Gah. The 'phew's one year birthday party today. So you know it was a bunch of grownups sitting around talking about boring grownup things. Though actually my sister somehow ended up with a few friends that all had babies around the same time, so they brought their babies, so that made it slightly less pathetic, only all the other babies are slightly older and were running around playing with the 'phew's old toys while the 'phew was forced to sit and entertain the adults by sitting with my sister as she opened his gifts. And then there was the obligitory "oh, the baby got cake all over," bit, which the 'phew was rather half hearted about. Everyone crowded around to get pictures, though!

Really, I like the 'phew. But I have no maternal instincts whatsoever, it sucks. Whereas usually I'm doing things any human being would know how to do, and my Mom gives me unnecessary instructions like I'm an idiot, when I end up doing anything with the 'phew, they just hand him to me and act all surprised when I don't know what to do with him. Newsflash: the 'phew is the only baby I've ever had any experience with, and that experience is rather slim because every time you give him to me he cries and you immediately take him back and berate me for not psychically knowing what he wants, thus giving me no time to build up experience in knowing what he wants.

Plus, whenever they give him to me, it's because everyone else is too busy. So when people are busy, they're moving around and being interesting, and he doesn't care about what I'm trying to do, he wants to ditch boring Aunt Phoe and be where the action is. Then when he cries, they berate me and are like, "You should let him crawl like he wants!" Well he's going to crawl straight to you guys, and you told me to keep him out of your way! Make up your damn mind!

At this rate, the only way I'm going to get him to like me is lots and lots of candy when he's old enough for it.

Oh, and also back to the old boring grown-up things, I just have to say: grown up people parties suck. Maybe if it were MY grown up people party it wouldn't suck because I'd know the people, but my sister's grown up people parties are like my mom dragging us in early so we can help set up, and then making us be like the last ones to leave even though we don't know anyone else and the actual "activities" were done ages ago, and it's just people we don't know talking about boring things that none of us care about.

Warning: Boring food rant

Also, usually: there's crappy food. What the hell is up with deli platters? Everyone is always making you eat deli food and/or a veggie platter at this type of thing. Sometimes there's chips and salsa. I HATE deli food. I HATE vegetables. I HATE salsa! Get some pizza or hamburgers! When you graduate college all of the sudden you're too good for pizza? I guess I kind of did like the food this time, though, because my mom was all, "Well... we'll get a fruit plate. You'll eat that." And I'm all, "NOT. Fruit plates are 90% various types of melon, and people look at me sideways when I eat all of the grapes and strawberries out of the mix." And she's like, "What would you rather have?" and I was all, "Get some strawberries at SAM'S club." And she's like, "I don't want to clean all of those." And I was like, "I'll clean them." And she bought them and cleaned them all herself anyway. And still got a regular fruit platter. But I was vindicated because everyone ate way more strawberries. But the regular fruit platter was okay. Yes, it still had tons of melon. But it also had some fresh pineapple, which was awesome. And no one else ate the melon, which also kind of vindicates me. This was crazy, though: we had cake, icecream, strawberries, fruit platter, corn chips and salsa, potato chips and dip, deli platter, coleslaw, and a veggie platter. This was like the ultimate old people party spread.

So basically I ate an absolute buttload of strawberries, one piece of deli turkey, one piece of deli cheese, 3/4 of an absolute buttload of pineapple, and some ice cream. And I stand by that choice. Plus, I didn't feel bad for hogging, a lot of the fruit I ate after everyone else had had all they wanted. Sweet!