So yesterday, there were some marketing people from the corporate office to help us out with the grand opening of our cafe. The one lady just walked back behind the registers like she owned the place, even though I had no idea who she was, and I pretty much just let her, because she seemed to know what she was doing.

So I was talking about it:

Me: Yeah, so I think not even questioning her was probably a bad thing in hindsight. I could pretty much just let anyone up there that way.
DD: Don't feel too bad. I totally let that chick into the back room without asking.
Me: Okay.
DD: And she was super-nice, too.
Me: Yeah, she was.
DD: But that other one was a total bitch. They kind of canceled each other out.
Me: It's a zero sum game.
DD: All that was left were two fakely blonde haircuts.

I'm going to miss him when he's gone.

In other news, I think working at the store has made me a worse dancer, if it's even possible. Because whenever there's any upbeat music, we all dance, only usually we do goofy dancing to make each other laugh. Doing THAT much spazzy bad dancing has made it so that's how I really dance now. So.. if I ever start flailing around and hit you, I was trying to dance. Collateral damage is inevitable, I'm sorry.

Oh there was another incident I feel the need to post, which is I apparently just made friends with a guy who works at McDonalds. He just randomly started talking me while I was waiting for my Chicken Selects today.

By the way, to preface this, so you all don't think I'm a freak who eats McDonalds for every meal or something, I'd like to point out: actually, I'm a freak who eats Taco Bell for every meal, only Taco Bell is so damn slow that about 50% of the time I want to go there I give up and go to McDonalds on grounds that it is at least 1) nearby and 2) hella fast.

Anyway, he tells me he recognizes that I come in there fairly often, which I have to admit I do. Then, I guess I felt like I had to explain why I am always coming into McDonalds and quickly wolfing down a Hamburger All American Meal all alone like a serial killer to him, so I said I worked nearby and it was convenient over my break. Which I knew would lead to having to tell him where I work, which I didn't want to tell him. So he asked, and I told him because I'm bad at just telling people who creep me out to leave me alone, and am equally bad at lying. Apparently he shops there, remembers me from there too, AND has had me find stuff for him before.

So basically, I'm so OBLIVIOUS that I could, in theory, have a stalker and not even notice it. Because I apparently have encountered this dude numerous times at both the store AND McDonalds and never even recognized him.

Anyway, my excuse to him on why I didn't remember him is that I'm terrible with faces. Which is true, I will be helping a customer, leave to find something for them, come back, and have no idea what the customer I was helping looked like. I'll hold whatever it is I found for them out in front of me like a chauffeur at an airport and hope they notice whatever it is they wanted found and come to me. I don't even look up at people 90% of the time when I'm at the register anymore, unless we actually have some worthwhile banter or I have to explain the stupid rewards program for them.

So today was bleh, but not as bad as it could've been.

I am, however, getting REALLY tired of the Bruce Springsteen/Pete Seeger CD. It's been played at least once a day at work since it came out, plus some of the tracks are options for what would normally play on the overhead anyway, and then today it got played multiple times. I'm not saying it's a bad cd (for other people to listen to), but for some reason, it just grates on my last nerve.

Tomorrow will be better, if only because I'm coming in at 6 a.m. and will not have to deal with customers until 10. AND cannot possibly be badgered into doing anything at the registers until then either.

Oh, here's a random observation from work: Apparently we have Guinness Book Of World Records Magazine. Which.... why? Although, one could ask that about a LOT of our magazines. But what really got me was there was some old lady with the longest fingernails on the record, with a tiny photo in the corner of the cover (the main bit of the cover was dedicated to the tallest guy in the world). And I thought, "How sad." Because being a tiny picture on the cover of that magazine is what all her life up till now has led up to. I mean, to not break those nails she must have someone feed her and dress her and bathe her. I can't think of a job she could really have without touching anything at all, she probably can't drive or have sex either (not to mention self-love). That seems like a lot of work just to have the longest (and most creepy-ass) nails in the world. Especially since the guy who gets the main bit of the cover did no work whatsoever.

I've found that whenever you feel depressed, you can usually find something at the store that makes you feel even worse, and that magazine qualifies.

Things at the store that make me feel gleeful, though, include: Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul, 20th Century Masters: Heavy D & the Boyz, and Cutting Hair for Dummies.

So Nickel* brought in Kelly Clarkson today for after close. Man, I at least have to admire the cojones it takes for someone to bring Kelly Clarkson into IndieHipsterLand. AND, it was kind of fun to see the anger Kelly Clarkson arouses in Mouse. I thought he might implode or something. My own position on the issue: I don't really like Kelly either, but she's at least better than Nickelback, though probably inherently more mockable. THOUGH regarding the mockability of Nickelback, I wish I still had the MP3 where it's basically two different hit Nickelback songs, one on the right channel, one on the left channel, and it pretty much points out exactly how homogenous Nickelback's music is, because hearing them together like that, you can tell they're both in the same key, the rhyme schemes and rhythms are both exactly the same, the choruses and verses are all exactly the same length, etc. etc.

Nickel also annoyed me lately by getting TII mad at me, because she told him some joke she'd made about him, but that I had made it. This is the second time this has happened to me recently, albeit with two other people. Anyway, it annoys me: take credit for your own hurtful jokes, everyone. And everyone else, don't believe these lies: If the joke doesn't involve poop, I probably didn't come up with it!

But I digress.

Tonight was fairly decent aside from Jersey severely injuring himself. He cut his hand on something and had to leave right away to get stitches. So nothing life threatening, but it still makes me sad for him. He was taking pretty stoicly, tough man from Jersey style, though. I myself would've been milking it for as much sympathy as possible, but we all have our ways of dealing with pain.

I tried the new cafe's herb & cream cheese pretzel (B-, I really miss our old pizza pretzels), Mudpie Cheesecake (C+, some stupid pecans I had to pick out, and I don't really like cheesecake to begin with but I felt like something chocolately today, I did love the caramel & chocolate sauce they drizzle on the plate), and the Mambo tea (A+, partly because it is free for me, though).

I also got my paycheck today, and there was more in it than I expected. Working on easter was worth it, boo-ya!

I bought a crappy fantasy novel, and checked out a crappy fantasy novel. Just the things to follow up an autobiography of a beloved actor from M.A.S.H., eh?

_____
* Nicknamed for her tendencies to bring in horrible music, including Nickelback.

I've written a couple new posts on KS.

Otherwise: I have done NOTHING all day. And that's how I like it, ya hear?

Oh I forgot to mention that the result of my sparsely attended unity dinner, I have begun a campaign of actively shaming people who said they would come but did not. This involves writing all their names up on the dry erase board in back and writing "shame" over and over with arrows pointing to their names with, "If you don't want to go to something, you should say no instead of getting people's hopes up!" underneath. I do not anticipate that this will actually help attendence, should I try to have another one, but it at least made me feel better.

I also have a memory from the unity dinner that is hilarious but I forgot until a couple of minutes ago. This quote from Mouse:

"I seriously, I mean, I actually, really do this: when I want to eat something unhealthy, I justify it by saying to myself, "If Phoe is still ALIVE, with her eating habits, I don't feel too bad about eating this."

I also wonder why Mulva likes to keep bloody women's apparel with him:

Mulva: lol @ repressed memories from movie night
Phoemeister: yeah. I guess someone noticed before the store opened, but I still find it funny to imagine that
Mulva: Haha i found it actually, it's in a bag on my floor.

Today was awful. It's the third time lately I've been on registers all day, a disturbing trend. It is a damn good thing that I have tomorrow off, because I think without a little rest I would flip out and start killing people if I had to deal with stupid people or explain our stupid rewards program.

Add to that the fact that I have a relatively low percentage level at signing people up, and it makes me look bad.... The thing is, I started out the day earnestly trying to do better, but after 8 hours of it, I would SO rather stab people than explain the system to them. Even nice, not crappy people!

But I think the reason I have such a low percentage IS the fact that I am so burnt out at being up there at register. Ever since they've been monitoring us on the rewards, they've been printing out all these stats, which includes how many transactions we've had each day, week, and then cumulative since they've been keeping track of this. And I'm up a thousand or two (yeah, this rant sounds stupid because I have a really bad head for numbers and am probably messing this up) over EVERYONE ELSE IN THE STORE, except for Mulva. Between the two of us, that sheet makes it look like we're the only ones keeping the fuckin' store running*. And scarily enough, he's up about as much over me as I am above everyone else. I have no idea why he has not snapped and killed us all. And not only that.... still gets a better percentage on signing people up for the rewards than I do.

I HATE THE WORLD.

And it got worse when I opened my e-mail just now. They're giving out a coupon for free coffee that's going to be good for this weekend. AND, the registers have been spitting out 30% off any one item coupons that will be good this weekend too, and the last time that happened it was absolutely brutal. Combined with the free coffee.... I just hope that corporate is smart enough to give us enough money to properly staff the place this weekend, or I will totally flip out and start shivving people with whatever comes in handy and then do myself in afterwards.

_______
* Not that it doesn't suck for everyone else, too. Hootie's been doing the all registers shift a lot lately, for all that she's part-time. Same for a lot of people. Stupid corporate keeps cutting back on payroll, though, so they'll only have one seller in the whole day, making it so that registers IS the only thing to do.

Unity Dinner: a success. I may not have gotten quantity, but I did get quality, in the form of Sista, Optpri, & Mouse. Friendship, laughter, and noodles were shared by all. I think "you're having baby!" is really catching on with the crew. Someday I will make it spread to the entire universe, even to aliens that do not have babies so much as spawn. Though hopefully they won't take it upon themselves to eat our babies. At least not the 'phew anyway. The other kids can fend for themselves as far as I'm concerned.

