Today I am cranky, cranky, cranky.

1) Sexy* thinks I'm a bitch, I think. Because I started my day, as I mentioned, rather crankily. And we do "reccomends" in the morning, where basically they ask us what we would reccomend to a customer and we mention something we've been enjoying lately. This is not that helpful, I can't remember a single instance I've used one of them, because usually what I like is not applicable to some middle aged lady I'm trying to find a book on Jesus for. Anyway, today mine was Stadium Arcadium, and it's only the second time I have used it so far. But anyway Sexy was all kidding me and going, "Hey, that's selling really well people already know about it use some imagination for cripes sake!" And I was like, "Bite me!" Because it's something I genuinely like, I hadn't just glommed onto it because it was popular. Then he tries to smooth over my anger by saying, "at least you have good taste in books," and mentioning a Neil Gaiman book I have on the hold shelf right now. And it just irritated me more, like, I don't need to justify anything I like to this guy. So anyway I teased him some later about something or other and he's like, "Why do you have to be so mean and nasty?"

At least at the second instance Renegade was there and pretty much told him that's how it works at the store, that we're always constantly teasing each other. AND if you can't take it don't dish it out. He also said, "Phoe and I respect each other. I respect that she's an asshole, and she respects that I'm an asshole too." Anyway, until further notice, I put him on my "irritating" list.

2) I had lunch with Sista today, which was nice. I got as much garlic as humanly possible because I was really in a mood for it today. It is about 12 hours later and I am still burping garlic, and that's how I like it! I also enjoyed her company. We have not gotten to hang out as much lately.

3) I was at registers all day. It actually kind of didn't suck because it was moderately slow and they actually gave me stuff to do while I was back there for once.

4) When Optpri came into work today, the first thing she told me was that she hates my mom, which makes me feel better. I sometimes wonder if my dysfunctional relationship with my mom clouds my judgement and she is not actually as horrible as I think, so it's nice to get people outside the situation (though admittedly fed the story from my point of view) agreeing with me on things and confirming my opinion. I have to admit, because I was in a bad mood, I mocked her smoker's cough to no less than three other people today, and got at least one or two others to agree that my Mom is wrong.

5) My computer is broken. Broken broken broken! It won't even turn on. I should be more upset about this, but I'm not. I think that's because it has bounced back from situations like this before, and I'm hoping it will again. Also I'm less sad because I plan on getting a new one soon anyway (when I move.) The parents said they'd pay for it as a belated graduation gift, and I'm going to hold them to it no matter what the hell happens the next few weeks. So I will be sad to lose my files if the old computer is not recoverable, but at least I have a new computer to look forward to (and my parents computer to use, like now until then).

6) I had dinner with Sista & Mouse at Wendy's. I'm thinking I should start going there for all my burger needs now that I have a stalker at McDonald's. I had fun, though it was kind of quick.

7) I hung out with Mulva and his buddies for his birthday! I feel bad that I kept forgetting that it was his birthday and/or doing mean things to him. I have the attention span of a goldfish, honestly.

8) I got home to an e-mail from my sister that basically rips me a new one for not going to mother's day brunch with her and my parents. Which, my mom, queen of the overreactors wasn't mad about this, so why the hell is my sister? My mom told me, when I asked, that my sister and her husband had made some big stink about me not being there on the day of, and instead of defending me, Mom had just been like, "I didn't feel like arguing about it," so I look like a douchebag even though I had lunch with her at a different time AND am doing the bulk of the flower shopping with her. Which, I am hoping to do tomorrow, which would mean truth telling time is on Friday. I think my parents are beginning to wonder why I am being so antsy about getting the flower thing done and over with. I hope once I actually tell them they don't get mad at me for being antsy about it. But seriously, though, if you have a bomb to lay on someone, isn't waiting until AFTER a special occaision the kindest way, even if you have to keep the secret a couple more days?

I hate the world.

____
* no, I don't find him sexy, but the joke that Renegade does still makes me laugh.

FUCKING WEATHER! JUST GET BETTER ALREADY SO I CAN JUST FUCKING TELL MY PARENTS I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS.

And every day I wait the more I just want to tell my mom, and screw the flowers, and her enjoyment of Mother's Day because she's making me miserable already about something else.

One reason it sucks to live with my mother while carrying on an arguement with her is because she NEVER LETS IT END. She just pokes and pokes and pokes and pokes and worries at it like a terrier. Somehow, accidently letting it slip yesterday that there is no closet in the appartement I want has opened some sort of floodgate of rage that she heaps on me day and night. Well... floodgate of rage implies fights. No, no actual fights. Just guerilla sneak attacks, which brings me back to the fact that it sucks to live with her while she's mad at you because no matter what you are doing she'll just randomly come up to you, interupt what you are doing, and tell you some new horrible thing she's thought of.

