Passive-agressiveness, thy name is mother!

Seriously, I'm tired as hell. I've been working 7 hour shifts all week (7 in a row to be precise). Which, 7 isn't like, say, 12, but it does suck because you only get a half-break. After a 7 hour day with a half break, I am more tired than an 8 or 9 hour day with a regular break. A half break is a slap in the face! If they HAVE to schedule me for less hours (which also sucks, I hate that they're doing this, this is my primary income here!) I'd rather just get an extra day off or something, but nooooooooooo.

So when I get off work instead of going home and just passing out like I want to, I go to my sister's house because my family's having dinner together. And I play with the 'phew who doesn't understand what tired means, and have to eat a sub sandwich even though I've told them all a thousand times I hate subs.

Then I pack for my trip, which this is probably the last good opportunity for me to do so. It's depressing how much stuff I had to pack for purposes of colitis that I didn't have to the last time I took a trip. And of course: packing = tiring.

So right when I'm almost done with the packing my mom's all, "Yeah, by the way, you have to clean up all your crap here and here and here." Which.... I AM a pig. And I should've cleaned some of this stuff at one point. But still..... waiting until I'm crazy tired is crappy. And then when I'm almost done with THAT, telling me to clean something else up "if I have the time" is crappy too. So I didn't do it because I may have the time, but no way do I have the energy. Also, what I was supposed to clean up, I just did a shitty job and dumped it all in the middle of my room, which now looks doubly sty-like.

Sui: Thanks for the intinerary thing
Phoemeister: :D It's in my best interests to make sure you have it
Sui: haha yeah
Phoemeister: if I had to hitchike out to your place I'm sure the dude who picked me up would kill me and my parents would be all "I told you so" at my funeral FOR THE WRONG REASON
Sui: yeah I definitely want to get credit for killing you
Phoemeister: that's what I'm saying
Phoemeister: no I told you so's unless they're actually warranted


Phoemeister: is it hard to get your boarding pass?
Phoemeister: All it says is to print out your confirmation (which is what I forwarded to you, I think)
Sui: Just go to the front desk check-in thing, and flash them your ID
Phoemeister: okay
Phoemeister: I get nervous easily
Phoemeister: so I'm all, "what if it's too difficult and I pass out from all of the madness"
Sui: I don't think I've ever had to show it
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: k
Sui: It'll be okay!
Sui: just go up and say you want to pick up your boarding pass and they'll ask for your id and where you're going
Phoemeister: and I say, "To blow up the white house, as allah intended"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "they recruited me because they thought my paleness would fool you, but they weren't counting on my stupidity"
Sui: I had a dream I got on a bus with a turban on
Phoemeister: yeah?
Sui: That was about it
Sui: don't remember any explosions or anything
Phoemeister: ah. I had a dream two nights ago, and I can't remember the details, but I was in a movie with Jake Gylenhaal and Gwyneth Paltrow, and for some reason they both started making out in front of me and I was like, "guys, this is creepy."
Sui: haha
Sui: "And then I joined in"
Phoemeister: haha, no
Phoemeister: you wish
Phoemeister: wish, evne
Phoemeister: I myself wish I could type
Sui: haha
Sui: u r tip gud

Phoemeister: I brought my own butt wipes!
Phoemeister: err, am bringing
Sui: haha
Sui: is my TP not good enough for you?
Phoemeister: does it have vitamin E and soothing liquids on it?
Phoemeister: then NO.
Phoemeister: loser
Phoemeister: you gots to bring your A game to TP when you're taking on Phoe
Sui: haha
Sui: I just got served
Phoemeister: that's what I'm sayin'!
Phoemeister: shanked like a prison bitch
Sui: yeah, I am metaphorically bleeding to death while inmates watch and laugh

Optpri: So when are you going to leave for Vegas?
Me: Friday.
Optpri: So by 12:00 on Saturday, we'll know you've been deflowered?
Me: Yeah. And when Ryan refuses, I'll make sure to pick up some man-ho out there to take care of it, just for your piece of mind.
Optrpri: Don't do it for me, do it for yourself.
Me: Nope. I'm going scream, "AND THIS IS FOR OPTPRI!!!" right in the middle of.

Such is the love and well-wishing from my coworkers.

I'm getting very attached to the pig I taped to my nametag. Only the tape isn't working that well, I want to find a better way to do it. Kevin suggested that I try to replicate a Pink Floyd concert, where they have the giant pig floating over everyone, by creating some kind of wire contraption so that it hangs over my nametag, and now I really want to do it. BUT, I think if I did anything that elaborate and/or showy, Elaine or boss-boss would make me take it off, rendering all that work in vain.

I've also named it. Yesterday Optpri told me about some game that was kind of like yahtzee, only the dice were pigs. Then, today Death mentioned the same game, and told me that one of the combinations you could get was called "makin' bacon." So I named my pig Makin' Bacon. THEN, though, we were discussing how I am going to start calling her MJB (after this Michael Jackson button she wears on her nametag) and I was like, "Makin' Bacon could have those initials too if he marries someone with last name J!" (only just now I realized that's a tad jumbled). And so we decided I had to add something with a J on the end, so now he's Makin' Bacon Jerky. Also, both death and Makin' Bacon Jerky get to listen to the Mary J. Blige song, "MJB da MVP" whenever they want to.

In other news: I already miss Double Dizzle. And Mouse is going to leave (work, anyway, I think he's still in the area another week or so) while I'm in Vegas. Sadness.

So, I forgot to mention last night, the number 678767897th thing I've said about the rewards program to a customer that I shouldn't have.

Customer: So what will it give me?
Me: Super powers.
Customer: Sign me up!

Phoemeister: So your parents are worried too?
Sui: I dunno about worried, but they're definitely paranoid about meeting random interweb people
Phoemeister: Aren't I like the 8th one by now?
Sui: Hmm yeah, if not more
Sui: I forget some of the insignificant ones
Phoemeister: you are lucky you are not dead in a ditch
Phoemeister: or so my parents would say
Sui: It's not so much luck as, putting the other people dead in a ditch first before they could put me there
Phoemeister: ........
Sui: :-D
Phoemeister: OOPS, ALL THE PLANES IN ILLINOIS BROKE JUST NOW, I GUESS I CAN'T COME.
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: oh well
Sui: I am joking!
Phoemeister: so am I
Phoemeister: all the planes in illinois did not really just break
Sui: I think I saw that on cnn.com
Phoemeister: ALL A HOAX PERPETRATED BY THE VATICAN
Phoemeister: THE PLANES WERE FINE ALL ALONG
Sui: haha
Sui: that freakin' pope did it again!
Phoemeister: what the flip was the pope doing at the sand dunes?

coworker: *makes some weird noise*
me: you're weird!
coworker: you're weird.
me: ...I have to admit you have a point. Because I'm taping a plastic pig onto my nametag as we speak.

I found the pig, by the way, on our "quirky" table, where we keep the humor books. That definately qualifies as quirky. I'm thinking it comes from one of these catapult gun toy things we have that have random things, including pigs, as ammo.

In other news, I wore my Big Dog Star Wars tee shirt, and got as much fall out on it as the terriers. But I had a customer compliment me. I am finding "crappy tee shirts cause I don't want to do laundry" strangely polarizing. Who knows what crappy tee shirt tomorrow will bring!

I also find it kind of funny that Optpri was wearing the most horrific shirt ever (seriously, I was with her when she bought it and her objective when she went in there was to find the ugliest shirt ever) and no one (but me) made fun of it at all, whereas the poor not-trendy-anymore Big Dog shirt was heaped with endless scorn.

Do you know what I do when my parents are out?

I turn up the Billy Joel as loud as it will go and rock out.


I'm tempted to continue the party by bringing it to work for after close and making my coworkers hate me. We'll see.

Wow. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar. Because for about a week, until yesterday, I was in a wretched mood. But yesterday and today: I was very happy.

By all rights I should have been at least a little irritated, seeing as how I dropped way too much money on a crappy wal-mart swimsuit today, and about as much on a crappy wal-mart swimsuit cover-up thing, which is the barest scrap of fabric I'm hoping (no doubt in vain) will conceal the hideous mess of cellulite and stretchmarks that are my upper thighs. I also spent some cash on airsickness medication, and wanted to buy some headphones, which I couldn't find what I wanted. When I sleep in places that are not my bed, I like to put on my headphones, but what I have now aren't flat enough to be comfortable to sleep in. But I couldn't really find any very flat ones at Wal-mart or best buy today.

Also people have been giving me crap about the shirt I'm wearing all day, though it was more funny than anything. It's this shirt that says "terriers" and has a cartoon depiction of each breed of terrier on it. I got it in Jr. High, when my tastes in apparel ran to "big" and "cute animals." It's not as bad as a lot of them, though, most of the worst I've thrown away already. Anyhow, since I'm working from now until my vacation, I don't really have time to do laundry so I'm just wearing my crappiest clothes until then so I can take my normal wear along with me. So...... get ready for a barrage of stupid tee shirts with animals or Star Wars characters on them in the next few days. And if the khakis I'm wearing begin to smell..... it's because I've been wearing the same pair over and over.

I also had nothing to do at registers, but I entertained myself by fishing out all the pens that had been stuck in cracks. I came up with 15! Plus several paperclips and some woman's Kohl's credit card that expired two years ago. It was awesome to see the look on Lister's face when he realized how inanely proud I was of it.

Awesomely, for some reason Kevin, the new supervisor, and I had all three seen X3 last night and ended up discussing it and the X men in general for like 20 minutes. I love how nerdy it was, and Kevin still regularly cracks me up, for instance acting out the scene after the credits for the new sup and I, since neither of us had stayed (though I knew OF it, thanks to Jersey Ryan and I having a discussion about it last night).

Me: (to Kevin) You can remember Moira MacTaggart's name, but not Charles Xavier? What's wrong with you!?