In other news, I plan to heavily shame the people who told me they would maybe come but then didn't. It's the only way they'll learn to just say no, or actually say yes, mean it, and then show up.

In other news, a couple of repressed memories from the movie shoot the other night resurfaced, and I wanted to share them with all:

1) My character dies, bloodily. So after I "died" I changed into my own shirt and left the bloody one in the sink in the bathroom at the Movie Fan. I kind of hope some wayward customer came upon it and wondered what dastardly deeds were perpetrated that night.

2) The best line I came up with, which will not go into the final cut, as I only said it when I was supposed to be in the background randomly jabbering, and they frequently didn't tell me when they stopped rolling. Anyway, it was: "Bee Season? I hope it has real bees!

And of course that reminds me of my real fear, serial killer bees.

So I guess I don't care as much about Alan Alda as I thought I did.

I checked out his autobiography and I'm like, "bleh." I have come to the conclusion that it's actually not a bad book (as much as I complain about it to others), but that I just don't feel like reading it when I sit down to do it, but I feel compelled to anyway, since I'm on a time limit. On one hand I really do want to read more of it, but on the other hand reading what I didn't actually like as fast as possible is what burned me out on reading a few months ago in the first place, and I don't want to undo what a month of not reading and then a month of sporadically reading pulpy sf/fantasy did to restore my love of reading.

Tonight I have my Unity dinner (i.e. the dinner I set up at Noodles to try and get people from work to come to). Low turnout again, but at least good people. Double Dizzle keeps saying he's going to have a rival dinner, just to be a jerk. Renegade's been joining him in this.

Me: You wanna go? Bring it on!
Renegade: Don't say that. You don't know what I lines I will cross!
Me: Like what?
Renegade: Like I'll rip out your soul.

Speaking of Double Dizzle, which I was earlier, I have a Zoo Off update. For those unfortunates that don't know, he and I coined the term "Zoo Off" to describe the contest we will one day have to see who is the best at a little game I like to call "Zoo Tycoon" (because that is the actual name of the game, and I like to be accurate). So after we came up with that, we'd just walk past each other and be like, "Zoo Off!"

Then, for some reason or other, Mouse taped this cardboard promotional thing for some CD on Double Dizzle's mailbox one day. So I put a note that says "Zoo Off!" in the tray where the CD's would go in the promotional thing.

Then later, I open a book I brought to work to read on my break, and right on the page I dogeared is a post-it that says, "Zoo off!"

So then I stuck a note that said Zoo Off! in his name tag.

Then he put a note that said zoo off on my time card.

Then I used the label maker to make a note that said zoo off and tape it to his staff mug.

He stuck the label to the bottom of my mug.

So then I ran out of ideas and put it on his nametag. I do not know when the next counter strike will happen.

Today was awesome. DOUBLE FEATURE!

...which basically means that Sista and went and saw two movies (American Dreamz & Thank You For Smoking). But I've noticed even if you're doing something not that exciting, if you make a big deal out of it, it is a lot more fun. So... we basically yelled "DOUBLE FEATURE!" a lot before, after, and in between movies. And during previews and the double showing of the Pepsi ad featuring Jimmy Fallon.

We also ate at Culver's in between, where I loudly shouted "fuckin' mashed potatoes." I don't even know what came over me! See, this is why I should not curse and/or hang out as much as I do with people I curse, because I forget it's not okay to say it whenever I want, and then it just slips out. Though why I got so worked up about mashed potatoes, I cannot now remember.

So yesterday I gave in and helped with Mulva's movie. I had my reservations at first, but I guess that's how it goes.

Bad things: the Movie Fan (setting of this picture) is very hot, and when I get hot, I turn pink like a drunk. So I am sweaty and drunk-pink in this. Also: generic licorice is not very good.

Good things: Mulva's friends are easily as twisted as I am. Also, there was a guy walking around dressed as a ninja most of the time, and every so often I'd forget he was there, and then catch him out of the corner of my eye, and be like, "is that a ninja?" I also managed to get the "beep boop" part from the beginning of the Postal Service song, "Brand New Colony" into at least two other people's heads.

Other notes:


Phoemeister: oh guess what
Suim: What?!
Phoemeister: last night I met a guy named Ryan, and we talked about rape for like four hours
Sui: haha
Sui: Umm.. good?
Phoemeister: so I guess what I'm trying to say is: thanks for visiting
Sui: Haha
Sui: Not a problem
Phoemeister: I actually gave in and went to help with Mulva's movie
Phoemeister: and he was the guy who shot the blood onto me
Phoemeister: true story
Sui: haha shot blood onto you?
Phoemeister: yeah, I die
Phoemeister: and he apparently has a thing that shoots blood onto people
Phoemeister: true story
Phoemeister: "he" in that sentence being what, the fifth Ryan I now know?
Sui: Haha
Phoemeister: so you know a guy with acess to a lot of fake blood is pretty cool
Sui: can't argue with that
Phoemeister: actually I talked to two guys about rape all night. But the other one's name was not Ryan, so I didn't think you'd find it as interesting :P
Sui: Well I think i'd be a little creeped out if I was spending the night talking to two guys about rape : |
Sui: Kind of like when I was in the shower in my dorm at U of A.. we had community showers
Phoemeister: well we weren't like, "isn't rape cool!"
Sui: and I hear one guy say to another guy in the stall next to him.. "Hey, do you know what sodomy is?"
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: that's AWESOME.
Phoemeister: like, Mulva was making me talk in the background of this one shot, and I was like, "what do I say?" and the one guy was like, "you should just say rape over and over"
Phoemeister: and I laughed so hard it messed up the scene
Phoemeister: and then,you know how when I like a joke, I beat it into the ground? Yep.
Sui: haha nice

So... Sista read my post from yesterday, and IM'ed me:

Sista: YOU LICKED MY POSTER?
Sista: my choking poster in the back?
Phoemeister: haha
Phoemeister: yes, I did
Phoemeister: it was accidently though
Phoemeister: why, by the way, do you have a choking poster at your desk?
Sista: i needed decoration

This amuses me enough that I end up pasting it over to Ryan:

Sui: haha
Sui: how do you accidentally lick something?
Phoemeister: don't you love how I try to turn the blame?
Sui: haha yeah
Sui: you're quite good at that
Sui: "I"m not the freak, you're the freak!"
Phoemeister: well, I was pretending to make out with the poster, because the pictures of CPR got me a little amorous
Phoemeister: and my tongue got a little out of control
Phoemeister: and actually hit the poster
Phoemeister: true story.

Sometimes I really, really hate this town. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of the people who are hardcore about hating it. Sure, it's not exciting, but what is? People always complain there's nothing to do here, but I don't really know what these phantom "things to do" are in other towns they refer to. All I can think of is more parties & concerts, which I wouldn't go to anyway, or more museums, which would be cool for about a month and then not ever again.

But what I really hate is always seeing people I used to know. I have nothing to say to these people! And a good percentage of them seem to pity me, even though I like my job. The worst are the people who seem to be regulars, like my 8th grade health teacher and the guy who used to stalk my best friend in high school. I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: no one should have to sell romance novels to the woman who taught them about gonohrea, or sell Bette Midler albums to... well, anyone, but especially to the guy who used to stalk their best friend in high school!

In other news, I now REALLY have the urge to grab my buttocks and jiggle them whenever I laugh. Apparently Mouse picked up a "laugh really goofy and jiggle your tummy" move from one of his friends in Ohio the last time he visited there. But even funnier is that, unlike his friend, Mouse has no real gut to grab onto to make jiggle like a bowful of jelly. So Optpri walks up and says that his lack of gut makes it ridiculous. And for a bizarre metaphor to illustrate this, since she herself has little to no ass, she says, "Yeah, that'd be like if I started grabbing and shaking my butt when I laugh." So.... yes. Whenever I laugh I really get the urge to jiggle my sadly more than ample behind now, only I have a feeling that it's a somewhat lewd and frowned upon thing to do in public, especially at work, which is of course where I want to do it the most, as my coworkers are the only ones who would get it.


Phoemeister: it was alright. work went by pretty fast
Phoemeister: my 8th grade health teacher came in again
Phoemeister: she isn't a bad person but I've grown to hate her as a representative of ALL old aquaintances I come into contact with way too often now that I work retail
Sui: I bet it would be bad customer service to stab people like that though ?
Sui: erm : Phoemeister: lol
Sui: "Would you like to hear about some of our promotions on BEING STABBED?"
Phoemeister: lol
Sui: It's a fantastic new program we have here
Phoemeister: I have a coworker who's always asking me if he can stab me in the neck with a pen
Phoemeister: I should pay that spirit forward to the customers.
Sui: You pay 14.99 a month, and I get to stab you whenever I want
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: LOL
Sui: Have you ever answered yes?
Phoemeister: every single time
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: he's not actually done it yet
Sui: Well that's good at least
Phoemeister: I think he's saving up so he can stab me a whole bunch all at once.

So I totally went crazy at work today. There is this case of fruity tea in the back that like, expired a year ago that they gave to us to drink that I say is partially to blame. Not so much the fact that it is expired as that I had way too much. Because I had like two of them. In three hours. I think I sloshed.

Which, I don't know if you've ever noticed (or drink in the quantities I do), but you actually do slosh if you drink enough. Remember back in the days when Snapple had those ads where people wrote them stupid letters and the Snapple lady came and visited them? Well one time I drank a whole bottle of snapple all at once and recorded the sloshing and was going to mail them the cassette of my sloshing along with a witty letter about my sloshing, in hopes that the Snapple lady would visit me. I never got around to mailing the tape, and ended up keeping it around for a disturbingly long time.

