So I've been listening to all that music I got for Christmas. It's kind of hard... I can only get into a song if I've listened to it a few times, and 12X that for an album, and then having so many new ones, makes it difficult to know where to start.

Anyway, the Breaking Benjamin album is proving quite catchy, so so far it's the one with the most tracks I can recognize and enjoy. Which worries me a little, because if I like an album immediately, usually it means I get tired of it pretty fast. Which... yeah, I'm a weirdo.

Anyway, the best song (so far, my favorites also tend to change rapidly when I get a new album) on it is "Home." It's good in general, but what makes it AWESOME is it's about the Wizard of Oz! And it's really weird. Because the band is about as hard as anything I listen to (heavy guitar, mild screaming) and they have a song about what is essentially a kid's movie nowadays! So it's kind of amusing.

Anyway (ugh, this is the third time I've used anyway), what makes it doubly great, is I like to imagine what a music video for this song would be in my head. I like to think it would be performance-based (i.e. just showing the band playing, instead of cutting back and forth to a "story"). And maybe there'd be a greenscreen behind them, so the background would be bits of stuff from the movie, like the farm in kansas, the field of poppies, emerald city, etc. But the part that would make the video awesome is, I'd have the band members dress up as people from the Wizard of Oz. And then, I'd make them really ROCK out. As intense as possible. And it would be really funny, to see the lead singer guy (as Dorothy, of course) really rocking the braids and gingham. And the bassist would HAVE to be a flying monkey, and the lead guitarist could be a munchkin, with a miniature guitar. Then the drummer could could be the wicked witch. Or the good witch. Or whatever he felt like, really. There's no going wrong as long as Dorothy, the Flying Monkeys, and the Munchkins are already represented. The point is, I see this in my head everytime I listen to it, which makes me want to listen to it even more.

Addendum: after I made this post, I had a conver about it:

Sui: haha yeah I'm trying to picture it in my mind
Phoemeister: you need the song
Phoemeister: though I suppose you could picture it with any rock song
Sui: haha
Sui: yeah
Phoemeister: picture it to "Chop Suey"
Sui: haha that's good
Phoemeister: The guy with the braided beard would look awesome dressed up as dorothy
Sui: but the guy would actually have to be a midget
Phoemeister: He could just kneel or something
Phoemeister: or "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Man, this is more fun than picturing it with the actual song
Sui: haha
Sui: that would be awesome
Phoemeister: or "Bohemian Rhapsody"
Sui: haha
Sui: especially the rocking out part
Phoemeister: Yeah!
Phoemeister: beezelbub has a demon set aside for me! for me! *then rocking out part* Kickass.
Phoemeister: That reminds me, whenever someone doesn't like a certain food, I say "More for me." Only instead of saying it normal, I sing the "for me!" like in Bohemian Rhapsody.
Phoemeister: I just thought you'd find that amusing.
Sui: haha that's pretty funny
Sui: like at thanksgiving? : )
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: I'm like, "More mashed potatos for me! for me!"
Sui: haha
Suibrom: I'd like to see that
Phoemeister: it IS pretty awesome
Phoemeister: I'm hoping to make it catch on

there's a man made of tin
with an oil can grin
and I'm gonna get you
and your little dog too
there's a yellow brick road
that we follow back home

--"Home," Breaking Benjamin

I spose I'll do the obligitory post on the loot I got on Christmas. That's all it's really about anymore at our house. We don't have a dinner or anything, my mom got deli fixin's and we made sandwiches. Which... wouldn't be that weird (I mean, it is a huge production to do the turkey dinner, especially when there aren't that many of us) except my mom KNOWS I HATE deli food. But I'd made myself a quesodilla at around 10 when I got up, so I wasn't that hungry anyway by lunch.

Yeah, I'm the only one on earth that sleeps late on christmas morning. My poor sister used to get up at 6 and beg and beg the parents to wake me up, but they'd let me sleep until at least 8. Then she'd have to wait while I ate breakfast, because the rule was we had to eat before opening presents. Because obviously, once you have them open you're going to want to play, not eat.

So I got:

A buttload of CD's: American Idiot (Greenday), There's Nothing Wrong with Love (Built to Spill), Deja Entendu (Brand New), Ups and Downs (Saves the Day), Saturate (Breaking Benjamin), Awake: The Best of Live, Level IV (Future Leaders of the World), Ben Folds Live, and Tell All Your Friends (Taking Back Sunday).

A buttload of Burt's Bees lip balm. Honestly, Burt must've made a whole lot of money off my family this year, because I wasn't the only one who recieved this stuff. And really, maybe the other products in the line are better, but I don't see the hype, lip balm-wise. It's really thin and petroleum-y feeling and wears off right away, not at all like the thick genuine beeswax staypower I was expecting. Honestly, I've bought lots of cheap-ass generic brands that felt more like beeswax and stayed on longer.

a DVD: Wonderboys. Pretty good dark comedy. I've been meaning to pick it up for awhile. I especially have this thing for finding cheap DVD's in bargain bins, and it seems like the type of movie that would end up there (I'm not saying it's a bad movie, but I don't think most people are just dying to have it on DVD). But I never see it, so I finally broke down and asked for it this year. I'm also probably going to buy Garden State and Napoleon Dynamite sometime with the gift cards I've recieved. ND was released just before christmas, and my mom didn't think it'd ship in time so didn't get it, and some brain whiz decided to release GD right after Christmas, which seems like bad marketing to me. Unless they are counting on people like me with giftcards, which maybe they could be.

gloves: fingerless with a flip top mitten, for doing camera stuff in the cold. I feel very touched by these, because the catalogue I wanted them from didn't sell them anymore, so my mom had to go all over looking for another brand. I love them. I freaked my sister out, I like to wear them around inside the house now. Because I have cold hands, and why not?

FM transmitter: you hook this to a walkman, and then tune to a certain frequency on your radio, and you can hear it on your radio. I like it, it's way cooler than the other adapter-type thing I originally asked for for my car. The only thing: it doesn't work. Oh, it works fine in the house, but for some reason my car radio (which is what I want it for) doesn't like it, and it comes in so staticy that it's really not worth it.

One Book: Songbook by Nick Hornby. I like several authors (including him) that for some reason only come out with the big expensive paperbacks instead of the cheap little ones. So I never want to buy their stuff with my own money. And I really felt like Songbook, though it's not a novel, it's only his opinions on music. But he has interesting views, you'd get that even if you read a couple of his novels. Most of the songs I've never heard of. But I read a couple of the essays so far, and I like them, so it's pretty enjoyable for me.

One Computer Game: Quest for Glory V. It is impossible to get a computer game new in a store or an online store after it's a year or two old. This makes me sad, because all of my favorite computer games are crazy old. Anyway, this one isn't as old as most of them, but it is somewhat older. I actually lost my original copy, so I've been begging my parents for years now to comb through used computer game stores (my mom will not buy anything from Ebay, she distrusts the paying method) to find me a copy. Actually, my mom was quite happy to find a used copy on amazon, and that's how I got it. I love it, have been playing it day and night.

