BEST E-MAIL EVER (from my sister)

Hey, I had a weird dream last night. I don't remember all the details, but...

you were pregnant and the father was the quarterback for the ISU football team (I don't even know his name). You were going to go tell him. But, the doctors were worried that you'd have trouble being pregnant because of all your stomach problems.

Weird, huh?

dude, the Strokes are really reminding me of Wanda.

That's part of the reason I didn't get the album immediately after I came back from the trip. Getting a CD and playing it over and over sort of dilutes the memories you have tied up in it.

But it just....floods back.

Like this conversation:

Wanda: *talking to a particularly strange/somewhat pervy guy named Kevin on the internet* Phoe's finally here!
Me: *reading the title of a Bloodhound Gang album of Wanda's* Hooray for boobies!
Kevin: How is she?
Wanda: She just said, "Hooray for boobies!"

Okay....after typing that out, it kind of became one of those "you had to have been there" things.

But I remember so many other things.... The way Wanda sung along to music, especially the lines "and I don't know why!" "Go go go go!" "I took too many varieties," and various Presidents songs. Deciding someone should make a music video with dorks like us lip synching to the song, complete with air guitar, headbanging, fake mess ups and cursing. Laying on her bed, browsing "The Mullet: Haircut of the Gods" and various and sundry Red Dwarf books. Having English Big Brother explained to me. My first taste of Fanta. Her mother, like all friends' mothers I've ever met, desperately trying to find something to make that I'll eat. My first chuckle at dirty King Adora lyrics. Naming Kevin "boll weevil." Her brooklyn accent "coffee." Showing her how to do "libary" hick-like, and her doing it southern belle-like. Sharing my Forrest Gump impression, Bobby's World's Mom impression, her sharing "coun'ry" english accent and welsh accent. Her disturbing enjoyment of Hello Kitty. Clothes shopping. Feeling like a jackass when confronted with my inability to flush low pressure English toilets. Throwing up in one of said toilets as my very first act at her house. Listening to No Doubt, Offspring, and REM in the family car. Foriegn cows. The first time she proudly buffed her nails on her shirt after reading *buffs nails proudly* on the AIM screen from her for years. Seeing my first cathedral. Camden market--competes with St. Paul's cathedral for my best english memory. The sights, the smells--the sounds especially. Foreign, Indian-sounding music coming out of a lot of stalls. Nirvana in one stall. Paperback writer, just to make the experience authentically english, from another. One store playing Offspring's "Americana." No crappy pop music whatsoever. The first sight of my Mulletproof T-shirt. Ordering water at pizza hut to try and make it cheaper on Wanda's mom, ending up with a 3 pound bottle of water and a confusing discussion with the waitress about still vs. sparkling, and what plain cheese pizza is called. Forbidden Planet, in which we decided Kevin from up above would wet himself and die if he ever visited, hell, I almost did so, it was that great. We went twice. I bought a couple books--I wanted to buy more. And I wanted to buy all their videos, but took none because of the incompatibility of british vcr's. My first tube ride. That guy on the bus who felt compelled to list out everything he knew about America to me. Talking while waiting for the bus. Discussing how stressed out some woman on the PA at heathrow sounded. Telling her that I was going to buy her a huge bag of jerky at O'Hare before I remembered she was vegetarian. The first time I saw her, not sure if it was her, trying not to freak her out if it actually was someone else. Border's books, where I bought even more. The place was so huge that they had the most minute categories. Reading Wanda's animal avatars book, and deciding the most accurate avatar was her ex's, the description being "unintelligent copying of what others have to say." Buying King Adora at a music store, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers in another music store, discussing a crush she had on a music store clerk at yet another music store. Calling her up in the distinctive red telephone booths, or getting a call from her in the common area, babbling on and on about what I've seen, the other members of my group, whining about mumbler. Listening to the bloodhound gang. Being frightened that we had ran out of things to talk about, being reassured that "the british don't feel compelled to talk all the time." This great bookstore at St. Albans. A great knicknack store at st albans. Making Wanda find a bathroom for me at St. Albans, ending up in this place with (literally) tracing paper for toilet paper. Having lunch in a cobblestoney courtyard at St. Albans, being blown away at how my coke can has ads for World Cup tickets instead of Six Flags tickets. A burning hot day prowling around Covent Garden. Watching Spiderman on the hugest screen I've ever watched a movie on. Watching Wayne's World for the first time ever at her house, complete with Bohemian Rhapsody intro. Painting our nails together. The drunk people outside my window that one night. Being excited by seeing foreign "capri-sonne" in the grocery store on her block. Asking her the names of the species of english trees as we passed them. Her confession that she presses the buttons to make the lights turn red even when there's no cars around in hopes that it screws over a car that comes later. Passing through Hatfield on the bus, and having it hit me that it's the "Shatfield" she's always talking about.

Reading this back, I sound very stalkeresque. Actually, I wrote them down, because I don't want to forget them when The Strokes cease to evoke these memories. Especially since Wanda's too busy for me now that she's in college, and though we talked about it at one time: I would probably never be able to host her the way she did me. And Talia's too busy for me now that she has her man. My high school friends are gone, my best friend of my college years hates me..... I've been feeling pretty lonely.

I've been dreaming a lot lately. Last night I had a dream where I tried to explain to Wanda why I have five cases (less now, I actually bought all of this some time ago) of Fanta but don't want to drink it. The reason is that I fell in love with Fanta when I was in England, so when there was this sale on it, where you had to buy five cases to get the discount, I authorized my mom to go and get it. Unfortunately, when I opened my first can, prepared to be taken into a fizzy orange paradise, I discovered American Fanta tastes like every other crappy orange soda I've ever tasted (day glo orange, too sugary) as opposed to British Fanta which is as removed from regular orange soda as grape soda is from sparkling grape juice. For some reason, Wanda couldn't understand this, and I kept having to explain. I have no idea why I dreamed about this, the whole Fanta-buying disappointment happened in August or September.

Anyway, the main reason I got on just now is to bitch about my mother, as usual. I mean, yesterday was great. My family always seems to pull it together for holidays. I just wonder why we can't always behave. Anyway, she's all upset today because she feels that my sister snubbed her by returning the calendar mom got her, and keeping the calendar her mother-in-law got her. Mom especially feels snubbed because it is a tradition that she gets us each a calendar every year. My sis's excuse for returning hers and not her mother-in-law's (which is probably true) is that she got that calendar a day earlier than Mom's, and started writing in it. Mom feels that this is a dumb excuse because my sister knows that Mom gets her a calendar every year. This situation is further inflamed by the fact that mom hates my sis's mother-in-law with the fire from a thousand suns. The hate is pretty much caused by jealousy ("she's trying to steal her from me!"), and a few other "snubs" that the mother-in-law supposedly gave Mom, that are pretty much dumb.

See, it all boils down to this: every time anyone does anything stupid, mom views it not as stupid, but as a malicious effort to make her feel bad. The mother-in-law didn't offer to send any cake home with us after some dumb party they both helped at, she must have done it on purpose. My sister returns her calendar, she must have done it on purpose because she likes her mother in law better than mom. etc. so on.

Anyway, mom's being unbearable about the whole thing. And I hate it when she does stuff like that to my sister, because I know how it feels to have her doing stuff like that to me. So I sort of took up my sister's side (which I shouldn't, because no one in the damn family ever takes my side, they're too concerned about mom getting mad at them), and now she's all guilting me out. Sometimes I just want to smack the woman.

Also: Note to self: If and when you ever find a boyfriend, never give the slightest indication of liking his mom around mom.

Second note to self: Hold off on boyfriend meeting mom until you have him firmly in the bag. If he meets mom too soon, he'll be likely to realize that 1) if he marries me, he'll automatically get the mother in law from hell 2) I might turn into her some day, and run.

Third note to self: get a boyfriend who faithfully promises to bitch-slap me every time I say something mom-esque, as a measure to prevent my turning into mom.

I amend the previous post. Playing in teams makes The Game a lot less satanic than playing individually against each other. My sister and dad played against me and my brother-in-law (I called him as a teammate the minute he walked in the door because the man is a walking sports encyclopedia, which is my worst point). We were winning for awhile, but my Dad and Sis closed the gap and won before us. And this all happened in an hour or less, one fourth of the time it took last night.

Besides IBS, Christmas has been pretty good this year. We bonded, etc. And materialist/capitalist pig that I am, I have to mention that I got quite a lot of good schtuff. Right now: I'm listening to my new The Strokes Is This It? CD. It reminds me of Wanda, because we listened to her copy of it over and over when I was there. I haven't talked to her in awhile, so: If you read this, Merry Christmas, ho! Or solstice, anyway. But I bet you still celebrate Christmas secularly...... so..... I guess I didn't have a point, there.

And Feliz Navidad to everyone else. Because I really like that song, especially the Veggie Tales version, which includes a tuba solo, and a snappy bit of chicken dance tune amongst the action.

Trivial Pursuit 20th anniversary edition is The Devil.¹

For Christmas Eve, I always get to open one present, and the present I opened was the aforementioned Game (if you say the name outright, it practically gives a demon a stamped invitation to steal your very soul, so from now on: it shall be referred to as The Game).

