This post will continue the proud Angry White Girl tradition of describing my bodily functions to strangers.

I threw up today. I swear, the last couple years I've thrown up more than I have in my entire life beforehand. I am not fond of this trend.

Do you know what's worse than throwing up, though? 2 things.

1) feeling like you have to throw up, knowing you're going to eventually have to throw up, and yet not throwing up. You can't get anything done, because you want to be ready for the throw up. And you feel very crappy.
2) dry heaves. Because they're almost as bad as throwing up, but they don't do the one good thing that regular throw up does for me, which is making me feel better for awhile.

anyway, I should probably be working on stuff, but I have a little class time off because of the throwing up, so I am using it to relax a little before going back to classwork and such.

Oh, and ever since I posted that excerpt of my grammar book on the blog EVERYONE calls me on the whole nauseous/nauseated thing :P

Okay, I thought the "Dave Grohl is pregnant with girl" thing awfully weird, but now I have a hit "Dave Grohl is pregnant with boy."

And I'm pretty sure both of these hits are from the same person, both were badly mis-spelled and corrected by Yahoo.

Anyway, I'm wondering how the latest hit is anatomically possible in any way

At 21 I'm falling apart

Colitis
Armpit Pain
and now I have this pain in my little toe. I think that's because I cut the nail too short, though. The armpit pain, which started out kind of funny, is not cool. I keep reaching for things and end up reaching for a world of hurt. And I can't sleep the way I want to, damn you armpit pain!

A mental pain--my archives not showing up. This blog is what I'm going to leave to my grandkids (or, since I don't plan to have children, the neighbors kids) when I shuffle off this mortal coil. It's for posterity, dammit. I want the space aliens who discover this planet thousands of years after we have anhillated each other to read it and be like, "That Angry White Chick sure was something." And then they could find my hair and re-animate me from my DNA for one day to be with my android son! Errr..... something like that.

More mental pain: Workload this week. I have 3 papers and a program due this week. Plus I have to begin recording of my radio ad (I'm doing it on Toyota Prius) and work on my "Little Man Computer" programs which are basically useless assembly language code that SUCKS and I want to SMACK them for making me do it. Plus D & D which is like, "Hey, 8 hours less for you to get it all done in!" You bastards.

I don't think I'm going to show Igraine this site after all, btw. While it's all well and good to show this stuff to space aliens thousands of years from now, or traumatize children who don't know me very well with it, I'd just as soon play it safe with the only friend I have right now.

I was worried. I hadn't gotten any funny search requests in awhile. But now I'm number one on yahoo for:

Dave grohl is pregnant with girl also love is pregnant with a girl

Uhm... I thought Dave was a boy. That must be interesting

Also, I'm thinking of giving Igraine the url for this page. If I do, she'll be the first person I actually know in real life who'll know about it. The main obstacle to showing it to people is the fact that I use it to complain about them. But I've never really had any reason to complain about her, so that's not a problem. The real question is if I want to show the weird side of me (i.e. hermaphrodite cocker spaniels, armpit pain, and obsessing over whether or not the people at that D&D session like me at all, or even the fact that I play D & D) to be out there in the open. I usually tone that side of me down a bit when i'm actually interacting with people.

The only real reason I started thinking about showing it to her anyway is I said I'd give her the url to the pages where I have pictures and things, but it would be so much easier to give her one central url. And, I'm kind of curious to see what someone who actually knows me would think about this page. Probably that I'm deadly boring.

Oh, and speaking of Wee Pee the Hermaphrodite Cocker Spaniel? This is totally a dog that actually exists. I've made light about it, but I really feel sorry for the dog and am posting a link in the hope that someone will read this site and also feel sorry for Wee Pee (I mean, its not his fault he was born that way and that some bastard decided it would be funny to give him the name Wee Pee) and adopt him (I can't myself because I'm poor and live in a dorm) or bring him to the attention of someone who could.



See? Isn't he cute?

Welp, I had my first El Classo Diablo (169) test last night. (in fact, I should be programming for el classo right now, but yet I blog)

Surprisingly, not too bad. Draining, but I pretty much knew what I was doing except for the reserve function that I forgot to study first. D'oh @ me.

I actually brought some leftover Avanti's food with me. I had dinner with Igraine before the test, and just brought it along with me. I totally wanted to try snacking during the test to mess with people's heads, but I didn't have enough courage.

Igraine and I had fun too. We talked about what we've been doing in class lately, among other things. She thinks I should do my radio ad about Depends (adult diapers). I can't use people my age to voice old people, though. We were thinking about old people I know, and came to the conclusion that I should try and get the prof we had on the trip to do it. That would be SO hilarious, but I bet he'd get all offended if I told him I wanted him to be the spokesperson for my adult diapers ad. Others I am considering: lawyer ad ("did someone allow you to run into the back of their car, and you got injured?? Sue!"), or.... well, actually, that's about all I got.