Lots of candy.

The day after Christmas was fun, we went to my sister's house and played Scene it! (the movie trivia game), which she'd gotten from someone or other. I have to say, I am disturbingly great at this game. I won one game, and probably would've won the other if I hadn't missed two turns because people used these cards on me that do that. I'm not so good on character names or the high school photos of celebrities, but I totally clean up on directors, I'm the only one in my family who knows who directed what, mainly from being a cinema studies minor. Which helps me with hella old movies too. Only except for Hitchcock films, there weren't that many old ones. I don't think the game will be fun to play forever, though. The DVD questions seem to repeat somewhat frequently. My sister and her husband had only played it a couple times before, but they saw at least three repeat questions that they knew the answer to, just because they'd seen the question the day before.

Man. You have to love an apology that starts with "Whatever." and ends with "Later."

So goes the e-mail my sister sent me today. Obviously, she's trying even less than I did. She managed to stick a couple more bitter recriminations between those bookends, but there was a "sorry" in there somewhere, albeit a rather snotty one, so I think she's finally willing to let it go too.

Today I got together with 3 of my friends from high school. Very depressing. I'm only a semester behind, but all of them have these... real lives. I'm like, "Yep. Living with the parents. Doing nothing." And I feel so immature. Everything I say... just gets this patronizing, "Oh, Phoemeister's so delightfully random. She hasn't changed a bit since high school!" laugh and eye roll. And I basically got told I picked the wrong career when I mentioned that in class they tell all mass com majors over and over how they're never going to get a job, when I was trying to sympathize with an anecdote someone else had told. "Why didn't you just switch majors?" I get asked, in this tone of voice that's like, "Quit whining. It's your own damn fault you never switched your crappy major!" "Well, besides the fact that I just wanted to graduate already by then, I actually kind of like this career and am willing to fight for it, dumbass!" is what I wanted to say.

Not that I got many words in. It seemed like I and the friend who has been living around here for awhile now that I mention on here from time to time both got shut out of the conversation, because the other two teach, and they all wanted to compare notes on teaching. And notes on living anywhere but here. My town is actually not a horrible town, but everyone I know (under a certain age) wants to get out as fast as they can. And when they do get out, they don't want to hear about it from people who stayed. It's like they think just listening to it will drag them back.

I'll take my spoons
dig out your blue eyes
swallow them down to my colon
they're gonna burn like hell tonight
cause you're beautiful
just not on the inside

--"Rocks Tonic Juice Magic," Saves the Day

More drama from the sister:

You are more emotional than I thought. All we missed was everybody else graduating. We were there for the beginning, the speaker etc... And we saw you graduate. I really can't see what difference an hour of other people's names makes. I guess we just have different viewpoints. If the situation were reversed, all I would have cared about is someone being there for the time when my name was read and could have cared less about them sitting through everyone else. Also, I would rather have someone there who isn't complaining, or have them stay home, than come and complain because that ruins it for me.

Also, if you have a problem with me, again we have different viewpoints. Instead of grumping to someone else and me finding out later, I would rather have you talk to me about it yourself. Plus, you weren't entirely cordial, [her husband] heard you 'whispering' to Mom.

PS - Did you actually notice we left or did Mom tell you? Just curious.


and the totally insincere apologetic reply:


What I was whispering to mom about wasn't badmouthing you guys, by the way. He must've not understood. (which is true, that wasn't what I was telling my mom about)

And yes, I did notice. Which you probably don't believe. (again, true)

Anyway, I'm (NOT) sorry that I assumed my graduation day would be all about me. I (DO NOT) apologize.

Less depressing, more amusing graduation aftermath: today I got an honors cord in the mail to wear for my graduation half a week ago. Technically, I'm in the honors program, but I didn't do all the work, so I thought I was disqualified, so I didn't bother to get a cord. Which I'm glad, because if I had wanted one, it obviously wouldn't have come on time. I laughed so hard.

Crying, piano, and graduation:

friend: Yeah, I cried after my graduation, it was so bad (she had a paperwork mix up so she had to go last, and her parents got really mad at her because apparently at her school you need tickets to attend, and she wasn't around when she was supposed to pick them up)
me: I cried too. Because my sister didn't stay the whole time. It just really hit me when I opened up her stupid card with the fifty bucks in it, that mom and dad gave me because she didn't stay to give it in person, which I'd much rather she had just stayed the whole time than take her money. Heck, I was crying two hours ago. My mom made me cry earlier when we were having our "piano lesson."
friend: I can't believe your mom is teaching you Piano. She's going to make you cry EVERY day. Heck, that would make ME cry every day.

Oh, and my sister totally sent me a nasty e-mail:

I don't want to have a big fight, especially so close to Christmas, but this is bothering me so here goes. We came to graduation, we listened to the speaker beforehand and we saw you graduate. We came to dinner, which by the way, from our house is a 45 minute drive now (excuse me for wanting to eat at this place once every 3 years, the last time we went there was my 21st birthday). We had to
get a babysitter for graduation (not hard considering there are about three sets of grandparents always dying to babysit) and I had a test Monday (so the extra hour is going to make or break this test?). I did my best to show my congratulations for your accomplishment but had some time constraints. I'm not hurting for cash, but I do have a baby now and felt I was suitably generous in your graduation gift (More than generous. But it felt like being bought off).

I don't know if you aren't happy if you don't have something to complain
about? I use my own money for gifts (that's a nasty dig at me because mom and dad generally pay for my christmas gifts for people because I don't have a job. So there's an unspoken "as opposed to you, you cheap bastard!" at the end of that sentence). You typically complain about things like graduations (I have never complained about a graduation. I have complained about awards ceremonies before, but never a graduation). I can't believe you're upset that we left a little early after having seen you. I could've waited to give you the gift at dinner, but didn't want you to think we didn't do anything.

What the hell? I didn't say a word to her about it. Mom or Dad must've leaked how sad it made me. And I get a hostile reply about how I'm the jerk in this scenario.

So I wrote her back. This is as nice as I could make myself be:

I WAS really sad when you didn't stay for the whole thing. I cried on the way home in the car, if you really want to know. I really do appreciate the gift, it IS generous, but I would rather get nothing and have had you stay the whole time. Yes, I know I do complain about going to stuff like that. But I do go to it. It's the fact that someone's willing to sit through a boring ceremony like that for you shows they care. But I don't see why you're mad at me. Because I did whine about it quite a bit to Mom & Dad, but I was perfectly cordial to you about it, so I don't see what your problem is.

So anyway...... it's going to be an unpleasant christmas. Damn. Usually my sister and I get along. At least since we've grown up. I hope she's not going to end up being someone who's like this all the time now.

So I stopped the headache pills awhile ago because they were really messing up my already horrible bowels. And I mean... it took a LOT before I quit. Because they were actually working on what they were supposed to. And my bowels frequently go haywire for no reason. But the results were horrific. I HAD to stop.

