Here's a long (and probably boring for most people--don't blame you if you skip it) conver I had with Tina. It's about my family and the things they do that drive me nuts. I don't really hate them... but I am very passive-agressive with them. I doubt they even know how unhappy I am with them so much of the time. And it just feels REALLY good to just go off on a tear about how awful they are to someone purely on your side every so often. And even better to post it on your blog afterwards.

Phoemeister: I guess most of the tree things don't bother me as much as the crabapple tree. Because it was pretty big and it was BEAUTIFUL in spring. And I had these memories, my dad and my sister and I used to play with the crabapples. But they're all, "It's on a hill, and all those round crabapples make it dangerous to walk here" and I'm thinking, "Seriously. Just WALK AROUND it. How hard is that? I've been walking around that tree in crabapple season since I could walk.
Tina: yes, but your their kid, not their grandkid.. it is an odd thing... parents will let their kids do all kinds of things with the attitude, they'll live and learn, but give it to their grandkids and they go berserk
Phoemeister: Eh, they didn't do it for the grandkid, he wasn't a gleam in my sister's eye yet when it got cut down
Phoemeister: But I know what you mean. She never followed through on it, but my mom totally said she was going to stop smoking for the grandkid. Which pissed me off at the time, because I just KNOW she smoked while she was pregnant with my sister and I, there's just no way she could quit for 9 months, she's so addicted, or claims to be whenever we begged her to stop
Phoemeister: or at least stop while we were riding in the car with her
Tina: dude, that would piss me off as well
Phoemeister: but whoopdy doo, there's a grandkid and she's willing?
Tina: I dont' know what the deal is... but people seem to do things weird with grandkids.. like my mother has totally admitted that giving a kid anything they want is the wrong thing to do and she never did it with her own kids, but she says she's going to do it with grandkids and leave it for me to deal with
Phoemeister: thanks. Like, I used to talk to Kin about it all the time. His mom smokes too, and he just hates it. Because he's afraid she'll get lung cancer or something. But she smokes outside, at least.