Lastnight was bad sleep-wise, though. Not only did I stupidly go to bed late because I was looking at this website about pets (more about that when I re-get the url from Talia) but I just couldn't sleep. The armpit pain doesn't bother me much during the day, because it only hurts when I have my arm in a certain position, but my favorite sleeping position kills my armpit, so I'm all tossing and turning and crap because of the stupid armpit pain.

And some random guy called me at 3:00 a.m. because he meant to call someone else. My phone freaks me out when I'm sleepy. It's just so loud and jarring. So yeah.

Man that was a boring post. But I swear, I mean to give a shout out to Wee Pee the hermaphrodite Cocker Spaniel in the next post.

Woo! Manumission has linked to me. I'm always excited when people link to me. It makes me feel like I matter, man.

Where Do All The Porn Stars Go?

I went in to the "file info" for a track I was playing on WinAmp and, for kicks, looked at the "genres" you had to choose from. As well as the "normal" genres, and even some obscure genres that you have no idea what they are (Dark Wave, Black Metal, Chanson), there are some hilarious genres. Here are the genres WinAmp has that make me laugh:

"Booty Bass"
"Christian Gangsta" (And this is in addition to already having a "Christian Rap" category.)
"Polsk Punk" (Did a poor typist mangle "Post Punk," or is this like some sort of weird Polish punk?)
"Porn Groove" (I really really don't want to meet anyone who rips music from porn movies and plays it on the computer. Oh, and the next time I write a fake-band news article, their sound is totally going to be described as, "Porn Groove meets Christian Gangsta")

Now excuse me, I have to go and label every single song I have on my computer as "Porn Groove" or "Christian Gangsta."

The White Men In The Black Suits

Good song. Anyway, I'm posting to say that despite my armpit pain, I am still alive. Apparently it worried some people. I find this touching.

That is all.

I've had this burning pain in my right armpit lately.

I think that means something might be wrong.

Bleh, I'm so depressed. I'm tired of hearing how I'll never get a job. And I hate how they're all, "Well, you can make it in this business if you work hard and take risks!" And I hate how I don't work hard. Or take risks. And mope about it. And whine about it

Anyway, I keep being like, "I'll work harder," but I never do. And then I whine about it. What is my problem?


--Random rant brought to you by: Me

I take exception to the recent ads for the newest episode of Frasier. For those who haven't seen these promos, let me summarize:

Narrator: The Crane family secret REVEALED!!

Daphne (to Frasier): You can't ride a bike??
Frasier (pointing @ Niles): Well he can't either!
Niles: I disgust myself!

Why do I take exception to this? I can't ride a bike. Yes, yes, my secret shame is revealed. I am poorly coordinated, and was scared of getting on a bike when I was a kid. As soon as the training wheels came off, I refused to get back on. After a few years of only half-hearted attempts at trying to learn, I gave up. I'm a givver upper. I still don't know how to ride a bike. So Frasier is really only rubbing in how pathetic I am :P

My mom is a hippie, my dad is a rocker, and my grandpa is old, weird Harold!

My pseudo-birthday has gotten much better. When I got home, my mom and I ended up listening to a whole lot of her and dad's old records, which I always enjoy. The hilarious thing is my mom totally has all this hippie music (but she's republican to the core). Joan Baez, The Mamas and The Papas, Bob Dylan, Peter Paul and Mary. I swear "Blowin' in the Wind" was on at least three records by the people I just mentioned. Hippies just LOVE "Blowin' in the Wind." It's hippie music. My dad, the most mild mannered guy I know, was a rocker. He's got the Steppenwolf and the CCR and the Zager & Evans. I think I inherited a lot of both of their music tastes, it's kind of funny. I'm all about rock, and I also like a lot of the sort of music that hippie music evolved into. I wonder if my parents were young now, if my Dad would be all into Incubus and my mom would be all into Ben Folds. I would laugh.

We also listened to this comedy album of Bill Cosby's, it was hilarious. One of the bits was called, "Old weird Harold," which I found hilarious, because my dad calls my grandpa (named Harold) "old weird harold," and now I know it's because of this album, not just because my grandpa is old and weird.