The thing is, after I stopped, I was better for two days, and now I'm back to how I was. Which... freaks me out if I'm that bad for no reason, and makes me feel bad that I quit the pills if they weren't doing it. I hate it. I hate it so much. Every time I come to terms with how bad it is, "Okay, I feel like I'm dying. But I will endure this," it just gets worse and then I have to try and come to terms with that. And I don't know how to make it better, or even make it stop getting worse. And the doctors don't know either.

And I have to deal with headaches on top of it, because I stopped the headache medication. Why do I have to be such a freak?

We don't have to stay friends
let's pretend to be enemies

--"Yeah, Whatever," Splender

If god came down on Christmas day
I know exactly what he'd say
he'd say "oi" to the punks, "oi" to the skins
oi to the world and everybody wins

--"Oi to the World," No Doubt

My mom has to be the unhelpfullest piano teacher ever.

"How do I know where I want my hands to be?"
"Once you read music, you know."
"How do I read music?"
"You just get to know it."
"How?"
*makes vague gestures with her hands* "You just... do."

Thanks. I really, really am frustrated, though. It's like, how am I supposed to know what note that corresponds to? And even if I did, it's not that much use, as I really don't know what note each key corresponds to.

And here's a meme from Phoe from Elsewhere: "3 things"


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. My real name, which I'm not telling you, stalker!
2. Monkeypox (don't ask)
3. Lynyrd Skynyrd (my dad, who came up with this gem, is very strange)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Phoemeister
2. SpankingGnome
3. DontBrash

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. freakishly good at memorizing useless facts
2. quite good Darth Vader impression
3. my loveable wackiness

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Colitis
2. absentmindedness
3. the fact that I'm unable to control the volume of my voice

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German
2. German
3. Other random white people, quite possibly more germans.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. serial killers
2. killer bees
3. serial killer bees

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. hoodie
2. sugar (various forms)
3. headphones

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. hoodie
2. flannel
3. jeans

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Ben Folds
2. Idlewild
3. Red Hot Chili Peppers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Time of the Season -- Zombies
2. Can't Take My Eyes Off You -- Frankie Valli
3. You Really Got Me -- The Kinks

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. learn to play the piano!
2. learn the avid
3. poooossibly write a screenplay. I dunno.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. umm.... an actual relationship.
2.
3.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. Monkeys are cool
2. I am naked right now
3. The goalie for the 1976, 77, 78, and 79 Stanley Cup winning hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, was a guy named Ken Dryden.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Physical things? I'm bad at that. I usually more take a guy's looks in as kind of a gestalt, unless they have one horrible thing that stands out. Face, I guess. I go for pretty boys more than iron men.
2.
3.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. tap dance
2. break dance
3. do anything that requires coordination

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. blogging
2. listening to music
3. over analyzing movies

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. not be cold
2. have a real job already
3. move to ohio and steal cadillacs for a living

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. TV photographer
2. Corporate video (though usually you get into that THROUGH #1)
3. ROCK STAR once I master the piano.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. France
2. Japan
3. England again

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. Runkisse (means wanking gnome)
2. Shoehorn (it would be unique and memorable!)
3. Carl

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. find that special someone
2. learn piano!
3. be on Jeopardy! (possibly seduce Alex Trebek and take care of #1 in the process)

And.... another meme, cause I'm bored: 2004

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Learn to play the piano!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make any. Does anyone really make any? That they intend to keep? No. So why pretend like it?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Why yes. My nephew was born this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
more friends, a real job, and a helper monkey

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why (optional)
I'm bad with dates. But I guess either when my nephew was born, which was awesome, or when I got my gallbladder out, which was as traumatic of an event as I've ever had happen to me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating, landing an internship

9. What was your biggest failure?
A failure to communicate?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Every day.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don't buy much but books and CD's. And I always forget what year I bought what. So... yeah.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one was extraordinarily depressing this year.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Books and CD's.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New star trek movies. But I guess there will never be one. And the first star wars prequel before I realized it was awful. And the second matrix, before I realized it wasn't that great. And CD's by people I love.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Hey Ya. Only actually that song's from 2003, probably. So I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Sadder. Maybe. I don't know. I'm very moody. And going through a sad spell right now.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner, bay-bee
iii. richer or poorer? richer, if you count grad gifts

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
anything

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
sat around doing nothing and filling out stuff like this

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With the fam.

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
No

22. How many one-night stands?
Negative forty three.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I'm having trouble decided between Scrubs and Joan of Arcadia. They're both so well written, everything ties in...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Probably. But not enough that I can really recall anyone off the top of my head.

25. What was the best book you read?
The assasin's trilogy by Robin Hobb was pretty good. And I think I read it this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I dunno. Kind of blurry. I really liked about two Modest Mouse songs, but the rest of the album is crap. Same for nearly every album I've bought lately.

27. What did you want and get?
To graduate and never ever have to write a paper again

28. What did you want and not get?
a real job, love

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Napoleon Dynamite

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you (optional)?
Had dinner....somewhere. Not really remembering. 23. I think. Isn't it sad that I forget my age sometimes? 2004 - 1982 = 22. Okay. I'm goooing to be 23 in february.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
No colitis

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
the same as ever: "yay, cheap and comfortable and doesn't make the ol' ass look too gigantic"

33. What kept you sane?
Not being predisposed to insaness.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Bob Costas! Ow ow!

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
....I hate to be a monkey parroting everyone else (ha, I mixed metaphors) but Iraq

36. Who did you miss?
everyone

37. Who was the best new person you met?
well, he or she wasn't that great, because I can't remember anyone off the top of my head

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Old Navy doesn't like people photographing their shop.

I'm learning piano! As of today.

Sort of. I have a feeling I'm way out of my league. Trying to read music is the most complicated part. It's like.... whoa. I do not get this.

And since I'm mainly trying to learn from crappy books.... oh well.

I tell you, though. Despite this, I'm learning to play a mean "When The Saints Go Marching In." It's badass. Really. Bad. Ass.

The worst habit I get into is when I get to a hard part, I just hum it instead of play it. So it's like, piano, piano, me going "wrow wrow wrow wrow!" piano again.

And when I do well, the bad thing is I'm memorizing it instead of learning how to read music, like I want to.

Which is really been the best part of my day. Which is sad, considering I graduated. But it sucked. Hard. My grandpa didn't come. My sister left halfway through, and I've already told you about how my mom acted when I tried to act like the day was about me and not her. The keynote speaker: the president of the university. WORST GRADUATION SPEECH EVER. It wasn't uplifting. I didn't feel ushered into my new life. I didn't even feel like the end of an era was over. Basically, he hit us and our relatives up for money! He gave us all these statistics on how important higher education is and how the federal government has yanked funding, and how they need our support. I swear! He used our keynote speech to fundraise! I was pissed. And bored.

Speaking of which, they made us show up an hour before the ceremony. Which was boring as hell. Especially when they shooed away the ONE guy I did know and was having a conversation with and made him go back to his officially assigned spot, like 50 minutes before the ceremony when there was obviously no danger of him not getting back. Boo.