I was a weird little kid.

When I mentioned that the tea was making me crazy, Mouse went and had some too, and he went psycho as well. He was all doing his Golum impression on the name of this magazine, "Spiegel," and doing his impression of this air filled man thing in front of the cellular phone store in our plaza, and all his other voices, and his old standby, "For Lovers" about a million different ways. He also paged me on the overhead while I was 10 feet away from him to tell me about the thumb wrestling on the poster in the back office on how to do the heimlich manuver, (which I then accidently licked).

At the same time, I was singing the "beep boop" part from the Postal Service's "Brand New Colony," rocking this one pun where I replaced getz (as in Stan Getz) for every instance of get or gets, saying "too bad I LOVE IT" (from the sodomy discussion with Hootie awhile ago), and using my "you're having baby!" joke.

And then I realize, it feels to me like Mouse and I belong together. I'm really mad that he's not my brother and I didn't grow up with him. Because in my mind's eye I can see us driving my parents insane on car trips, or him beating up all the jerks that were mean to me in grade school. And sometimes I feel like an only child, because my sister and I are so different, and we've never been close. Sometimes she seems to me like Expecto-tron, "the robot that conforms to society's expectations!" Anyway, I'm going to miss him. I doubt he'll keep in touch. I've had friends I've known much longer that never even bothered.

Or maybe this is just the impending separation anxiety I feel whenever anyone is about to leave.

I leave you with this depressing yet hilarious (in my opinion, of course) conversation I had with Death.*

Me: *starts singing one of the songs from School of Rock* Err... that's from School of Rock if you don't know.
Death: I've never seen that. I kind of want to, but I never see any of the movies I mean to, even after I go out and buy them. I just get busy or something.
Me: Oh, well I have no friends, so I'm like, "I think I'll watch a movie!"
Death: Well I don't have friends either. I end up puttering around my appartement.
Me: Oh, well I sit at home and think, "I could clean or something, but I think I'll wallow in my own filth and watch a movie!"

Oh... and I just realized another reason I might've been weird was I was on high powered narcotics (a little). Anyway, since I quit the birth control (I thought it was giving me headaches/I didn't like the enormously painful and traumatic pap test I had to do to keep them providing me with it) that used to keep me cramp free, my periods have been getting worse and worse so today I took some darvocet from back when I had pancreatitis. But I don't think it made me hyper, as the first half of work, when they'd be strongest, I felt more down and out of it than anything.

_____
* She's a manager we have on loan from Peoria to do Elaine's job, since Elaine is doing boss-boss's job since boss-boss is on pregnancy leave. "Death" is because she is going to mortician school right now.

Attention all, breaking bulletin:

Sista: btw hit that shit is totally hitting some other shit
Phoemeister: eh, that's okay
Phoemeister: I don't even know him
Sista: his girlfriend is a sorority girl
Sista: its so weird
Phoemeister: ahaha
Phoemeister: "Like, oh my god!"
Phoemeister: anyway, it's better this way
Sista: yeah
Sista: but she seems nice even though i didn't talk to her
Phoemeister: that's good
Sista: i just am happier when guys date girls that don't look like they are off the cover of seventeen
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: I am happier when people don't pester me to hook up with someone I don't know that they barely know either based soley on the fact that they are there :P

Phoemeister: but you would die doing what you love
Phoemeister: thrusting
Phoemeister: "at least I'll go down thrusting!"
Phoemeister: you know that fall out boy song, "Sugar We're Going Down" well in my head I've just replaced all instances of "swinging" with thrusting
Sui: Haha
Sui: Niiiice
Phoemeister: "we're going down, down, in an earlier round
and sugar we're going down thrusting
I'll be your number one with a bullet
a loaded gun complex
cock it and pull it"
Phoemeister: I'm thinking pull could also be replaced with thrust
Sui: it works well with "cock it"
Phoemeister: that's what I thought
Phoemeister: I think all verbs
Phoemeister: in all songs
Phoemeister: should be replaced with thrust/thrusting/has thrust
Phoemeister: thrusted/has thrusted
Phoemeister: you're my most thrusted friend
Sui: Hahah
Sui: In God we Thrust
Phoemeister: All love is based on a foundation of thrust
Sui: Thrust no one
Phoemeister: thrust me!
Sui: A man who doesn't thrust himself can never really thrust anyone else
Phoemeister: I can't believe those anti-thrust laws broke up AT & T
Sui: You may be deceived if you thrust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't thrust enough.
Phoemeister: someday I will learn to thrust again
Phoemeister: but if another man betrays my thrust, how will I ever face myself in the mirror?
Sui: As the great Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, Self-thrust is the first secret of success.
Sui: or in the immortal words of Shakespeare..
Sui: Love all, thrust a few.
Phoemeister: thrust is not given, thrust is earned
Phoemeister: Mother Theresa: "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he wouldn't thrust me so much."
Sui: man I bet I'd get tired of God thrusting me all the time too

So I got a new post at KS

Oh also, since I dunno Optpri's e-mail, and will never remember to give her these urls when I'm NOT at a computer, I give you ALL the remains of the Brunching Shuttlecocks.

Lore Comics

Ratings

Bandwidth Theater, which I forget about since my computer's so slow that watching any of them is a major task.

Lore's Blog, which I'd also kinda forgotten about. The best bit on it is his opinions on the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson movie, "Snakes on a Plane."

I was really hoping that Snakes on a Plane would be a blockbuster, simply because I think there aren't enough action movies aimed at topologists. I was hoping it would be followed up by such sure-fire hits as Snakes on a Sphere, Snakes on a Torus, and the mind-bending thrills of Snakes on a Möbius Strip.

Then I saw the trailer.

Dammit.

So today was kind of crappy. Colitis flare up + register all day so I can't exactly just go to the bathroom whenever I want = teh suxxor. As the l33t cockney would say: !75 4 k!(k !|\| 7|-|3 |\|!46|245.

In other news they changed the combination to get into the door in the back office where the time clock and all our personal stuff is, and no one told me, so I just went back there and tried the old one a bunch of times like a sucker, getting more and more worried. Then I went back to the cafe where they were having morning meeting, and Lister's all, "oh... yeah, we changed the combination." I was kind of irritated he didn't say anything when I passed him on the way in.

AND, every subsequent time I still had troubles, just because I'd automatically type in the old one without thinking. Plus, even after I remember sometimes I'd forget to pull the handle or do the reset in between, or just randomly hit the wrong number (another employee says it doesn't "flow" like the old one, and I kind of agree).

One of these times HTS was trying to get in there too, and I recounted to him the story about how no one told me and I was just mashing the buttons back there in blind rage when I couldn't get in. He said, "yeah, they told US last night. I guess we're the only real employees, not you."

It made me laugh. But then I was thinking about it and it's kind of a dickish thing to say. As is the other quip I remember him making ("you guys are certainly hard at work!). But I actually kind of like him better for it. It's crazy, isn't it? When you like someone (or want to like them, anyway), and they make a joke like that, it's funny. But if say, that bastardy son of a bastard's bastard's bastard, bastardly bastardface McGee (Optpri knows who I'm talkin' 'bout!) made a joke like that, I would be infuriated! I would rip his fucking bastard head off of his spindly bastardly bastard body, and shove it down his bastardesque bastard neck.

in other news, I finally IMed one of those AIM bots:

Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: Good grief, I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.
Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: I don't respond to that kind of language.
I'm here to help you shop.
Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: Hey -- clean up the language and get serious. I'm happy to help but can't deal with that mouth.
Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: Clean it up a little -- this is a family bot. ;-)
Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: Hey -- clean up the language and get serious. I'm happy to help but can't deal with that mouth.
Phoemeister: poop
ShoppingBuddy: Hmm, that's not gonna get you anywhere with me.
Phoemeister: Do I really want to get anywhere with you? Moviefone said you have herpes.
ShoppingBuddy: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec...

ShoppingBuddy: - Search results for Moviefone said herpes

- Understanding Herpes [$8.61 - $37.01]
- Dr. Ruth's Guide to Talking about [$9.61 - $14.00]
- DermaSeptic for Herpes [$99.95]
- The Official Patient's Sourcebook [$24.95 - $28.18]
- Herpes Simplex [$11.05 - $59.94]
- Understanding Genital Herpes [$22.24]
- Herpes [$2.45 - $3.95]
- Truth About Herpes [$15.72 - $38.83]
- Immunity to and Prevention of Her [$107.38 - $192.95]

Here are some related categories: 1. Miscellaneous Non-Fiction Books, 2. Skin Care Products, 3. Charms, 4. Health & Fitness Books, 5. Miscellaneous Books, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.
Phoemeister: thanks
ShoppingBuddy: My pleasure.

Things about my day:

1) Mouse came to work late, and he had the keys to let us in, so we had to wait around an hour. But, we're still getting paid (I think). I spent most of this time talking to Double Dizzle, which gave me some good conversational gems to share with you:

Me: I really do want to get paid for this, but I also feel kind of guilty for being paid for sitting around and talking about Zoo Tycoon with you.
DD: Dude, that's what we'd be doing anyway, if we were inside.
Me: I can't argue there.

Me: I used to be frightened of Kevin because he looks like this guy who I used to work with who was really mean to me.
DD: Who did you used to work with, Harry Potter?