New Sup: And he's grinning when he dies, I wondered what that's about.
Me: "if you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than you can imagine!"
Kevin: They'll make a whole new trilogy out of that!

HTS and I talked some. I still think he is kind of a jerk (since we found out we went to the same high school 90% of our conversations involve him making fun of/complaining about people we knew in high school), but alright to talk to. One awesome thing: we seem to share a similar taste in music. Also, he is twisted (but he has no idea what league I am in):

Me: *discussing how the book "Pat the Bunny" freaks me out and makes me think of child molesters ever since Carmax told me that it freaks her out and makes her think of child molesters*
HTS: Yeah, I was going to say something completely awful like, "Those kids deserve it, dressing in those provocative outfits!" but I didn't want to freak you out.
Me: Oh, I don't think you can. I'm constantly talking about completely horrible things.
HTS: ....have you ever talked about belly flop abortions?
Me: No.... but have you ever had two conversations with two different people where the topic of Satan's penis independantly comes up?
HTS: No.... have you ever talked about inverted penises?
Me: No.... wait, maybe. Does talk about sex change operations count?

Seriously, I think I have worse conversations than anyone, and more frequently. And most of my child molestation conversations I have with a guy while he is actually at an elementary school. And I mean..... the hamburger helper children as a condom + his mom's corpse conversation. Also had while he was at school (I think I was listening to Christian rock, too) .....and I'm visiting this guy in less than a week. So.... um... pray I don't die :P

Today was both bad and good.

Bad: I left my wallet at home, so I was worried I might've lost it, and couldn't afford lunch. BUT, Sista pitched in $2.82, so I was able to eat. Well... I had a bagel back there anyway. But thanks to Sista I could get cream cheese for it.... and a cookie! She also bought me dinner when we went out to Wendy's after work, so I owe her. Thanks, friend!

I had to ring up our two most notoriously annoying customers right in a row today. One of them rarely comes into the store, he's just this old confused guy who always wants us to look up obscure old motown CD's on the computer and then try to order them for him. He can't enunciate and gets mad at us when we ask what he is saying, he gets mad if we have to put him on hold, he gets mad if we can't find the CD, he makes us list out every track on the record (I do tire of saying titles like, "Do me, baby!" over the phone to him), he will call us up to cancel an order, and then call us up and be angry that we canceled it, or he will not cancel an order and get mad that we didn't cancel it. He rarely ends up coming into the store, sometimes he sends a friend or just doesn't buy the stuff he ordered. So this was a rare honor.

It was actually kind of fun, though. Sista was up there too, and I could tell she thought it was hilarious, and she was also amazed to finally see him in person after all this time.

Right after that was this dude who I hate. Most of my coworkers dislike him, but I hate him. He's all drugged up and weird, and always orders these polish death metal bands. I died inside a little the first time I realized he had my name memorized. I especially hate him ever since I was in a bar he also happened to be in, and he decided to come up, grab my ponytail, and start talking about porno to me. I HATE when strangers touch me. HATE, HATE, HATE. And I hate his weird creepy smalltalk.

But again, Sista being around made it funny. When I reached for his rewards card, and instead of letting go he pretended to stretch over the counter, and then made some reference to Mr. Fantastic, I glanced over at her and we were both hard pressed not to just bust out laughing.

She's not been on the book side much lately, more on the cafe side, but today they had her doing some stuff over there. It was nice to have her around, which is probably what the "good" part of the day mostly consists of. It made me in a better mood, getting to talk to her a little in between things. Even TII was kind of fun to talk to today, we weirdly ended up discussing the Bloodhound Gang, which is not a band I would've guessed he'd like. I also joked with him about him being an alcoholic. (I apparently tell EVERYONE they're an alcoholic now).

I also had this really angry customer who wanted to buy books on silk screening. I am pretty sure he is the same guy that very angrily wanted to buy books on silk screening about a month ago, only he was Mouse's customer then. Anyway, he HATES Barnes & Noble, or so he told me, so I guess we have the pleasure of his strangely angry customership permanently.

Which brings me to somthing else: I really wish customers would let me finish explaining something before interupting. Angry guy especially.

I also met someone who is from my neighborhood, it'll be the second time since I started at the store. I also met someone who has the same ISP as me for the first time, and we both agreed at how much it sucks. For some reason both incidents made me strangely happy.

Anyway, because I'm taking Friday and Saturday off for Vegas, I get to work 7 days in a row. I have to hope the good mood holds.

Last couple days: not too exciting. I still wanted to post in case y'all were worried about the lack of inane blog posts constantly spewing from my brain to this url.

Phoemeister: hahah, crap
Phoemeister: I accidently really pissed off LSEG
Sui: how so?
Phoemeister: well we were talking and he made another one of his creepy/transparent/unwanted come ons
Phoemeister: and I was like, "stop it"
Phoemeister: and he was like, "you're cold"
Phoemeister: and I was like, "first off, tina told me that if I let you say horn dog things to me it gives you ideas and secondly maybe I'm normal and you're creepy, becase you bring up sex all the time"
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: and then it didnt' blink, and I forgot I was talking to him
Phoemeister: and he started saying angry things and thought I was intentionally not talking to him
Phoemeister: and signed off
Sui: suck : Sui: oh well
Sui: maybe he'll finally off himself
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: hahah
Phoemeister: we're horrible
Sui: haha yeah
Phoemeister: seriously though. I do know people who bring up sex as often, but none who do it as much after I've repeatedly told them not to.
Sui: Yeah, well bringing up sex jokingly is one thing.. but he brings it up "jokingly" and in a creepy come-on way
Phoemeister: yes! That's what I'm saying!
Phoemeister: I guess it's cold not to want some skeevy suicidal pothead constantly hitting on you
Sui: haha yeah
Sui: you're such a bitch!
Phoemeister: well I am, but for other reasons (such as making fun of a skeevy suicidal pothead offing himself)
Sui: haha
Sui: screw that
Sui: You're allowed to
Sui: he sucks
Phoemeister: yay!
Phoemeister: I love getting permision to act like a jerk
Sui: You have a License to Ill

So I wanted to punch a customer in the face today. I throw around the phrase "I want to punch ____ in the face" quite a bit, but I really mean it this time. Basically, she couldn't really understand what I was saying. Which.... doesn't really make me mad. We get enough foriegners/mentally disabled/people who should get a hearing aid, that repeating myself has pretty much become par for the course.

But basically at the end she was like, "You're voice is weird!"

and I say "I'm sorry," because I really don't know what else to say.

and then she's like, "Your voice is very nasal!"

and I said I was sorry again, when what I really wanted to do is reach over the counter and garrote her with some piano wire.

When I mentioned this to Mouse he said I should've acted all exaggeratedly surprised, like I hadn't known it was nasal and she did me a huge favor. Seriously, though, lady: I didn't need that help. The kids at my grade school (not to mention Jr. High and High School) made it abundantly clear that I have an annoying voice. You still need a fucking hearing aid, whether or not I'm the most nasal damn person on the planet.

Mouse's second suggestion was that I just should've screamed "You're a CUNT! Understand THAT!?!?" at her.

Oh well. The customer behind her was extra nice to me. AND understood me even though he was a foriegner!

In other news: Double Dizzle's last day was yesterday and I didn't even know! It makes me sad, I didn't get to say goodbye. I thought I'd get at least one last zoo off.

I'm curious about seeing if I could get his job (and make the move to IPT that I ended up not doing last time), or if they're going to look for another part-timer. Or if they'll even hire anyone to replace him at all because of the hours-reduction crusade they've been on since the new cafe opened.

Otherwise my day was pretty much as usual. I got to hang out with my 'phew for awhile, which was pretty cool. He is still the cutest.

Phoemeister: I found out why my mom didn't want me to take the phone
Sui: Oh?
Phoemeister: yeah. She thinks I'm a moron who will lose it. So what she did was buy me some cheap-ass pay as you go phone today to take with me.

So on one hand I'm mad she doesn't think I can handle not losing something for a week, but on the other hand eeeeee! My own phone!
Sui: haha nice
Sui: You are a big girl now!
Phoemeister: yeah. I was going to call you up on it and fake a smoker's cough and be all, "WHY DO YOU PUT IDEAS IN MY DAUGHTERS HEAD" but I didn't think I could do it without giggling
Sui: haha
Sui: You are way too dorky to pull off the angry smoker's cough mother voice
Sui: I'd be like "Mrs. Phoe, your daughter promised I could put it in her butt if she came to visit.. it was all her idea not mine"


Kin: I don't hate you too much more than usual.
Phoemeister: okay
Phoemeister: as long as we're at a manageable level of hate
Phoemeister: Hulk smash hate is okay
Phoemeister: carve you up into little pieces with an axe hate is bad
Kin: Well, you've know about my axe-murdering tendencies for years now, Phoe. Come on. I would think you would've just learned not to piss me off by now.
Phoemeister: you would've thought that, but actually I provoke axe murderers every day. I find it a much more easy way to live on the edge than to pay people to jump out of plains
Kin: That's pretty hardcore though. I can't even imagine how one jumps out of a plain. =P
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: well first off you wait until the rain in spain is done, because you don't want that shit going down while you're trying to do that
Phoemeister: and then you get rid of all the fruit, if it's a fruited plain
Phoemeister: and then you just pray to god it all turns out alright


Kin: Sorry, I was on the phone.
Phoemeister: that's okay
Phoemeister: I was jumping out of plains
Kin: Was it everything you dreamed it'd be?
Phoemeister: and more!
Phoemeister: how was the phone?
Kin: It was great. So many little buttons...
Phoemeister: did they beep when you pushed them?
Kin: No, because I turned the sound off. But the phone lights up when I press a button.
Phoemeister: that's still pretty cool
Phoemeister: plants survive on light
Phoemeister: so just think: your phone makes food for plants
Phoemeister: plants make food for humans
Phoemeister: it's the circle of life
Kin: Phones...Plants.
Kin: It's just like the Lion King.
Phoemeister: I think I'm going to burst into song

Wow. I got a lot done today. I think it's the first time in a long time I've gotten up at 9 when I didn't have work.

