So: I think the rewards program has brought out the worst in me. The worst jokes, I mean. I am seriously going to get in trouble soon.

Things I have said RE: the rewards program to actual customers:

"If you don't sign up, they will beat me." (multiple times)
"You bunch of communists! Why don't you want to save money?"
"Customers who don't sign up for the rewards program do not get bags."
"It makes colors brighter and smells smell better."

So far the only one that has worked is "it makes colors brighter and smells smell better."

Lastly, EVERY TIME anyone asks me what the rewards program is, I like to very cheesily say, "Well, I'm glad you asked!" and then go on to illuminate the details. Though that one probably will not get me into trouble.

Also, we have to ask people if they've found everything alright, and when they say yes I've gotten tired of saying "That's good" or whatever bland reply. So for a long time I've said, "It's another success story!" or "that means we're doing our job right!" or "What kind of store would we be if we didn't have (whatever the person's buying)?" or "Good, that means I won't have to fire anyone." Today I added, "I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise it means the terrorists have won." to my repetoire.