Today was pretty rocktastic:

1) I found out the appartment I wanted to move into is actually $100 dollars a month cheaper than I had thought. I'd rounded it up a hundred in my head because I thought it was too cheap to be real. But somehow I had gotten confused about the utilities too, so actually that's more than I thought, but not a full $100, so I am thinking this is a substantial gain for me anyway.

2) I got to work with Sista all day, which I have not been seeing her much lately which has made me sad, but I am happy today because I did get to! Whoo!

3) Mulva said he might bequeath to me, my children, and my children's children his massive DVD collection (for one year). Since they are illegal copies, he thinks it would be difficult to get them past customs when he goes to Japan and he might need a caretaker.

So, yeah, pretty good day.

Me: Aww, you're still at alpha? Poor Jersey.
Jersey: Don't cry for me. I'm already dead.

Phoemeister: see... I hate all forms of excercise :P
Sui: Yeah, it's difficult to motivate myself to do it
Sui: I think being single again helps
Sui: because I have a reason to try to make myself look good
Phoemeister: well I think in july I will start losing some weight because I will totally no longer be in a house full of free brownies
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: if it works I'm going to call it the poverty diet
Sui: That would do it
Sui: I guarantee this diet works

Phoemeister: I really wish generic brands didn't look as fancy. I would really love to just buy a ginormous block of cheese in a plain white wrapping that says "CHEESE" in big block letters in black
Sui: Haha
Phoemeister: why can't we go back to that zyzfsm oc vsnsdi
Phoemeister: system of packaging
Sui: Oh my god!
Suibrom: Zombies got Phoemeister!
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: more like my parents start bothering me and it makes me lose my typing skills
Sui: haha
Sui: I think it's the Russians
Phoemeister: THEY UNPLUGGED ME
Sui: You knew they were monitoring
Phoemeister: they were
Sui: and you started typing encrypted
Sui: so they wouldn't understand
Sui: Because no one can break the Phoemeister code

So, I have not wanted to post this, considering so many people I know in real life know this page by now, but I can't keep it to myself any longer: my deoderant changed formulation and I think I'm allergic. My pits are itching like CRAZY. So if you see me, and I'm not madly scratching my armpits, I'm at least thinking about it.

This has happened before a long time ago, with Secret deoderant (by the way I had to make sure I capitalized that, because I didn't want you to think that I had some secret deoderant made of babies or something), which apparently proves I am not a woman, seeing as how it's specially formulated for them.

Anyway, I switched deoderants, and either I'm also allergic to the new one, or it takes a couple of days.

I saw Optpri today, she came over to watch the muppets with me on our broken DVD player. It turns out that all the Squid & Whale business (we rented that lately but couldn't make it work, but we could get other DVD's to work, so thought it was something to do with the DVD) was actually due to legit DVD player problems which re-reared their ugly head today. So we ended up talking, which was cool, but I am beginning to wonder if the Muppets are cursed. I mean, at first, we couldn't even get the DVD's out of the package, and a week ago we'd planned to do this and it turned out that the people she lived with had some emergency and she was left taking care of the animals (she lives on a farm, y'allz. Hardcore! She's seeing the farrier tomorrow!)

Well today sucked pretty bad. I did register all day, which is exhausting under any circumstance. Thankfully, though, I did at least have something to do the whole day, which is a lot better than when they're like, "Uh, just stand there."

Then I got a huge headache because of the loud construction going on in the cafe. AND, it became obvious I had started shouting and overcompensating when I would shout at people and they'd be like, "You don't have to shout. I'm RIGHT here." and I would hang my head in shame.

The one bit of fun I did have was very cheesily saying, "AND THAT'S NO APRIL FOOL!" after telling people the coupon the register was printing out was good from tomorrow till the second.

Tomorrow, I am ready for a day of nothing but lunch with family and muppet-tastic goodness.

1) I finished Monkey Island for the FIRST TIME IN YEARS. Once I got past the one bit I was stupid about, it was gravy.

2) I found the other comic I made, "Rabbis in Weasels," which I've now put up for your viewing enjoyment.


Phoemeister: Oh, and I know it's no real consolation
Phoemeister: BUT I TOTALLY FOUND MY WEASEL COMIC
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: I'm so self absorbed
Phoemeister: can't you tell I was like, "listen to his problems, listen, okay, I'm tired WEASEL COMIC."
Phoemeister: I guarantee you this is the scariest weasel you've ever seen
Phoemeister: http://www.geocities.com/tribble80/weasel.jpg
Sui: hahah
Sui: Where's the rest of his intestinal track that continues out from the stomach?
Sui: I mean.. how will he ever pass that rabbi?
Phoemeister: I KNOW
Phoemeister: I totally thought about that
Phoemeister: and I was like, "What will bother people more? The fact that this rabbi will be trapped in there forever, longing for the sweet release of death, or me drawing a poop chute on that thing?"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: also it looks like that weasel is wearing some sort of eyeliner
Sui: Goth weasel
Phoemeister: lol
Sui: he's also got one fang
Phoemeister: I should just randomly put gothy clothes on it and then never explain why
Sui: he's pretending to be a vampire
Phoemeister: it's his profile
Phoemeister: yeah, but if he really were, there'd only be rabbi blood in there not the whole thing and THE CARTOON WOULD MAKE NO SENSE.
Sui: yet he has no bottom teeth ;P
Phoemeister: LOOK, judging by past cartoons, are you really surprised by the poor quality of this drawing?
Sui: Hahah
Sui: No
Sui: but that doesn't mean I can't complain
Sui: or poke fun of it
Phoemeister: lol, okay
Phoemeister: just so long as I know where I stand RE: my position in the art comunity
Phoemeister: I think it's nose looks kind of weird too
Phoemeister: and the ears
Phoemeister: and... basically everything, I drew it in like 2 seconds
Phoemeister: you can tell I put way more effort into the reindeer indiana
Sui: ---- Most Art
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|----- You

Phoemeister: ouch :P
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: but thanks for making it even more easy to understand with that diagram
Sui: I have to make things clear for you

Then, he apologized, so I made a tribute to one of his old comics (the tribute is under the top category of comics)

Speaking of comics, I have to link you to THE BEST SPAMUSEMENT EVER, "Hello, Me Not Dead."