DD: So Easter Sunday, I sat at home alone drinking and playing Zoo Tycoon.
Me: That is so sad.
DD: Well my wife was at work and my kid was at his grandparents.
Me: So did you invent a drinking game? Like every time Zookeeper 4 has trouble getting to the small poo, take a shot?
DD: No, it's every time Common Wildebeast 5 gives birth. And it's not a shot, it's a six pack.
Me: That's hilarious. But I bet you did it for every animal that gives birth. And like for the lion, you have two six packs because a lion has two babies at a time.

at this point, he and I are dying of laughter, and I add:

Me: that's so Zoo Tycoon humor, no one else would even find it funny. Like that Golden Retriever* joke you made earlier being only a joke someone working at Borders would get. Like, the other day I was looking at this crazy cardboard thing we have that is kind of like shelves for CD's, and was like, "This is kind of elaborate. I wonder who thinks of these. This guy must be the Sabuda** of the industrial cardboard world!"
DD: The only problem is if you mention book jokes people don't get all the time they think you're all stuck up and literary. Like my joke about doing the Oliver Twist.
Me: Eh?
DD: I never told you that? Well there used to be this movie tie in book of Oliver Twist where Oliver is in the center and these shadows are reaching out to grab him, only it looks like he's dancing with him, so I call that doing the Oliver Twist.
Me: Oh.
DD: See, you could get the wrong impression from that. You would think I'm Dickinsonian. But I'm not.

DD: I played Zoo Tycoon for like four hours. That's like 7 years of Zoo time. And it was so awesome that I wanted to call my kid out of school just to show it to him. But then when he did come home he was not that impressed. I had a whole rainforest section and stuff, and he was like, "that's cool." I was like, "That's it? Didn't you notice the profits I'm getting from my bottlenose dolphin show!"

Me: Remember the time you said that you hated all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers except for Flea and Hillel, but you'd have to have a seance to meet Hillel, and for a full seance you would have to let the rest of the Chili Peppers into your home?
DD: Yeah?
Me: That was AWESOME!

2) There was this book I had to find today called "You're Having a Baby." But our computer takes out a's and the's, so it was listed as "You're Having Baby." I found this hilarious, because I imagined you going into a restaurant and someone being like, "You're having baby!" And I insisted on telling everyone this, and making, "_____, you're having baby!" a catchphrase.

Then, we got to talking dead baby jokes, and mine was the worst! I made two different, not queasy people, physically recoil from me! It was awesome!

3) I went to Noodles for some free Noodles with Optpri! I had pesto cavatappi, and it was awesome. It renews my love for Noodles so much, because I was actually getting a little tired of teh admittedly awesome, but frequently had (by me) mac & cheese.

Also, I have some conversational gems from Optpri:

Optpri: So Elaine, Renegade***, and I were having an off color discussion, and Renegade said, "Man, what if Phoe walks in? She'll be so embarassed." And I was like, "Are you kidding me? Phoe is a filthy dirty filthy perv." And he was like, "I don't know, Double Dizzle and I were talking about something the other day, and she got pinker and pinker." I said, "I think she has a blushing reflex or something, but she is a huge filthy perv." And then Elaine was like, "Yeah, she is." Then he wanted to know about some of the pervy things you've said, but I thought it would be bad to go around telling him stuff about Satan's penis or the stuff on your blog without permission.

Optpri: So how did we get onto talking about sex with robots again? (this is after her describing to me a video for a song entitled "metal fingers inside me" and I in turn tell her a line from a book where a guy gets stuck in a robot prostitute, "it's like I was caught in a milking machine!")

Optpri: I think weird looking guys are hot. Like Dennis Hopper.
Me: Um, not so much weird looking as very, very angry.
Optpri: I prefer the term "unbalanced."


____
* the discussion about Kevin involved him knowing a lot about movies, Double Dizzle said he was "the golden retriever" which is a name of a book about movies we carry.

** Robert Sabuda is this dude who makes these very fancy, elaborate pop-up children's books.

*** Horribly, but hilariously, this coworker's term for the differently abled is "renegades."

Phoemeister: I think Optpri is about to equal you in the "talking about disturbing things" category
Sui: Whoa, that's scary
Sui: And being equalled by a girl none the less
Phoemeister: because the other day we were at a gas station and I was talking to her through the window, so we kind of had to shout and we were talking about something mildly off color
Phoemeister: and I was like, "gee, I love how we're having this conversation at the top of our lungs in public"
Phoemeister: "please make it worse"
Sui: haha
Sui: nice
Phoemeister: and she said something about how she couldn't make whatever it was worse, and I was like, "well, you could just add to the story. Yeah, and then Satan came in, and he raped me....."
Phoemeister: so then we got to talking about Satan's penis
Sui: haha
Sui: See, this isn't bad so far
Sui: It's all covered ground
Phoemeister: and she was of the opinion that it's probably barbed, like an arrow. And she was like, "yeah, when he pulls out he probably rips your cunt out."
Sui: haha
Sui: That's pretty bad
Phoemeister: and I made a horrified face, and she was like, "sorry for saying cunt," and I was like, "I have no problem with cunt, it's just that I really pictured that in my mind when you said that and was like, "ow"
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: and she was like, "yeah, Satan's home hysterectomies was probably a bit much."
Sui: That's great that she talks about satan raping you with his barbed penis
Sui: and when she thinks you're offended she apologizes for saying the word 'cunt'
Phoemeister: that's what I thought was funny too
Sui: I'm glad you have someone to keep you talking about terrible terrible things even when you're not online to talk to me


Sui: the quote under the picture today
Sui: ...first person that comes out this fucking door gets a LEAD SALAD, you understand?
Phoemeister: I love how many of them actually kind of go with that picture
Sui: Haha yeah
Sui: I need a better damn camera so I can take a proper picture for you
Phoemeister: you DO
Sui: The quality is still quite shitty
Phoemeister: or we could start a whole series where you act out famous scenes from movies for me
Sui: Haha
Sui: Brilliant
Phoemeister: I'm thinking you tie Mike up and do that bit from Reservoir Dogs where you cut off his ear
Phoemeister: I've actually never seen Reservoir Dogs though
Phoemeister: I was just like, "what could he violently do to Mike?"
Sui: haha
Sui: You need to watch that movie too damnit!
Sui: You suck at being a film enthusiast
Sui: "I REERRY RUV MOVIES BUT I HAVNOT SEEN ANY GOOD ONES"
Phoemeister: I hate Quentin Tarantino though
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: hey, I've seen The Limey
Phoemeister: and I'm the only one that gets your Limey jokes
Sui: Haha okay, you've got me there
Phoemeister: Oh, I have to put Kompressor does not dance in there
Sui: haha
Sui: You definitely need more Kompressor in there
Phoemeister: so far I just added: KOMPRESSOR DOES NOT DANCE and DO YOURSELF A FAVOR
NEVER TALK TO STRANGER
Sui: haha brilliant
Phoemeister: maybe also "NO MORE FUNNY DOG COMIC"
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: that's my favorite line of destroy mass media
Phoemeister: IF YOU SEE VAN
DO NOT GET IN
Phoemeister: YOU WILL BE DEAD
Phoemeister: OR AT LEAST VERY SAD
Sui: haha
Sui: I'm glad that all the Kompressor quotes will be in caps
Phoemeister: I hate to do this to you, but I'm also adding, "I'm a pretty lady! A pretty, pretty lady!"
Sui: haha damn you

Well you already know how my day started. At least it got better though. Working merch with Optpri & Mouse cheered me up considerably. Add to that lunch at Potbelly, which it turns out that I not only don't hate, but actually like, and my day turned out quite well. At least until the tornado warning.

It was over when my shift was, but I still had to wait around a little unless I wanted to drive home in a full fledged thunderstorm, so that was kind of annoying, but I had a book with me and I also did no work the last half hour I was on the clock because we had to stay in the center of the store and not let customers in or out.

Also, I sold two more bunnies. I REIGN SUPREME.

So... is it a bad sign for the upcoming day when you wake up at 2 a.m. knowing you have to get up at 5:00, with a bad headache, achey legs, your stomach feels like it's trying to murder you, and the only thought that will run through your head is "hate the world. revenge soon. take out everyone."?

I HATE THE WORLD.

Seriously. I was in kiiiind of a bad mood earlier today, and then it just got worse and worse. Why does everything have to suck?

Fact: I sold three more bunnies today. SUCK ON THAT, OPTPRI!

My day: otherwise pretty uneventful.

Phoemeister: I loved, especially when they ended it with, "and that was the most gruesome murder in england ever until 1965 when this dude started dipping people in vats of acid"
Sui: Yeah, "surgeon's gone wild" would make for some pretty gruesome murders
Phoemeister: haha, you should make a movie called that
Sui: It would be a snuff film
Sui: where surgeons flash people
Sui: and then cut them up
Phoemeister: I would go for that, especially if the surgeons were hot
Phoemeister: and drunk
Sui: Of course
Sui: they're surgeons
Sui: If they're not hot to begin with, they have other surgeon friends to make them hot
Phoemeister: LOL
Phoemeister: I thought the of course was to the drunk part at first
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "of course. they're surgeons"
Sui: hahah
Suibrom: Yeah that works too
Phoemeister: "look what they did to my appendix!"
Sui: Yeah that guy was definitely drunk
Phoemeister: "I think they left a pair of rubber gloves in there and some junior mints"
Sui: thought it was more what he did to the rest of my insides, and not so much the appendix
Sui: Maybe they took my appenix out with an egg beater
Sui: or his hand
Phoemeister: HAHA "maybe this whisk will work" *starts beating on random organs with it*
Sui: hahah
Phoemeister: "Dude, will you give me five dollars if I take this guy's appendix out with my fuckin' HAND"?
Suim: "I forget what the appenix looks like.. so I'm just gonna start punching things until something comes out"
Sui: hahah
Sui: Drunken surgeon bets
Sui: "I bet 20 bucks says you can't take that thing out with your teeth"
Sui: "I've got another 100 says you won't eat it after!"
Phoemeister: hahaha
Phoemeister: I think that would be even better than the horror movie. Because it would be scary if they pretended like, it's a mocumentary and all the surgeons are doing that
Phoemeister: and a bunch of people die
Sui: haha
Phoemeister: "how did I get syphillis from getting my gallbladder out?"
Sui: I'd watch that movie
Sui: "Sorry about that.. we had a bet to see who would put his thing in the incision in your abdomen for the longest, and Bob here kind of.. lost control"
Phoemeister: "hey, to make up for it.... free boob job!"
Sui: haha
Sui: But I'm a man!

