I am SO tired of my mom. She can make me feel guilty about the slightest thing. Tonight, she wanted to have ice cream for dinner.

Okay....insert mini-rant within the context of greater rant, right here: We couldn't go out to a chinese place on my birthday, because the sauces make her blood sugar go up to high, but she can have ice cream for dinner? For lunch Friday, a long-john. A long-john. With icing. And a filling. On top of a carbohydratey mass that's drowning in sugar anyway. Oh, and every time we go to Barnes and Noble, she has chocolate cake for lunch. The damn chinese food can't be that bad.

Okay.....back to main rant: I was like, "Ice cream for dinner?" I admit, by my tone, I was saying, "Eh..I'm not too interested in that." She acted like I sounded like, "Ice cream? Why the fuck would you want that?"

So then, Dad says we can do it anyway, and she's all like, "No, I don't want too anymore." Dad, being the smart one, leaves the room (i'm guessing) to let her cool off. I stay behind, to alieve my guilt by trying to convince her back into ice cream. "Mom," I say, "Why don't you want any ice cream anymore? We can still do that?"

"You always contradict me. No matter what I suggest, you have to say the opposite."

"Look," I say, "I just didn't want ice cream as a meal. I've kind of OD'd on easter candy, and didn't think a whole heap of ice cream on top of that would be that great. I didn't think before I spoke, I could easily just eat something before we leave, and get a smaller ice cream dish." This is true.

"No, no. I don't want ice cream anymore!" Basically "I want you to feel guilty. I want it to eat you up inside until you're just an empty husk that does whatever I say from now on." Alright, I'm overreacting. But, (this is a simplification of the argument, of course) the not wanting ice cream is an attempt to make me feel guilty. On purpose. No one ever says anything like that unless they want you to feel guilty. You wanted to do something, now all of a sudden you don't, the reason you don't anymore is you'd rather make the other person feel bad. Sometimes, you are genuinely too upset to want to go out anymore. But I'd barely said anything (the above "Ice cream for dinner?"), and all of the sudden she's "too upset for ice cream." Because I didn't jump up and shout hooray at the suggestion, she's "too upset."

My dad tried to tell me later, that she doesn't mean to guilt me, but the woman is a guilt factory. She is always saying things like I'll never say anything again. This family hates it when I speak up, I'll never say anything again. There is no way to say that without trying to make whoever you're talking too feel bad. I always want to be like, "Promise?" Or You people treat me so badly. I'm just going to go away and never come back, won't you feel happy. Or something like that. I know this will probably horrify mothers around the globe, but after awhile, it's hard to take anything she says like that seriously, and I tune it out in order to maintain my mental health.

What also kills me, is the aforementioned, "You always contradict me. No matter what I suggest, you have to say the opposite." Basically, I'm a jerk. Anyone who always contradicts someone for the hell of it or (more likely) just to make the other person feel bad is a jerk. My own mother thinks I'm a jerk. I'm an ass that didn't deserve to come out of her womb. You know, she used to ask me in grade school thru high school how I was going to get along in the world, what with how disrespectful I was...... I was the teacher's fucking pet. They loved me. Why? They treated me with respect, and I did likewise back. I may not be the best daughter in the world, but I don't suck as much as she thinks, and I'd suck even less than I do now if she wouldn't act like I'm the village fucking idiot/a real big jerk. I do not disagree with her unless I genuinely mean it, and just because I'm not her yes-man (yes-woman, even), it infuriates her.

Oh, and later, my dad talked to her: We went and had ice cream for dinner. Yea..... you're so upset.

Which Fellowship Actor are YOU?

We share everything.

Man. I just read the Communist Manifesto for history class this weekend. Weird stuff.

Like, some people I know already consider me a pinko (including my parents), because I'm always standing up for in theory communism, I think the domino theory was stupid as hell, and I argue that the commies actually improved many things in China from what they were pre-Mao, so I didn't exactly want anyone (my parents) seeing me cracking open the damn communist manifesto, but it was an assignment, so....

I actually find the Manifesto making me more against communism. For several reasons. But the one that surprised me the most: wife-swapping. Yes, you heard it first right here: Marx wanted us all to become swingers or something. Well, not exactly: he wanted to do away with marriage, because he didn't think proletarians could afford wives, and the burgeuois were all wife swapping in private, why not do it in the open? Yea...because in the 1800's, it was all about wife swapping........

Anyway, it greatly amuses me that no one ever told me the Communist Manifesto was like: "Workers of the world, unite! And maybe swap wives sometimes." And no one ever told me.

You are Civilian Calvin! You don't get to travel much outside your neighborhood, but you still manage to get in plenty of trouble. When you're not acting up, you like to wax philosophical. Take the What Calvin are You? Quiz by contessina_2000@yahoo.com!

What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

I'm not as well-endowed as that woman.

What is YOUR Highschool label?

Whatever. If geek were on there, I'd SO be a geek :D

take free enneagram test

You are Python. Sucks to be you. You lack the speed and power of C, and you lack the
lustre of everything else. And you're anal. Get a life already.

What programming language are you??

Goddammit. Four hours later, the beast wakes up.

And says, "Yea, I think I'm going to go to bed for the night, now." At nine forty five. She gives me holy hell if I want to go to bed at eleven and she isn't ready yet. Tell me this is fair. I'm so tired of the "napping" doublestandard. Next time I want to go to bed early, I'm SO citing this. "You went to bed at nine forty five. After a four hour nap. I had to stay quiet in the pitch dark, or go out to the lounge the entire day from six onward. So if you don't want to go to bed for another hour YOU can go to the damn lounge."