The facial expressions make that one. He is REALLY angry. And rightfully so.

I have a new comic in the disturbing search request category. I actually have two new ones, but the other one I made a little while ago, forgot to upload, and now I have no idea where it is. Anyway, enjoy "A Reindeer Indiana."

So: I have an addition to my Octavia Butler conversation I posted awhile ago, and that's the fact that vampires were in on the plot to kill her. The fact that I omitted this is a travesty to many, so I am glad to rectify this.

Work was pretty cool. Double Dizzle came up with a synonym for zoo-off, Zooel. Like duel. But with zoos.

And I read a poem to some very unimpressed little children. It was Shel Silverstein's "Boa Constrictor" where basically the snake is eating you and you're like, "Oh no, it's up to my toe! oh fiddle, it's up to my middle!" and so forth until you're like, "Oh dread, it's up to mmmmmmpth!" because basically at that point in the poem you are inside a boa constrictor and can't enunciate very well. I thought I would get big laughs, but not so much. I think they were just very apathetic kids though, because Mouse read them a poem about pirates, and he got a very low-energy response when he tried to get them to yell "aaaaaaar!!"

Sista: Did you know that Rick Springfield is in soap operas now?
Me: Let me guess: there's a guy named Jesse and he's hot for that guy's girl. But the point is probably moot.

converz

Mulva: (RE: a photo of me) I'm going to show this to everyone and say it's my mentally handicapped friend.
Me: I prefer differently abled. Mentally.


Sui: it's because the Russians run the interweb
Sui: and you made them mad
Sui: so they just unplugged yu
Phoemeister: the russians just unplugged you sounds like a line from a futuristic film made during the cold war
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: I'd like to see this film
Sui: I would too
Phoemeister: I'm thinking it's a mixture of Johnny Mnemonic
Phoemeister: and Demolition Man
Sui: And 150% less suck
Phoemeister: I'll tell you my reasons though:

the whole unplugging thing made me think of Johnny Mnemonic

for some reason I see Sylvester Stallone in this movie somehow, which is why I picked Demoliton man
Sui: haha
Sui: I bet stalone could destroy a russian accent well
Phoemeister: it would be awesome
Phoemeister: and probably mostly grunting
Sui: well yeah
Sui: but I'd still watch it
Phoemeister: DAMN STRAIGHT YOU'D WATCH IT, OR ELSE THE RUSSIANS WOULD UNPLUG YOU
Phoemeister: hopefully there would also be a montage of Stallone training to do something
Phoemeister: and/or a futuristic technoey version of eye of the tiger
Sui: haha
Sui: techno version
Phoemeister: you know you'd love it
Sui: I would
Phoemeister: I am going to write a letter to Moby or Fatboy Slim insisting they make this song
Phoemeister: and then after that a letter to Soderbergh or Spielberg insisting that they make this movie

So I had this ginormous Dr. Pepper at work today. If people thought I was hyper before, well.... today I went nova.

Seriously, though, today kicked ass. Work went by so fast. Have I mentioned that I want the early shift to have my babies? Because I do. I actually accidently stayed past time to leave ten minutes on accident.

There've appeared a couple of cracks in my mom's facade of acceptingness of me moving out. Not big ones, like I don't think she's going to start some big thing, I can just tell she's worrying about it, because she just starts thinking up these random questions to ask about the place I want to move into. Basically, I don't know a huge ton of details, because I've only even visited once and at the time I wasn't like, "Oh gee, maybe I could live here someday," I was just over to watch a movie with Mouse. BUT, I trust Mouse enough to tell me if it was infested with rats or something, so I'm not that worried.

And I'm sure it's normal, especially with how nosy my parents are, to ask these questions, it's just that she like.... randomly started asking while my Dad and I were trying to watch a movie we rented (History of Violence, which by the way I don't think is all it's cracked up to be). If you can't wait until someone's done watching a movie to ask them something, it's definately a question that's gnawing at you.

I leave you with an illustration of my Dr. Pepper fuled hyperness:

Me: I'm finished.
Mouse: You're Finnish?
Me: Why yes, I actually am Finnish! Bork! Bork! Bork!

YAY. I did get up the cojones to mention the appartement to my parents, and they were actually quite cool about it. ROCK.

I also saw V for Vendetta today and Goodnight & Good Luck. Both quite good, though I totally have some disagreements with V's ideology.

Both more political than I generally go for, too. In fact, Goodnight & Good Luck addresses this. Murrow takes down McCarthy, which I think anyone can agree is a valuable service to society, and immediately after his show is replaced by some stupid game show. Basically because people, such as myself, would rather have mindless entertainment than think. So I kind of felt like I was a kid who just stole a cookie or something and someone totally called me out on it. For the record, though: it's not that I don't watch news and politics because I'm too lazy, it's that I actively avoid them because I am a chronic worrier and watching the news frankly terrifies me. Showing me the news is like making an 8 year old watch a slasher film. I'll seriously be up every night for weeks. Still probably a crappy excuse but hey, at least I vote, which is more than I can say for 40% of the country.