So I'm the daughter of a hippie and a rocker, and my grandpa's old weird Harold! I love it!

conclusions I have drawn:
1) From Hello Dolly: I must say "fellas" more often
2) From Convoy: I must say 10-100 all the time (CB lingo for "I have to use the bathroom")
3) From Convoy: I must say "Sock it in the pocket!" until people get all mad at me

ACS BROKE MY WILL TO LIVE

I HATE PROGRAMMING. YOU SPEND MORE DAMN TIME DEBUGGING THAN YOU DO THE ACTUAL PROGRAM. AND I SUCK AT IT.

I fucking busted my HUMP writing the bastard program due today. I wrote all the stupid documentation, longer than the actual program. I wrote the whole program. BUT MY DAMN READING FUNCTION HAS AN ENDLESS LOOP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX. I worked, and worked, and worked some more on this program, but the BEST, the VERY BEST I can get on the thing is a D now. It doesn't matter how many hours I spent on this. It doesn't matter how well the rest of it works (though no doubt the rest is pretty crappy, because I can't test it, because I HAVE A DAMN INFINITY LOOP at the beginning of my program). I am SCREWED. SCREWED. And I was finally getting a C in the class. I doubt I'm even passing Hardware and Software concepts. My hard-earned 3.5 GPA will go DOWN THE TOILET after this semester. I worked all day and night of my BIRTHDAY to write half this damn program. And it's ruining today, the day after, my "pseudo-birthday" when my family is going out to dinner with me and I'm opening my gifts. FUCKING PROGRAM. I HATE YOU. And I'm hungry, because my damn colitis makes me spend all my eating time on pooping. DAMN COLITIS. I HATE YOU.

Me Talking About How I Got To Draw A Pimp on the Board In Hardware And Software Concepts Class

or

What I Talk About When I'm Supposed To Be Programming Instead Of Talking

Phoemeister: He was about to draw a guy on the board, because it was illustrating something, and someone's like "give him muscles!" so I was like, "Give him a fedora!" and the prof made me draw him. So I gave him blue shorts and a red fedora and bowtie, and a slick pimp cane
Phoemeister: True story
Phoemeister: That was the best H&S class for some time :P
Phoemeister: Ever, even
Talia: because it involved pimps?
Phoemeister: Of course.

Phoemeister: ah. Well tell me what you'd do about the D & D situation if it was you?

I feel really freaked out about hanging out with strangers. Like, not that they're going to hack me up with an axe or anything, more that feel like I have to constantly try to win their approval. Especially since it's a group that I'm trying to break into. I hate feeling like that

but on the other hand, I have like, no friends. And it's because of stuff like being freaked out by strangers, no doubt. Though one on one strangers are a lot less freaky than a whole group of them
Phoemeister: And, if I decide I don't want to, what's a good way to weasel out of it?
Talia: well I think it IS a good idea that you get out and see new people, but it might be a better idea if you had your car so you don't have to depend on them for when you get to go home... but that involves explaining to your mom...
Talia: and if you decide to not go, tell them the truth, you have absolutely no time
Phoemeister: Yeah, that's annoying. Plus car parking is expensive, and since I wasn't able to reserve at the beginning of the year, I can't for the rest of the year, even if I wanted to

heh, yeah. I actually lied and said I had an 8 o'clock class today just to get them to take me home already. I mean, they were getting around to it sooner or later, but it sort of gave them more urgency. And I really did have a job interview early today, but this gives me an excuse to leave a tiny bit early every time I go, if I keep going

That is a good idea. I'll probably go to one more (since I said I would), plus I'll get to try actually playing, it sounds like. Then I'll make up my mind. I'm just so... undecidey. It's been gnawing at me the whole day while I programmed :P
Phoemeister: The next time is actually the wednesday after next week, because I have a test next wednesday night.
Phoemeister: Oh, and am I illogical or what: I can't tell you how many millions more times nervous I was when I found out I actually knew a couple of the people. Isn't that weird? Shouldn't you be less nervous?
Talia: and an added bonus? gamer men are female desperate hehe
Phoemeister: lol. Actually, at least two of them have girlfriends that were over last night
Talia: naw I'd definitely be more nervous around people I went to school with thatn strangers
Talia: that's 2 out of 4
Phoemeister: phew, I'm not crazy. I mean, I figure if the strangers don't like me, I'm a footnote that they'll never think about again. Whereas the people from the drama class see me as an ass from drama (believe me, I was the worst actor, and had the stupidest roles) and then they see me being an ass again, they're going to be like, "Phoe Lastname is a total ass. I know this from two separate occasions."
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: you won't quit :P
Talia: I'm just picking
Phoemeister: I've actually kind of made aquaintances with this guy from Hardware and Software concepts. It's killing me, though, I can't figure out his name for the life of me
Phoemeister: And I talked to this guy in my Media Writing class. Only it's weird, we sit next to each other like, every day in Media Writing, but the only time he ever talks to me is when we're observing at the TV station for another class
Phoemeister: oh, and I might have made friends with the (only) other girl in my Hardware and Software concepts. Sort of. Maybe aquaintances

For the holy love of pete:

I really AM turning into a programmer. My hand says "overload =, check for NULL" right now.

