In the middle of the night last night I woke up with 24 hour flu-like symptoms.

And I hoped it was flu. That way, there would be a freakin' good reason for once, why my stomach wants to kill me.

But alas, no.

I saw 3 and a half hours of Whose Line is it Anyway? today. What cracks me up is it's on ABC "family," but Ryan Stiles said 'penis' not once, but twice during my three and a half hours of viewing.

Long story.

I love that feeling you get in the back of your throat after you've been laughing a whole lot.

My high school friend and I had SO much fun. It's weird, after I have just hung out with her, I miss her even more than I have when I haven't seen her for months.

2 new comics. I dedicate them to you, Pablo.

And to Kin, since they're from a conver we had last night :P

Ugh, I'm so annoyed--I did a mass com worksheet last night and forgot to bring it TO class today. D'OH.

Interesting incident, though: I sort of made aquaintances with a girl next to me in class. We bonded through doodling. First, she complimented my doodling. Then we exchanged some other small talk. Then, and this blows me away, she started doodling like how I doodle! Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, because I felt awesome. I love it when I do stuff and other people copy. It's like, I may not make the biggest mark on the world, but after I'm gone, maybe there'll be someone who doodles like me, or says "libary" like me, or does my "shocked expression." Okay, I doubt people will do that stuff taht long. But it still is nice to invent something that other people think is worth using.

"bunny bunny" I got that call last night, I was actually in, but since I screen, they left that iiiinteresting phone message for me.

I still can't stop thinking of Star Trek: Nemesis. It damn well better be good, or else I will be psychologically crippled for the rest of my days.

I've decided the reason I'm so excited is that Star Trek is not just a show for me, it is ingrained into the fabric of my life. Wait....that sounds like a cotton commercial. Anyway, not only do I get the surface enjoyment of the Trek, but I get the warm fuzzy feeling I get from back when I was little, and my Dad and I watched Next Generation together. Or later, when my parents let me stay up late one day a week so that I could see Voyager.

Star Trek was a part of our family. Does anyone (I know I'm an incredible dork) remember the episode where everyone's tired, but they don't know why? And then they find out these aliens from another dimension were abducting them in their sleep the whole time, and performing experiments on them. Like, they broke Worf's arm, and then put it back together, but it was off by .3 microns! Anyway, after that, whenever anyone in the family had an unexplainable bruise (quite a lot, actually) we'd claim that "the click-click aliens abuducted us in our sleep!" (The aliens made clicking noises) We still do that from time to time.

My sister used to cover her ears in dark hallways for years when she was little, because she thought Khan's earwigs would get her. I was creeped out by the earwigs as well. But we all loved the fourth movie, with the whales, and Spock wearing that ridiculous headband to hide the pointy ears.

To annoy us, my dad would call me and my sister by titles given to aliens in Star Trek. Daimon (Ferengi), Gul (Cardassian). Then we'd be like, "No! You're Daimon Daddy! or "No, it is YOU who is Gul Dad!" And he'd throw crabapples at us. Red were phasers, green were photon torpedos, because that's the actual colors of phasers and photon torpedos, and the green ones were bigger, just like photon torpedos were better weapons. There was logic.

So...uh....that's why I can't wait to see Nemesis

It's weird how site stats make you realize how strangely obsessed people on the net are with things. I mean, I knew porn. So all the ponr I get, not that weird. But, I swear, since I mentioned my youthful shag, I have gotten nonstop shag hits. Dude, the shag sucks, unless you're Florence Henderson circa Brady Bunch times. If you want to go crappy/tacky/ugly, just skip shag all together, and go for a mullet, man.

Second most surprising: all the vapo rub hits I get. Especially the vaporub + fungus ones.

Third: the band Matt's Dad's Basement should get their own website, because I'm getting all of their traffic.

Fourth: Why am I getting all the Spongebob Squarepants hits? I only like mentioned him once, and now I'm like, the leading authority.

Fifth: Ditto for the lead singer of Sum 41

Sixth: "Minerva Impression Crack" constantly. Usually on foriegn search engines

Seventh: That song in the mitsubishi commercials

Eighth: those AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL pants with "Bootylicious" written on them. I hope someone searches on it and finds this post and reads it, so I can insult them like this: YOU ARE A MORON. THOSE PANTS WITH BOOTYLICIOUS WRITTEN ON THE ASS ARE THE TACKIEST TASTELESS PIECE OF CRAP I'VE EVER SEEN, AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED AT YOURSELF FOR DOING A SEARCH FOR THEM. Ha.

