I'm aimless. Adrift.

And not just because I can't choose a major, though that is terrifying in and of itself.

It's because I skate through life making the minimum possible effort.

My grades are pretty good--but I might be almost straight A material if I tried hard.
I complain about not having any friends--but I don't try very hard to make new ones (Although I try to fiercely maintain the relationships I do have)
I complain about guys not likeing me--but I am too embarassed to flirt.
I complain about gaining weight since I've gotten to college--but I'm too lazy to excercise and have too poor willpower to fix my eating habits.

In fact, the last one embodies almost everything that's wrong with me. Lack of motivation.

With excercise, even if I can find something relatively easy (such as treadmill walking) I still get bored, no matter how hard I try to entertain myself while doing it. The first week, I'm like hell yea! I'm going to be healthier, and lighter, and so on! I'm so excited. And then gradually....I lose interest. I do that with a lot of things. I have an incredibally short attention span. I'd like to blame my ADD....but I do that for a lot of things. And even if it IS ADD, that's still part of who I am and I have to deal with it.

I act this way also when it comes to:
-schoolwork
-crochet
-writing
-diary (blogging must be easier is why I've stuck with it--whoohoo, at least I have one thing!)

And many other things. The only thing I've ever stayed with was Scholastic Bowl (it's like a competative trivia game between schools and such). Wierd, huh? That something that stupid is the only thing I've ever really been dedicated to. I mean, I actually went to great lengths to memorize TONS of completely useless information for it. Too bad it's not something I could base a career on. There's no "Professional Game Show Contestant" job description in the papers, last I looked. And too bad it's not something I can really apply to anything else very easily.

And lack of willpower. I can't stop myself from doing things. I eat what I shouldn't, do fun things when I'm supposed to be doing my homework, etc. I just can't stop myself. I'm a weak willed woman.

What can I do about all of this? Resolve to change! Here, and now!
(Watch me slip back into apathy in less than a week--hell, I'm there now. Screw it.)