So I'll be reading, and she comes up to me, "You know, I couldn't live without a closet. It's inhuman." And she says it in that half-joking way people say things that they REALLY mean but play off as a joke so that you don't kick their ass for saying something bastardy like that.

I'm in my room listening to music and she interupts me with, "It just breaks my heart that you're going to go and live in this place! It keeps me up at night! I'm so worried about you!"

This, she says so sincerely that I admit I giggled a little. Because she sounds like she's persuading me not to live in a crack house or Rwanda. This is a studio appartement in a good neighborhood! Not even that far from where I live now.

"You'll have to park on the street! And is this a first floor appartement or a second floor appartement?"

"Second..."

"See!?!? See!?!?"

"I don't mind walking up a couple of stairs."

"What about moving?"

"I guess I'll do it somehow."

"You won't even have enough room to have a couch and a bed!"

....and again, I cop to being a smartass, but I start giggling again and am like, "Hello! I told you I was getting a loft!"

Then today I'm watching TV and she interupts me to tell me that she doesn't think the couch I want to use (this old one we have collecting dust in the basement) would fit under a loft. Oh, and I think another time while I was reading she told me that if this whole thing is because of Mouse (which, by the way, she has this irritating tendency to blame actions I take that she doesn't like on other people "putting ideas in my head") that I don't owe him anything, I haven't known him that long, and screw him I'm never going to see him again anyway. I think that's a pretty shitty way to look at anything, by the way. "Oh, it's alright to screw people as long as you yourself will not have to deal with the negative fallout."

But it's not just because I gave him my word. It's also because you are easily demonstrating to me why I hate living with you, right this very moment.

If I don't fucking get this appartement I will want to die. So.... everyone focus all your positive energy on this, just in case it helps. I would do the same for you!

Also, if anyone wants hang out, let me know: I will do anything to get out of the house right now. Sure, she'll just save her slings and arrows for when I get back, but at least I will not constantly be looking over my shoulder the whole while for another stupid ambush.

Is there anything sadder than a grown woman attempting to learn to ride a bike (the bike I was using, by the way, was made for someone far taller than me) in front of many amused onlookers?

Actually: not that sad, because it cheered me up a lot, and I needed that. For all that I'm still not able to ride a bike.

I also think adults learning to ride bikes would be an awesome reality TV show. But now that I posted it on the interweb, someone from FOX is going to steal that idea and not pay me. Such is life.

Things annoying me today:

--the fact that the application for the appartement I wanted came back to me today because it was so heavy it required extra postage. Why can't this just go through quickly, like I wanted? I was having a fairly decent day until this happened, but it makes me mad.

--I accidently let slip that the appartement doesn't have a closet, and my mom claims, "that's inhuman!"

--lack of sleep. Seriously, people: if I start acting (more than usually) weird or crazy, let me know. I get cranky when I'm not getting enough sleep, but if it goes too far, I totally go INSANE*, and I need to know if I'm heading that way.

--the weather. I still can't break the news about the trip until I get the flower buying routine out of the way, which I still haven't thanks to the weather.

Something good about today:

--I bought a hand-made mug from Mouse today! I love it because it is handmade and unique and not any of that Bed, Bath, & Beyond crap. I love it because it will give me something to remember him by when he's gone. I love it because it is so pretty.

_____
* the last time I was majorly sleep deprived was after my gallbladder surgery. It culminated in me randomly screaming at my doctor, "I need to get out of here! I have to get out of here! You have to let me out of this place! I can't stay here, I just can't!" I'm sorry to say I probably wasn't all that nice to the nurses either. The last time before that was when I had the college roomate who kept me up all night every night and then made her alarm clock go off 80 times at 6 a.m. every day. That resulted in me calling up my parents every day and not just crying, sobbing over to the phone to them about minor things that normally wouldn't even faze me.

I HATE THE WORLD. Err, the weather, anyway.

Since I had to work today, my family had planned to do mother's day stuff tomorrow. "Mother's Day stuff," by the way, is going to a nursery and picking out plants. Years ago, my mom decided that instead of us getting her things, us all spending time picking out flowers together was the way to go (especially since when we were little, technically we would be buying her presents with hers and dad's money anyway). So anyway, if tomorrow's weather is as horrible as it's predicted to be, that pushes back Mother's Day celebration. Which, of course, pushes back any startling revelations I might want to unleash.

I guess one good thing about all the waiting is I'm so tired of it that I'm less scared of actually telling. I just want to get it out.

Otherwise today was pretty good. I complimented a woman on her Mother's Day corsage and some weird store groupie has transferred his affections from TII to Mulva.