Anyway, here are the funniest lately:

#3 on yahoo for: Redneck Keychains

Mebbe you can find them at the libary. (get it? Libary?)

#6 on german google for: Klingon+fantasy-swords

Dude, that's so uncool. Klingons don't have swords, they have batleths. Duh.

The corn field girl is in town for thanksgiving break, and we're going to hang out soon. I think this is awesome.... We aren't hugely close, sometimes it gets awkward, but I really love the fact that she's the one friend I had in high school that still hangs out with me, and doesn't act like I'm a leper because I go to ISU. Plus, it's awesome in the way we play off of each other in our goofiness. Also, if I make a stupid joke, she goes with it instead of acting too cool for me and my stupid jokes.

Also: I am SOOO excited. They've started putting out ads for the new Star Trek movie. AWESOME. I mean, a lot of dorky movies have/will come out this year, but THIS is the one I'm really excited about. Lotr, Ep II, Spiderman...... But Ep II blew. And Spiderman could never hold a candle to Star Trek. LotR comes closer....... but it's Star Trek: Nemisis all the way for me! Do you know the last time I was this excited about a movie?

When Star Trek: Insurrection came out!* I was still in high school back then, and on the dry erase boards in all of my classrooms I wrote: Countdown to Star Trek: Insurrection (number of days until insurrection). Sometimes I even added "Resistance Will Be Futile." under it, even though that one didn't have borg in it. I really annoyed some people, it was all I could talk about.

Anyway: really excited now that they've started showing the ads for Nemisis. I am sort of sad, though, that they're being so slow in coming out with them/the rumors that this is to be the last. I mean, the next generation crew started out older than the original crew in the first place, and on top of that, it ran way longer, so they probably won't be able to make them too much longer. And honestly, except for IV, the Next Generation movies are WAY better than the originals. And something tells me they won't make any movies off of DS9, Voyager, or the new sucky Star Trek (Enterprise), because none of them are near as popular as the first two. D'oh. Why doesn't the world revolve around my tastes?


*if it came out after ep 1. Then that was the last one I was way excited about. I didn't know that it sucked yet. At least Insurrection turned out well.

I know I'm a total hypocrite, because I don't even like talking to my mom in the first place, but it KILLS ME how much more she and my sister talk. Hours and hours. The slightest thing happens, and my mom is all like, "Oh, I have to call up sis." And mom's always insisting on driving her places. Which, that one I don't have to envy, because she does it to me too. But my sister lives fifteen minutes away and has her own car, so I'm like, "what's up wit dat, yo?"

Anyway, the bastards at ISU are making it so that we don't get refund or carry-over on the leftover money on our meal plan. Since I'm a pansy who goes home every weekend, I have a substantial amount of money left. So, my goal is to, right before the end of the semester, buy as much storable crap as possible and bring it home. Anyway, I wouldn't touch the food at the dining center with a ten foot pole when I'm not in school, I'm so sick of all of it. So my natural progression is to ask my mom and dad if they want anything. Like, bottled water. My mom is one of those freaks who buy water. I'm sorry to say this, but every person on earth who buys bottled water when they have the choice of tap water is a MORON. But anyway, I'd rather pass on ISU's premium bottled water (bottled in Chicago, which just proves my point about it not being any better or coming from a glacier or anything) to my mom, than get nothing out of the rest of that money I have left. (which, mom and dad should be glad I do this, it is their money, not mine, being wasted if I don't buy any of this crap)

So anyway, she called me last night to tell me that since my sister's having foot surgery, my mom will be at her house instead of our house when I call her to pick me up. Anyway, I start to tell her about all the crap in the cafeteria she has the option of having, and she was such a jerk. First, she tried to convince me that ISU gives me a refund, which they USED TO, and I already explained to her it was a change, that I see people buying whole cases of fruitopia every day now trying to use up their limit, that I even looked at ISU's website to make sure of this, and she's still a bit hesitant to believe me. Anyway, she cuts me off, saying it was time for ER, and she didn't want to talk about it right now.

I was SO PISSED. I mean, everybody hates to be shushed during TV programs, or told later because of TV programs. But, then again, everyone hates to be bothered during TV programs, so I can see where she'd be coming from, if I called her up in the middle of ER. But no, she called me during ER, purposely so we wouldn't have more than 3 minutes to talk. She yaks for hours about nothing to my sister. She passes around news to her that I only know if I happen to be eavesdropping on their phone calls. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I don't even like the woman most of the time, but it kills me that she loves my sister more than me. It doubly kills me that she like, loves my sister's DOG more than me. But that's another story.

