So... real sales tactics aren't as persuasive to me as stupid things, apparently. Today I ended up picking up a chocolate graham cracker at the cafe just because I ended up standing there long enough to convince myself to do it. And I basically got my internet through the electric company (they kind of brokered the deal between me and the cable company) because I felt bad for the guy I was talking to. I'd already shot him down on landline phone and cable TV and I was hearing a hint of desperation in his voice. And I wanted cable internet anyway.

Anyway, I think the bulk of the move will happen one Wednesday or Thursday, as those are my days off. It all hinges on Carmax and her truck, though, and I've had a lot of trouble getting ahold of her when I need to the last few months. I hope it works out.

I think most of the smaller things I might go gradual on. And I need to buy a few things too.

Also, the computer came today! My internet at the appartement won't be hooked up until the 6th, or I'd be tempted to go over there and set it up now.

Got my keys! Think I can fit in the couch and bed without resorting to a loft! I actually do have a closet! Signed up for high speed internet through my electric company somehow! Good times!

So guess what? My landlord called today, and I can pick up my keys tomorrow! I have some prep to do (packing, eyeballing the space to decide how much furniture I can cram in), but then I'm moving in!

Also, my computer shipped yesterday, and should get here in 3-5 business days.

Everything is coming up Phoemeister!

I also wanted to mention that tonight was pretty cool, I went to Denny's with Sista, Optpri, and Elaine. We discussed serial killers, having sex with JFK's gunshot wound, and their line of fruity drinks with names such as "rasdango" and "Banana Strawberry OJ Fizzle."

Also, I think I came up with the best comeback ever:

Elaine (to me): You crackhead!
Me: I think you mean cracker.

So I was thinking of having TWO moving in parties, as the thought of only getting two people to come to my "real" one depresses me a little. So this one would kind of be quantity and the other quality. And this way Sista could come to the first one, even if she couldn't come to the second one.

I'm thinking of inviting EVERYONE from the store, and then the one high school friend I hang out with, and my sister. But inviting my sister means my parents would probably be all, "why aren't we invited?" and even though I'll have to tone down my usual talk about such things as "ass raping monkeys*" anyway if my sister and my christian friend came, it would still be a HUGE lame downer to have my frickin' parents to a party. But I'm hoping I could get them to see reason. Having my sister there would be nice, as she actually can be fun sometimes. It might suck for her, though, not knowing anyone there. But she could always feel free to bring her husband, since they have no lack of babysitters in the form of three sets of grandparents.

Then, I know everyone from the store won't actually come, as my pitiful attempts in the past have proved. But I HAVE been told part of the lack of enthusiasm for previous ventures has been lack of booze, so I'm thinking of making margaritas. I really don't want to have to buy a whole lot of beer, especially since I don't particularly like beer, but do like fruity girly mixed drinks. Also, Sista proclaims her love for margaritas constantly, so I figure I have at least one person agreeing with me there. But I don't know, margaritas might not be that big of a draw.

Lastly, I don't know if I should come up with something to do. I am perfectly happy with hanging out with people and not really doing anything, but I have learned not everyone likes that. Is free food, and moreover free alcohol, enough of a draw on it's own? It totally would be for me but again..... I don't know.

Thoughts? Advice?
____
* direct quote from P 2 tha E on what I tend to obsess over.

More Ryan talk (I can't help it! These convers must be saved for posterity!)

Sui: what's great about having retarded babies, is you basically just all the things you would normally not do during pregnancy
Phoemeister:I could get drunk and smoke and fall down all I want
Sui: woo!
Sui: it's a party
Phoemeister: "I love to fall down!"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: maybe I could get that abusive boyfriend I've always wanted
Sui: at least when your boyfriend beats you, you won't have to worry about the baby
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I beat you to tat joke!
Sui: damnit!
Phoemeister: for once I win!
Phoemeister: I do think it's eerie how often we both say basically the same thing
Sui: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Phoemeister: you're in MY HEAD
Phoemeister: I am not your John Malkovich!
Sui: haha
Sui: I was thinking about that movie the other day
Sui: and how like.. 20 years from now if someone watches it
Sui: and didn't know
Sui: and thought it was a biography about John Malkovich

In which I make fun of things for sale at the swedish american museum center in Chicago:

Phoemeister: holy jesus, there's this series of four books about swedish emigrants and it just gets more and more depressing
Phoemeister: THE EMIGRANTS (BOOK 1)
The story why one out of every five Swedes went to America on a dangerous quest for freedom.
Sui: BOOK 5: DYING HORRIBLY IN A BOAT WHILE LYING IN YOUR OWN FECES
Phoemeister: So it's like, "okay, sweden sucks. Let's make a dangerous quest to go to america. But where will we stay when we leave our frozen homeland?"
Phoemeister: UNTO A GOOD LAND (BOOK 2)
Karl Oskar and Kristina Nilsson arrive in America and make their way to Minnesota.
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: "Okay, we're in Minnesota. Not really worth all the work to get here, but at least we are allowed to own our own land."
Phoemeister: THE SETTLERS (BOOK 3)
How the family loses their farm amidst great struggle and poverty.
Phoemeister: "shit, we lost our farm. Now what are we going to do? We can't even afford to go back to Sweden now."
Phoemeister: LAST LETTER HOME (BOOK 4)
The decision to stay in America and the need for a Swedish church and pastor.
Phoemeister: "I guess we're here to stay. We'll have to hire a pastor to make us feel better about our new horrible lives in Minnesota."
Sui: haha


Sui: do they have caldendars with the swedish bikini team?
Phoemeister: no
Sui: damn
Phoemeister: but you can get "THE SCANDINAVIAN ELVES, their Life & History
Want to know the difference between elfs and other beings? Learn the elf laws? Great color illustrations. "
Phoemeister: you could learn elf LAWS Ryan
Sui: haha
Sui: lies!
Sui: Elves have no laws!
Phoemeister: the first law of elves: you don't talk about the elves!
Sui: it's pure anarchy in the elvish kingdom!
Phoemeister: second law of elves: YOU DON"T TALK ABOUT ELVES
Sui: what about just swedish bikini team members for sale
Phoemeister: no swedish bikini team members, but you could get "THE SCANDINAVIAN TROLL, their Life & History
Why did the trolls feel unjustly treated? If you are under a spell, what do you do? Great color illustrations. "
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: You could have great color illustrations just in case you end up under a spell and can't read anymore
Sui: why are the trolls and elves books the same?
Phoemeister: haha, I don't know
Sui: haha it will be like a little reference card
Sui: next to "what to do when you're choking" and "how to care for a burn"
Phoemeister: LOL
Suibrom: "What to do when you're under a spell"
Sui: it's got a little troll guy
Sui: like.. giving the heimlich maneuver
Sui: only you're vomitting up spells
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I wish that enchantmants were as easy to get over as someone giving you the heimlich
Phoemeister: only if the spell was crabs or BO then no one would touch you to give you the heimlich
Sui: haha
Sui: Cure for BO Spell: take a shower
Suibrom: Cure for Crabs Spell: Hit 'em with the special shampoo.... spell.


Phoemeister: I think they should add "for your very own sweatshop!" to the description of this:
LOOM
Loom for children of 5 years of age and up. Weaving instructions included. 11 in x 15.7 in
Sui: haha
Sui: put your kids to work!
Sui: with the new "children's loom!"
Phoemeister: there's all these babies toys in here that aren't swedish either. They have like three different rattles on here that you could pretty much buy at Walmart
Phoemeister: "comes with the book sweatshops for fun and profit"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "includes tips such as how to keep your workers happy with swedish american rattles."
Sui: "Teach your kids to make your money for you"
Phoemeister: "we believe our children are our future--and they can be your future too! Learn how they can help you retire early!"
Sui: haha nice


Sui: in the same shopping center, there is this "indoor discount mall" or something
Sui: and in big letters it says "OPEN EVERY DAY 10 - 7"
Sui: and then in small letters under that, it says "except tuesday"
Sui: which I thought was funny
Phoemeister: that is great
Phoemeister: I would show up on Tuesday and vandalize the place. I'd spraypaint, "WHAT THE FUCK? TUESDAY IS A DAY TOO."
Sui: hahah
Sui: yeah it makes me wonder what's special about tuesday that they're not open
Sui: or maybe, they're open but not from 10-7
Phoemeister: maybe they get the crabs spell every tuesday
Sui: haha
Sui: damn trolls
Sui: ruining my discount shopping on tuesday experience

Phoemeister: Elf Law 3: whoever smelt it, dealt it
Sui: hahah
Sui: "This is difficult to enforce because elves have such good senses of smell"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I love how there are already problems endemic to the elf law enforcement system

Also, I heart BOASAS very much.

I really felt like crap today (colitis--so you know it was really bad for me to leave. If I took off EVERY time I felt moderately shitty due to colitis I would never work) so I ended up leaving about an hour into my shift. I kind of hate the way we have the whole thing set up. If you do not come to work, leave early, or come late, even if you have a good excuse, you get an occurance. You get however many occurances in six months, you're reprimanded, and if you keep it up you get fired.

Which sucks because it means even if we're technically allowed personal time, it still looks bad to the rest of the company if you ever want a promotion or transfer. And if you hit the magic number you're in trouble. EVEN IF YOU HAVE A CRIPPLING BOWEL DISEASE THAT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.

Anyway, I lied (laid?) around most of the day. Usually I can get into kind of a doze that makes the time pass quicker until my body becomes reasonable again, but my parents were talking up a storm right outside my room today for some reason, so the painful day just crawled by.