So it just kind of was crap.

So I was at TV-10 today learning the Avid basics. Honestly, I think it's about the most ridiculous thing ever that they expect you to learn to use thousands of dollars of sophisticated audiovisual editting equiptment by "playing it by ear." But I went there today to experiment.

Anyway, while I was there, my production director and news director were talking to some chick that I don't even know who's also graduating. And is apparently a cryer. Because she started crying about it. And my news director was all, "Phoemeister's graduating too!" and they were like, "Why aren't you crying, too?" and I was like, "I'm not a big cryer."

Apparently, cryer needs to use the avid for something or other over break too. Which, production director tells her it's going to be locked up. What the hell? I am getting tired of being jerked around on this. I'm like, you told me I could come in and use it over break! What am I going to do? And start having a panic attack. And cryer is... well, about to cry again.

So stupid production director's like, there's no one staying around campus during break to let people in. And news director and I are shocked at this statement, because it is no big secret that I live around here. So both news director and I immediately volunteered myself to be the keeper of the keys. And production director obviously does not want to give me the keys, as I do not think he has a great love for me. I don't know if he thinks I am too cheeky or absentminded or what, but I think he secretly hates me. But anyway, he was all, "If you lose them, I will KILL you, Phoemeister. And the way he said it, I believed him. I really did.

But the thing is, I've never lost my keys. I've lost my wallet. Several times. I've locked my keys IN my car. Several times. But since I can't start up the car or get into the house without them, and they're attached to a giant novelty penny, I would have to be entirely brain dead to truly lose them. So I am confident in the task in which I've been entrusted. Sure, I'm at the cryer's beck and call, and have to make sure I'm not on the net at certain times so the line's not busy, but hey... access to the avid any time I want to. And the knowledge of how it probably burned stupid production director and his irrational (for all I know, I've never found out why) dislike of me.

It's the time of the season
When the love runs high
In this time, give it to me easy
And let me try
With pleasured hands
To take you and the sun to
Promised lands

--"Time of the Season," Zombies

Phoemeister: this is random
Phoemeister: but my mom said "dis" today
Phoemeister: as in, "I'm not dissin' Dick Clark, but..."
Phoemeister: I was like, "Whoa. Who are you?"
Phoemeister: Apparently he's not hosting New Year's Rockin' Eve this year because he had a stroke this year
Kin: Who is?
Phoemeister: Dick Clark
Kin: No...I mean, who's hosting if he's not?
Phoemeister: Heh. Regis Philbin. The sad thing was, my mom was like all disgusted about it. She was like, guess who's hosting it, and by her disgusted demeanor, I was like, "Ryan Seacrest!" and she was like, "worse!" and I was thinking, "The antichrist?" and she was like, "Regis Philbin!"
Kin: LOL
Kin: That is worse than the Antichrist.
Phoemeister: indeed

...and now for the 3,000th post about a fight with my mom.

See, the weather lately has been ice cold. And windy as hell.

And for graduation, they're going to make us queue up in one building, and head to the other building. We don't get coats. Only the stupid robes. And only whatever we're wearing under them. Which believe me, I'm going to be layering under there.. But what am I going to do about pants? Because I know it's not going to be a smooth process. I'm going to be standing out there for awhile. And the wind's going to cut through dress pants like butter.

So I figure what do I care? How about jeans. Bad, bad, idea to mention this to my mom. To believe I have any say whatsoever on what I'm going to wear on my graduation day. "You'll look like a grub! I'll be so embarrassed! If you wear jeans, I'm not coming!" is basically a condensed version of the angry diatribe she gave me. I was like, "Hey, you're being a drama queen. Strangers won't even notice and who cares what they think anyway! This day's supposed to be about me, I should be comfortable and not have to freeze my ass off, don't be a jerk about it," but I know I'm going to give in anyway. It sucks. The whole duration of this arguement, I'm wearing four shirts and my winter coat (and this is not atypical behavior for me), so obviously I'm someone who's interested in warmth. But nothing. No sympathy whatsoever.

Happy frickin' graduation to me.

Wow... people must hate me. I always forget what it must be like to be someone who's bad at tests. I didn't study at all for my last final. What do I care. I was like, getting 110% in the class at midterm. And even though I know the class is weighted very heavily towards the back end, I figure I can't really screw it up, since I haven't really been doing anything differently. So anyway, I made the mistake of being like, "Eh, I didn't really study. And everyone was like, "WHAT!?!?"

And I was like, "Well... I'm graduating, what do I care? I'd have to really bomb the test to flunk the class." And people just looked at me like.... I was the antichrist.

And then I finished the test before anyone else. Way before anyone else. It was a two parter, and I finished the second part before all but 3 people got the second. But that doesn't make me smart. It makes me a fast test taker. I just wanted to be out of there. And I probably DID do as well as most people in there. There were things I didn't know on there, but I was pretty solid on a good deal of it.

After that, my mom and I went Christmas shopping. I've never been a big shopper, but colitis makes it impossible. Because whenever I go shopping, I get that poopy feelin', and that makes it hard to concentrate, and then after I use the toilet to make it go away, I'm not really in a good mood. So I have to really want to.

Anyway, at Best Buy I ended up more buying for me, I got a really cheap Sublime greatest hits album, which I've wanted ever since all the 90's nostalgia's been floating around and I've been hearing Santeria and Wrong Way again more. I love those songs, though I really hate their huge song, What I Got, though I don't know if it's BECAUSE it was so huge and I got tired of it, or it is just that bad, or what. Anyway, I haven't gotten into any of the other songs on the album yet, but man I love those two. I've been going around in my headphones in the house silently rocking out to them, feeling like a badass.

My parents are used to this strange behavior by now. I also love reading all this BS in the album liner about how the songwriter's this sensitive street poet while listening to Santeria, which is basically all about how he's going to bust a cap in Sancho's punk ass. Maybe it comes out in the other songs.

At the Bath and Body shop, I got a rubber duck for my nephew, even though I told my sister I wouldn't get him any toys this christmas because I knew every other relative would, and at this point he enjoys the box it came in about as much, and I knew she'd be up to her ass in toys he'd never have enough time to play with all of, but I saw it when I was looking for something else, and I had to get it. I think I'm like my mom to some extent, who keeps picking up stuff for him, because she "has" to. I understand this pull now. Anyway, the rubber duck is a classic, and I saw it and I remembered the one I had when I was little, and Ernie from Sesame Street's song about it and got all misty, and had to get it for the kid so I could live vicariously. I also got him a little outfit, which is what I meant to get him to begin with. It's got a penguin (anyone who knows me knows I love them, I'm also doing my damndest to project my personality onto the kid), a polar bear, and we can't decide whether it's an arctic wolf or a lion. It looks more like a lion, but we think a wolf would make more sense, considering the company.