I mean, we haven't had a major fight in ages, we bonded last week over me finding a Bon Jovi CD for her. And she can't even sit there long enough to find out what they have at the cafeteria that she might like? I guess she just likes repeating the same sentence with different wording over and over with me going "uh-huh, uh-huh" over and over more than letting me get a word in, in a real conversation about something that halfway affects her.

I enjoy Mie's response to my last post:

Well, having strippers thrown at you or Waterworld? Hmmmm.. Waterworld!! Cause Waterworld ROCKS!!!

Wow, I thought I was the only one who had such devotion to Waterworld.

I'm kind of depressed lately. All I ever do is watch TV.

Anyway, I had my first social encounter in weeks today, Igraine and I ate at Avanti's. It was awesome, especially the chlaymidia jokes and paying for our entire meal entirely in change.

I was a little sad, she was going out later with some of the others from the london trip, and invited me to come along too. But it was something involving a stripper. I thought of coming along anyway, just to get out. But it was 5 bucks (I'm really hard up for cash) and I knew, just KNEW someone would be a jerk and be all "Phoe's prudish. Let's make the guy grind right in her face" or some other crap. So I'm here at home. Watching Waterworld for the 80th time.

She invited me to visit her in Chicago over break. ....I should brush up on my interstate driving first, but that would be awesome.

Funny search requests:

I'm now #6 on google for: "classy porn"

AWESOME. I can't believe I'm so classy!

google #4 for: shag hairstyle gallery

again, awesome. I am nothing if not here to provide nothing but the finest quality shag hairstyle gallery in the world! muahaha!

And then all these ones involving "Stuckeyville" which makes me think they're about Ed.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have a new RA.

RA's put all sorts of crap up in the bathroom stalls. My old RA put up stuff from magazines.

Today, I found out about the new RA.

Today, I went to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I found that she put up Sinfest up in there.

At the first possible opportunity, I'm going to beg the new RA to be my best friend.

My day has not been so great. I hate to be one of those old ladies who gripes about their diseases constantly, but I am SO SO SO goddamn fucking sick of being sick. Lately, all day I feel like crap. Or crapPING, to be more specific. I am so so so so so tired of it. I just want to be better.

Aside from that........? Well, I had a test in Mass Com today. When I was at Anthro, the class I have before that, I realized I had no pencils to fill out the scantron with. And dude, I bought pencils specifically for this purpose last week. I even had them in my backpack yesterday, but must've taken them out after my Intro to Com Theory test, for no freaking reason. Anyway, I don't have time to go back to my place to get pencils in between anthro and Mass Com.

So I went to the nearby University Bookstore to buy some. It took me forever in line to buy them, and I was only behind this one guy. But he was being all chatty, and had bought a million things. I hate lines like that. At least if there's a lot of people and it moves fast, you can see how progress is being made. But one guy standing there forever telling the cashier who he bought each thing for, while I'm standing there holding one freaking pack of pencils, just drives me up a wall.

Then, of course, I leave my CD player there, in this cubby where they make you put your backpack before going in. Honestly, that thing annoys me even when I'm not being a moron and leaving things there. It's like, "We're the only store around this town that makes you do this, we pretty much think you, our students, are filthy, filthy thieves." Hey, you're the filthy, filthy thieves. I'm the one paying you vast amounts of money in exchange for breaking my will to live.

Anyway, I went back and got it, and then got to class at about the time I would've arrived had I just went back to the dorm to pick up the pencils I already had.

And anthro's being dumb lately. Right now we're on this whole unit that's basically, "Stop being racist because everyone's nearly the same genetically." I'm so tired of being told not to be racist. If you're not racist, you don't need to hear it. If you are racist, logic isn't going to enter into your little pea brain anyway. I'm not against some anti-racist messages, because there are probably a few people on the fence that need to hear it. But they just have to hammer it in, the same as anti-smoking propaganda that obviously NONE OF THE STUDENT BODY LISTENS TO BECAUSE THEY ALL SMOKE. Leave me alone.

EVIDENCE THAT ISU IS RUN BY DUMBASSES #458:

One of the main sidewalks I use to go to class goes right through a parking lot. Zillions of ISU students use it, it's somewhere that there really should be a sidewalk. But it's in the middle of a parking lot, for crying out loud. You can tell it's supposed to be a sidewalk going through a parking lot because most of the parking lot is asphalt, and has the lines for cars to park in, and the cars are parked in them. The sidewalk is made out of concrete, and students walk on it.

This is an accident waiting to happen.