After I felt better (about 5:00), my parents took me to Noodles, though. So that was a positive note.

Hmm..... I really wish I knew whether or not we are going to have an employee appreciation days this July, because I have stuff I want to buy that if I don't get a special day for, I just want to go ahead and buy already.

Add to that:

Giraffes? Giraffes! and Your Disgusting Head, two faux children's reference books put out by the McSweeney's people. They're in the bargain section right now, for like 3 bucks each. Hilariously, they are in with the actual children's books, and people have been mistaking them for such.

Music I am thinking of buying or stealing: Of Montreal: The Sunlandic Twins.

Book I am thinking of reading: I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith.

I also have to buy something for my nephew's birthday. And then my Dad's birthday.

Speaking of which, today was the brother in law's birthday, and I apparently picked well for him. He has liked books by Jon Stewart and Bill Maher, and the only other passions of his I know of are sports and Star Wars, of which I know not that much. So I went ahead and got him Brain Droppings by George Carlin. I figure it is snarky and observational enough, and I didn't think he had it already. I kind of wanted to get When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops, but I couldn't find it that day, and to be honest I took like 2 minutes picking this out for him. But he did say he liked it, so I think I'm pretty awesome. I'm still no Optpri, but I really think working in a book store is honing my picking out books for other people skills.

Today sucked a lot less, though I did get this one stupid customer who made a whole big thing about the rewards program. NEWSFLASH, buddy! You can just say no, and be done with it instead of being a big jerkoff about the whole thing. Of course, it is a lot more fun to take it out your weird anger issues on someone who only makes 7 bucks an hour and has absolutely no control over anything anyway.

I forgot to mention a conver I had yesterday with Renegade that was pretty funny.

Me: So, Sexy says I'm having a Renegade-level bad mood today.
Renegade: I'm not in a bad mood! He only thinks I'm in a bad mood because I hate him, and thus by definition am in a bad mood whenever I have to talk to him.

So then today, I'm stuck in some stupid conver with Sexy (mainly him still thinking I'm in a bad mood. Since I'm such a loud person normally, if I'm ever being low-key, people take my lack of singing, dancing, and hurling lewd insults at their mother as me being in a bad mood, mainly I was just tired today) and after he goes away, Renegade is like:

"He's such a douche. You think he's a douche too! Admit it!"
Me: Yeah. He really is. And when he was asking me why I'm in a bad mood again, I said, "Yeah, that happens," but what I was really thinking was of what you told me yesterday, and I wanted to say, "yeah, because I have to talk to YOU!"

In other news, Sista also said something amusing today as well:

Me: Yeah, well I can't just have sex with a guy if he doesn't want to. It takes two people, to decide this, you know!
Sista: No. It only takes one person, Phoe. One person and a high powered roofie. You can do it. I believe in you!

Okay.... major irritating whininess.

Wait for it...

wait for it....

and.... NOW!

Man..... I don't know if it's because I had such a crappy day or what, but I'm so depressed and lonely tonight. I always feel like doing stuff with people, but I never think about it until the last minute, and then I feel bad because the people are like, "um.... this is kind of last minute." And if I do call, EVERY PERSON EVER has more of a life than I do, and it involves a lot of haggling to come up with a good time for them to hang out. I wish people would just call me up to hang out, because I am free 90% of the time I don't work, and thanks to the store's crappiness, I only work like 30 hours a week nowadays, and it would be a lot easier if someone was like, "Hey, let's hang out, I'm free Tuesday" or whatever. But on the other hand, since they have MORE on their plate, it seems kind of crappy for me to be like, "Hey, you do all the work here."

Either way I feel like the needy one.

Which is stupid. I've even been invited to two parties recently! Two! Though.... I'm way better in small groups or one on one interactions. Especially if I'm plunged into a group of people I don't know. And it's looking like I can't really make the second one, anyway... But still. That is probably more parties than I was invited to for the whole of my college career.

I guess I should just blame my crappy day. Or the fact that we're into summer, and there is no good TV on. And my computer's broken so I can't play any games. And there's nothing good to binge eat around the house. And my parents dialup sucks so much tonight I can't even do what I've finding myself doing strangely often lately, which is just look at sites selling cell phones, cable internet services, mp3 players, or tea (strangely enough). And no one's online.

I've got a perfectly good Neil Gaiman book to read, though, but I just don't feel like it.

