Lame meme that I expect you all to participate in or else!

Casting Call

I think it's inevitable that as we read each other's journals we create mental pictures of each other. Post this on your own journal
to find out who your friends see when they read about your life.

Two Rules:
1. The person must be in the movies or on TV (but doesn't have to be an actor/actress). The person can be specific to a role (e.g. Jennifer Elhe's Elizabeth Bennent) or just the person themself.
2. You have to post a link to a picture of said person.

These castings can be based on things in the person's personality or on physical traits you know they have.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, I Hearth Darth is a very amusing sw-themed comic.

My dad seemed to like the presents we got him, so whoo hoo. We watched both movies, but he didn't eat much of the candy yet because we were going out for a steak dinner afterwards. Steak, as anyone who knows me even slightly will tell you: makes me happy. And the whole fam had a fairly good time. And we found out the 'phew REALLY loves peas.

Sui: I just want to say for the record.. "Sound of Silence" is a great song
Phoemeister: DUDE
Phoemeister: I agree
Phoemeister: I think I'm in love with you now
Sui: hahah
Sui: Wow, those are some pretty lax standards
Phoemeister: um... yeah
Phoemeister: I should probably work on that
Sui: "Penis... Check. Likes simon & garfunkel... check. Let's make babies"
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: pretty much, man
Phoemeister: pretty much
Phoemeister: I'm glad that you at least gave me that I check for penis first
Sui: haha
Sui: well you hae to have your priorities
Phoemeister: indeed
Phoemeister: the few times I've forgotten to check for penis
Phoemeister: have been kind of awkward
Sui: yeah well.. I'm sure when it comes right down to it
Sui: that probably takes a second to an S&G fan
Phoemeister: lol
Sui: "hmm well I see here that you have no penis.. but you do like simon and garfunkel... we might be able to work something out"

. . .

Phoemeister: Zwaning zwan, you zwaning zwaner!
Sui: zwan me? zwan you you zwanning zwaner!
Phoemeister: Oh, who the zwan are you, calling me a zwaning zwaner? Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Sui: nope, but I zwanned your mother last night!
Phoemeister: You son of a zwaning zwanner! You couldn't zwan my mom on the zwaningnest day of your life!
Sui: zwan this.. I don't have to take this zwan..
Sui: i'm zwanning outa here
Phoemeister: you would run away! The zwaning zwaners always run away!
Sui: i just live to zwan another day

Today was pretty awesome. I went shopping for the first time in ages. And by that, I exclude going to Best Buy and Barnes & Noble, which I do all the time. And I exclude clothes shopping, which I hate most of the time.

Basically, my mom and I went various places because we were shopping for my dad's birthday. It's the first time she's been shopping in a long time too, she's got these hip problems that make walking not so nice. But both of us were feeling good (one of my reasons I don't go shopping often is the instant I go anywhere I have to poo) for once, so it actually kind of rocked. The sad bit is, we probably ended up with more little things for us than we did things with dad.

First stop: Osco (drugstore/grocery). We got birthday cards there, picked up a prescription for mom, and I got two different lip glosses, one dr. pepper flavored, and this crazy new bonne bell stuff that's like gel and has me crazy tickled. I really enjoy it inordinately.

Second stop: Beer nuts outlet shoppe. Yes, my town has not only given the world the Steakburger, but also the Beer Nut. Bloomington-Normal is where they come from. And my dad wanted some nuts from there. So we got him some.

Third Stop: World Market. Oh... we bought so many things there. With dad, we just guessed around at various candies we thought he would like. It's hard to know for certain, and he barely ever wants anything, so we have to be creative sometimes. My mom bought a load of candy for herself, too. And I got:

--Raspberry Sour Altoids: really, I could get these anywhere, but I saw them here. When they first came out, I loved the lemon ones, and now they don't sell them anywhere. Then, they came out with several other flavors, my favorite of which are raspberry, though they're still not as good.

--Sour Jelly-Bellys: Yeah, sensing a theme? I like sour candy. These are especially good because they're not SOUR sour, they're just a little tarty. Also, unlike the general assortment of Jelly-Bellys, of which the majority of the flavors are crap, sour Jelly Belly's are sensible flavors, such as cherry, strawberry, lemon, peach, blueberry, etc. that one would actually want to eat. It also came with this cool dispenser, and you know I'm all about that.

--Passionfruit Sour Altoids: WHOA. I don't think these are available at most stores. I'd never seen them before, and I've looked at the altoid website since, and they're not there. I think maybe they're special edition or something? The case is a little different than the regular sour altoid case. Anyway, verdict is: THEY ARE AWESOME. Maybe even better than the lemon ones. Which pretty much means they probably won't sell them ever again, and I'll only have them as a beautiful memory that I pine for at night when I can't sleep.

--Lorena Sparkling Orangeade: Honestly, I'm not sure if I got the name right. Anyway, it's about the closest thing I've found in the US to British Fanta (american fanta tastes like every other crappy orange pop, while somehow british fanta tastes like orange juice, but fizzy. It's awesome), so usually I get a bottle to drink on the way home from there.

I think that's it. Then we went to Borders, and got dad the two Bourne movies. He's weird about movies, a majority he won't ever watch more than once, but some he'll watch over and over. And like I said, we have to be creative. And he's fond of those two movies, and they were on display..... so, yeah. My mom got some girly chai drink while we were there, and some foot creme.

Then we went to walmart to get him some of the aftershave we've been getting him on holidays since before I was born. And bought a lot of me-oriented groceries, since I was feeling well enough to do it and have eaten nothing but nachos since I graduated. Rock on.

So a good day was had by all. And also, the awesome thing about shopping with my mom is she'll pay for little things, so all the stuff I mentioned she paid for. Which is nice, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm still unemployed.

I'm so burgeois that it's not even funny.

That is all.

Well, besides a quote from a song I've had in my head all day that really has no bearing on the subject of my burgeois-ness.

smeared black ink
your palms are sweaty
and I'm barely listening

--"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight," The Postal Service

Sage Advice on Dealing With One's Parents

Sui: well if she says no, then you just tell her to suck your balls
Phoemeister: but I don't have balls
Sui: you just walk up and say, "you know what mom? suck mah balls"

Phoemeister: lol
Sui: and then she'll realize you're a goddamned adult with a fithly sailor mouth like that
Sui: and you can do whatever-the-hell you please
Sui: like an adult
Sui: and if that still doesn't work
Sui: you tell her to suck your balls again
Sui: and storm off to your room to listen to angry music and pout
Sui: and complain to your internet friends how your mom is such a bitch
Phoemeister: That's what I do now.
Sui: you gotta go through the other steps first!
Phoemeister: Oh.
Sui: no skipping
Phoemeister: damn

. . .