So I stole this meme from Dataangel, who stole it from someone else...

the meme is a set of questions that you answer by putting your media player on shuffle and letting it answer them. No cheating, even if it doesn't make sense.

I have my own warning, which is basically this: my "media player" is my computer, which has on it four things, musicwise: things I liked enough to d/l, but not buy, things other people have sent me, and lastly things that people I really like made that aren't really on albums (live versions, acoustic versions, covers, etc), things I don't feel bad stealing (Beatles, etc), so it's not that accurate of a picture.

1) How does the world see me?

Godhead cover of The Beatles' Eleanor Rigby Not particularly encouraging.

2) Will I have a happy life?

One Way - Levellers

"there's only one way of life" so, um... maybe I find jesus?

3) How do my friends really think of me?

Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you" Yes! They're hot for me!

4) Do People Secretly Lust After You?

Goo Goo Dolls - Big Machine

ecstasy is all you need
living in the big machine
oh, you're so vain so... no?

but then there's

I'm aware
I'm in love but you don't care so... yes?

5) How can I make myself happy?

Jimmy Eat World - No Sensitivity

Be less sensitive? Or more?

6) What should I do with my life?

This Love - Maroon 5

This answer is a slap in the face! I can't think of any song on my list that gives less help as to what direction someone should point their life in!

7) Will I Ever Have Children?

Matt's Dad's Basement - Tupac at Mcdonalds Haha. Also a useless answer, but I at least am not ashamed of this song.

"I saw Tupac at McDonalds
he got a chicken mcnugget
I saw Tupac at McDonalds
that ol' G first taught me to thug it!"

"west siiiiiiiide is the best siiiiiiiide"

"I looked at him and I took a breath
please tell me why you faked your death"

"ain't no life like a tupac life cause a tupac life won't stop"

8) What is some good advice for me?

Different Drum -- Linda Ronstadt also useless

9) How will I be remembered?

Your Song - Elton John

"I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words
how wonderful life is
now you're in the world" That's good to know, Sir Elton.

10) What is my signature song?

Barenaked Ladies cover of Weezer's Buddy Holly.

"I don't care what they say about us anyway
I don't care 'bout that"

11) What do I think my current theme song is?

Mad World - Gary Jules

"I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles
its a very, very mad world"

12) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment (acoustic)

"forgetting all I'm lacking
completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me"

13) What song will play at my funeral?

Box Car Racer - Letters to God This one actually works out pretty well.

"and I
I won't lie
I won't sin
maybe I don't wanna go
can't you wait?
maybe I don't wanna go.

14) What type of men/women do I like?

Caviar - Tangerine Speedo Aw snap, this is hilarious.

"your mouth made an offer that their bodies cannot veto
no woman can resist a man who looks good in a speedo"

"nowhere to go
nothing to do
I'll be as gentle on you as tearless baby shampoo"

15) What is my day going to be like? (night more, like, since I'm doing this before bed)

Goldfinger - Superman

uh ohs "I'm trying to sleep
I lost count of sheep
my mind is racing faster every minute"

so those were the original questions. But I was bored, so I added more of my own:

16) what do you want played on your wedding?

Heart (things never shared) - Doug Martsch

"things never shared
things that don't mean much to me" This marriage must be doomed from the start.

17) how do you feel about your mom?

Electric Six feat. Jack White -- Danger High Voltage

"fire in the disco!
fire in the taco bell!"

"don't you wanna know how we keep starting fires?
It's my desire! it's my desire!"

"danger danger, high voltage,
when we touch, when we kiss" No, that's how I feel about YOUR mother.

18) how do you feel about zauberflote?

Ben Lee -- Close, I've Come

eh. No clear answer there.

19) how do you feel about the current administration's politics?

Prozzak -- I Like To Watch

"I like to watch,
I like the way you bounce, bounce,
I like to watch,
ya ya groovin movin,
I like to watch, shake it if you've got it lady
here's my confession:
I like to watch your hot box." Yeah.... I got it bad for Cheney. God, I'd forgotten how horrible that song is.

20) what is your religious affiliation?

Pedro the Lion -- Slow & Steady Wins the Race haha, this one works so well.

"all the way to grandma's house
I stayed on the narrow path
but my brother wandered off
deep into the woods

bitten twice by rattle snakes
tangled up in poison oak
he fell down and broke his legs
into a great ravine

when I arrived at grandma's house
she had made us tea and cake
she asked where my brother was
and I said, "I don't know,"
and ate

when I get to heaven
I'll be greeted warmly
surrounded by the angels
as jesus takes my hand

and I'll recieve a mention on the river jordan
and a crown of diamonds
for a race well run
I won't ever lock my doors
I will trust my neighbors
confident that they deserve
to be there in heaven
too."

21) what is the meaning of life?

OK GO -- 100 Miles

"with a little bit of money
we could buy us a car
with a little luck
we could get away from where we are"

22) why is Ben Folds so damn sexy?

Hum -- I Hate it Too

"I'll send you flowers made of silent tiny pieces of the sun" ...not really relevant.

23) where are you going to be in four years?

Incubus -- Meglomaniac

"hey megalomaniac
you're no jesus
yeah, you're no fucking elvis" Maybe this one should have gone in my political question slot, and "I Like To Watch" should be here, fortelling my future as a stripper.

24) What is the most important relationship in your life right now?

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down - Joan Baez. Apparently some confederate soldier named Virgil Cane is my most important relationship.

25) What do you think of Brad & Jen breaking up?

Without MSG I am Nothing - McLusky

"do do do do do do do!"

26) What is the worst song you've ever heard?

Damien Rice -- Volcano. Wrong, I actually like this one. I've only never bought the album because I've never heard any of his other songs, and am afraid it's his only good one.

27) Best song?

MXPX cover of A-Ha's Take On Me haha, it IS pretty damn awesome.

28) Why don't people like you?

Flight of the Bumblebee - Patrick Sheridan. Yes, why people dont' like me is the flight of the bumblebee performed by a master Tuba player.

29) Why don't you get a life?

Teenage Fanclub - It's All in my Mind. maybe it was in my MIND that I didn't have a life. ...maybe not.

So, I IMed several people:

Phoemeister: so I've decided that "zauberflote" is the hip new curse word
Phoemeister: discuss

here are the groundbreaking revelations these discussions unearthed:

Sui: I disagree
Sui: nothing will ever beat out "fuckshitass"
Phoemeister: well you see I didn't say it was the all time best curse word
Phoemeister: fuckshitass is a classic
Phoemeister: but the hip new curse word (popular for 3-6 months) is zauberflote
Phoemeister: how come you dont' even want to know where I got it?
Sui: I figured it was just your inner german coming out again
Phoemeister: well, Mr. Smarty Pants, it IS german. For magic flute!
Phoemeister: come on
Phoemeister: that's a great fake curse word for penis
Sui: haha
Sui: okay I can agree with that
Phoemeister: thank you!
Sui: haha not a problem : )
Phoemeister: anyway it's some Mozart opera, and we have a DVD on display of it, and every time I see it I want to be like, "Zauberflote!!!"
Sui: yeah I've heard of it in english
Sui: didn't realize that was the geerman for it
Phoemeister: well I saw zauberflote
Phoemeister: on the package
Phoemeister: and the little tag we have that has the artist had mozart on it
Phoemeister: and it was with a bunch of operas
Phoemeister: and flote kind of looks like flute
Phoemeister: so I came to the conclusion that it was probably the magic flute
Sui: haha
Sui: Good call


Sarcasmyst: zauberflote...
Sarcasmyst: I don't know.
Sarcasmyst: it doesn't have enough BITE on the final syllable.
Sarcasmyst: curse words should end in a consonant
Sarcasmyst: not a vowel :P
Phoemeister: well it's a silent e
Phoemeister: it's german, so you can really put the angry emphasis on the flote sylable
Phoemeister: zauberFLOTE
Sarcasmyst: Hmm...
Phoemeister: there's even an umlaut over the o
Sarcasmyst: but it's so LONG
Sarcasmyst: I like the umlaut. :-)
Phoemeister: it's german for magic flute
Phoemeister: come on
Phoemeister: it's the best fake curse word for penis ever
Sarcasmyst: *laughs* dude. that is true.
Phoemeister: see, I always win them over when I bring up the magic flute/penis connection
Sarcasmyst: *laughs* penises for teh win, indeed.


Mulva: zauberflote reeks of profanity in the way children do
Phoemeister: .....thank you?