Anyway, what set me off on this (it's nothing new) is coming back from class on said parking lot sidewalk, and I had to walk off of it, into the parking lot to avoid an ISU mower that was deliberately driving on the sidewalk. I know I see all sorts of ISU vehicles every day messing up the quad and driving students off of sidewalks, but it just seems even more wrong, somehow, that we're having to compete for the parking lot sidewalk with lawnmowers now, as if we were'nt almost run over by the cars in the parking lot every day anyhow.

Okay, here's an idle query: when did my family get to be hair nazis?

Well, my dad still isn't a hair nazi. But I'm beginning to wonder what's wrong with my mom and sister.

Situation: about a year ago, during the month o' ostracism I stopped getting my hair cut. This was basically to avoid my mom, who I would've had to see in order to get the ride to the hair place. And I like avoiding my hair stylist too. She always acts like I have this unibrow, which frankly I know my eyebrows can get a bit Oscar the Grouchesque, but does she have to hassle me about it every time I get my damn hair cut? I mean, she waxed it for free, once. That's how concerned about my eyebrows she is. She'll wax them for free. So after the free waxing I didn't want to see her that badly either.

Even after the month, I kept growing my hair out because I wanted to be able to do something fancy with it at my sister's wedding. I planned to cut it again shortly after. I have especially been thinking about it lately, because it's hard to brush all that tangly hair after I get out of a shower.

Anyway: I just haven't gotten around to cutting it yet. Basically because 1) I really have grown a dislike towards the eyebrow woman 2) Everyone who did my hair up to the eyebrow woman did a crappy job. I just can't find anyone who knows what they are doing, with respect to hair.

So how did my family get to be hair Nazis?

Mom: When are you going to get your hair cut? When are you going to get your hair cut? When are you going to get your hair cut? Every other time I see her. This actually doesn't surprise me so much, she's got this twisted psychological connection to my hair. When I was little I had long hair, but then mom's hair was short, and my sister's hair was short, and I was all like "I want to be just like my mommy and sister!" and submitted myself to the same awful shag with sideburns that they sported. Despite a lot of ridicule, I stuck to this hairstyle throughout gradeschool. I think my sister grew her hair out at one point, which gave me the courage to grow mine out. EVER SINCE THEN my mom has tried to get me to go back to her shag/sideburn coif that she still wears with pride. And if she can't get me to get the shag, she at least attempts to keep my hair somewhat short. I don't know why she gives a damn. Would having that same awful haircut as her mend the horrible rift we have between us? I certainly doubt it. Anyway, I wish the nagging would stop.

Sister: She's who kind of surprises me. Like, why would she care what length my hair is? But she harps on it more, if possible, than my mom. "Wow, your hair's getting really long!" she says. Innocuous in text, but believe me, she makes, "Wow, your hair's getting really long!" sound like, "Wow, you're getting really ugly!" She just says it this..... way..... that drives me bonkers. And she'll follow it up with "When are you going to get your hair cut?"

I don't know why this all bugs me, but it does. I bet I would've given in and gone to eyebrow lady a long time ago if they hadn't been hounding me, but I get a perverse pleasure in thwarting this strange obsession with my hair being shorter.

Bleh. I had another major headache today. Not a migraine, because most of my headaches come from my neck, but as near as you can get. And with the throbbing. Oh, and why is it that people who get migraines all act like it's some sort of club you can't join, when you get one?

Me: I think I had a migraine
Migraine Sufferer: No. It was a regular headache.
Me: How do you know?
MS: I just do. You can't have possibly suffered what I have suffered.

Anyway, I HAVE had migraines before, and this was about as bad. Anyway, I'm disturbed at how often I get really bad headaches nowadays. It's not enough I get one cripplingly painful problem (IBS), I have these headaches as well. Way too often. It also pisses me off. If I'm doing this bad at 20, when I'm all old my life is going to be hell. I'll eat more pills than food. IF pills even do anything for me.

Bleeeeeh.

"Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to."

"But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man."

"When a couple has an argument, they may think its about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this:"

"You are not enough people!"

--Kurt Vonnegut
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian


We spend all of our lives
going out of our minds
Looking back to our birth,
forward to our demise.
Even scientists say,
everything is just light
Not created, destroyed
but eternally bright

--Live
"They Stood Up For Love"

168 was pretty decent today. Learning arrays is way easier than learning classes was.

PLUS: we wrote a function called "get_high" today. Programming humor = the best thing about programming.