I am loser²

... the job interview didn't go so well. First of all, I found out it's not the job I wanted anyway. (I applied for several different positions) And on top of that: I SUCK AT INTERVIEWS. Partly because I haven't done any crap ever. If I'd actually had a real job before, when they ask me what my greatest responsibility so far has been, I could say something besides, "Really, a trained monkey could perform the greatest responsibility I've had so far."

And programming.... has not been good. I might have to turn in an incomplete program. I really shouldn't be wasting time posting this, but I gave myself a break because I just can't take it anymore.

And my colitis is pissing me off. It was substantially better after I started these pills, but still pretty inconvenient. So they upped the pills, and now I'm doing worse. You'd think taking 12 pills a day would fix things, but no. No it doesn't. Damn you, colitis! Damn you all!

Well, the D & D guy took me to D & D yesterday. I'm very conflicted about the whole experience.

First of all, they picked me up at 3:30, and I didn't get back until after 12. So... though there were a few breaks and they didn't start immediately and everything, that's 8 and 1/2 hours of D & D. I don't know if I like doing 8 1/2 hours straight of anything.* Plus, I'm having a hugely busy semester. Do I really need to chop out 8 hours a week out of my already hectic schedule? I'm already going to have to spend my whole birthday programming and half my weekend splicing audio tape because of this first session. Also, it was almost 8 1/2 hours on a hard chair. My butt was throbbing, man. Not to mention that I was ravenous, even though they offered me food I would not eat it, because I did not want to be kicked into colitis mode in some stranger's house.

And here's a strange twist--I actually went to high school with almost all of them, though they were a class behind me. The two guys who came to pick me up and I were really surprised to find we went to high school, because we didn't remember each other at all. It was kind of creepy to both be making this claim, but not recognizing each other. But then, weirdly enough, I did recognize (and they recognized me) two of the other guys, from this awful drama class we had together. I totally wanted to bolt the second I saw them. As weird as it is to beg strangers on the internet to be your friends, at least you sort of have a fresh start with them. People that I acted like an ass in front of in high school honestly frighten me. I'm like thinking, "Do they remember me trying to act out Yertle the Turtle? God that was an embarrassing class."

But what was cool is that they were really nice to me. They really made an effort to try and make me fit in a little, and would ask me how I liked it from time to time. I think this was also an effort to get me to talk more, because I was uncharacteristically silent. Basically, partly because I didn't want to embarrass myself, but also because it was hard to come up with things to say. They talked a lot about video games, of which I know nothing. And made all these references to movies that I had about a 50/50 chance of getting. Same with music. And then, even if I did know and like the song, I felt stupid being like, "oh! I love that song!" multiple times. It's like, "Good for you!" And also, though they were pretty funny, and I laughed a lot when I got the jokes, a certain amount of their humor involved verbally abusing each other. Which, I couldn't really join in on, because I don't know these people, and they don't know me.

Anyway, at one point I was all thinking, "I'm never coming back." Because I had a headache, buttache, and I had only been watching so far, which gets pretty old after a few hours. But they kept asking me what I thought, and if I wanted to come back and stuff. And seeing as how I had several hours left to go, I didn't want to make it all awkward for the rest of the time left by being all, "No. I don't like it." Because I couldn't really leave without one of the other people having to leave to drive me back. So I think I'm going to come back at least one more time. And if I still don't think I like it enough to spend 8 hours a week on it, I'm going to somehow find a way to gracefully beg off. If at all possible.

____
* Okay, I used to be able to read that long if I picked up a suspenseful book. I could've possibly done that with a computer game (if my mom had let me) back in the day. But NOTHING else except for sleep can I honestly say I love to do for 81/2 hours in a row.

Well, except for the whole "missing TV lab" thing, I'm feeling kind of cheerful right now. Which is weird, because I shouldn't. I have a paper due tomorrow and a program due on friday. I have to talk to my TV prof to get him to let me make up the class somehow. D & D guy still hasn't called back, and I don't know whether or not to wait or call back again. And the other reasons that I'm usually depressed.

But, on Thursday, I have a job interview! I hope, so hard, that I get it. I'm 21 and I've only worked for like, 4 months in my life. And the majority of that was for a store that I got my job there because NO ONE wanted to work there.

So I'm out to seek my future. In a brand new polyester pantsuit.