Yet another conversation with Kin: (poor guy should copyright his convers)
He's also recovering from wisdom teeth surgery, hence the drugs and drooling comments.
(I'm "Mass Corn" and he's "I Got Your Sweet Gherkins Right here!")


Mass Corn says:
I LOVE blogging. When I'm all old and sad, I can read all my archived conversations and have a good laugh
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
Kewel.
Mass Corn says:
oooh. Extra E, you rebel
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
lol...Yep.
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
Yep. It's so cool it's kew-el.
Mass Corn says:
Aweesomee
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
Wow...There's so much stuff going on in that word, I couldn't read it for a second. =P
Mass Corn says:
wow. Though maybe it's because you're on drugs, and even when you aren't, you aren't that bright
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
I aggree. My hands are starting to get all tingly. And my head's always tingly and messed up. =P
Mass Corn says:
You'll go blind soon. I've seen it before
Mass Corn says:
You should stop masturbating with vicks
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
I should, I know. But
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
But...i've got this fungus you see? =P
Mass Corn says:
lol. Yea... now I remember. And those pimples.... *shudders*
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
..They're getting better!
Mass Corn says:
Good. I mean, I used to think, "No WONDER he calls it a gherkin."
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
LOL!!! I thought that was very funny, but it's kind of hard to laugh with the bottom half of your mouth numb though. =P
Mass Corn says:
heh, when I thought of it, I was like "Is that too sick?" and then I was like, "Who care's, it's funny. I'll get him all laughing and drooling on himself, which will make ME laugh."
Mass Corn says:
"and THAT'S what's really important."
I Got Yer Sweet Gherkins Right Here! says:
Yes it is.

Conversation Overload

Last night, I had the funniest conversations with about three people, and then we started pasting the best parts from other conversations into conversations. Err... if you can follow that (and the conversations after this) you are a jeeenius. (pasted bits in blue) And it's not complete, cause I lost some bits when MSN went down.

Kin: LOL..."Com theory" looks like "Corn theory" in the font on your blog. =P

I just thought that was really funny. =P
Phoemeister: LOl. Good to know. I DO wish it was corn theory. I'm all about corn
Kin: LOL...And Mass Corn. =P
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO. BEST...CORN....JOKE....EVER
Kin: LOL...Glad you think so.
Phoemeister: I dunno, it just tickles me
Kin: It did me too. Mass Corn...There's just something about it, isn't there? =P
Phoemeister: there IS
Phoemeister: I'm going to change my MSN name to Mass Corn
Kin: lol...Alrighty.
Kin: Convorsations.
Kin: Conversations...Why the hell is it abbreviated convo?
Phoemeister: lol... I dunno
Phoemeister: You should investigate that
Kin: Maybe it's becuase people are stupid. =P
Phoemeister: Phoemeister: poooooo is fun to say
Talia: darn tooting it is
Phoemeister: tooting. That's another one.
Kin: LOL...You have the greatest conversations with your friends too. =P
Phoemeister: Yea. I rock that way.
Kin: How 'bout this?

Kin: There you do.
Kin: ...Go.
Leo: LOL!
Leo: Just do ahead and do!
Leo: Do away.
Leo: Go me baby!!
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Kin: "Go me baby!!" I just love that.
Phoemeister: yours is better than the tooting
Kin: I'm still laughing.
Phoemeister: I KNOW. I just said go me baby to him now
Kin: I just said it to Talia. =P
Phoemeister: ROFLAMO. No, you should've said "tooting!"
Phoemeister: or "poo me, baby"
Kin: LOL! "Toot me baby!!" =P
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: Phoemeister: that's a sarcastic woo
Talia: a "this is a pain in the ass" woo?
Phoemeister: definately
Kin: lol...All kinds of woo's going on over there.
Phoemeister: indeed

The best part, though, is the fact that I was mixing bits of that conver into convers with the other two. Yes, I'm saying conver now. It's all you, kin.

Oh, also: funny e-mail he sent me:

(Your blog said to email you. So I did. =P)

I love you. I worship you. I would have your babies, if I could. And I want your Mass Corn baby! Take
my Gherkins!!!! GO ME! GO MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!


(Aren't you glad? =P)

First: to get my obsession with logs out of the way--I'm Google's #1 pick for "free ponr." Free ponr should be kosher shrimp I give away with significantly large orders of yeal (kosher reptile meat) and Sau (kosher fish). Order now, and get free ponr*

Anyway my day:

Like most people, when I get up early in the morning, I pretty much run on autopilot. I pry myself out of the bed, and go to the bathroom. I come back, I start getting dressed. I shriek like a gibbon when I hear MY ROOMMATE'S BOYFRIEND IN THE ROOM yelling at the hamster for getting too near to the edge of the bed while he was playing with it.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!
Roomie's Guy: Heh, didn't know I was here, huh?
Me: uh, no.