V for Vendetta -- meh, I liked it as a movie but if I ever met anyone who was like, "Oh my god, I feel the same way! It's like they read my mind!" I would have to punch them in the face. It's kind of like Fight Club in that it points out society's ills and then shows you how to go about fixing them, only the way to fix them is just as horrible and/or asinine as the original problems. And while you can tell in Fight Club that Fight Club realizes Fight Club is a stupid way to solve society's problems, V for Vendetta seems to lack that self-awareness. I mean, I don't think the Wachowski brothers are all telling people, "blow up shit! It'll fix everything!" but I do think they see V as a better, more effective hero than he actually is.

Bad news: My computer won't start. I've had it happen before, so I'm hoping it will start working again like before, but who knows.

So I'm feeling a little bad now because Mouse is moving in July and I've pretty much accepted his offer for me to take his appartment when he leaves, and I've not told my parents yet. Mouse isn't making me do it or anything, I have been so excited about moving out since he even mentioned the possibility awhile ago that I've been daydreaming about it.

Anyway, as of last night it's pretty much a done deal. I have to tell my parents as soon as possible so they have the illusion they're being consulted, and in case they go insane and don't let me leave and I go insane and don't tell them to suck my balls because I'm leaving anyway, that way Mouse isn't stuck thinking I'll do it, and then not finding someone else.

The reason I'm so excited: it's a cheap place, and I think I could actually afford it. Mouse makes more than I do, but he managed to live there and still have enough left over to drive all the way to Ohio every two weeks. Plus, before that he used to work part-time and still afford living there. Plus, I've seen the appartment, and it's not crappy or in a crappy neighborhood.

In other news, I'm feeling a little bad because I've finally had the realization: this is probably not what I want to do with my life. I know, I know, why didn't I have that realization earlier? I guess because this is the first job I've had that I really like. And I really like the people too. I don't want to leave them. However: that has pretty much been taken care of for me already, as they all seem to be deserting like rats on a sunken ship. Current tally: no-pulp & Jaws left already, Mouse, Jersey, Double Dizzle leaving in July, Sista leaving in August, Mulva leaving at a yet to be determined time.

But I don't know what else I want to do. The only thing I really loved was being a photographer, but then I learned it's mostly driving, which I hate, and that all the people are ginormous douchebags.

Most possibilities involve more schooling, which is stupid if I don't even know what I want to do. The only thing that sounds interesting at all is Librarian, which I don't know if I even want to do that that badly. And I wouldn't even know if I liked it until after I spent thousands of dollars in school, much like with photography.

Is it a crime to actually like being in retail and not be counting down the days till I leave? And miss everyone who does leave?

Fact: it is great to alphabetize books on Nantucket while drinking a Nantucket Nectar.

Man. I have too much time on my hands. And I don't even know what to do with it. I don't know if it's because I was sick last week and thus didn't do anything, or what, but I just feel really lonely and annoyed every time I try to do something I would normally do when left to my own devices. I'm tired of my music (which is frankly ridiculous, because I have tons of new stuff I've gotten lately and I haven't even gotten through a lot of it, but it seems like immediately after I get to the point I like a song I am tired of it already), I'm tired of reading, I'm even tired of lemmings.

So I think I definately count as white trash now, seeing as how I just sewed a patch on my favorite hoodie that does not match the hoodie using thread that doesn't match the hoodie OR the patch.

Okay, it's not as ghetto as Ryan, who admits to stapling his socks together and using twist-ties and paperclips to hold holes in his pants pockets together, but then again, I actually wanted the repair to work, so I kind of had to go "classy" with actual cloth and thread.

I DID have some navy blue thread, a better match even than the bright blue thread I mistakenly used last time to fix this hoodie (it matches just enough to show I was trying to make it match, but it is different enough to drive me nuts every time I look at it), but it is the worst thread ever. EVER. I spent three frickin' hours trying to fix this damn hole with this thread. So eventually I gave up and tried a patch. And it still wouldn't work because it kept getting tangled, so finally I was like, "SCREW IT" and used white.

Anyway, I could afford a new hoodie. Or I could get my parents to get me another one. Or I could use the other three I have (no, I don't know how I ended up with so many hoodies either). I just get attached to things.

Ryan's told me that next time I should get a soldering iron and "solder that shit together", but I've decided next time, I'm going to buy a bedazzler and get a really huge rhinestone to cover up the hole. And if anyone's like, "why do you have a big rhinestone on your elbow?" I'm going to be like, "to cut you UP, BITCH!" and elbow them really hard in the stomach and run away.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Sadly, it's not due to me actually getting a life, it's due to the old skool copy of Lemmings that Optpri burnt for me. I eat drink sleep breathe lemmings now! Stopping to blog is not an option!

...and if it were, you would probably not want to read it, because all posts would SO be about Lemmings.

Today was pretty awesomeriffic despite the foul weather. I LOVE the early shift. Love love love love love. I want the early shift to have my babies.