Zanial: How about I don't discuss it. Zauberflote YOU.
Phoemeister: that's not what your mother said last night when I showed her my zauberflote!
Zanial: My mother is dead! HOW COULD YOU
Zanial: (not really but it's the best thing to say)
Phoemeister: Hey, your dead mother loves my zauberflote
Zanial: I'd believe it. It's worth being around!
Phoemeister: thanks
Phoemeister: whenever I take it around town I get lots of compliments
Zanial: I wish I could be like you with your zauberflote
Phoemeister: you could for only four payments of 24.95
Zanial: Wow! What a deal
Phoemeister: You're telling me!


AOwens: ok.... haven't been watching buffy have you?
Phoemeister: no...
Phoemeister: why?
AOwens: just thinking of some of the terms from there
Phoemeister: oh. Actually it's german for the magic flute. Which makes it all the better, because that's totally a fantastic euphemism for penis
AOwens: and buffy used to through in some german stuff... not really sure where she woulda learned
Phoemeister: well, the Magic Flute is a mozart opera
AOwens: ok
AOwens: what's its relation to you now?
AOwens: you said new cuss word..... don't like it?
Phoemeister: no, I just think it's funny! Magic flute is an awesome name for penis, and the german makes it sound more angry and emphatic
AOwensI: freud would have a field day with you about now
Phoemeister: not really. His thing is unearthing hidden penises. If it's right out in the open he doesn't care.


BSD: kind of unilateral of you.
Phoemeister: well
Phoemeister: I said you could discuss
Phoemeister: it's not set in stone
BSD: i don't know, it's kind of already in motion
Phoemeister: but one man can stop it if he tries hard enough
BSD: i lack the drive
Phoemeister: well then too bad
Phoemeister: it's done
Phoemeister: DONE, I tell you
BSD: oh
Phoemeister: no escape from zauberflote
BSD: it sounds like a french swear word
Phoemeister: well it's a german swear word, thank you very much
BSD: ok
Phoemeister: I'm glad we cleared that up
BSD: as am I
Phoemeister: that could've destroyed the very fabric of the space/time continuum
BSD: right
Phoemeister: really man
Phoemeister: it would rip the very ass off the pants of our universe
BSD: ok, that is funny
Phoemeister: thanks
BSD: no problem
Phoemeister: whenever you're not laughing, I go right for an assless pants reference and it perks you right up

So I don't really think of myself as a mean person, but I realized I am. At least in a joking/teasing kind of way. Basically this is a lead up to where I tell you I was in a room full of people today and I realized I had insulted nearly every one of them.

My break overlapped a little with all the cafe people today, so I saw jazz hands* on the way in and just randomly decided to shout, "get back in the cafe, monkey!" to her and her friend.

Then I saw IRTR (I Represent This Remark)** and El Camino talking, and to make it less a pointed attack at jazz hands, I was like, "Get back to the back office, monkey!" to El Camino (he's our corporate guy, he does a lot of that in the back office). IRTR is like, "Hey, you didn't tell me to get back anywhere," and I was like, "Oh, IRTR, you know no one wants you anywhere." And he, of course, says "I represent that remark!" (though the others are innocent, he and Flow Chart*** and Jersey did provoke me earlier in the day, so I feel less bad).

So then I go in, and I'm back in the break room with Jersey, HTS(Hit That Shit), and Flow Chart. I start talking to Jersey (I was probably making my first feints already, I can't remember), but he's listening to his ipod and reading Rolling Stone at the same time.

Me: Yeah, that's right, go back to reading MY Rolling Stone and ignorring me.
Jersey: This is your Rolling Stone?
Me: Yeah, it only has my name on it.
Jersey: you're mean.
Me: Yeah.......

then I somehow get to insulting Flow Chart, and he says I'm mean too, and I say something about them both being too slow-witted to keep up with my insults.

HTS: Yeah, Flow Chart, you're kind of lobbing softballs at her over there. I feel like this is Larry King Live.
FC: I wasn't trying to insult her, I was just trying to make her feel bad.
Me: Ah, there's your flaw in logic. I don't feel bad. I'm like a sociopath, I know it's wrong but I don't care.

then Jazz Hands comes in.

Jazz Hands: so after you went by, my friend was like, "Did she just call you a monkey?"
Me: Yeah. I've been insulting everyone. I called El Camino a monkey and told IRTS that he is unwanted by society just now, too.
Jersey: why are you insulting everyone?
HTS: Why am I the only one you haven't insulted?
Me: (honestly, he had just not said anything I found mockable yet, and I probably know him the least of everyone there) *holds out my hand in the talk to the hand gesture.*
HTS: What was that?
Me: It was kind of "talk to the hand," kind of, "I couldn't really come up with a good insult."
Jersey: You gotta do "I know you are but what am I."
Me: Takes one to know one!
Jersey: same to you.... infinity!
Me: infinity times infinity!
Jersey: infinity times infinity plus one!
Me: infinity to the infinitieth power
Jersey: parentheses, to the infinitieth power
Me: paren-- aww screw it.
Jersey: I WIN!!!!!

And then Sista came in, and I also failed to insult her very well either, though I already know her weak points (alcoholism, her carnie ancestry, etc.)

Anyway work went pretty fast. Another coworker got fired, although this was not someone very close to me, and it seemed slightly more justified (he was late all the time, though this makes me worry more about Jersey, who has been late a lot lately)

One more conver:

Phoemeister: so have you ever seen 2001: a space odyssey?
Sui: Yeah
Phoemeister: you know the bit that's like, "open the pod bay door hal"
Sui: yeah
Sui: I can't do that, Dave
Phoemeister: and hals like, "no, I can't dave. dave, I can't. stop it, dave.
Phoemeister: YES
Phoemeister: thanks
Phoemeister: so, I have a coworker named Dave
Phoemeister: and he'll ask me to do something
Phoemeister: and I'll be like, "I can't do that Dave. No, I can't. This is for the best, Dave. Stop it, Dave. Don't do this, Dave. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiisy, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiisy......"
Sui: hahaha
Sui: Nice
Phoemeister: and he doesn't get it, and once I explained it to him he still did not find it funny
Sui: I would find that funny if I worked there
Phoemeister: so this new guy named Dave started
Phoemeister: and I REALLY want to do it to him too
Phoemeister: but I am wondering if it will alienate the new one and further annoy the old Dave.

Honestly, you're also lucky I don't recount the conver Double Dizzle and I had the other day where he said his wife had filmed him having sex with the Bratz, and he had made out with Diego, Dora the Explorer's cousin (but hadn't gotten any farther because he hates mexicans).

___
* new cafe chick, she seems to like doing jazz hands a lot.

** cafe guy that's been there since before I've worked at the store, whenever you say anything mean to him, he says "I represent this remark."

*** Earlier today, IRTR made some comment to me that I didn't understand, and Flow Chart explained it to me. I was like, "You guys make a great team. IRTR insults me, and then you explain them to me." Flow Chart says, "Yeah, well, I do the best I can. I left the powerpoint presentation with the flow chart at home." Then later I told Mouse about it, and he's like, "Do you like Flow Chart?". I say, "he's okay." Mouse says, "Are you going to make out with him now?" I said, "I hope not," and then realized that sounds like I have no control whatsoever on who I do or do not make out with. Though seriously: no making out with Flow Chart for me. He is old and greasy.

****Hit that Shit because both Optpri & Sista think he should hit that shit, where "shit" is "me."

The malaise seems to have worn off. The only real big thing that happened to me was THE NEW SAVES THE DAY ALBUM. I put my thoughts on it up at Karaoke Supernova.

Today sucked.

The last few days have been less than pleasant to begin with. I don't know why, but at work I've been dying to leave the whole time I'm there. And even minor things grate on my nerves...

Like, the Ladysmith Black Mambazo choir was playing on the overhead, and I've always kind of liked them. Not enough to buy anything by them, but a "this is cool once in awhile" kind of like. But it came on today and it drove me nuts. I was jumping out of my skin the whole time it was playing.

I guess I can kind of see why I was so irritable today, I got not that much sleep. For some reason I had this Phish song in my head all night, and it kept me awake. I don't think you can call yourself an insomniac unless you've spent all night with a song in your head going nuts not being able to sleep. Anyway, it was so horrible I'd be tempted to burn the Phish CD had it not been burned for me by a friend. Also I had a headache. Also I don't know why, but I was a little dizzy (I'm better now).

So I kind of felt crappy when I was doing merch, but when I spent my last two hours at register, it got infinitely worse. There was nothing to do back there in between customers, so the time stretched out forever.

Also there was this jerk customer who I wanted to wring his neck. I guess I'm kind of passive agressive with customers I hate, which is bad, but seriously. I asked him if he had our rewards card. And then he says something or other, I can't hear, and so I say "what?" and he is like, "nevermind." So then I ask him if he has the card again, and he says, "what does it cost?" and I'm like, "it's free," because the card is free. Then he's like, "No, what I'm buying." Okay, at this point I finally realize he's a jerk and trying to get through this faster, without answering me on the rewards. But do you know what? He could've stopped this a lot faster by just straight up saying on syllable, "no." Or maybe, even if he wasn't a bastard, two syllables, "no, thanks." So anyway I play dumb and am like, "Oh, I haven't totaled yet. I can't do that until I know whether or not you have a rewards card." Which is true, except obviously I know by now the jerk doesn't have one. Finally, THE KID WITH HIM says no (so at least there's some hope he'll turn out to be an okay person, not a douchebag who is rude to retail workers). I could've been extra mean and been like, "Oh, you don't have the card? Do you want one?" and insisted on explaining the ins and outs in great detail. I was tempted. THEN, when I tried to give him back his change, I go to give him the bills first, and then put the change on top of it. This is what I do to every customer. This is what everyone does to me when I'm a customer somewhere. He MOVES his hand so I can't put it in. Then I move my hand to still give it to him, and I feel like I'm the short kid in a game of keep away. FINALLY, he explains that he wants the coins first, then the bills. Which, why the hell didn't he just say that?