You'd think I'd be happy about going to bed early for once, but i just don't work that way. I have insomnia, and going to bed at the same time every day is hard enough. Trying to go to bed a whole heap earlier just means I'm sitting there in bed for a really long time. Staying up late all the time is torture, especially followed by a day you could go to bed really early, because you can't go to bed early. Your body just won't let you.

I know I'm passive agressive--I just got out a can of pop so I'll get up to piss in the middle of the night and wake her up. Yea, I know that's cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I'm REALLY pissed at my face right now, and don't think I can express it like a proper human being should. Because even if I do bring something up calmly and rationally, she is incapable of EVER admitting she's wrong. EVER. So I'm going to drink pop.

Man.....I need a life so bad. Staying in the hole 24/7 is about to drive me nuts. Partially, me and my roommate are starting to get on each others nerves. Amoung other things: the thing that I most need to vent about right now is the napping.

She naps constantly. I find this intrinsically annoying in the first place because 1) I have to be quiet, which kind of dictates my behavior, without being asked and 2) It has to be dark, and I'm a freak when it comes to light, I like it a lot, I don't like sitting around in the dark. And if I have to read, I have to go to the lounge.

She says, well, she'd do the same for me if I were napping. But I NEVER nap. I can't nap to save my life. Being an insomniac, I'd LOVE it if I could nap, it would make my life suck so much less. But if I say that, she brings up the fact that I used to be on this stomach pill that like, gives me narcolepsy or something. I'd nap CONSTANTLY. But come on.....I had narcolepsy. She could sit there and be as noisy as anything, and have the bright lamp aimed right at me, and I wouldn't stir.

But I am especially annoyed right now because 1) she's napping right now, because she stayed up late to do work (which keeps me up, urgh, and I can't make it back napping) because she didn't get it done earlier, because *surprise* earlier, she was napping. 2) She's mad at me right now for not being quiet enough, because I was eating earlier and making noise doing it, and typing. Well the eating, she can blow me on because she started her nap right after she knew I had gone down to get said food. And the typing, I'm selfishly doing anyway, because it's like the only contact to the outside world I have, and I paid for the network connection, and I can't very well do it anywhere else. Thankfully, she ostensibally yelled at me because opening the box with the ziploc bags to put the pizza away made noise, and I was able to be all like "it's not my fault." Instead of getting in a huge fight about how she's stupid for napping when she knows I'm going to come back with food, or why I'm selfish because I won't stop typing.

Really, this shouldn't irk me as much as it does. I NEED to get out. I NEED to make friends.

I've always been horrible at making friends. I didn't make friends with the people I went to Jr. High/High School until four years in. My theory is that I grow on people. They think I'm weird at first, but then after awhile they realize I'm pretty cool in my own odd way. But at college, I never get to know anyone well enough to realize that.

Except for people who have honors classes with me. But I hate to say this, seeing as how i'm an honors student, but most honors students are pricks and I hate them. While a regular person gets your dumb joke, and thinks it's dumb, and moves on, an honors student looks at you like you're a psychotic that needs to be strapped down and shot full of meds. Example: In honors psych weds, the teacher taught us about Little Albert, this baby who was conditioned to be afraid of rats by this psychologist (in the 20's, before there were laws against this sort of thing :P). We were supposed to come up with our own example of conditioning, and as a joke, I started out with, "First, we buy a baby on the black market......"

People looked at me like I was a monster, like I buy infants all the time, like I have 8 in my closet at home. Honors people always do that to me when I make a joke they don't get/like.

And when people do that to me, I get desperate. Even though I hate these people and don't want to talk to them, I actually start desperately trying to make them laugh. And when I get like that, my jokes really aren't funny, not even to me. I found myself reduced to alluding to the Wang Chung song today. Then, someone didn't know what that was, and I actually found myself sort of singing it for this girl. Then, it was in my head after that, and I said "gee, wang chung's in my head." This other girl icily responded, "Well you just sang it." as if I was too stupid to realize WHERE I got it from. It made me SO mad. I didn't even want to get onto Wang Chung in the first place, I just couldn't help myself...... Bleh........

God, I'm so bored I could kill myself. And doesn't it say something about our culture when our biggest problem is being bored? There's some kid in africa right now, I'm sure, being eaten alive with some flesh eating virus right now, and I'm "bored." I feel guilty when I'm bored. Not only for the aforementioned, but I also feel like I'm pissing away my life, like future me will be really jerked off at now me, because now me could've done anything, but now me decided to sit around and bitch about being bored, instead of coming up with something interesting to do. And now me IS jerked off at past me for not doing anything, but now me isn't doing anything either.

God, I need to get friends. Or something.

Awww, I'm pissed, hurt, what have you--I did that "rate my blog" thing on Troubled Youth, and someone voted that they hated it. (only vote so far, if there were some good ones to balance it out, I might be more mollified) I feel personally attacked (prolly why I don't have a rate me on this blog)! With all the n'sync loving, couldn't write if they channeled William Shakespeare, 14 year old girl blogs, Troubled Youth belongs on the bottom? Even if it sucks, at least we're original, dammit!

Heh...I corrupted another friend to join, it though, and I respect his taste more than some random blog-reader. So ha!

Your Viking Name is...
Koko the Orang-outan
Your Viking Personality: Koko smart! Koko click on button! Koko even type on typing-place! Koko still Orang-outan, though, and Vikings no let Orang-outan play. Maybe if Koko come back in next life as human, Koko can play Viking game.


Hmm... I am a slow monkey.