I don't think he saw anything, or even noticed I was dressing, because he was facing the other way. Still: creepy as hell. I'd gotten used to the roommate's rather large poster of Dave Matthews being the only thing that leered at me as I disrobe. I finished the dressing process in the bathroom.

Later, after I'm blessedly alone: random squeaking in the room. Mental groan. Hamster must be loose. Look at hamster cage. Hamster cage is open. Mental profanity. Listen to squeaking, attempting to pinpoint. Squeaking sounds more industrial than hamster-like. Go back to cage. Shake cage, seeing if hamster is in little house in cage. Hamster IS in little house, comes out when shook. Relieved. Shut door to hamster cage. Mental profanity directed at roommate's boyfriend for not shutting the cage after putting hamster back.

However: I will not have to deal with my three roommates (Assigned Roommate, Her Boyfriend, Her Hamster) much longer. Apparently my roommate wanted to room with a friend she knew from community college and they had just filled out the paperwork wrong, so they ended up apart, but her friend's roommate ended up leaving, and now they're going to live together.

Yes, I go through roommates like wet tissue.

I'm kind of annoyed, because I had mucho anxiety about this one, and now that I'm getting used to her and her entourage, I'm getting yet ANOTHER one. Sib says that she thinks roommates, on the whole, are good rather than bad, and not to worry, but I think she's full of crap. I'm the pickiest person alive, and NO ONE ELSE my age goes to bed at 12 (my biggest condition). Since this one doesnt' sleep the night here, it was cool. And no, I can't get it to be a single (like I would if it was second semester she was ditching me in, instead of first semester) because ISU takes on too many fucking people than they have room for, and so the poor saps living in lounges and stuff right now get priority over me not wanting to be kept up every night by someone. Of course, second semester, when all the dumb people have failed and have to leave, is when there's more room, so it's not happening then, it's happening now, during first semester.

I'm also pissed at someone else. Someone many people are pissed at. MICROSUCK (mocking name courtesy of Alleywriter).

I need Microsoft Visual Studio for my ACS class. Basically, for you non geeks out there, it turns my code into a program. They have Visual Studio at the ACS labs, but I don't want to have to spend all my time walking over there and blah blah blah when I paid a significant chunk of money on a laptop just so I COULD do things like that from the comfort of my own room. I was sort of annoyed at the beginning of the year: the prog sets me back 60 dollars and takes up 2.2 gigs. For you non geeks, that's like 100 (or some other gigantic number) times the size of the secondary memory needed to launch the first space shuttle. Anyway, I was happily surprised to find that ISU licensed some copies, and ACS majors can borrow the disks and install them on the computer.

I was unhappy when it took two weeks of going to the desk where they rent them out every day and them not having it.

I was happy when I got it. Unhappy when I saw it was 9 disks long, and the guy there said, "Yes, it's an all day project." Happy when I found out only four of the disks were actually related to the particular program I wanted.

UNHAPPY....WHEN....IT....CAME....TIME...TO....INSTALL.
I'm not going to go into it, except to say there was crying, screaming, and bodily injury involved. I will bear the scars, both emotional and physical, for the rest of my life.
And the struggle's still not over, I can't get the damn program to install, still.

_______________
*Ponr is a registered trademark of Phin Enterprises

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna

You are a -
Grunger Sheep!
I wear and do what I like. Stuff fashion and your scary pop music.





What Was Your PastLife?

I'm really excited, in a random sort of way. I was browsing blogs, and for the first time ever I totally ran across people going to ISU like me. Idle Neurosis. They have a link up there to Bottle of Justus, a local band, a link to our radio station, and mention Brewster's, our lame-ass ISU brand coffee, so though they never comes out and say it, I think they're fellow students. I really wanted to comment just to say something stupid like, "Dude, we go to the same school!" but there were no comments on her page.

So that's my "uh, where is this story going?" post for today.

I am now number one for people searching for "Do hamsters have rabbies?" I think they were going for rabies. When I wrote it I was going for rabbis. Wouldn't it be cool if hamsters DID have rabbis? Little hamster rabbis wearing those yarmulkes(sp?) and blessing their pellets, much like the fine rabbis at Phin enterprises bless Sau and Yeal? Oh, and giving them hamster spiritual guidance, of course.