So I started out my day with the first nightmare about the trip. The problem was, somehow I'd booked my return flight in March, which, obviously, would involve time travel to make. Understandbly: I was upset about this.

On top of that, for some reason, Mulva was driving me to the airport and he had the attention span of a lemur. He kept wanting to stop for stupid things like snacks and I'd get more and more infuriated and start yelling at him that we had to get to the airport, but at the end of my long tirade he'd be like, "Yeah, so I can't decide between ring-dings and ho-ho's" and I'd want to commit violence upon his person.

My day's been fairly decent otherwise, except for this lady who came to perform at the store. Just to let you know, we do let people play in our cafe, but I don't think there's any requirement on how good they have to be, because we have had some stinkers. But, this lady was the WORST. All my coworkers complained about her constantly, I had more than one customer complain about it... And on top of her being horrible, basically, she sang to recorded music..... so it was just weird, one person karaoke.

Jersey came over to me from the cafe, and said, "Why? Why would they do this to us? We're good people. I mean... we're good people, why would anyone do this to us? No one should have to hear this, and we're good people..."

Then HTS came over and said, "You know that scene from Animal House where Belushi walks down the stairs and breaks that hippie's guitar? I want to do that....."

"...to this woman's voicebox."

If he had carried out that plan, I probably would've actually hit that shit to reward him before he was sent to prison. As it was.... I had to listen to it for several more hours, no one went to prison, and all shit remained un-hit.

There was also a pretty bizarre teenage couple in. They were dressed like they had come from Prom, but what the hell were they doing at the store? Nickel overheard some of their conversation and said they were going to some other store after that, too. On the one hand, if it's actually their prom, they are losers. If they dressed up weird to go to the store and annoy Nickel and I: I applaud them, because it worked. It really did make me want to emulate them, though. I'm too old to fake going to the prom, but formalwear for no reason is still pretty weird. Maybe if I get my hands on a wedding dress? Either way I would probably need a guy friend to do it with me because it would be no fun and less believable alone, but I doubt I could persuade any guys I know to do this.

The best part was is the guy turned up one of the listening stations up really loud and started singing along to it (presumably singing to the girl?). It was shitty emo. Now coming from someone who likes shitty emo, you might find that hypocritical, but I will tell you this: 1) At least I have the grace to be ashamed of it. I admit it's shitty (most of it anyway), and would probably not go to a store and start singing it in public. At least not as earnestly as this kid. 2) I would definately not like a boyfriend to start singing shitty emo TO me. That is just sad.

He was still WAY better than the lady in the cafe though.

Oh, and I keep remembering more and more about my day: I saw the McDonald's Stalker again today. It was the first time since the conver we had awhile ago that I went there, and sure enough: he was there, trying to make awkward small talk with me while I was waiting for my burger. I still will probably keep going there anyway. If Mcdonald's grossly abusive practices did not keep me away from their cheap, incredibly fast food, there's no way McDonalds Stalker will.

I got to listen to Stadium Arcadium after close while I alphabetized things tonight. I realize now that this is the best way to break in new music because I can't skip back to the few songs I've already warmed up to. It's also easy enough to do that I can keep my mind free to listen to the songs, but enough to do that my mind doesn't completely wander (which it sadly does, I'll find out I missed whole songs when I'm listening to stuff lately because I could'nt make myself not slip into reverie. I'm wondering if my ADD is getting worse and I'll never be able to suitably enjoy music ever again). Damn, preliminarily: that is a great CD.

Also, I made Retard Books this comic a huge long time ago but never put it up, so read and enjoy. It's about an incident Sista actually had with a customer. The weird mouth on the one stick figure is an attempted likeness of the emulation of the weird face the customer made. Enjoy.

Why did I not know how much I love herbal tea!?!?

I've never been a huge fan of tea, but lately since it's free at work I've gotten into it. The loose leaf stuff we have gotten since the cafe switched over: A+.

Anyway, I finally realized what the deal is: I actually still don't like real tea. I started drinking herbal tea because I don't like caffiene and then I found out: it has no real tea in it! The premise behind herbal tea is: let's boil something and see if it tastes good! Whoever thought of that: a genius, though a little scary. Because if he took it very far (which if you're so desperate for a good drink you start randomly boiling things, I think you would feel a duty to see how far this line of thought takes you) that dude must've been boiling everything! Dirt tea! Dog tea! Baby tea!

Anyway, I like it. Plus: it is free at work. I do tend to burn myself though. I will never learn patience.

In other news, Shiv is starting to annoy me. He never says anything that isn't supposed to be funny (actually funny about 60% of the time). Stop trying so hard, dude.