I signed my lease, read an entire Christopher Moore novel (Blood Sucking Fiends, very good), read a magazine, spent several hours dicking around on the internet and saw Match Point with Mulva.

Speaking of which, different vantage points make things hilarious. Mulva hated all the women in the film, whereas I hated the men, especially the main guy. Eventually we just decided they were all bastards. It was a decent movie, but we ended up talking through the latter half of it, which made me miss some stuff.

So.... avoiding the house + the internet connection being crappy right now = less posts. You people are probably glad, though. I've been having wicked crazy verbal diahrea lately. ....and not-verbal diahrea. DAMN YOU, COLITIS!

--P 2 tha E's husband says we should've called our Superpoos "Pooper Heroes." I can't believe we didn't think of that.

--Mom HAS been needling me about the trip, but it's not been as bad as it could be. My favorite bit I have to share with you, however, is when she told me that no matter what I say she knows we're going to have sex, and that "we don't want no babies and we don't want no diseases." And despite saying it in a hillbilly way for some entirely bizarre, unexplained reason, she was dead serious. I told her that first off, we are not having sex, and secondly that I think I could figure out a goddamned condom if we were. I also have to wonder what's up with the "we"? I suppose if I had a baby she would feel somewhat responsible for helping me out with it, but I have a feeling that if I got chlaymidia, I'd be on my own on that one.

--I signed my lease today! You are no longer reading the whiney blog of someone who lives with her parents, you're now reading the whiney blog of someone who is about to live in a studio appartement (in July)!

--HTS and I actually went to high school together! Also, even if he is kind of dickish, I think we are friends now because we bonded quite a bit over the high school thing. I have to say, even though I despise running into aquaintances from high school, it is bizarrely awesome to meet someone who went with you but you didn't know back then (this will be the second time this happened to me, Jaws would be the first). I can see why I didn't know either of them, though. They were both freshmen when I was a senior. I feel so old.

Also weirdly: he was in Scholastic Bowl, but he didn't join until he was a sophmore, we would've totally met if he'd joined a year earlier. And I might've technically met him one time when I visited my scholastic bowl coach after I graduated, because I remember sticking my head in and seeing a whole bunch of new people and being like, "wow, a whole bunch of new people." Also, he used to work at the Jewel-Osco my mom and I went to all the time, and we would've met if I hadn't started avoiding it because of the creepy guy there that stalked my best friend (who shops where I work now, bleh). He knows the guy I stabbed with a pen in Jr. High, he knows the chick who beat me up in grade school, obviously he knows a lot of the Scholastic Bowl crew, and we had a lot of the same teachers. Eerie discussion, but fun.

Jersey: you two are assholes!
Me & HTS: why?
Jersey: it sounds like you're making fun of a retarded kid!
Me: No, no, no. You aren't listening right. We're making fun of two retarded kids.

--I touched something damp when I was straightening the sex book section the other day. I am still traumatized.

Phoemeister: and she brought up this thing they've been having on TV where reporters hook up with guys on the internet by posing as 14 year old girls and then confront the creepy old guys that show up to meet them
Sui: Well last I checked you're not a 14 year old girl
Sui: I think that's a little different
Phoemeister: you're disapointed you perv
Sui: haha
Sui: cut about 10 years off your age and we could have a PARTY
Sui: It's so easy to impress the 14 year old too
Sui: like.. "hey I can drive!"
Sui: and "hey, I have some money!"
Sui: and "I can eat ice cream whenever I want!"
Sui: or.. "I had candy for breakfast, it was awesome!"
Sui: Only, they don't realize that having candy for breakfast really does suck
Sui: and sometimes you really wish you had real food
Suibrom: and that's why you're luring 14 year old girls to your house so you can either eat them, or hold them for ransom to get real food
Phoemeister: "will kidnap for food"
Sui: "I promise I won't rape your daughter.. just give me some money for food please"


Mulva: one of my good friends i'm going to be with in japan i met online
Mulva: she's awesome, but my parents are so afraid of her
Phoemeister: At least you are a guy and they don't have the "he'll rape you!" arguement like they do with me
Mulva: oh gawd
Mulva: in vegas? come on, anyone could rape you in vegas, why worry about the person you've actually spoken with
Phoemeister: I KNOW! I want to be like, "Yeah, if you're that worried about it I'll make sure to bang a guy at a bar or something while I'm at it"
Mulva: the thought of you pickin up guys in bars = priceless
Mulva: "Want to go out with me? Itd be AWESOME."
Phoemeister: "We could totally DO IT" *exaggerated pelvic thrust motions*
Mulva: "Dont' tell my mom."
Phoemeister: "don't tell her that you're a fifty year old serial killer"
Mulva: "Ok now let's get to the sideways mambo!"
Mulva: phoe oh phoe, poor misguided serial killer loving phoe
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: Actually, I think I'm the serial killer
Mulva: yeah why doesn't your mom ever worry about ryan
Mulva: BIAS
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: you should start a Save the Ryan Foundation

So.... Phoe from Elsewhere put up the rest of that poo conver here, if anyone's interested. It involves us starting a gang of superheros called the Super Poos, and making it into a religon as well.

In other news: finally told the parents about Vegas. It went a lot better than I thought, they were pretty much like, "Yeah, you're 24 we can't stop you, but just remember that he is probably 50 years old and a serial killer."

It made me sad because I want the guy who murders me and sells my body parts on ebay to be young.

I am afraid, however, that my mom will pick away at it like she has been the appartement situation.

Speaking of which: I'M SIGNING MY LEASE ON MONDAY. AWESOME.

The downswing of the telling of the truth: I'm wondering if they have the url to my blog, because my mom kind of mentioned that she knew what I had done in england (i.e. added a day or two to the trip so I could see my friend Wanda, an internet friend who also turned out not to be a 50 year old stalker, thank you very much).

This is probably the only major lie I have ever told, and I had actually thought I did a pretty good job at it. Also, I thought if they knew, they would've confronted me about it before then. My mom, especially, I would think something like that would gnaw away at her so bad she'd have exploded by now.

Anyway, I'm thinking of moving the blog. It's not like I have a ton of secrets, but privacy IS nice, and I don't exactly love the thought of them reading all my discussions on raping crack whores.

I really am starting to worry that I talk about rape (and crack whores and babies) too much! Also, I never in my life thought I would come up with the phrase "but what if you had a hairy rapist?"

(err.... and I'm sorry if this is confusing, but it's in Gmail chat, Phoe from Elsewhere is Phoe and I am me).

Phoe: ah but it's the sugar that jacks me up. caffeine just turns me into a shaking, migrainey mess
this is never making it to your blog, it's not even about babies or crack whores or ANYTHING.
me: ROFLMAO
maybe now it will
"you know that crack whore I raped the other day?"
"the one with the asian pimp for her baby daddy?"
Phoe: lol. for a can of coke? or a cookie.
me: what is for a can of coke or a cookie?
Phoe: the crack whore raping.
me: haha
Phoe: unless it was for crack and then i think you've got your chain backwards. rape the PIMP for the crack. he's got the goods.
me: if it's rape I don't think the whore gets anything but a slap on the face!
Oh..... you're like, "I'll rape you if you don't give me crack?"
I've never heard of using rape as a bargaining tactic before
I think they should start using that in the UN
Phoe: yeah but you say crack and i see butt crack and that's just offputting this early
me: ahaha
I love how all the raping and crack whores don't phase you
but you're like, "eww, buttcrack!"
Phoe: they're usually hairy. ick.
me: yeah, but what if you had a hairy rapist?

I don't feel at all guilty, however, about how much I talk about poo:

me: Have you ever seen Unbreakable?
Phoe: nope
me: well it kind of starts out with these facts about people with comic books, how much the average fan spends on them, how much of their life they spend reading them and it's insanely large
and ever since I saw that movie I've been obsessively thinking and estimating how much time I will have spent on the toilet by the end of my life
it's going to be like 8 years or something
Phoe: you can always take books in and when you die, you can say "poo taught me chinese!" or whatever.
me: ROFLMAO
man, I would do that just for the excuse to tell someone that poo taught me chinese
Phoe: well you're in college for half that. chinese could be managed and it would all be thanks to poo.
me: haha, "it's all thanks to poo!" makes me think of how people talk about Jesus like he's their buddy they hang out with? "Jesus is my wingman!"
"poo is my wingman!"
Phoe: ah, but now we need a acronym to illustrate that
wwpd?
frop?
me: LOL
what's frop?
Phoe: fully relying on poo
me: LOL
I want a band named Fully Relying on Poo
Phoe: because frog = fully relying on god
me: hunh, I'd never heard that one

We finally did the flowers today!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tomorrow is truth-telling time!

Also: I really like the photo I have up there of Ryan, but it's been up there a couple months, anyone else willing to make an ass out of themselves, photograph it, and give it to me for use on my blog? Some iconic film moments I suggest as ideas for people:

--Amelie, holding up that spoon and looking into the camera with an insane glint in her eye

--Donnie Darko, holding an axe over his shoulder and looking into the camera with an insane glint in his eye

--Norman Bates, dressed up as his mom, holding up a knife with an insane glint in his eye. Or else watching a fly crawl across his hand with an insane glint in his eye.

--Neo from the Matrix saying "whoa" about something.

--Holding out a bar of soap with Fight Club crudely scratched into it

--Killing someone with a trident, a la Brick in Anchorman.

--Terminator II coming back together after being frozen by that liquid nitrogen.

.....or not.

To work through my day backwards:

I left my headlights on all day at work so my battery was dead. El Camino had to help me jump my car. It scared me a little, this was the first jumping experience I had where the other person did not know what they were doing. And I easily believe that something's going to blow up and kill us so I stand back and make the other person do the work.