Also: number 15 on Yahoo Canada for: using vicks on pimples. Why they clicked my link, after 14 pages actually ABOUT using vicks on pimples, I don't know.

According to another page, not only can you use vicks on pimples, but on warts and ringworm too (according to their blurb on Yahoo Canada). I should write an e-mail to the people at vicks to let them know people like to eat it, use it on toenail fungus, masturbate with it, use it on pimples, use it on warts, and on ringworm.

Also, the blurbs ARE really funny. My blurb is: (my blurbs are always funny because they're blurbs taken out of context from all over the site, and you wonder why people actually click it, because you can tell it's about rabbis separate from hamsters, or mention vicks for toenail fungus but no mention of masturbation) ... this page looking to know if they can eat Vicks ... Gallery My Other Crap Troubled Youth New Beepingshire Arse Pimples ... I'm using my mad voodoo psychic powers on her ...

However #14 on that search has the BEST blurb: ... goddamn turnsignals I wrote a poem about using ... little-sister-porcupine, Really-unattractive-cottonmouth-with-pimples ... just blew the money on plastic cups, Vicks ...

DUDE, I thought I was the only one who had a porcupine for a little sister and blew all my money on Vicks.

It's hard to rely on my good intentions, when I miss so much that requires attention

Does any one else out there feel like a complete moron half the time? Because, I have to say, though I'm usually quite a moron, I've reached the height of idiocy these last two weeks. I actually wonder about my mental health I've been so stupid lately. AND, it especially sucks when I have to show my stupidness to others, in order to mitigate said stupidness. Here are the incidents that have made me feel like the biggest jackass in the world lately:

1) Last week, I lost my Anthropology Syllabus and had to e-mail the teacher for another one, like the ass that I am.
2) My ACS prof made a HUGE deal about not leaving lab without the permission of the lab instructor. I ask if I can leave last week, and it's like "whatever." STILL, I pester her this week when I want to leave. I should just leave. AND, I've asked her like, 80 million other stupid questions, like the ass that I am.
3) I forgot to turn in this dumb assignment for Com theory which is basically a thing that says "I won't plagiarize." So, I lost the points and look like I plagiarize. To make matters worse, I actually DID print it out and sign it, I just forgot to ever turn it in, like the ass that I am.
4) This week, I forgot to turn in another short assignment for Com theory, where you just answer this one question she asked. And it's an opinion. You can't go wrong when they just ask you your opinion.
5) I did 2 and one third worksheets for a Mass Com assignment. I totally thought I had done the other two questions on the one sheet, so I kept thinking "did I do all my homework?" and I kept being like, "Yes," when all the time I hadn't. I felt like an ass turning in a worksheet with only one question answered.
6) I lost my ACS sylabus. I was actually able to print it out again from the internet, though.
7) The day before yesterday, I actually went to the trouble of setting my alarm exactly tailored to the time I wanted to get up the next day to make my ACS class. I had a brain fart or something, because I totally set it an hour late. I end up not going to class.
8) Also yesterday, I totally skipped my Anthropology independent honors study because I forgot it. It's only once a week, so it slipped my mind. And it's the same class I had to e-mail the prof about the sylabus for, so I REALLY don't want to ask him what happened in class, but I also don't want to be a whole week behind what I should be.

One of these wouldn't bug me so much. Maybe not even two. But.... with this whole list, I feel like the dumbest person in the world. I'm SO mad at myself, I can't even stand it, but I don't know how to MAKE myself remember and not lose all of this crap.

*big sigh*

Oh, and I have to say: I LOVE the new Weezer Muppet video. Damn straight, I knew the muppets would get their props someday.

Last night was really good. Igraine and I did end up eating out at Avanti's (Italian food place) and we had a lot of fun. It's good to know that at least one person I made friends with on the trip actually likes me. After Avanti's we ended up going to Lowe's and Menards, looking for this tile she wanted for her bathroom (fascinating stuff, I know). Then we went to the library awhile to study (which, I actually got something done for once, doing my work at home is pretty useless). AND, she gave me a fridge. A FRIDGE. Well, she lent it to me for freee. And it's a nice white instead of the poop-colored ISU ones. She even cleaned it for me.

Today....

so far I've skipped ACS (largely on accident--woke up late) and had cramps (yuck).

AWESOME! Props to my girl Talia, who made this for one of my other pages:

Short Update:

I was at Waterson Food Court yesterday, and over a 10 minute time span, I counted about 8 people there who look like my roommate.