In other other news, I'm glad I didn't have to pay for the Over the Hedge soundtrack. For the sake of having a complete record of Ben's work I'm glad I have it, but I don't know if I like it that well (so far). First off: it seems very sad and angry for a soundtrack to a children's movie. I'm SERIOUS. All the songs are about suburban ennui and desperation. So depressing. I'm wondering if any of the actual lyrics are used in the movie.

Secondly: new version of Rockin' the Suburbs: LAME. You know when Bill Shatner's the best part of something that it is not that great.

Phoemeister: man, I hate tlking to LSEG
Phoemeister: he sid "guess what" to me and I wanted to be like, "You failed at suicide yet again? Well you know, if at first you dont' suceed...."
Sui: haha
Sui: Nice
Sui: YOu should have totally said that
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: instead I went with "what?"
Phoemeister: and now i'm hearing how he passed out in a Hastings.

Sui: Love is fleeting, hate burns eternal, as they say
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: hate springs eternal
Sui: springs, burns, whatever
Sui: Burning seems to fit it better
Phoemeister: hha
Phoemeister: mybe I'll sve that saying for poo
Phoemeister: but that burns too
Sui: haha

Hate the world, revenge soon, take out everyone!

Oh, by the way, my A key is being erratic, so if I miss some A's, it is computer error, not human error!

Anyway, bck to the hate:

Today my prents offered to buy condo (which I went and opened my stupid mouth a few months go nd sid that it would be nice to have condo insted of n pprtement so I wouldn't have to throw my money away) nd then let me py them rent at the price of what the appartement would cost.

Oky, I realize that is middle clss white girl complaint and that I should not be that sad that my parents are willing to help me out.

What does suck is this:

I saw it coming from a mile away. My mom keeps being all, "why do you want to live in a crappy little appartement with no bedroom" and I keep saying, "because I can afford it!"

And I think it's kind of a way to keep me on her leash. Because she is offering so last minute (last night I told her I applied to the landlord), after all attempts to keep me here have failed. And on top of any selfish reasons I have to not take her up on the offer I have the fact that this would pretty much leave Mouse twisting in the wind to find someone else to take his place (he wants to leave before his lease is up) this late.

Anyway, if possible, I want my name on the lease to this place before I tell my parents about the trip. I want to know that I am getting out soon to back me up on anything I say. I don't want to go around looking at condos, especially ones I won't be able to afford if, when the shit hits the fn, the offer is retracted.

Oh yeah, and I'm coming off another sleepless night. And though some of it is the trip, I also find myself thinking about the appartement too. Some of it is worries, but some of it is, "I wonder if I could find a cheap secondhand coffee table somewhere."

Sui: let me find this file
Sui: So I started playing this song
Sui: I was going to record myself playing the sax with it
Sui: and the clock started chiming exactly in time with it
Sui: it was totally an accident.. I started recording.. hit play on the song.. and then the clock started chiming
Phoemeister: what is this song?
Sui: It's the theme song for this evil villain guy in a game called Chrono Trigger
Sui: makes it even more fitting : P
Phoemeister: god, you're such a nerd
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: why would you think Hitler would want to help you with a song from a video game?
Sui: because it's totally an evil villain theme song
Sui: I've got a few others of me playing
Phoemeister: anything that isn't from a video game?
Sui: hmm
Sui: actually no haha
Sui: It's all from different games
Phoemeister: YOU ARE SUCH A DORK
Phoemeister: I AM ASHAMED TO KNOW YOU
Sui: lies
Sui: you appreciate my dorkiness
Sui: and love it
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I liked you when you were kind of dorky
Phoemeister: but the fct that you play video gme songs on the sx... very sad
Sui: You knew I had an appreciate for game music
Sui: you knew I played the sax
Sui: you should have put two and two together
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: now I know, but it is too late
Phoemeister: I'm already carrying your baby
Sui: haha
Sui: I knew I shouldn't have mailed you that sperm
Phoemeister: I knew I shouldn't have dropped it on my vagina
Sui: haha
Sui: "dropped"
Sui: like.. "oops"
Phoemeister: "d'oh. Oh well, I guess I'm having a baby now."
Sui: haha
Sui: "Another one for the meat packing plant"
Phoemeister: You're having baby!
Sui: hahah
Sui: delicious!

Happy surprise brought to me by none other than Sista:

Sista: i found the soundtrack with ben folds the hedge one or whatever in the promos and put it in your mailbox
Phoemeister: YES
Phoemeister: YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND
Phoemeister: I did not want to pay for that
Phoemeister: thanks so much!
Phoemeister: that will be the first decent thing ever I will have gleaned from promos


Knowlege brought to me by none other than Optpri:

The blowjob to taco exchange rate is 1:3.

Also: fairy hoors are on the prowl.

Lastly: malingering is a great word.