I asked for The Game because my Dad always smokes me at regular TP. I figure this is because regular TP is always asking these dumb questions, like about movies from 30 years ago, putting me at a disadvantage to people who were alive 30 years ago. I figure The Game remedies this, because it's about the last 20 years: all time I've been alive. Sure, I'm a bit fuzzy on the Reagan years, seeing as how I was an infant, but still, a mighty leveler.

So I opened The Game, and three and a half hours later²--my mom still has no pieces. She starts rampantly cheating, which I, frankly, encourage. I myself--have three pieces, and eventually start cheating. My Dad has all pieces, but can't win, even with us letting him pick whatever he wants when he gets to the center. Mom won't let him really cheat (which I suggested, to end the game sooner) because he always beats us at Trivial Pursuit, and she gets tired of it.

After about four hours², my Dad just leaves, and Mom and I stop playing.

I have to wonder how regular people play this game. I am not kidding when I say my family is Trivia GODS. I am a master of useless information. I used to compete in Scholastic Bowl (jeopardy-esque game), I was literally the best player on my school's team, and had to be in the top twenty in our region. And my Dad is so good at trivia that it makes me look like a moron, trivia-wise. My mom is rairly decent at trivia, too³. If we can't get this game played in four hours, even with cheating, what do people with actual lives do?


Though--I grudgingly admit to some good points to The Game:


1) After two or three hours of The Game, my Mom and I got to that point where EVERYTHING seems hilariously funny. We laughed and laughed, and laughed some more. My sides hurt. Did you know Ronald Reagan used to call his wife "Nancy Pants"? Good stuff.

2) I get the feeling it would be a really fun game to play while drunk, drinking enhancing the feelings mentioned in point 1. You could probably even make it into a drinking game. "Do a shot every time they mention one of the Reagans, Madonna, or one of the Collins sisters." and you would be drunk pretty quickly. Damn you Satan, drawing us nearer to liquor using Trivial Pursuit.


Otherwise, Christmas Eve: Pretty good. Dad and I had lunch at Pizza Hut, and I applied for summer work at his company. Yea, summer work. I don't know if I want to work for a company so anal that it makes you apply for summer work in the middle of work. Well, actually I do. I'm poor. And it would probably be a good job.

We also had Fondue (the version where you dip things in hot grease--my arteries are sad, but I am happy) for dinner. We actually hadn't had fondue for several years, but I begged my mom for it, so she made it.

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¹ Well, really all Trivial Pursuit is the Devil. I mean, there's some law that someone else always gets all the questions you know go to someone else. This law even applies against the people you play with. So you can't get through the game without hearing (and probably saying it yourself, though you KNOW you don't want to say it, because you say it every damn time you play the game and have to hear others say it every damn time you play the game)
"You get all the good questions!" "Why can't I get any good questions?" "Someone else always gets the questions I know. Yet, this is the game my family plays most often, because it kind of sucks the least of most of our other games.

² This includes a brief pie break

³ Though I was damned shocked to learn that neither of them had any idea who Paula Jones is. Next thing you know, they'll forget about Elian Gonzales or Enron or something.

I had this dream the other night that I fell in love with this guy who looked exactly like Elijah Wood, only he wasn't Elijah Wood. And he had all these friends who looked down on me, and he gave them up for me. Even the one that was a transvestite. And then we went swimming, and discussed how great this one type of cloth was.

My dreams usually have a lot of weird little details like that.

I had another dream last night, that didn't really have all the weirdness, where Ed from the England trip and I were in love. It was sort of weird, in that I've given up being friends with Ed, much less anything further.

Anyway, I find these dreams strange. I don't usually have love dreams (or even sex dreams, I don't think I've ever even kissed anyone in a dream. Probably because not even my subconcious could fabricate a proper kiss, seeing as how i'm a loser 20 year old who has never been out on a date), and I hadn't really thought of Ed in a long while. Though, Elijah can probably be explained by my eagerness to see The Two Towers. I mean, I had a dream where I was riding on the subway with Sir Ian McKellan the night after I saw the first trailer for the movie.

Anyway, it's also depressing. For certain reasons (pretty much mentioned up above) it is agonizingly depressing to wake up all alone after these dreams.

Oh, and my mom is getting on my nerves. She was really nice to me at first, (in part, I think, because I am so sick) but now she has the proverbial cow at the slightest things.

And being sick sucks. Sucks sucks sucks. Tonight, pray to God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, Spiderman, whoever you worship and be like, "Thank you for not making me as sick as this girl. And, if you have energy left over after preventing these problems in me, please cure hers. Good day."

I added "good day" at the end of that because I was in a very Paul Harvey mood. Does anyone else remember Paul Harvey? "And that's the rest of the story. I'm Paul Harvey. Good day."

I mention the Hannukah song once and I get 40 bazillion hits for it.

Then, I was feeling rather wholesome, because I got hits for "spongebob bedsheets" and "Paul Bunion Disney." The latter especially tickles me, as I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on this planet who has any idea what I'm talking about. The former kind of annoys me because I mention Spongebob once, to make fun of some cd featuring him on Ebay, and now I get wall to wall hits on it. (though I realize mentioning it again now only worsens it :P)

Then, I realized I am all about celebrity "pron" because I got hits for: Matt Damon Naked, Jude Law Naked, and (disturbingly) Billy Corgan naked.

also: someone wanting to know "suicide how to hang yourself properly" found me.

Logs are fun.

I went to have lunch with my sister at work today, it was nice. I think she appreciates my visits--mom doesn't visit her ever.

Speaking of my mom--Annoying lately. Talking to EVERYONE SHE KNOWS on the phone, telling them the exact colonoscopy (read: shoving a scope up my ass after shoving lots of laxatives down my throat) procedure. When I told her I don't want to have to hear/think about it until time. I mean, she doesn't even bother to go into another room, where I can't hear her. It annoys me, and I also have to wonder if all of these people want to know every damn detail of the procedure. And she always manages to get in her (seemingly pre-rehearsed) spiel how she's so great because they were going to make me have the procedure the day after christmas (meaning I'd have to start on the laxatives ON Christmas) but she made them wait until January 2. It was nice of her, but some of the niceness is being taken out by the fact that she's bragging to everyone about how nice she is.

Oh, here is something nice she did for me lately: She got me this really nice chapstick. I actually really liked it that she did this, because it was sort of a "I thought of you while I was out shopping/just because" gift. I like those more than stuff like christmas, because even though "just because" gifts are sort of rinky-dink, they're nice because they're unexpected, and it lets you know you're not forgotten.

Oh, and I got to see Star Trek: Nemesis yesterday. ***Spoilers Follow***

I liked it, except for the whole Data thing. If he was dead for good, I'd be REALLY pissed, as it is I'm kind of annoyed because I know that they're going to rig B4 somehow to be him later. This annoys me because 1) Earlier on in the movie, Data himself is all "B4 and I are not the same, to reassure Picard of his personal identity when confronted with his clone. 2) It's a dumb plot twist because everyone knows that they're going to rig B4 into Data. 3) It's been done. They've already explored the whole "die and then come back" thing with Spock. Why attempt to re-do it?

Yes, I know, I am such a star trek nerd. Oh well :P

I am so boring. The only thing I've done since classes got out is poop all day every day. Oh, and eat. (because that's where poop comes from)

Oh, here is something cool, I found (yet another) great online comic to follow. It kind of reminds me of mine, only mine aren't as good.

Stanky Water

Life sucks.

I went to the digestive specialist (or whatever they call those people) today. What did I learn?

As mumbler would say, "A whole lot of nothing." Basically, they're going to scope me. And if I were more Irish, I could have some allergy to grain. Only I'm of german heritage. So....yea.

Anyway, I really don't want to have the scope, AND he won't give me any medicine until after I get scoped AND I can't get scoped until January 2. Happy New Year to me.

Oh, and by the way, I OWN the Anthropology Final I just took. It's my bitch! I rule! *manly grunting and such**

I'm pretty sure the com theory final that I hie myself away to in less than a half hour will kill me though. Mainly because I skipped the last two class periods and never read the book and I haven't studied. But that's my fault. Except for the skipping. That, I blame on the chronic diahrea. But I could've popped a book at some point, certainly.

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* Women can manly grunt too. Because I say so

Battleship

This is my proud, crowning achievement. Yes, a rinky-dink version of the game battleship that I wrote for class.

Someday I plan to change "Darn it, you sunk my cruiser" to "Several of my relatives were on that cruiser! I'm going to hunt you down and kill you and everything you hold dear."

Someday.

I am sick, sick, sick as a dog. The night before last, I had to get up and go to the toilet at least 4 times. And to add insult to injury, I had Adam Sandler's Hannukah song in my head EVERY damn time.* And that's probably the least of my problems. I hope I can sit through my finals (next week) all the way. I'm finally seeing the stupid stomach doctor who wants to scope me next week after finals, i hope he can help.