Also: tired of busy work. Bastards BASTARDS BASTARDS! etc.

Still no job.

Working on hooking up with Igraine (from London group) for dinner tonight. Communication difficulties..... Dinner may or may not happen.

Roommate not feeding hamster, for days now. I snuck it some uncooked EZ Mac last night, but not too much because I don't want her to find a hoard of macaroni in the cage and be like, "Have you been feeding my hamster EZ Mac?" because I have a feeling that would be, like, awkward.

AMUSING ENCOUNTERS WITH STRANGERS

I need to make this a regular feature, I have enough of them (note, someday add backlogged encounters such as the guy in england who told me everything he knew about america, the yoo hoo guy, the crack guy, and scooby doo woman)

Me and a friend, at a video store:

Friend: *looking up at Corky Romano* Why does that guy keep making crappy movies?
Strange Guy: Because he SUCKS!
Friend and I: Agree, and laugh

Sick, twisted, and Hilarious (I stole it from Greyduck)

Also: AWESOME, I'm #1 on google for "Kosher Blessed."

Damn straight, this blog is FULL of Kosher-Blessed Goodness!

Did not get job. Sad. Applying for 4 other jobs. Will probably not get them. Sad.

Oh, update on the hamster: it took me a DAY before the roommate was around long enough while not being on the phone to get an answer out of her and it was just so matter of fact like, "why shouldn't there be a hamster here? Of course I have a hamster?"

Anyway, it's only there till laborday, but it still annoys me how she handled it.

Also funny: my mom keeps quizzing me on the roommate, and I have to be like "I don't know." I finally broke down and was like, "The only times she's here for more than five minutes is when she's on the phone. Okay, yesterday her and her boyfriend watched Diff'rent Strokes for about fifteen minutes in the room. Other than that......" Honestly, I could not pick the girl out of a police lineup. It's sad, maybe I could pick out the boyfriend, because he looks like an actual person, but she is honestly the college girl posterchild. There are four other girls on my floor who look exactly like her. I went to a floor meeting and could only tell it was her because I recognized her clothes. The girl is nondescript as hell. And I don't know her major OR her last name. So please: don't ask me anything about her, cos I don't know.

I also feel doubtful about my major.

I mean, I like it more than ACS. But...... there's only like a bleeping million people in Mass Communication. Every time I meet another smiling self-satisfied mass com major, I want to scream at them. I want to yell and gibber like a lemur. I want to shake them and shriek at the top of my lungs, "It's my major. You're competing for my job. MY job, do you understand this? And you'll get it because I have virtually no work experience and I do sucky interviews, which also led to the first condition. Leave my major alone! Go into business, mass communication is all I have! *unintelligable sobbing, move to the fetus position*

Funny thing:

I get a lot of google hits for Vicks.

I get a lot of google hits for masturbation.

Now: I have a hit for masturbation with Vicks.

ah, the world wide web.

I hate ACS so much. Why did I decide to minor in it? I know I'm not good at it....

And bleh, now I have the stupidest prof ever: She's PILING on the busy work. Every week, we have to answer all the questions in the book for the reading we did that week. AND, the answers are in the book. AND, if you feel like it, she doesn't care if you totally copy them off word for word and send them to her.

Yea, that's what I call learning.

In the future, I will read the book first, but I was way behind so I just copied the answers. It took me an HOUR. And HOUR to type out the answers. Without even having to think or anything, copying them verbatim. That pisses me off, because I'm pretty sure I won't learn anything from the questions even when I do answer them for myself, and it will take three times as long. Three hours a week for BUSY WORK. You BASTARDS. You are STEALING MY LIFE from me. Not that I was doing anything that important with it, but still. BASTARDS.

BASTARDS, BASTARDS, BASTARDS. You are all sons of a bastard's bastard's bastard's monkey's uncle. You BASTARDS. You know who you are.

AIM fragment

Mumbler: going to sleep well with the hamster?
Phoemeister: I hope so. Not literally
Mumbler: do you have to take care of it?
Phoemeister: Of course I don't fucking have to take care of it, it's not my hamster
Mumbler: lol (I love it when someone lol's when I've just insulted them on AIM)

Oh, other news: I have a job interview tomorrow at the Office of International Studies. Wish me luck, I suck at interviews, but I really really want this job.

Also (I should tell the people at the interview this) I'm 8 on google for: free ponr no bullshit

Yes, if you can't spell porn, come to my website. (Though ponr wasn't a keyword, I just had enough free bullshit and no on there, lucky me :P)

Dammit! I'm SO pissed. There's another occupant in my already too small dorm room.