Double Dizzle was talking about the game Zoo Tycoon today, and we bonded over it. I've had it a long time, but apparently he just got started and is in full addiction mode. Anyway, we discussed the various ways we like to pervert the game by trying to trap zoogoers into cages with tigers, making penguins fight camels and so on. Then we discussed how good we each are at it when not messing around, and our boasts led us to the conclusion that we will have to have a "zoo-off" to see who's better. So then every so often I'd be minding my business, and I'd hear "zoo-off!" behind me and I'd crack up. Also, we decided the zoo off would take like three days and we'd have to call in sick to work those days, only they'd be like, "Is that zoo tycoon in the background!?!? Get your ass into work!" and we'd have to be like, "No! Bengal Tiger 3 is REALLY sick, I can't leave it in this condition!" or "Jaguar 2 is having a baby! It's really IMPORTANT." Really, I think you'd have to actually play the game to realize how hilarious this whole thing was to me, but I'm giggling about it even now. And I didn't even bore you with half the elaborate schemes we have involving the zoo off, such as who's judging, what the standards are for a zoo off win, or why Double Dizzle believes his son is his zoo tycoon padawan.

Another hilarious discussion was Jaws, Optpri, and I discussing Scientology, Octavia Butler, space travel, and the author of that book Self-Made Man, which is about this woman who went under cover as a man for a year or whatever and wrote a book about it.

Jaws: *various rantings about scientology and how no one even knows what it's really about* And I knew this chick who tried to quit their cult, and they ruined her life!
Me: You should go undercover like that self-made man chick, and then join them and write your book exposing them, and then they won't be able to mess up your life because you'll be too high profile.
Optpri: Yeah, because *name of self-made man author* is so high profile.
Me & Jaws: Who is that?
Optpri: Exactly! No one knows her name.
Me: Yeah, but I bet if men killed for writing that book, it would get on the news.
Jaws: They could make it look like an accident!
Optpri: That could've been what happened to Octavia Butler. I doubt Scientologists liked her. She had these two rules about how the Human Race will be able to survive. Rule 1: we have to get space travel and Rule 2: no organized religion.
Me: No, no, no. Rule 1 about Octavia Butler: You do not talk about Octavia Butler. Rule 2 about Octavia Butler: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT OCTAVIA BUTLER!

...and that's the condensed version too, I left out the part where I sing the Stonemason song from the Simpsons and Jaws gets a tiny radio implanted in her ear so that she doesn't get brainwashed.

then I had another discussion re: this discussion:

Sui: I wonder how many other organizations follow the rules of fight club
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: Rule 1 about the Girlscouts: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIRLSCOUTS
Sui: Rule 3: two girls to a fight, one fight at a time
Phoemeister: Rule 4 about the AARP: if it's your first night as a retiree, you HAVE to fight
Phoemeister: Rule 5 about AA: No shirts or rings
Sui: I think AA would be more productive if you had to fight
Phoemeister: I just was imagining someone without a shirt at a podium going, "I'm steve, and I've been sober for 3 months now."
Sui: haha

So I've been off sick the last few days because of my throat. I really feel like a baby, because in most respects: it's not that bad of a cold. I'm a bit phleghmy, but not that bad, and no real coughing either.

BUT, I feel like I've been gargling with razor blades. Talking to customers, much less explaining our elaborate rewards program would be cruel and unusual punishment, in my opinion.

I was thinking maybe I had tonsilitis or strep or something, so I went to a doc in the box today, and the dude pretty much took two seconds with me and basically told me it is a run of the mill infection (though he did confirm it's not a cold per se, I just have an infection in my throat). It bugged me, because when I'm that much pain, I'd like a diagnosis that is pretty much, "YOU'RE RIGHT TO BE ALL BITCHY AND WHINEY ABOUT IT, IT IS A HORRIBLE DISEASE, BUT IT IS SOMETHING THAT IS CURED QUICKLY, HERE ARE PILLS THAT WILL CURE IT QUICKLY." Or at least for them to consider the possibility that it's something crappy, like giving me a culture for strep or something. But he DID give me antibiotics, so on the off chance it is strep, they'll help.

I am a little worried, though, that I might have a flap of skin down there that is infected that won't really be helped much by regular antibiotics, because one time I pretty much did have that happen and instead of giving me regular pills for it they had me gargle with antibiotics and then swallow them. It was weird, unpleasant, but finally cleared up the problem. But of course the doctor didn't really want to listen to me about that either. I mean, I can't blame them for trying to move people through quickly, especially since the flu's been hitting this area hard lately, but I'd just like to have some sign that the doctor has actually listened to what I've said and ruled it out due to empirical evidence rather than, "I don't have time to listen to this stupid hypochondriac, I have to move her out so I can get the next one in."

Anyway, my throat has been feeling a liiittle better today, though I don't know if it's from the antibiotics or the fact that I just gave up trying not to have much sugar, and have just beem sucking on hard candy like it's going out of style (as soon as one is finished, I stick the next lozenge in immediately).

But, I don't know if it's all the sugar, or all the drugs, but my poorly balanced to begin with digestive system has gone crazy too, which sucks. Also I can't help but wondering if all that sugar is making my throat an even more hospitable place for this infection to live.

Speaking of drugs: everyone who has ever told me (and this is actually quite a lot of people over the years) that Vicks Chloroseptic is a miracle drug on sore throats: you are idiots. It does NOTHING to make me feel better. Also: I have to wonder if this is even the same drug, as most of them also frequently mentioned it is the most godawful thing they have ever tasted, and I have tasted far worse.