Speaking of El Camino, he told me about a hilarious book we have in the children's section called "My Daddy's Roommate." I highly suggest you check it out too if you are in the mood for hilarity. Yes, we have a couple of pretty funny/weird gay books in the kid's section (Such as "And Tango Makes Three," which is about two gay penguins that adopt a penguin baby), and yes the section "My Daddy's Roommate" is in is unmitigatedly disturbing (the "family issues" section has books like, "why does daddy drink?" "why does mama yell all the time?" and "why isn't grandma here anymore?" are a few actual titles) but this takes it to a whole new level.

First off, the illustrations are hilarious. The family's at the beach and they have this sleazy picture of the men rubbing suntan lotion on each other! Even the non sleazy pictures are pretty funny, though. I also find it kind of amusing that the "roommate" the dad leaves the mom for has a receding hairline. I wonder if the artist threw it in to be more real or what.

Secondly, with my dirty mind, the words are easily twisted too. "My daddy's roommate and I do a lot of things together too!" is just creepy. And there IS a line that is like, "They even sleep together!" and you're like..... okay, dude who wrote this, you do know even kids know that "sleeping together" is a euphemism for having sex? Do you really want to open that can of worms? Or do you want to make a sequel to this called, "My Daddy's Roommate Part II: How to Get Around the Fact That Neither of You Has a Vagina."

Far and away the best part, though, is the part of the book where the mom tells the kid the dad and the roommate are gay. Basically like, the kid doesn't know what gay is and the mom explains it and is like, "they are two men who love each other and love is always right!" or somesuch. Man, that woman must be taking a thousand valium. I think any woman who has a husband that leaves her to go and be gay would be a lot more bitter about this whole situation, but apparently not.

Other than that work was fairly uneventful.

Before that I went to lunch with Optpri at some place called the Rock where they sell gyros but of course I wanted no part of that and got a ginormous hot dog, which was pretty good. Optpri, of course, made the obvious penis joke, and hilarity ensued. We made it part of our BJ's for Taco's equation. I also helped her do some clothes shopping, which was quite novel for me, since she sincerely wanted the ugliest possible shirt in the place. She was quite happy when she finally arrived at one that made me tell her, "If I saw you on the street wearing that I would punch you in the face." The TJ Maxx sales associate laughed at that statement, and I was glad she was not horrified that I managed to work in violence and a put down of the merchandise at her store all in one sentence. The other nice thing about shopping with Optpri is that it is fast. I like that in a friend, seeing as how the last big, friendship-ending arguement I had with someone was basically because she dragged me around to 8 stores and had to try on 80 things in each.

I woke up.

Today I am cranky, cranky, cranky.

1) Sexy* thinks I'm a bitch, I think. Because I started my day, as I mentioned, rather crankily. And we do "reccomends" in the morning, where basically they ask us what we would reccomend to a customer and we mention something we've been enjoying lately. This is not that helpful, I can't remember a single instance I've used one of them, because usually what I like is not applicable to some middle aged lady I'm trying to find a book on Jesus for. Anyway, today mine was Stadium Arcadium, and it's only the second time I have used it so far. But anyway Sexy was all kidding me and going, "Hey, that's selling really well people already know about it use some imagination for cripes sake!" And I was like, "Bite me!" Because it's something I genuinely like, I hadn't just glommed onto it because it was popular. Then he tries to smooth over my anger by saying, "at least you have good taste in books," and mentioning a Neil Gaiman book I have on the hold shelf right now. And it just irritated me more, like, I don't need to justify anything I like to this guy. So anyway I teased him some later about something or other and he's like, "Why do you have to be so mean and nasty?"

At least at the second instance Renegade was there and pretty much told him that's how it works at the store, that we're always constantly teasing each other. AND if you can't take it don't dish it out. He also said, "Phoe and I respect each other. I respect that she's an asshole, and she respects that I'm an asshole too." Anyway, until further notice, I put him on my "irritating" list.

2) I had lunch with Sista today, which was nice. I got as much garlic as humanly possible because I was really in a mood for it today. It is about 12 hours later and I am still burping garlic, and that's how I like it! I also enjoyed her company. We have not gotten to hang out as much lately.

3) I was at registers all day. It actually kind of didn't suck because it was moderately slow and they actually gave me stuff to do while I was back there for once.

4) When Optpri came into work today, the first thing she told me was that she hates my mom, which makes me feel better. I sometimes wonder if my dysfunctional relationship with my mom clouds my judgement and she is not actually as horrible as I think, so it's nice to get people outside the situation (though admittedly fed the story from my point of view) agreeing with me on things and confirming my opinion. I have to admit, because I was in a bad mood, I mocked her smoker's cough to no less than three other people today, and got at least one or two others to agree that my Mom is wrong.

5) My computer is broken. Broken broken broken! It won't even turn on. I should be more upset about this, but I'm not. I think that's because it has bounced back from situations like this before, and I'm hoping it will again. Also I'm less sad because I plan on getting a new one soon anyway (when I move.) The parents said they'd pay for it as a belated graduation gift, and I'm going to hold them to it no matter what the hell happens the next few weeks. So I will be sad to lose my files if the old computer is not recoverable, but at least I have a new computer to look forward to (and my parents computer to use, like now until then).

6) I had dinner with Sista & Mouse at Wendy's. I'm thinking I should start going there for all my burger needs now that I have a stalker at McDonald's. I had fun, though it was kind of quick.

7) I hung out with Mulva and his buddies for his birthday! I feel bad that I kept forgetting that it was his birthday and/or doing mean things to him. I have the attention span of a goldfish, honestly.

8) I got home to an e-mail from my sister that basically rips me a new one for not going to mother's day brunch with her and my parents. Which, my mom, queen of the overreactors wasn't mad about this, so why the hell is my sister? My mom told me, when I asked, that my sister and her husband had made some big stink about me not being there on the day of, and instead of defending me, Mom had just been like, "I didn't feel like arguing about it," so I look like a douchebag even though I had lunch with her at a different time AND am doing the bulk of the flower shopping with her. Which, I am hoping to do tomorrow, which would mean truth telling time is on Friday. I think my parents are beginning to wonder why I am being so antsy about getting the flower thing done and over with. I hope once I actually tell them they don't get mad at me for being antsy about it. But seriously, though, if you have a bomb to lay on someone, isn't waiting until AFTER a special occaision the kindest way, even if you have to keep the secret a couple more days?

I hate the world.

____
* no, I don't find him sexy, but the joke that Renegade does still makes me laugh.

FUCKING WEATHER! JUST GET BETTER ALREADY SO I CAN JUST FUCKING TELL MY PARENTS I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS.

And every day I wait the more I just want to tell my mom, and screw the flowers, and her enjoyment of Mother's Day because she's making me miserable already about something else.

One reason it sucks to live with my mother while carrying on an arguement with her is because she NEVER LETS IT END. She just pokes and pokes and pokes and pokes and worries at it like a terrier. Somehow, accidently letting it slip yesterday that there is no closet in the appartement I want has opened some sort of floodgate of rage that she heaps on me day and night. Well... floodgate of rage implies fights. No, no actual fights. Just guerilla sneak attacks, which brings me back to the fact that it sucks to live with her while she's mad at you because no matter what you are doing she'll just randomly come up to you, interupt what you are doing, and tell you some new horrible thing she's thought of.

So I'll be reading, and she comes up to me, "You know, I couldn't live without a closet. It's inhuman." And she says it in that half-joking way people say things that they REALLY mean but play off as a joke so that you don't kick their ass for saying something bastardy like that.

I'm in my room listening to music and she interupts me with, "It just breaks my heart that you're going to go and live in this place! It keeps me up at night! I'm so worried about you!"

This, she says so sincerely that I admit I giggled a little. Because she sounds like she's persuading me not to live in a crack house or Rwanda. This is a studio appartement in a good neighborhood! Not even that far from where I live now.

"You'll have to park on the street! And is this a first floor appartement or a second floor appartement?"

"Second..."

"See!?!? See!?!?"

"I don't mind walking up a couple of stairs."

"What about moving?"

"I guess I'll do it somehow."

"You won't even have enough room to have a couch and a bed!"

....and again, I cop to being a smartass, but I start giggling again and am like, "Hello! I told you I was getting a loft!"

Then today I'm watching TV and she interupts me to tell me that she doesn't think the couch I want to use (this old one we have collecting dust in the basement) would fit under a loft. Oh, and I think another time while I was reading she told me that if this whole thing is because of Mouse (which, by the way, she has this irritating tendency to blame actions I take that she doesn't like on other people "putting ideas in my head") that I don't owe him anything, I haven't known him that long, and screw him I'm never going to see him again anyway. I think that's a pretty shitty way to look at anything, by the way. "Oh, it's alright to screw people as long as you yourself will not have to deal with the negative fallout."

But it's not just because I gave him my word. It's also because you are easily demonstrating to me why I hate living with you, right this very moment.

If I don't fucking get this appartement I will want to die. So.... everyone focus all your positive energy on this, just in case it helps. I would do the same for you!

Also, if anyone wants hang out, let me know: I will do anything to get out of the house right now. Sure, she'll just save her slings and arrows for when I get back, but at least I will not constantly be looking over my shoulder the whole while for another stupid ambush.

Is there anything sadder than a grown woman attempting to learn to ride a bike (the bike I was using, by the way, was made for someone far taller than me) in front of many amused onlookers?

Actually: not that sad, because it cheered me up a lot, and I needed that. For all that I'm still not able to ride a bike.

I also think adults learning to ride bikes would be an awesome reality TV show. But now that I posted it on the interweb, someone from FOX is going to steal that idea and not pay me. Such is life.

Things annoying me today:

--the fact that the application for the appartement I wanted came back to me today because it was so heavy it required extra postage. Why can't this just go through quickly, like I wanted? I was having a fairly decent day until this happened, but it makes me mad.