Uh, go to British Nutter's website if you want the link to the viking name quiz.

Hell yea!

Please, please, please visit my new site (yea, I know I have too many already), Troubled Youth. To tell you what it's about, I thought I'd just rip off the entire "About" page from it, and post it here. So, here we go:

Welcome to Troubled Youth.

• About This Site
  We put up post it notes in public places. Smarmy comments, social critism, witty observations--most anything. We sign them "Troubled Youth." This website is about:
  
  1. documenting these notes
  
  
  2. trying to make it catch on



• How it Works
  The authors of this blog: post on what we've posted up.
  Readers: post (perhaps to the guestbook, we've not worked the mechanism out yet) what they've posted.
  Frequent Posters: are invited to join the blog
  Rules: We say what the post-it said, and the location, and any explanations needed.
  Pictures: might be accepted, we're thinking of a post-it photo gallery



• How it Started/Why We Do This

I, I have to admit, am a no-good punk. To cheer me up on my depressing 20th birthday, I decided to engage in some mindless vandalim. Of course, the whole floor was charged for my actions, which led to a certain amount of backlash, though thankfully none of my floormates realized it was me. I appear quite mild-mannered to the untrained eye.

A couple weeks later, however, I noticed something that irked me. Spanish Graffiti! Yes, some other graffit-er had molested one of our stalls, and went unpunished! So, I decided to get my smart-ass groove on, and graffiti under the new graffiti about un-equal treatment. But, since that would only lead to more floor charges (punishing the other people on my floor for what I had done), I decided instead to go with a post it note. So, without further ado: the very first Troubled Youth post-it:



I am shocked and hurt that _my_ graffiti (ISU means I screwed you) is singled out for punishment, while the Spanish graffiti goes ignored.--Troubled Youth



The post it was torn down in less than a day, but it didn't matter. Posting made me feel alive, man. Me and a friend decided to sustain this high (and corrupt others) we would create: TROUBLED YOUTH: THE WEBSITE. And...possibly some tie-in merchandise, to make money.


• About The Authors
  
  • 69: Bathroom Stall Graffit-er, lover of graffiti, Pez Dispensers, Rock, and Post-It Notes
  
  
  • 13: Disturbing Ho of Snork, lover of boys with nipple rings, Polaroids, Rock, and Post-It Notes



• PLEASE LINK TO US
  This site will really suck if it turns out to be just 13 & I's posts. We want to make it a movement. So if you enjoy our site/theory at all, or are even just a particularly charitable person, link us (http://troubledyouth.blogspot.com).

My friend and I are going to start a grass roots movement.

It started with me putting a post-it note up in the bathroom, signed, "Troubled Youth."

It captured my friend's imagination, so now she's going to go around putting post-its, signed, "Troubled Youth."

If other people start doing that, it'd blow my MIND. Anyway, I'm going to start doing it, and documenting them here. If anyone else starts doing it, Email me about it.

I couldn't leave well enough alone, so I headscrewed "Chadd" again today. I have to say, it doesn't work as well a second time. Maybe he's heard of the old adage, "Headscrew me once on AIM, shame on you. Headscrew me on AIM twice, shame on me." Oh well, still some fun. And props to my best bug for coming up with the cheesy SN I used for this.

DontBRash: Hey, when you put in your order, you forgot to tell me how many tubes you wanted. Most people only need one of our economy size tubes, but it sounds like your problem has been going on for some time....

Chadd: ?

DontBRash: The rash ointment you ordered....

Chadd: Umm...what?

DontBRash: You called up my company, and ordered some of our X-Tra Tuff(TM) rash ointment

Chadd: Uhh, who are you? Cause that is an absolute lie

DontBRash: My name's Jack. From Boroleum. [Rash Ointment Website I found. Piggle Sniff thinks its sad I actually "researched"] You called and ordered some rash ointment. You said you're online all the time, so if we needed to call you, to just IM you instead. You forgot to tell us how much of our ointment you need.

Chadd: Ok this is starting to piss me off, who the fuck are you people constantly bugging me about threesomes and rashes? I haven't talked to any fucking person online

DontBRash: Well, you specified economy size. But not how many tubes

Chadd: I'm about to specify yours and your friends harassment to the police

DontBRash: ??? What are you trying to pull, Mister. I'm from a legitimate, rash-ointment selling company. I love my job. That's why I have this screen name. I'd have Boroleum, but it's already taken
DontBRash: http://www.boroleum.com/ordering.htm

Here's our website
DontBRash: You're going to report me to the police? For following up on a rash-ointment order?

Chadd: No, because your buddies refuse to stop harassing me

DontBRash: I should report YOU to the police for harrassing ME, buddy
DontBRash: What buddies?

Chadd: lol leave me the hell alone

DontBRash: I think I will! I hope that rash turns into a flesh eating virus, and you die. Good bye, and never call Boroleum again! From now on, you're on the rash ointment blacklist! Heaven help you if you ever get a rash, because you'll never be able to buy ointment in this town again!

A comment of a friend's just made me think: I should start having testimonials. Like "Phoemeister helped me through my difficult divorce." "Phoemeister helped me regrow my hair." "Phoemeister reunited me with my long lost biological father."

Or, as my friend said:

"Yeah...My world just comes crashing down around me when I don't get my nightly dose of Sohophoeliciousphoechandphoemeisterdumbassslowmonkey-chan. =P"

Ha, I get more oral sex donations than Sniffle Piglet. Just had to gloat. And also, sniffle piglet, if you're reading this: you won't get this site, cause it's in spanish, but I thought you'd enjoy the title.