Phoemeister: the "suck my balls" speech made it onto the blog
Phoemeister: you should be proud
Sui: haha
Sui: nice
Sui: i am famous!
Phoemeister: I know
Phoemeister: you get more play on my blog
Phoemeister: than on your own :P
Sui: haha indeed
Phoemeister: but that's cause you're such a lazy bastard
Phoemeister: ibpw
Sui: haha
Sui: i just have nothing new to report
Sui: "moving, working a lot, sleep now"
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: but you could post convers like I do
Phoemeister: or interesting links
Phoemeister: or out mike on the world wide web
Phoemeister: and then tell his parents the url to your blog
Sui: haha
Sui: i'm pretty sure everyone already suspects mike
Sui: so it's nothing big
Phoemeister: damn

New Alternatune. I actually went on there meaning to talk about this weird thing I have where I just get an urge to make random mix tapes out of nowhere, but because of a conver I had with someone, it more ended up on my theories on why it would be awesome if people would spontaneously burst into song in public.

Today was awesome! Awesome, awesome, awesome! It's the first day in weeks that it's not been horribly hot and humid out. We finally got some rain yesterday, and after that, it was like 70 out. Still kinda humid, but that doeesn't matter that much after you've been in the 100's + insane humidity as long as we have been.

I spent the whole day out on the porch. Which is basically my favorite spot to be. So yay :D

Here's a long (and probably boring for most people--don't blame you if you skip it) conver I had with Tina. It's about my family and the things they do that drive me nuts. I don't really hate them... but I am very passive-agressive with them. I doubt they even know how unhappy I am with them so much of the time. And it just feels REALLY good to just go off on a tear about how awful they are to someone purely on your side every so often. And even better to post it on your blog afterwards.

Phoemeister: I guess most of the tree things don't bother me as much as the crabapple tree. Because it was pretty big and it was BEAUTIFUL in spring. And I had these memories, my dad and my sister and I used to play with the crabapples. But they're all, "It's on a hill, and all those round crabapples make it dangerous to walk here" and I'm thinking, "Seriously. Just WALK AROUND it. How hard is that? I've been walking around that tree in crabapple season since I could walk.
Tina: yes, but your their kid, not their grandkid.. it is an odd thing... parents will let their kids do all kinds of things with the attitude, they'll live and learn, but give it to their grandkids and they go berserk
Phoemeister: Eh, they didn't do it for the grandkid, he wasn't a gleam in my sister's eye yet when it got cut down
Phoemeister: But I know what you mean. She never followed through on it, but my mom totally said she was going to stop smoking for the grandkid. Which pissed me off at the time, because I just KNOW she smoked while she was pregnant with my sister and I, there's just no way she could quit for 9 months, she's so addicted, or claims to be whenever we begged her to stop
Phoemeister: or at least stop while we were riding in the car with her
Tina: dude, that would piss me off as well
Phoemeister: but whoopdy doo, there's a grandkid and she's willing?
Tina: I dont' know what the deal is... but people seem to do things weird with grandkids.. like my mother has totally admitted that giving a kid anything they want is the wrong thing to do and she never did it with her own kids, but she says she's going to do it with grandkids and leave it for me to deal with
Phoemeister: thanks. Like, I used to talk to Kin about it all the time. His mom smokes too, and he just hates it. Because he's afraid she'll get lung cancer or something. But she smokes outside, at least.

