Yesterday I went out to celebrate my internship being over with my high school friend. It was fun, we had dinner and watched the Interpreter. I'm a very spineless person when it comes to moviegoing. If someone wants to see something I'm not hugely interested in, I'll go anyway. I do that with my Dad, and I especially do it with this friend. So the interpreter was like my fifth choice after Hitchiker's, Miss Congeniality II, Fever Pitch, and Sahara--basically anything but Triple X: State of the Union. But... anyway, it was alright. And I probably would've ended up seeing it on video sometime anyways.

I was kind of depressed after I got home, though. I mentioned that I have no job prospects, basically, and she said she'd love to see me go to New York or LA and break into the entertainment business. Which it makes me sad, because I'd love to do that but I know I'll never have the courage. I could not move halfway across the country to somewhere I don't know where I know no one, trying to break into a notoriously difficult business to break into....

Also sad, she said her mom and her had been talking about it, and that her mom thought I'd do great there. Isn't it sad when someone else's mom you've met maybe five or six times, tops, has more confidence in you than your own mom? Even if I did muster up the courage to go, my mom would bring up every horrible thing that could possibly happen and crush my spirit. She is afraid of big cities. And doesn't want me to go very far from her. She about had a fit when I even applied for a job opening at Rockford! Hell, she didn't even want me to take the internship in Peoria at first. Then again, to play devil's advocate, my friend's mom really has nothing to lose by saying some random friend of her daughter's would do good in LA. If I did go and fall flat on my face, she wouldn't feel responsible. And she obviously doesn't know me well enough to know if I'd succeed or fail. So optimism from strangers probably isn't worth that much.

I know everyone would want this, but I wish I could see into the future. Not like, specifics. Just enough to know "If I do this thing, would I be happy in general? Or would I be more happy in the long run to do this other thing?" And then I could proceed with total confidence. It would be so much nicer than relying on the magic 8 ball like I do now.