Sui: Dick Cheney says in regards to the argument about the war in Iraq, "Like the catholics, I consider pulling out a sin"
Phoemeister: HAHA, really???????
Sui: haha no
Phoemeister: awww
Sui: but he says "pulling out is the worst possible thing to do"
Phoemeister: I would've hated him slightly less for being funny, being vulgar, and making fun of catholics
Suibrom: that's the picture they have next to the "Cheney says pulling out is the worst thing to do" caption
Sui: he does look pretty distraut about pulling out
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: it looks like someone said, "Do you want some candy?"
and he was like, "Candy!?!? I'd love some!"
and the other person was like, "Psyyyyyche!"
Phoemeister: and he's like, "No candy?"
Sui: hahah
Sui: "but.. but.. I can't finish if I pull out.. D: "
Sui: though, the visual of someone saying "psyyyyyyche" to the vice president is pure gold
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: thanks
Phoemeister: well maybe it would fit into your scenario too.

"let's do it!"
"okay!"
*they get pretty far*
Psyyyyyyche! Pull out right now!
Sui: haha
Sui: that works too
Suibrom: but it's just not the same as deriving him candy
Phoemeister: no one says psyche anymore. I should bring that back
Phoemeister: yeah
Sui: haha I agree
Phoemeister: I really thought that was a "what? no candy?" face
Phoemeister: ".....you said there'd be candy."
Sui: haha
Sui: psyyyyyche
Phoemeister: hmm, for that picture, I can also see someone going, "Give me five!" and then doing that thing where they take their hand back and run it through their hair and saying, "Too slow, Cheney. Too slow. You will never be one of the cool kids."
Sui: hahah
Sui: nice
Sui: I like the image of cheney getting dissed
Sui: no matter the way
Phoemeister: me too
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: in reality, cheney would probably just get out a shotgun and shoot the guy
Sui: haha
Sui: in the face!
Sui: Cheney is straight gangsta
Phoemeister: and then tell the guy, "I will shoot you again if you don't pretend we are friends"
Phoemeister: and then 24 hours later put out a press release saying he shot the guy but they're still friends
Sui: "I shot you once, don't think I won't do it again. YOu better say we're friends"
Phoemeister: that's a brilliant idea though
Phoemeister: I could make a lot more friends by shooting people int he face
Sui: dude, we totally should have done that when you were here
Sui: we can be best friends
Sui: by shooting eachother in the face
Sui: I get to go first though

I hate the world!

Phoemeister: people are stupid!

which, by the way, I did look at the computer at work today and I DID bring back that book and those fuckers forgot to check it back in, and if they still make me pay for it I will be uber-pissed
Phoemeister: yuck :/
Sui: bah that sucks
Sui: jerks
Sui: kill them all
Phoemeister: I know!
Phoemeister: today blew so bad
Sui: doh why?
Phoemeister: they didn't give me anything to do and are always telling me I don't take initiative, so I just opened up our book of stuff to do and started doing something and of course it had been done but no one bothered to check it off, so I ended up wasting an hour gathering these books I iddn't need and then putting them back away when I found out the problem
Sui: blah that sucks a lot
Phoemeister: ALSO, there was a crazy rainstorm out so I was pretty much soaked the first half of the day
Phoemeister: then stupid lister made me move my mailbox (which is a whole stupid thing in and of itself but suffice it to say I was pissed, especially because of all the other crap that happened to me today and me being a douche about it made him pissed at me)
Phoemeister: then also (and this is like, an hour away from the end of my shift) he finally tells me that the new sup or someone had assigned something for me to do, and never told me
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: and he had thought that I was doing it back when I was doin gthe pointless thing that did nothing
Sui: nice
Phoemeister: so that's why he didn't let meknow
Sui: always great when people want you to do something, don't tell you to do it, and then get mad at you fornot doing it
Phoemeister: so I wrote this angry note to the new sup that says, "Fact: I tend to get things done better when I have actually been informed that I am supposed to do them."
Sui: haha nice
Phoemeister: so he will probably think I am a bitch, but I don't care
Phoemeister: today sucked so hard
Suib: eh fuck 'em
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: it was pretty funny, right about when I was leaving work Sista was like, "the store CAN SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS!!! I am so sick of them!" and I was like, "I TOTALLY AGREE. ME TOO!!!!" and I don't even know what she's mad about
Phoemeister: oh, and this isn't out of the ordinary, because they do it to me all the time nowadays
Phoemeister: but I got stuck with the stupid slap in the face half break
Phoemeister: Oh AND this morning I almost got in a head on collision with some woman
Sui: ack that's not good
Phoemeister: it was pouring down, and the stoplight wasn't working so we were taking turns like at a stop sign
Phoemeister: and she decided to just randomly try to turn left while me and the car next to me went

Dr4g0n: just playing some wow and watching star trek TNG
Phoemeister: which episode?
Dr4g0n: the first one with Lor
Phoemeister: ooooooh
Dr4g0n: i like it a lot
Phoemeister: good episode!
Dr4g0n: hehe
Dr4g0n: yah it is
Dr4g0n: prolly one of my favs
Dr4g0nR: brent spiner is an awesome actor
Phoemeister: I know!
Phoemeister: I love him
Phoemeister: I want his android babies
Dr4g0nR: haha
Dr4g0n: Phoe's milkshake brings all the android boys to the yard

So today I had christmas candy from like two years ago. And yesterday I had macaroni and cheese from 1996. I was in Jr High when that mac and cheese came into existance.