I'm like, "Oh, my mom won't die. HER mom has been smoking forever and it hasn't done anything. But I just want her to not smoke while I'm cooped up in a car with her, and she won't even stop for that. I mean, seriously, it's 20 minutes. You can't go 20 friggin' minutes without smoking?" apparently not
Tina: that's bull.. I've known people who are very addicted to them stop smoking for a few hours at least... especially when someone asks them to
Phoemeister: Well... it kind of makes sense. If you don't have to discipline the kid... you want to be the fun relative. I mean, I'm already racking my brain for ways to get my nephew to like me, because I' malready the least favorite relative, and I don't plan on having kids of my own and I want him to visit me when I'm in the nursing home.... but yeah, totally spoiling someone else's kid is like, "Screw you! I'm going to totally undermine you!" to the parents ;P
Tina: seems like your mom does it cause she's asked not to
Phoemeister: She is just a jerk. If she absolutely has to, or knows it'll make her look like even a huger dick than she already looks like, she'll stop for that long. But no amount of arguing will get her to stop in the car if it's an ordinary day.
Phoemeister: I think once she insisted on driving me to a job interview and I made her stop because I didn't want to walk in smelling like a chimney, she didn't. But hell, she wouldn't even not smoke in the car on my graduation when I asked
Tina: well, I read your blog and I have to tell you, that as long as your the one not giving him everything he wants immediately when he wants it, the kid is going to seem to hate you... babies are like that, they want it and if you don't give it to them, they seem to hate you... it's an awful trap parents fall into too
Phoemeister: Aw... Well I just don't know what to do with him. And on top of not giving him everything he wants, he knows me less because I don't get him as often
Tina: yeah, I totally know what you mean, with the whole I've never dealt with a baby before so why do you expect me to know what to do with one crap.. I mean, if you had a guy a baby for the first time and he's like, what do I do, people laugh, but let a girl do the same thing and they shake they head sadly like your deficient
Tina: hand a guy a baby..
Phoemeister: But I just really want him to know me, you know? I barely know ANY of my aunts or uncles. My extended family is just so... apathetic, no one cares. I barely know any of them, and none of them very well. But since I don't want to have a kid.... I don't know, maybe it's selfish, but I want to have at least some kind of connection with a generation younger than mine. So to be perfectly frank, no I don't think he's that awesome now. But I'm hoping that when he hits 5, maybe, we could be buddies. But if he thinks I'm the unpleasant one from the beginning, i don't know how that's going to happen, especially with 10,000 other relatives in town, fawning over him every instant possible
Tina: wait till he can talk, then the bond will hit... kids aren't really interesting till then
Tina: the only chance your going to have is waiting till he can talk and walk, and you have your own place away from your parents, then offer to baby sit a few hours... give your sister a break, and spend some time with him
Tina: beucase you don't have a chance in hell to bond with your mom around
Phoemeister: I know! I think we could be great pals when he talks. In many ways, I'm a very immature person. I love doing things like playing with children's toys and making them make voices or going to kids movies. I think I could be a fun aunt. But he'll probably distrust me from the first, especially if everyone else is still so busy horning in by then. My real hope, sadly, is that they have another baby by then, and everyone else all loves the baby, and I get to hang out and bond with my older nephew while no one's paying attention to him anymore
Tina: yeah, give the kid time.. let him get an actual personality, instead of one his parents think they see..
Phoemeister: Yeah, it's just I'd have to fight tooth and nail for babysitting priveleges. I swear, my parents are retired, so they have nothing else to do all day. And then there's two other sets of grandparents, cause my brother in law's parents divorced and remarried. And they ALL think I can't handle a child. They've not so much as let me change a diaper by myself!
Phoemeister: I hope so. I think we could be great friends if I just get the chance... I just don't know if I ever will
Tina: hey, I'd be glad of that.. I've never changed one either and not looking forward to it
Phoemeister: I know
Tina: well, if you hang out with the sis one day without parents along, and admit you need some pointers on baby handling, your sis will hopefully start yapping... mommies love nothing more than to talk about babies
Phoemeister: but I thought if I changed a diaper, it would look like I knew what I was doing and capable of caring for a child. Whereas just being handed him and he starts fussing and then I have to guess what will make him happy... I suck at it
Phoemeister: but because of my problems, poo just doesn't gross me out anymore
Phoemeister: Eh. I don't get much time alone with my sis either. I hate hanging with my family. My sister and her husband are okay. And my parents are okay. But put them together, and it's like...... they all get as boring and annoying as possible, and I don't even know whY!
Tina: not so much as grossed out about it, but just not that eager to begin the regiment that will last for like the first 3 or 4 years of their lives... thousands of diapers a year...
Phoemeister: true. Which is why you'd think they wouldn't mind me taking charge for once on the diapers
Tina: dude, because your not the same personality as them, and you don't see the world they way they do... so being in the middle of a group of them is like being in the middle of a bad Woody Allen movie
Phoemeister: and my parents like..... love everything about grandparenting, even the diapers. And my sister thinks I'm incompetant at everything, even diapers.
Tina: or in my families case, The Loretta Lynn Story... without the fame and money
Phoemeister: I haven't seen any Woody Allen or The Loretta Lynn story :P
Tina: your sister feeds off your mother's opinion of you... because it's easier than to stick up for you
Phoemeister: Yeah... true. I just feel so inferior around her. And like, sometimes it's not even because of my mom! Like if I ever hurt myself, she has some story about something similar that hurt 100 times worse, and I'm just a big baby for complaining.
Tina: I know your mother loves you, but she seems to have the opinion that "Phoe lacks" and then put in just about anything...
Phoemeister: It's like: okay, Sis, just because you had a worse experince once doesn't mean like I don't feel like complaining about my this experience I just had to vent off a little steam, okay?
Phoemeister: true
Tina: dude, really, until she had the baby, did your sister ever really go through anything that amounted to what you go through with the big C?
Phoemeister: God, and what I hate the most is I'm pretty much proving them right
Phoemeister: I used to be like, "I'll show them"
Phoemeister: and now I just sit around and do nothing all day because I can't get a fucking job doing anything
Tina: yeah, I feel great about myself, until I hear how my family thinks of me... then I feel really bad about myself... because it's always "oh you could have been" fill in appropriate high paying career "because your so smart"
Phoemeister: She had some asthma stuff that put her in the hospital. But like... that's not the stuff she gives me crap about, because it's not like I complain about having asthma
Phoemeister: :/
Phoemeister: My mom is just set, SET on all her kids working at state farm. if I don't get a job there, she'll be sad. But it kills me that I can't get a job anywhere at all, and at least contribute to society
Tina: so to compete with you, she has to demean what ever it is your complaining about, because the moment the big C arrives, you win, hands down
Phoemeister: True. But she was like that even before I got colitis
Phoemeister: like... if I had to have pudding because they just adjusted my braces and it hurt to eat, I'm this big pussy because when she had braces "it really didn't hurt that much."
Phoemeister: Screw you! Just because I want some damn pudding, you have to make a big thing about it?
Tina: ha! that sounds more like jealousy
Tina: on her part
Tina: because everyone wants a little pampering after something like that
Phoemeister: maybe. And like, whenever I get blood taken, it invaribably takes them several times, including digging around and all that, and I hate, HATE needles. They had to hold me down to give me shots when I was little. So I bring up that when they take blood from me, and show the bruise I got from the digging around.... and she's all, "well two years ago, they blew my vein and it hurt like crazy! You're being a baby , that's a tiny bruise!" Who cares? That happened two years ago! And you don't even mind needles that much. Shut the hell up!
Phoemeister: true
Tina: :: laughs :: no one could deny your sisters, with that back and forth
Phoemeister: true
Tina: although she sounds more like a brother, than a sister
Phoemeister: that's another thing that sucks. When we were little, we hated each other. But we'd actually kind of become friends for two years when she was in high school. Then the minute she gets a boyfriend... she just never cares anymore. So now she calls mom up and talks to her all the time, and does things with mom and dad all the time, but if I ever want to do anything with her, I have to call her up and arrange it. I mean, technically I'm invited to do whatever it is she does with mom and dad, but I've told you what hell that is
Phoemeister: How so?
Tina: because, she's basically calling you a pussy all the time, take the pain you wimp! ... which is more of a male football jock mentality
Tina: when she was having the phew, I bet no one told her to stop her whining and take the pain
Phoemeister: Hunh, true.

LOL, nope
Tina: you know, it seems like, to a degree, your sister gave up some of her own individuality and personality when she got a man
Phoemeister: though technically beforehand my brother in law was very heavyhanded with the "you should have a natural childbirth stuff." And she did, actually, though I don't know if she meant to or not. She popped the 'phew out so fast they didn't have time to drug her up anyhow
Phoemeister: Oh, she TOTALLY did
Phoemeister: her first boyfriend: totally into music. I swear, me and my sister never listened to music other than the oldies our parents listened to up until 1996 when she got her first boyfriend. And when she got into music, I kind of got into music through her. And now I'm still into music, but she broke up with him and got with a guy who loves sports, and now she loves sports (which again, she didn't care about before him) and doesn't really give a shit about music
Tina: and now, she'll loose more into being Mom.. my friend Mindy did and now, 4 years later, she's totally rebelling against that..
Tina: your sister is a chameleon lover
Tina: she changes who she is to better suit who she's with instead of being who she really thinks she is
Phoemeister: I think so. I mean... she's such a pushover with anything he tells her to do. It's like that conversation we had about breastfeeding. She got these infections from it that made her feel like total shit, like barely functioning, and this is on top of having a young baby to take care of, getting over labor, and having no sleep, and she's like, "well, maybe I'll stop breastfeeding," but Chris (brother in law) managed to re-convince her to keep breastfeeding every time
Phoemeister: that is more than I could give, even if it was my kid
Phoemeister: I know!
Tina: were they calling it thrush?
Phoemeister: ah :P
Phoemeister: Well she got thrush once, and it wasn't fun. But she got these other infections that just like WIPED her out, too. My mom had to come over and like, take care of the baby for a week each time

Then we got into a discussion on thrush and various other diseases.