Last night my mom and I bought off some of my balance. For someone who started out so hostile to the idea, she LOVES it now, she keeps pressing me to do more, though I'm a little worried that if we keep up the spending, I'll not have enough to last me out till the very end. One nice thing was that afterwards we went out to eat. I had steak. I decided that I'd rather have steak make me feel horrible all night than dining center food.
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* Usually I like the Hannukah Song, but you can't imagine how annoying it is when you're in pain, spending seemingly hours on the toilet. Especially since I didn't have the whole song in my head, just the part about Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock OVER and OVER. Sidenote about the Hannukah Song--our radio tries to make it so you can't hear "marijuanica." That makes me laugh. But what makes me laugh more is the fact that the bluring thing they usually do, switched "Marijuanica" to "Marijuana." HONEST. They are trying to make it so little kids don't here "marijuanica" and they end up playing "marijuana." Ha ha.

I've had a pretty bad few days. Every spare minute of my time has been spent either programming or on the toilet. That's like, my hell. My program is pissing me off, and my stomach's killing me. And, annoyingly, I'm still hungry, so I end up eating, which I hate because I know every bite I take is going to come out again the hard way.

Today, bad sleep-wise as well. Not only did I have to get up for an IBS toilet stop, but I was woke up twice by these stupid ISU landscaping vehicles that beep REALLY loudly when they back up, and some nut called me twice before I disconnected the phone. The nut couuuld be my mom, because she doesn't like leaving a message on my machine, but she knows by now that I screen, so she probably would say something, at least. So... that's five wake ups in all.

Oh, and sidenote, this says we're going to switch to colored money. This pisses me off because I don't want any wussy european-like colored money. I want my greenback. And, this is the part I object more to, they just changed our money not too long ago. The guys got bigger heads. It's going to take millions of dollars to put in the color. It took millions of dollars to give them big heads. Why couldn't they have just done both at once, it would've been tremendously cheaper. And why DO they spend so much money on changing our money? It took millions of dollars to make that stupid Sacajawea(I know I can't spell it) dollar, and no one uses it anyway. Plus, they mess up vending machines. It took millions of dollars for those stupid state quarters, and they aren't even properly circulating because everyone's collecting them. What's the damn point? I want my tax money to actually HELP PEOPLE rather than go into constantly re-designing our money.

Do I have a friggin' psychic connection? I am pretty freaked out, I just checked my e-mail and had this e-mail from Sib in my inbox:

Though we cannot be friends, I did want you to know that I am doing well, I have no hard feelings, and I wish you only the best in the future.

As well as being freaked out because it came after the post I just made, I'm kind of like "what the hell?" If she has no hard feelings, why can't we be friends?

Oh well. I suppose it's better than having her in a bunker somewhere making voodoo dolls of me. And I hope she has a nice life too.

I keep having these dreams where Sib and I make up and are friends again. When I wake up, its really depressing. For awhile now, I have been thinking of sending her a letter. The gist of it would be: I think I made the right decision, but I'm really sorry about how I handled the situation, I miss you, let's make up. P.S. The reason why this letter is so long after the fact is I thought if I didn't give you time to cool off, you would rip me a new one.

Probably a bad idea, I don't know if I'm going to do it. *long suffering sigh*

In the middle of the night last night I woke up with 24 hour flu-like symptoms.

And I hoped it was flu. That way, there would be a freakin' good reason for once, why my stomach wants to kill me.

But alas, no.

I saw 3 and a half hours of Whose Line is it Anyway? today. What cracks me up is it's on ABC "family," but Ryan Stiles said 'penis' not once, but twice during my three and a half hours of viewing.

Long story.

I love that feeling you get in the back of your throat after you've been laughing a whole lot.

My high school friend and I had SO much fun. It's weird, after I have just hung out with her, I miss her even more than I have when I haven't seen her for months.

2 new comics. I dedicate them to you, Pablo.

And to Kin, since they're from a conver we had last night :P

Ugh, I'm so annoyed--I did a mass com worksheet last night and forgot to bring it TO class today. D'OH.

Interesting incident, though: I sort of made aquaintances with a girl next to me in class. We bonded through doodling. First, she complimented my doodling. Then we exchanged some other small talk. Then, and this blows me away, she started doodling like how I doodle! Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, because I felt awesome. I love it when I do stuff and other people copy. It's like, I may not make the biggest mark on the world, but after I'm gone, maybe there'll be someone who doodles like me, or says "libary" like me, or does my "shocked expression." Okay, I doubt people will do that stuff taht long. But it still is nice to invent something that other people think is worth using.

"bunny bunny" I got that call last night, I was actually in, but since I screen, they left that iiiinteresting phone message for me.

I still can't stop thinking of Star Trek: Nemesis. It damn well better be good, or else I will be psychologically crippled for the rest of my days.

I've decided the reason I'm so excited is that Star Trek is not just a show for me, it is ingrained into the fabric of my life. Wait....that sounds like a cotton commercial. Anyway, not only do I get the surface enjoyment of the Trek, but I get the warm fuzzy feeling I get from back when I was little, and my Dad and I watched Next Generation together. Or later, when my parents let me stay up late one day a week so that I could see Voyager.

Star Trek was a part of our family. Does anyone (I know I'm an incredible dork) remember the episode where everyone's tired, but they don't know why? And then they find out these aliens from another dimension were abducting them in their sleep the whole time, and performing experiments on them. Like, they broke Worf's arm, and then put it back together, but it was off by .3 microns! Anyway, after that, whenever anyone in the family had an unexplainable bruise (quite a lot, actually) we'd claim that "the click-click aliens abuducted us in our sleep!" (The aliens made clicking noises) We still do that from time to time.

My sister used to cover her ears in dark hallways for years when she was little, because she thought Khan's earwigs would get her. I was creeped out by the earwigs as well. But we all loved the fourth movie, with the whales, and Spock wearing that ridiculous headband to hide the pointy ears.

To annoy us, my dad would call me and my sister by titles given to aliens in Star Trek. Daimon (Ferengi), Gul (Cardassian). Then we'd be like, "No! You're Daimon Daddy! or "No, it is YOU who is Gul Dad!" And he'd throw crabapples at us. Red were phasers, green were photon torpedos, because that's the actual colors of phasers and photon torpedos, and the green ones were bigger, just like photon torpedos were better weapons. There was logic.

So...uh....that's why I can't wait to see Nemesis

It's weird how site stats make you realize how strangely obsessed people on the net are with things. I mean, I knew porn. So all the ponr I get, not that weird. But, I swear, since I mentioned my youthful shag, I have gotten nonstop shag hits. Dude, the shag sucks, unless you're Florence Henderson circa Brady Bunch times. If you want to go crappy/tacky/ugly, just skip shag all together, and go for a mullet, man.

Second most surprising: all the vapo rub hits I get. Especially the vaporub + fungus ones.

Third: the band Matt's Dad's Basement should get their own website, because I'm getting all of their traffic.

Fourth: Why am I getting all the Spongebob Squarepants hits? I only like mentioned him once, and now I'm like, the leading authority.

Fifth: Ditto for the lead singer of Sum 41

Sixth: "Minerva Impression Crack" constantly. Usually on foriegn search engines

Seventh: That song in the mitsubishi commercials

Eighth: those AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL pants with "Bootylicious" written on them. I hope someone searches on it and finds this post and reads it, so I can insult them like this: YOU ARE A MORON. THOSE PANTS WITH BOOTYLICIOUS WRITTEN ON THE ASS ARE THE TACKIEST TASTELESS PIECE OF CRAP I'VE EVER SEEN, AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED AT YOURSELF FOR DOING A SEARCH FOR THEM. Ha.

Anyway, here are the funniest lately:

#3 on yahoo for: Redneck Keychains

Mebbe you can find them at the libary. (get it? Libary?)

#6 on german google for: Klingon+fantasy-swords

Dude, that's so uncool. Klingons don't have swords, they have batleths. Duh.

The corn field girl is in town for thanksgiving break, and we're going to hang out soon. I think this is awesome.... We aren't hugely close, sometimes it gets awkward, but I really love the fact that she's the one friend I had in high school that still hangs out with me, and doesn't act like I'm a leper because I go to ISU. Plus, it's awesome in the way we play off of each other in our goofiness. Also, if I make a stupid joke, she goes with it instead of acting too cool for me and my stupid jokes.

Also: I am SOOO excited. They've started putting out ads for the new Star Trek movie. AWESOME. I mean, a lot of dorky movies have/will come out this year, but THIS is the one I'm really excited about. Lotr, Ep II, Spiderman...... But Ep II blew. And Spiderman could never hold a candle to Star Trek. LotR comes closer....... but it's Star Trek: Nemisis all the way for me! Do you know the last time I was this excited about a movie?

When Star Trek: Insurrection came out!* I was still in high school back then, and on the dry erase boards in all of my classrooms I wrote: Countdown to Star Trek: Insurrection (number of days until insurrection). Sometimes I even added "Resistance Will Be Futile." under it, even though that one didn't have borg in it. I really annoyed some people, it was all I could talk about.

Anyway: really excited now that they've started showing the ads for Nemisis. I am sort of sad, though, that they're being so slow in coming out with them/the rumors that this is to be the last. I mean, the next generation crew started out older than the original crew in the first place, and on top of that, it ran way longer, so they probably won't be able to make them too much longer. And honestly, except for IV, the Next Generation movies are WAY better than the originals. And something tells me they won't make any movies off of DS9, Voyager, or the new sucky Star Trek (Enterprise), because none of them are near as popular as the first two. D'oh. Why doesn't the world revolve around my tastes?