I probably actually deserve my crippling bowel disease.

This is kind of for my own purposes, because a lot of the things on there I am always forgetting, have been wanting to see/read/hear for years now, and I am tired of it!

Movies I mean to see:

Trainspotting
Bubble
Memento
Identity
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
Tron
Sid & Nancy
Dummy
Four Rooms
everything by Miyazaki except for Spirited Away, which is the only one I've already seen
Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead

Books I mean to read:

Fluke (which is the book I have checked out now but can't find)
Practical Demonkeeping
Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
Dirty Job - Christopher Moore for all of the above
Stiff - Mary Roach
Smoke & Mirrors - Neil Gaiman (I kind of want to read all the Sandman series too, but I don't know where I can check it out for free, I can't really at work because we only have one copy of each)
Assasination Vacation - Sarah Vowell
Yes Man - Danny Wallace
Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
Possible Side Effects
Dry
Running With Scissors - Augusten Burroughs for the above as well
Kurt Vonnegut's nonfiction backlogue
something or other by Don Delillo, someone once told me I might like him but I've never gotten around to it

Books I have already read but mean to buy at some point:

Long Way Down
Anansi Boys
The few remaining pieces of the Kurt Vonnegut fiction backlogue I've checked out at various libraries. Bluebeard comes to mind first, it's one of my favorites but I don't have it, but there are others.

Music I am considering to buy or steal:

Say Anything is a Real Boy - Say Anything
The New Fellas - The Cribs
No Rest for Ghosts - Minus Story
The Red Tree - Moneen
anything Ben Folds has offered exclusively on Itunes but that I couldn't get Itunes, as my old computer is a piece of crap.

Conver I had with Ryan RE: my movie list:

Sui: man I have Tron
Sui: we should have watched that
Phoemeister: Tron is kind of a joke, I'm planning to see it with Optpri sometime because we talk about it all the time
Phoemeister: haha, I saw it at your place and thought of saying something
Phoemeister: but I'm pretty losery already without having to admit that when I was in vegas I watched Tron
Sui: haha

Gah. Man I feel like crap. My legs hurt so much. If this is what it's like to acclimate back to work, I may never take a vacation again.

At least I have two days off now. Hopefully that will let them rest from the damage that's been incurred this week but be short enough not to atrophy them for me again.

Before the legs got sore I was in a good mood today. I got down to business RE: what computer I want, and finally narrowed it down, and it was a lot of fun. I'd already decided I wanted a Dell or an Apple (they tend to break the least according to consumer reports, and hell yeah I am tired of broken computers), and last night I decided on Dell, so I spent like 5 hours today customizing various Dell computers and narrowing down my choices. Seriously, computer shopping for me is like the girly girl's version of an enjoyable shopping trip and trying everything on in the store before deciding on something. I was in heaven.

Most heavenly: my parents are footing the bill for it, too, a kind of belated college graduation present. They set a spending limit of about 2,000, and then I decided that I totally wanted a kickass awesome as possible computer, and would pay the extra. So I was totally making customizations of the fanciest ones possible and drooling over them. It was basically nerd porn.

I stepped back for a minute, though, and realized I would probably never use some of the features. I reduced it to a more reasonable price (about 2,500), and what I decided on I like to think of as the cadillac of desktop computers. Less flashy than a ferrari, but awesome enough to get a few looks (one terrabyte hard drive, y'all! Dual core pentium processor!), and hopefully if I did my job right, I can use it for a really long time. And my parents said they'd pay the extra after all, so I win!

I was also looking at cell phone plans (the pay as you go is way expensive, I decided) with less excitement. I think I'm actually going to have to go into a cell store or something, because the websites were not that informative. I really don't want to pay that much. I was thinking of maybe a land line instead once I get my place, but now that I have a taste for cellular, I like it too much to go back!

Man.... now that I have my own phone, I spend an insane amount of time sitting around hoping someone will call or text me.

