I know I'm a horrible person, but I've decided I blanketly hate a demographic group.

Middle-aged midwestern women

I was at a movie tonight, and for the 15 minutes beforehand I was subjected to the torture of overhearing their conversation.

1) Why the midwestern part matters: Even though I'm in Illinois, not Minnesota (no offence Minnesotans), these women were but one small step away from the mother from Bobby's World's whole "don'cha know"/"there then yet" thing. The most interesting person in the world would sound like a complete moron. "E equals M C squared, don'cha know." "To be or not to be, that is the question, don'cha know." Ahhhhaahahaharg. It makes my ears bleed.

2) I am a midwestern woman. Is there a magic age when I become like these people? Am I going to wake up and be like, "Herbert likes it when I make the pot roast, but I'm feeling in a meat loaf mood tonight." I like crafts now, but crafts are a middle aged midwestern woman's life. I'm not even kidding, they talked about it for fifteen minutes straight, except for the part about how children today are too disrespectful, and what they're going to serve at the next tupperware party. I will honestly kill myself. Or get someone right now to promise to do it if I turn out like that. Aahaarg. I wanted to jump up and scream, "Can you hear yourself? Were you ever my age? You married some guy and had his kids, and when they grew up you didn't have anything else to do anymore, so you try to fill the yawning void in your life by making doilies and embroidering pictures of cats onto things. You hurt my ears. And it's not just the midwestern accent, you make my ears bleed with your talk of cross stitch, and how horrible some three year old is for throwing a balled up paper towel at your head, and how much you like cooking hearty midwestern meals. You need to either have a mid-life crisis, or start reading Sartre. (I reccomend the latter) Pick one. Now."

3) they were so......cheerful

***Update: I'm so obsessed that I combed the web looking for a sound file of the mom on Bobby's World just so that I could show people who don't know what it sounds like, what it sounds like.

***Update: I combed again, and the second "yeah" on this soundfile is the accent I'm talking about, though its from the movie Fargo, which takes place in North Dakota. Thank you, Mikkie's Wav Pool (it was either this one, or a sad one where this woman is talking about this tornado that wrecked her town)