Here's another Tina conver I'm posting in edit because.... I can

Tina: me too, me and A were talking about how we'd decorate a house today
Phoemeister: aww :-)
Tina: was a good conversation
Phoemeister: Well I hope you guys do it soon
Phoemeister: (and let me live in the attic)
Phoemeister: you could scare your children with tales about me
Phoemeister: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll end up like the crazy woman in our attic!
Tina: :: laughs:: we actually talked about how to get a spare bed put up so you and others could come visit
Phoemeister: awww :-)
Phoemeister: that sounds even nicer than the attic and cautionary tale for children

Hell, I'm just going to stick every conversation I had tonight that amused me in this post:

LSEG: are you suuuuure?
Phoemeister: I would knife fight you, brazillian style, to prove that
LSEG: ahahaha
Phoemeister: truly
Phoemeister: Even though I don't really know if there is a brazillian style of knife fighting
LSEG: I'm sure there is.
Phoemeister: True
LSEG: But I would've said capoeira instead
Phoemeister: I suppose if you're in brazil
Phoemeister: and you're knife fighting
Phoemeister: it's brazillian knife fighting
LSEG: Capoeira is fun
Phoemeister: I don't know what Capoeira is
LSEG: it's the caribbean dancing-fighting style.. it resembles breakdancing with some of its moves.. Eddie what's his name from Tekken uses it
Phoemeister: SWEET
Phoemeister: I don't know what tekken is
Phoemeister: but if something involves knives
LSEG: fighting video game
Phoemeister: and breakdancing
Phoemeister: I'm THERE
LSEG: well
LSEG: I don't know about knives
LSEG: but it's funny to watch
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: I'd still be there for the breakdancing part, most likely
LSEG: yeah, it's awesome
LSEG: lots of short cartwheels with kicks, and swinging your body around, supported by one or two hands
Phoemeister: sweet
Phoemeister: if I could physically do that
Phoemeister: I would
LSEG: practice, practice, practice
LSEG: I could do it probably
Phoemeister: I couldn't
Phoemeister: not in a million years
Phoemeister: I would DIE
Phoemeister: just from doing the cartwheel
LSEG: Are ya alil overweight? I couldn't have done it when I was 212 lbs
Phoemeister: Nah, I'm not overweight
Phoemeister: jsut dangerously uncoordinated
Phoemeister: I'm not even kidding
LSEG: Can ya swing a sword? :D lol
Phoemeister: I'm not dead
Phoemeister: so..... that means I haven't tried it yet

Phoemeister: nitpicking is a fun hobby
Phoemeister: but it sucks if you're wrong
Phoemeister: because then you have to take back like 2 hours of bickering where you're like, "I'm SURE Chop Suey was System of a Down's first hit!"
Sarcasmyst: lol
Sarcasmyst: the internet is a harsh mistress
Phoemeister: it is, my friend. it surely is.

one last with Tina:

Tina: damns traight... and I stole your idea and blogged the AIm conversation because I am, as well, lazy
Phoemeister: sweet :P
Phoemeister: lazy AIM blogposting is what America is about!
Phoemeister: I hope my side of the conver doesn't get him pissed at me :P I did call him pissy :P
Tina: :: laughs:: if it does, his problem... I mean, if he can't grasp the idea that my friend is on my side,
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Well *someone else* still hasn't grasped it
Phoemeister: he barely talks to me anymore :-(
Tina: sorry chica seems like he believes he has full ownership of the Phoe Friendship Guild
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Well I can see why he might think about it
Phoemeister: you're like, the only other contender, really
Tina: whoo! If I have to be a contender, I want to be Rocky and he can be Apollo Creed
Phoemeister: ha :P
Phoemeister: If I had to pick, though
Phoemeister: I'd totally be Mr. T
Phoemeister: instead of Apollo
Phoemeister: because hey, T! Who doesn't want to be T?
Tina: naw, not if we're going with the movie characters. where Mr T was Clubber Lange
Phoemeister: Ah
Phoemeister: I couldn't remember his chars name
Phoemeister: just that he hit on Adrienne
Phoemeister: and Rocky was having none of that
Phoemeister: true story
Tina: I don't remmeber that, I remember the part where he killed the old man
Phoemeister: he killed the old guy?
Phoemeister: I thought old guy died of a heart attack
Tina: Lange hit the Old Man as hard as he'd hit someone in the ring, which basically put the old guy into the heart attack
Phoemeister: JESUS. BAD Mr. T
Phoemeister: that's seriously uncool
Tina: seriously
Phoemeister: I guess maybe I would be Apollo, then
Phoemeister: he turns out to be nice
Phoemeister: lets Rocky train in his gym after he's bankrupt
Tina: yeah, that was my point Apollo becomes Rocky's best friend
Phoemeister: Oh
Phoemeister: See, that would be PERFECT if you were Rocky and he was Apollo
Phoemeister: because then we'd all be friends
Phoemeister: What would I be, then?
Tina: Adrienne?
Phoemeister: ADRIENNE! ADRIENNE!

Another new comic: Sprint Donnie Osmond (I surmise I got that hit for mentioning the Donnie/Tito Sprint commercial)

New Comic. Naked Pictures of Billy Corgan. And it's STILL better than his music! AHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Take that, Billy Corgan!

Though actually, I never really hated the Smashing Pumpkins and never knew any of his other music well enough to comment. I just felt like dissin' him after reading the interview with him in Spin, and reading my logs and seeing someone wanted to see him naked and came to me for that service.

Gah. The 'phew's one year birthday party today. So you know it was a bunch of grownups sitting around talking about boring grownup things. Though actually my sister somehow ended up with a few friends that all had babies around the same time, so they brought their babies, so that made it slightly less pathetic, only all the other babies are slightly older and were running around playing with the 'phew's old toys while the 'phew was forced to sit and entertain the adults by sitting with my sister as she opened his gifts. And then there was the obligitory "oh, the baby got cake all over," bit, which the 'phew was rather half hearted about. Everyone crowded around to get pictures, though!

Really, I like the 'phew. But I have no maternal instincts whatsoever, it sucks. Whereas usually I'm doing things any human being would know how to do, and my Mom gives me unnecessary instructions like I'm an idiot, when I end up doing anything with the 'phew, they just hand him to me and act all surprised when I don't know what to do with him. Newsflash: the 'phew is the only baby I've ever had any experience with, and that experience is rather slim because every time you give him to me he cries and you immediately take him back and berate me for not psychically knowing what he wants, thus giving me no time to build up experience in knowing what he wants.

Plus, whenever they give him to me, it's because everyone else is too busy. So when people are busy, they're moving around and being interesting, and he doesn't care about what I'm trying to do, he wants to ditch boring Aunt Phoe and be where the action is. Then when he cries, they berate me and are like, "You should let him crawl like he wants!" Well he's going to crawl straight to you guys, and you told me to keep him out of your way! Make up your damn mind!

At this rate, the only way I'm going to get him to like me is lots and lots of candy when he's old enough for it.

Oh, and also back to the old boring grown-up things, I just have to say: grown up people parties suck. Maybe if it were MY grown up people party it wouldn't suck because I'd know the people, but my sister's grown up people parties are like my mom dragging us in early so we can help set up, and then making us be like the last ones to leave even though we don't know anyone else and the actual "activities" were done ages ago, and it's just people we don't know talking about boring things that none of us care about.