So.... I guess your life is alright when this is the most pressing thing on your brain, but still, it is driving me nuts. I just have not had the energy (I've been working every morning since I got back, and when I get home from work my legs have been killing me) to tear through everything and completely resolve the issue, but I am constantly worrying about it:

Phoemeister: I'm seriously tired of being forgetful though
Phoemeister: there's this book I checked out from work, and I thought I had returned it, but I guess I didn't, and now i can't find it and now I might have to buy it even though I don't want to. And it will doubly blow if I really did return it, but there's no way to know for sure.
Sui: hmm there's not any kind of record keeping or sign in sheet or anything?
Phoemeister: Yeah, well the managers have a file on the computer or something. And it says I didn't return it. BUT, the thing is all the time I'll bring something back I checked out and whoever's supposed to sign it back in forgets and lets it sit there like five hours. AND the place we usually let things like that sit also accumulates random other crap, so someone else could've conceivably picked it up and shelved it without knowing. But since it would've happened before I left for vacation, I don't think anyone would remember whether they saw it there or not.
Sui: so you shoudl totally just go there, and sign that you returned it
Phoemeister: I'm hoping I find it..... I haven't done a 100% thorough search around the house yet, and my stuff IS torn up from my mom making me "clean" before I left, but I really don't think I'm going to find it
Sui: and then feign ignorance when they ask where it is now
Phoemeister: but I am not 100% sure I DID return it, which is where the being tired of my own forgetfulness comes in :/

other random things I meant to add the first time around but was hurried:

1) I really am starting to worry that the store is going to go bankrupt or something. They keep shortening our hours and telling us we aren't making plan, and now I hear that we MIGHT not get employee appreciation days (where we get 40% off of most store merchandise) this July, which stinks because I've been hoarding my gift cards and this will make it either all for naught, or make me have to wait until November.

2) Do not let Flow Chart make mint tea for you. It will seriously strip the enamel off your teeth.

3) I HATE Frontier, my ISP, so much. It makes regular dial up look hella fast because it is so slow and stupid. It should not have taken me 11 minutes (literally) to load blogger so I could post this.

My legs hurt like crazy. Stupid week of not standing around all day, making me all soft.

Today was good otherwise, though. I only had two hours of registers! And not one but two customers actually took me up on reccomends, in the children's section, no less! And Sista let me make the Bean Friday announcement! And I had a customer tell me how wonderful the store is, which is nice for a change.

But I did have a customer angrily tell me that John Tesh plays the saxophone, no matter what delusions I have about him playing the piano, and another customer give me the verbal smack down about the online prices being cheaper than our instore prices. No, I do not know why.

Good times.

Today started rather poorly. Our power went out, so I went to McDonald's for breakfast, and of course the McDonald's stalker was there. That dude must work 70 hours a week.

He was all, "You haven't been in for awhile!" and I didn't really want to be like, "That's because I avoid you now!" or tell him I went on vacation because that would engage me in more awkward small talk, so I was just like, "Uh, yeah, that's how it goes sometimes."

Then at work I mentioned the McDonald's stalker, and everyone was all, "How is HE the stalker when you go to where HE is?" Renegade said I should use it to my atvantage, by trying to get free food and/or to get him free food. "Just touch his hand or something! You'll get a 10 piece nuggets!"

On an unrelated note, during reccomends this morning, Sexy reccomended that my mother "stop being such a hoebag," which made me like him more. It is clear he speaks my language.

Though usually annoying, shiv too cracked me up with a dig, this one at my trip: "You went to Vegas and didn't gamble? That's like going to the country and not riding a horse!" though Optpri later pointed out that sticking a quarter in a slot machine is still way easier than riding a horse, so shame on me.

Speaking of which, she and Sista and I went to Maggie Miley's for dinner. I tried Boxty or whatever it was, and was not impressed. Optpri was crazy nice and paid for it so I could get something else, since she suggested the place. So I totally demolished some cheesy potato skins. We had a lot of fun, discussing how the store's tea looks like it's "on the rag" (our tea filters apparently look like feminine hygiene products to some, my opinion was more "if it comes out that bright of a pink, you must have some crazy problems"), how Optpri has poisoned Mulva's mind against me, and how we should all watch Tron together soon.

Afterwards Sista and I went to B & N. I don't know why, but it is a TON of fun to go there. We looked through stupid magazines that we normally would make fun of, relationship self help books, and I looked at the pez pricing guide. It turns out I have quite a few old ones from when my sister and I were little that are about 20 bucks now, if I want to go to the effort of trying to find someone to buy them. Funnily, none of the actually cool ones are worth anything, just the stupid old holiday ones like the "easter chick" or whatever that I thought were a dime a dozen. Then we took self help quizzes with a pen we borrowed from the B & N staff, and then took the cosmo quiz. We gleaned that Sista is a hell raiser and I am boring.

Then we went to Dairy Queen and harassed people using my new cell phone! Whoo

1) MEH. I thought a break from work would make me less burned out, and thus happier to be at work than when I left, but this was wrong. It makes me miss not working even more now that I've had a taste of it. It had also made me forget all the BS we've had lately RE: less hours and ending up being at registers all the time, so it was extra annoying to come back to it and be like, "oh, yeah.... I forgot how crappy this was." BUT, I was happy to see my buddies again. Sista and Optpri seemed particularly happy I was back, and we're having dinner tomorrow. Optpri even wore the ugly shirt in response to the text message I sent her while I was away, consisting of, "I miss your ugly shirt. And your ugly face." Boy am I a great friend.