Addendum to the note I left about the spanish graffiti: It was torn down in less than a day. I thought of writing an outraged note about that, but I figured I'd inflicted my sense of humor on the floor enough already, so I'm done.

Okay--first off: annoyed. For some reason, my computer is set that the "tab" key, instead of tabbing things, is opening other windows I have minimized. I have no idea how it got that way, but it's sooo annoying, as I am used to using tab for it's express purpose: tabbing.

Secondly--what I got on to blog about in the first place: I've had my first ever block on AIM. I found out about it a couple days ago (actually it's been in effect for a long time, but I was too oblivious to realize) that this guy blocked me, but I've forgotten to blog about it until now.

Anyway, I think it's hilarious. I didn't even do anything to the guy, just agreed with his girlfriend that she should dump him, for reasons both of them knew already. Anyway, what I find hilarious is that up until now, I've never been blocked before. With the amount I headscrew on AIM, this is what I get blocked for?

Oh, and happy: figured out how to do my ACS assignment. So yay!

Then we had our meeting. Which.... was me an the one guy for 50 minutes, then another guy showed up, and the first one went down for a smoke, and then ten minutes of awkward conversation with the other, then coming home.

But then, me and a high school friend (she's back here for spring break) went out to see showtime. It was good, yay. I'm glad Robert De Niro's continueing to do comedies, I loved meet the parents. My sister's fiancee has a theory that he plays the same person in every movie, but the situation he's in makes the difference between whether it's a comedy or a drama. I couldn't say, having only seen one serious De Niro movie, The Score. Which, was pretty lame. It was billed as having all these twists and turns...... Ocean's 11 had more twists and turns, man.

A little annoyed, though: High school friend has picked up a lot of my quirky mannerisms. (Not annoyed at that, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery) What annoys me is she says lots of people she know thinks they're cute. No one thinks they're cute on me. Except for like the 4 people I was friends with in high school. No one here thinks I'm that great. Except my roommate. Bleh....

You know, lately I've noticed spanish graffiti in one of the bathroom stalls.

And I'm wondering: They made such a big deal about my graffiti, but they haven't said ANYTHING about the spanish graffiti.

I mean, I know ISU likes to say how it's all about diversity, but I'd doubt they'd take it to the extent of accepting Spanich graffiti while rejecting english graffiti.

I was thinking about writing (in permanent marker) under the Spanish graffiti, "Hey, how come we have to pay for MY graffiti, but not the Spanish graffiti?" but that would inevitably lead to more floor charges. I am however, toying with the idea of writing it on a post-it note and put it up there, but we'll see if I feel like it. My ACS project is sapping my will to live right now, so I'm kind of busy with that.

Update: I went ahead and did option 2. So now, there's an index card taped under the Spanish graffiti that says: "I am shocked and hurt that _my_ graffiti (ISU means I screwed you) is singled out for punishment, while the Spanish graffiti goes ignored. It was liberating.

"Hot like wasabi when I'm next to your body"

Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? I'm sooooo excited!

On one of my free days in England, there's a Greenday/No Doubt/Sum 41 concert, and Wanda's going to score us tickets! I'm so excited! It'll only be the third concert I've ever been to, and the first two sucked!

Though I am a bit worried I won't like it--I have a feeling that I don't get concerts, from the first two I went to. Because everyone there liked them, but I didn't that much.
But Wanda will be there, so that'll rock. She's one of my best friends ever, though we've never met.

I hope No Doubt and Greenday will go more old skool than new skool. (I like some of greenday's new singles, but I only own Dookie and Nimrod and I'm not all that fond of Nimrod. And no offense to anyone, but "Hey Baby" sucks ass, and the only No Doubt I have is Tragic Kingdom though I like all the singles off of Return of Saturn.

I wonder if this museum has anything on snow penises

Comments I have uttered in the last 24 hours:

"Oooh, here's another type of staple remover I can kill myself with!"

"It's like a circus, but with whoring."

By the way, www.jesuschristsuperstore.net is hilarious.



Messiah throwing nails is sick, but I'm sick too, so I have to laugh.

(link stolen from Maybe God is Always Angry

"Chloroform the one, the one that you love"

Man...I'm posting so many short, nonsensical posts. This is because i'm SO bored, and DON'T want to get started on the ACS assignment that makes me cry.

I'm surfing other people's journals too. Man there's a lot of crap out there :P But I'm among the aforementioned crap, so I guess I can't complain :P

I think when I try, I can write interestingly. But other times I like to take a whole heap of online tests and post them on here. Or quotes!

But this isn't about you. It's about me. And it's an outlet for the festering rage that threatens to consume me and everything I ever loved. So step off, yo!

"I've been between myself for days."

Note to self: GET THAT PHOTO OF THE ROBERT G. BONE HAND OF FRIENDSHIP GIVING THE FINGER SCANNED IN

"I'm not crazy because I take the right pills, every day and rest."

Now I have comments. Comment on something!

"Am I right?
Am I right?
I'm lonely and I'm right
Yea, I'm lonely and I'm right..."

Welp, 5-2 in favor of the old format. I'm going back........now!

I'm depressed as hell right now.