Today had the potential to really suck. Reason 1: I did not get very much sleep last night. Which, by the way, if I am cranky lately or seem cranky in the immediate future, please cut me a little slack as I have not slept well since APRIL. This morning I was especially tired, though, because last night I stayed up listening to music in hopes of sleeping better. It didn't work, as none of the music made me sleepy and I kept thinking of one more thing I wanted to listen to. So, Jupiter (disc 1) of the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album (Stadium Arcadium) made me want to listen to Wolf Parade made me want to listen to Aqualung made me want to listen to an old Saves the Day (Stay What You Are). I can't really explain the logic there, or why faster stuff like Saves the Day usually DOES help me sleep.

Reason 2: I was at registers all day.

But actually, I am in an awesome mood!

Reason 1: Red Hot Chili Peppers! I don't know yet if Stadium Arcadium is as awesome as I hope. The weird thing about me is I never know what I like right away. I can make educated guesses... but in the end, I sometimes fail. And the irony is if I like something right away, I only like it a short while, whereas sometimes if I don't like something right away, if I do end up liking it later, I love it forever. But, I do really like 3 songs right now and think I will like most of the mellow, non-funkish (I am the anti-funk) songs, which are about half of it. 28 tracks are a lot to digest, though, so no final verdict. Listening to it does forcibly make me happy in the previously stated manner of Wolf Parade though.

Reason 2: I got my application for the appartement today! I have it all filled out! The wheels are turning! I'm on the way to freedom!

Reason 3: the 'phew: cutest child in the universe. Obviously I'm biased, but still... that little kid is crazy. My dad was hitting this wiffle ball off a tee for him, and the 'phew and I "raced" to get the ball. I'd let him win, and he'd be running back to the tee with the ball, but I'd pretend I was still trying to get it, and he'd laugh and say, "mine!" One time I won, and said "mine," and it was not so funny to him. HILARIOUS TO ME THOUGH. I gave it back to be a good sport, though.

Later the ice cream man came around, and the 'phew actually rocked out* to the music it played the whole time it was approaching. And the 'phew likes it when we dance too, so the ice cream man had to pull up to a bunch of idiots doing toddler-like dancing to the song of his truck. Which, by the way, he seemed kind of surly and un-ice cream man like to me. Not that I've ever met an ice cream man before, but he did not seem that gleeful. Not that I blame him. I would go insane if I had to listen to the ice cream man music that long. It kind of freaked me out as it was.

Anyway, I can tell I genuinely love the 'phew because I let him put his oreo-y (my sister got an oreo ice cream sandwich, and the 'phew got to share with all of us) saliva all over my orange push-up. Multiple times. I think he actually liked mine the best because it is a lick, not bite, desert, and he was hurting his teeth on the others. I think it helped make up for stealing his ball.

Other incidental things that made me laugh:

I think Renegade is either finally warming up to me or completely hates me. Sad that I can't tell the difference. Anyway, I've started harrasssing him at work, and he acts like I'm insane. A conversation we had:

Me: So how do you like the new inventory guy?
Him: What? Why do you care? Do you looooove him?
Me: No. I've had one conversation with him. I was just curious.
Him: I'm going to tell him!
Me: Okay. Err... what is his name again?
Him: It's ___. But you can call him sexy ____.
Me: Okay. And when he asks why I'll tell him it's your idea, and that you find him very sexy.

Then later, Renegade and El Camino were talking about this Victoria Secret bag some customer had left behind that they'd brought a return in with.

Me: Um.. why are you guy's so excited about a Victoria's Secret bag? I mean, it's just a bag.
Renegade: It had underwear in it! It could've had a bra!
Me: I bet you would like to see that bra on sexy ____.

When I said that I was laughing so hard I could barely get it out, and Renegade acted like I was insane.

Also, my brother in law. He can be annoying sometimes (does not know when to let up when teasing someone) but he totally cracked me up with this comment today:

Me: It makes me feel British (on why I like to pronounce the word "schedule" shed-ju-al."
Him: Do you know what makes me feel British?
Me: What?
Him: Being white.

____
* By the way I think, and everyone I've mentioned this to agrees with me, that once the 'phew is out of the stage of liking "The Wheels on the Bus" type music, I should get control of what he listens to. Yes, I listen to Fall Out Boy. BUT, my sister and her husband listen to Gwen Stefani. That's just the tip of the iceberg! AND I would not play Fall Out Boy to someone with an impressionable young mind. Save my nephew from pop radio and vote yes on giving me his musical upbringing!

I WIN!

Things I won at today:

1) Getting the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album, Stadium Arcadium.

2) Completing Phase 1 of The Plan: (getting time off work for my vacation, confirming that the landlord is okay with me moving in the place I want. Hoping to sign the lease before I go on my trip)

3) Completing Phase 2 of The Plan: booking airline tickets.

