I'm tired of God, or fate, or whatever it is always jerking me around.

I was so, so happy living alone. For the first couple of weeks, I tried to be suspicious. I tried to be aware that any moment some brain whiz at ISU would discover my happiness and flush it down the toilet. But then I finally got the paperwork. I signed it, and promised to pay the extra money for the room. I was so happy.

Yesterday, as I posted, I celebrated by buying myself posters to decorate my whole room in the nerdly fashion to which I am accustomed.

Plus, I was bored yesterday, so I was actually looking through some of the old logs for this blog, and came across several rather mean-spirited rants about Sib from when I lived with her. I thought, "Geez, and she was my best roommate. I'm glad I get to live alone for the year. Having the hamster girl for a couple weeks really wasn't too bad in the long run if I get this out of it."

Then, as I'm sure you can tell, my happy little world was dashed. Apparently my life doesn't suck enough, the one good thing I've had going for me lately has to go away. More painful, it's not even just ripped away from me in a way that I can just be pissed at the system. I have to give it up for a friend.

Sib's roommate, or "The Asshole" as I will call her, left some sort of rag with red stuff on it on Sib's bed this weekend. Sib, thinking it was kool-aid or something, picked it up and put it on asshole's side. The red has gotten all over Sib's bedclothes and stained everything through, right down to the matress pad. Sib asks the asshole not to do it again, and the asshole just says, "Oh, (one of asshole's friends) did it." Sib's forced to sleep on the stain that night, as she doesn't have time to wash her bedclothes. When she does finally end up doing that, down in the laundry room, she sees asshole's friend, and asks asshole's friend to please not put anything on her side anymore. Asshole's friend is like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I just had a nosbleed."

Yes, asshole let Sib carry blood, and sleep in blood, without even telling her.

Sib freaked out. She logically knows that she probably doesn't have Aids or anything, but still worries. She asked the RA, who is totally on her side, and who postulates that asshole is trying to get a single by pissing off Sib. To fix this, Sib and RA are going to re-assign asshole to another unwitting person.

Sib could end up with a single.

However, Sib was so mad about the incident that while if it were me I'd try to ride out the last couple days with asshole thinking "singlesinglesinglesinglesingle," she has started doing as many mean things as possible to asshole that she can without herself getting in trouble.

Yesterday, asshole left a note to the RA saying, "I can't be responsible for what I do anymore." And left another note on their own message board to Sib saying, "Don't talk shit to me (laughable because they have not said a word to each other since this whole incident started) DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!!" the last part underlined several times.

Sib got this documented, and crashed with me last night (which I don't mind a single bit). However, now that there's harassment involved.....Sib does not want the single where she lives. Asshole has friends on that floor, so Sib would probably be forced to see her again, and Sib never wants to see asshole again. And of course, Sib doesn't want to try her luck at a random roommate, seeing how well that did her the last time.

She wants to live with me. (Which, I mind a lot).

1) She brought the harassment on herself by vigilante "punishment" of asshole
2) I damn well bet the harassment stops once they stop living together. She could have a single outright with no problems. She's uptight, anything consists of harassment with her, when the asshole neighbors we used to live next to gave us dirty looks in the bathroom she felt the exact same way about "never having to see them again, because they harassed us so much."
3) There are so many reasons I love living alone in general and hate living with her in particular. And I just keep remembering more and more. The napping. The not letting me play music. Not being able to open up the blog at any time, because I don't want her to discover it, because I have said some not-nice things about her. I used to resent her last year for every little thing she did, and up until yesterday, we had a GREAT relationship. She's my best friend in the world, but you know how sometimes you see someone too often and it's not as fun anymore? The fact that though she always tries not too, her classes are always hours earlier than mine and I end up waking up much sooner than I'd have to when I'm alone. The extra storage space I had. Sleeping whenever I want. Watching TV whenever I want. Doing anything, whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want. Being able to strip without having to make sure no one sees. Being able to watch Star Trek without being mocked. Never having to answer anyone elses phone calls. All little things (there's more I left out, I'm sure) but they build up to something huge. I want to keep my single so badly.

on the other hand

1) Asshole kind of deserved some punishment, ISU's not going to reprimand her in any way, other than foisting her off on another unsuspecting stranger
2) I hate needles. It's just as irrational as Sib's "harrassment" thing, but I'd be so pissed if my best friend was like, "Well, it's irrational that you hate it. Get it done anyway, and I'm not going to come and hold your hand, either."
3) When I lived with my first roommate, I was dying inside. I wanted to kill myself every day. Sib had just gotten a single. She gave up her single so I could be happier. She's already made this sacrifice, how could I not do the same for her? Despite anything I say about her on this blog, I love her and I don't want to inflict yet another asshole on her just because I want my single. I know what it's like to wonder what the next one is going to be like. I know what it's like to end up with someone who makes you want to die. I have to do this for her.

So I said, "Yes, you can live with me," when I really want to shriek, "Stay away! It's mine, it's mine, it's all mine!"

And I really want to cry.

Especially since if I took it back now I'd be more of a jerk than if I'd said no in the first place. She kept asking if I resented it last night and I wanted to scream, "Damn straight I do!" but said comforting things like, "I resent asshole, not you." "My life isn't falling apart. Living alone wasn't the only good thing about this stupid year I had." etc. etc. etc. Damned, damned lies. I think she still got the idea that I kind of don't like it (I am a horrible liar) but since I won't come out and say it she figures it doesn't bother me too much. I just....I couldn't come out and say what I wanted. How horrible of a friend would I be? She sacrificed her single for me, once.

And now I have to get ready for hateful, hateful ACS now. I just keep looking longingly at my new Matrix poster as if Keanu could jump out of it and fix my life for me.