I saw the guy I talked to the other night again after class. He brought up that there's probably a rule that she has to say, "But you'll get into that more in 169 (which both the guy and I have to take next semester)" 80 times per class.

It's true.

On an unrelated note, I am materialistic.

I already have 24 items on my christmas list (only 2 of them aren't CD's). But my process actually starts large, and I whittle the list down to what I really want the most.

I have to say that now that it's almost over, I'm actually getting into Com theory. Some of the theories are kind of dumb, but it's really cool compared to a lot of classes, because I'm learning stuff I can actually see working in my life. I'll just be thinking about something or other, and some technical word from one of the theories pops into my head to help describe what's going on. It's pretty cool.

I'm kind of annoyed, though. I went to a study session this morning, and the prof sounds like people have been complaining about the class, and how she's going to have to make things easier, because she wants to get good evaluations (she doesn't have tenure yet). Let me tell you: if you don't get this class as she is teaching it right now, you are too fucking brain dead and lazy to be in college. Not brain dead. Not lazy. Brain dead AND lazy. There is no way to do really bad in that class unless you don't come to it AND never read the book. I am not trying to act superior just because I get this stuff. It is honestly like, "no duh." One of our theories is "the media affects people differently, because people are different." I mean, if you're brain dead but not lazy, reading that a couple times, you would get it. If you're lazy but not brain dead, you would get it the first time, and never look back. You would have to be brain dead AND lazy.

Anyway, I hate people who give bad evaluations for no good reason. I mean, I love laying into a bad prof in my evaluation as much as the next person, but I think the few profs here that are actually half decent should be retained, rather than getting shit because you're too lazy to do the work. I mean, I'll acknowledge that i'm lazy. I don't blame the prof for it though.

However, I blame several ISU professors for breaking my will to live.

I forgot to set my alarm last night. I had comp difficulties this morning. I had IBS difficulties this morning. They were cleaning our bathroom, so I had to walk a heck of a way in order to have my IBS difficulties in another bathroom. I had deoderant finding issues again.

Despite all of this: I left my room on time for once.

On my way to ACS I was smugly patting myself on the back for this. "Go you. You'll be on time! The teachers will love you! I'm pretty sure they're sick of seeing you come in late!"

Of course, the class I was SUPPOSED to be going to was not ACS, but Anthro. Conveniantely on the other side of campus.

When I realized, I hauled ass over to Anthro. I was late yet again. And sans pencil for a scantron test that I had forgotten about. Thankfully I got someone to lend me one.

I hope the rest of my day goes better, especially in regards to IBS, it's been especially bad today :(

I have the best conversations, here are quotes from some of them (In the MSN convers, I'm punk rock princess)

Kevin says:
there's gotta be someone who wants to kidnap you from some sort of perverted sexual desires
Punk Rock Princess says:
Aw, you flatter me

Phoemeister: how's you?
Talia: me good and you?
Phoemeister: My dad wanted to go to breakfast at this new place called Le Peep this morning. Usually I hate waking up early to do stuff like that, but I didn't have the heart to tell him no. Anyway, I got up early and was zombie tired, and then on top of it nauseous for some undiscernable reason. Then we couldn't go to Le Peep anyway, and ended up at Culver's, which is this place I don't like very much, but I was ravenous despite being nauseous, so we went there, and I had a dry heave and then some fries and rootbeer and a pumpkin milkshake and then when I got home I passed out until four p.m., and when I woke up. I felt great.
Phoemeister: You should never give me an opening.

Talia: yeah, my imaginary online-hit-on-ness is just as good as your imaginary online-hit-on-ness
Phoemeister: aww, why thank you for saying so

Talia: I've had pop-tarts that took less time to pop up a second time

Punk Rock Princess says:
Pretend you have chlaymidia. "Mom, I need my health card because I have chlaymidia, dammit. There, aren't you sorry you asked?"


Phoemeister: k, one sec
Phoemeister: I'm busy convincing Tom that he's bald and grainy
Talia: and he's not?
Tom: Ouch.
Tom:I am not bald nor grainy, except on Sundays.

"the wind blew me into a hurricane"

This is a line in the chorus of one of the songs on one of my new CD's. Today, I was listening to it as I walked, head down, into a 4 star gale. This amused me.

Honestly, on days like this, I'm reminded of all those old depictions of settlers coming into this area, and comparing the prairie to the sea, because the wind blew the grass in waves. I have a specific image of what this must've looked like in my head, even. It comes from some disney video full of tall tales like Paul Bunyon and Pecos Bill that they used to show all the time at my grade school for no obvious reason.