I dunno, maybe that wouldn't have pissed me off as much if I hadn't been in The Mood.

Also there was another winner who wouldn't get off their cell phone. HELLO I AM A HUMAN BEING. Again I'm passive agressive and ask them as many things as possible. And if they grunt at me like an animal because they won't pay enough attention to give me a real answer, I make them repeat it.

So anyway, back to The Mood, I hope it goes away. I kind of feel like I have legit reasons to feel like crap today, but I don't know why I've been feeling this way several days in a row. I'm hoping it goes away.

Positive: I sold 2 bunnies today, which brings me up to 31, yo!

I love working in the back room where no customers can hear me. Only I gots to start talking quieter. Because I probably would not want them to overhear me, and it's not exactly soundproof.

Me: *holds up a gammera(sp?) DVD* It's gammera! Only I always accidently pronounce it like Gomorrah.
Hootie: As in Sodom and?
Me: Yeah.
Hootie: Isn't it funny how Sodom sounds the same as sodomy?
Me: I think Sodom is the root word for sodomy. Because it was a sinful town, and sodomy is a sin.

*pause*

Then Hootie & I say at the exact same time--
Me: Too bad I LOVE IT!
Hootie: don't I know it!

Then Lister walks in and wants to know why we are giggling so much. And of course, I tell him he doesn't want to know. And of course, that makes him want to know more.

Me: Okay, okay, we were discussing sodomy.
Lister: *horrified expression*
Me: Hey, I didn't bring it up.
Hootie: I didn't either!
Me: Yes you did! I was like, "Look at this DVD of Gammera," and you were all, "Let's talk about sodomy!"
Hootie: I did not!
Me: Well there were a couple of steps in between but you brought it up.
Hootie: I was just saying that Sodom sounded like sodomy!
Lister: You guys are horrible!
Me: We're joking! It's not like we actually do it. I don't think it's possible for anyone to have had less sodomy than I have, because I have had no sodomy.
Lister: I don't need to know this!
Me: Wait, does having scopes and stuff up there count? Because then I have definately had some sodomy.
Lister: I am leaving now.
Me: I was unconcious during! That shouldn't count.

Here are a couple other conversations I had:

Mouse: so, are you serious about wanting to have my appartement after I leave?
Me: Yes, *hiccup* I'm *hiccup* serious.
Me: Man, it is really hard to have a serious conversation while you have the hiccups.


Hootie: Man, Lister is the grumpster today!
Me: yeah
Me: Crap, I can't figure out these new DVD keepers.
Hootie: Me neither.
*some bizarre fumbling with said DVD keepers ensues*
Me: Man, why do I feel like you and I are Larry and Curly, and Lister is Moe?

I had a couple of others but I forgot.

Oh, and the greatest thing that happened to me today is at break I opened a book I had brought to work and left in my mailbox, and much to my surprise, on the page I'd dogeared to mark my place, there was a post-it that said, "zoo off!" from Double Dizzle. It was hilarious and awesome, especially since I hadn't even known he had come in today. I'd like to stealth zoo-off him back, but I have no ideas of places to put it. PLUS, he'd probably be expecting it now.

Also funny: I left my sunglasses at work a couple days ago, and so I'd remember to take them home I put them in my pocket. I kept taking them out and putting them on and telling everyone my future is so bright I have to wear shades. Then I came across Jersey, who for some reason had his sunglasses in his pocket too. He put them on and we did the "what's up?" nod at each other. So old skool.

Wiki Birthday Meme (snagged from Phoe from Elsewhere)

Do: Go to Wikipedia, enter your birthday (month/day). List three events, two births and a death.

Events:

1792 - The Postal Service Act, establishing the United States Post Office Department, is signed by President George Washington. (I picked this one because it was the only GOOD thing that happened that wasn't so trivial no one would ever remember it. I mean, not that people are like, I know when the Postal Service Act happened! But they would be like, "Oh, yeah, mail's good. And that band the Postal Service is pretty good too.)

1962 - Mercury program: While aboard Friendship 7, John Glenn orbits the earth three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes, becoming the first American to orbit the earth. (I think this would be cool that it happened on my birthday if I'd been alive at the time. But since we did way cooler things before and since then RE: space exploration, it's kind of boring, and I don't even have any memories from when it WAS the shit that the US had done that, seeing as how I wasn't alive).

1921 - The film The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, starring Rudolph Valentino, premieres. (I've seen it, it's pretty bad. But I'm prejudiced against most silent films. I just felt it was cool I had actually seen it. The funny thing is, I wonder how important a movie has to be to be listed on these? Because obviously there's nothing like, "Dude, Where's My Car?" on the list of events, but I was a film minor, and this is not a hugely significant film).

Births:

1967 - Kurt Cobain, American musician (Nirvana) (d. 1994) (that is kind of cool. I had not known anyone actually not lame had my birthday)

1975 - Brian Littrell, American musician (Backstreet Boys) (one time I read he had the same birthday as I do, and it stuck in my head for some reason. I rarely remember his name, just that he's a backstreet boy. Also, my sister was born on the same day as one fo the New Kids On The Block, so I think it's funny that we both have boy band guys. Lastly, I think it's funny that a backstreet boy and Kurt Cobain have the same birthday)

And I couldn't resist, but I have to list out a couple others I find interesting: Patty Hearst, Wayne Gretzky's brother, Charles Barkley.

2005 - Hunter S. Thompson, American journalist and author (b. 1937) (I have never read anything of his, but I like him because the spines of his books all say HUNTER S THOMPSON in gigantic black letters, and they're easily found when a customer wants them)

So I knew I wasn't exactly a girly girl or anything, but whoa. I wore a skirt today, and everyone flipped out. I thought that reaction was a little much. I've worn skirts to work before, I just haven't been much lately seeing as how it's been WINTER, and I value not losing my legs to frostbite.

Also, a letter to clothing manufacturers:

Dear clothing manufacturers:

I GET IT. MY BUTT'S BIG. Stop rubbing it in.

Thank you.

Seriously, though, those cookie monster pants I was talking about yesterday? I got them in a large. And I'm typically a medium. And you'd think pajama pants would run a little baggy to begin with. WELL, I had to return them and get the XL. AND, even worse, there is still not enough ass room. Come on! It can't be that freakishly large! It should damn well fit into a size of XL pajama pants!

Anyway, my theory is this: you know how J Lo gets made fun of all the time because she has a big ass? Well that's because she is a skinny woman with the butt of an average woman. Well I'm an average woman with the butt of a fat woman. On top of which, I don't have very big boobs to even it out or anything. So... DAMN YOU COOKIE MONSTER PAJAMA PANTS FOR GETTING ME ONTO THIS LINE OF THINKING. I'm keeping them anyway. The XL is almost big enough, and it's not like I'm going to be showing anyone but my mailman my cookie-clad ass anytime soon anyway. But it makes me mad.

Things that have happened to me today:

1) I went shopping and I ended up with various awesome clothes at no cost to myself. One article of clothing was cookie monster pajama pants, which I'm not ashamed to say that the mail man was the first person on this planet to ever see me in. Another was a Fraggle Rock tee shirt. Optpri, I've looked at it closer, and I've decided it's Wembley, Red, and the old one.

2) At Noodles, I had literally taken my shoe off and was smelling it when the lady came to clear our stuff away. She was like, "can I clear your stuff away?" and I was like, "I'm sorry!" because I felt bad that she had to see me smell my shoe, and I think she was doubly scared of me for apologizing to her for it.

3) Ryan got a new camera phone, and I badgered him into sending me a photo of the inner workings of his nostrils. THEN, after I had it, I used the 'stril photo to blackmail him into doing my bidding, which was posing to re-create the photo of John Cusack I have on my blog. Here's how the photo shoot went:

Phoemeister: look at me furtively through the corner of your eye
Phoemeister: like you're a trained killer
Phoemeister: and you think I might be a trained killer
Phoemeister: also, your home was replaced by a minimart
Phoemeister: also, be still. it gets blurry when you move.
Ryan: YOU RUINED IT
Phoemeister: what?
Ryan: That minimart comment made me laugh.

Anyway, the one up now is moderately crappy, but he promises to try tomorrow when he has more light.

4) Optpri and Sista are now working hard to hook me up with one of the new guys at work. Sista has to train him to do some stuff, and she says she is just going to write a note on his training packet that says "Hit that shit. And by "shit" I mean "Phoe." She also says maybe she'll work on subliminal messaging such as muttering "hit that" under her breath, and if he asks her what she said, going, "I said large mocha." I get this image in my head of me just rocking out to that Offspring song, "Hit That," dancing as spastically as possible, and then her a short distance away elbowing him going, "Eh? Eh?"

The thing is, none of us have had more than one conversation with this guy. He could be a murderer of children. I don't see why they think I'm so perfect for him. But, on the other hand, beggars can't be choosers.

5) Shaft the umbrella is getting to be more problem than it's worth, which is a terrible shame. First off, if it's windy, being bigger actually doesn't help block more rain, and also makes it more likely to go all over because the wind catches it. Also, wrangling the wet umbrella back into the car liberally bespatters me and the steering wheel with water, which is pretty much not the point of having an umbrella.

So, does anyone want to go to Noodles with me?