*if it came out after ep 1. Then that was the last one I was way excited about. I didn't know that it sucked yet. At least Insurrection turned out well.

I know I'm a total hypocrite, because I don't even like talking to my mom in the first place, but it KILLS ME how much more she and my sister talk. Hours and hours. The slightest thing happens, and my mom is all like, "Oh, I have to call up sis." And mom's always insisting on driving her places. Which, that one I don't have to envy, because she does it to me too. But my sister lives fifteen minutes away and has her own car, so I'm like, "what's up wit dat, yo?"

Anyway, the bastards at ISU are making it so that we don't get refund or carry-over on the leftover money on our meal plan. Since I'm a pansy who goes home every weekend, I have a substantial amount of money left. So, my goal is to, right before the end of the semester, buy as much storable crap as possible and bring it home. Anyway, I wouldn't touch the food at the dining center with a ten foot pole when I'm not in school, I'm so sick of all of it. So my natural progression is to ask my mom and dad if they want anything. Like, bottled water. My mom is one of those freaks who buy water. I'm sorry to say this, but every person on earth who buys bottled water when they have the choice of tap water is a MORON. But anyway, I'd rather pass on ISU's premium bottled water (bottled in Chicago, which just proves my point about it not being any better or coming from a glacier or anything) to my mom, than get nothing out of the rest of that money I have left. (which, mom and dad should be glad I do this, it is their money, not mine, being wasted if I don't buy any of this crap)

So anyway, she called me last night to tell me that since my sister's having foot surgery, my mom will be at her house instead of our house when I call her to pick me up. Anyway, I start to tell her about all the crap in the cafeteria she has the option of having, and she was such a jerk. First, she tried to convince me that ISU gives me a refund, which they USED TO, and I already explained to her it was a change, that I see people buying whole cases of fruitopia every day now trying to use up their limit, that I even looked at ISU's website to make sure of this, and she's still a bit hesitant to believe me. Anyway, she cuts me off, saying it was time for ER, and she didn't want to talk about it right now.

I was SO PISSED. I mean, everybody hates to be shushed during TV programs, or told later because of TV programs. But, then again, everyone hates to be bothered during TV programs, so I can see where she'd be coming from, if I called her up in the middle of ER. But no, she called me during ER, purposely so we wouldn't have more than 3 minutes to talk. She yaks for hours about nothing to my sister. She passes around news to her that I only know if I happen to be eavesdropping on their phone calls. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I don't even like the woman most of the time, but it kills me that she loves my sister more than me. It doubly kills me that she like, loves my sister's DOG more than me. But that's another story.

I mean, we haven't had a major fight in ages, we bonded last week over me finding a Bon Jovi CD for her. And she can't even sit there long enough to find out what they have at the cafeteria that she might like? I guess she just likes repeating the same sentence with different wording over and over with me going "uh-huh, uh-huh" over and over more than letting me get a word in, in a real conversation about something that halfway affects her.

I enjoy Mie's response to my last post:

Well, having strippers thrown at you or Waterworld? Hmmmm.. Waterworld!! Cause Waterworld ROCKS!!!

Wow, I thought I was the only one who had such devotion to Waterworld.

I'm kind of depressed lately. All I ever do is watch TV.

Anyway, I had my first social encounter in weeks today, Igraine and I ate at Avanti's. It was awesome, especially the chlaymidia jokes and paying for our entire meal entirely in change.

I was a little sad, she was going out later with some of the others from the london trip, and invited me to come along too. But it was something involving a stripper. I thought of coming along anyway, just to get out. But it was 5 bucks (I'm really hard up for cash) and I knew, just KNEW someone would be a jerk and be all "Phoe's prudish. Let's make the guy grind right in her face" or some other crap. So I'm here at home. Watching Waterworld for the 80th time.

She invited me to visit her in Chicago over break. ....I should brush up on my interstate driving first, but that would be awesome.

Funny search requests:

I'm now #6 on google for: "classy porn"

AWESOME. I can't believe I'm so classy!

google #4 for: shag hairstyle gallery

again, awesome. I am nothing if not here to provide nothing but the finest quality shag hairstyle gallery in the world! muahaha!

And then all these ones involving "Stuckeyville" which makes me think they're about Ed.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have a new RA.

RA's put all sorts of crap up in the bathroom stalls. My old RA put up stuff from magazines.

Today, I found out about the new RA.

Today, I went to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I found that she put up Sinfest up in there.

At the first possible opportunity, I'm going to beg the new RA to be my best friend.

My day has not been so great. I hate to be one of those old ladies who gripes about their diseases constantly, but I am SO SO SO goddamn fucking sick of being sick. Lately, all day I feel like crap. Or crapPING, to be more specific. I am so so so so so tired of it. I just want to be better.

Aside from that........? Well, I had a test in Mass Com today. When I was at Anthro, the class I have before that, I realized I had no pencils to fill out the scantron with. And dude, I bought pencils specifically for this purpose last week. I even had them in my backpack yesterday, but must've taken them out after my Intro to Com Theory test, for no freaking reason. Anyway, I don't have time to go back to my place to get pencils in between anthro and Mass Com.

So I went to the nearby University Bookstore to buy some. It took me forever in line to buy them, and I was only behind this one guy. But he was being all chatty, and had bought a million things. I hate lines like that. At least if there's a lot of people and it moves fast, you can see how progress is being made. But one guy standing there forever telling the cashier who he bought each thing for, while I'm standing there holding one freaking pack of pencils, just drives me up a wall.

Then, of course, I leave my CD player there, in this cubby where they make you put your backpack before going in. Honestly, that thing annoys me even when I'm not being a moron and leaving things there. It's like, "We're the only store around this town that makes you do this, we pretty much think you, our students, are filthy, filthy thieves." Hey, you're the filthy, filthy thieves. I'm the one paying you vast amounts of money in exchange for breaking my will to live.

Anyway, I went back and got it, and then got to class at about the time I would've arrived had I just went back to the dorm to pick up the pencils I already had.

And anthro's being dumb lately. Right now we're on this whole unit that's basically, "Stop being racist because everyone's nearly the same genetically." I'm so tired of being told not to be racist. If you're not racist, you don't need to hear it. If you are racist, logic isn't going to enter into your little pea brain anyway. I'm not against some anti-racist messages, because there are probably a few people on the fence that need to hear it. But they just have to hammer it in, the same as anti-smoking propaganda that obviously NONE OF THE STUDENT BODY LISTENS TO BECAUSE THEY ALL SMOKE. Leave me alone.

EVIDENCE THAT ISU IS RUN BY DUMBASSES #458:

One of the main sidewalks I use to go to class goes right through a parking lot. Zillions of ISU students use it, it's somewhere that there really should be a sidewalk. But it's in the middle of a parking lot, for crying out loud. You can tell it's supposed to be a sidewalk going through a parking lot because most of the parking lot is asphalt, and has the lines for cars to park in, and the cars are parked in them. The sidewalk is made out of concrete, and students walk on it.

This is an accident waiting to happen.

Anyway, what set me off on this (it's nothing new) is coming back from class on said parking lot sidewalk, and I had to walk off of it, into the parking lot to avoid an ISU mower that was deliberately driving on the sidewalk. I know I see all sorts of ISU vehicles every day messing up the quad and driving students off of sidewalks, but it just seems even more wrong, somehow, that we're having to compete for the parking lot sidewalk with lawnmowers now, as if we were'nt almost run over by the cars in the parking lot every day anyhow.

Okay, here's an idle query: when did my family get to be hair nazis?

Well, my dad still isn't a hair nazi. But I'm beginning to wonder what's wrong with my mom and sister.

Situation: about a year ago, during the month o' ostracism I stopped getting my hair cut. This was basically to avoid my mom, who I would've had to see in order to get the ride to the hair place. And I like avoiding my hair stylist too. She always acts like I have this unibrow, which frankly I know my eyebrows can get a bit Oscar the Grouchesque, but does she have to hassle me about it every time I get my damn hair cut? I mean, she waxed it for free, once. That's how concerned about my eyebrows she is. She'll wax them for free. So after the free waxing I didn't want to see her that badly either.

Even after the month, I kept growing my hair out because I wanted to be able to do something fancy with it at my sister's wedding. I planned to cut it again shortly after. I have especially been thinking about it lately, because it's hard to brush all that tangly hair after I get out of a shower.

Anyway: I just haven't gotten around to cutting it yet. Basically because 1) I really have grown a dislike towards the eyebrow woman 2) Everyone who did my hair up to the eyebrow woman did a crappy job. I just can't find anyone who knows what they are doing, with respect to hair.

So how did my family get to be hair Nazis?

Mom: When are you going to get your hair cut? When are you going to get your hair cut? When are you going to get your hair cut? Every other time I see her. This actually doesn't surprise me so much, she's got this twisted psychological connection to my hair. When I was little I had long hair, but then mom's hair was short, and my sister's hair was short, and I was all like "I want to be just like my mommy and sister!" and submitted myself to the same awful shag with sideburns that they sported. Despite a lot of ridicule, I stuck to this hairstyle throughout gradeschool. I think my sister grew her hair out at one point, which gave me the courage to grow mine out. EVER SINCE THEN my mom has tried to get me to go back to her shag/sideburn coif that she still wears with pride. And if she can't get me to get the shag, she at least attempts to keep my hair somewhat short. I don't know why she gives a damn. Would having that same awful haircut as her mend the horrible rift we have between us? I certainly doubt it. Anyway, I wish the nagging would stop.