I. ACS project

A. It's a group project. I hate group projects, I'm such a control freak.

1. Not only that, this particular project, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing. This is an HTML class, and we're supposed to do this online tutorial on how to merge documents in Excel and word. Well, they teach us HTML, but not how to do what we're doing the tutorial for.
2. I picked the ONE part of the project (inserting mail-merge fields) that doesnt' seem to be in any of the built in microsoft help topics. This sucks
3. The guys in my group are all like, "this'll be easy, we can bang it out by tomorrow." So I'm going to look like the stupid one/slacker. Ghhh

B. Now that I'm an ACS minor, I'm going to have lots of group projects

II. The Future

All jobs within my field will be automated by the year 2006

III. Lovelife

Right now, I'm helping a friend with the HTML for a webpage with photos from the wedding of the only guy who has ever expressed any interest in me. And I never even met him in person.

I want to cry. Especially as my Psych term paper is due soon, and everything I need is on Mic-ro-smegging-fiche. That means that after I'm done looking up the citations for them on the internet, I have to use the citations to find them in our library, read thru them on microfiche, and hand copy the pertinate info, because you can't print microfiche.

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

No psycho slayer is going to get between you and your right to life. You're an ass-kicker, a charge taker, and if need be, a monster masher. You're level-headed in sticky situations, you trust yout instincts, and you're not afraid to get a little dirty while getting the job done. Simply put, you rock! But don't get carried away. Even though your little brother might act like a creep sometimes, you definately shouldn't be driving stakes through his heart!

Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty

ha, I got the same as the ho. Wasn't even trying. Well, except to avoid being Gewn Stefani

I'm Jubilation Lee
What X-Men Character are You?

I am bad. So bad. I absolutely hate people and animals. In fact, I probably sacrifice them. No one likes me, but of course it isn't my fault. I should just go back to New York because I am a corrupt Jesus.


Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz

"geek-babes" i'd be

# 1 Fil & Andrea
# 2 Johnny Rotten [Sex Pistols vocalist]
# 3 Gwen Stefani [of No Doubt]
# 4 Mouse [of The Matrix]
# 5 Doug [of the cartoon Doug]

So, which Fraggle ARE YOU most like? Click here to find out.

PG-13

Now we're getting somewhere - your actions are
now past pre-teen level, and you're beginning to
display some more mature content in your life

"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

I'm Joey Tribbiani from Friends!

Take the Friends Quiz here.

created by stomps.

HREF="http://www.collecting-dust.net/quiz2.html" target="_blank">

If I were a nirvana song:

# 1 smells like teen spirit
# 2 i hate myself and want to die
# 3 tourettes
# 4 something in the way
# 5 plateau

Rockers I was in a past life:

# 1 Janis Joplin
# 2 Shannon Hoon
# 3 Jimi Hendrix
# 4 Kurt Cobain
# 5 Bradley Nowell
# 6 Jim Morrison
# 7 John Lennon
# 8 Sid Vicious

Break open the champagne! Your rockstar boyfriend is Kurt Cobain You and Kurt Cobain are a match made in heaven! You're both very creative people, and have put your creative juices to the test writing music or the occasional painting. You love a guy that isn't afraid to be himself, and both enjoy hanging out with good friends and checking out local bands.
So far 234893 people have taken the rockstar boyfriend test, and 31314 other people were Kurt Cobain in a past life.

Rockstar Boyfriend Quiz

I hope this doesn't make me courtney love, or a necrophiliac.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

I ended up with screech the first time...


Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Which 1980's Hair Band Are You?

Which British Band Are You?

Ha ha, the ho hates them, but I like them. Well, what I've heard of them :P

Which Travis Member Are You?

Didn't fiddle with this one. I like all Travii

Which John Cusack Are You?

aww, it's the one I wanted

(because I fiddled around with my answers because I didn't want to be the guy from High Fidelity)

Blah...I have a psych research paper to do.

But I mostly pissed today away, in terms of that.

How come it's only my second day back from spring break, and I'm already tired again.

Roommate is going psycho..... She has a houseplant now, and was sick over break, and never watered it, and it's looking a bit sickly. I said, maybe it was because it didn't get any sunlight, not the water aspect, because she has it over where it's hard to pull the drapes open that far, and even when they are, there's a opaque part right there. She got SO mad at me..... I don't know if she thought it was some oblique comment on how I like the curtains open, and how she closes them more, or what, but she was totally mad. I'm getting tired of living with her, because I never know when I'm going to hit one of these landmines, there's never any warning.

And I took this one just for the hell of it (and on the off chance I'd get Ewan, which I didn't), because I've never seen Trainspotting.


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Which Grunge Band Are You?

I got Hole first, and went back to fiddle with my answers until I got nirvana ;)

Oh, I'm kind of semi-excited. I think I might've made a friend on my floor. She said hi, and we ended up talking, and she said she likes the music I blast out into the hallway, which I think is cool. She's also from Alton, IL, "The most haunted place on the Mississippi." How cool is that? Though it can't compare with where I live, "The Birthplace of the Steakburger." And she's overly into England like me, too.

In fact, I'd jsut come back from a meeting about my trip to england. We watched a video on the London Underground. Only it was disconcerting, because I kept getting "Underground" by Ben Folds Five in my head. Just like Philosophy class is disconcerting, because I get "Philosophy" by ben folds five in there. Only, I don't go to philosophy class. This is largely because the woman reads her handouts out loud in class every day.

"The plan was to burn up where the air is clear
we'd all wear our visors down
an arcwelder's spark in the atmosphere
not this man-sized hole in the ground
And I never even get to go down, down in flames...."

I also found some other interesting stuff. Like...if I search Phoe Phoe-chan, I get a link to my blog--the archive of the post where I'm talking about puking in front of the bookstore. Yea...that's what I want to be known for :P

The rest of the links for phoe phoe-chan: 12 year old Anime enthusiasts. That's what I get for having a -chan on my name.

I'm top for most of my nicknames: good.