Everyone who has ever told me that Nyquil helps you sleep: um... okay, I blame this on myself, actually, for sleeping all day and also far too regularly taking over the counter sleeping pills. I also blame the throat infection for keeping me in screaming pain. But let's just say that last night I could not get to sleep for six hours of trying, and that was with 2 cups of chamomile herbal tea, a dose of Nyquil, and what is quite probably an unsafe amount of over the counter sleeping pills in me even when not accompanied by Nyquil.

Ryan, too, knows the importance of a condom

Phoemeister: you must secretly be machosistic
Sui: haha that's quite possible
Sui: not secretly, just subconsciously
Sui: that's why I do stupid shit like start liking girls in Russia
Phoemeister: when you already have plenty of crazy right here in the US interupting you during your hamburgerhelperdilla
Sui: I thought that said "hamburgerpedophilia"
Phoemeister: LOL... that too
Phoemeister: no wonder she was so mad
Phoemeister: "I can't believe he's after Hamburger Helper's children again! Can't he leave them alone! Haven't they been through enough?
Sui: hahah
Sui: there father is a glove for christ's sake!
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: "They already got a restraining order! You'll go to jail this time!"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: I just have this image in my head of little glove children sobbing
Phoemeister: "keep the bad man away from us"
Sui: haha
Sui: i'm gunna put it in every finger
Sui: hole
Phoemeister: oh my god
Phoemeister: I am ashamed to know yhou
Sui: I think you mis-typed "amazed"
Phoemeister: I think I'll put it up there with the time you were like, "I'd do my dead mom's corpse."
Sui: I ddn't say that!
Sui: I said it was sexy
Phoemeister: lol
Sui: and "dead mom's corpse" is redundant
Sui: My grammar is much better than that
Phoemeister: nuh uh
Phoemeister: you could do her ghost
Sui: yeah but if I'm doing her corpse, it's apparent she's dead : P
Phoemeister: These are all things you think about while doing your dead mom and every finger hole of the hamburger helper children
Sui: Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly bad.. I use the hamburger helper children as the condom for when I'm doing my mom's corpse
Sui: Yeah that was a bit much :|

Sista finds her purpose in life

Sista: i turned on the easy switch one day
Sista: best decision i've ever made
Sista: i just don't put out
Sista: which i guess makes me a tease
Sista: oh well
prommhair: tease is better than herpes
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I think that should be the new ad for safe sex
prommhair: i should make ads for safe sex!
Phoemeister: lol
Sista: Itchin is not Bitchin! don't get the warts!
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Phoemeister: I love that one
Sista: People don't clap for the clap
Sista: ? eh eh?
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: you're cracking me up
Sista: i've found my future Phoemeister
Sista: i am going to rid the world of stds one slogan at a time
Phoemeister: you will!
Phoemeister: put it on when you get it on
Sista: THERE YOU
Sista: GO
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I like yours better
Sista: tag team advertising!
Sista: That Stick could be ICK... use a provalactic
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: That thang could protect your wang
Sista: Hands down your best work
Phoemeister: thanks
Phoemeister: I think
Sista: i have a feeling this will go on your blog
Phoemeister: that would be a correct feeling, my friend

Sista: Kevin said the funniest thing about you the other day
Phoemeister: what?
Sista: i was like Phoemeister is hillarious god she is so freakin funny.. and he turned to me and said "true story"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I <3 Kevin
Sista: and i died laughing
Phoemeister: that's great

Oh also, having a cold always makes me realize I must have very poor enunciation. Because normally, I speak very loud and people can usually understand me. But when I talk soft because of throat pain, but my soft is regular people's regular voice, no one understands a frickin' thing I say and I have to repeat 8 times, thus making me sorer than just sucking it up and talking to people in my regular voice.

Also I tried to make my comment labels reflect my new interest in shivs/shiving, but it won't show up. So either it takes time to update or I do not know how to do this.

Gah. I hate colds. I usually have them in phases: sore throat, then blindingly painful sinus pain, then coughing. Coughing, by the way, actually isn't even that bad, as it does not hurt like the first two phases. Anyway, the throat is particularly hurting, and even though I hate the sinus phase, I have to say after two days (especially today at work where I had to talk to customers and such) I am ready to move on to it.

The funny thing is other than that I really don't feel too horrible, but everyone still felt really sorry for me, because I was really quiet because I couldn't talk without hurting myself, and a silent phoemeister is just about the saddest thing ever.

In other news, I had considered joining the inventory team at work because I thought I would like the hours better and I like people on the inventory team pretty well. But the one opening was filled, and but then another one just opened up and they all were like, "Do you want to be on the team?" and I was like no and it opened up a whole can of worms.

See, Jaws and No Pulp are the ones quitting, I don't really know No Pulp's reasons, but Jaws feels that boss-boss is creating a hostile work environment and just can't take it anymore. So I was in the back today and Jaws was talking smack about boss-boss to me, and Lister overheard. Then after that they offered me the job on the inventory team, and when I said no they thought it was because of the smack talk.

My reason, which Elaine asked about later in private, is that the other position is going to TII. And TII drives me insane. He's not a bad person or anything but sometimes I just want to throttle him. And working day in and day out with thim, I would end up doing that. Plus, one of my reasons to even join the team is I like the team pretty well, but with no more No Pulp or Jaws, and the fact that Double Dizzle only works like three days a week means I would spend my time primarily with TII and this guy who I like fairly well but is not hugely talkative with me (hence me never even bothering to give him a nickname on here). Though funnily, he and Jaws were talking up the inventory team to me, and his arguement for me to join was "don't leave me alone with TII!"