--I accidently let slip that the appartement doesn't have a closet, and my mom claims, "that's inhuman!"

--lack of sleep. Seriously, people: if I start acting (more than usually) weird or crazy, let me know. I get cranky when I'm not getting enough sleep, but if it goes too far, I totally go INSANE*, and I need to know if I'm heading that way.

--the weather. I still can't break the news about the trip until I get the flower buying routine out of the way, which I still haven't thanks to the weather.

Something good about today:

--I bought a hand-made mug from Mouse today! I love it because it is handmade and unique and not any of that Bed, Bath, & Beyond crap. I love it because it will give me something to remember him by when he's gone. I love it because it is so pretty.

_____
* the last time I was majorly sleep deprived was after my gallbladder surgery. It culminated in me randomly screaming at my doctor, "I need to get out of here! I have to get out of here! You have to let me out of this place! I can't stay here, I just can't!" I'm sorry to say I probably wasn't all that nice to the nurses either. The last time before that was when I had the college roomate who kept me up all night every night and then made her alarm clock go off 80 times at 6 a.m. every day. That resulted in me calling up my parents every day and not just crying, sobbing over to the phone to them about minor things that normally wouldn't even faze me.

I HATE THE WORLD. Err, the weather, anyway.

Since I had to work today, my family had planned to do mother's day stuff tomorrow. "Mother's Day stuff," by the way, is going to a nursery and picking out plants. Years ago, my mom decided that instead of us getting her things, us all spending time picking out flowers together was the way to go (especially since when we were little, technically we would be buying her presents with hers and dad's money anyway). So anyway, if tomorrow's weather is as horrible as it's predicted to be, that pushes back Mother's Day celebration. Which, of course, pushes back any startling revelations I might want to unleash.

I guess one good thing about all the waiting is I'm so tired of it that I'm less scared of actually telling. I just want to get it out.

Otherwise today was pretty good. I complimented a woman on her Mother's Day corsage and some weird store groupie has transferred his affections from TII to Mulva.

So I started out my day with the first nightmare about the trip. The problem was, somehow I'd booked my return flight in March, which, obviously, would involve time travel to make. Understandbly: I was upset about this.

On top of that, for some reason, Mulva was driving me to the airport and he had the attention span of a lemur. He kept wanting to stop for stupid things like snacks and I'd get more and more infuriated and start yelling at him that we had to get to the airport, but at the end of my long tirade he'd be like, "Yeah, so I can't decide between ring-dings and ho-ho's" and I'd want to commit violence upon his person.

My day's been fairly decent otherwise, except for this lady who came to perform at the store. Just to let you know, we do let people play in our cafe, but I don't think there's any requirement on how good they have to be, because we have had some stinkers. But, this lady was the WORST. All my coworkers complained about her constantly, I had more than one customer complain about it... And on top of her being horrible, basically, she sang to recorded music..... so it was just weird, one person karaoke.

Jersey came over to me from the cafe, and said, "Why? Why would they do this to us? We're good people. I mean... we're good people, why would anyone do this to us? No one should have to hear this, and we're good people..."

Then HTS came over and said, "You know that scene from Animal House where Belushi walks down the stairs and breaks that hippie's guitar? I want to do that....."

"...to this woman's voicebox."

If he had carried out that plan, I probably would've actually hit that shit to reward him before he was sent to prison. As it was.... I had to listen to it for several more hours, no one went to prison, and all shit remained un-hit.

There was also a pretty bizarre teenage couple in. They were dressed like they had come from Prom, but what the hell were they doing at the store? Nickel overheard some of their conversation and said they were going to some other store after that, too. On the one hand, if it's actually their prom, they are losers. If they dressed up weird to go to the store and annoy Nickel and I: I applaud them, because it worked. It really did make me want to emulate them, though. I'm too old to fake going to the prom, but formalwear for no reason is still pretty weird. Maybe if I get my hands on a wedding dress? Either way I would probably need a guy friend to do it with me because it would be no fun and less believable alone, but I doubt I could persuade any guys I know to do this.

The best part was is the guy turned up one of the listening stations up really loud and started singing along to it (presumably singing to the girl?). It was shitty emo. Now coming from someone who likes shitty emo, you might find that hypocritical, but I will tell you this: 1) At least I have the grace to be ashamed of it. I admit it's shitty (most of it anyway), and would probably not go to a store and start singing it in public. At least not as earnestly as this kid. 2) I would definately not like a boyfriend to start singing shitty emo TO me. That is just sad.

He was still WAY better than the lady in the cafe though.

Oh, and I keep remembering more and more about my day: I saw the McDonald's Stalker again today. It was the first time since the conver we had awhile ago that I went there, and sure enough: he was there, trying to make awkward small talk with me while I was waiting for my burger. I still will probably keep going there anyway. If Mcdonald's grossly abusive practices did not keep me away from their cheap, incredibly fast food, there's no way McDonalds Stalker will.

I got to listen to Stadium Arcadium after close while I alphabetized things tonight. I realize now that this is the best way to break in new music because I can't skip back to the few songs I've already warmed up to. It's also easy enough to do that I can keep my mind free to listen to the songs, but enough to do that my mind doesn't completely wander (which it sadly does, I'll find out I missed whole songs when I'm listening to stuff lately because I could'nt make myself not slip into reverie. I'm wondering if my ADD is getting worse and I'll never be able to suitably enjoy music ever again). Damn, preliminarily: that is a great CD.

Also, I made Retard Books this comic a huge long time ago but never put it up, so read and enjoy. It's about an incident Sista actually had with a customer. The weird mouth on the one stick figure is an attempted likeness of the emulation of the weird face the customer made. Enjoy.

Why did I not know how much I love herbal tea!?!?

I've never been a huge fan of tea, but lately since it's free at work I've gotten into it. The loose leaf stuff we have gotten since the cafe switched over: A+.

Anyway, I finally realized what the deal is: I actually still don't like real tea. I started drinking herbal tea because I don't like caffiene and then I found out: it has no real tea in it! The premise behind herbal tea is: let's boil something and see if it tastes good! Whoever thought of that: a genius, though a little scary. Because if he took it very far (which if you're so desperate for a good drink you start randomly boiling things, I think you would feel a duty to see how far this line of thought takes you) that dude must've been boiling everything! Dirt tea! Dog tea! Baby tea!

Anyway, I like it. Plus: it is free at work. I do tend to burn myself though. I will never learn patience.

In other news, Shiv is starting to annoy me. He never says anything that isn't supposed to be funny (actually funny about 60% of the time). Stop trying so hard, dude.

In other other news, I'm glad I didn't have to pay for the Over the Hedge soundtrack. For the sake of having a complete record of Ben's work I'm glad I have it, but I don't know if I like it that well (so far). First off: it seems very sad and angry for a soundtrack to a children's movie. I'm SERIOUS. All the songs are about suburban ennui and desperation. So depressing. I'm wondering if any of the actual lyrics are used in the movie.

Secondly: new version of Rockin' the Suburbs: LAME. You know when Bill Shatner's the best part of something that it is not that great.

Phoemeister: man, I hate tlking to LSEG
Phoemeister: he sid "guess what" to me and I wanted to be like, "You failed at suicide yet again? Well you know, if at first you dont' suceed...."
Sui: haha
Sui: Nice
Sui: YOu should have totally said that
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: instead I went with "what?"
Phoemeister: and now i'm hearing how he passed out in a Hastings.

Sui: Love is fleeting, hate burns eternal, as they say
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: hate springs eternal
Sui: springs, burns, whatever
Sui: Burning seems to fit it better
Phoemeister: hha
Phoemeister: mybe I'll sve that saying for poo
Phoemeister: but that burns too
Sui: haha

Hate the world, revenge soon, take out everyone!

Oh, by the way, my A key is being erratic, so if I miss some A's, it is computer error, not human error!

Anyway, bck to the hate:

Today my prents offered to buy condo (which I went and opened my stupid mouth a few months go nd sid that it would be nice to have condo insted of n pprtement so I wouldn't have to throw my money away) nd then let me py them rent at the price of what the appartement would cost.

Oky, I realize that is middle clss white girl complaint and that I should not be that sad that my parents are willing to help me out.

What does suck is this:

I saw it coming from a mile away. My mom keeps being all, "why do you want to live in a crappy little appartement with no bedroom" and I keep saying, "because I can afford it!"

And I think it's kind of a way to keep me on her leash. Because she is offering so last minute (last night I told her I applied to the landlord), after all attempts to keep me here have failed. And on top of any selfish reasons I have to not take her up on the offer I have the fact that this would pretty much leave Mouse twisting in the wind to find someone else to take his place (he wants to leave before his lease is up) this late.

Anyway, if possible, I want my name on the lease to this place before I tell my parents about the trip. I want to know that I am getting out soon to back me up on anything I say. I don't want to go around looking at condos, especially ones I won't be able to afford if, when the shit hits the fn, the offer is retracted.

Oh yeah, and I'm coming off another sleepless night. And though some of it is the trip, I also find myself thinking about the appartement too. Some of it is worries, but some of it is, "I wonder if I could find a cheap secondhand coffee table somewhere."