Warning: Boring food rant

Also, usually: there's crappy food. What the hell is up with deli platters? Everyone is always making you eat deli food and/or a veggie platter at this type of thing. Sometimes there's chips and salsa. I HATE deli food. I HATE vegetables. I HATE salsa! Get some pizza or hamburgers! When you graduate college all of the sudden you're too good for pizza? I guess I kind of did like the food this time, though, because my mom was all, "Well... we'll get a fruit plate. You'll eat that." And I'm all, "NOT. Fruit plates are 90% various types of melon, and people look at me sideways when I eat all of the grapes and strawberries out of the mix." And she's like, "What would you rather have?" and I was all, "Get some strawberries at SAM'S club." And she's like, "I don't want to clean all of those." And I was like, "I'll clean them." And she bought them and cleaned them all herself anyway. And still got a regular fruit platter. But I was vindicated because everyone ate way more strawberries. But the regular fruit platter was okay. Yes, it still had tons of melon. But it also had some fresh pineapple, which was awesome. And no one else ate the melon, which also kind of vindicates me. This was crazy, though: we had cake, icecream, strawberries, fruit platter, corn chips and salsa, potato chips and dip, deli platter, coleslaw, and a veggie platter. This was like the ultimate old people party spread.

So basically I ate an absolute buttload of strawberries, one piece of deli turkey, one piece of deli cheese, 3/4 of an absolute buttload of pineapple, and some ice cream. And I stand by that choice. Plus, I didn't feel bad for hogging, a lot of the fruit I ate after everyone else had had all they wanted. Sweet!

Hot damn, I love the interweb!

Man, I'm going stir crazy. It is as hot as the SUN out lately.

Okay, I'm joking. But it is like, the hottest summer in 10 years or something. So I don't feel like going outside the loving embrace of our airconditioner lately.

Which sucks, because I like to hang out on the porch. But I can't. So I'm stuck inside. And my mom just... can't tolerate silence. She has to have a TV on no matter what she's doing. So I can't get away from the TV. And all outings seem to become family outings. So I can't get away from the 'rents.

*sigh* I really need a job, if only to get out of here.

Sui: haha
Sui: you would choose a large refreshment spokesman for your muscle
Phoemeister: I WOULD

new Alternatune. Does anyone even read it? I'm doing it for myself, but every so often I go, "Damn, this is dumb. No one reads it." True story.

So my day was fraught with various levels of suckage. The whole moving thing is still going on, my family and I came over when we had absolutely nothing to do, none of us. I guess my parents are just very eager at every possible chance they get to hang out with my sis and/or her baby. It makes me sad, kind of. Not that I want them bothering me all the time, but my mom calls my sister up like, every day to talk, and they always want to hang out. When I lived in the dorms... I got nothing. Okay, technically I came home most every weekend, but still... meh.

On top of that, I can't believe how far ahead of me my sister is, at just four years older than me. She's got the ginormous house now. She's got the well paying job. She's got the husband and the baby. I'm... jobless, still living with my parents. And no, I never wanted a baby, and I would be happy with a small appartement. But I've got no job, no idea how to get a half decent one, and obviously have never ever had any prospects for romance (I am so very freakish, and I don't even know why). I am a disappointment to myself, and even more of one to society at large. I know this makes me a whiner, but eh... I am a whiner, I might as well go with it.

Today was the day after the 'phew's birthday. But since they were in the middle of moving and obviously he doesn't know anything about what day is which, his party is a couple days from now. And tonight, my parents and I gave him what we got him. My parents got him a ton of crap, I got him this chenille frog beanbag chair. Which, of course, I have crappy timing, he's no longer at the age where he lies around all day which would be optimum beanbag chair age, and he's still at the stage where moving around is exciting, so he never wants to sit, which is the exact opposite of optimum beanbag chair age. So maybe he'll like it when he's slightly older.

Also, today was one of the few days I've had in awhile where I didn't feel really sick, but I was way constipated, so I know tomorrow it's going to be horrible.

I borrowed some books from my sister, because she had all her books out and was putting them into the bookshelf. Really, I don't know why I don't do this more often, her and I's tastes are similar enough that we occaisionally buy the same book without knowing. The ones I got from her this time she enthusiastically reccomended, but I don't know if they'll be my favorites, it's fantasy or sci fi or something because it takes place in an alternate universe, but it sounds pretty much like a mystery novel in fantasy novel's clothing, which, meh. Very few mysteries have I truly loved. Who knows, though? I got nothing better to do right now, obviously.

On my part, I'm going to try and turn her onto Robin Hobb. I did that to a friend recently, and it worked marvelously.

Phoemeister: My sister moved into her new house today. I came over to help but there was nothing to do so I left. It kind of irritates me, I don't want to be the unemployed loser with nothing better to do who blows off helping, but I don't want to be sitting around there all day with nothing to do because she's got 8 other people who want to, and fight me for every single task because they all think I'm incompetant :P
Tina: yeah, to them your the bbbaaaaaaaaaaabbbbyyy and couldn't possibly be helpful
Tina: or at least, that seems to be what they always think
Phoemeister: I know!
Tina: your how old now?
Phoemeister: And geez, there wasn't a huge lot to do anyway, because my sister had to be the one to put everything away, she wouldn't let us do it without her, and she was also the one who had to tell the movers where to put things, so basically about half of us were standing around doing nothing
Tina: sounds like your sis wanted to do it all herself anyways
Phoemeister: Kind of. I mean, there were a few things to lift around besides what the movers were doing, but of course my dad wanted to do that, and he never ever lets me lift anything, even though he's got a bad back and is the last person who should be hauling things around. My sis's inlaws and my mom did all the cleaning, and wouldn't really let me help, and like you said, my sister did want to do all the actual putting away herself
Phoemeister: All I did was put some towels up :P And then I was going to help put together the baby's crib because I'd actually helped build it the first time, but it has a very specific order, and the instructions were locked into this fireproof safe they have, and the key to the safe was in a box that they couldn't tell from any of the others. So, I was just like, "Lame. I'm not going to stay here for four horus just so I can help with the crib later. Also: by that time my mom and my sis's mother in law had absolutely nothing to do and would probably rather do it themselves anyway"
Phoemeister: Yeah, I know :P
Tina: well, at least you got good blog material today
Phoemeister: lol, true. Though I swear, I don't even need to post, I could just dredge up past posts such as "The day they moved into the last house and wouldn't let me help," "the day they built the steps on their old house and wouldn't let me help," "the day they let me help stain the deck, but complained about the bit I did," and so on.
Tina: I remember that step thing actually

You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.

--Tyler Durden, Fight Club

So I had an appointment with my poop doctor today. And he told me, your whole family is made out of meat."

Okay, I really did see him today, but he said "there's not much I can do for you," but I thought the meat thing was funnier.