Sister: She's who kind of surprises me. Like, why would she care what length my hair is? But she harps on it more, if possible, than my mom. "Wow, your hair's getting really long!" she says. Innocuous in text, but believe me, she makes, "Wow, your hair's getting really long!" sound like, "Wow, you're getting really ugly!" She just says it this..... way..... that drives me bonkers. And she'll follow it up with "When are you going to get your hair cut?"

I don't know why this all bugs me, but it does. I bet I would've given in and gone to eyebrow lady a long time ago if they hadn't been hounding me, but I get a perverse pleasure in thwarting this strange obsession with my hair being shorter.

Bleh. I had another major headache today. Not a migraine, because most of my headaches come from my neck, but as near as you can get. And with the throbbing. Oh, and why is it that people who get migraines all act like it's some sort of club you can't join, when you get one?

Me: I think I had a migraine
Migraine Sufferer: No. It was a regular headache.
Me: How do you know?
MS: I just do. You can't have possibly suffered what I have suffered.

Anyway, I HAVE had migraines before, and this was about as bad. Anyway, I'm disturbed at how often I get really bad headaches nowadays. It's not enough I get one cripplingly painful problem (IBS), I have these headaches as well. Way too often. It also pisses me off. If I'm doing this bad at 20, when I'm all old my life is going to be hell. I'll eat more pills than food. IF pills even do anything for me.

Bleeeeeh.

"Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to."

"But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it's a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it's a man."

"When a couple has an argument, they may think its about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they're really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this:"

"You are not enough people!"

--Kurt Vonnegut
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian


We spend all of our lives
going out of our minds
Looking back to our birth,
forward to our demise.
Even scientists say,
everything is just light
Not created, destroyed
but eternally bright

--Live
"They Stood Up For Love"

168 was pretty decent today. Learning arrays is way easier than learning classes was.

PLUS: we wrote a function called "get_high" today. Programming humor = the best thing about programming.

I saw the guy I talked to the other night again after class. He brought up that there's probably a rule that she has to say, "But you'll get into that more in 169 (which both the guy and I have to take next semester)" 80 times per class.

It's true.

On an unrelated note, I am materialistic.

I already have 24 items on my christmas list (only 2 of them aren't CD's). But my process actually starts large, and I whittle the list down to what I really want the most.

I have to say that now that it's almost over, I'm actually getting into Com theory. Some of the theories are kind of dumb, but it's really cool compared to a lot of classes, because I'm learning stuff I can actually see working in my life. I'll just be thinking about something or other, and some technical word from one of the theories pops into my head to help describe what's going on. It's pretty cool.

I'm kind of annoyed, though. I went to a study session this morning, and the prof sounds like people have been complaining about the class, and how she's going to have to make things easier, because she wants to get good evaluations (she doesn't have tenure yet). Let me tell you: if you don't get this class as she is teaching it right now, you are too fucking brain dead and lazy to be in college. Not brain dead. Not lazy. Brain dead AND lazy. There is no way to do really bad in that class unless you don't come to it AND never read the book. I am not trying to act superior just because I get this stuff. It is honestly like, "no duh." One of our theories is "the media affects people differently, because people are different." I mean, if you're brain dead but not lazy, reading that a couple times, you would get it. If you're lazy but not brain dead, you would get it the first time, and never look back. You would have to be brain dead AND lazy.

Anyway, I hate people who give bad evaluations for no good reason. I mean, I love laying into a bad prof in my evaluation as much as the next person, but I think the few profs here that are actually half decent should be retained, rather than getting shit because you're too lazy to do the work. I mean, I'll acknowledge that i'm lazy. I don't blame the prof for it though.

However, I blame several ISU professors for breaking my will to live.

I forgot to set my alarm last night. I had comp difficulties this morning. I had IBS difficulties this morning. They were cleaning our bathroom, so I had to walk a heck of a way in order to have my IBS difficulties in another bathroom. I had deoderant finding issues again.

Despite all of this: I left my room on time for once.

On my way to ACS I was smugly patting myself on the back for this. "Go you. You'll be on time! The teachers will love you! I'm pretty sure they're sick of seeing you come in late!"

Of course, the class I was SUPPOSED to be going to was not ACS, but Anthro. Conveniantely on the other side of campus.

When I realized, I hauled ass over to Anthro. I was late yet again. And sans pencil for a scantron test that I had forgotten about. Thankfully I got someone to lend me one.

I hope the rest of my day goes better, especially in regards to IBS, it's been especially bad today :(

I have the best conversations, here are quotes from some of them (In the MSN convers, I'm punk rock princess)

Kevin says:
there's gotta be someone who wants to kidnap you from some sort of perverted sexual desires
Punk Rock Princess says:
Aw, you flatter me

Phoemeister: how's you?
Talia: me good and you?
Phoemeister: My dad wanted to go to breakfast at this new place called Le Peep this morning. Usually I hate waking up early to do stuff like that, but I didn't have the heart to tell him no. Anyway, I got up early and was zombie tired, and then on top of it nauseous for some undiscernable reason. Then we couldn't go to Le Peep anyway, and ended up at Culver's, which is this place I don't like very much, but I was ravenous despite being nauseous, so we went there, and I had a dry heave and then some fries and rootbeer and a pumpkin milkshake and then when I got home I passed out until four p.m., and when I woke up. I felt great.
Phoemeister: You should never give me an opening.

Talia: yeah, my imaginary online-hit-on-ness is just as good as your imaginary online-hit-on-ness
Phoemeister: aww, why thank you for saying so

Talia: I've had pop-tarts that took less time to pop up a second time

Punk Rock Princess says:
Pretend you have chlaymidia. "Mom, I need my health card because I have chlaymidia, dammit. There, aren't you sorry you asked?"


Phoemeister: k, one sec
Phoemeister: I'm busy convincing Tom that he's bald and grainy
Talia: and he's not?
Tom: Ouch.
Tom:I am not bald nor grainy, except on Sundays.

"the wind blew me into a hurricane"

This is a line in the chorus of one of the songs on one of my new CD's. Today, I was listening to it as I walked, head down, into a 4 star gale. This amused me.

Honestly, on days like this, I'm reminded of all those old depictions of settlers coming into this area, and comparing the prairie to the sea, because the wind blew the grass in waves. I have a specific image of what this must've looked like in my head, even. It comes from some disney video full of tall tales like Paul Bunyon and Pecos Bill that they used to show all the time at my grade school for no obvious reason.

Anyway, pictures like that make me think that maybe we still have all this wind because we're not as highly urbanized as some parts of the country, there's not as many buildings to block it. But I can be standing directly next to a building and still be blown around. I have specific instances of this. Most of them involve Hamilton hall. Sometimes I think all the wind on the campus comes from Hamilton hall. Honestly, the east coast and the west coast are in together on a conspiracy that involves making buildings that emit wind, such as Hamilton hall, in the midwest to cripple our spirits. And we don't notice, because we're used to that Paul Bunyon video and think the midwest is naturally windy.

Actually, the wind wasn't too bad today. Well, it was just as bad as ever, but it's a lot warmer out today than it has been for the last several weeks, taking the arctic bite out of the wind, making it not so bad. Refreshing, even. Well, except for the dirt that blows into my eyes. But I close my eyes, and it's all right.

Anyway, I feel like a moron this week. Usually my moronic tendencies involve losing things, but this week it's definately getting up at the wrong time. Yesterday: I woke up late. Today, I forgot a class was canceled, and got up for it anyway. Hurried to make it, even. Hurried because I spent 15 minutes of my "getting ready" time on my hands and knees for fifteen minutes searching for my deoderant. It would be too ironic for me if deoderant actually did cause Alzheimers. Can you imagine forgetting where you put the very thing that made you so forgetful in the first place? I still haven't found it, I guess I'm stinky for today.

Strange note: while looking for my deoderant, I found a ziploc bag with a piece of pizza in it under my bed. And I haven't had pizza recently.

*I use anyway as a segue way too much

I love ISU's circus, the Gamma Phi. I've only been there once, but I don't just love them for their performances. I love them also because the people constantly practice. Hence, from time to time I will literally see someone going to classes on a unicycle.

There are only three things I like about ISU:

1) They helped me get to England
2) They give me server space
3) I see someone going to class on unicycle from time to time

Since the above list is rather paltry compared to the huge list of things about ISU that I hate, I am determined to enjoy these things to the hilt. This involves boring people I know over and over with stories from my trip to England, posting unnecessary pictures of Soccer Hooligans on the World Wide Web, and really getting a kick out of people going to class on unicycles. And I DO really get a kick out of people going to class on unicycles. It's something that sort of takes me out of the autopilot that I use to get me through my day to day business. When I notice someone on a unicycle, I start to notice the colors of the leaves and the bright blue of the sky, and the nice indian summer we're having to-day, and the way De Garmo hall looks, even though I'm the only one who doesn't think it looks dumb.

I don't think I'd want to live my life without small novelties like unicycles.

