FACT: I have pretty much given up on pretending I'm not a perv.

Sui: Makes me wonder if you could just consciously do it
Sui: like.. tap into some crazy subconscious thing.. through meditation or something and make yourself have an orgasm
Phoemeister: lol.... I can see that you totally just want to spend the rest of your life learning how to do that now
Sui: Wouldn't you?!
Phoemeister: I dunno. How long would it take and how good would the mental masturbation be?
Sui: pretty damn good if you can just think "man I want to have an orgasm now" and then you do
Phoemeister: well what if you had to spend ten hours working up to one each time
Phoemeister: and then it only lasted like 5 seconds
Sui: hmm it would have ot be pretty good
Sui: unless it was to just like.. impress people
Sui: "want to see me jerk myself off with my mind?"
Sui: "no way you can do that"
Sui: "oh yeah? watch this!"
Phoemeister: you could probably fake it without them knowing
Sui: A guy couldn't though
Sui: I'd have to bet it' spretty hard to fake an ejaculation
Phoemeister: you could work up an elaborate system involving tubing
Sui: that's way too much work
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: anyway, people wouldn't be that impressed
Phoemeister: they'd either want you to teach them, which you couldn't
Phoemeister: or be like, "gross."
Sui: haha yeah
Sui: there's not much grey area there
Sui: either "wow that's amazing" or "ew what the hell you just came all over the place"
Phoemeister: maybe you could be like a magician
Phoemeister: everyone knows it's not real magic
Phoemeister: but they're still impressed
Phoemeister: "how did he do that?"
Suibrom: yeah.. imagine their surprise when I pull that out of my hat
Phoemeister: "it's my penis!"
Sui: tada!
Phoemeister: "what's shooting out of that man's rabbit, mommy?"
Suibrom: it would have to be like a ghallager show
Sui: where the first row has those big plastic sheets to cover themselves
Phoemeister: dude
Phoemeister: that would be way funnier than gallagher
Sui: especially if the show was called "Haha I just came on you"
Phoemeister: especially if the guests thought they were going to be seeing Oprah
Sui: it's the semen premier!
Phoemeister: that was a horrible pun :P
Sui: and you loved it
Phoemeister: ...I did
Phoemeister: oh, I totally mentioned gallagher to these teenage boys a couple weeks ago and none of them knew who he was
Sui: yeah he's pretty old school
Phoemeister: Like, the one kid was doing something stupid that made his friends laughed, and I told him he was the next gallagher (which my coworkers found funny because everyone knows gallagher sucks) and he did not get it.
Sui: gallagher is like carrot top with a big hammer
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: if possible he even sucked more than carrot top
Phoemeister: at least carrot top was trying to be funny
Sui: any amount of suckage worse than carrot top was redemed with destroying things with a big hammer
Phoemeister: I don't think anyone who smashes a watermelon is really going for "funny."
Sui: yeah it may not be funny
Sui: but it makes up for his lack of ability ot be funny with "wow he just smashed a freaking cow on a stool"
Phoemeister: did he ever do that to a cow?
Phoemeister: wouldn't peta be up his ass?
Sui: I don't think so
Sui: but that was the most outlandish thing i could think of that you could smash on a stage
Phoemeister: cows are pretty common
Phoemeister: what about a chinchilla?
Sui: any animal would have been pretty weird.. but once you start going down that slope.. you get too creative to be funny
Phoemeister: ah
Suibrom: like.. "OMG GALLAGHER SMASHED A DINOSAUR WHO WAS EATING A POPSICLE WHILE DRIVING A ROCKET SHIP"