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: OR
Phoemeister: I could just do what they say
Phoemeister: until eventually they do ALL my thinking for me
Phoemeister: and I never have to use my pesky independent will ever again.
Sui: haha
Suibrom: okay okay.. if you want to be a robot
Phoemeister: robots are cool
Phoemeister: OH!
Phoemeister: wait
Phoemeister: can I be a cyborg? they're even awesomer.
Suibrom: haha
Sui: no sorry
Sui: no cyborgs
Phoemeister: aw
Sui: you have to just be a robot
Phoemeister: robots are still cool
Phoemeister: plus, I would do THE robot all the time
Sui: no claws or laser beams though
Phoemeister: and people'd be like, "how awesome, it's a robot that does THE robot."
Phoemeister: I get a circular saw though, right?
Sui: haha well yeah but you could only do that when your parents let you
Phoemeister: my parents love the robot
Sui: no saws!
Phoemeister: yes saws
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: what if my parents need me to saw things?
Sui: hmm.. nope, too many chances for you to abuse your sawing abilities
Sui: rise up against your creators and all that
Sui: and then we'll have the matrix all over again
Sui: and damnit, neo just got that shit sorted out


Phoemeister: DAMMIT. I wrote out this whole huge witty e-mail on what I've been doing lately to one of my high school friends, and I thought it sent, but it didn't
Phoemeister: and now I have to type it out all over again
Suib: laaaame
Phoemeister: it sucks
Phoemeister: I swear
Phoemeister: it was the perfect, "ha ha I rock now" e-mail
Phoemeister: with the right amount of wittiness to cover the fact that it was a ha ha I rock now e-mail
Phoemeister: I was all playing up the fact that I've gotten stuff aired on network TV
Sui: haha well that is kind of cool
Sui: so you're allowed to brag
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: plus, I mean she all lives in morocco and teaches people there and makes me feel all lame because she's been to like 80 foriegn countries, so I feel like it's only payback
Phoemeister: and it was witty, too
Sui: hehe I'd say that' sfair enough
Phoemeister: me too
Phoemeister: only I don't feel like rewriting it at this juncture
Phoemeister: it really was a masterpiece
Sui: aww well you'll just have to come back to it
Phoemeister: because it was an I rock email but without seeming like it, plus I do feel bad that I haven't e-mailed her in awhile because she's emailed me a couple times and it's all, "Its so rewarding teaching foreign people" and I have had really nothing to compete with that until now
Phoemeister: not that I'm trying to compete per se.... but you know, it feels bad to answer an e-mail like that with, "Yeah, that sounds awesome. Guess what I found in my belly button today? Yeah.... I've really done nothing all day. Or all week. Or really all month. Cheers."
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: So I was totally all happy to be able to be like, "Yeah, I'm on TV. Yep, covered the Gone Fishin' Gun And Knife Show. *various witty comments about gun nuts* Yeah, I've covered a lot of other stuff too. They let me go out by myself now, it rocks. I'm like a real artist. Suck on that!"
Sui: hahah
Sui: and so modest too!