So the other day I revealed my secret to winning knife fights to my coworkers, my secret being that I use a gun. Get it? When the other guy gets out a switchblade, I shoot them.

Okay, only one coworker found it funny (Optpri), but she found it hysterical. So I figure I win (at being funny, not at knife fights. I don't even know how to use a gun).

I had other (better) stuff I wanted to say, but then I forgot. So I guess my knife fighting techniques are all you're getting for today.