But what kind of sucks is I told her not to spread it around, but like an hour later boss-boss knew about my reason being TII is annoying. So... I guess I just spread it around more, putting it on my blog and everything, but I really don't need this getting back to TII and it annoyed me that Elaine told someone else when I asked her to keep it on the DL. Anyway, boss-boss said if I joined TII and I would probably only work two days a week together and even then we probably wouldn't have to work in close proximity most of the time. But... like I said, the allure is gone.

The other thing was I'd like the early hours, and I think I might be able to work the early shift more anyway, because when TII becomes inventory, this other lady who works a lot in the mornings will have his old job, and I'm thinking they might schedule me more when she used to work. So... that would make me happier with the job I already have.

So anyway, I think I'm going to stay where I am and hope TII doesn't hear about it, and hope boss-boss doesn't think it's because of Jaw's angry talk.

Fate is indeed a cruel snake with bitter herbs and spices!

So I made it through an entire winter of retail without a cold and I got sick in March. Why? WHY?

Good thing about today: I finally got past the part in Monkey Island I have not been able to get past in ten years. It was awesome. It turns out: I just was not trying very hard.

No straight man would want to be a vampire!

So... I can never complain about old roommates I've had that annoyed me again. At least not around Optpri and Mulva, the former having had a crack addict for a roommate, the latter having been woken up in the middle of the night one time with his roommate gnawing on his neck. Both totally trump, "she smuggled in an ilicit hamster without telling me!" and "she would not let me play my music."

Also: The word "shiv" rocks. We've all decided that shiv is the new cool verb and the ishiv nano is the cool new technology. Because who doesn't love improvised stabbing utensils? Well.... maybe Mulva, who Optpri and I shivved with chopsticks and butterknives many a time tonight, as well as emotionally shivved him with hurtful jibes and put-downs (after which I would gleefully inform him, "you got shivved!). A hybrid of shivs and nunchuks is in the works, we are unsure as to whether we will call them shivchuks, nunshivs, or nunshivkas. I don't think I've had anyone go along with me and my "word I'm obsessed with don't you think it's cool too? Let's all say it a LOT!" tendencies since the great weekend of "honkey" in 2004.

Still can't get the flash drive to work gosh darn it. It is beginning to look like I might have to (try to) get a refund. I'm wondering whether bringing a shiv along to Best Buy will increase or decrease my chances of success.

So.... I have two dead birds on my conscience today.

It bascially all boils down to me being too stupid to properly set an alarm clock. I've made it 6 months on this job without ever being late (okay, one time I was 6 minutes late thanks to the ISU homecoming parade screwing up my route to work) but today I did not set it correctly, and ended up sleeping much later than intended. Thankfully, work is not too mad, I got an occurance which basically means I'll get in trouble if I keep doing this, but is not a real problem in the long run.

I'm also lucky that Optpri is not furious with me, I was supposed to pick her up and drive her to work today, which I obviously didn't. We've been carpooling a little of late, because she lives surprisingly close to me out here in the boonies. I feel especially like an ass that the first alarm snafu I've had this whole time would happen the one day a week we try to carpool, the day I'm driving, only a couple times into this whole carpooling program.

Oh, and the dead bird thing is she had to speed really fast on the way to work so that she herself did not get an occurance, and hit two birds. I noticed one was still mangled in the grill of her car, and its death stare made me die a little inside. Carpooling, the one thing I try to do to save the environment, would end up yielding me the untimely death of two of nature's creatures.

Also crappy: I still can't get the flash drive to work. It sucks, I almost wish the installation HAD been more complicated, then I could go back through the steps to see what I did wrong. But if it's just plug it in, then what can I do, really? That's what sucks about computers. If you bought a toaster and plugged it in, and it didn't work you could get a refund. I'm pretty sure if I can't get the flash drive to work... I'm just stuck with a flash driver that doesn't work.

I think it might be my crappy computer's fault (something I do to insure myself in case my crappy computer finally goes pfft! would be foiled by the crappiness of my computer). In investigating the problem, I kind of see some o fthe same things happening RE: the driver that controls your USB port that happened to me RE: the mouse driver and videocard driver back when they just stopped working a few months ago and I had to fix them. The thing is, what I did was re install the drivers from a CD that came with my computer. Unfortunately, the CD doesn't seem to have any USB drivers on it. SUCK.

Also no one gets the joke I make when they decide not to get a plastic bag. Which, I say, "Thank you for reducing our dependency on foreign oil." PLASTIC is made from OIL, people. Look it up.

Good thing about today: I sold 8 stuffed easter bunnies at work today. In two hours. How awesome am I? Also one of my coworkers put them all in goofy poses. A couple of the bunnies are drunk or hung over, one is hiding behind his ears, and several of them are in a conga line.

Though I'm still kind of in "I hate the world" mode, I had a pretty good day today.

For instance: for the first time in recorded history, a customer actually took my suggestion and bought a book I reccomended. I kid you not! She was looking for a good book on baseball for a gift, and I suggested Moneyball by Michael Lewis, and she actually got it! And I'm doubly happy because this was actually Ryan's reccomendation to me that I got to pay forward.

Then, it happened AGAIN. Yeah, someone was looking for some books for a 13 year old girl, and believed me that I used to BE a 13 year old girl and bought Dicey's Song on my reccomendation. I think. This one I'm not exactly confirmed on because I didn't ring her up at the registers like the other lady.

Also I had wantons.