Phase 3: telling the parents, we all know, will be difficult. One hiccup I remembered is Mother's Day is coming up. If I tell the parents now, and my mom gets upset, I pretty much just screwed Mother's Day for her. However, if I wait till after Mother's Day, that is more waiting for me (honestly, I'm at the point where I want to just get it off my chest and stop worrying already), and might tip them off that I've been keeping it secret for awhile.

I still think I will go the latter route, because screwing Mother's Day is a pretty crappy thing to do, even if technically it would be my mom's fault that she overreacts and crys for a week, thus not being able to enjoy her own Mother's Day.

It's okay. I have Stadium Arcadium to sustain me until I can let the truth set me free.

Phoemeister: I never go to Hardee's
Sui: Have you ever eaten there?
Phoemeister: like a million years ago before they made all those changes. I dunno, their ads do not inspire me to go there.
Phoemeister: when I go to a fast food joint, my main attraction is not "OH MY GOD THE BIGGEST FUCKING BURGER YOU HAVE SEEN IN YOUR LIFE"
Sui: haha
Sui: well they do have normal sized burgers too
Sui: their 6 dollar burgers are good in that they use 100% angus beef for them
Sui: I tried the double-6-dollar burger one
Sui: once
Sui: and almost exploded in a shower of meat
Sui: that's like.. a whole pound of meat on one burger
Sui: it wouldn't have been as bad
Phoemeister: that is too much
Sui: but
Sui: brooke got it for me on the day we were moving : P
Phoemeister: haha
Sui: so like.. taking lunch break from moving.. and I cram a pound of meat in my stomach
Sui: and have to move some more
Phoemeister: that is awesome
Phoemeister: how did you not die?
Sui: I can only assume it's because I'm already dead inside
Phoemeister: best
Phoemeister: reason
Phoemeister: ever

Phoemeister: so under interests on my myspace page
Phoemeister: I put poo
Mulva: but are you really interested in it?
Phoemeister: no. I am totally a poo poser
Mulva: after someone has to poo it, do you study it?
Mulva: oh wow, fraud!
Phoemeister: no. I was just frontin'
Phoemeister: you called me out on it!
Mulva: POO FRAUD ASTONISHES NATION
Mulva: PHOE REALLY NOT THAT INTO POO
Phoemeister: haha "a tearful Phoe confesses "I just pretend to for the glamour.""
Mulva: OPRAH CHEWS HER OUT ON LIVE TV
Mulva: I always wonder what Oprah really looks like. you know how magazine covers LIE
Mulva: like YOU
Phoemeister: I say we sneak into oprah's house
Phoemeister: and take pictures
Mulva: "Oprah actually proven to be sludge monster, explaining her indignity at Phoe's disinterest in poo."
Mulva: wow, this is the story of the millenium
Phoemeister: it is
Phoemeister: we could become the deep throat of Oprah exposing
Mulva: Woodward? more like Wood-TARD
Mulva: aw snap!!!!!!!!
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: you just called yourself a tard
Phoemeister: not that I'm arguing
Mulva: that was more of an impression of you making fun of him
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: I don't know if I like you taking my bits and using them for yourself. You should have to pay royalties or something.
Mulva: so you confessed you are not that enthralled with poo
Mulva: Now i will make a confession
Mulva: I'm Boss-boss's baby daddy.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: the best part is
Phoemeister: you didn't even work there when she first got pregnant
Phoemeister: so you like, knocked her up
Phoemeister: and then she got you a job
Mulva: LOL
Phoemeister: and no one will ever know
Mulva: well she wanted me to be able to pay for it
Mulva: seriously, ever need a job, what the career resources people don't tell you is to knock up the hiring manager a few months before the interview.
Phoemeister: You should make a whole book like that
Phoemeister: on tips on getting a job
Mulva: hahaha
Phoemeister: and then we could sell it in the careers section
Phoemeister: it would be my reccomend every day
Mulva: Mine's still gonna be Nanny 9-1-1

So, I've talked to Optpri, and she's come up with a stunningly brilliant yet simple plan of action RE: dealing with my parents:

At this age, especially since I'm moving out soon anyway, they do not have the right to tell me I can't do anything unless I give them that right. So basically, I go into this thing saying, "Oh, by the way, I'm going to take a trip." Instead of "Can I go on a trip?" or "I might be going on a trip." Of course, given the nosiness of my parents, (my mom even quizzed me on why I was on the phone with someone this late at night (10:30 p.m.), and who that someone was after I got off the phone with Optpri) I will have to tell them exactly what I'm doing, because they won't take something vague like, "to go and see a friend" for an answer.

I will try and be nice about it, but in the end, it's basically going to all hang on whether or not I chicken out, which hopefully I won't.