Which Founding Father Are You?

Aw, that reminds me of Sib. She LOVED Hamilton. She personally resented Burr for killing him. I'm not even kidding, if Burr got brought up somehow, the first thing she'd say was "That bastard!" and the second thing she did was to list out every bad thing Burr ever did, besides killing her hero. I think I heard her say Hamilton was awesome once, but I guess I can't call her a dork because I called FDR "the bomb" once. And I've also said I think Lincoln was cool. So it'd be the pot calling the kettle nerdy.

Well welcome to "Wake up much earlier than is necessary week" here on Angry White Girl.

Yesterday, I set my alarm an hour early. Today, I got up at 7 because I thought I had a study session at 8, which was apparently canceled. I went back home and laid down for two hours, but of course being the freak who can't nap, I couldn't fall back asleep. D'oh.

Me = tired

Well: (you can tell I'm bored, I'm only posting every three minutes now) I've not listened to all of S.C.I.E.N.C.E., but I saw the video for "A Certain Shade of Green" included, and I like that. It's a good song, but a borderline video. Old skool dreadlock and moustachioed Brandon Boyd is less attractive than new skool Brandon Boyd, but dreadlock and moustache Brandon seems more loveable and sincere, somehow. Also, he keeps his shirt on for about 80% of the video, which is about 80% more than in any other Incubus video I've seen, and about 30% more than in the Incubus photos I see. I appreciate this shirt wearing, it covers up the 3 inches of underwear he always seems to want to show the world.

This reminds me of the conversation Wanda and I had the other day about the new Foo Fighters video. We appreciate old, dry Dave more than new, sweaty sideburn Dave.

Yep. Very verrry bored.

Aw, I'm a crazy spender. Well, for someone without a job. *cough* someone without a job who isn't kevin--Talia and Wanda'll get this reference if they understand the pseudonym and ever read his blog. *cough*

Anyway, after my flu shot, mom and dad took me out to eat--mom overestimated the time we would need, so we had a half hour to hang out at best buy.

Have I ever mentioned that I am Best Buy's bitch? They used to have a cheaper flat rate than any record store, and mucho variety. But, lately they sell some CD's at a higher price (the popular ones, still probably cheaper than a record store) and some for a lower price (new artists, new CD's people don't know about, sometimes old ones). Anyway, it kills me. Why? I'm the type to pick up lesser known music and new artists. A lot of times I can abstain, but when they put them on sale and I know I'll never be able to get that CD at that price again--I fold like a cheap suit.

Anyway, they had a lot of great deals tonight. Mom told me not to get too many, because Christmas is coming up, but little does she know I could probably buy 50 CD's and still have a christmas list full of them.

Anyways, I got: Good Charlotte -- The Young and the Hopeless, Something Corporate -- Leaving Through the Window, and Incubus -- S.C.I.E.N.C.E.

GC and SC are kind of bubblegum (not necessarily bad, I just feel shame about all pop-punk bands I enjoy for some reason) and I haven't tried Incubus yet. It's one of their old albums, and I'm afraid to find whether or not I'm one of the poser fans who only likes the new CD's, or a real fan. I don't think I could bear the disappointment if it turned out to be bad. Anyway, GC and SC were 9.99 and Incubus was 7.99, so all in all--pretty good deals. I feel less bad when I get an album for cheap and it sucks than when I pay full price. There were a couple others on sale I wanted to pick up, like Sugarcult (yet another bubblegummy pop punk band), SR-71 (ditto), and Alanis Morrissette (I'd lent Jagged Little Pill to Sib's sister a few months before we had our falling out, I doubt I'll ever see it again).

Ugh, and I just got my flu shot and my arm hurts like hell

Welp, I'm depressed again. I'll have long swathes of time where I'm functioning pretty close to normal, and then for a few days I just feel crappy about something.*

Something including but not limited to: having IBS, having insomnia, never having a boyfriend, ACS 168, being an ACS minor, being a Com major, going to ISU, having no friends, the future of humankind (or lack thereof) etc. And usually thinking about one gets me started on one of the others.

Right now I'd say never having a boyfriend started it, but I've thought of most the others today (except I'm happy with 168 for once).

Here's the dumbest possible start for it: I was watching Stephen King's Carrie on TV last night. I mean, I don't even like horror novels/shows. I just did it because I was bored and lonely. Anyway, some of the sadness started immediately--my mom's not quite that bad, people weren't ever quite that mean to me, but I know what it's like to be an outcast with an overbearing mother. But most of it started during the prom scene--before everything went south. I started crying because I never went to the prom.

I'm a Junior in college. Why do I even care about this anymore?

But I did care. It's not like I can ever go to prom now, you know? Its just a door that's been permanently closed for me.

Here's all of the school dances I've ever been to:

8th grade at Miller Park-- I went with my friend Nicole, and she ditched me
8th grade at Chiddix Jr. High -- I went with my friend Nicole, and she ditched me

Junior Year -- After Prom -- My friends and I had a little party at a friend's house during prom, and went to After Prom afterwards. We had a lot of fun, though I think I got in an arguement over something with them near the end. There was awesome food, especially these huge yummy strawberries.

Senior Year -- Homecoming -- I was part of a club called "Advocates" that worked with the mentally disabled kids. A few of those kids came, and I watched them, along with some other people. It was really fun because a lot of my friends came along too, and there were enough other people watching the kids that I had time to have fun with my friends as well. This one guy who I have no idea who he is or was came up and gave me a flower and said I looked really nice that night. I thought it was a joke someone was playing on me, and wasn't overly thankful at the time, but no joke was played, so I don't really know what the point was, as I never saw him again.

Senior Year -- Sweetheart -- Awful. Only one of my friends came (she was also in Advocates), only one other Advocate besides myself and my friend showed up, and more of the disabled kids showed up than last time. We had to make one of them go home early, because she was pestering guys with dates and making them dance with her instead of who they brought, and being increasingly abrasive when guys turned her down. Plus, she had to leave early anyway, and wouldn't let us get her to the exit. At the time I was in the only relationship I'd ever been in (an online one, I was stupid) and was especially sad when they played a song I really knew he liked and was all alone without anyone to dance with.

Senior Year -- After Prom. We were all going to go with the group of friends but everyone else ended up with dates but me, so I didn't go. I came to see them at after prom, but everyone was tired from prom and didn't want to do anything but sit around. The strawberries I'd liked so much the year before were covered with this gross chocolate this time. I had an IBS attack and just went home.

Anyway, I just keep thinking of crap like this today, it's dull and rainy, I have no friends, and I'm sad.

"it always seems those little things, they take the biggest part of me."

*Also, today I accidently set my alarm an hour early, so I rushed to get to class, opend the door onto a bunch of puzzled strangers, and realized I had an hour until class starts.... A bit better than being an hour late, I guess

Funniest Answering Machine Message Ever.

Some drunk guy left that on my answering machine this weekend. The "Who am I even talking to?" part is because my name isn't in my outgoing message. The blive bleven blue is all him, though.

Should I call him for the hell of it, or steer clear?

How People Find Angry White Girl

Google 17 for: pictures of gorilla genitalia

No, but I have a picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan, that's something, right?

Google: .wav 2 Legit 2 Quit

Oh yea. Hammer's coming back, bay-bee!

Alltheweb 3 for: "naked matt damon"

Maybe The Talented Mr. Ripley would've sucked less if there'd been more naked Matt Damon (or more naked Jude Law, rawr!).

AOL Search 3 for: angy spongebob pictures

Apparently Wesely Crusher can't spell any better than I can (and shares a similar obsession with Spongebob Squarepants and his Spongey Sea Songs) because Wilwheaton.net is the #1 and #2 hits. Anyway, I have a picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking Soccer Hooligan. That's something, right?

Google: pictures of Rabbis that can be copied and pasted

Yea, I'm tired of those copyrighted rabbi pictures that they won't let me use. Anyway, I'll do my best to make my picture of a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan copy and pastable.

Earthlink #1 for: angry dad

Actually, my dad's quite nice. I wonder if it's a Simpsons thing, they had the ep on last night where Bart makes a cartoon about Homer called Angry Dad.

Google #7 for: stickman murder spoilers

Not as funny, but definately as weird.

Google #1 for: goatees girl video

Aw, they came too late. I took "Girls With Goatees Gone Wild" off the site a month ago. Never fear, though. I AM working on a video about a vaguely Billy Corgan-looking soccer hooligan.

Well, I was going to write this whole long post about how sick and tired I am of being sick (IBS) and tired (insomnia, society's forcing of me into a 24 hour circadian rhythm). It was going to be lame and whiney.

But yay, I went to the dreaded ACS class, and we got our tests back. I was the only one who got a perfect on the multiple choice section. WHOOO I OWN YOU ALL. Okay, I don't. I'm pretty sure I still don't know how the hell to use a constructor properly. Which just goes to show that again, I am much better at things on paper than actually doing them in the real world. But paper counts for an awful lot, I'm paying thousands of dollars and several years of my life to get a piece of paper, I might as well be able to play the system.

Anyway: I would've probably been torn limb from limb by my classmates if they learned that I hadn't even studied, 168 is a difficult course. Muahahaha.

