Do you know what annoys me? People who wear pants or shorts with things written on the ass.

It's like, "Hey! Look at my butt!" Have they ever considered that I don't want to look at their butt? What right do they have to inflict their butt on me? But, as a bee is drawn by nectar, my eyes inexorably drop down to the writing, and my brain's like, "You idiot! You're reading her butt. Did you really think someone's butt had something worthwhile written on it? Honestly." And in addition, I'm sure I look like I'm checking out some girl's butt.

Most of the shorts/pants say "ISU" (the S all but lost in most people's cracks), which makes me hold ISU in less esteem than ever, for making these abominations. I think my night was capped, though, by the girl I saw last night with "Bootylicious" on there. How confident do you have to be to wear Bootylicious on your ass? How do you know it is, in fact, bootylicious? Is there a committee out there that decided what is and what isn't Bootylicious one day? Did she survey friends? "Check this box if you think my ass is bootylicious." Did she go up to strangers, "Will you look at my butt and tell me if it's bootylicious? You're allowed one squeeze to help with the decision."

Oh and don't get me started on the song bootylicious. Or Destiny's Child. Or....anything.