Of the four links that show up when I do a search on my proper name: 2 are ACS assignments I've done, 1 is a page that lists me as an honorable mention in a scholastic bowl tournament that was at LEAST two years ago :P Last one: Some wooster history thing, it frightens me a bit.

Results for a search on "Gavin McLeod," the name of my RPG character:

Many for this one guy who apparently had that name and played captain of the loveboat
Many by this one Gavin who writes on UFO's

and the two funniest:

An entry in a guestbook:

Name: Gavin McLeod
Comments: If anyone has a chance, could you look around over by the where the grills were. I lost my clarinet reed. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was by the grills.

I went and posted my own comment:

Name: Phoe
Comments: I did a random search on the name Gavin McLeod, because it's one of my RPG characters names, and came up with your page. I sure hope the poor guy finds his clarinet reed.

the other funny blurb:

Submitted date: 06/26/98 23:54:17
I usually login as Amis
In the real(?) world, I'm called Gavin Mcleod
I'm 25 years old.
Sexually, I'm of a Vorlon persuasion.
Sign: psi corps
My stomping grounds are texas
When I can tear myself away from the chat room, I work as a wanderer
No, I'm not married.

He's still single??????

Sorry, that's mean. With all the RPing I do, I can't critisize :P

AND, she has a photo of Sport Jesus up. If only I had thought of that....

Maybe there should be an angry white girl webring or something :P We could be a category in Altavista, me and my doppleganger....

Wah....I'm so depressed. There is another angry white girl weblog. AND she has her own domain. And she's angrier than me. Or else has a dirtier mouth. Frankly, I'm ashamed.

And, she's cooler than me because:

1) She's got a subtitle. No dumb "Angry White Girl Blog" she's "Angry White Girl: Angst, Lust, and General Bitchery."
2) She's got a picture of someone giving the finger. I plan to put up a picture of the finger. Given by the "Robert G. Bone Hand of Friendship," but a finger's a finger!
3) She says she gets most of her material from her parents. I get most of my material from my parents! I even refer to it as material!
4) Her AIM is angrywhitegirl. I wish MY AIM were angrywhitegirl!

Pluses? I think I got here first, her archives only go back to 2002. Nyah nyah!

What Pattern Are You?

according to the laziness test at TheSpark.com, I am:

82% Lazy

people lazier than you (8%)
people just as lazy as you (1%)
people less lazy than you (90%)

Okay....creepy..... I must not have gone with my real instincts the first time, because I picked different colors, and this one's much more accurate:

You are the sort of person that needs a sense of Harmony in your life and surroundings if you are to function at full potential. You instinctively avoid people and situations that generate either conflict or stress, partly because in the past you seem to have had far more than your fair share of both. Wisely, you seem to have taken the decision to control the pattern and parameters of your life - both in the present and in the unfolding Future. You are a very sensitive person - and if other persons could connect with this it would be to their advantage and your well-being.

Being impulsive and irritable, your desires and needs are paramount. You do things with insufficient thought - with little regard to the consequences that may follow. As a consequence of this attitude, you may be experiencing stress and conflict.

Matters are not progressing as well as you would have hoped and you are having to make concessions but you still believe that your goals are realistic - it's just that people can't seem to see your point of view. You know what you want but you'll only accept suggestions under duress.

Whatever has caused the situation...you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord...you are like the tide,.. flotsam and jetsam...One minute you experience "highs" and a few moments later "lows". This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and it is the demanding attitude, the ideal state you desire, is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you...and you find it difficult to listen to, or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle, and you strive to ally yourself with others of similar tastes.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from a close and harmonious relationship.

Hmm.... here's my profile. Not sure whether it's very accurate or not. Some parts are truer than others.....



You are tending to pursue your objectives with concentrated intensity and it would seem that whatever obstacles may come into your path - you will stick to your guns and will not allow yourself to be deflected from your purpose. You are striving to achieve recognition and what is more - you deserve it

You are open to suggestion and prepared to try anything once. You "need to be needed" and what is perhaps more important ... you "need to need." You can only feel close to a person or persons when you feel you can trust them ... but this trust needs to be proven to you before you will commit yourself.

We are all conditioned by our environment...and as such we respond to peoples perception of ourselves...but you feel that conditions are not right at this time...You are experiencing certain reservations that are precluding you to develop a particular relationship, business-wise or personal, that is being offered...It is 'make your mind up time'...The decision is all yours... but whatever decision you make...it will be the right one.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all ... The existing situation is not of your liking. You have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others ... and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of "total surrender". This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome; You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able can you maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence "you need to be needed" ... and at the same time... .."you need to need".

You really like doing what you do and more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that "If its not fun - then don't do it" You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but , for what you are.. and it seems to be working..


Colorgenics

Kind of mad--Monica never called back. So instead of her whore, I'm her cast off, penniless whore.

Oh, and don't forget bitter. I'm very bitter.

In AIM form, as I told it to another, cos I don't want to type it again, even though in my haste I spelled some crap wrong:

Why am I pissed at my mom?

