Sorry for the lack of updates. Sadly, it's not due to me actually getting a life, it's due to the old skool copy of Lemmings that Optpri burnt for me. I eat drink sleep breathe lemmings now! Stopping to blog is not an option!

...and if it were, you would probably not want to read it, because all posts would SO be about Lemmings.

Today was pretty awesomeriffic despite the foul weather. I LOVE the early shift. Love love love love love. I want the early shift to have my babies.

Double Dizzle was talking about the game Zoo Tycoon today, and we bonded over it. I've had it a long time, but apparently he just got started and is in full addiction mode. Anyway, we discussed the various ways we like to pervert the game by trying to trap zoogoers into cages with tigers, making penguins fight camels and so on. Then we discussed how good we each are at it when not messing around, and our boasts led us to the conclusion that we will have to have a "zoo-off" to see who's better. So then every so often I'd be minding my business, and I'd hear "zoo-off!" behind me and I'd crack up. Also, we decided the zoo off would take like three days and we'd have to call in sick to work those days, only they'd be like, "Is that zoo tycoon in the background!?!? Get your ass into work!" and we'd have to be like, "No! Bengal Tiger 3 is REALLY sick, I can't leave it in this condition!" or "Jaguar 2 is having a baby! It's really IMPORTANT." Really, I think you'd have to actually play the game to realize how hilarious this whole thing was to me, but I'm giggling about it even now. And I didn't even bore you with half the elaborate schemes we have involving the zoo off, such as who's judging, what the standards are for a zoo off win, or why Double Dizzle believes his son is his zoo tycoon padawan.

Another hilarious discussion was Jaws, Optpri, and I discussing Scientology, Octavia Butler, space travel, and the author of that book Self-Made Man, which is about this woman who went under cover as a man for a year or whatever and wrote a book about it.

Jaws: *various rantings about scientology and how no one even knows what it's really about* And I knew this chick who tried to quit their cult, and they ruined her life!
Me: You should go undercover like that self-made man chick, and then join them and write your book exposing them, and then they won't be able to mess up your life because you'll be too high profile.
Optpri: Yeah, because *name of self-made man author* is so high profile.
Me & Jaws: Who is that?
Optpri: Exactly! No one knows her name.
Me: Yeah, but I bet if men killed for writing that book, it would get on the news.
Jaws: They could make it look like an accident!
Optpri: That could've been what happened to Octavia Butler. I doubt Scientologists liked her. She had these two rules about how the Human Race will be able to survive. Rule 1: we have to get space travel and Rule 2: no organized religion.
Me: No, no, no. Rule 1 about Octavia Butler: You do not talk about Octavia Butler. Rule 2 about Octavia Butler: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT OCTAVIA BUTLER!

...and that's the condensed version too, I left out the part where I sing the Stonemason song from the Simpsons and Jaws gets a tiny radio implanted in her ear so that she doesn't get brainwashed.

then I had another discussion re: this discussion:

Sui: I wonder how many other organizations follow the rules of fight club
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: Rule 1 about the Girlscouts: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE GIRLSCOUTS
Sui: Rule 3: two girls to a fight, one fight at a time
Phoemeister: Rule 4 about the AARP: if it's your first night as a retiree, you HAVE to fight
Phoemeister: Rule 5 about AA: No shirts or rings
Sui: I think AA would be more productive if you had to fight
Phoemeister: I just was imagining someone without a shirt at a podium going, "I'm steve, and I've been sober for 3 months now."
Sui: haha