Sometimes, I really hate my mother. Earlier, I was out in the family room watching TV with my dad. He's probably the greatest, most nice person I know, but he can get annoying sometimes. Basically: he was talking to the TV. No, not crazy-like, he just answers the characters questions or other lame stuff. Hard to explain. Anyway: I find it annoying, and was nagging him about it.

Mom, out in the kitchen, heard me. She yelled at me for not showing him proper respect. I ask her what it even has to do with her. If dad were mad, he'd say something, right?

She tells me it's for my own good, that maybe a lot of people have problems with the way I act. I told her the only one who has a problem with how I act is her. [comment: I find myself saying this a lot. All through school she's always thought I was a horribly disrespectful person and the teachers must hate me, when I was one of the biggest teacher's pets of the class. Adults love me. Except for her.] She's like "And you have so many friends......"

Talk about a low blow. This is my mother, for god's sake, and she's basically jamming what I've been worried about all my life (having a noxious personality) down my throat. It hurts being lonely, but it's worse to have your own mother saying it's your own damn fault. I guess I shouldn't have expected any more from her, her being the woman who periodically yells at me until I cry, and then KEEPS yelling at me. And I didn't say it at the time, but since then I've thought: like she has so many friends. I could beat her hands down. If you don't count family, she has only one friend, and they never talk face to face (other than at each other's kids' weddings), they only phone. And they freaking live next door to each other. I have a roommate that I am very close with. That's at least one I see, which beats her. Not to mention I also (I admit intermittently) do hang out with my high school friends still. If you do count family, everyone that likes her likes me PLUS I'm pretty sure my sister's fiancee dislikes her (for good reasons) but not me.

But this isn't a popularity contest. It's something she said that cut me very deeply. Basically: You're a horrible person, that's why you have no friends. Coming from your mom.

Anyway, I'm flustered (I never come up with good reasons for things when I'm actually arguing) and start this whole diatribe about how I just don't know anyone on the floor I live on and how basically everyone on my old floor is rat bastards. Which is 90% true. Anyway I hate when she puts words in dad's mouth just to go on a power trip, I hate how she hates me, and I hate how she hurts me. And I've not even been back for a week yet.