Whoa, I'm so ashamed. In the posts yesterday, I failed to mention that I went to THE TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL.

Yes, they even have their own website.

What, you ask, is THE TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL? Well, I don't know how it is in most other states and/or countries, but Illinois and the other largely rural midwestern states are all about "festivals." Every little dinky (and even some of the not so dinky) town has their own festival. My town has a "corn festival" (not very unique, other towns have that). Nearby town Morton has a "pumpkin festival." Clinton has a "pork and apple festival." Tremont went for alliteration, and turkeys.

What, you ask, is one of these festivals like? Well, except for each particular festival's little gimmick, they are mostly alike. Crafts, including little geegaws, wreaths, little wooden cutouts, and magnets and signs with such "sassy" phrases on them as "A Spoiled Rotten Dog Lives Here" or "The Butt Stops Here. Put your cigarette out before coming in." Some of the magnets were a bit more clever (and original--lots of the signs from stall to stall featured the same mottos) than the signs, featuring slogans like "to err is human, but it's against company policy" (my dad bought that one for his office) . Both signs and magnets feature many references to fishing. There's always lots of little toys and things for the kids. A lot of the stalls are similar to each other, but every so often you find a cool one with an original idea.

Differences: One difference is parking. Though we have to walk a little way, we can usually find somewhere in the same zip code to park our cars at for THE TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL, whereas it is a complicated and exhausting process finding parking at "the pork and apple festival." "The pork and apple festival" is also a bit more differentiated in what it sells, if I recall correctly they have fancy pencils you can buy, and some other stuff. It's been awhile.

Another difference is "The Gimmick." "The Gimmick" can affect the festival in many ways, but first and foremost is food. If you name your festival after food, you should probably serve that food. "the pumpkin festival" is especially cool that way, because not only do they serve the obvious, pumpkin pie, they've managed to come up with all sorts of pumpkin dishes, including pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin bread, and pumpkin muffins. And they're actually good too. THE TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL, serves turkey sandwichs, though they also have hot dogs and burgers around for those who're not fond of that. They also have this strawberry shortcake thing that's pretty good. The corn festival: hot buttered corn on the cob, baby.

The gimmick is also evidenced in other things. For example, until they got frightened about liability, the pumpkin festival used to launch pumpkins off of cranes. I think there was some contest involved there. There are also secondary gimmicks, such as the THE TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL's, bed race, where people alter bed frames so that they can race them downhill. They also have a one on one basketball tournament, and some carnival-style rides for little kids.

Thanks to these festivals, we have all sorts of crazy crap. My mom, especially, goes for the wooden cutouts of things. My dad's gotten a squirrel feeder from one of them, and in 1999 he bought a whole set of weiner roasting forks from the Turkey Festival. I'd say my sister is the most immune from the pull of the festival, as I buy all sorts of crap from them. From the last Corn Festival I've been to ('97), I got an ankle bracelet (never worn again) and a tie-dyed alien tee shirt (worn extensively). But I'd have to say the crown jewel in my novelty tee-shirt collection is my 1998 TREMONT TURKEY FESTIVAL's tee shirt, featuring a turkey in swimming trunks carrying a surfboard, with Tremont Turkey Festival '98 emblazoned on the front for all to see.

I love that tee shirt. When I first got it, I'd make people compliment it all the time, and make goofy jokes about it and such. I actually wore it to the festival yesterday. I'm a hardcore turkey festival fan. Also, people open up to me in it. One time at the school cafeteria, the woman at the cash register told me this whole story about how this guy she knew got drunk and tried to steal some of the frozen turkeys and these guys beat him up. Honest.

I got the '99 shirt the next year, but it just wasn't the same. I wasn't going to get an '02 one, but I couldn't help it, they're so classy this year. They even have a webpage now, with the URL on the back. Whoo!