Deeeepressing day.

First off: today was rainy and 20 or 30 degrees colder than it has been lately. And my one story, I actually had to stand around out in the middle of it. Eesh.

Second: I toootally mentioned I had colitis, because they were talking about some guest that was going to be on the show from the Colitis & Crohn's foundation. And this one guy asked "How bad." And I said really bad, but was going to explain that I meant that it's not that bad (scale from 1 to 10 I've been told I'm a 2) but that nothing I've ever taken has done that much good except for steroids, and they didn't even put me into remission.

Well, the guy has 2 kids, both with colitis. Or one with colitis, one with crohns. One's 9 and one's 13. Which in my opinion is REALLY the suck for those poor kids, I was pretty pissed at how young I was when I got it, and I was 18. For some reason, I guess I thought it was a later onset disease, my grandma started having her problems with crohns when my mom was in college. ANYhoo, he started quizzing me on what drugs I've taken and what I've had done, and it's obvious that mine's not NEAR as bad as the 13 year old's and somewhat better than the 9 year old's. So I look like this jerk for being like, "wah wah wah I poop a lot, it's REALLY bad" when his daughter's stomach "is just scars, she doesn't even have a bellybutton anymore." and his nine year old's been under the knife at least once.

It makes me wonder how good my specialist is, though. Because I always thought he was awesome (I mean, my general doctor was a moron who thought I had acid reflux disease, so obviously he looks like a genius compared to that), but I've heard from many people, and this guy with the messed up kids agrees, that diet helps, but my guy doesn't really seem to care what I eat. And I'd never heard of a couple of the drugs he mentioned that his kids have taken. On the other hand, my specialist has said before he doesn't want to put me on certain drugs he could put me on, because their side effects can really screw you up and if your colitis is only a 2 it's not worth it. Whereas obviously it WOULD be worth it to this poor bastard's kids.

Lastly, the biggest problem: I totally dented a newsvan. I was at a gas station, and I stupidly pulled in so that I didn't have any pumps on the side of the van where the little gas hatch is. So basically I'm doing some manuvering, and I smack RIGHT into one of those huge concrete things they kind of have on either end of a block of pumps. I totally didn't see it, because it's too short to see if you're as close to it as I was, but of course, it's certainly tall enough to fuck things up. So basically I'm screwed, there's a huge dent in the van because I'm a moron who doesn't pay attention. I wrote a note to the news director, (thankfully he wasn't there, I'd have no idea how to say it. Because I feel HUGELY sorry, and want to say sorry, but usually sorry annoys people, because sorry isn't exactly going to fix it. So basically in the note I left I just said that I did it, which van it was, how I did it).

Really, I'm wondering even more if I should give up this business because of the driving. I do stupid things all the time while I'm driving, but the thing about it is that 90% of the time, if it involves another driver, they're smart enough to save their own skin and get out of the way. I TOTALLY accidently cut someone off today. And have a million incidents like that all the time. And I hate driving, I end up with huge headaches at the end of the day, today I had a DOOZY because I spent the whole day, nearly, in a van. I really, really, wish there was a way to get into corporate video or a production company without paying your dues in news a year or two first. But as it is... I might just have to punk out and get a regular job, which kind of worries me.

The two places I applied for didn't ever reply. Finally, I sent each of them an e-mail that was kind of like, "heh, did my resume ever get there?" when I really meant, "HIRE ME, DAMMIT!" And I'll be darned if the one station didn't send me back an e-mail that they actually HADN'T gotten the resume. So... I think I'll probably send them another one. And then if they and the other station don't want me, give in and sell out. I guess I owe it to myself to try with the one station, to see if it's any better at a different place. *sigh*