Sui: let me find this file
Sui: So I started playing this song
Sui: I was going to record myself playing the sax with it
Sui: and the clock started chiming exactly in time with it
Sui: it was totally an accident.. I started recording.. hit play on the song.. and then the clock started chiming
Phoemeister: what is this song?
Sui: It's the theme song for this evil villain guy in a game called Chrono Trigger
Sui: makes it even more fitting : P
Phoemeister: god, you're such a nerd
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: why would you think Hitler would want to help you with a song from a video game?
Sui: because it's totally an evil villain theme song
Sui: I've got a few others of me playing
Phoemeister: anything that isn't from a video game?
Sui: hmm
Sui: actually no haha
Sui: It's all from different games
Phoemeister: YOU ARE SUCH A DORK
Phoemeister: I AM ASHAMED TO KNOW YOU
Sui: lies
Sui: you appreciate my dorkiness
Sui: and love it
Phoemeister: I don't know
Phoemeister: I liked you when you were kind of dorky
Phoemeister: but the fct that you play video gme songs on the sx... very sad
Sui: You knew I had an appreciate for game music
Sui: you knew I played the sax
Sui: you should have put two and two together
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: now I know, but it is too late
Phoemeister: I'm already carrying your baby
Sui: haha
Sui: I knew I shouldn't have mailed you that sperm
Phoemeister: I knew I shouldn't have dropped it on my vagina
Sui: haha
Sui: "dropped"
Sui: like.. "oops"
Phoemeister: "d'oh. Oh well, I guess I'm having a baby now."
Sui: haha
Sui: "Another one for the meat packing plant"
Phoemeister: You're having baby!
Sui: hahah
Sui: delicious!

Happy surprise brought to me by none other than Sista:

Sista: i found the soundtrack with ben folds the hedge one or whatever in the promos and put it in your mailbox
Phoemeister: YES
Phoemeister: YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND
Phoemeister: I did not want to pay for that
Phoemeister: thanks so much!
Phoemeister: that will be the first decent thing ever I will have gleaned from promos


Knowlege brought to me by none other than Optpri:

The blowjob to taco exchange rate is 1:3.

Also: fairy hoors are on the prowl.

Lastly: malingering is a great word.

Today had the potential to really suck. Reason 1: I did not get very much sleep last night. Which, by the way, if I am cranky lately or seem cranky in the immediate future, please cut me a little slack as I have not slept well since APRIL. This morning I was especially tired, though, because last night I stayed up listening to music in hopes of sleeping better. It didn't work, as none of the music made me sleepy and I kept thinking of one more thing I wanted to listen to. So, Jupiter (disc 1) of the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album (Stadium Arcadium) made me want to listen to Wolf Parade made me want to listen to Aqualung made me want to listen to an old Saves the Day (Stay What You Are). I can't really explain the logic there, or why faster stuff like Saves the Day usually DOES help me sleep.

Reason 2: I was at registers all day.

But actually, I am in an awesome mood!

Reason 1: Red Hot Chili Peppers! I don't know yet if Stadium Arcadium is as awesome as I hope. The weird thing about me is I never know what I like right away. I can make educated guesses... but in the end, I sometimes fail. And the irony is if I like something right away, I only like it a short while, whereas sometimes if I don't like something right away, if I do end up liking it later, I love it forever. But, I do really like 3 songs right now and think I will like most of the mellow, non-funkish (I am the anti-funk) songs, which are about half of it. 28 tracks are a lot to digest, though, so no final verdict. Listening to it does forcibly make me happy in the previously stated manner of Wolf Parade though.

Reason 2: I got my application for the appartement today! I have it all filled out! The wheels are turning! I'm on the way to freedom!

Reason 3: the 'phew: cutest child in the universe. Obviously I'm biased, but still... that little kid is crazy. My dad was hitting this wiffle ball off a tee for him, and the 'phew and I "raced" to get the ball. I'd let him win, and he'd be running back to the tee with the ball, but I'd pretend I was still trying to get it, and he'd laugh and say, "mine!" One time I won, and said "mine," and it was not so funny to him. HILARIOUS TO ME THOUGH. I gave it back to be a good sport, though.

Later the ice cream man came around, and the 'phew actually rocked out* to the music it played the whole time it was approaching. And the 'phew likes it when we dance too, so the ice cream man had to pull up to a bunch of idiots doing toddler-like dancing to the song of his truck. Which, by the way, he seemed kind of surly and un-ice cream man like to me. Not that I've ever met an ice cream man before, but he did not seem that gleeful. Not that I blame him. I would go insane if I had to listen to the ice cream man music that long. It kind of freaked me out as it was.

Anyway, I can tell I genuinely love the 'phew because I let him put his oreo-y (my sister got an oreo ice cream sandwich, and the 'phew got to share with all of us) saliva all over my orange push-up. Multiple times. I think he actually liked mine the best because it is a lick, not bite, desert, and he was hurting his teeth on the others. I think it helped make up for stealing his ball.

Other incidental things that made me laugh:

I think Renegade is either finally warming up to me or completely hates me. Sad that I can't tell the difference. Anyway, I've started harrasssing him at work, and he acts like I'm insane. A conversation we had:

Me: So how do you like the new inventory guy?
Him: What? Why do you care? Do you looooove him?
Me: No. I've had one conversation with him. I was just curious.
Him: I'm going to tell him!
Me: Okay. Err... what is his name again?
Him: It's ___. But you can call him sexy ____.
Me: Okay. And when he asks why I'll tell him it's your idea, and that you find him very sexy.

Then later, Renegade and El Camino were talking about this Victoria Secret bag some customer had left behind that they'd brought a return in with.

Me: Um.. why are you guy's so excited about a Victoria's Secret bag? I mean, it's just a bag.
Renegade: It had underwear in it! It could've had a bra!
Me: I bet you would like to see that bra on sexy ____.

When I said that I was laughing so hard I could barely get it out, and Renegade acted like I was insane.

Also, my brother in law. He can be annoying sometimes (does not know when to let up when teasing someone) but he totally cracked me up with this comment today:

Me: It makes me feel British (on why I like to pronounce the word "schedule" shed-ju-al."
Him: Do you know what makes me feel British?
Me: What?
Him: Being white.

____
* By the way I think, and everyone I've mentioned this to agrees with me, that once the 'phew is out of the stage of liking "The Wheels on the Bus" type music, I should get control of what he listens to. Yes, I listen to Fall Out Boy. BUT, my sister and her husband listen to Gwen Stefani. That's just the tip of the iceberg! AND I would not play Fall Out Boy to someone with an impressionable young mind. Save my nephew from pop radio and vote yes on giving me his musical upbringing!

I WIN!

Things I won at today:

1) Getting the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album, Stadium Arcadium.

2) Completing Phase 1 of The Plan: (getting time off work for my vacation, confirming that the landlord is okay with me moving in the place I want. Hoping to sign the lease before I go on my trip)

3) Completing Phase 2 of The Plan: booking airline tickets.

Phase 3: telling the parents, we all know, will be difficult. One hiccup I remembered is Mother's Day is coming up. If I tell the parents now, and my mom gets upset, I pretty much just screwed Mother's Day for her. However, if I wait till after Mother's Day, that is more waiting for me (honestly, I'm at the point where I want to just get it off my chest and stop worrying already), and might tip them off that I've been keeping it secret for awhile.

I still think I will go the latter route, because screwing Mother's Day is a pretty crappy thing to do, even if technically it would be my mom's fault that she overreacts and crys for a week, thus not being able to enjoy her own Mother's Day.

It's okay. I have Stadium Arcadium to sustain me until I can let the truth set me free.

Phoemeister: I never go to Hardee's
Sui: Have you ever eaten there?
Phoemeister: like a million years ago before they made all those changes. I dunno, their ads do not inspire me to go there.
Phoemeister: when I go to a fast food joint, my main attraction is not "OH MY GOD THE BIGGEST FUCKING BURGER YOU HAVE SEEN IN YOUR LIFE"
Sui: haha
Sui: well they do have normal sized burgers too
Sui: their 6 dollar burgers are good in that they use 100% angus beef for them
Sui: I tried the double-6-dollar burger one
Sui: once
Sui: and almost exploded in a shower of meat
Sui: that's like.. a whole pound of meat on one burger
Sui: it wouldn't have been as bad
Phoemeister: that is too much
Sui: but
Sui: brooke got it for me on the day we were moving : P
Phoemeister: haha
Sui: so like.. taking lunch break from moving.. and I cram a pound of meat in my stomach
Sui: and have to move some more
Phoemeister: that is awesome
Phoemeister: how did you not die?
Sui: I can only assume it's because I'm already dead inside
Phoemeister: best
Phoemeister: reason
Phoemeister: ever

Phoemeister: so under interests on my myspace page
Phoemeister: I put poo
Mulva: but are you really interested in it?
Phoemeister: no. I am totally a poo poser
Mulva: after someone has to poo it, do you study it?
Mulva: oh wow, fraud!
Phoemeister: no. I was just frontin'
Phoemeister: you called me out on it!
Mulva: POO FRAUD ASTONISHES NATION
Mulva: PHOE REALLY NOT THAT INTO POO
Phoemeister: haha "a tearful Phoe confesses "I just pretend to for the glamour.""
Mulva: OPRAH CHEWS HER OUT ON LIVE TV
Mulva: I always wonder what Oprah really looks like. you know how magazine covers LIE
Mulva: like YOU
Phoemeister: I say we sneak into oprah's house
Phoemeister: and take pictures
Mulva: "Oprah actually proven to be sludge monster, explaining her indignity at Phoe's disinterest in poo."
Mulva: wow, this is the story of the millenium
Phoemeister: it is
Phoemeister: we could become the deep throat of Oprah exposing
Mulva: Woodward? more like Wood-TARD
Mulva: aw snap!!!!!!!!
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: you just called yourself a tard
Phoemeister: not that I'm arguing
Mulva: that was more of an impression of you making fun of him
Phoemeister: oh
Phoemeister: I don't know if I like you taking my bits and using them for yourself. You should have to pay royalties or something.
Mulva: so you confessed you are not that enthralled with poo
Mulva: Now i will make a confession
Mulva: I'm Boss-boss's baby daddy.
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: the best part is
Phoemeister: you didn't even work there when she first got pregnant
Phoemeister: so you like, knocked her up
Phoemeister: and then she got you a job
Mulva: LOL
Phoemeister: and no one will ever know
Mulva: well she wanted me to be able to pay for it
Mulva: seriously, ever need a job, what the career resources people don't tell you is to knock up the hiring manager a few months before the interview.
Phoemeister: You should make a whole book like that
Phoemeister: on tips on getting a job
Mulva: hahaha
Phoemeister: and then we could sell it in the careers section
Phoemeister: it would be my reccomend every day
Mulva: Mine's still gonna be Nanny 9-1-1

So, I've talked to Optpri, and she's come up with a stunningly brilliant yet simple plan of action RE: dealing with my parents:

At this age, especially since I'm moving out soon anyway, they do not have the right to tell me I can't do anything unless I give them that right. So basically, I go into this thing saying, "Oh, by the way, I'm going to take a trip." Instead of "Can I go on a trip?" or "I might be going on a trip." Of course, given the nosiness of my parents, (my mom even quizzed me on why I was on the phone with someone this late at night (10:30 p.m.), and who that someone was after I got off the phone with Optpri) I will have to tell them exactly what I'm doing, because they won't take something vague like, "to go and see a friend" for an answer.