Anyway, I'm waiting until I have all my ducks in a row on this before telling them. I want to actually get the time off (I've already put in a request) and then get the plane tickets so that if all else fails I will have non-refundable plane tickets to stiffen my resolve. On top of that, I would also like to talk to my future landlord. I can take a month or two of horriffic guilt mom, but if the appartement should fall through for some reason, I do not want to have to endure even more horrific guilt mom. Mouse says he's working on it, though, and I will harass him more about it if he doesn't get it done soon. So... um... if you happen to meet my parents somewhere, breathe a word about this to them and you are wearing your guts for garters.

Lastly, if I were a religous person, I would have to thank Jesus for two things: 1) talking to Optpri. I just... it sucked not being able to talk to someone who knows my parents about this. And it still sucks, but discussing it with someone who has had dealings with parents similar to mine has done a lot to build my confidence. 2) Wolf Parade. I'm not even kidding, they make me so freakin' happy. When I have things like this going on, especially with the move on top of it, which I'm also having anxiety over, I tend to worry, mull over, run through scenarios, poke and prod at every angle of the thing. I have had a ton of trouble sleeping. But then I start listening to Wolf Parade and I'm like, "Oh, screw tomorrow. At least I am enjoying an AWESOME cd RIGHT NOW." And it physically makes me smile.

Oh what the hell, I'll hedge my bets: Thank you Jesus.

So I decided to tell the truth. I have a pitch I'm going to write down for my dad and then discuss it with him, and hopefully get him to agree and then use him to help me work on mom. And if they don't.... I'll have to grow a set of balls and go anyway, I guess. Which I really don't relish the thought of, but I hate lying.

Anyway, here's the pitch I plan to give, anyone have any input?:

I know this is a weird way to put this, but I find it easier to commit my thoughts to paper than to try to go through this verbally. Unfortunately, I tend to forget my reasons for things and get emotional. So I thought I would give this note to you, and then have you ask me any questions you have, and be able to discuss this with my main points here on paper to look at:

In June, I would like to take a vacation to stay with a friend. The catch: my friend is Ryan, who I met on the internet about five years ago. I know you and mom are skeptical of friends I've met on the internet, but to reiterate: I have known him five years, and we talk nearly every day. I know him better than most of the friends I have in real life.

I realize that even apart from the fact we met on the internet, there is the fact that he is a strange guy you've never met, and it's a little weird for me to be like, "oh yeah, I'm going to stay with him for a week." However, he is willing to talk to you and mom on the phone if you want, or give you any other assurances you might need. I am also not ashamed to have you talk to someone who I have spent such
a large amount of time speaking to over the last five years, or to let you know that I am going to visit him. I wanted to be up front about this, in the hopes that you would respect that and not try to stop me, as I am a grown woman and will probably go anyway.


I was trying to think of a way to be like, "yeah, and we also aren't going get it on" but it didn't seem to fit in very well at any point. I'm also trying to think of a way to make "oh, I'll go anyway" seem less confrontational.


Phoemeister: crap, this thing I'm typing out is not going like I planned. I had originally this impassioned speech about living my life in my head, but then I was like, "just stick with the facts" but now it just sounds kind of whiny. Like, "geez, I'm twenty fooooooooour. I want to go to vegaaaaas"
Sui: haha
Sui: That about sums it up though
Phoemeister: yeah :/
Sui: just make it sound less whiney

Today was awesome. Just one of those days where everything seems to go well. First off, two of the n00bs were there, thus relieving some of the pressure to constantly be on registers. I did spend some time at the registers, but Shiv did most of the interacting with customers while I was there to make sure there was someone answer questions.

Speaking of Shiv, he totally used "pwned" in a real sentence today. I really think he's going to give Mulva & Lister a run for their nerdiness. TII, of course, is still unquestionably the king of nerds at our store. He also kind of reminds me of Kin, who stopped talking to me much since he got a life. Reasons: nerdiness and tubaness. Thank goodness Shiv is not freakishly tall on top of it, or I would have to suspect things. I am also hazing him fairly well, as I managed to insult him fairly well with such jibes as, "Yeah, it's hard to run away when you have a tuba strapped to your back. Especially since you run like a girl."

I managed to climb the tall-ass ladders three different times today, which is quite unusual. Not that I am physically unable to, just that there's not much call for it. Anyway, I don't know if it's altitude, but I had a lot of fun up there. Death and I started giggling over a song I made about how I have to bow my legs to walk up the steps. Then Nickel & I had crazy fun times over this journal that had fish on it. We were calling it the "crazy fish" journal, and that somehow evolved into a song about crazy fish to the tune of the Spiderman theme song. "Crazy fish! Crazy fish! What's the dish on crazy fish? In the air, in the sea, crazy fish for you and me! Crazy fins, crazy wings, will Phoe fall off, as she sings? LOOK OUT! It's CRAZY FISH!" We also revived the "Getz" joke of awhile ago. She's actually grown on me quite a lot since she first started, I think we are buddies.