She got all on my case for having one stinking piece of string cheese after dinner, saying I was going to get fat and then all nagging me "aren't my dinners good enough? I'm not going to cook anymore if this is what I get." THEN, earlier she all wanted me to turn my music down (because she was in the kitchen listening to her LOUD tv because she's going deaf, and the kitchen is near the living room where I was and apparently the music was annoying her, but I FREAKING GOT THERE FIRST, and she asked me to turn it down like hours later, so what was her problem before? And, I had to have it up that loud so her stupid TV wouldn't distract me, because music helps me study, and the only other place I can do it while listening to music is my bedroom, and I always fall asleep then
Phoemeister: so anyway, the woman gets annoyed at me for leaving stuff lie around, so after dinner she was pissed at me for leaving my crap there, but the only reason I left it there was because she forced me out of the living room so quickly in the first place

I saw her kicking my scrunchy, and asked her not to kick my stuff, and she all was like telling me I was hassling her and wouldn't leave her alone and crap, but I told her she was haslling me, but she kept interupting to HASSLE ME, so obviously it takes two to argue



So mad at the woman.... She makes living with her impossible. Yesterday she was all on my back to clean everything (hence my crap lying around being part of a sore subject). She told me to clean all my crap I had lying around the family room and living room, and she all started in on how I wasn't that messy before I started living with my current roommate, and how I should clean my room too, it's a pig sty and how that's gotten worse since I got my roommate and her messy ways rubbed off on me.

What the HELL? My parents have been calling my room a pig sty all my life. Where the hell does she get off blaming yet another thing on my roommate/ She doesn't like anyone my sis or I get close to. She hates sis's fiancee, thinks sis's fiancee is STEALING sis from her, convinced that sis's last boyfriend's mom wanted to steal sis. Liked my old roommate (that I hated), but is constantly picking on my new one (that I like) about the most bizarre things.

1) Moving was roommate's fault. Then, when I finally yelled at her enough that she knew better than to say it to me anymore, blamed my standing up to her on Zoloft. Geez, she couldn't possibly be WRONG ever, huh?
2) Roommate kept her stereo that we BOTH used, on my side because I had room, and she didn't. Mother was always making comments on that.
3) And now this. She KNOWS my room is a mess and I only occaisionally clean it, and it's good for awhile, and gets crappy again. Right now: not even the worst it's ever been, even recently. It was AWFUL before I cleaned it christmas break. At least there's a path right now. And I'm 20. It's an awful transparent power trip to make me ("if you don't do it before you leave, I will." Of course going through all my private crap as she goes), at 20 years old, clean my room, which I'm pretty sure she hasn't made me in years. All because she's got some bee in her bonnet or up her ass or something. She's being a real jerk.

And school sucks too. I'm getting sick of living with my roommate, too. I need my own damn room, I'm tired of being called a control freak because I don't like to stay up later than 12 on weeknights, especially when I think SHE'S the damn control freak for 1) Never letting me listen to my music out loud, no matter what she's doing, no matter how soft I have it 2) Making me close the damn drapes every damn time she has to change (which is surprisingly often) because there is NO freaking way even the most dedicated of pervs can see us undress anyway, and it's a pain to do the drapes, and it's dark inside then, and after I pull them she dawdles FOREVER before letting me open them again. 3) Pretty controling about the TV. Won't let me watch Star Trek. Makes fun of me for liking star trek. The woman only owns like every piece of Harry Potter paraphanalia ever invented, went to the movie opening night (stood me up opening night) wearing a Harry Potter hat. And won't let me make fun of her.

So, yes. I DO think YOU're an ASS and don't want to share the same house with you, and YOU're an ANAL CONTROL FREAK, and I wouldn't mind sharing a house or appartment or something with you, but living in a tiny hamster cage sized dorm room with you is HELL. Though you're better than the AIM freak who used to keep me up till 4, but I do feel nostalgic the way she let me play my music once in awhile.

I'm kind of in a general depression lately. I'm home for spring break, and it sucks. But then, school isn't much better... I compare the two, but just get depressed.

1. Food. You'd at least think the food would be better at home. Nope. Since I don't wake up early enough for breakfast, I only get two meals a day, half of them being, the last three days: Spam. And now we're out of spam. School: I eat bagel, this one chicken sandwich, and potato bar and a smoothie almost every day. I should start taking vitamins.

2. Activities. Computer-dial up internet, the network connection at home has spoiled me. Plus my mom's on all the time. Music-usually I can listen forever, but haven't felt like it since I've gotten home, not that I have a huge selection since most of my cd's are at school. TV-no cable, like at school. Pluses: no.....errr.....less..... homework. Yes, the bastards assigned me work over break. Minuses: NO ONE to hang out with, unless you count the mother I actively avoid. I spend my days in a stupor. Not even getting money, I wasn't good enough to be Monica's whore over break apparently.

3. Social Life: accidntly covered that in activities.

I have to wonder what the point of my life is, really. I don't do anything there, I don't do anything here, and I hate it both places... Though the school will actually cook for me. That's unfair... I think I'm at the point where mom would let me cook if I actually made an effort, which I don't. I'm just like "well, there's still spam in the pantry somewhere...." And girl scout cookies. I've eaten a decent amount of girl scout cookies.

I was once a girl scout, y'know.

I stayed up till four in the morning last night.

That's what I get for reading a book with a serial killer in it the night before. How stupid am I? I KNOW that kind of crap freaks me out. I was just hoping they'd find the missing kids, I guess. Very disturbing book, Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card--if you ever plan to read the book, skip this post, because I'm giving away the ending.

This book gives me reason to be glad I don't want kids. Not only does the family's oldest kid get killed by a serial killer at the end, they've been living in this location for less than a year and: their little girl almost got molested, the kid that DID get killed was (psychologically) tortured for almost a whole school year by the psychotic second grade teacher, a crazy guy started hanging out naked outside of their house and got enough time alone with their second kid to have done something to him, their youngest is born with nervous defects that they don't even have any idea what they are, someone sends them a threatening letter, this crazy woman at the church starts having visions about the family and accosts one of the kids.....