I will try and be nice about it, but in the end, it's basically going to all hang on whether or not I chicken out, which hopefully I won't.

Anyway, I'm waiting until I have all my ducks in a row on this before telling them. I want to actually get the time off (I've already put in a request) and then get the plane tickets so that if all else fails I will have non-refundable plane tickets to stiffen my resolve. On top of that, I would also like to talk to my future landlord. I can take a month or two of horriffic guilt mom, but if the appartement should fall through for some reason, I do not want to have to endure even more horrific guilt mom. Mouse says he's working on it, though, and I will harass him more about it if he doesn't get it done soon. So... um... if you happen to meet my parents somewhere, breathe a word about this to them and you are wearing your guts for garters.

Lastly, if I were a religous person, I would have to thank Jesus for two things: 1) talking to Optpri. I just... it sucked not being able to talk to someone who knows my parents about this. And it still sucks, but discussing it with someone who has had dealings with parents similar to mine has done a lot to build my confidence. 2) Wolf Parade. I'm not even kidding, they make me so freakin' happy. When I have things like this going on, especially with the move on top of it, which I'm also having anxiety over, I tend to worry, mull over, run through scenarios, poke and prod at every angle of the thing. I have had a ton of trouble sleeping. But then I start listening to Wolf Parade and I'm like, "Oh, screw tomorrow. At least I am enjoying an AWESOME cd RIGHT NOW." And it physically makes me smile.

Oh what the hell, I'll hedge my bets: Thank you Jesus.

So I decided to tell the truth. I have a pitch I'm going to write down for my dad and then discuss it with him, and hopefully get him to agree and then use him to help me work on mom. And if they don't.... I'll have to grow a set of balls and go anyway, I guess. Which I really don't relish the thought of, but I hate lying.

Anyway, here's the pitch I plan to give, anyone have any input?:

I know this is a weird way to put this, but I find it easier to commit my thoughts to paper than to try to go through this verbally. Unfortunately, I tend to forget my reasons for things and get emotional. So I thought I would give this note to you, and then have you ask me any questions you have, and be able to discuss this with my main points here on paper to look at:

In June, I would like to take a vacation to stay with a friend. The catch: my friend is Ryan, who I met on the internet about five years ago. I know you and mom are skeptical of friends I've met on the internet, but to reiterate: I have known him five years, and we talk nearly every day. I know him better than most of the friends I have in real life.

I realize that even apart from the fact we met on the internet, there is the fact that he is a strange guy you've never met, and it's a little weird for me to be like, "oh yeah, I'm going to stay with him for a week." However, he is willing to talk to you and mom on the phone if you want, or give you any other assurances you might need. I am also not ashamed to have you talk to someone who I have spent such
a large amount of time speaking to over the last five years, or to let you know that I am going to visit him. I wanted to be up front about this, in the hopes that you would respect that and not try to stop me, as I am a grown woman and will probably go anyway.


I was trying to think of a way to be like, "yeah, and we also aren't going get it on" but it didn't seem to fit in very well at any point. I'm also trying to think of a way to make "oh, I'll go anyway" seem less confrontational.


Phoemeister: crap, this thing I'm typing out is not going like I planned. I had originally this impassioned speech about living my life in my head, but then I was like, "just stick with the facts" but now it just sounds kind of whiny. Like, "geez, I'm twenty fooooooooour. I want to go to vegaaaaas"
Sui: haha
Sui: That about sums it up though
Phoemeister: yeah :/
Sui: just make it sound less whiney

Today was awesome. Just one of those days where everything seems to go well. First off, two of the n00bs were there, thus relieving some of the pressure to constantly be on registers. I did spend some time at the registers, but Shiv did most of the interacting with customers while I was there to make sure there was someone answer questions.

Speaking of Shiv, he totally used "pwned" in a real sentence today. I really think he's going to give Mulva & Lister a run for their nerdiness. TII, of course, is still unquestionably the king of nerds at our store. He also kind of reminds me of Kin, who stopped talking to me much since he got a life. Reasons: nerdiness and tubaness. Thank goodness Shiv is not freakishly tall on top of it, or I would have to suspect things. I am also hazing him fairly well, as I managed to insult him fairly well with such jibes as, "Yeah, it's hard to run away when you have a tuba strapped to your back. Especially since you run like a girl."

I managed to climb the tall-ass ladders three different times today, which is quite unusual. Not that I am physically unable to, just that there's not much call for it. Anyway, I don't know if it's altitude, but I had a lot of fun up there. Death and I started giggling over a song I made about how I have to bow my legs to walk up the steps. Then Nickel & I had crazy fun times over this journal that had fish on it. We were calling it the "crazy fish" journal, and that somehow evolved into a song about crazy fish to the tune of the Spiderman theme song. "Crazy fish! Crazy fish! What's the dish on crazy fish? In the air, in the sea, crazy fish for you and me! Crazy fins, crazy wings, will Phoe fall off, as she sings? LOOK OUT! It's CRAZY FISH!" We also revived the "Getz" joke of awhile ago. She's actually grown on me quite a lot since she first started, I think we are buddies.

I also got to harass Optpri about her upcoming birthday. I REALLY swear I had singing in me today, because I started singing birthday wishes to her to the tune of Grease'd Lightining! from Grease. Though that actually started earlier where I sung it for no reason to a customer. Anyway, Optpri managed to revive the buttock jiggling joke, which made me warm and fuzzy inside, because I missed that. I am so lucky to have friends who remember the stupid jokes I love and then forget to revive them for me.

Sista also awesomely pointed out to me the conflict of me wearing my Mulletproof tee shirt (which I was today) in the store while we actually had mulleted patrons. I myself wonder if they even know they have a mullet. Because seriously, who goes to the person who cuts their hair and is like, "yeah, I'd like a mullet. Business in front, party in back, my friend. If possible: do it with a flowbee." But who knows.

Lastly, Mouse finally burnt the Wolf Parade for me and I listened to it on the way home, and it made me feel (whether or not this is rational) that everything is is going to be alright, at least regarding my upcoming trip, which is what I was thinking about on the drive home.

There is more and more to love about the upcoming months!

Which is good, because frankly I had begun to dread them. So far, things making me feel icky are: right now, having to teach things to the new supervisor that has the job I wanted in the first place, doing more and more registers, having less and less early shifts, and a boatload of my friends moving.

BUT: good things: in July, I get to move out! I am going to get a loft and a new computer and live within walking/carpooling distance of Optpri! And in June, I am visiting Ryan in fabulous Las Vegas! It will be my first time seeing someone I talk to for like four hours every day for years now! I am so excited! And he's going to visit me in August!

Bad: I'm not sure how I'm going to either break this (that I am going somewhere to meet a friend I met on the frightening interweb, and he's a BOY, too!) to my parents or successfully lie about it so that I don't have to.

Lies I have thought of: telling them I'm going with a friend. I am thinking my high school friend would be most ideal for this, as my parents never see her around and/or don't really know whether she would have vacation time to do this or not. Something that would make her less ideal: I don't think I could get her to lie for me, so I'd have to not tell her I was using her in my lie, thus making things awkward if my parents get in a situation where they could bring it up with her.

Other friends: bad idea. Carmax has a husband, so it'd probably be weird to them if she went on a vacation with me. Also, she just started her job and probably would not have vacation yet. And my parents KNOW this, because they are nosy. All other friends work at the store, which my parents occaisionally shop at and would, with my luck, no doubt see the friend I was supposedly with at the store while they were supposedly gone on vacation with me.

Telling the truth..... frightening.

Sui: now if you can just convince your parents ; P
Phoemeister: yeah, well I'm going to have to make upsomething
Sui: haha "I disappeared in vegas for a week.. it was.. ALIENS"
Phoemeister: even if they find out when I get back, it's like, well, they can't do anything to stop it. And I'll be movingout in less than a month after that anyway
Phoemeister: "they MADE meblow all my money on the crapstable
Sui: it's true
Sui: what do you think you'll tell them?
Phoemeister: that I'm going with a friend
Sui: They'll see through that lie right away
Suibrom: "You have no friends!"
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: I do too!
Phoemeister: Plus, tthat would make Las Vegas as a destination more believable, because they know I'd never go to vegas on my own steam. I am not a gambler or partier
Sui: This is true
Sui: Have you thought about telling the truth?
Phoemeister: Do you think I should?
Sui: And I don't know, I was just curious if you'd thought about telling them
Phoemeister: I don't know. If I explained to them I have known you for years now, and we talk every day, I could see a slight possiblity they'd go for it. But thething is, if they didn't go for it, there'd be no way to take it back. Also, even if you weren't fromthe internet, I think my parents would have a hard time with me staying a week at a guy's house
Sui: Hm that's probably true
Sui: but really, what can they do?
Sui: You have friends that could drive you to the airport
Sui: and they can't really threaten to kick you out
Phoemeister: My mom can make every second until I move out miserable
Phoemeister: I would like to tell the truth, though
Phoemeister: Man, I wish I knew someone who knows my parents I could talk to this about. But my sister is such a snitch. If I did end up going the lying route, talking to her would be screwing myself.
Sui: hm yeah that would suck
Suibrom: there's no way you could trust your sister?
Phoemeister: I dunno. Maybe I could. But I'd feel kind of crappy putting her in a position likek that
Phoemeister: where she knew I was lying to my parents and had to keep that info from them

So.... if you have any ideas on how I could make a good lie or suitably spin the truth/feel out my parents, let me know. I need to know!