Uh...a four legged one.

Yes, folks: my roommate smuggled in a hamster and neglected to tell me about it. I'm not really pissed, just....curious. I'm not a half wit, hamsters make noise (and smell), I was bound to notice, right? So why not tell me. Also: why bother, she barely spends fifteen minutes of the day in this room anyway. Happily, it's not too noisy, so it prolly won't disturb my sleep, which is about all I care about anymore.

The Discovery
I actually noticed the cage a long time ago, it's under her desk, not that hidden, and I admit it: I'm a bit of a snoop. But it didn't seem like there was anything in it. Again: a bit confused. Why would you have a cage but not anything in it? I (naively) forgot about it.

Tonight: I turned off the music I'd been playing, and I hear a squeaking. At first I thought it was the Air Conditioner (such as it is). Then, I realized it wasn't coming from that corner of the room (over my bed, towards the door), but the exact opposite corner: her desk. The cage comes back into my mind with a vengeance. And, sure enough: the little fella (or girl, I didn't get that good of look at it) is excercising away on the wheel (which, having owned a hamster, I know is impossible to get to not squeak, although this one is VERY quiet when it comes to hamster wheels). Not gotten the best look at it, as I don't think the roommate would appreciate coming back to see me moving all her junk around to get a better look at the hamster she seemed to not want me to know about in the first place.

The Solution
I'm going to tell her I know, but not make her get rid of it unless the squeaking interferes with my sleep. I briefly toyed with the idea of setting it free and when she's like "Where's my hamster?" being like "What hamster?" but I'm too nice for that.

Still a bit curious as to why I was not told about the third occupant of my room. It seems the roommate will not be back by the time I go to bed, so I left her a note: "Noticed the hamster. What gives?"

I'm not happy with the dining center this year. Yesterday, I found out that both Grapefruit Juice and our Pizza hut had been cruelly ripped away from me. I'm writing them a letter. Honestly..... I'm so picky that when something I love goes, it's a major blow.

*sigh*

And don't get me started on Pip packets (packets we have to buy).

Because there's nothing so random as a black guy with a goatee and glasses wearing a hawaiian shirt with the temperature at a U.S. Air force base






Awww, except he's not wearing the hawaiian shirt anymore

Well, now I've changed shirts (yea, this blog is fascinating), so now I don't look like such a freak. My mom's bringing me good pants right now, too. She's nice in that way, at least. Plus, she's coming over to bring me socks anyway. Yes, I forgot socks. Anyway, without these socks I would be lame by the end of Wednesday, and she's saving me from that torture.

Socks are not the least of what I forgot. Last night, when i was moving in, I freaking forgot my keys and wallet. Honest.... We got all the way here, and had to drive back home and then in again. I was tired.

New development with Sib: now she lives in a certain dorm that rhymes with "Do it." As in "Girls from ____, like to do it!" She taught me the rhyme in the first place, so now I'm giving her no peace. Don't ask me how she's living on campus now all of a sudden, because it's too complicated to explain, apparently.

New roommate: since I got here about 8:00 p.m. yesterday, I've probably seen her a total of 10 minutes. As I keep saying, "She seems nice."

Yesterday: Bridal Shower: went well. Except it's sort of "too many cooks spoil the broth syndrome." My mom, the groom's step-mom, and my aunt all seemed to be vying over control of certain aspects, which kind of irritated me because it pretty much says I'm too stupid to do it all by myself.

Uh, I have to buy a 50 dollar prog for ACS, and some more books. Yep, that's it.

Awesome: I'm 9 on google for "Are nunchuks legal in england?"

I should not be allowed to dress myself
(early in the morning, at least)

What am I wearing? Big, dark blue, hammeresque pajama pants (not my fault, they're the only pants I have over here, I didn't expect it to be pants weather), dark blue shirt with "Normal" on it that I bought in England, dark blue jacket, dark blue bass sandals. Also: carrying a dark blue backpack and a dark blue umbrella.

Also: I have too many umbrellas. Bright orange one I keep in the car, old bright blue one, State Farm one my mom got me for no discernable reason, small dark blue one, because mom thought I should have a really little umbrella for England.

More (oh so much more) about my day later.

This is from Boy on a Stick and Slither:



Man Boasas makes me laugh.

AIM Convo # who the hell cares?