Anyway, pictures like that make me think that maybe we still have all this wind because we're not as highly urbanized as some parts of the country, there's not as many buildings to block it. But I can be standing directly next to a building and still be blown around. I have specific instances of this. Most of them involve Hamilton hall. Sometimes I think all the wind on the campus comes from Hamilton hall. Honestly, the east coast and the west coast are in together on a conspiracy that involves making buildings that emit wind, such as Hamilton hall, in the midwest to cripple our spirits. And we don't notice, because we're used to that Paul Bunyon video and think the midwest is naturally windy.

Actually, the wind wasn't too bad today. Well, it was just as bad as ever, but it's a lot warmer out today than it has been for the last several weeks, taking the arctic bite out of the wind, making it not so bad. Refreshing, even. Well, except for the dirt that blows into my eyes. But I close my eyes, and it's all right.

Anyway, I feel like a moron this week. Usually my moronic tendencies involve losing things, but this week it's definately getting up at the wrong time. Yesterday: I woke up late. Today, I forgot a class was canceled, and got up for it anyway. Hurried to make it, even. Hurried because I spent 15 minutes of my "getting ready" time on my hands and knees for fifteen minutes searching for my deoderant. It would be too ironic for me if deoderant actually did cause Alzheimers. Can you imagine forgetting where you put the very thing that made you so forgetful in the first place? I still haven't found it, I guess I'm stinky for today.

Strange note: while looking for my deoderant, I found a ziploc bag with a piece of pizza in it under my bed. And I haven't had pizza recently.

*I use anyway as a segue way too much

I love ISU's circus, the Gamma Phi. I've only been there once, but I don't just love them for their performances. I love them also because the people constantly practice. Hence, from time to time I will literally see someone going to classes on a unicycle.

There are only three things I like about ISU:

1) They helped me get to England
2) They give me server space
3) I see someone going to class on unicycle from time to time

Since the above list is rather paltry compared to the huge list of things about ISU that I hate, I am determined to enjoy these things to the hilt. This involves boring people I know over and over with stories from my trip to England, posting unnecessary pictures of Soccer Hooligans on the World Wide Web, and really getting a kick out of people going to class on unicycles. And I DO really get a kick out of people going to class on unicycles. It's something that sort of takes me out of the autopilot that I use to get me through my day to day business. When I notice someone on a unicycle, I start to notice the colors of the leaves and the bright blue of the sky, and the nice indian summer we're having to-day, and the way De Garmo hall looks, even though I'm the only one who doesn't think it looks dumb.

I don't think I'd want to live my life without small novelties like unicycles.

Which Founding Father Are You?

Aw, that reminds me of Sib. She LOVED Hamilton. She personally resented Burr for killing him. I'm not even kidding, if Burr got brought up somehow, the first thing she'd say was "That bastard!" and the second thing she did was to list out every bad thing Burr ever did, besides killing her hero. I think I heard her say Hamilton was awesome once, but I guess I can't call her a dork because I called FDR "the bomb" once. And I've also said I think Lincoln was cool. So it'd be the pot calling the kettle nerdy.

Well welcome to "Wake up much earlier than is necessary week" here on Angry White Girl.

Yesterday, I set my alarm an hour early. Today, I got up at 7 because I thought I had a study session at 8, which was apparently canceled. I went back home and laid down for two hours, but of course being the freak who can't nap, I couldn't fall back asleep. D'oh.

Me = tired

Well: (you can tell I'm bored, I'm only posting every three minutes now) I've not listened to all of S.C.I.E.N.C.E., but I saw the video for "A Certain Shade of Green" included, and I like that. It's a good song, but a borderline video. Old skool dreadlock and moustachioed Brandon Boyd is less attractive than new skool Brandon Boyd, but dreadlock and moustache Brandon seems more loveable and sincere, somehow. Also, he keeps his shirt on for about 80% of the video, which is about 80% more than in any other Incubus video I've seen, and about 30% more than in the Incubus photos I see. I appreciate this shirt wearing, it covers up the 3 inches of underwear he always seems to want to show the world.

This reminds me of the conversation Wanda and I had the other day about the new Foo Fighters video. We appreciate old, dry Dave more than new, sweaty sideburn Dave.

Yep. Very verrry bored.

Aw, I'm a crazy spender. Well, for someone without a job. *cough* someone without a job who isn't kevin--Talia and Wanda'll get this reference if they understand the pseudonym and ever read his blog. *cough*

Anyway, after my flu shot, mom and dad took me out to eat--mom overestimated the time we would need, so we had a half hour to hang out at best buy.