But now, instead of feeling sick and tired, I feel WICKED AWESOME. And behind on my novel. D'oh.

img src="http://www.throwmeaway.com/soliloquy/quizzes/suicide/hg.gif" width="220px" height="100px">

how would you commit suicide?

YOU WOULD HANG YOURSELF. you both crave and fear death. you're fairly certain that you wouldn't actually commit suicide, but you often fantasize about it because you can't think of any other way to escape living a life that you hate. you're wary about doing anything irreversible and you have a healthy awareness of the repercussions of your actions.

Well, as you can see, the novel isn't going as fast as I hoped.

Yesterday, I probably wrote over my quota for the day: unfortunately about half of it was C++ for a program (I'm way behind on that too), and then I also wrote a certain amount for two other stories I'm considering instead of the original one. They all seem forced and sucky *sigh*

Anyway, today I haven't done anything at all because I woke up with a massive headache, and only now (about 3:30 in the afternoon) am I even approaching anything feeling normal.

We'll see.

Ugh, I know that I would be awash in self hatred after I started writing my novel, but I didn't know it was quite that bad. Maybe I shouldn't write using old RP characters, I keep wanting to add in miniscule details that have evolved about them over the time I've RPed them, and while details are good (I'm bad at coming up with details when the chars aren't from old RP's) I keep wanting to add them in inappropriate places. I don't want funny things, such as the fact that Elvis always dresses in a tweed suit with a bowler hat and one of those bowties that turns like a propeller when you press a button on it, to go to waste, so I'm like...inserting that fact where it's totally irrelevant and forced. Also, I found myself coming up with new irrelevant (and somewhat disturbing) facts and inserting them where they don't belong either. Also, I can't see where this novel is going, and I want it to be funny, but I want it to be clever funny, not "hey, laugh. My first character is a trout named Elvis."

What Weird Quote Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Super Sarcasmo! You're the one with all the witty wisecracks. We bow before you. Really, we do.

Well, the stair falling pain surprisingly has lingered on. I have to walk, bend over, and sit like a total old person. Complete with sighing sounds.

Actually, it's not that bad. It only hurts all over when I cough, and my left buttock hurts when....I do anything involving my left buttock.

And I know this is whiney: but people who chew gum loudly must die. I had to sit next to one of THEM in mass com today. Cracking, and worse: just the noises you make when you chew with your mouth wide open. For an hour and a half. I wanted to stand up in class, point to her, and loudly declare that she was the devil, and that I refuse to sit next to the devil. Not to mention that I hate most gum chewers, because they stick used gum under desks. It's SO disgusting. When I go to mass com, I have to check, on average, 4 different seats before I can find a gum-free one. Ewww.

ACS is still breaking my will to live, but lab was (slightly) better this week, so that's good. The test wasn't as bad as I thought, either. It was actually pretty cool: I was going down the stairs last night on the way there (carefully this time) and some guy came up behind me and was like "I bet I know where you're going!"

I was kind of freaked out, until I realized it was a fellow unfortunate from my class. Anyway, he walked there with me and we whined about how horrible the class was all the way there. I doubt we'll become friends or anything because we never even got off the subject of how horrible 168 is, but its nice to know I'm not too big of a freak to walk to class with. Of course, that'll probably change after a month of writing "Monkey, Toaster, Happiness"

Also: I've decided I love the show Scrubs, just because they have wicked awesome music on there all the time. Tonight they totally had Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Something's Always Wrong" on. And it perfectly caught the moment dramatically, too, I thought. And also, they had Tom Cavanaugh from Ed on, which is another show I like the music (plus just about every other aspect) from.

My back, butt and abdomen area are sore as hell.

And since my life is boring, I spent half my day so far trying to figure out when I'd be doing the type of stuff that would make me sore all over.

Honestly, I fell down a flight of stairs yesterday, and forgot about it by the next day. If I didn't have a blog, I swear my past would be a mystery to me. I'd wake up with a burly Australian and two Swedish midgets in the dumpster behind a Denny's in Omaha Nebraska and have no idea why. And unlike with most people, this memory loss would not be drug induced. Journeying to Omaha and partying down with burly Australians and Swedish midgets at a Denny's just wouldn't make enough of an impression on my absent mind to even remember for more than a day.

Certain police records indicate that I was arrested in Amsterdam's red light district in 1995, but I'll never know anything about it (unless I can find all those mimes again and ask them about it) because I only started the blog in autumn 2001.

Man I have no life.... I have an ACS test tomorrow and a com theory test on friday, but what have I been doing the last half hour?

I went to hotornot.com and am going through rating everyone a 10. One trend I've noticed is that only good looking girls will submit their pics, while any guy seems to have the self confidence for this. Self confidence is good. 10 for you, hot or not.

One other trend I've found (which I find particularly amusing) is that the site tells you when the subject of the picture has last checked their score, and it's NEVER more than a day ago, most of the time it's less than 5 hours ago. People must be desperate for validation.

I'm adopting Ben Kweller because her "already adopted" page was down and I figured he wasn't taken yet. Posting it here until I get the time to do it on the template.

also, this page is righteous, you can make Bush say a speech you create.

I hate how ACS 168 has become a microcosm of my life as a whole.

A grossly exaggerated parody microcosm, but a microcosm nonetheless.

Basically: I'm drowning, and I'm too proud to ask help. I don't want to bother the professor too much, I'm actively frightened of my TA, and the book is not helping me get constructors (an element of object-oriented C++). And things just get worse and worse every week, I don't know what to do.

This day did not start too well.

My alarm didn't go off. I only woke up a half hour late, though, thanks to Igraine calling. She has to study a lot this week and wants me to hold her remote so she won't watch TV instead. She says she has awful willpower.

I'm not inclined to make fun of her though, because I probably have less, in that I'm not even willing to give up my remote, I'd rather just watch the (awful) TV and get the bad grades.

Anyways: I'm scurrying about, trying to get ready for class in time. Then, I remember that I forgot to do a worksheet for the class after my next class. A worksheet about streaming radio over the internet. Hence, I need the computer for it. I don't have time in between classes to do this, so I have to fit this worksheet into my cramped time as well.

Then: my computer won't start. I have this problem all the time, basically all I have to do is turn it on and off about 80 times and it'll eventually turn on. We actually had someone look at it awhile ago. A neighbor we have that works on computers.

He said I had too much stuff clogging up my memory. Or something like that. My opinion is that my ROM-BIOS is messed up. This is based on the fact that as a computer science minor, they told me what bios is once. Also....there was an error message saying I needed someone to fix my bios one of the times it started up. Computer guy is like "no, no. If it only showed once, then it isn't the bios."

Anyway, it looks like he was wrong, because after deleting all the stuff he said to, it still won't start half the time. And I got that error message again another time the other day.

Anyway, all this trying to get my comp started takes even more time.

I finally got it started and got the urls I needed, and rushed off to class.

I fell down a flight of stairs on the way there, that was fun.

Hmmm, this entry is poorly written, even for me.

I have issues with...

excess health society age mother

Take Word Association Test

Eerily accurate.

Well, I have been known to send some weird e-mails (Adam Sandler's crack research team is still probably trying to figure out the one I sent him) but I've never gotten a reply!

Until now!

Here is an e-mail I sent to nanowrimo.org, because I (honestly) was disappointed in the beatnik tee shirt they had to offer:

Hi, I'm a long time listener, first time caller.....

I was looking at the NaNoWriMo tee shirts, and I'm shocked and horrified at the beatnik tee.

You see, this man is no beatnik! Yes, he has the beret, but that only serves to mock beatniks as a whole. This man who masquerades as a beatnik is obviously not a beatnik for 3 reasons:

1) He is not wearing black. Proper beatniks wear black, to express the darkness inherent in the system. I am offended by the wussy sky blue this beatfake is wearing.

2) There is no goatee. All beatniks have goatees. Some female beatniks even go to the extreme of fake goatees. If a beatnick has no goatee, what else is he or she to stroke when deep in thought?

3) No bongos. I know a beatnik or two that is afraid of bongos, but this is deviant behavior. This beatnik needs bongos.

I will not, could not, buy this abomination. Please rectify this immediately.

P.S. What do you think of this quote: "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "

I would really like to know what O tj.

Here is the reply:

Hi Phoe,

Thank you for the feedback. I will take this up with our Beatnik
defamation council at the next board meeting. Something must be done, I
agree.

> P.S. What do you think of this quote: "Love is a snowmobile racing
> across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you
> underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "

I like it a lot. Especially the ice weasels. I think I will include an ice
weasel or two in my upcoming novelistic masterwork, "The Ice Weasels Sing
the Songs of Mandy Patinkin." Sounds good, no?

I love this guy now, that was such a great e-mail

Today my England Group had a get-together where we showed each other all the pictures we'd gotten developed.

One bad thing: the prof had it outside again, like his last get together. Does the man not realize that during cold weather, people enjoy the indoors more? Oh well, at least it was warmer than last time.

Also, I had a couple snafu's getting there. Word of advice: Never get directions anywhere from my mother. She makes things a million more times complicated than they have to be, plus the way she tells you takes an hour. "After you get on Linden, there will be a stop light. Go straight. Then there'll be a stop sign, the street it crosses is Pine, I think. Go straight. Then there'll be another stop light, intersecting Willow. Go straight. Then there'll be a street with no sign or light. Go straight. Then there's another street, Locust. Turn right. Once you're on Locust......" It's infuriating, especially if you're in a hurry/late which I was. But, I did make it there. Yay.