I don't think I have a ton of dreams. I can go months in between nights where I dream (and actually remember it). But man... it's been dream central. I had another fairly bizzare one last night.

It started with a dream within a dream. I had this dream where some celebrity I can't remember the name of told me to "follow the goldfish" and then I looked up at a flag at the top of a building and said, "wow they must be having the ____ game, today." Which I can't remember the teams names, but it was soccer. But the building was not a stadium or anything proper for soccer. And there was one other thing, but I really can't remember it.

Then I woke up, and told my family all about it and they'd had similar dreams as well. Only they weren't my real family. We were all british, I think. And I had no parents but like a ton of siblings. So we went out to do something or other, and we spotted the celebrity I mentioned I couldn't remember. So we started following him, but then we see Ben Folds! And I tell my family that He's the goldfish, we should follow him! My logic was there was some Ben Folds lyric having to do with goldfish, but really: no. As far as I know the only goldfish-related anything is he has one live/outtakes album called "Songs for Goldfish." So anyway, we follow Ben Folds and eventually we get to this place where they're freeze-drying goldfish, and they still live afterwards. So then they try this using a human baby, and my family and I are righteously outraged that they're performing dangerous experiments on babies!

Then I think my family splits up, half of us go to follow the one thing I mentioned I couldn't remember, and my half went to the soccer game building, only it turned out not to be a soccer game. It turned out that The Rock was speaking to a whole bunch of people, and my brother and I had to sneak in and kept getting thrown out, but finally The Rock took pity on us and let us in. Then we found this weird coral thing, and then it turned out to be this crazy blanket. Then we discussed it with The Rock and decided that the world was ending, and we were all supposed to go into space (hence the need for warm blankets and freeze drying babies).

Fin.

So, I had another dream last night, and I can't remember most of it. Except, I remember very distinctly shouting, "Well I guess I won't let you read my autographed copy of Slaughterhouse Five, then!"

Good times.

Addendum: just now, i realized I had another dream last night (which I know there were two different ones because the Slaughterhouse Five one was at a pool party or something, and this other one was at a department store). Anyway, it was really vague too, all I remember is shoplifting a blazer by accident, and this one chick I knew briefly in college called the cops and I was arrested. True story.

So, tonight my parents have been making fun of me because I used to think Lee Iacoca was Asian.

I thought that up until today. When I was like, "Who's the guy on all those annoying ads?" and my mom was like, "Lee Iacoca."

True story.

Tina: dude, guess what!
Phoemeister: What?
Tina: I totally answered a guestion on Jeopardy today correctly because of you
Phoemeister: SWEET
what was it?
Tina: category, Animal names - question - Finish this title to a Kurt Vonnegat book, Welcome to -
Phoemeister: sweet!
Phoemeister: I am badass

New Alternatune. You'll be happy to hear that roughly half of the post is dedicated to what I like to call, "Pooing music."

So, I had two pretty crazy dreams last night. One of them is insanely detailed, but the other's a little vaguer. But here we go:

The first one, I dreamt I was the Human Torch. And I and a whole bunch of other superheroes were fighting zombies, I think (there were a lot of people getting some disease and the disease made them attack people and each other). I was doing pretty well at it, because I could disinfect myself with fire whenever any of the zombies tried to get me. But I couldn't control my powers very well, my superhero friends kept telling me to just fire up my hand or something, but I did the whole thing every time, wasting energy.

Finally, I was the only one left, and I went into space on a ship with a bunch of the zombies. Then, (I swear my brain is just... weird) I got Star Wars characters to help me kill the zombies, including Yoda, Chewbacca, and Darth Vader. We were STILL losing, but then General Grevious came in with his droid army and took care of business (yeah... no idea why he and vader were suddenly good guys) and we were all saved.

Also, I remember really getting a kick out of saying, "Flame On!" and saying it whenever possible.

The other dream, I dreamt the WTC was rebuilt, and my family and I had came to visit, and we were in the top floor. At one point, I saw Donald Trump and his wife, and they had this huge cage of ferrets, and a huge cage of other weasels they kept at the WTC to amuse themselves every time they visited. The ferrets were to be fed to the other weasels, and even though the other weasels weren't that huge, they could eat the ferrets in one or two bites. Now that I'm awake, and know that a ferret IS a weasel, I'm kind of disturbed by the cannibalism.

I also remember reading some magazine on the arcitecture of the new WTC, and how it had stairs even though if anyone had to use them they'd be screwed because it's too tall to get out of a fire without dying unless you're on one of the lower floors. The magazine also had an ad for Sin City, only they had added this whole plotline to it where some guy (played by Matt Damon) had a nose made of stainless steel.

Then I saw some friends from high school up there so I came over to hang out with them. One of them had this ice cream treat I tried not that long ago in real life called "Dibs." They're made by Edy's, I think, and they basically coat little chunks of ice cream with chocolate. They have various flavors (vanilla, chocolate, mint), but the ones in my dream were mint. And I went over to some do it yourself station to try and get my own dibs, but there was this one really impatient guy behind me that made getting them kind of a pain.

Finally, I came back to my friends, and the one was acting really strange and scared, and I found out that her and Nicole Ritchie had witnessed this terrible crime perpetrated by the mob. And Nicole Richie had apparently moved out of the country and was safe now, and my friend felt bad for her, but I was like, "Hey, it's Nicole Richie! She's practically the lowest form of life on the planet! Not only that, she's safe in France or wherever. Chill."

So later on, the friend who had witnessed the crime and I were driving down the interstate, but she wanted to avoid main roads because she was still afraid of the mafia. So we ended up in some po-dunk town by this mom and pop diner that I was convinced was A & W and begged her to pull over so we could eat there, and some cars pull up and she gets paranoid that they're the mafia. So, she starts turning circles in the car really really fast. Yeah, I don't know why. I guess it was we were going too fast for bullets to get us, but we were going in a circle so there wasn't any danger of a crash? Anyway, I was going to get sick and close to blacking out, and asked her if I could use the phone to call 911 or something, so she gave me her cell, and I called up the cops, and was like, "Yeah, my friend and Nicole Ritchie witnessed a horrible crime so now the Mafia's trying to get us, and we're driving in circles by this old mom & pop diner that I thought was an A & W at first. Please come get us." And then I woke up.

Phoemeister: I would love to read something where the hero has multiple personality disorder
Phoemeister: and the villain's one of his/her other personalities
Sui: like Fight Club?
Phoemeister: damn
Phoemeister: it's been done already
Phoemeister: you ruined my dreeeeeam!
Sui: haha
Sui: I have a habit of doing that

Curiosity... SATISFIED!!

--Dinosaur Comics

Wherein I Wax Eloquent on Superhero Movies

Okay, the Fantastic Four: they've always kind of struck me as the white bread of superheroes. Boring outfits, only one real villain and he's actually boring enough that I really didn't remember him, a friend had to be like, "Oh, he was this third world dictator with a metal mask and yadda yadda ya," to me the other day. Corny catchphrases like, "It's clobberin' time!"

