MYTH: Phoemeisters can breathe in syrup.

So, one of the things I like best about having a blog is recording interesting conversations for posterity (or.. reading them again sometime after I've forgotten about them).

Anyway, what annoys me is that at work I have a ton of great convers but I always forget them by the time I get home. So today, I made a special effort to remember. They're still kind of badly paraphrased, and not near as good without being able to hear the delivery, but this is what I got. Anyway, from this sample, I think you can see why I love where I work, and the people I work with.

Double Dizzle: You have a secret thing for Yo Yo Ma. You're hot for him! Admit it!
Me: Yes. Yes I do. I like to take home all his CD's and make out with the picture of him on them. Don't tell anyone.
Double Dizzle: I won't. I don't judge. I do the same thing with medieval babes.
Me: How very Bill & Ted of you.

Then, later, it was explained to me that he was referring to a band called Medieval Baebs. He got very outraged, saying, "It's not like I secretly love 15th century women and felt the need to confess it to you right then."

Then I was talking to No Pulp* about the whole situation:

Me: So I bet Bill & Ted would've liked the band Medieval Baebs.
No Pulp: Uh, no. They're like, classical.
Me: Hey! There's room for all! Medieval Baebs could've coexisted peacefully with Wyld Stallions.
No Pulp: You seriously remember the name of the band from Bill & Ted off the top of your head?
Me: It's burned into my brain.

Also, over lunch, No Pulp and I discussed bathroom breaks.

Me: Yeah, I hate how you have to let like, 8 people know before you can use the bathroom. I've just started coming up with new and interesting ways to say it, like that I have to use the little booksellers room.
No Pulp: I'm going to start playing it nice and cool. "Hey, I've got to take a GIANT CRAP." (that one I laughed so hard lemonade went up my nose, though a lot of it was in his delivery)

Also during lunch:

No Pulp: What are you eating?
Me: noodles
No Pulp: is there anything on them?
Me: butter and something called "nature's seasonings"
Double Dizzle: "nature's seasonings"? What is that, dirt?
Me: no.
No Pulp: What is it, then?
Me: Well it's made by the same people who make salt, and--
Double Dizzle: It's "made" like salt? It really IS dirt, isn't it?
Me: I meant processed by, not made
Double Dizzle: Phoemeister eats dirt!

At one point during the day, I got to give my best comeback ever, though actually I had not been insulted to begin with. Preemptive comebacks rock.

Mouse: this costs only a dollar!
Me: your mom only costs a dollar!

One featuring Sista:

Sista: so.... "the purpose driven church" isn't that bad. I actually kind of liked it. It would be a good book if the church didn't suck and stuff.
Me: Yeah, you should make that your staff pick and write "this would be a pretty good book if the church didn't suck and stuff." under it.
Sista: I think I still have that book somewhere. Don't judge me for all the horrible books I have!
Me: I won't. I have lots of horrible promo books lying around my room. I STILL have "What a Sista Should Do."
Sista: Don't down that book! That book brought us together!

one featuring Mouse:

Mouse: don't you remember my Narnia pun?
Me: Uh, no... I don't think so.
Mouse: Really, because I totally busted it out at morning meeting and I think you were there.
Me: No, I really don't remember.
Mouse: Okay. Ask me if I'm going to see the Chronicles of Narnia.
Me: Are you going to see the Chronicles of Narnia?
Mouse: Narnia business!

One featuring Elaine RE: El Camino:

Me: *drops some stuff*
Elaine: Man, I'm going to start calling you El Camino.
Me: Why?
Elaine: El Camino is always dropping things.
Me: Really? I've never noticed him doing it.
Elaine: Well he does. And it's HILARIOUS.
Me: Wow, you're such a compassionate leader, Elaine.
Elaine: Nah, I'm more of a "point and laugh" kind of leader.

One on moral values and ethics:

Me: Man. I hate Anne Geddes. I mean, really hate her. If I saw her walking down the street, I'd punch her in the face that's how much I hate her.
No Pulp: Do you even know what she looks like?
Me: No. Maybe I'll just start punching random women on the street.
No Pulp: You know she drugs those children to sit still.
Sista: She's totally a child abuser. And now she's teamed up with Celine Dion! I can't tell which is worse.
Me: Anne Geddes annoys me more than Celine Dion.
Sista: No, I didn't mean I couldn't tell whether Anne Geddes was worse than Celine Dion, I meant I couldn't tell whether child abuse or Celine Dion is worse.
Me; Maybe Celine Dion IS a child abuser.
Sista: She has her own baby!
No Pulp: Maybe she did it so she could have her own child to abuse.
Me: Yeah, the commute on her way to baby abusing just got to be too much.

I can't remember the beginning of this conversation, but Mouse had said something to the effect that I was a ho, and then said:

Mouse: I could get fired for saying that.
Me: You could get fired for saying that.
Mouse: That's what I just said!
Me: Oh. I thought you said that I could be fired for that.
Mouse: for what?
Me: For whoring around.

Anyways, I am tired. I love the early shift but no matter how early I go to bed, I don't fall asleep till late, so I am getting tireder and tireder every day of this. Only one more to go, though.

____
* today at lunch we were also discussing orange juice, and he is firmly in the no pulp camp.