Today was my sister's birthday. We didn't really have much to give her. Since her husband's birthday was right before the move and hers is right after, we just got them both cash at about when his was, to save them from having more things to move. We also went out to dinner.

I felt kind of sorry for her. The whole time, my parents are all fixated on the baby and what he's doing. I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for her. If she really wanted to, I suppose she could've just gotten a sitter for tonight. Heaven knows it would be easier. Since the 'phew got to the stage where he could crawl, he hates being confined at restaurants. But... I dunno. Your birthday is supposed to be about you. I know that it's ego centric, but I myself like to know there's one day of the year that's all about me, presents or no presents. But today was her day. And it turned out to be all about the baby.

But again: maybe she doesn't care so much. And I know I tried to talk to her, but I don't know if that really helped. Her and I just don't have that much to talk about anymore, for some reason. I weirdly have tons more in common with her husband (who I'm ambivalent about. Sometimes he's really fun to be around, and I feel like he's a moral ally with me against my mom, whose behavior everyone else is always making excuses for. But sometimes he is just plain mean, and I don't know if he hates all of his in-laws (including me) to say the things he says, or if it's just teasing and he doesn't know when to quit).

My parents, though.... it's like they're the people who you were friends with in high school just because you had a car. Only like, 1,000 times worse, because it's your own parents doing it! I guess that's kind of a harsh judgement, because they did visit my sister quite a bit (more than me when I didn't live with them, actually). But now... it's just creepy. Like they ignore everything else when the baby's around.

I dunno. Maybe my sister doesn't mind at all, and is just grateful for all the help. I am probably projecting. I honestly can't remember how my last birthday went, but my graduation fucking sucked. Not just because the baby. It was because no one cared. My grandpa didn't care enough to come. My sister left halfway through, my mom made me dress how she wanted, the university didn't bother getting a good speaker since it was only the winter graduation.... but yeah, it did kind of blow when we had dinnner afterwards and it was all about the baby....

Anyway, I guess that's why I can't get myself hyped about holidays or birthdays anymore. No one around my house cares. They just go out and buy whatever you tell them to, and then we have dinner. And now the dinner is pretty much turned to, "Oh look! The baby's eating peas! He sure likes those peas! Uh oh, he dropped a pea! Here, you can have some of my peas if the baby's done with yours!"

And I kind of feel sorry for the baby. Because when you're little, people care THAT much about you. And then it all kind of fades away the older you get, until you feel invisible, like me.

All I can do is hope, I guess. I hope he's better at life than I am. I hope he does find people who care, and the people who care now still care when he's not "cute" anymore instead of just dumping him like some broken toy.