Then we got some random stuff for my dad, he's hard to shop for. He wants like... soap. And gift cards from walmart for books. And I told mom that walmart has crappy selection, especially for sci fi, which is what he reads. Why doesn't he want one from Barnes & Noble? And she's like, he thinks it's too expensive. And I'm like, what the hell does he care? It's a gift card! And she says he still cares. So, that's the trouble with buying things for dad, even when it's a gift he wants it to be cheap. And when we try anything inventive, he never uses it. I got him the Indiana Jones trilogy last year, he didn't use it. I got him Blood Sweat and Tears and Steppenwolf last year, he didn't use it. So now I'm getting him soap. Or a Walmart gift card. As long as he's happy being cheap, I guess.

Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him he best go run and hide
daddy’s got a new forty five
and I won’t think twice to stick that barrel straight down sancho’s throat
believe me when I say that I got something for his punk ass!

--"Santeria," Sublime

So I'm more depressed than ever, I went to the TV-10 holiday lunch, and this guy I know who works at the station I'm going to intern at is all telling me how people in the TV business go out of their way to be mean and screw you over. And photographers are shat on, because they're basically the lowest on the foodchain. Great. Why do people not tell you these things before you decide to devote your life to something? Anyway, people were telling me today that I have to become a total bastard just to protect myself. Which is not the person I want to be. And I won't be that person, even if I have to fail and work at stupid Wal Mart for the rest of my life.

In other news, I think most of my spyware problems are being cleared up. Turns out all I needed to do was unleash my mom on the problem. You know, as little patience as she exhibits with me, and other human problems, the woman loves solving computer problems. Really. She's not just not annoyed. She actually likes doing it. I actually feel sad about that, she was born decades too late to be someone who does that for a living, because she would've really been one of those people who loved their job if she did that, I think.

The first two of the graduation "presents" (cash -- very few people actually give actual presents, I've found) have come in. I don't know if I didn't remember how much cash I got last time, or if college is a bigger deal than high school, but I am loaded now. My Aunt and my Grandpa each sent me quite a lot of money. It makes me feel guilty. My mom says to keep it all separate and buy something big with it, but there's nothing big I want. Maybe if I was moving out right now or something and needed appliances and stuff. I guess I'll just save it all till then.

Oh, one good thing I did learn at the holiday lunch is the Avid room ISN'T going to be closed during break, so I can spend some of my normally unproductive hours learning how to use it, thus not looking horribly idiotic when I show up at the station. Which, I'm going to start calling it "the station," from now on so that if someone by freak accident finds my blog, they don't find references to the actual name of the station on here and I get thrown out on my ass.

(I want to sex you up comes on the radio)
Guy: This isn't christmas music!
Me: It gets me in the christmas mood. Because I like to sex people up at chrismas.
Guy: I like how you say that with no emotion whatsoever in your voice.
Me: I like to actually do it with no emotion whatsoever.

I really need a life, in the last few days I've seen Blade, Blade II, Van Helsing, Garden State, Dodgeball, and Saved. And I would've watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on TV if I hadn't had to go to a meeting about my internship last night when it was on. It's a classic.

It's a pain, I have to do the internship through ISU for liability reasons. And since I'm doing it through the university, there's more than a little BS paperwork. And meetings telling me to not break anything or get sexually harrassed, and write them little journals every day that say I didn't break anything or get sexually harrassed.

I have to remember to actually go to my final on Wednesday. I really do feel so much like school's already over that I just know I'm not going to bother or remember or something incredibly stupid like that.

Peace out.

counting the days
until some freedom can scream my name
counting the days
until the gods break free these chains

--"Counting the Days," Collective Soul

Does anyone else have enough guilt that you finally get music in your head that starts rebuking you for not doing things you know you should do? Lately I have. And I don't know why. I swear, this line from a Foo Fighters song, "What is wrong with this animal? I'm terrible..." goes through my head every time I don't do something I should do.

Lately it especially happens every time I look at my headache journal. When I went to the doctor because of my excess headaches I was all, "Look, I don't want more drugs. I just want to know why..." though I already had my own suspicions that it was The Noise. Anyways, I kept it for a week. Or less. And stopped. And accepted more drugs. Because I'm terrible! The headaches are better (though still somewhat excessive), and I don't know if it was just that week or what. But I keep being like, "I'll start doing that." But I don't. And I keep getting that one bit of the song in my head. Stupid Foo Fighters playing Jiminy Cricket to my Pinnochio. Stupid me, not just filling out the journal already. Or doing whatever else that triggers the song. Honestly, I am going crazy. Aren't I?

Manual labor + extreme klutziness is a bad mix. I wonder why I want to do it. Anyway, I never notice at the time I'm doing it, but I'm always somehow whacking myself with the tripod. Last night when I tried to sleep, my sides hurt because they were bruised and I was limping around today because I must've given my leg a good whack with it too. That's what I get for being too lazy to fold it up properly when I want to haul it short distances. I tell you, it's not easy being the Old Navy Martyr.

I still don't know what to do with myself. I finished the last of a couple books I bought a few days ago for the specific purpose of time-occupying, and found myself just sitting there in my pajamas watching some woodworking show on PBS. My Dad brought home some videos, and I wanted to hug him, I was so glad. And they weren't even that great of movies. But head and shoulders above woodworking.

Tonight I went and saw Garden State, it was playing at ISU's theater. It was really good, I liked it. It had a lot more of a plot than I had expected from the description people give, and was quite funny. It is probably more of a "girly" film, but I'd still reccomend it. I saw it with my friend from high school who I hung out with last night but forgot to blog about it. That party I was going to go to wasn't so appetizing, a lot of the people I particularly know weren't going to be there, and I suck at parties. Attempting to act like a normal person around large quantities of people is not my ouvre. So when my friend called me up and wanted to go to Ocean's 12 instead, I jumped at the opportunity despite having had previous plans. We'd both really loved 11, so we kinda had plans to see it together for ages. But this cop stopped us because she didn't have her headlights on, and gave her a 75 dollar ticket. She got really upset about it, because she thought it would affect her insurance premiums too and she's still on her parent's insurance yadda ya, and after that she just didn't feel like a movie. And today we saw garden state instead because Garden State was only on for one day. So eventually we're going to see Ocean's 12, I just don't know when.

Anyway, I don't know what I was thinking last night when I posted that reply on the board. I doubt the guy's even going to check back, but I think I'm probably going to let this thing end here anyway. If I did meet a guy, I'd have to explain to the 'rents how I met a guy, and they'd dissaprove and it would make life infinitely harder for me right now while I'm living with them, and I'm a pathetically bad liar. I sort of remind me of Will from "About a Boy" sometimes. In the book, there's this bit where he's talking about how he'll always concoct these elaborate schemes or ideas in his head about getting a job doing this or doing volunteer work etc. and the little dream is actually worth more to him than actually going out and making it happen. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually like that, because I do start things all the time I don't follow through on, or daydream about doing this or that that I don't even start. Writing projects, excercising more... a lot of things.

Yes. I realize I spend far too much time comparing myself to fictional characters.

Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole!

--Garden State

Man, I'm depressed. Graduating is..... depressing. At least if you don't have a real job lined up. Maybe not even then. I just am.... depressed.