2) You KNOW you did nothing over your vacation when two different times during your first day back, a movie comes up and you're like, "I just watched that a couple of days ago!" Sexy had on a Boondock Saints T-shirt, so I felt the need to inform him that I'd seen it, and later on I was making a drilling motion with my hand at my head to illustrate what listening to the new Bruce Springsteen Seeger sessions album does to my nerves, and Mulva's like, "In a Pi mood, eh?" and I was like, "I just watched that a couple of days ago!" True story. Also several times I was asked if I gambled, which I had to say no to. Sista was like, "not even one quarter?" and I was like, "Yeah, Ryan told me I should when I was in the airport about to go back (they have slots frickin everywhere there, the airport, the grocery store, gas stations, etc.) and I was like, 'Why don't YOU do it!' and he was like, 'I don't really want to waste a quarter.' and that's pretty much how I feel too." Also a true story. Most people DID think it was pretty lame that I went to Vegas and didn't do that much, but SCREW YOU! I lived out Ocean's 11! Kind of.

3) Sista also brought up the problem I already know I'm going to have with my parents RE: Ryan visiting in August. Seriously, I don't really want to tell them, because what business of theirs is it anyhow? Since I'll be living on my own by then, if I were hanging out with one of my regular friends, they wouldn't even care, there would be no reason to tell them. Also, if he were going to serial kill me, I think he would've done it back when I was on his turf. Lastly, him visiting will only further give them the wrong impression that we are doing it, which, just to make sure the world absolutely knows: WE ARE NOT. But on the other hand, if it comes up for some reason, I don't want to look like I was lying or something because that will make me look like a liar, and even MORE like I am doing it but ashamed. Believe me, when I do it I will not be ashamed! I will let the world know that it has been done with much bragging and pelvic thrusting! But until there is doing of it, I do not want my parents under an erroneous impression about it.

4) People are already asking me if I've moved yet, perhaps because since Mouse is no longer at work they figure he's moved out, thus clearing the stage for me. No, it has not happened. It will happen sometime near the beginning of July. No, I am not exactly sure because Mouse has never told me precisely, plus the landlord wants to clean and paint a little after he's gone, and I don't know how long that will take. I kind of wish I had some measurements of the place so that I could go around buying stuff already, but I don't really want to call up Mouse and badger him to let me measure stuff while he's still living there.

5) I have a new phone! Yes.... this actually happened before my trip, but now I have finally given the number out (actually I just texted a whole bunch of people with "yo, this is from Phoe's new cell!") to everyone, and am going to try to remember to actually keep it turned on most of the time. It's a pay as you go type thing, so I miiight end up just signing up for a real plan after I use up the minutes I have on it already, but I am not sure. I will be sure to text everyone "learn my NEW new number, bitches!" again if I do switch phones. I am addicted to texting already, by the way. I blame Sista.

6) Deep dark secrets I learned about Ryan when I was in Vegas: he was beaten up by the Chess Team in high school, he has lots of dead hookers in his basement, and the dead hookers have occaisonally beaten him up too, but he likes it.

7) I wish my bowels were like they were in Vegas. It makes me sad that they're bad again. I think maybe it was my eating habits in Vegas? At home I have a tendency to eat constantly and/or too much at once. Whereas I ate like a normal person over there. My dad even asked me if I lost weight because he thought I looked thinner. This bodes well for when I move out, as I will probably eat more normally then too.

8) My parents are crazy. Right when I got home and was crazy tired, they peppered me with questions about the trip and I was all, "don't want to talk now. too tired." But after I finally napped and was well rested: no questions at all.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Phoemeister has landed.

IE: I am back home, I had a safe flight, and a 7 hour nap and all that, and am ready to work again tomorrow. I'm hoping I did not lose my well-honed ability to stand up for 8 hours with a minimum of pain.

Last day in Vegas!

All in all, it's been a good trip. No male strippers, but I did catch a TV show last night called "dance your pants off," so.....

Yeah, most unsexy show ever. But they stripped, so I feel like I've fulfilled my Vegas duty to you all.

I also got to live out the one legal portion of my Ocean's 11 fantasies (I saw the fountains at the Belagio). That has nothing to do with male strippers, but SCREW YOU! There is more to life than strippers! I.E. acting out parts of my favorite movies.

Vacation still going great! I finally saw the strip, though that is still probably not enough excitement for some of you. Sista told me she would not be happy unless I came back with a story involving snorting coke off a male stripper's g string, but alas, that has not happened.

One very exciting thing (for me) is that my bowels have been AWESOME! I'm not even kidding. Frequency of #2's: down to once a day. Random pain/feeling sick: down 90%. Grossness of bowel movements: eh... still the same. But believe me, that is remarkable for me, and it makes me want to dance like I have ass in my pants.