K: Now my msn's being wonky.
Phoemeister: wonky is a fun word.
K: Yep.
Phoemeister: And only one small step from honky, which everyone loves
K: lol...Especially when used directed towards a person.
Kinsale11: "Hey, honky." =P
Phoemeister: yea, that's what I meant. I love calling myself a honkey. Not really in front of black people. But in front of other white people.

lol @ "hey honky"
Phoemeister: You know how rappers are like "ma niggas?" Wouldn't it be cool if Eminem or someone got "Ma honkeys" to catch on?
Phoemeister: I'd love an excuse to call people honkeys
K: LOL...That would be funny.
Phoemeister: "you're such a honkey," said the whitest girl in america.
K: I think a parody of that song would be hilarious. "Ma honkeys." lol
Phoemeister: roflmao, I hadn't even thought of that
Phoemeister: We should write weird al. "You REALLY need to make a ma honkeys song."
K: That'd be great.
Phoemeister: "Us honkeys need a song, too you know."
K: lol...Yep, I was thinking the same thing
K: Damn straight.
Phoemeister: hunh, I wonder if he has a website you can e-mail.
Phoemeister: *now looking it up* :P
K: Hmm...I dunno.
Phoemeister: I mean, it would never get to the illustrous weird al himself, but it'd be fun
K: lol...Only us. =P
K: It would.
Phoemeister: d'oh. They have an "ask al" section, but it's closed until further notice
K: Aww...Damn them.
Phoemeister: do you know what's really bizarre? With different hair, no glasses or that mustache, Al's kind of cute
K: lol...I don't think I've ever seen him like that.
Phoemeister: http://www.weirdal.com/home.htm

the one that says gallery underneath it
Phoemeister: i'm so sad, though. No way to e-mail even his lackeys
K: That sucks.
Phoemeister: lol, Talia thinks weird al is cute too.

It DOES
Phoemeister: it makes me so annoyed, we just GOTTA find someone of weird al's caliber to make "ma honkeys"
K: lol
K: Yes, we do.
Phoemeister: Does Lehrer (Poisoning Pigeons in the Park) make songs anymore? *now has to look up his website, if the old guy has one*
Phoemeister: *or is even alive :P*
K: I'm not sure if he's still alive. And I've not heard of a greatest hits album coming out or anything. =
K: =P
Phoemeister: he has a greatest hits album
Phoemeister: or at least a lot of live albums
K: Well...I mean, any time soon. =P
Phoemeister: welp, most of the websites on him talk about him in the past tense, I think that pretty much sews it up :P
K: Wow...He [Weird Al] is pretty cute. =P
Phoemeister: lol, I love how I've got a guy checking weird al out now
Phoemeister: Do you think Adam Sandler could pull off "Ma Honkeys"?
K: LOL...Hey, I just said he was cute. =P
Phoemeister: you have to check him out, that's how you decide whether or not he's cute
K: Eh...Not his style. See Weird Al could pull off any style. Not Adam Sandler.
Phoemeister: true. I'm thinking of e-mailing one of adam's lackeys anyway, however, because I'm bored
Phoemeister: if I can find an e-mail addy
K: Ah. Well you should.
Phoemeister: ooh, I have found one. Muahahhaha
K: lol...It begins.
Phoemeister: and if adam sandler comes out with Ma honkeys, I'll be so proud
K: lol...Yeah, but you won't get any of the credit.
Phoemeister: still. I can be the crazy lady who is all like "I came up with that."
K: lol...Yep.
K: And I can be the crazy guy who believes you.
Phoemeister: awesome!
K: Yeah!

Here's the e-mail I ended up sending to one of Sandler's people:

Dear Adam Sandler,

(well, actually one of Adam Sandler's lackeys, but I don't know you, so this letter sounds better if I actually phrase it like I'm talking to the dude, I hope you understand)

I have a GREAT idea for a song, and after Weird Al (who has no way to e-mail any of HIS lackeys on his website) and Tom Lehrer (who I actually decided must've dies some time ago) you were the FIRST person I thought of coming to with it. Anyway, I think a parody of the song "Ma Niggas," entitled, "Ma Honkeys," would be really kickass, and I'm sure if you think about it, you do too. Seriously Mr. Sandler, we're both honkeys and proud of it. We need a song to rally to.

No, I'm not racist. Just a really big honkey.

Also: I'm currently trying to get a gourmet kosher food company off the ground. Would you be interested in promoting "Yeal," a reptile meat lovingly blessed by the highest quality rabbies we could find, or "Sau," a delicious white-fish that is similarly blessed?