I have enough troubles making sure no psycho does something to me, I' mvery glad I'll never have a little helpless person I'll have to keep safe, because it's impossible. Especially when they get big, and don't want your help. I guess that's kinda why my mom smothers me.... but I didn't get killed by a serial killer yet, so maybe she's done a good job.

Oh, and the MOST disturbing part of the book: none of the obviously crazy people (naked psycho, religious lady, child molester--also especially creepy because he never got caught, and is wandering around offering to babysit for people, psycho teacher--though I think it's sad no one discovered she was psycho for so long) was the one that killed him. It was this harmless old guy, and no one could tell...

And then, they decided to stay there. If they were real kids, I would feel sorry for their remaining ones....

I got this from Freelove, and I have to laugh:

And also, I have to plug my friend's new online Advice Column. She really needs people to go over there and ask her questions, otherwise it's kind of pointless. So go to:

ASK MINERVA

Now!

Oh, and for a class, I looked up the job outlook for the jobs I want with my Mass Communication major? And they're all like....."due to increasing automation.....you won't have a job when you graduate, sucker! NO jobs for you." Very depressing, if I do say so myself.

Oh, and according to this daydream thing we had to do in career choice, I'm going to live near London, and my workplace is going to be well-lit, and I'm going to have one of those short japanese tables where you sit on pillows instead of chairs.

Gah, I HAVE to blog about my stupid history midterm.....

First, the prof is a HARD grader, and almost made me hyperventilate by saying how far we were supposed to be at certain times, and I wasn't there, but then I ended up getting done early from rushing so much, and couldn't relaly go back and fix anything. My only consolation is my handwriting's horrible when I'm in a hurry, and the poor bastard has to read like 5 or 6 pages of it. Still have the other half, the part I was REALLY dreading, and still am dreading, on fri.

Plus, this guy just really makes me worry, because there's only two other grades in the entire class, and the first one I only got a 91 on, but was in the top five of the class, he's tight with grades. AND, I only got that 91 because I accidently heard the due date wrong, and got it done a week early, and MADE him read it and make comments (he didn't really want to), and I made extensive revision and I'm a pretty good writer anyway. What's he going to do to me on this midterm? I SWEAR we have a whole hour to answer one essay question next class period, and he's given us the questions, and they're so general I can't study for them properly, and I can't make a decent essay in one class period, and if he's giving us the whole class period, he must expect it to be decent.

It reminds me of this one teacher I had in highschool that I despised. The tests we'd take would be part objective, part one long essay. And it was an english class, so they cared about structure and style, but you had hardly any time to write the damned thing. (I don't mind writing essays if all they care about is the content, because I can SO spew out the proper content. But if they want it to be all pretty, after spewing it out right on the spot, they're psycho). So I'd get an A on all the other questions, but I'd flunk the essay, because the witch didn't happen to like my writing style (I HAVE had a few english teachers that actually do appreciate my writing, so I think she was just picky). So I'd get a C or D on the test, even though I'd KNOW what I was doing. I'm afraid this dude will do the same thing to me.....

Heh, after awhile, I didn't care anymore and would do half the essay on whatever it was sposed to be, and the other half an essay on why she shouldn't do this to us. She didn't appreciate that, though. I don't think this guy would either.

heh, and I'm sposed to be writing a philosophy essay right now (I haven't done any of the reading it's based on yet either) but I'd rather blog.

OH, and honors societies = extortionists. 60 dollars to join one, 40 dollars for another...... I really need to join some crap to pad my lame-ass resume, but I'm pooor, I'm a pooor college student saving up to go to England. Why the hell do they need to pump us for cash, we're already paying to go to damn college, I'm just lucky my parents are footing that bill.... But I'd think a lot of people are as broke as I am, or more so...... wah..

that is all.

I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger Bard


Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of
good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do
whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is
considered 'normal'.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are
generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic,
easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities
that other races frequently conccern themselves with. Elves are, effectively,
immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass
on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the
elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing,
dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money.
They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and
autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her
followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements
of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they
are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?

I'm depressed..... Trying to do two papers due tomorrow, a midterm tomorrow (with sucky questions and a prof stingy with good grades), a paper due friday....... And the main problem is I just can't make myself do it. I despise this crap. I tried to take a nap, but people kept interupting me.

Take the Monopoly Piece Quiz!

I'm tired. And I'm hungry. And I want to go home.

Know how tired I am? The guy at the potato bar today was like, "You look tired. Are you tired?" and I was like "yes."

And I'm depressed. I've been wanting to get up the nerve to talk to this guy in my Psych class for awhile, and I blew like two really good openings!

1) Some girl he was talking to was like "I'm tired." I wanted to be like, "You think you're tired? The guy at the potato bar today noticed I was tired, and said so." That would've been a witty comment, right? But I didn't want to like, interupt, and there was a video on, and I didn't want to draw the prof's attention to myself, especially since not five minutes before I was badgering the git because he wouldn't give me a point on a test that I DESERVE. DESERVE! but that's another story. Just believe me, i deserve it.

2) Then, at one point, he meowed. Out of nowhere. That's something I'd do. I was going to make a fart noise back, because I've been perfecting my fart noises in private with my roommate, because they come in handy as addendums to IBS jokes...... But I figured the prof would catch me. I mentioned it later to my roommate, and she said I should've woofed. If only I'd thought of woofing in time.

Yea, I'm a loser to obsess over this, but I REALLY need to start talking to people, I'm pretty sure my not talking to them is why I have hardly any friends and no guys interested in me. D'oh