I also got to harass Optpri about her upcoming birthday. I REALLY swear I had singing in me today, because I started singing birthday wishes to her to the tune of Grease'd Lightining! from Grease. Though that actually started earlier where I sung it for no reason to a customer. Anyway, Optpri managed to revive the buttock jiggling joke, which made me warm and fuzzy inside, because I missed that. I am so lucky to have friends who remember the stupid jokes I love and then forget to revive them for me.

Sista also awesomely pointed out to me the conflict of me wearing my Mulletproof tee shirt (which I was today) in the store while we actually had mulleted patrons. I myself wonder if they even know they have a mullet. Because seriously, who goes to the person who cuts their hair and is like, "yeah, I'd like a mullet. Business in front, party in back, my friend. If possible: do it with a flowbee." But who knows.

Lastly, Mouse finally burnt the Wolf Parade for me and I listened to it on the way home, and it made me feel (whether or not this is rational) that everything is is going to be alright, at least regarding my upcoming trip, which is what I was thinking about on the drive home.

There is more and more to love about the upcoming months!

Which is good, because frankly I had begun to dread them. So far, things making me feel icky are: right now, having to teach things to the new supervisor that has the job I wanted in the first place, doing more and more registers, having less and less early shifts, and a boatload of my friends moving.

BUT: good things: in July, I get to move out! I am going to get a loft and a new computer and live within walking/carpooling distance of Optpri! And in June, I am visiting Ryan in fabulous Las Vegas! It will be my first time seeing someone I talk to for like four hours every day for years now! I am so excited! And he's going to visit me in August!

Bad: I'm not sure how I'm going to either break this (that I am going somewhere to meet a friend I met on the frightening interweb, and he's a BOY, too!) to my parents or successfully lie about it so that I don't have to.

Lies I have thought of: telling them I'm going with a friend. I am thinking my high school friend would be most ideal for this, as my parents never see her around and/or don't really know whether she would have vacation time to do this or not. Something that would make her less ideal: I don't think I could get her to lie for me, so I'd have to not tell her I was using her in my lie, thus making things awkward if my parents get in a situation where they could bring it up with her.

Other friends: bad idea. Carmax has a husband, so it'd probably be weird to them if she went on a vacation with me. Also, she just started her job and probably would not have vacation yet. And my parents KNOW this, because they are nosy. All other friends work at the store, which my parents occaisionally shop at and would, with my luck, no doubt see the friend I was supposedly with at the store while they were supposedly gone on vacation with me.

Telling the truth..... frightening.

Sui: now if you can just convince your parents ; P
Phoemeister: yeah, well I'm going to have to make upsomething
Sui: haha "I disappeared in vegas for a week.. it was.. ALIENS"
Phoemeister: even if they find out when I get back, it's like, well, they can't do anything to stop it. And I'll be movingout in less than a month after that anyway
Phoemeister: "they MADE meblow all my money on the crapstable
Sui: it's true
Sui: what do you think you'll tell them?
Phoemeister: that I'm going with a friend
Sui: They'll see through that lie right away
Suibrom: "You have no friends!"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I do too!
Phoemeister: Plus, tthat would make Las Vegas as a destination more believable, because they know I'd never go to vegas on my own steam. I am not a gambler or partier
Sui: This is true
Sui: Have you thought about telling the truth?
Phoemeister: Do you think I should?
Sui: And I don't know, I was just curious if you'd thought about telling them
Phoemeister: I don't know. If I explained to them I have known you for years now, and we talk every day, I could see a slight possiblity they'd go for it. But thething is, if they didn't go for it, there'd be no way to take it back. Also, even if you weren't fromthe internet, I think my parents would have a hard time with me staying a week at a guy's house
Sui: Hm that's probably true
Sui: but really, what can they do?
Sui: You have friends that could drive you to the airport
Sui: and they can't really threaten to kick you out
Phoemeister: My mom can make every second until I move out miserable
Phoemeister: I would like to tell the truth, though
Phoemeister: Man, I wish I knew someone who knows my parents I could talk to this about. But my sister is such a snitch. If I did end up going the lying route, talking to her would be screwing myself.
Sui: hm yeah that would suck
Suibrom: there's no way you could trust your sister?
Phoemeister: I dunno. Maybe I could. But I'd feel kind of crappy putting her in a position likek that
Phoemeister: where she knew I was lying to my parents and had to keep that info from them

So.... if you have any ideas on how I could make a good lie or suitably spin the truth/feel out my parents, let me know. I need to know!