Rest of it: Quite good.

Jen had an awesome scrapbook, and we all signed it, and wrote down memories of the trip. Ed's still working on the video, but the footage we have seen is pretty great already. I mooched several doubles off of people, now I have a photo of the guy Cory pimped for me, a photo of this old lady yelling at the tower ravens, a photo of this awesome guy who played the saw at bath, a picture of me drinking my first alcoholic beverage, and a couple of photos of "my makeover" the one night. A couple of people didn't have doubles with them, but are making copies of photos I want too. Mainly, a photo of what I wrote at the Beatles Wall at Abbey Road (I was stupid and took a photo of what everyone else wrote, but not what I wrote), and a photo of my back as I'm walking in the Dover tunnels. I thought it looked pretty cool, and it'd be something I could put on my online account of the trip, because it doesn't show my face*

Socialization was fun as well.... Since Sib and I had our falling out, I am desperate for any human interaction I can get. And this was pretty good, I kind of missed these people.

*I don't want any of you freaks knowing what I look like

Search Requests:

google #4 for: niggas and honkeys

google brazil #39 for: historia do remedio comprimido

#2 on this crazy arabic search engine "baidu" for: big boobs. Obviously, If I'm #2 for big boobs, this search engine doesn't have a large scope, considering all the porn out there. The question is, if this Arabic search engine has so few sites that I come up #2 for big boobs, how the hell did I get listed on it? I find this a tad frightening

I was having some fun today at the expense of my sister's last will and testament.

If she died, her husband would be the executer of her will. If he died before her, Dad would be. If both of them died before her, I'm next in line.

She picked Dad first because he knows the most about estate planning of any of us. She picked me second because Mom is cracked already, she'd go into hysterics if my sister died, and be no help at all. So I'm next in line.

So we were all talking about it today for some reason, and mom asked who came after my sis's husband. When sis said Dad, mom actually sounded a little, "Why not me?" so sis hurredly added, "He knows the most about estate planning." So we weren't about to admit that I came before she did.

So we ended up talking about it at length.

Sis: So Dad's the first one in line
Me: *mouthing behind mom's back* Then me! Then me! *outloud* Oh Yeah!
Dad: Yea, but her husband is first
Me: *mouthing* Then Dad, then me! *outloud* Oh Yeah!
Mom: Who's going to do it if you and your husband die at the same time?
Sis: I think his little brother will take care of his will, and Dad will take care of me.
Me: *mouthing* If not dad, then me! *outloud* Oh Yeah!

etc. so on. And Mom never once wondered why I kept up with the Duffman-style Oh Yeah's. Who knew wills could be so funny?

Okay, dumb story. But I thought it was funny :P

I know I'm a horrible person, but I've decided I blanketly hate a demographic group.

Middle-aged midwestern women

I was at a movie tonight, and for the 15 minutes beforehand I was subjected to the torture of overhearing their conversation.

1) Why the midwestern part matters: Even though I'm in Illinois, not Minnesota (no offence Minnesotans), these women were but one small step away from the mother from Bobby's World's whole "don'cha know"/"there then yet" thing. The most interesting person in the world would sound like a complete moron. "E equals M C squared, don'cha know." "To be or not to be, that is the question, don'cha know." Ahhhhaahahaharg. It makes my ears bleed.

2) I am a midwestern woman. Is there a magic age when I become like these people? Am I going to wake up and be like, "Herbert likes it when I make the pot roast, but I'm feeling in a meat loaf mood tonight." I like crafts now, but crafts are a middle aged midwestern woman's life. I'm not even kidding, they talked about it for fifteen minutes straight, except for the part about how children today are too disrespectful, and what they're going to serve at the next tupperware party. I will honestly kill myself. Or get someone right now to promise to do it if I turn out like that. Aahaarg. I wanted to jump up and scream, "Can you hear yourself? Were you ever my age? You married some guy and had his kids, and when they grew up you didn't have anything else to do anymore, so you try to fill the yawning void in your life by making doilies and embroidering pictures of cats onto things. You hurt my ears. And it's not just the midwestern accent, you make my ears bleed with your talk of cross stitch, and how horrible some three year old is for throwing a balled up paper towel at your head, and how much you like cooking hearty midwestern meals. You need to either have a mid-life crisis, or start reading Sartre. (I reccomend the latter) Pick one. Now."

3) they were so......cheerful

***Update: I'm so obsessed that I combed the web looking for a sound file of the mom on Bobby's World just so that I could show people who don't know what it sounds like, what it sounds like.

***Update: I combed again, and the second "yeah" on this soundfile is the accent I'm talking about, though its from the movie Fargo, which takes place in North Dakota. Thank you, Mikkie's Wav Pool (it was either this one, or a sad one where this woman is talking about this tornado that wrecked her town)

A reply to someone's dumb comment under my googlism for Angry White Girl:

--the comment
uh... i dont think they were talking about you.

--the reply
Duh, I know. I mean, I did the search on my actual name too. Do I really think I'm the best Kevin Smith Movie of the Trilogy or an 8 year old yorkie? No. Neither do I think I am really the one they were refering to when they talk about Angry White Girl.

Also, I DO take pride in the fact that though the other Angry White Girl "is the shit," that I'm the one who freaking came up with the name Angry White Girl before she did.

AND, I KNOW I'm the phoemeister that's #1 for kosher, so that does provide me with some contentment.


I realize I'm being bitchy, but I AM Angry White Girl, and I have been programming for hours today, so I take it as my license to be Pissy McBitchface to-day

/***********Incomprehensible C++ Rant*******************

OBJECT ORIENTED PROGRAMMING CAN BLOW ME. I HATE classes. ESPECIALLY those little bastard constructors. I don't make the constructors return anything, and yet the compiler gets all pissy and "constructors don't return anything." And I'm like, "I know that, biznitch! I'm not making them return anything. Why do you think I'm making them return anything? Don't make me bust a cap in yo' ass!!" but then they still won't work. SEE YOU IN HELL CONSTRUCTORS

Ostream is unidentified? Bullshit! It's right there! You guys came up with it! And now you're telling me I made it up? What the hell??????? An OSTREAM is an OSTREAM. Why can't you identify my ostream? If you don't like my ostream, you can ram it!

**********End Incomprehensible C++ Rant*************/

This is what several hours of programming will do to me.

yay, I'm not the only one who decides to make random things into computer source code

Also, I appreciate the title, "My Ass Is A Pundit."

It mocks the word pundit, which I like because I HATE the word pundit. Why does every ^%&*( person who watches CNN start up a weblog and start calling themselves pundits? What the hell is a pundit anyway? They don't seem to make puns. And I think the point of being a pundit is being clever, but most self-proclaimed pundits aren't.

Anyway, I'd like the US to declare a new war: a war on pundits. If a US citizen wants to be a pundit, they should get a license from the government. No, in order to post their opinions they don't need a license. But there should be a license on people who call themselves pundits, it should be a federal offense to call yourself a pundit just because you like politics and *think* you're clever.

But I can respect someone claiming their ass is a pundit.

Anyway, this is all an elaborate lead in to the fact that I'm procrastinating, blogging about pundits, because I reeeally reeeally don't want to do my pre lab, and I'll do anything to avoid it.

What Egyptian Deity are you? go to:the quiz!

Googlism for: angry white girl
angry white girl is the shit
angry white girl is one of the best rants that i've seen in years

Googlism for: phoemeister

phoemeister is #1 for kosher

Googlism for: phoe

phoe is a 20th
phoe is the returning champ
phoe is just as violent as ever
phoe is at it again daaaamnnn
phoe is opgericht in 1988 met als doelstelling het bevorderen
phoe is 9 and a half months now but she is quite early for her line
phoe is just over 6 months now
phoe is deprived of his five senses and the female
phoe is one very big computer guru
phoe is a quiet girl who can be a little gullible at times
phoe is still in a transmembrane orientation in the translocase
phoe is different from sequential order because it was renumbered according to that of ompf
phoe is a useful marker for activity of the regulon
phoe is ranked 13 and has played for 15m in 2 days real name
phoe is ranked 1 and has played for 1h30m in 2 days real name
phoe is rather firmly attached to carnage's braid
phoe is at it again
phoe is a 16 year old girl who lives in the ghetto speck of a town known to its inhabitants as shit
phoe is ranked 14 and has played for 22h37m in 365 days
phoe is supposed to be coming down
phoe is an international student currently studying at virginia tech
phoe is listed under wh the one in tx is not listed but there are two under womens names
phoe is on the comfy seat
phoe is a good way to go
phoe is a
phoe is being played because it wins
phoe is that it is easy to control the seas and the land?
phoe is specialized in the
phoe is a 16 year old girl who lives in the ghetto speck of a town
phoe is learnin php and that's l33t within itself
phoe is accelerated compared with the non modified phou at ph10 and thermal properties and morphology of both materials develop
phoe is dead
phoe is one of the karen refugee camps situated in amphur umphang
phoe is just making an excuse for being a pig ;
phoe is killed by alecia for making untrue statements*