Lastly: I wondered what you O tj about this quote:

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "

Site Color

Like the new color? Yea, I'm so bored I'm creating a poll over it. Periwinkle? I thought better of you, Angry White Girl Yea, this is better than that awful lime Why do you keep picking colors that are more suited to bridesmaid dresses than websites? Current Results

I had the greatest dream last night! Well....great for me. Other people's great dreams include flying, sex, or sex while flying. My great dreams are pretty plebian. "I dreamt that a friend and I went out to dinner, and it tasted really good," is more my pace. Oh, and good or bad, my dreams are always weird, so bear with me here:

I dreamt that Wanda and I and this guy Ed from my group in England were riding some bus having some class on biology or microbiology or something. The bus was really tricked out, like there were computer screens in the back of the seats, and they kind of had a chat room up where everyone was talking about what we were discussing. Plus, I think part of the dream took place on the tube, only it wasn't hot and stinky. I'm a little sketchy about that part of the dream.

Anyway, the whole class was discussing whether or not these certain organelles existed or not (the bus was so tricked out I was able to look at them under a microscope). Somehow, the discussion meandered into all sorts of weird-ass subjects, and Wanda, Ed, and I were cracking jokes about the dumb parts the whole time. There was totally a part where people started talking about sex changes, and Ed got a lot of mileage out of that.

Then, someone on the chat totally accused me of having a secret double life, with a husband named (I kid you not) "Till" that I hid away on the East coast. I was like huh? So Wanda and I were trying to figure out who it was, and the screenname we figured out after awhile, could belong to this guy we used to know online, and we figured he'd hacked into the chat to annoy us. Besides that screen name, there was one person with the name "HMS-YMCA" Now that I'm awake, I think that's perhaps the funniest part of the dream. My subconcious came up with, "Her Majesty's Ship Young Men's Christian Association"? Weird.

Then, we (our little group, not the whole class) started talking about losers we'd met online, and Wanda started telling me this story about how she met this guy online and then met him in person, and he had those HUGE noise-canceling headphones on. I was like "Hey, don't knock it. I'd probably buy one of those if I had enough extra cash lying around." And Ed was like agreeing with me, but Wanda was like, "You don't understand how dorky he was!" and drew a detailed diagram of how the guy had somehow managed to braid it into his hair. Then, she said, "Then I asked him why he hadn't braided more of his hair into it, and he said either, 'It's not long enough' or 'I'm not black!' (he was white). I can't remember." And I laughed so hard I woke up.

Anyway, Ed and Wanda have never met, but I think we could have a lot of fun together. Except I don't think Ed really wants to be friends with me, I IM'ed him for the first time yesterday, and I sort of caught an "eh, why's she IMing me?" vibe off of him. Which is sad because I think he's really cool. Well.....not cool. Extremely dorky, but the good way, how I'm extremely dorky and Wanda's extremely dorky, but not how that imaginary guy who braided his hair into his headphones and assumed black people did it more than he did was extremely dorky.

More weird (some scary) search requests:

3 for: sarcastic withdrawn sincere on Google. Nice.

6 for: permissive parents and serial killers on Yahoo. Hey, my parents aren't permissive! Err....wait a minute....

1 for: white girl jokes on AOL search. Hey, I'm happy to be #1 for any but the creepy ones, however off-base the search is.

20 for: "vicks" "fungus" on Yahoo. According to the 20 sites before me, Vicks is an awesome toenail fungus killer. Hunh. You learn something new every day.

9 for: masterbate with homemade devices on Yahoo. What? Store-bought's too expensive for you, buddy?

4 for: highschool class quotes for year 2006 on AOL. Eh....that one's not that funny. Plus, it's hard to follow homemade masterbation devices.

This one, I'm over 45 in, and I'm tired of looking at new pages, so suffice to say, whoever it was was determined to find: pictures+and+lessons+describing+and+teaching+girls+how+to+ma on Google. My creepy mind infers that "ma" is only the start of a certain word. Funnily, they had to wade thru about a thousand legit Massachusetts Education organizations' webpages.

Another over 45 one: loner freak weir on MSN. I have a feeling they were going for "weird" or "weirdo." As is, they got a whole lot of Sci-fi links.

Okay, this next one wins the title of "Funniest Not Creepy Hit": I'm 8 on Yahoo for: large barbeque conversation gimmicks. I didn't know there were gimmicks........ Wow, I'm going to own the next large barbeque I go to!