Which, I have to say, I never read the comics. I base this all on a cartoon version I used to watch. That is how I am most familiar with batman, spiderman, and X-Men too. And from what I hear, the cartoons of most of these are a lot more faithful than the movies, so whenever I'm talking to a comic nerd, I just pretend I used to read the comics and gnash my teeth along with them over all the liberties movies take with whatever comic franchise we're discussing.

I really have troubles with the spiderman movies. Really. And I can't even put my finger exactly on why they bug me. I think if I'd never heard of spiderman before I'd probably enjoy them (except for Kirsten Dunst. She annoys the crap out of me. And again, I couldn't even tell you why). But somehow, I don't feel like the soul of what I know as Spiderman really came through. I love Tobey MacGuire. Love him, in Pleasantville and Wonderboys. But he's really not angsty enough. Or angsty in the right way. Or the proper kind of nerdiness. He's just not Peter Parker to me. Both movies seem wholly cheap and soulless though under different circumstances I would probably enjoy them quite a bit.

Batman... eh, I guess I wasn't as attached to him, or too young when the first round of Batman movies came out to really care if they were horrible or not. But I quite liked the new one. It seemed a little overwrought with it's own philisophical importance, but when you think about it, Batman has always kind of been about that, so it works.

X-men, is kind of mixed for me. The first one I loved. Honestly, it has too many characters to really develop them all. And, I'm going to overuse white bread in this post again, but there's no other way to describe stupid Cyclops and Jean Grey. I know she all becomes the Phoenix later on and all that crap. But until then: most boring personality ever. Runner up: Cyclops. No wonder they love each other so much. And whether or not this particular subplot is canon (I can't remember): I think adding wolverine and making it a love triangle is stupid and unnecessarily soap opera-y. Wolverine's the most interesting character. He's the bread and butter of the franchise! He has better things to do than to long for someone totally boring who is already involved with someone else totally boring. Other mostly unnecessary characters: Sabretooth, that toad guy, Storm. I'm not anti-storm, but they don't give her much to do except hold that dude's hand while he dies. But despite all this, I really enjoyed it, and thought the "not enough character development" thing might work itself out over the course of all the movies given that it wasn't meant as a one-of.

The second one, I liked the first time I watched it, then fell asleep the second time. Seriously, I do not fall asleep watching movies very often, so that says something. Again, pointless characters: Jean Grey, Cyclops, Ladyfingers (or whatever anti-wolverine's name was), Pyro, Iceman... And the sheer wealth of new characters clearly derails my hope for any eventual character development. Despite that, I HAVE to love Nightcrawler. I'm hooked on the angst. And his relationship with Storm kind of made it worth having her around this time around, too (no idea if this is canon, he wasn't a character in the cartoon I watched). And it might've been developed further if we weren't stuck following 800 characters. And the connection forged between Wolverine and Rogue in the first movie is pretty much ignorred.

So anyway, this is a longwinded intro to say: I saw Fantastic Four today and liked it, despite poor expectations. I'm pretty sure it's at least as cheap and soulless as the Spiderman movies, but since I hadn't particularly loved the four beforehand, I guess I didn't care so much. There was only one thing that really irritated me, which was something to do with The Thing, but I'm not going to go into it, because it's part of a plot point. For the rest: it has about the amount of action/special effects/etc. you'd expect, the romantic tension is sort of perfunctory and lame but it doesn't really get in the way of the rest much, and I actually found a lot of the one liners etc. fairly amusing.

P.S. I left out the only other superhero movie I've seen, Daredevil, because I'd never read the comics or watched any cartoon with him in, and I only even watched the movie because it was on HBO and I have no life. But now I feel the need to point out that it's one of the most piece of crap movies ever made, and I doubt a pre-existing familiarity with Daredevil would make it any better. Yes, I realize the only way I could become more like Comic book man from the Simpsons would be to actually read comics. And have an actual job.

Word Problems

Let's say in high school, you had a circle of friends (about 4 + yourself). And you were closer to two of them than the other two to begin with. And those two, you haven't seen for a couple years. The whole group sends mass e-mails to each other once in awhile, but not hugely often. You barely know those two at all anymore.

One of the two sends out a mass e-mail to everyone about how they finally have a boyfriend (yes--my group is slow. 2 of us still haven't ever dated, as far as I know). And how great said boyfriend is.

A few months later--the boyfriend dumps her and she sends out a mass e-mail that sounds pretty sad and asking for sympathy.

What do you say to that?

Anyway, this obviously happened to me today. I feel hugely uncomfortable, as I don't even know this chick much anymore, and didn't know the guy at all. He comes off a little insensitive according to the e-mail, but who am I to pass judgement on a fairly biased source? Especially if they ever get together again. I know some of the other friends (this group, btw, is pretty religious except for me) will probably say something about God's plan and how she wasn't meant to be with the guy after all or whatever, but I knew it'd just be phony coming from me. So I said that I was sorry, and had really been rooting for her and the guy and that someday she'd find someone who could really see how special she is. Which sounds kind of patronizing, but it was the best I had. I'm not great at ushering people through times of emotional difficulty. Even when I actually know anything about the person and situation.

you better open the door
before I take a hammer to the walls around it
I cannot let you inside my cell
for fear I'll sink the ship and drag us both down

--"Better Open the Door" Motion City Soundtrack

For Fourth of July, we celebrated by grilling and eating steak. I, for one, feel there is no greater way to commemorate the founding of this great nation than to eat one of it's delicious creatures.

Our other usual nod to the 4th is to watch the movie Independance Day. But we didn't this year because we're pretty tired of it. I think I've seen that movie more than anyone else alive, it used to be the only non-Disney movie we had at the house. So... next year, Will Smith, next year.

I have seen way too many movies lately. Ever since my dad retired, and I ended up an unemployed loser, we find movies a good way to consume some of the extra time on our hands. I can't decide whether my growing disillusionment with action movies (primarily what my dad wants to watch) is because they actually ARE getting worse and more soulless like all the reviewers say, or because I just see way too many of them. Like, I saw War of the Worlds today, and I'm pretty sure I should've thought it was awesome. I am firmly in the Spielburg camp. And though Tom Cruise isn't my favorite, he can actually be pretty decent sometimes. I LOVED Minority Report, the last time him and Spielburg collaborated. And there were lots of cool special effects and things being killed and blown up and even a touch of humor at times. But I pretty much felt meh at the end.

We also rented a couple, including Hitch (which the DVD was scratched, so I can't say how that was), which my dad wasn't so enthusiastic about, but I was able to trade upon his enduring love of Will Smith. Honestly, I didn't think it was going to be the next Citizen Kane either, but I need something to cleanse my palate from all the action movies I've seen lately, I think.