And I talked to a friend. And she was like, "Yeah. I woke up and was like, 'This is the rest of my life? Man, thats.... crappy."

And I've seen The Graduate. And that's how he felt. So I'm not alone.

And maybe it isn't even just having a job. Plastics probably isn't the answer. Which, you'll only get the plastics bit if you've seen The Graduate.

It also kind of reminds me of Fight Club, where Tyler calls up his dad after he graduates college and is like, "What now?" and his dad doesn't know.

Anyways... in less depressing but much more dorky news:

Speaking of Fight Club, I just used a class Webboard to try and hook up. Yeah. What the hell. I'm graduating. He's not going to flunk me. Anyways, we have to post a specified number of times on this class Webboard over the semester. And for Fight Club, so many of the girls kept including stupid "oh my god! Brad Pitt is so hot lol!!!!!" comments in their posts that I posted a response (which is probably equally vacuous considering it's still about hotness, but oh well):

"I know this is random, and probably won't count as one of my posts, but I want to say that I don't find Brad Pitt all that hot. But I love Ed Norton. I want him to have my babies. My favorite part of the entire movie is when he's all crazed, and steals the gun from the guy, and is like, "Anyone who comes out of that room is going to get a lead salad!"

Because he totally commits to being such a geek. For the entire movie. But right there. That line, and the way he delivers it is the dorkiest bit in the entire movie, and I love it, and I love him for it."

And this guy replied:

"Ed Norton is definately a great actor. I thought he made the movie. I know a guy that looks just like him, if you want I'll hook you up. He is totally dorky too, but he is really a dork, not just acting. I really hope this counts as one of my posts because it is just so insightful. I also hope that it does not damage my grade. "

And at first, I wasn't going to say anything, because how crass AND desperate is using the webboard to hook up with guys? But I was like... If this dude really is as dorky as his friend says, this guy could be perfect for me. We could be married some day. This could be our dorky story at our wedding rehearsal story. Should I give all that potential up because I'm too cool to use the class webboard to hook up? So I posted:

"Dude, you totally should hook me up! My e-mail's on here."

Hello darkness my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
because a vision sofly creeping
left its seeds while I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
within the sounds of silence

--Simon and Garfunkel

Now that I got the disease
In a way I'm relieved
cause I don't have to stress about it like you do
I might just get up and dance
or wear some acid washed pants
when you don't care then you've got nothing to lose
and I won't
hesitate
cause every moment life is slipping away

--Ben Folds

So today was my last day, except for Wednesday next week when I have my one final. Last day of school, last day of TV-10. Ever.

I did get a fairly happy story today, which was nice considering last night. My reporter and I went to the mall and got a holiday shopping story, and the kiosk people were very nice to her and I (especially since she works with them). Old Navy yelled at me for photographing them, though. It was more funny than annoying. Apparently you can't photograph an Old Navy without corporate permission. I guess they're afraid I'm doing an exposé on all their sweatshops or something. But by the time they'd yelled at me, I'd shot all the video I needed by then anyway. Then later, I was shooting something else, and I swear, an Old Navy employee walked by and heckled me. The original employee, who had just been doing her job, poked the heckler, and was like, "don't heckle her!" Good times. THEN, as we were walking out of the store, some old guy was all, "I saw you outside of Old Navy. I was going to help you out tell them you were getting a picture of me instead." It's like I was the Old Navy martyr. Everyone was banding to my cause.

Being part of the media is something I find very polarizing. Everyone really loves you or really hates you.

I'm going to a party later tonight. Usually the news director has a party at the end of the semester, but since she went on vacation at the last minute, one of the students is having it, so it's going to be a "real" party, I suspect. Which, is not really my scene, so I don't know if I'm going to do much more than put in a brief appearance. Real parties are generally a drag if you're sober, which I plan to be since I have to drive myself back. Plus, I've no real idea how to handle myself at them.

The last day was a little depressing, I didn't have much to do at the actual newscast. And more and more I get the impression that my production director disapproves of me somehow. And more and more he irritates me because I know he hasn't taught us as much as he could to prepare us for the real world. And on top of that, I still haven't learned the Avid, which I have to know for my internship. And the incredibly frustrating thing is this: I have plenty of time, oodles of time, in fact, in which to learn this. My halfhearted attempts at partime jobs have yielded no fruit, so I have all the time in the world. But 263 students still have projects they have to get finished on the Avid. And during break, the room it's in is going to be locked. I have no idea how the hell I'm going to learn. And I mean, at least I wasn't so stupid to lie, and tell Week that I knew how. But I said I'd try my best to learn in between then and now. But by then it was so far into the semester that people already had projects... Bleh. Why couldn't he have actually taught us the Avid when he was supposed to? Or at least made it clear that we were supposed to learn it on our own? So that when I did have my photo essay back then, I didn't wait until it was busted and then never learn......

TV-10 tonight: not so cool. We got off to a late start--we were going to do a story on adopt a child for (buying christmas gifts specifically for a needy child for the baby fold) and couldn't get a hold of the lady in charge.

First off, the story was going to be great because we were going to make the reporter ride this tiny tricycle made for a three year old in his stand up, a nice cap off to the many goofy standups we've done together this semester. Secondly, it was going to be nice because it was the first story I'd gotten to do indoors for quite some time as well. I was happy, despite the late start.

But then these three enormous concrete slabs they were using to build a parking garage fell on this poor construction worker and killed him. Now I don't want to be whine, whine, whine, my evening was ruined, oh, by the way some guy died. But really, this blog IS all about me. And I AM self-absorbed. So while I AM sorry that the poor guy had to die, and if I could pick either his death to go away or my horrible evening to go away, I'd definately pick the former, I am going to go ahead and whine about my evening.

We were, of course, called away from the happy story to cover the accident. But so was this other photographer. So I really was redundant. There was no reason for me not to pack up and go home. But I waited a couple hours, because I didn't want to be a jerk and run off. And then I finally got fed up and told them I was going to leave. And the other photographer's like, "No, I have to leave. I have to go to my job." Which pissed me off. Why, then, couldn't he have just left earlier anyway? And actually let me do something instead of have me bore my mind out standing around doing nothing.

And, though generally I like and get along with this photog, he was such a jerk about it. He could tell I wanted to just leave (because by then it was way late) and he gave me this lecture on responsibility. He's all guilting me, "Well, you couuuld leave if you really wanted to. But the production director did ask us to do this, and if it were a real job, you would have to do this... etc etc." Yeah, well if this were a real job, I would be paid for being here. AND if this were a real job and I were being paid for this, they wouldn't be stupid and send two of us, and I wouldn't have been standing around out here with my thumb up my butt for hours bored out of my mind. AND, this lecture was all triggered by an annoyed look I gave him. I hadn't even demonstrably complained about being there. The look wasn't even about being there. The look was because I'd been nice and put away his tripod for him because he was going around with it on his shoulder, and all of a sudden he decided he wanted the tripod back, which getting out again was a pain.