Have I ever mentioned that I am Best Buy's bitch? They used to have a cheaper flat rate than any record store, and mucho variety. But, lately they sell some CD's at a higher price (the popular ones, still probably cheaper than a record store) and some for a lower price (new artists, new CD's people don't know about, sometimes old ones). Anyway, it kills me. Why? I'm the type to pick up lesser known music and new artists. A lot of times I can abstain, but when they put them on sale and I know I'll never be able to get that CD at that price again--I fold like a cheap suit.

Anyway, they had a lot of great deals tonight. Mom told me not to get too many, because Christmas is coming up, but little does she know I could probably buy 50 CD's and still have a christmas list full of them.

Anyways, I got: Good Charlotte -- The Young and the Hopeless, Something Corporate -- Leaving Through the Window, and Incubus -- S.C.I.E.N.C.E.

GC and SC are kind of bubblegum (not necessarily bad, I just feel shame about all pop-punk bands I enjoy for some reason) and I haven't tried Incubus yet. It's one of their old albums, and I'm afraid to find whether or not I'm one of the poser fans who only likes the new CD's, or a real fan. I don't think I could bear the disappointment if it turned out to be bad. Anyway, GC and SC were 9.99 and Incubus was 7.99, so all in all--pretty good deals. I feel less bad when I get an album for cheap and it sucks than when I pay full price. There were a couple others on sale I wanted to pick up, like Sugarcult (yet another bubblegummy pop punk band), SR-71 (ditto), and Alanis Morrissette (I'd lent Jagged Little Pill to Sib's sister a few months before we had our falling out, I doubt I'll ever see it again).

Ugh, and I just got my flu shot and my arm hurts like hell

Welp, I'm depressed again. I'll have long swathes of time where I'm functioning pretty close to normal, and then for a few days I just feel crappy about something.*

Something including but not limited to: having IBS, having insomnia, never having a boyfriend, ACS 168, being an ACS minor, being a Com major, going to ISU, having no friends, the future of humankind (or lack thereof) etc. And usually thinking about one gets me started on one of the others.

Right now I'd say never having a boyfriend started it, but I've thought of most the others today (except I'm happy with 168 for once).

Here's the dumbest possible start for it: I was watching Stephen King's Carrie on TV last night. I mean, I don't even like horror novels/shows. I just did it because I was bored and lonely. Anyway, some of the sadness started immediately--my mom's not quite that bad, people weren't ever quite that mean to me, but I know what it's like to be an outcast with an overbearing mother. But most of it started during the prom scene--before everything went south. I started crying because I never went to the prom.

I'm a Junior in college. Why do I even care about this anymore?

But I did care. It's not like I can ever go to prom now, you know? Its just a door that's been permanently closed for me.

Here's all of the school dances I've ever been to:

8th grade at Miller Park-- I went with my friend Nicole, and she ditched me
8th grade at Chiddix Jr. High -- I went with my friend Nicole, and she ditched me

Junior Year -- After Prom -- My friends and I had a little party at a friend's house during prom, and went to After Prom afterwards. We had a lot of fun, though I think I got in an arguement over something with them near the end. There was awesome food, especially these huge yummy strawberries.

Senior Year -- Homecoming -- I was part of a club called "Advocates" that worked with the mentally disabled kids. A few of those kids came, and I watched them, along with some other people. It was really fun because a lot of my friends came along too, and there were enough other people watching the kids that I had time to have fun with my friends as well. This one guy who I have no idea who he is or was came up and gave me a flower and said I looked really nice that night. I thought it was a joke someone was playing on me, and wasn't overly thankful at the time, but no joke was played, so I don't really know what the point was, as I never saw him again.

Senior Year -- Sweetheart -- Awful. Only one of my friends came (she was also in Advocates), only one other Advocate besides myself and my friend showed up, and more of the disabled kids showed up than last time. We had to make one of them go home early, because she was pestering guys with dates and making them dance with her instead of who they brought, and being increasingly abrasive when guys turned her down. Plus, she had to leave early anyway, and wouldn't let us get her to the exit. At the time I was in the only relationship I'd ever been in (an online one, I was stupid) and was especially sad when they played a song I really knew he liked and was all alone without anyone to dance with.

Senior Year -- After Prom. We were all going to go with the group of friends but everyone else ended up with dates but me, so I didn't go. I came to see them at after prom, but everyone was tired from prom and didn't want to do anything but sit around. The strawberries I'd liked so much the year before were covered with this gross chocolate this time. I had an IBS attack and just went home.

