First, a huge rant I wrote while I was waiting for intro to mass com today.

Then, The Appointment

The Rant

I got so annoyed last night. I was listening to this song called, "The girl all the bad guys want," (yes, this is one of my many rants about why I hate men because i don't have one). The song is basically one of those, "I'm hopelessly in love with this one girl, but I'm not cool enough for her," songs. Some specific aspects about this girl seem to be that she likes guys who're into wreswtling and rap metal. The guy, at the end of the song, starts doign stuff like that to make her like him.

I hate the sentiment behind these songs. Why? Because for every fucking idiot drooling over the hot (and thus, "cool") girl, there is a nerdy girl not into wrestling and rap metal that would be perfect for him. But that girl isn't as hot as the "cool" girl, so the guy hypocritically ignores her and drools over a girl that he probably has nothing in common with, because she's hot.

Listen: I follow my own advice. I think nerdy guys are hot. I'm not even kidding. I had a crush on every guy in my scholastic bowl team in high school (including this freak that knew pi to a million digits, and when he was bored he'd start writing them out). I drool over the guys in my computer science classes. When it comes to celebrities, it's Tobey MacGuire all the way for me, even before Spiderman came out. Speaking of computer science--the male to female ratio in there is 10:1. I'm not particularly homely or overweight (no offense to those who are homely and overweight), I'm into Star Wars: the guys in my classes should be all over me like stink on a warthog. But they're curiously not.

So if any guys (or girls for that matter) are stuck in the thinking that that song represents, don't change yourself for a "cool girl," change what makes up a "cool girl" in your head. I'm not asking you to settle for some hideous dork person, I'm asking you to find someone with far more in common with you than some chick with big boobs. It's a cliche, but precisely because it's true: if you let it, the breain really is the sexiest organ.

I want a guy who doesn't love me in spite of my nerdiness, but because of it.

The Appointment

With much trepidation, I went for my appointment with the Arts Technology director. It sounded on the phone like I'm probably not Arts Technology material, but I had a small hope that I was nurturing, so I thought I might as well talk to the lady.

Oh, and side comment--I've decided I love the CVA. (Where her office was). It is so...."high school." It doesn't remind me of my high school, because my high school was so clean and neat and new, it was very un-high school like. It reminds me of most high schools, old and rundown with that kind of gross tan/yellowish flooring they always seem to have. For some reason, I find places like that comforting. Also, they had all this art up (it is the Center for Visual Arts) after all. And I think they had shop classes there, because I could hear machinery. You cannot even believe how much I enjoyed that place.

Anyway, I got there and explained my problem: I like art, but cannot produce it. However, I think it'd be cool to alter it with the help of my friend technology, thus producing all new, cool, art. As I talked to her, I realized I'm quite whiney. I'm always like, "Oh, I'm so artistic. I want to do something creative with my life. I want my life to mean something." and then I go home and zone out watching tv for hours on end until I'm in a vegetative state where I can do nothing else. I don't work on my writing, I don't work on my web design. I am skill less with music, but I don't know if it's because I've never had lessons or I just actually suck at it like I do regular art and acting. I talk a lot, but never do anything, (though the music might be because I don't have enough money to afford lessons on my own, and my parents won't pay for somethign that frivolous). Anyway, she broke it to me gently that half the classes in the arts technology prog require you to actually make art without technology, so it'd be a bad idea for me. And even if I did, it's a really selective major. And even if I made that, they aren't looking for new people until a semester from now, which screws me because I'm locked into something by then for the rest of my damn life. But she did give me hope that even if I can't get a job in mass com, that I can still major in it and have a job after college, that lots of people don't end up in what their major was. I verily hope this is true.

other side note--I love her. Half the reason I'm sad is that I don't get her for my advisor now, she rocks so much. Let's revew advisors I have had.
High School advisor: piece of crap, did not guide me at all
1st college advisor: Told me all sorts of crap, none of it true. Screwed me up pretty badly
Mass Com advisor: tells me nothing
Computer Science advisor: Tells me exactly what to do down to the last detail

Well, this lady is cool because she tells you all what is possible, and lets you decide. Also, she had star trek figurines and a knight rider lunchbox in her office. And her office is in the CVA so I'd get to go there every time I wanted to see her.