I am SO tired of my mom. She can make me feel guilty about the slightest thing. Tonight, she wanted to have ice cream for dinner.

Okay....insert mini-rant within the context of greater rant, right here: We couldn't go out to a chinese place on my birthday, because the sauces make her blood sugar go up to high, but she can have ice cream for dinner? For lunch Friday, a long-john. A long-john. With icing. And a filling. On top of a carbohydratey mass that's drowning in sugar anyway. Oh, and every time we go to Barnes and Noble, she has chocolate cake for lunch. The damn chinese food can't be that bad.

Okay.....back to main rant: I was like, "Ice cream for dinner?" I admit, by my tone, I was saying, "Eh..I'm not too interested in that." She acted like I sounded like, "Ice cream? Why the fuck would you want that?"

So then, Dad says we can do it anyway, and she's all like, "No, I don't want too anymore." Dad, being the smart one, leaves the room (i'm guessing) to let her cool off. I stay behind, to alieve my guilt by trying to convince her back into ice cream. "Mom," I say, "Why don't you want any ice cream anymore? We can still do that?"

"You always contradict me. No matter what I suggest, you have to say the opposite."

"Look," I say, "I just didn't want ice cream as a meal. I've kind of OD'd on easter candy, and didn't think a whole heap of ice cream on top of that would be that great. I didn't think before I spoke, I could easily just eat something before we leave, and get a smaller ice cream dish." This is true.

"No, no. I don't want ice cream anymore!" Basically "I want you to feel guilty. I want it to eat you up inside until you're just an empty husk that does whatever I say from now on." Alright, I'm overreacting. But, (this is a simplification of the argument, of course) the not wanting ice cream is an attempt to make me feel guilty. On purpose. No one ever says anything like that unless they want you to feel guilty. You wanted to do something, now all of a sudden you don't, the reason you don't anymore is you'd rather make the other person feel bad. Sometimes, you are genuinely too upset to want to go out anymore. But I'd barely said anything (the above "Ice cream for dinner?"), and all of the sudden she's "too upset for ice cream." Because I didn't jump up and shout hooray at the suggestion, she's "too upset."

My dad tried to tell me later, that she doesn't mean to guilt me, but the woman is a guilt factory. She is always saying things like I'll never say anything again. This family hates it when I speak up, I'll never say anything again. There is no way to say that without trying to make whoever you're talking too feel bad. I always want to be like, "Promise?" Or You people treat me so badly. I'm just going to go away and never come back, won't you feel happy. Or something like that. I know this will probably horrify mothers around the globe, but after awhile, it's hard to take anything she says like that seriously, and I tune it out in order to maintain my mental health.

What also kills me, is the aforementioned, "You always contradict me. No matter what I suggest, you have to say the opposite." Basically, I'm a jerk. Anyone who always contradicts someone for the hell of it or (more likely) just to make the other person feel bad is a jerk. My own mother thinks I'm a jerk. I'm an ass that didn't deserve to come out of her womb. You know, she used to ask me in grade school thru high school how I was going to get along in the world, what with how disrespectful I was...... I was the teacher's fucking pet. They loved me. Why? They treated me with respect, and I did likewise back. I may not be the best daughter in the world, but I don't suck as much as she thinks, and I'd suck even less than I do now if she wouldn't act like I'm the village fucking idiot/a real big jerk. I do not disagree with her unless I genuinely mean it, and just because I'm not her yes-man (yes-woman, even), it infuriates her.

Oh, and later, my dad talked to her: We went and had ice cream for dinner. Yea..... you're so upset.