The other was some Robin Williams movie called "Final Cut." It is kind of this sci fi thing whose premise is too elaborate for me to go into here, but it was pretty bad. I think I might just have to switch my rule from, "No Robin Williams movies where he is trying to be funny," to "No Robin Williams movies unless 'Good Will Hunting' is in the title."

Let's see, what all have I seen this summer (and this doesn't even count rentals)? Kingdom of Heaven, Star Wars Episode III, The Longest Yard, Mr & Mrs Smith, Cinderella Man, Batman Begins, War of the Worlds.... pretty much all the big releases. Not that a few of those weren't actually good, and some of them aren't exactly straight action films, but I think we've become exactly the type of people who make it so the big budget action movies with no deep characters rule the movie industry nowadays. The only one this summer that's too insipid for even us is probably going to be The Dukes of Hazzard.

But we'll probably pass on any of the big comedies, as my dad is not a fan of most comedians in movies nowadays. And probably pass on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But I do the latter gladly. I really don't see why everyone's all panting over that, because I didn't love the original like so many other people seem to, though I'm a fan of Roald Dahl most of the time. All his books are good. And the movie adaptation of Witches was downright freaky for a kid's movie of it's time. And one of the few scary movies I've ever been fond of (yes, that's the scariest movie I can claim to like. I fully admit to being lame). And I'm one of the few girls of my age who doesn't think Johnny Depp can walk on water. I can pretty much take him or leave him.

And the trailers on this one say... leave him. Who else thinks that after the sucess of using Keith Richards for a template for his character in Pirates of the Carribean, he decided to use Michael Jackson as a template for Willy Wonka? He's excessively pale, has a high voice, lures children to his factory, attempts to look like he has a freaky plastic face, lives a reclusive life in a fantasy land, wears bizarre clothes? It SCREAMS Michael Jackson. And I've already had my fill of Michael Jackson, I don't need to sit through a feature length film of Johnny Depp "cleverly" imitating him.

That whole rant was probably procrastination. I'm writing a story with Tina, it's a serial for a fan fic, so not the next great american novel or anything, but I would like to do a good job on it. But I have writer's block. It's kind of funny, because she hadn't written in awhile (we take turns) and I was all begging her to, or pestering her on some RP stuff, so I'd have something to do, and then I end up totally not writing for ages.

Last night my procrastination was web comics. It felt almost like being back working at the station. Anyway, I finished off my backlog of Alien Loves Predator (HILARIOUS, btw), and then moved onto Theater Hopper, which is basically about these people who watch way too many movies (...I'm aware of the irony) and fairly amusing, especially if you've seen a lot of said movies.

At the same time I was also reading Dinosaur Comics (with a slow browser it's good to read two different webcomics at a time, you read one while the other loads). About 1/4 of them are horribly boring, because the author will go into some complicated philosophy or scientific concept. About 1/4 of them are HILARIOUS because the author starts by going into some complicated philosophy or scientific concept, but ends in a total non-sequitur like, "I wish we'd never had a homosexual affair at all!" 1/2 of them relate to the T rex being a total jerk or some other random situation, and about half of them are funny and half not. So (for those that can't add), that means only 1/2 of the comic total is funny, but the funny ones were REALLY funny, so I found it worth it. Also amusing: the art is the same for every single comic, only the words change. You'd think it'd be boring, but I actually thought it made it funnier, because you just can't wait for the last panel where the T Rex is alone shouting something random. True story.

But when I saw a big black van run down a bird I had to think about you

--"Broken Record," The Refreshments

Watching Regis Philbin getting hit in the crotch alone is worth the rental price for Miss Congeniality II: Armed and Fabulous.

That is all.

These are my URL ABCs:

• A is for amazon.com/exec/obidos/subst/home/home.html/002-6418220-1820815
• B is for blogger.com
• C is for cheston.com/pbf/archive.html
• D is for dataangel.net
• G is for gmail.google.com
• H is for hotmail.com
• I is for imdb.com
• J is for kafkaesque.blogspot.com
• L is for livejournal.com/users/never1eighty/
• M is for meganlindholm.com/
• N is for nedresnikoff.com/blogger.html
• O is for oz.plymouth.edu/~pfmcnaught/weblog/blogger.html
• P is for phoemeister.blogspot.com
• R is for ryno.blogspot.com/
• S is for spamusement.com
• T is for terrace.blogspot.com
• W is for webmail.ilstu.edu

.....this is what I do when I'm bored.

Today, I was sitting around on the porch listening to Simon & Garfunkel, and it struck me that the only way I could be closer to living out The Graduate is for one of my parents friends to seduce me. Or if we had a pool.

Note to self: find more attractive friends for parents.

So my dad was making fun of me for having uber loud hiccups, and I decided to record the ensuing conver for posterity:

Me: Well maybe it's genetic!
Dad: I could catch it from you? (He has REALLY taken to heart that T shirt that says "insanity's heredity--I get it from my kids! It's his rebuttal for every bad quality my sister or I accuse him of giving us)
Me: that's not what genetic means.
Dad: Have you ever considered the possibility that you're a mutant?
Me: I hope not. "Loud hiccups" is a crappy mutant power.
Dad: Well... maybe you could sneak up on the bad guys and startle them.

..okay, it was a lot funnier when it actually happened.

Also, funny comic I found today: Alien Loves Predator

new comics in the "illustrations of search request" category. Warning: they're all awful. But what else would you expect from the purveyor of "stewardess in pantyhose" and "monkey gots a hockey stick," really?

It's not my finest hour, but I was bored.

the hate is growing in you, young Skywalker

I HATE this kid. Hate! Mostly because I want to be him. I actually bought a book that he wrote and got published at 14 years old awhile ago, and it came up in conversation with Tina tonight. I used to hate him because he was fourteen years old and has actually accomplished something so far, while I am 23 and am unemployed. But now that I found his site, I hate him because he's smarter and funnier than me too, and has a better social life on top of it. Tina further nourished the hate by remarking that he is probably already rich, too. Thanks, Tina! This is just like when I said I am deathly afraid of sharks and you told me they can swim in fresh water too!

Maybe it's TINA I hate. :P

Tina: the Velveeta commercial was just on where this old man throws this whole chunk of cheddar over his shoulder... I wish to beat this old man up
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: you have strong feelings about cheese
Phoemeister: I applaud that
Phoemeister: My favorite ad lately is the Sprint one where Donnie Osmond is talking to the phone guy, and being like, "With this plan, I can call my family all the time! And keep in touch with Marie, Jimmy, Tito--" and the phone guy's like, "Um, Donnie, you don't have a Tito." And Donnie's really sad and all, "No Tito?"
Phoemeister: True story.
Tina: nice

I want to fight
I want to fight
I want to prove I'm right

--"Forfeit," Chevelle

I took it because I saw "MIT" and was impressed. And thought I'd look smart if I had something saying MIT on my blog, too.

Next mission: find a survey from Harvard to take.