I recently filled up my punch card, so I have a free noodles entree coming to me. I think they're discontinuing it or something, because in May the card expires or something. But for now: awesome noodletastic goodness.

Then, my sister got a buy one get one free coupon from Noodles, and passed it along to me. I'm actually using that one on Sista tonight. She broke her foot recently, so I feel that pity merits some free Noodles for her.

THEN, I opened my e-mail today. Noodles has started up a e-mail newsletter with various offers and such, and for signing up, I get a free entree at Noodles.

YES. THAT IS RIGHT. I have not one, but THREE free noodles entrees coming to myself and my loved ones. Isn't life AWESOMETASTICLY GRAND?

Today was pretty good. I sold four rabbits! I have finally overtaken Optpri in the race to sell more easter bunnies, and my lead will only continue to lengthen. MUAHAHAHAH.

Also, some random person messed up one of our jigsaw puzzles, and Kevin and I were putting it back together so that we wouldn't have to classify it as defective and throw it away, and it was hilarious. First off, this was the worst puzzle ever. Most of the pieces were shaped identically! So even if it didn't go you could fit nearly anything anywhere, so you had to really pay attention to what you were doing. I think they should rename it a "tesselation" puzzle, even though only math nerds would get that joke, and even they probably would be confused, given that I'm pretty sure I just spelled that term wrong.

It was hilarious, though, one of the newbies walked by and was like, "...so I see you two are hard at work....." Which, by the way, I have to applaud anyone who has the cojones to say that to me and a supervisor after working there barely a week. I have to say I readily approve of 2 of the three n00bs so far (the other one does not piss me off particularly, I just have not particularly warmed to him yet). This one, for saying that. The other one I am in favor of, it's for having a name in a popular song that I have insisted on singing to her and doesn't hate me for it, and moreover has started encouraging my bizarre dance moves and throwing in some of her own.

Sui: Yeah, there is some degree of seperation between me and the other people I work with
Sui: because they're all in classrooms and normally dealing with their students
Sui: and the only time they are all together and talking is at lunch time and I don't really want to spend my lunch in the teacher's lounge with them
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: that would suck
Phoemeister: (in my opinion)
Sui: Yeah
Sui: I think that also adds to it
Sui: It's not that I just don't really have the opportunity to hang out with them, I don't really want to either : P
Phoemeister: Yeah. Oh my god, when i worked at WEEK, even the people I didn't hate, I had nothing in common with
Phoemeister: they were just always talking about the most boring-ass things
Phoemeister: I have concluded that I never want to grow up
Sui: Indeed
Phoemeister: because growing up means all conversations you have have to be about taxes or gas prices or your mortgage or painting the baby's room or the new fertilizer you're using
Phoemeister: whenever I get stuck with people who talk about that type of stuff I want to stab my eye with a fork
Phoemeister: jsut so that our discussion will be, "OH MY GOD, YOU JUST STABBED YOURSELF IN THE EYE WITH A FORK"
Phoemeister: instead of, "I need to get a new riding lawnmower."
Sui: hahah

Phoemeister: you're not a bitter old man
Phoemeister: you're a bitter young man
Sui: I'm a bitter old man in a bitter young man's body
Phoemeister: it'll catch up in a few years
Phoemeister: I was actually trying to quote it's a wonderful life
Phoemeister: only I don't have it memorized
Phoemeister: true story
Sui: Haha
Sui: It's okay, neither do i
Phoemeister: who would?
Phoemeister: If you think about it, everything up till the bit with the angel is horribly depressing
Phoemeister: and then if you don't belive in angels you're like, "I'm screwed if this ever happens to me."
Sui: It is quite depressing
Sui: haha
Sui: "Every time I watch this movie, an angel gets its wings and I die a little inside"
Sui: That should be the comment on IMDB about it

So yesterday I got to take the new DVD player for a spin with The Squid and the Whale (which we rented and couldn't get it to work awhile back, but we could get other things to work, so we thought it was the DVD, not the player, but it WAS the player because it stopped playing other things as well) and Proof. Hooray for me! They were both pretty good.

Today I got to work the awesometastic early shift and carpool with awesometastic Optpri. Apparently it makes us hyper, though, and boss-boss was jokingly threatening to outlaw it because we were annoyingly goofy. But I was thinking: what is up with people who get annoyed when people are happy? All the time when I was in a good mood my sister used to get annoyed at me when we were kids just because I'd be enthusiastically happy and that somehow is annoying? Anyhoo... it was fun. We've also decided that we'd like to meet incompetant racists who are always bothering minorities, but with the wrong racial slur. She also told me her theory on ponies having angry short person syndrome (fuck you, motherfuckers!).

Speaking of Optpri, if you are reading this:

I got little tiny bug feet, I don't know what bugs eat.
Living like a bug ain't easy. My old clothes don't seem to fit me.
He is Franz Kafka! Franz Kafka!

HAHA, that will be in your head FOREVER. That is for being mean to Dave Grohl.

Also, a question for everyone reading this: you know how Larry the Cable Guy has a movie now? (if you don't, shut up. I know you're superior to me, but we have like three TV's in our house on at all times. I just cant' get away from the ads) Well it's called Health Inspecter. And he plays a Health Inspector. The question is, why would Larry The Cable Guy not, in fact, play a cable guy? I know it's tupid to make any sense of Larry the Cable Guy, but this issue really irks me.

If this conversation doesn't get me flagged for objectionable content, nothing ever will.

Sui: Haha I'm such a terrible person
Sui: You ready for this?
Sui: Now this is just a quick throw-together
life
Sui: Bare witness to my genius!
Phoemeister: that was not your best joke
Phoemeister: the bare witness thing
Phoemeister: I'm still opening the picture
Sui: But it's okay, I know
Sui: because you'd be giving a "ROFLMAO" if you had it open
Phoemeister: ROFLMAO
Sui: See? what'd I tell you?
Phoemeister: you told me!
Phoemeister: so are those people you know or random photos you found?
Sui: Just random people
Sui: I thought it would be better that way
Phoemeister: yeah
Phoemeister: in case someone finds this on your computer
Phoemeister: and are like, "MY GOD"
Phoemeister: I thought he spent all his time alone in the bathroom masturbating, not shooting up!
Sui: The dogs face is perfect
Sui: as is the old man with a million kids
Sui: and I had to throw in a flailing baby
Sui: haha
Sui: I'll probably jerk it to this later, no worries
Phoemeister: yeah, that random old guy frightened me. I seriously thought you were trying to involve child molestation into this
Phoemeister: you said, "I'm terrible" right before you said that to me, so I really thought it did involve child molestation, not just drugs
Sui Child molestation is a part of life too!
Sui: Drugs: What I do to get past the guilt
Phoemeister: you feel guilt? I thought guilt was anathema to you.
Sui: no, that's what the old man says
Phoemeister: Oh, okay
Sui: he does drugs to get past the guilt of the child mollestation
Phoemeister: you just like drugs and child molestation
Sui: At the same time!
Sui: By the time I'm done mollesting.. whoever (or whatever) I'm so high I forgot what I was doing in the first place
Sui: Guilt-free living
Phoemeister: Are you sure you don't just get high on children? "Hello, friends! Have you ever tried to snort a baby, and it was too big? How many times have you tried to inject a preschooler into your veins, but the little girl was crying too much? Well, have we got an invention for you!"
Sui: I prefer to inject my vein into preschoolers, not vice versa
Phoemeister: we are both going to hell
Phoemeister: immediately
Sui: It will be an awesome trip though
Sui: You tell him you're not done yet
Sui: And that my mother would like to see him
Phoemeister: "I still have much of your bidding to do here on earth."

Sui: Mike mentioned watching this tv series called Wonderfalls
Sui: And I read some of the quotes on IMDB
Sui: and the main character reminds me of you
Phoemeister: haha, I used to watch that
Phoemeister: it was really good
Phoemeister: why does it remind you of me though?
Sui: Yeah that's what I hear
Sui: Because she's kind of crazy, but in a usually hilarious way
Phoemeister: lol
Phoemeister: PLUS people like to canccel me ev en though I'm awesome
Phoemeister: So do you keep track of every character in everything anyone's ever said reminds them of you? Because I do, and so far it's fairly positive stuff but I admit feeling puzzled by most of it
Sui: Haha I don't know about anything and all
Sui: but some things, yes
Phoemeister: I guess the only one I've ever told you reminds me of you is Slither
Phoemeister: but you seem to understand
Sui: Yeah I think that one works
Phoemeister: but I also think it's our dynamic
Phoemeister: I think of myself as boy on a stick
Sui: I can agree to that too
Phoemeister: hooray :P
Sui: Our conversations do usually turn for "Phoe says something funny"
Sui: "Ryan says something misanthropic"
Sui: "Phoe retorts with something also funny and related to Ryans' comment"
Sui: "Ryan retorts again with something misanthropic and funny as well"

So, in case you're wondering, characters people have said remind them of me:

The main character in some book where vikings are transported to modern times and this woman has to herd them around without letting them pillage things. I was told it was the lady's inner monologue. The main character in a show called "Dead Like Me" that I've never seen. Also, inner monologue. Both of these come from Tina.

The main character from The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver. I went out and read it precisely because of this comparison, and was kind of flattered. The lady is very competant and non-spazzy and kind of down to earth cool. I am not seeing the resemblence. This was from Kin.

Some dinosaur from the movie Dinosaurs? This vague one was from Mulva. I think maybe the dinosaur was spazzy or something.

I must've forgotten any others. But now I have Wonderfalls to add to my list.