Bad news: I finally got the flash drive I've been wanting to back up my stuff. This would actually be good news if it worked, but it doesn't. I haven't really tried that hard to fix it yet, though, so maybe I'll have a breakthrough. Unfortunately, though, I don't have a hell of a lot of ideas except going to the product's website and seeing if they have a driver or something, because it's supposed to be plug 'n' go, but I plugged and it didn't go and I don't see what step of that I could've possibly gotten wrong.

I had a crazy-ass dream last night. I dreamt I was still in TV, only not the station I was at, a big one in Chicago or something instead. But it was a weird meld with where I actually work now, some of my coworkers are who I work with now. So, I saw boss-boss at one point, and the trainer I had when I started (she quit since then, so I never really came up with a nickname for her) got all mad at me in this dream because something wasn't stickered properly (another thing that would actually apply to the job I have now rather than TV). But the funniest bit was I was so nervous about working at a large market television station (and this was my first day or something) that I hid under a desk. But I couldn't because Jersey was under there, only he was hiding because he had girlfriend troubles or something, not out of work-nervousness.

Also, I was talking to my parents in this dream, and they were trying to reassure me that I am a good photographer, but they actually made me feel worse because they kept listing things I am good at, but half of them were things they really had no idea about because they know nothing about photography and would actually start listing things I'm horrible at. And I was like, "I can't believe them about me being good at anything if they thought I was a good TD!" I think maybe that point is when I started looking around for a desk to hide under.

So my master plan to get all my coworkers together on monday is turning out to be an uphill battle. I wanted everyone to come, not just people I've hung out with before. But anyone who hasn't hung with me before doesn't say anything (and when I accost them about it they say they can't come), or else comes up to me and is like, "Uh, what's up with that note you left about everyone eating together on monday?" and I explain it to them, and then they say they can't come. Which really irritates me, because it gets my hopes up. If you aren't available that night, why would you even bother getting all the info on it from me?

Also a ton of people won't be nailed down on whether they're going or not. In some cases I understand (Mouse, for instance, is going to be in Ohio over the weekend and coming back on Monday), but in most of them it's like: how do you not know now what you are doing on Monday? Do you just mean you'll come to my thing unless someone else asks you do do something? Yes or no, damn you! It's not that hard!

However, I do have Optpri and Sista locked in so no matter what I won't be eating alone like a loser. Not that eating alone is bad, but when you're expecting people to show up it is crappy.

In other news: I HATE THE WORLD. I don't know why, but now and again I just get this kind of... I dunno, crappy feeling. Not totally depressed or anything, but just discontent and irritable. When I was in school I would always say, "I hate school" when I felt that way, and for awhile I have been saying "I hate work," but I realize that I actually don't hate work. So I figure "I hate the world" is a good thing to say when I'm feeling bleh.

So I went to see Minus Story with Optpri and Mouse last night. It was pretty good, though I can never totally get into concerts with music I don't know. It is easily in my top 2 concerts I've ever been to, though (top 1 is Ben Folds, of course, the other two I've been to were a christian concert I didn't know the band or really care, and Fuel & 3 Doors Down which I think we can all agree sucks). It was fun. I even had a beer. I think this week I've had more alcohol in the last year, because I totally had a margarita at a mexican place my parents took me to the other day. It's not that I don't lik ethe occaisonal drink, it's that if I'm driving I don't want to try it, and if my parents are driving I forget my ID and all these places still card me all the time.

In other news, there was this woman at the store the other day who bought a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship. She wouldn't get the Rewards program when I pitched it. I swear to you, in my head, I was like, "Man, I wonder if I could get her to take it if I verbally abused her. TAKE IT, YOU FILTHY WHORE! YOU ARE WORTHLESS WITHOUT THIS PROGRAM, YOU MANGY HOOKER. STUPID BITCH, JUST TAKE IT! You know I know what's best for you. I only get so angry because I love you so much. All you have to do is stop giving it away to every man in town and think about the vast rewards you will get by signing up for this program." And I almost started laughing in her face.

Also: I hung around work off duty awhile. I went to the cafe and tried reading Cigar Afficianado. But anyway, I stood up and shouted across the room to Kevin, who was working in the cafe right then, "I'm reading Cigar Afficiando," and he kind of is like, "uh.... okay," and several people looked up, and I realized I look like some random person announcing to the people that work there that I am reading Cigar Afficiando.


Phoemeister: but it was pretty good
Phoemeister: I had my first beer
Sui: Uh ohs!
Sui: ALCOHOLIC
Sui: You have become a degenerate punk kid!
Sui: going to your rock music shows!
Sui: drinkin' the beer!

All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick.

I dunno. I guess I haven't done anything that interesting in the last few days. I just like to flap my gums. FLAP FLAP FLAP.

That is all.

So Optpri finally saw the ol' blog and told me. I bet her thought is, "I have one make out dream about Optimus Prime and I am labeled forever?" but actually she seemed to find it amusing. So that's good.

My sister and the 'phew visited today. It was pretty swell. It only confirmed to people what I have been telling everyone else all along: the 'phew is the cutest child ever born.

Kevin saw me waving goodbye to the 'phew. So when it came time to write up an evaluation for me (they have been writing up tons of extra evaluations since the rewards program started to make sure we're doing it right) he wrote: "Phoe - good job asking every customer at register about rewards and explaining details in a friendly manner. Friendly greetings, and waving goodbye to babies - next you'll be running for office. Keep up the good work!" It cracked me up.

And it gave me an idea -- maybe I should wave goodbye to all babies leaving the store. If they love me, then they'll love the store, and we'll have hooked them while they are young. The future generations shall be ours! muahahahha!