I'm feeling very lonely and sorry for myself today. Against all reason, I think why I've probably stuck with living with the 'rents so long (even when I lived in the dorms I came home every weekend) is because when I have a day off work, I can (and often do) easily end up not speaking to another soul all day.

No, this does not mean I am having second thoughts about moving. I mean, last night I couldn't get to sleep because I was really excited about this idea I had to put a loft in, of all the dorky reasons to have insomnia.

I don't even know what the point of this was, really. I just felt like exploding into a puddle of angst, and couldn't, so a mopey post on blogger seemed like the next best thing.

Phoemeister: so you know those tee shirts/bumper stickers that make people's jobs sound dirty, like, "dentists do it with a smile" or "gymnasts do it with their feet in the air"?
Sui: haha yeah
Phoemeister: I'd like to come up with a line of those for medieval jobs no longer in existence
Phoemeister: like "hangmen do it with a noose" or "hatters do it while slowly going insane from mercury poisoning."
Sui: like.. Executioners do it in masks?
Phoemeister: yes!
Phoemeister: yours is better than mine
Phoemeister: knights do it on horseback
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: yeoman do it in the woods
Sui: I always like the one used for most fantasy games.. "Rogues do it from behind"
Phoemeister: haha!
Phoemeister: crap
Phoemeister: there's no point if those stupid D & D players already thought of this
Sui: haha yeah
Phoemeister: they were my main demographic
Sui: You're months behind
Phoemeister: who else knows what a yeoman is?
Sui: Probably no one :P
Phoemeister: exactly

So I decided to not only wear makeup, but be as girly as possible (for me, which basically entails putting my hear up in a clip, and wearing a skirt as well as the makeup). I got the assorted comments of astonishment and/or praise. My two favorite were Optpri and Mouse (though Mouse's was good mainly for the delivery, which of course I cannot replicate for you).

Mouse: Are you wearing makeup? Fancy.

Optpri grinned at me like a madwoman until I finally took the bait and said, "What?" irritably, whereupon she said, "I'm a pretty lady! A pretty, pretty lady!" I think the glee was more from getting a chance to say that than the makeup, but either way good times were had by all. I also thought it was hilarious that she said the exact thing I said on my last blog post RE: the makeup without having read said post.

In other news: I hate people who are like, "But it's 13.99 at Best Buy!" Well why the hell didn't you buy it there then? Also, you could easily go back there and get it. It is really close. I also hate the guy who took it upon himself to yack my ear off about Lionel Richie and, of all things, Snow, that white rapper from pre-vanilla ice times that apparently "learned reggae in prison because he is canadian" according to that guy.

Something I don't hate: the new guy we had in today. During training, he managed to bring up shivs! I'm not even kidding! Elaine was telling him about how to ring up something being mailed, and told him about picking what kind of address it was, and one of the options is correctional facility. Then she said what type of things we can and can't send to a prison (which, by the way, overhearing other people being trained only hammers home to me how horrible the lady who trained me was, because I'll overhear things I still didn't know). Apparently we can't sell hardback books, or non-book items. And he was like, "alright, so we can't send them anything that can be made into a shiv. Yeah, that's right, I've seen an episode of jail break!" Which reminds me: in all future blog anecdotes RE: this guy, I think I will call him "shiv," as we have like 8 other new people starting right now anyway, and the term "new guy" will be meaningless.

But back to things I do hate: they're getting really intense about the Rewards program. If we don't make above a certain percentage of transactions in sign ups, apparently we will get repremanded, and then after enough repremands, fired. This freaks me out, because I do badly even when I try. And to be honest, lately I have not had a ton of incentive, seeing as how I've been passed over for promotion three times. But I DO try, because I actually do believe in the rewards program. But there are a lto of people who don't want to be "sold" anything, and there are a lot of idiotic people who lose their card, never register it fully, and then are like, "whatever, I don't want to sign up again" so then I'm stuck with a transaction that doesn't count! BUT, Mouse said the firing/repremands thing actually wasn't going to happen, it was just something corporate said but we probably weren't going to do. It pisses me off, though, because people have been fired for very stupid things at the store in the past, so... why not this? Anyway, it makes me upset, even though everyone says I'm worrying too much.

I'm a pretty lady! A pretty, pretty lady!

Errr.... I bought some makeup. On my mom's dime!

The thing is, my mom knows if left to my own devices I would never buy any hair products, makup, or clothes. So she will sometimes pony up some dough in hopes that I might someday turn out girly after all.

I went to a Mary Kay party at one of my ex-coworker's houses, and before I went, she told me I could buy some stuff with her money. I called her up from the party to get a price limit, because they made some of the package deals sound kind of appealing, but they were crazy expensive. She did reluctantly agree to quite a high bankroll, but I decided not to push my luck, so I got less than that.

I am thinking of wearing it (and some of the makeup I happen to already have, THANK YOU VERY MUCH) to work, as people act as if I am clinically incapable of acting girly (mass surprise when I wear a skirt/when it's even leaked to the public that I'm going to a Mary Kay thing at all), I'm afraid of how annoyed I'd get to a reaction to makeup. The last time I really thought of wearing makeup, to be honest, was for that movie I was in, considering no one wants to be immortalized on video without a little help thanks to lighting and makeup. However, I had to come straight from work the day I did it. Plus, it was crazy hot and I would've looked like I was melting.

In other news, my beloved Ben Folds is gaugeing me again! I can't decide whether or not it's worth to buy the soundtrack for the stupid movie Over the Hedge because he has four tracks on it, several completely new, one of a new version of Rockin' the Suburbs featuring Bill Shatner. Especially since his last album: not that great. Yeah, I said it! "NOT THAT GREAT." "Bastard, You to Thank, and Landed are kind of okay" is the best praise I can give to that album! Not that great of praise!


Phoemeister: I totally got a guy with boobs mad at me today
Sui: haha
Sui: a guy with boobs?
Phoemeister: all I could think of the whole time was Meat Loaf's character in fight club
Sui: haha
Sui: Nice
Suib: Did you call them "bitchtits" ?
Sui: Because that would probably be what made him mad
Sui: or comment on his book choice of "Living with bitchtits" ?
Phoemeister: no, he got mad over something totally stupid and unrelated to his boobs
Phoemeister: I rung him up for a gift card, but I accidently knocked it behind the registers without noticing it (which I could see him getting mad about, but he didn't seem to be). Then he apparently called us up, and one of my managers found it. He came into claim it, and since I didn't know any of this other stuff happened, I had to page a manager. So the manager calls back and I'm like, "Yeah, this guy is up at registers and he says I rang him up for a giftcard but didn't give it to him and that he called you guys up and you found it?"
Phoemeister: and he got all pissed off that I called him "this guy," because it sounded like I was trying to discredit his story

but I was like, "Hey, since they found the card and have it waiting for you, they obviously believe you, why would I try to discredit you?"
Phoemeister: but he was still pissed
Phoemeister: I wanted to be like, "Hey, I could've called you "this guy with boobs"
Phoemeister: ALSO, it is crazy, because I am EXTRA polite when I hate people
Phoemeister: so if I had hated boob guy to begin with I would've said, "a gentleman wishes to inquire about a situation involving..."
Phoemeister: instead of, "this guy wants to get his card back"

Today when I woke up I started daydreaming about all the stuff I'm going to buy for my appartement in July. This includes but is not limited to: a nice computer (I don't need top of the line or anything, but I'd like something that won't break in a year, and that I could conceivably be using a long time from now, when we all live under the sea and speak squid), a nice stereo (ditto), bed, desk, endtable(s), dresser or wardrobe (I don't think the place has a closet), small kitchen appliances, etc. etc.

I've never been a big spender, but I enjoy thinking about it. In games like the Sims or Might & Magic, buying stuff with the fake money has always been my favorite part of the game. But in reality, I'll probably just see what fits after I get a bed and move in parent/sister hand-me-down tables and chairs. But until then I can imagine pulling out all the stops.

I actually do have a certain amount of money that I built up over the last year, but I kind of want to have enough after this buying spree to 1) Take a vacation. I get two weeks this year, and I kind of want to visit one or more of my friends in far-flung areas. I most want to visit Ryan, seeing as how we talk every day, but I also want to visit Tina because I have known her since high school, and with her living situation right now, I can tell she'd really like a visitor. On top of that, someday I'd like to take a ridiculously expensive vacation to Europe or Asia or something, but not have to stay at a hostel the whole time. There is no way I would actually enjoy it if I got no sleep and did not have access to a toilet whenever I needed to, so I might as well spring the money for a fleabag motel at the very least. 2) Have some savings, as I don't know how easily I will be able to save up money once I'm on my own.

In other news, I hung out with my one friend from high school (I really need to come up with a nickname for her on here or just suck it up and use her real name, because that's getting to be too much typing) yesterday. I feel kind of bad that we have absolutely nothing to talk about anymore. We can't talk about our jobs because she hates hers and it gets boring for her to listen about mine, we can't talk about movies, music, TV, or books because we don't like the same things, movies we actually go see together, which is usually what we do, are so horrible and/or bland that there's no point even in talking about them (we saw Failure to Launch last night, ewww). What we had in common was going to the same school & having the same friends, which we don't anymore. But I don't want to give up the relationship because 1) I don't have that many friends, 2) I don't think she has that many other friends, and 3) she is actually a really awesome person, which is why I miss being the way I used to be with her so badly. We get occaisonal glimmers of our old banter back, but it's always just enough to leave me wanting more.