Don't you love it when you're in a closet with a guy at a grade school and he turns on "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye?

Of course, being an unregistered visiter from the internet to a grade school on 6/6/6 makes me creepy too.

Seriously, though, I am having a pretty good time. I haven't done many touristy things yet, so I kind of dread the phone calls I give to my parents, as they're all "what have you done?" and I don't want to be like, "I watched 18 episodes of the Upright Citizens Brigade back to back." Because while UCB IS hilarious, I don't think my parents would approve.

So I'm just like, "Ummm... I saw the Hoover Dam," because that's basically all I've done so far besides watch massive amounts of TV, hang out with Ryan's friends, and read the better half of Jarhead.

So today..... whoa. I was in a good mood. Because hey, I'm going to vegas tomorrow!

I probably scared people with my hyperness. Screw them, though. I'm going to vegas!

Then after work Mouse had kind of a going away get together. It was AWESOME. I thought we were going to have to stay at this shitty bar (I hate all bars but this one was particularly awful), but we ended up going to a pizza place. It was awesome because the music wasn't loud, and we were like the only ones there. Also I got pizza, and it was delicious! And it had the best jukebox ever. AND, we played darts and me and my partner won BOTH TIMES.

Anyway, I will miss him, but it was a great time.

HOWEVER, I did end up driving Mulva there, because he left his lights on all day and so his battery died (HAHA, I am not the only one who does this!) then when I went to jump his car afterwards MY car died. So then we had to call up my parents. My dad was pretty cool about it, especially since it turned out my car wasn't dead at all, some terminal had just become disconnected or something.

While we waited, Mulva and I played 20 questions and apples to apples. "Spatula" and "Nick Hornby" are apparently very hard to guess. Apples to apples sucks with just two people. These are the things I learned.

Also, amusingly at work today this dude and his niece walk up and ask me if I like sushi in the tone of someone trying to settle an arguement. I was like, "No...." and then was like, "I don't know if I count though, I'm a freak, seriously. All I like to eat is macaroni and cheese." and the niece was like, "I LOVE YOU." So I guess I'm giving bad examples to preteen girls who already eat like me anyway.

Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: here's an excerpt from another site by the dude who does boasas:

Steven Cloud: sign of the apocolypse nuber 498: BEARS EATING MONKEYS!

usernumber37: wtf?
usernumber37: i thought bears ate honey?

Steven Cloud: most people don't realize monkeys are chock full of honey.

usernumber37: mONkEY > hONEY
usernumber37: maybe the bear was dyxlesic

Steven Cloud: hahaha
Sui: hahaha
Phoemeister: good times
Sui: that's beautiful
Sui: hmm.. what should I eat for lunch today?
Phoemeister: ......monkeys?
Sui: filled with honey
Sui: I should buy a monkey, a turkey baster and a jar of honey
Sui: and see what happens
Phoemeister: man. That sounds not scary at all. I'm glad I'm visiting you soon, so that I, too, can join in such hijinks.


Phoemeister: you are going to be frightened when you see how many pills I am forced to take for a ten day vacation
Sui: haha I believe it
Sui: I have this frightening image of the boy in the bubble
Sui: and you having this like.. portable bubble you hae to bring with you to go on vacation
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: well my parents today were telling me to put my pills in my carry on, so that if something happens to my luggage I'll have them with me
Phoemeister: and I was like, "Um..... no way can I fit those in my carry on."
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: though mostly it's laziness and an unwillingness to dig through things when I want to find something in there while I'm on the plane
Phoemeister: still, they'll think I'm a drug mule if I take that many pills in my carry on
Phoemeister: only I'm bad at it and forgot to put it all up my butt
Sui: haha
Sui: in a balloon of course
Phoemeister: you need a balloon!?!?!
Phoemeister: shit
Phoemeister: I might be dead when you pick me up
Sui: hahah
Sui: I was trying to think of a good sign to hold up in the airport so you'd know I was your driver
Phoemeister: something horrible that makes them think you're my pimp
Sui: haha yeah
Phoemeister: "SLUT"
Sui: hahah
Sui: "Ho numbah fo'"
Phoemeister: or that we have horrible domestic problems
Phoemeister: "BITCH THAT SLEPT WITH MY BEST FRIEND"
Sui: I was thinking of putting like.. "The rapist Convention" only making it look like the space was somewhat unintentional and supposed to say "Therapist"
Phoemeister: HAHA
Phoemeister: Seriously. How do I end up having so many fucking conversations about rape?
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: Tina brought up yesterday that I talk about it constantly. And I was like, "I do not! It just comes up. Like now! And you're the one who brought it up this time, not me!" and she's like, "yeah, but......" and then cites like fifty instances. It made me sad :P