So, our house is about 30 years old, and so is most of the plumbing in it. And apparently that's about when metal pipes get corroded and start doing unpleasant things like leaking on everything in sight. A few months ago, the pipes under our kitchen sink started doing that, and now the pipes under one of our bathroom sinks started. And we looked at the pipes under the other bathroom sink, and it looks like it was going to start leaking soon too.

So, we got a plumber to fix it, and as you probably realize, he turned off the water so that he could get his plumb on. So of course, after about four hours of no water, my colitis decides it's a really good idea to flare up. And I tell my mom about it, and she's like, "No, you can't do it!"

And I'm thinking, "Come on! What did you think was going to happen? Is there ever a day I DON'T have the runs? And I'm not like a regular person that can just keep it in, this is torture, and you know it!" And I say, "Mom, it's not like I just want to go for the hell of it. You know it's the colitis!"

And she's like, "I'd really prefer it if you didn't. We can't flush after!"

And in my head, I'm like, "Well I'd really prefer not to crap my pants!" But getting mom angry is, of course, the surest way to make her not let me use the toilet. Anyway, she asked dad and they let me go in the one downstairs. But I can't believe she was such a jerk about it! She knows how I'm like. Telling someone with my problems to hold it is like making someone with a bullet wound stand in line after someone with a sprained elbow at the Emergency Room.

"We stopped in every passing place
to watch the world move faster than we do
watch it pass with our eyes closed
the way we usually choose to

--"Remote Part," Idlewild