I'm like, "Oh, my mom won't die. HER mom has been smoking forever and it hasn't done anything. But I just want her to not smoke while I'm cooped up in a car with her, and she won't even stop for that. I mean, seriously, it's 20 minutes. You can't go 20 friggin' minutes without smoking?" apparently not
Tina: that's bull.. I've known people who are very addicted to them stop smoking for a few hours at least... especially when someone asks them to
Phoemeister: Well... it kind of makes sense. If you don't have to discipline the kid... you want to be the fun relative. I mean, I'm already racking my brain for ways to get my nephew to like me, because I' malready the least favorite relative, and I don't plan on having kids of my own and I want him to visit me when I'm in the nursing home.... but yeah, totally spoiling someone else's kid is like, "Screw you! I'm going to totally undermine you!" to the parents ;P
Tina: seems like your mom does it cause she's asked not to
Phoemeister: She is just a jerk. If she absolutely has to, or knows it'll make her look like even a huger dick than she already looks like, she'll stop for that long. But no amount of arguing will get her to stop in the car if it's an ordinary day.
Phoemeister: I think once she insisted on driving me to a job interview and I made her stop because I didn't want to walk in smelling like a chimney, she didn't. But hell, she wouldn't even not smoke in the car on my graduation when I asked
Tina: well, I read your blog and I have to tell you, that as long as your the one not giving him everything he wants immediately when he wants it, the kid is going to seem to hate you... babies are like that, they want it and if you don't give it to them, they seem to hate you... it's an awful trap parents fall into too
Phoemeister: Aw... Well I just don't know what to do with him. And on top of not giving him everything he wants, he knows me less because I don't get him as often
Tina: yeah, I totally know what you mean, with the whole I've never dealt with a baby before so why do you expect me to know what to do with one crap.. I mean, if you had a guy a baby for the first time and he's like, what do I do, people laugh, but let a girl do the same thing and they shake they head sadly like your deficient
Tina: hand a guy a baby..
Phoemeister: But I just really want him to know me, you know? I barely know ANY of my aunts or uncles. My extended family is just so... apathetic, no one cares. I barely know any of them, and none of them very well. But since I don't want to have a kid.... I don't know, maybe it's selfish, but I want to have at least some kind of connection with a generation younger than mine. So to be perfectly frank, no I don't think he's that awesome now. But I'm hoping that when he hits 5, maybe, we could be buddies. But if he thinks I'm the unpleasant one from the beginning, i don't know how that's going to happen, especially with 10,000 other relatives in town, fawning over him every instant possible
Tina: wait till he can talk, then the bond will hit... kids aren't really interesting till then
Tina: the only chance your going to have is waiting till he can talk and walk, and you have your own place away from your parents, then offer to baby sit a few hours... give your sister a break, and spend some time with him
Tina: beucase you don't have a chance in hell to bond with your mom around
Phoemeister: I know! I think we could be great pals when he talks. In many ways, I'm a very immature person. I love doing things like playing with children's toys and making them make voices or going to kids movies. I think I could be a fun aunt. But he'll probably distrust me from the first, especially if everyone else is still so busy horning in by then. My real hope, sadly, is that they have another baby by then, and everyone else all loves the baby, and I get to hang out and bond with my older nephew while no one's paying attention to him anymore
Tina: yeah, give the kid time.. let him get an actual personality, instead of one his parents think they see..
Phoemeister: Yeah, it's just I'd have to fight tooth and nail for babysitting priveleges. I swear, my parents are retired, so they have nothing else to do all day. And then there's two other sets of grandparents, cause my brother in law's parents divorced and remarried. And they ALL think I can't handle a child. They've not so much as let me change a diaper by myself!
Phoemeister: I hope so. I think we could be great friends if I just get the chance... I just don't know if I ever will
Tina: hey, I'd be glad of that.. I've never changed one either and not looking forward to it
Phoemeister: I know
Tina: well, if you hang out with the sis one day without parents along, and admit you need some pointers on baby handling, your sis will hopefully start yapping... mommies love nothing more than to talk about babies
Phoemeister: but I thought if I changed a diaper, it would look like I knew what I was doing and capable of caring for a child. Whereas just being handed him and he starts fussing and then I have to guess what will make him happy... I suck at it
Phoemeister: but because of my problems, poo just doesn't gross me out anymore
Phoemeister: Eh. I don't get much time alone with my sis either. I hate hanging with my family. My sister and her husband are okay. And my parents are okay. But put them together, and it's like...... they all get as boring and annoying as possible, and I don't even know whY!
Tina: not so much as grossed out about it, but just not that eager to begin the regiment that will last for like the first 3 or 4 years of their lives... thousands of diapers a year...
Phoemeister: true. Which is why you'd think they wouldn't mind me taking charge for once on the diapers
Tina: dude, because your not the same personality as them, and you don't see the world they way they do... so being in the middle of a group of them is like being in the middle of a bad Woody Allen movie
Phoemeister: and my parents like..... love everything about grandparenting, even the diapers. And my sister thinks I'm incompetant at everything, even diapers.
Tina: or in my families case, The Loretta Lynn Story... without the fame and money
Phoemeister: I haven't seen any Woody Allen or The Loretta Lynn story :P
Tina: your sister feeds off your mother's opinion of you... because it's easier than to stick up for you
Phoemeister: Yeah... true. I just feel so inferior around her. And like, sometimes it's not even because of my mom! Like if I ever hurt myself, she has some story about something similar that hurt 100 times worse, and I'm just a big baby for complaining.
Tina: I know your mother loves you, but she seems to have the opinion that "Phoe lacks" and then put in just about anything...
Phoemeister: It's like: okay, Sis, just because you had a worse experince once doesn't mean like I don't feel like complaining about my this experience I just had to vent off a little steam, okay?
Phoemeister: true
Tina: dude, really, until she had the baby, did your sister ever really go through anything that amounted to what you go through with the big C?
Phoemeister: God, and what I hate the most is I'm pretty much proving them right
Phoemeister: I used to be like, "I'll show them"
Phoemeister: and now I just sit around and do nothing all day because I can't get a fucking job doing anything
Tina: yeah, I feel great about myself, until I hear how my family thinks of me... then I feel really bad about myself... because it's always "oh you could have been" fill in appropriate high paying career "because your so smart"
Phoemeister: She had some asthma stuff that put her in the hospital. But like... that's not the stuff she gives me crap about, because it's not like I complain about having asthma
Phoemeister: :/
Phoemeister: My mom is just set, SET on all her kids working at state farm. if I don't get a job there, she'll be sad. But it kills me that I can't get a job anywhere at all, and at least contribute to society
Tina: so to compete with you, she has to demean what ever it is your complaining about, because the moment the big C arrives, you win, hands down
Phoemeister: True. But she was like that even before I got colitis
Phoemeister: like... if I had to have pudding because they just adjusted my braces and it hurt to eat, I'm this big pussy because when she had braces "it really didn't hurt that much."
Phoemeister: Screw you! Just because I want some damn pudding, you have to make a big thing about it?
Tina: ha! that sounds more like jealousy
Tina: on her part
Tina: because everyone wants a little pampering after something like that
Phoemeister: maybe. And like, whenever I get blood taken, it invaribably takes them several times, including digging around and all that, and I hate, HATE needles. They had to hold me down to give me shots when I was little. So I bring up that when they take blood from me, and show the bruise I got from the digging around.... and she's all, "well two years ago, they blew my vein and it hurt like crazy! You're being a baby , that's a tiny bruise!" Who cares? That happened two years ago! And you don't even mind needles that much. Shut the hell up!
Phoemeister: true
Tina: :: laughs :: no one could deny your sisters, with that back and forth
Phoemeister: true
Tina: although she sounds more like a brother, than a sister
Phoemeister: that's another thing that sucks. When we were little, we hated each other. But we'd actually kind of become friends for two years when she was in high school. Then the minute she gets a boyfriend... she just never cares anymore. So now she calls mom up and talks to her all the time, and does things with mom and dad all the time, but if I ever want to do anything with her, I have to call her up and arrange it. I mean, technically I'm invited to do whatever it is she does with mom and dad, but I've told you what hell that is
Phoemeister: How so?
Tina: because, she's basically calling you a pussy all the time, take the pain you wimp! ... which is more of a male football jock mentality
Tina: when she was having the phew, I bet no one told her to stop her whining and take the pain
Phoemeister: Hunh, true.