Anyway, I just keep thinking of crap like this today, it's dull and rainy, I have no friends, and I'm sad.

"it always seems those little things, they take the biggest part of me."

*Also, today I accidently set my alarm an hour early, so I rushed to get to class, opend the door onto a bunch of puzzled strangers, and realized I had an hour until class starts.... A bit better than being an hour late, I guess

Funniest Answering Machine Message Ever.

Some drunk guy left that on my answering machine this weekend. The "Who am I even talking to?" part is because my name isn't in my outgoing message. The blive bleven blue is all him, though.

Should I call him for the hell of it, or steer clear?

How People Find Angry White Girl

Google 17 for: pictures of gorilla genitalia

No, but I have a picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan, that's something, right?

Google: .wav 2 Legit 2 Quit

Oh yea. Hammer's coming back, bay-bee!

Alltheweb 3 for: "naked matt damon"

Maybe The Talented Mr. Ripley would've sucked less if there'd been more naked Matt Damon (or more naked Jude Law, rawr!).

AOL Search 3 for: angy spongebob pictures

Apparently Wesely Crusher can't spell any better than I can (and shares a similar obsession with Spongebob Squarepants and his Spongey Sea Songs) because Wilwheaton.net is the #1 and #2 hits. Anyway, I have a picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking Soccer Hooligan. That's something, right?

Google: pictures of Rabbis that can be copied and pasted

Yea, I'm tired of those copyrighted rabbi pictures that they won't let me use. Anyway, I'll do my best to make my picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan copy and pastable.

Earthlink #1 for: angry dad

Actually, my dad's quite nice. I wonder if it's a Simpsons thing, they had the ep on last night where Bart makes a cartoon about Homer called Angry Dad.

Google #7 for: stickman murder spoilers

Not as funny, but definately as weird.

Google #1 for: goatees girl video

Aw, they came too late. I took "Girls With Goatees Gone Wild" off the site a month ago. Never fear, though. I AM working on a video about a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan.

Well, I was going to write this whole long post about how sick and tired I am of being sick (IBS) and tired (insomnia, society's forcing of me into a 24 hour circadian rhythm). It was going to be lame and whiney.

But yay, I went to the dreaded ACS class, and we got our tests back. I was the only one who got a perfect on the multiple choice section. WHOOO I OWN YOU ALL. Okay, I don't. I'm pretty sure I still don't know how the hell to use a constructor properly. Which just goes to show that again, I am much better at things on paper than actually doing them in the real world. But paper counts for an awful lot, I'm paying thousands of dollars and several years of my life to get a piece of paper, I might as well be able to play the system.

Anyway: I would've probably been torn limb from limb by my classmates if they learned that I hadn't even studied, 168 is a difficult course. Muahahaha.

But now, instead of feeling sick and tired, I feel WICKED AWESOME. And behind on my novel. D'oh.

img src="http://www.throwmeaway.com/soliloquy/quizzes/suicide/hg.gif" width="220px" height="100px">

how would you commit suicide?

YOU WOULD HANG YOURSELF. you both crave and fear death. you're fairly certain that you wouldn't actually commit suicide, but you often fantasize about it because you can't think of any other way to escape living a life that you hate. you're wary about doing anything irreversible and you have a healthy awareness of the repercussions of your actions.

Well, as you can see, the novel isn't going as fast as I hoped.

Yesterday, I probably wrote over my quota for the day: unfortunately about half of it was C++ for a program (I'm way behind on that too), and then I also wrote a certain amount for two other stories I'm considering instead of the original one. They all seem forced and sucky *sigh*

Anyway, today I haven't done anything at all because I woke up with a massive headache, and only now (about 3:30 in the afternoon) am I even approaching anything feeling normal.

We'll see.

Ugh, I know that I would be awash in self hatred after I started writing my novel, but I didn't know it was quite that bad. Maybe I shouldn't write using old RP characters, I keep wanting to add in miniscule details that have evolved about them over the time I've RPed them, and while details are good (I'm bad at coming up with details when the chars aren't from old RP's) I keep wanting to add them in inappropriate places. I don't want funny things, such as the fact that Elvis always dresses in a tweed suit with a bowler hat and one of those bowties that turns like a propeller when you press a button on it, to go to waste, so I'm like...inserting that fact where it's totally irrelevant and forced. Also, I found myself coming up with new irrelevant (and somewhat disturbing) facts and inserting them where they don't belong either. Also, I can't see where this novel is going, and I want it to be funny, but I want it to be clever funny, not "hey, laugh. My first character is a trout named Elvis."