P.S. The monitor on this computer: Driving me NUTS. It's blinking and stuff. Mom thinks turning it off to rest it will work, but if it's blinking as much for her as it is for me, I guarantee there'll be a new one in a month or less. Or......more accurately, "I wishfully hope for a new one," though soon I'm at school with my lovely non-broken laptop.

Encore: Putting stuffed animals up around the place while singing "You Make Me Feel Like a Whore."

I'm a ray of sunshine, I tell you.

It came to me just now, as I was hanging my Lord of the Rings poster and singing along with great gusto to King Adora (particular lyrics: "On fire! Loins on fire! On fire! Loins on fire!") with my door wide open here at the dormitory, I have to either be the creepiest or coolest person on this floor, if not the entire world.

A Revolting Development

Before I left, I posted that I was really sad that my roommate (Siberia) was becoming an RA, and not living with me anymore. In fact, she was moving to a dormitory the opposite side of campus, a 20 minute walk (I'm a slow walker :P) from mine. I was sad because I'd see her less, and sad because I'd have to break in a new one, so to speak.

Well....here's the revolting development in the story: Apparently RA's have to bust people with drugs and stuff by themselves, instead of getting back up. If you're an RA, you have to walk alone, unarmed, into a room full of hostile drunk or high people and make them give you their ID's and such in order to punish them. Yea, that dumbass idea sounds typical of ISU policy. Plus, they told her stories about how people try to lock you in there, or jump out at you from the closets.

Surprise suprise: Sib doesn't want to be an RA anymore. But it's too late for her to move back in with me, (I've already been assigned one), and she's sort of tired of dorm living anyway and blah blah blah blah........leading up to: instead of her living 20 minutes by foot away from me, she's now living an hour and a half by automobile. She's commuting, and I'm out of a pretty good roommate for no good reason now.

The new roommate: we've talked on the phone, she seems nice. I'm still worried, though. First roommate was practically the nicest person I've ever met, except for her staying up till 4 a.m., and then making her alarm go off 8 times at 6 a.m. Plus I tend to worry anyway, it's pretty much my nature.

Excerpt from e-mail to friend, describing how I feel right now:

Oh, and I don't know if it's because I've been free from it 3 and a half weeks and I'm not used to it anymore, or what, but mom's nagging is like triply annoying now, I just want to make her leave me alone. She won't shut up about the most trifling things. It's not arguing, but she's driving me up a wall and I want to scream at her to shut up, but when I act irritated at all she all guilts me and is like "everything I do annoys you." And when I want to be like "damn straight," I all have to be like "oh....no you don't. It's just jet lag and I'm cranky." or some other sad placating lie.

You are 44% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

lol, I just saw this on Resume The Pose

And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said 'There is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create republicans.' --Bill Hicks

6) I had my first alcoholic beverage there.
7) I will later explain the phrase "I want the midget"
8) My prof let me call him "Scurvy."
9) The most annoying guy that ever lived was on our trip
10) I now own a pagoda cross stitch bookmark. AWE-some.

I guess that's all for now, because I totally wrote down my thoughts as I went, and I plan to put them up later.

Muahahahhaha! You thought you got rid of me, didn't you? Well, I'm baaaaaack.

I've got a lot of things planned for the blog

1) A recounting of my English (and Irish) adventures
2) A list of CD's I have (I was reeeeeeally bored at the beginning of the summer)
3) And the "Angry White Companion."

Anyway a brief summary of the trip before I put up the whole enchilada

1) Now that I'm back, it's weird to have the toilet just flush when I press down on the handle. I'm so used to pumping it because my ghetto bathroom in England (plus Wanda's and many public toilets) require this. My bathroom was especially ghetto because the door got stuck, making it very difficult to leave, and the shower water pressure was slim to nil. (Literally, it'd stop on us sometimes)
2) My mom is making up for all the nagging she missed during the last three weeks
3) I'm the only person losery enough to actually get a tan in England.
4) I had a great time and made a lot of friends, even with the girly girls I was making fun of on here before I left
5) Hostels = not so great idea for spoiled Americans. 12 beds, bunk-style. 1 guy next to me, snores like a buzz saw, farts like anything, and (accidently, at least I hope so) flashed one of my friends. Guy on bunk on top of mine, MOST ANNOYING GUY ALIVE (more on that later, he was actually part of our England group) I tell you though, the Irish hostel breakfast was great. I mean, any piece of toast you want, you've got it baby! (You just have to make it yourself and then wash your plate yourself.) I'm not complaining about that, though. Toast was free, I didn't think I'd get anything.

More later, we're going out to pizza hut. Cheese pizza in England: called Margharita (sp?). English people are weird.