LOL, nope
Tina: you know, it seems like, to a degree, your sister gave up some of her own individuality and personality when she got a man
Phoemeister: though technically beforehand my brother in law was very heavyhanded with the "you should have a natural childbirth stuff." And she did, actually, though I don't know if she meant to or not. She popped the 'phew out so fast they didn't have time to drug her up anyhow
Phoemeister: Oh, she TOTALLY did
Phoemeister: her first boyfriend: totally into music. I swear, me and my sister never listened to music other than the oldies our parents listened to up until 1996 when she got her first boyfriend. And when she got into music, I kind of got into music through her. And now I'm still into music, but she broke up with him and got with a guy who loves sports, and now she loves sports (which again, she didn't care about before him) and doesn't really give a shit about music
Tina: and now, she'll loose more into being Mom.. my friend Mindy did and now, 4 years later, she's totally rebelling against that..
Tina: your sister is a chameleon lover
Tina: she changes who she is to better suit who she's with instead of being who she really thinks she is
Phoemeister: I think so. I mean... she's such a pushover with anything he tells her to do. It's like that conversation we had about breastfeeding. She got these infections from it that made her feel like total shit, like barely functioning, and this is on top of having a young baby to take care of, getting over labor, and having no sleep, and she's like, "well, maybe I'll stop breastfeeding," but Chris (brother in law) managed to re-convince her to keep breastfeeding every time
Phoemeister: that is more than I could give, even if it was my kid
Phoemeister: I know!
Tina: were they calling it thrush?
Phoemeister: ah :P
Phoemeister: Well she got thrush once, and it wasn't fun. But she got these other infections that just like WIPED her out, too. My mom had to come over and like, take care of the baby for a week each time

Then we got into a discussion on thrush and various other diseases.

Here's another Tina conver I'm posting in edit because.... I can

Tina: me too, me and A were talking about how we'd decorate a house today
Phoemeister: aww :-)
Tina: was a good conversation
Phoemeister: Well I hope you guys do it soon
Phoemeister: (and let me live in the attic)
Phoemeister: you could scare your children with tales about me
Phoemeister: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll end up like the crazy woman in our attic!
Tina: :: laughs:: we actually talked about how to get a spare bed put up so you and others could come visit
Phoemeister: awww :-)
Phoemeister: that sounds even nicer than the attic and cautionary tale for children

Hell, I'm just going to stick every conversation I had tonight that amused me in this post:

LSEG: are you suuuuure?
Phoemeister: I would knife fight you, brazillian style, to prove that
LSEG: ahahaha
Phoemeister: truly
Phoemeister: Even though I don't really know if there is a brazillian style of knife fighting
LSEG: I'm sure there is.
Phoemeister: True
LSEG: But I would've said capoeira instead
Phoemeister: I suppose if you're in brazil
Phoemeister: and you're knife fighting
Phoemeister: it's brazillian knife fighting
LSEG: Capoeira is fun
Phoemeister: I don't know what Capoeira is
LSEG: it's the caribbean dancing-fighting style.. it resembles breakdancing with some of its moves.. Eddie what's his name from Tekken uses it
Phoemeister: SWEET
Phoemeister: I don't know what tekken is
Phoemeister: but if something involves knives
LSEG: fighting video game
Phoemeister: and breakdancing
Phoemeister: I'm THERE
LSEG: well
LSEG: I don't know about knives
LSEG: but it's funny to watch
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: I'd still be there for the breakdancing part, most likely
LSEG: yeah, it's awesome
LSEG: lots of short cartwheels with kicks, and swinging your body around, supported by one or two hands
Phoemeister: sweet
Phoemeister: if I could physically do that
Phoemeister: I would
LSEG: practice, practice, practice
LSEG: I could do it probably
Phoemeister: I couldn't
Phoemeister: not in a million years
Phoemeister: I would DIE
Phoemeister: just from doing the cartwheel
LSEG: Are ya alil overweight? I couldn't have done it when I was 212 lbs
Phoemeister: Nah, I'm not overweight
Phoemeister: jsut dangerously uncoordinated
Phoemeister: I'm not even kidding
LSEG: Can ya swing a sword? :D lol
Phoemeister: I'm not dead
Phoemeister: so..... that means I haven't tried it yet

Phoemeister: nitpicking is a fun hobby
Phoemeister: but it sucks if you're wrong
Phoemeister: because then you have to take back like 2 hours of bickering where you're like, "I'm SURE Chop Suey was System of a Down's first hit!"
Sarcasmyst: lol
Sarcasmyst: the internet is a harsh mistress
Phoemeister: it is, my friend. it surely is.

one last with Tina:

Tina: damns traight... and I stole your idea and blogged the AIm conversation because I am, as well, lazy
Phoemeister: sweet :P
Phoemeister: lazy AIM blogposting is what America is about!
Phoemeister: I hope my side of the conver doesn't get him pissed at me :P I did call him pissy :P
Tina: :: laughs:: if it does, his problem... I mean, if he can't grasp the idea that my friend is on my side,
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Well *someone else* still hasn't grasped it
Phoemeister: he barely talks to me anymore :-(
Tina: sorry chica seems like he believes he has full ownership of the Phoe Friendship Guild
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Well I can see why he might think about it
Phoemeister: you're like, the only other contender, really
Tina: whoo! If I have to be a contender, I want to be Rocky and he can be Apollo Creed
Phoemeister: ha :P
Phoemeister: If I had to pick, though
Phoemeister: I'd totally be Mr. T
Phoemeister: instead of Apollo
Phoemeister: because hey, T! Who doesn't want to be T?
Tina: naw, not if we're going with the movie characters. where Mr T was Clubber Lange
Phoemeister: Ah
Phoemeister: I couldn't remember his chars name
Phoemeister: just that he hit on Adrienne
Phoemeister: and Rocky was having none of that
Phoemeister: true story
Tina: I don't remmeber that, I remember the part where he killed the old man
Phoemeister: he killed the old guy?
Phoemeister: I thought old guy died of a heart attack
Tina: Lange hit the Old Man as hard as he'd hit someone in the ring, which basically put the old guy into the heart attack
Phoemeister: JESUS. BAD Mr. T
Phoemeister: that's seriously uncool
Tina: seriously
Phoemeister: I guess maybe I would be Apollo, then
Phoemeister: he turns out to be nice
Phoemeister: lets Rocky train in his gym after he's bankrupt
Tina: yeah, that was my point Apollo becomes Rocky's best friend
Phoemeister: Oh
Phoemeister: See, that would be PERFECT if you were Rocky and he was Apollo
Phoemeister: because then we'd all be friends
Phoemeister: What would I be, then?
Tina: Adrienne?
Phoemeister: ADRIENNE! ADRIENNE!