Things about my day:

1) Mouse came to work late, and he had the keys to let us in, so we had to wait around an hour. But, we're still getting paid (I think). I spent most of this time talking to Double Dizzle, which gave me some good conversational gems to share with you:

Me: I really do want to get paid for this, but I also feel kind of guilty for being paid for sitting around and talking about Zoo Tycoon with you.
DD: Dude, that's what we'd be doing anyway, if we were inside.
Me: I can't argue there.

Me: I used to be frightened of Kevin because he looks like this guy who I used to work with who was really mean to me.
DD: Who did you used to work with, Harry Potter?

DD: So Easter Sunday, I sat at home alone drinking and playing Zoo Tycoon.
Me: That is so sad.
DD: Well my wife was at work and my kid was at his grandparents.
Me: So did you invent a drinking game? Like every time Zookeeper 4 has trouble getting to the small poo, take a shot?
DD: No, it's every time Common Wildebeast 5 gives birth. And it's not a shot, it's a six pack.
Me: That's hilarious. But I bet you did it for every animal that gives birth. And like for the lion, you have two six packs because a lion has two babies at a time.

at this point, he and I are dying of laughter, and I add:

Me: that's so Zoo Tycoon humor, no one else would even find it funny. Like that Golden Retriever* joke you made earlier being only a joke someone working at Borders would get. Like, the other day I was looking at this crazy cardboard thing we have that is kind of like shelves for CD's, and was like, "This is kind of elaborate. I wonder who thinks of these. This guy must be the Sabuda** of the industrial cardboard world!"
DD: The only problem is if you mention book jokes people don't get all the time they think you're all stuck up and literary. Like my joke about doing the Oliver Twist.
Me: Eh?
DD: I never told you that? Well there used to be this movie tie in book of Oliver Twist where Oliver is in the center and these shadows are reaching out to grab him, only it looks like he's dancing with him, so I call that doing the Oliver Twist.
Me: Oh.
DD: See, you could get the wrong impression from that. You would think I'm Dickinsonian. But I'm not.

DD: I played Zoo Tycoon for like four hours. That's like 7 years of Zoo time. And it was so awesome that I wanted to call my kid out of school just to show it to him. But then when he did come home he was not that impressed. I had a whole rainforest section and stuff, and he was like, "that's cool." I was like, "That's it? Didn't you notice the profits I'm getting from my bottlenose dolphin show!"

Me: Remember the time you said that you hated all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers except for Flea and Hillel, but you'd have to have a seance to meet Hillel, and for a full seance you would have to let the rest of the Chili Peppers into your home?
DD: Yeah?
Me: That was AWESOME!

2) There was this book I had to find today called "You're Having a Baby." But our computer takes out a's and the's, so it was listed as "You're Having Baby." I found this hilarious, because I imagined you going into a restaurant and someone being like, "You're having baby!" And I insisted on telling everyone this, and making, "_____, you're having baby!" a catchphrase.

Then, we got to talking dead baby jokes, and mine was the worst! I made two different, not queasy people, physically recoil from me! It was awesome!

3) I went to Noodles for some free Noodles with Optpri! I had pesto cavatappi, and it was awesome. It renews my love for Noodles so much, because I was actually getting a little tired of teh admittedly awesome, but frequently had (by me) mac & cheese.

Also, I have some conversational gems from Optpri:

Optpri: So Elaine, Renegade***, and I were having an off color discussion, and Renegade said, "Man, what if Phoe walks in? She'll be so embarassed." And I was like, "Are you kidding me? Phoe is a filthy dirty filthy perv." And he was like, "I don't know, Double Dizzle and I were talking about something the other day, and she got pinker and pinker." I said, "I think she has a blushing reflex or something, but she is a huge filthy perv." And then Elaine was like, "Yeah, she is." Then he wanted to know about some of the pervy things you've said, but I thought it would be bad to go around telling him stuff about Satan's penis or the stuff on your blog without permission.

Optpri: So how did we get onto talking about sex with robots again? (this is after her describing to me a video for a song entitled "metal fingers inside me" and I in turn tell her a line from a book where a guy gets stuck in a robot prostitute, "it's like I was caught in a milking machine!")

Optpri: I think weird looking guys are hot. Like Dennis Hopper.
Me: Um, not so much weird looking as very, very angry.
Optpri: I prefer the term "unbalanced."


____
* the discussion about Kevin involved him knowing a lot about movies, Double Dizzle said he was "the golden retriever" which is a name of a book about movies we carry.

** Robert Sabuda is this dude who makes these very fancy, elaborate pop-up children's books.

*** Horribly, but hilariously, this coworker's term for the differently abled is "renegades."