Anyway, I did get a little satisfaction. Mr. Holier Than Thou HAD made a mistake in camera filters because the light changes when the sun goes down, and all this happened at about dusk, and he forgot to adjust for that. And after he left, I did get to go up on a roof and get some interesting shots.

We got harrassed by some people at McDonalds for trying to get a witness reaction. But really, we're not vultures. We're the media. It's our job to get people this information. You know you want it. Or at least, the 80 people who stopped to ask me what was going on as they walked by did. If something blew up (which is what we all thought happened until we got more information) and the media didn't investigate and give you more info, you would totally think we dropped the ball. So quit complaining. We're just doing our job.

The good thing: I didn't have to stick around and edit. If I did, I'd have been there all night. Which would've sucked, since I'd have had to be back at 7:30 since I have a morning shift at TV-10.

This is one of the reasons I worry about my chosen career. I like the unpredictability. Because I don't want to be stuck in a cube, doing the same thing every day. But I do like to know that if I'm supposed to go home at 6:00, I'll go home at 6:00. Oh, I don't mind a half hour give or take, whatever. But it would just kill me if it's 5:50, and there's some huge breaking news story and I have to go out and I know it's going to take forever and I've already worked a whole shift and I just want to go home, and they send me out there for some huge indeterminable amount of time, even if I do get paid.

With the birds I'll share this lonely view

--"Scar Tissue," Red Hot Chili Peppers

So, the closer and closer it gets to graduation the more and more it seems like they're not going to screw me over and be like, "no graduation for you!" at the last minute!"

Which is good. But I'm freaking out a little bit. The real world? Am I ready for that? Can I handle that? School is all I know.

Anyway, the "participation instructions" section of the graduation website finally loaded. Which, is another relief, because for ages it wouldn't load, leading me to believe I would, again, somehow do something wrong and they'd screw me over and it'd be like, "no graduation for you!" But the instructions are surprisingly self evident, leading me to wonder why I needed to look at them anyway. "wear your cap and gown." "don't bring alcohol to the ceremony."

Which is actually refreshing compared to the thousands of Nazi-like restrictions of my high school ceremony. We actually had a dress code for UNDER our gowns. What is that? Guys had to wear whatever guys wear when they dress up, and girls had to wear dresses. Dresses! No pants. Not even nice pants. And they made us unzip our gowns beforehand to prove we didn't try and get away with wearing shorts and a tee shirt under our gowns or something equally unthinkable. I'm thinking it was a little more to screen out streakers, but still. You could get thrown out for not dressing up under your robe. I probably will have to dress up this time, despite less distractions, for the edification of my parents. I probably will get to wear pants, though, because I don't have any winter dresses.

In other news, I got a Christmas card from my grandpa and his girlfriend. ...and my parents haven't (yet). And it's sent my mom into an insane rage. If I hear one more thing about how the girlfriend has made Grandpa into a collossal jerk that doesn't care about mom, I will scream. Give it a rest. The man's happy. Can't you be happy for him?

I'm actually a little proud of the paper I was complaining about just now, the one where I have to work penises in where they don't belong. I think I did a fairly good job of it, also working in a lot of other random stuff that didn't belong into it. Oh, I also love how in another article I had to use, the lady's at great pains to prove that Shadow of a Doubt is darker than the family comedy it first appears to be, by drawing on all of this subtle incest stuff that may or may not be there, and this seedy bar that's out of place in the picturesque town etc. etc. But she doesn't even go into the fact that the Uncle turns out to be the friggin' Merry Widow Murderer! I think that is really what does in the happy family image, myself. All the subtle stuff helps a little, but I think it's more that the Uncle's a raging, pschoycopathic serial killer does the most work in that direction. But she's like, "Incest. I must prove there's incest!"

Anyway, now that I have my papers done, I'm feeling a little bit at loose ends, which is kind of weird. All I have left now is my final, which isn't till next wednesday.

Oh, I actually know a couple of the people graduating with me, which is nice. I wasn't sure if I would, seeing as how I've outlasted many of the people I started with, and am graduating midyear. But I was talking about it in my film class yesterday, and a guy I actually know quite well from TV-10 is graduating. And another guy who I've had a couple classes with overheard us, and was like, "I'm graduating too!" so I know at least two others. Not that either of their last names are close to mine, and I'm going to be near them in the procession, but eh, you take what you can get.

Anyway, what I really got on to blog about before I got sidetracked into phallocentrism (see the post below) and all that, was Christmas music. Seriously.

I hate Christmas music. In general. I mean, I’m not saying that when I’m in a certain mood Silent Night can’t touch me, or I don’t like belting out Come All Ye Faithful when I can remember all the lyrics, but in general, Christmas music makes me want to kill myself. It doesn’t bug me too bad when it’s a generic choir or something. Or when it’s kids that are singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for their own enjoyment. Or any music in a Christmas movie while I’m watching the movie. But I hate it when a pop star just has to put out an album of the same old Christmas carols. What does Jessica Simpson really add to O Holy Night that the 800 million other people who have done it don’t? Did Neil Diamond really have to cover John Lennon’s “Merry Christmas/War Is Over” 8 or 9 years ago and slap it on his Christmas album? When there wasn’t a war on? Isn’t he kind of missing the point? Hell, isn’t he Jewish? (yes, he is. Trust me, I know. My mom loves the guy. And she loves that song. The Neil Diamond version that is. Not the John Lennon version. And is a Christmas music addict in general which is probably another reason why I get tired of hearing so much of it.)

The song I most hate is Santa Baby. I realize it’s supposed to be tongue in cheek, but it’s the most materialistic damn song ever. And makes all women look like money grubbing whores. It reminds me of that diamond commercial they air around Christmas where the guy starts screaming, “I love this woman!” and the woman gets all mad, because his display of love embarrasses her, for no reason I can tell other than that she’s a huge jerk. But then he whips out a diamond, and she’s all, “I love you.” But really, she just loves that big stinking diamond. I hate that woman.

Anyway, I might be leaving out a couple because I’m absentminded, but this is all a whiney prelude to the bit where I wanted to mention the few Christmas songs I do love: Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer, Feliz Navidad, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings – Sara McLachlan/Barenaked Ladies, and Christmas All Over Again – Tom Petty

Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer is funny as hell, even after I’ve heard it a hundred billion times. It is the first Christmas novelty song, and even after countless imitators is still the funniest. Most of them are pretty lame, actually. And even though it sounds mean, I think it is the kind of song that shows love and affection for Grandma, even as she’s being ran over. I’ve heard a rumor of a sequel called “Grandpa’s going to sue the pant’s off Santa” but I can only dream.

God Rest Ye – this totally flies in the face of everything I said earlier about people thinking they give something new to the song, but what can I say. I think it’s the one modern cover of any Christmas song that actually gives anything to the song, though I couldn’t tell you what.

Christmas All Over Again – I just like it. It rocks out. And it gets played less, so I haven’t heard it 18 million times before.