Then after work my parents and I ended up babysitting him, which was really awesome. Yelling out random noises and acting like you are about to have a seizure really seems to impress him. Since that's pretty much what I do every day, this is a winning combination. He even got on my lap and had me read stories to him. Then when my sister got home he ran back and forth between us, screaming and expecting to be caught. It was fun, I can't believe the little bugger didn't get tired faster. Of course, my parents did have him hopped up on ice cream. I guess now I know where I got my terrible eating habits. Anyway: when he is in a good mood, he is a fun little kid.

Good times.

So..... Good things:

1) The DVD of Clue I ordered from the store came in, and I got it.

2) Ghiradelli chocolate went down to 50% off at work today, plus I got another 10% off on top of that because of the rewards program. So I bought like 5 bags.

3) I noticed corn dogs in the freezer at work, and I have decided that this is AWESOME for me because whenever anyone makes fun of my dietary peculiarities now, I can be like, "Well you know what? At least I'm not the poor bastard reduced to eating frozen corn dogs."

Bad things:

1) I think TII's mad at me. It's kind of hard to tell if he's mad at the world or at a specific person, because the former happens quite often. BUT I was kind of complaining about him earlier and I think he overheard me. The thing is: I'm still annoyed that he keeps telling me I'm not working hard enough/talking too much. Because he was doing it again today. If any other supervisor or manager tells me that, I take it seriously and do work harder. But he complains about me talking 20 times the amount any other manager has ever complained about me talking. And, like I said, I view it fairly hypocritical as he is in love with the sound of his own voice. So I was complaining about that and I think he heard me. I'm pretty loud. The thing is: I didn't say anything I didn't feel, it's not like I feel horrible that he overheard me. But I do feel bad if it's got him all angry at me.

2) The crazy drugged up customer who creeps me out called me "sunshine" today.

Good things that have happened lately:

1) There was a guy in the store the other day with the EXACT same keychain as mine. My keychain, by the way, is a gigantic (I'd say coaster-size) penny. Despite the fact that I have many other keychains (I collect keychains), I have been using this one since I was 16. That's 8 years. And this is the first time I have ever met someone with the same one (though I did meet someone with a big nickel once). And I think his was made by the exact same company and everything because they both have the same year (1995) and the little denver mint mark. I have met a kindred soul.

2) I have been at the store 6 months. That means I have a 401 K now. It means I'm a grown up. A grown up living with my parents and working retail.... but with a retirement fund. A very, very small retirement fund (6% of my tiny wages + the 50 cents per dollar the store matches) but a retirement fund nonetheless.

3) Also: once I've been there 6 months another nice thing starts happening: we get 30 dollars store credit every month. But... our discount goes down from 33% to 25%. So I kinda wish I had known so I could've spent all the giftcard I already have. BUT, I could just save all this credit until the employee savings day in july when everything but DVD's are 40% off to all employees. Rock.

Bad things:

1) I got no sleep last night for no damn reason. Insomnia sucks.

2) I don't get to work the early shift at all next week. I hate it that I won't be able to, because that is the best shift hands down. I hate it that until now I've only got it once a week for awhile now. There is this one chick that gets it all the time and I don't know why, (she does books, while they have me do multimedia more, but back when she started getting the early shift she knew little to nothing about either) except by now she knows more about book merch so she is probably the logical choice. I was robbed! That should be me! Plus, I don't even close next week, which is the next best shift. I will do the mid shift every day which is basically being stuck on register at least half the day if not all day and just being crappy in general because you don't really have a lot of time before or after work to yourself like you do with the early or late shift.

So: I think the rewards program has brought out the worst in me. The worst jokes, I mean. I am seriously going to get in trouble soon.

Things I have said RE: the rewards program to actual customers:

"If you don't sign up, they will beat me." (multiple times)
"You bunch of communists! Why don't you want to save money?"
"Customers who don't sign up for the rewards program do not get bags."
"It makes colors brighter and smells smell better."

So far the only one that has worked is "it makes colors brighter and smells smell better."

Lastly, EVERY TIME anyone asks me what the rewards program is, I like to very cheesily say, "Well, I'm glad you asked!" and then go on to illuminate the details. Though that one probably will not get me into trouble.

Also, we have to ask people if they've found everything alright, and when they say yes I've gotten tired of saying "That's good" or whatever bland reply. So for a long time I've said, "It's another success story!" or "that means we're doing our job right!" or "What kind of store would we be if we didn't have (whatever the person's buying)?" or "Good, that means I won't have to fire anyone." Today I added, "I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise it means the terrorists have won." to my repetoire.

I think I might've put my foot in my mouth again at work today. I was alphabetizing some CD's before shelving today and talking to Kevin and Mulva while I was doing it. TII came over to tell us to get more work done and he was like, "shelve! shelve!"

The thing is: TII's a total hypocrite about this! I think he talks more than anyone else in the store. Seriously, nearly every subject becomes a long lecture with him. But he complains about other people talking all the time! So I was irritated that he basically dropped whatever he was doing to come over to yell at us. And I mean, I admit that I have had moments before where I've been pretending to do more than I am in order to stay in the vicinity of someone I'm having a conversation with, but this was not one of them. I was genuinely working.

So basically I was like, "Why don't you shelve?" without really thinking of how disrespectful that is to say to someone who is higher on the food chain than you. And it ended up being funny, but afterwards I was like, "Geez. I should NOT have said that." Open mouth. Insert foot.