Things that have happened to me today:

1) I went shopping and I ended up with various awesome clothes at no cost to myself. One article of clothing was cookie monster pajama pants, which I'm not ashamed to say that the mail man was the first person on this planet to ever see me in. Another was a Fraggle Rock tee shirt. Optpri, I've looked at it closer, and I've decided it's Wembley, Red, and the old one.

2) At Noodles, I had literally taken my shoe off and was smelling it when the lady came to clear our stuff away. She was like, "can I clear your stuff away?" and I was like, "I'm sorry!" because I felt bad that she had to see me smell my shoe, and I think she was doubly scared of me for apologizing to her for it.

3) Ryan got a new camera phone, and I badgered him into sending me a photo of the inner workings of his nostrils. THEN, after I had it, I used the 'stril photo to blackmail him into doing my bidding, which was posing to re-create the photo of John Cusack I have on my blog. Here's how the photo shoot went:

Phoemeister: look at me furtively through the corner of your eye
Phoemeister: like you're a trained killer
Phoemeister: and you think I might be a trained killer
Phoemeister: also, your home was replaced by a minimart
Phoemeister: also, be still. it gets blurry when you move.
Ryan: YOU RUINED IT
Phoemeister: what?
Ryan: That minimart comment made me laugh.

Anyway, the one up now is moderately crappy, but he promises to try tomorrow when he has more light.

4) Optpri and Sista are now working hard to hook me up with one of the new guys at work. Sista has to train him to do some stuff, and she says she is just going to write a note on his training packet that says "Hit that shit. And by "shit" I mean "Phoe." She also says maybe she'll work on subliminal messaging such as muttering "hit that" under her breath, and if he asks her what she said, going, "I said large mocha." I get this image in my head of me just rocking out to that Offspring song, "Hit That," dancing as spastically as possible, and then her a short distance away elbowing him going, "Eh? Eh?"

The thing is, none of us have had more than one conversation with this guy. He could be a murderer of children. I don't see why they think I'm so perfect for him. But, on the other hand, beggars can't be choosers.

5) Shaft the umbrella is getting to be more problem than it's worth, which is a terrible shame. First off, if it's windy, being bigger actually doesn't help block more rain, and also makes it more likely to go all over because the wind catches it. Also, wrangling the wet umbrella back into the car liberally bespatters me and the steering wheel with water, which is pretty much not the point of having an umbrella.