Feliz Navidad – Okay, you’ve looked at the other songs on the list. You’re like, she’s got a twisted sense of humor, so I can see Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. And she seems like a Tom Petty/Sara McLachlan/Barenaked Ladies kinda gal. But how the hell did she come up with Feliz Navidad? And I would have to answer that question with: I don’t know. I just LOVE that song. I hear it and I get giddy. And it has to be the original version, the old Spanish guy, whoever he is. If Tom or Sarah or the Ladies came out with it, I would break the cd into a million pieces, pour gasoline on it, light it on fire, and throw the burning shards at their stupid faces for thinking they could top the perfection of that song!

So that's long winded, but I felt like saying it. Back to the penis paper.

I'm 1 page away from the end of my paper, so I felt like a break. Man, film theorists are the sickest. This is the second paper that I've written in two days that I have to be like, "These guys are afraid of losing their penises!"

Okay, one of them was on Fight Club, which you are sort of justifed in saying that. At least if you go with testicles. It does sort of start in a testicular cancer support group. And it is about men who like to beat each other up and cry afterwards. Just sayin'

But no one in the two movies I'm analyzing in this paper right now really is afraid of losing their penis. But all the theorists are Freudians, and I have to use them in the paper. It is Hitchcock, so you can easily find all sorts of other sick things like incest, but no, you gots to make up crap about penises.

Actually, most directors are pretty messed up if you look at enough of their movies. Like I was watching Meet John Doe the other day, a Frank Capra movie. Most people only know It's a Wonderful life, but I've seen about a bazillion Frank Capra movies by now in my college career. Frankie C doesn't have any weird sex stuff that I'm aware of, but boy, he is not as happy go lucky as It's a Wonderful Life would have you think (It's a Wonderful Life isn't even as happy go lucky as It's a Wonderful Life would have you think if you think about it). If McCarthy didn't have the man in chains, he should've. The guy's a raging communist, and critical of the government. Not that I find anything especially bad about being communist, especially the "love thy neighbor" kind it seems that Capra is. Anyway, I'm not quite sure if Capra is really, really, idealistic and sincere or is really, really sarcastic. It's hard to believe someone could be that idealistic and sincere about it. So sincere it hurts. And really mean it. But I kind of want to believe that he is. I could probably just read up on him and find out, but I prefer to let it remain a mystery.

I've been afraid I have a brain aneurysm since last night when I was watching a rerun of the X-files. This guy died on a toilet because this swarm of cockroaches attacked him. Only it turned out that he had a brain aneurysm that burst WHILE a swarm of robotic cockroaches from outer space just happened to be swarming on him while he was on the toilet. Mulder called up Scully and she was like, "Mulder, he died on a toilet? Does he have blah blah blah blah?" Mulder goes and checks, and the guy has whatever symptoms she mentioned. "Yeah." "He had a brain aneurysm, Mulder. They burst all the time when someone's on the toilet and they strain too hard."

Yeah, despite being a huge sci-fi nerd, I've never been a huge fan of the X-files. Sadly, less because of the ridiculous random episodes like robotic cockroaches from outerspace, and more because of the main story arc that you'd have to be a genius to follow. But lately when nothing's been on, I'll watch the occaisional rerun they have on UPN. The other day, they had one with Giovanni Ribisi and Jack Black in before they were famous, and I was like, "Whoa." Anyway, back to my main point: I'm on the toilet ALL THE TIME. I hate to gross you out (no, secretly, I love it) but who strains more than me? I'm gonna die on the toilet now, though sans robotic cockroaches, I just know it. That's the worst way to die. Elvis is the only one who can pull off dying on a toilet and still be cool. I won't be able to. When I die, they'll all remember me as that chick who died on a toilet.

"Remember Phoemeister?"
"Yeah, that chick who died on the toilet?"
"Uh-huh. I thought of her the other day when I was on the toilet."

The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning was Fight Club.

Well, actually, it was "I have to pee." Which is why I woke up so damn early in the first place. And stupid Fight Club was why I couldn't just fall back asleep.

I had a paper on Fight Club. Which... I just now finished. Which is kind of sad. It took me that long. And it's kind of a crappy paper. The problem with Fight Club is it's all over the place. So the paper's kind of all over the place. Instead of like, coherent. Which is usually more what I'm going for.

Now I have a paper on a couple of Hitchcock films. Does it EVER END?


Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!

--Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Today I did a live shot on the quad for the newscast. That I really didn't want to. It's cold out.

And last night I drug around a camera and tripod around a the zoo alone in the freezing cold when I didn't want to.

By in large, I love the photog biz, but the weather can really get you down. Especially since I've been dragging anyway ever since break. It's sort of sadistic, the way they give you a week break at thanksgiving and then make you come back for two more weeks. It's pointless. Either no break, an earlier break, or just the semester ends there, I say. One week of break and then two weeks of class and then the big christmas break just gets you out of sync and ready to quit for the semester. At least it does me. Especially since I've been having extra health problems since break. My mom pointed out maybe all the headache pills are what's causing the extra bowel problems, and she could be right. But my bowels have been known to act up out of no reason before too, so I'm reluctant to give up the headache stopping pills without sufficient proof.

I have two papers I should be writing right now. But... am not. You would think knowing that they're the last two papers I will ever have to write would make it easier, but no. I am finding it as difficult as ever to just yank them out of my ass already. Then I have a final. And am going to try to learn the Avid (an editting system that I should know by now but don't that they expect me to know at WEEK) during finals week, which actually shouldn't be too bad for me since I only have the one final. Then I have graduation. Then I am done! done! done!

Here is a conver I found amusing (that you'll probably find pointless) on the joy of filling out graduation announcements:


Phoemeister: Just addressed all my graduation announcements. Woohoo
Phoemeister: most of them are to these relatives I haven't seen since I was three
Phoemeister: I feel a little guilty, because basically it's like, "give me twenty dollars"
Kin: Yeah, but you're not saying that.
Kin: So it's okay.
Phoemeister: true
Phoemeister: and one of my relatives takes it to say, "give me an autographed picture of someone from star trek," so I'm interested to see what she comes up with this time :P
Kin: lol...Yeah. Maybe she'll get you a big movie poster or something.
Phoemeister: oooh :P
Phoemeister: I also find it annoying that we shelled out the big bucks (okay, the medium bucks) for the official jostens announcements, and the envelope adhesive is so shitty that it wouldn't stick and I had to just use scotch tape to close them all
Kin: You should've gotten those fancy seals.
Phoemeister: I did, but they're for the inner envelope.
Kin: Ah, right.
Phoemeister: Unless you're supposed to buy extra seals or something
Phoemeister: It's all too much
Kin: Well, you could get twice as many and use them for all the envelopes.
Phoemeister: I should've

So today my parents came in to watch me direct at TV-10. I probably looked dorky for having them, but I wanted them to see me do stuff. Plus, I'm not the first person to do it, some of the anchors have had their parents. So ha!

Anyway, it was pretty cool. They gave me props for how much work goes into the show that no one ever sees.

That's all I got to say for now.